Sydney Brooks

3rd Hour
9/18/14
1
Emotional Intelligence

In the modern world of psychology, emotional intelligence is one of the most important
topics discussed and researched. Emotional intelligence is ones ability to be self aware, mindful
of ones feelings and emotions, and be able to analyze and understand the emotions of others.
Emotional Intelligence, a book by Daniel Goleman, informs the reader about the importance of
being emotionally intelligent. According to Daniel Golemans Emotional Intelligence, there are
multiple factors that make up emotional intelligence.
The three major factors of emotional intelligence are motivation and persistence, self
control, and empathy. Motivation and persistence, the first factor of emotional intelligence,
closely relates to how productive one is at starting, working on, and finishing a task in a timely
manner. Motivation is ones desire to do things, while persistence is the drive to keep going for
an extended amount of time. Self control is enormously important for having good emotional
intelligence. It is being able to control and manipulate ones emotions and actions to best fit the
situation. The last factor, empathy, lets one identify with others and seem friendly. It is being
able to understand what someone else is thinking, identify with their problems, and therefore be
empathetic. Empathy also is an important trait for leaders. Goleman's book enables individuals to
explore their own emotional intelligence by self analysis through a series of personality tests. In
reading Emotional Intelligence, one will discover their own level of emotional intelligence and
learn to analyze the emotions and actions of others. Building ones emotional intelligence lets
one be more empathetic to others, increases their self-awareness and confidence, and makes
them more effective leaders and communicators.

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Narcissism has a lot to do with ones emotional intelligence. Narcissistic people admire
themselves, are self centered, and care mainly about themselves. Too much narcissism in a
person can cause them to seem rude, selfish, and prideful. They tend to believe that their feelings
or thoughts are much more important than the feelings or thoughts of others. If the narcissist is
unable to identify with others needs, they will be an unsuccessful leader and may not have many
friends. Narcissism is the cause of many of todays conflicts. Although feared by many,
narcissism can be a good thing in moderation. Contrarily, a person that is not at all narcissistic
tends to be socially and mentally unhealthy. Healthy narcissism lets people form realistic and
mature goals and principles. A person with the right amount of narcissism will be interested in
themselves, but will not necessarily always put the good of themselves before the good of others.
Dr Drew Pinsky created the Narcissistic Personality Inventory(NPI) that tests ones levels of
narcissism using a series of either-or questions. A normal score on this test for the average
American is from 12-15. Most celebrities surveyed scored 18 and higher. A person scoring over
20 is considered to be a narcissist. When I took the Narcissistic Personality Inventory Test, I
scored an 8. Scoring an 8 is below average on the narcissism scale and may be unhealthy. On the
NPI each persons overall score comes from subscores in seven different trait areas: Authority,
Self Sufficiency, Superiority, Exhibitionism, Exploitativeness, Vanity, and Entitlement.
The first factor of emotional intelligence, as mentioned before, is motivation and
persistence. Ones desire to do things and persist at them can result in a tendency to believe that
one is more superior to others or more entitled to have something than they are. On my NPI for
the superiority category I scored one point. This means that I feel a small amount more superior
than those around me. This means that even from a leaders point of view, I need to be able to
realize that I am not any more important than others and treat them that way. Usually I am good

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at this, but I realize that even though I act like everyone is the same as me, I believe inside that I
am a little bit better than others. I need to work on this trait. In the entitlement subscore I scored
no points. Entitlement means that one thinks they should always get what they want when they
want it, they believe that they deserve fairness more than others. They expect others to do a lot
for them just because they are who they are. I feel that the test was accurate in scoring me this
way. I know very well that life is not fair, and I do not necessarily place my wants and needs
above others. I also do not expect people to do a lot for me, even though I appreciate when
people do help me.
An emotion that sometimes affects me but not very often is cheerlessness. The other day
before an away Football game, I felt the emotion of numbness or cheerlessness. I believe that I
felt this way due to lack of sleep and my bad allergies. I just wasnt feeling right. The
emotions(or lack of them) went away as the game started, I started cheering, and I realized that
the people who loved me were actually at an away game to watch me for the first time. I do not
like the emotion of cheerlessness, but I have been experiencing it more and more the older and
more mature I get.
One of the abilities important for emotional intelligence is motivating oneself. I would
rate myself a 4 on a scale of 1-5 for this skill. I try my best never to act on impulse, I have self
control, and I am highly productive in anything that I apply myself to.
Self control is the second factor if emotional intelligence. Self control, or the lack of it,
causes self sufficiency, vanity, and exhibitionism. Self sufficiency is ones ability to satisfy ones
own needs opposed to others taking care of you. In this category, I scored two points. I do not
believe it is a bad thing at all to score points in self sufficiency. In fact, I believe that it is a good
thing to be self sufficient, although one should let others help them every once in a while. Vanity

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is believing that you look or act better than others. In a sense, vanity could be described as being
obsessed with ones image. I scored one point for vanity simply because I have recently
discovered that I need to have more confidence in myself. I need to believe that I am beautiful
and smart, because no one else may. Exhibitionism describes a person who believes that they
should always be the center of attention. They think that there is no reason that they should not
be placed in the spotlight, whether that reason is other people, lack of talent, or their own bad
attitude. These people will be found begging for attention in the center of the room. On the NPI,
I did not score any points in this subcategory.
One emotion that I have felt recently is annoyance. Many things, situations, or actions
can annoy me. For example, about a week ago I woke up at 6:00am and no one else in my house
was awake. I went room to room attempting to get everyone else up, including my sister who
shares a room with me. Despite my efforts, everyone stayed asleep until 6:30. It usually takes my
family about an hour to get ready in the mornings. Because we have to leave my house at 7:00am
to get to school on time, I was very annoyed with my family that morning. I have noticed that
there are a lot of times when I get angry or mad and I am trying to improve that part of myself.
Another emotion that I have felt a lot recently is anxiety. I worry too much and stress
myself out over things that I shouldnt. Lately, I have been trying to lessen my anxiety and stress
levels. The only bad thing about doing so is that it is hard for me to be less anxious or stressed
without the help of others. That leads me to the reasons that I have anxiety right now. I am
nervous that I will not have enough time to do everything that I need to. This semester I have
three classes at the high school(two of which are for college credit), two classes at
SMC(including a difficult three hour long biology class), I am in Cheerleading, I am working at
Pizza Hut, doing my chores at home, being the president of the Chieftain Heart club, I am in

