Shaima Al majed

Rhonda Waterhouse
27/08/2014
The Final Draft
Drawing the Words Instead of Saying them
It was the beginning of my elementary school, when I fell my time with
drawing anything I feel. As a kid I did not understand the power of words. Drawing
was my own language to tell my mom that I needed a hug after my long day in school

Comment [W1]: Avoid starting sentences with

it or there and a form of to be, like it was or
There is. Grammatically, its fine, but its a wea
construction.

Comment [W2]: Im not sure what youre tryin

to say here.

or, to tell my father I needed money to buy a new doll. It was something unusual to

Comment [W3]: Commas with introductory

elements:
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/comma
htm (#3)

my parents. I am the only one in my family who strongly attached her time with her

Formatted: Highlight

pencils, and with my eyes glued to the white papers. The silence came over everyone
when I handed my drawing materials.
It was such a warm day in late November when my mom decided to take me

Comment [W4]: Im not sure what youre tryin

to say here.
Comment [W5]: Not needed
Formatted: Highlight

to our neighbor after I finished my classes in school. She wanted me to hang out with
my best friend now Maram. My story begins when I met her for the first time, she has

Comment [W6]: Tense shift:

https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/601/0

a very beautiful handwriting, and she spent her time reading books in her father's
library which was in their big house. My mom believed that she is the one who can in
a short period of time change many aspects of my personality.

Comment [W7]: Unclear antecedent:

http://www.quickanddirtytips.com/education/gram
ar/pronouns-and-antecedents
Comment [W8]: Tense shift
Comment [W9]: Verb tense

Every time I go there my heart began to beat faster when I see the huge
number of books that Maram read in a day. I asked her to let me borrow one of her

Comment [W10]: Why would she want someo

to change your personality?
Comment [W11]: Unclear antecedent
Comment [W12]: Verb tense

best books, and she was extremely happy because her dream was to have a friend that

Comment [W13]: Unclear antecedent

has the same inclination as hers. Her reaction was one of the reasons that encouraged
me to start reading the first book I chose by on my own. It was a novel written by her

Comment [W14]: Preposition choice:

https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/594/0

father.
The next day in the afternoon, I opened the book and I tried to read the first
pages of it, but I could not because it was weird for me to move from the colorful
drawings to read a thousand words in a similar paper, so I was not able to understand

Comment [W15]: Not needed. Wordy:

http://www.quickanddirtytips.com/education/gram
ar/wordiness-and-idioms
Comment [W16]: Strange, odd, or difficult
might be a better choice here.
Comment [W17]: wordy

Shaima Al majed
Rhonda Waterhouse
27/08/2014
The Final Draft
the most of the story without pictures. The first attempt to ascend the stairs was harder
than I thought I felt I need someone to guide me along the way. I closed the novel and

Comment [W18]: run-on sentence:

http://www.quickanddirtytips.com/education/gram
ar/what-are-run-on-sentences

I went to my mother to ask her to take me to our neighbor's house. I cannot forget the
smile on her face when she heard my request. She did not ask about the reason when

Comment [W19]: unclear antecedent

Comment [W20]: unclear antecedent

she saw me handled handling the book in my small hands.

Comment [W21]: unclear antecedent

Comment [W22]: for what?

Marram was in the library as I expected. She approached to me and she asked

Comment [W23]: unclear antecedent

me enthusiastically how many paper pages I had read. I felt shy to about answering
her, "one paperpage" was my answer," but I did not understand lots of the vocabulary
that your dad used". This was not a serious problem as I read from her face. She
decided to read it with me after we finish our classes in school.

Comment [W24]: punctuation with quotation

marks:
http://theeditorsblog.net/2010/12/08/punctuation-in
dialogue/
Comment [W25]: unclear antecedent

However, Dday after day I learn how to read faster and faster. I stopped sitting
a long on my white papers since the day I handled the novel. Also my mom bought

Comment [W26]: What are you trying to say

here?

me a bookshelf in my birthday with many new books. I have a corner in my room

Comment [W27]: Preposition choice

which was filled now with my books. In the past I took long time to read a book, but
after my reading skills have improved, I can read and understand a lot of books easily

Comment [W28]: Verb tense

Comment [W29]: Verb tense

in a short time. I now read now varieties of books such as self-improvement, social
media, politics, psychology and also economics. My cousins sometimes come to ask
me to give them a good suggestion for a good book, and I use my knowledge to
choose the appropriate book based on their ages and personalities.
I now know how much important it is to use the power of words instead of
drawing them. I cannot imagine my life if I had no interest in anything as before, and
how it will be if I completekept my previous way, but I still chose not to leave my

Comment [W30]: Verb tense

Comment [W31]: Run-on sentence

Shaima Al majed
Rhonda Waterhouse
27/08/2014
The Final Draft
pens. I appreciate my parents efforts, and I thank Maram for giving me this great
chance.