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NHS, have to do community service, am trying to work out every day, I am also planning on
being in the Miss Dowagiac Pageant. I also need to apply for colleges and keep my grades at all
As. I am most stressed because I am doing all of these activities without my main emotional
supporter. He is usually there to help me through my adversity. He is constantly reminding me to
stop worrying, calm down, and to relax. I need these reminders. He understands me and helps me
more than anyone anyone else. He is at Basic Combat Training for almost five months.
Yesterday, I put him on a plane to Georgia. He has a long struggle ahead of him, as do I. I can
write him letters but it may take three weeks until he actually gets to read them. Do you see why
I am stressed? No matter how that situation plays out, I will need to focus on what I am doing
here. I should have plenty of things to fill my time and everyone tells me that doing so much will
help the time pass quicker; I hope so. I really do. In the mean time, I am going to try my best to
be the happiest that I can.
Another skill of emotional intelligence is knowing ones emotions/self awareness. I
believe that I am a 3 or 4 at this skill. Many times I know what I am feeling, while other times I
cannot make a quick decision. Sometimes I have to think for a little while before I come to a
conclusion, but I always can in the end. Managing emotions goes along with knowing ones
emotions. I would rate myself a 3 at this skill because a lot of the time I let things bother me and
have a hard time bouncing back. I have a lot of anxiety and stress because of this. I might give
myself a 2 for this skill, but I am always learning and trying to become better at managing my
emotions.
The three styles of managing emotions are being self aware, engulfed, or accepting. Self
awareness in managing emotions is being aware of ones moods or feelings as one feels them.
They realize what they are feeling and fix the problem. Engulfed people are helpless to their

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emotions. They do not really know what they are feeling or why they feel that way. Because of
that, they often react on instinct. They do not control their emotions or try to change how they
are feeling. The third style is accepting. Accepting people usually know how they are feeling but
they do nothing to change how they feel. For example, if a girl is angry at her friend and she
knows why she is mad and what she could do to fix the problem but instead she accepts that she
is mad and does nothing to solve the problem. Normally, this is a characteristic of people who
suffer from depression. Generally, I am a pretty self aware person. It is only every once in a
while that I become engulfed by my emotions, and if I do I only am for a short period of time. I
only become engulfed if I am very stressed and usually if I am sick, tired, or have not eaten
enough. I am normally mindful, productive, and efficient at solving problems.
The last factor of emotional intelligence is empathy. With empathy comes
exploitativeness and authority. How exploitative one is describes how willing they are to exploit,
or use, others for their benefit. Some people go to great lengths to use others and get what they
want; sometimes they want material things, sometimes emotional support, and sometimes they
push others down to reach their personal goals. The NPI was right in giving me a zero in this
subscore because this trait does not describe me. I am not a fan of using people or having them
use me. Authority is how good a person is at becoming a leader and holding power. An
authoritative person is usually in charge and has good leadership skills. These people can want
power or feel powerful because of their need to have control of everyone and everything or just
because they have developed plentiful leadership skills and others want them to have the power.
In this category, I scored a four. I believe this is accurate because I do feel like I am a fair leader.
Even though I feel this way, I am not cocky about my leadership abilities. I can take charge when
necessary and I often am more content if I am in control, but I can deal with others having

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control. I enjoy being a leader/having authority and empathy comes pretty naturally to me. I am
certainly not an unkind, unfeeling person. Being able to self analyze and identify with other
peoples feelings will help me to be a good and effective leader.
Emotions in others is a crucial part of emotional intelligence and interpersonal
communications. I would rate myself a 3 or 4 at detecting emotions in others. Sometimes I can
read people and recognize emotions that they give off very easily. Sometimes I notice things that
others dont. Other times though, I totally miss the signals that people give off. I rated myself the
way I did because I feel that I need to improve my people skills. Emotions in others ties to
handling relationships. I would give myself a 4 out of 5 at this skill. I am usually pretty good
about making friends and am liked by most. I try my best to always be nice and fair to everyone.
I know a little bit about how people work and that little bit of knowledge helps me out a lot.
Now that I have learned so many things about emotional intelligence and narcissism, I
feel more self aware. I also feel more aware of people around me and their emotional intelligence
levels. I have realized that I kind of like myself. It has also dawned on me once again that I love
learning. I now feel better educated about how the brain works and how ones emotional
intelligence and narcissism effect relationships with others and our own self images.
Works Cited


Goleman, Daniel. Emotional intelligence. New York: Bantam Books, 1995. Print.
"Narcissistic Personality Inventory - Psych Central." Narcissistic Personality Inventory -
Psych Central. N.p., n.d. Web. 18 Sept. 2014.
<http://psychcentral.com/quizzes/narcissistic.htm>.

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Pinsky, Drew, and S. Mark Young. The Mirror Effect How Celebrity Narcissism Is
Seducing America. S.l.: HarperCollins, 2009. Print.

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