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  • Mad 030

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    Revista MAD 030

    Drepturi de autor:

    © All Rights Reserved
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    294 vizualizări52 pagini

    Mad 030

    Încărcat de

    Lucho
    Revista MAD 030

    Drepturi de autor:

    © All Rights Reserved
    Descărcați ca PDF sau citiți online pe Scribd
    Indicator pentru conținut neadecvat
    din 52
    for President NEUMAN WORRY?’ BEGoodnrich Autoless —because you don’t NUMBER 30 ————-~~Gse >--—— With the fearfel strain that 1 didnot laugh Tshowld se PUBLISHER: William M. Gaines CONTRIBUTING ARTISTS: Bob Clarke ADVERTISING: Peter Bovis LAW SUITS: Martin Scheiman, Eg com me wight end day, Abrabam Lincoln John Putnam Jock Dovis Phil Intedondi DECEMBER 1956 DITOR: Albert 8, Feldstein CONTINUITY: Jerry De Fuccio Will Elder Wollace Wood Norman Mingo Don Martin Reed Crandall SUBSCRIPTIONS: Gloria Orlando LUNCHES: De Luca's Delicatessen @erereversersovoersesseersieesronerersscrersoorseoeTeTTs DEPARTMENTS, ADVICE DEPARTMENT Alfred E, Neuman answers questions AWARDS DEPARTMENT Requirements for MAD Merit Badges. . BAND-AID DEPARTMENT ‘A Saw Screams at Midnight. . BEAT-A-PATH DEPARTMENT ‘More Civilized Mouse Traps. . COLLECTORS DEPARTMENT The Manly Art of Self Defense. COLLEGE DEPARTMENT ‘A Selection of Collegiate Whimsey FAIR WARNING DEPARTMENT Motorists, Beware HISTORY DEPARTMENT ‘A Medal for Horativs. .. . HOLLYWOOD DEPARTMENT Scenes We'd Like To See. . LETTERS DEPARTMENT Random Samplings of Reader Mail. LITERATURE DEPARTMENT What Happened to Pulp Magazines MASS HYSTERIA DEPARTMENT Elvis Pelvis Rocks and Rolls. MOVIES DEPARTMENT ‘Morbid Dick, The Great White Whale. NOBODY ASKED US, BUT—DEPARTMENT NOSTALGIA DEPARTMENT MAD Builds an Old Comic Characters’ Home. SPORTS DEPARTMENT Bowling - T.V. DEPARTMENT Dizzyland WESTERN DEPARTMENT Gunsmoked | : 5 i : : $ : : i 3 i : : é ‘Amie Rosen & Coleman Jacoby make keen observations ** Peer i rere ervonrINE tr ieer TR eHeT rN iH Eee VVRWI IRWIN 10, 31, 48 40 ] 7 -18 +20 42 Giceevesecesssocseeeeressoosseoquveseoooorasecossssvsanocerreseessortienroeetooeeeone 13 tiving nero om cocidens” Prinses Ustad Site of Aer VITAL FEATURES ELVIS PELVIS 5 2 While controversial Evie continues to inspire teen ‘agers and incite parents, map‘s orticle on him will surely get some reaction. GUNSMOKED ..... a - BOWLING 20 Realistic T.V. show strips glamour from old west days, paints 9 vivid picture of things az they relly were, and disillusions kids. As millions of people ye ly join the swing to this popular sport, MAD shows the millions who. heven't how well-off they've been. ‘MORBID DICK . i. ydansaegacae jotyaced does sete ( cians conte treed Hon Cnoneccope teen tal bent as Oe seve fl or Bt Hn Sik PULP MAGAZINES ...... 4 Pp no recalls the matericl BEB once run in pulp maga: ines, now almost vanished from the newsstands, and foolishly invites some fate. A SAW SCREAMS AT MIDNIGHT. .. .38 Carl Reiner, who helps Sid Caesor on TV, is shocked to learn he also helps MAD by posing for photos in “Donit-yourself” book. MAD MERIT BADGES . . 40 With various organizations offering awards for con- structive activities, MAD fille need, offers awards for destructive activities DIZZYLAND vanes al Walt Dizzy and his Midas- like touch of gold is the target for Ma's satire darts in this piece which EA shows how jealous we are. MASS HYSTERIA DEPT. ST eC MEG Com UC amet in its insidious campaign of LLC un me Cem Corea Ean emu Sate ee ing its attention to the interesting and baffling phenomenon of... f By The Coroner. lar “On the Suect ELVIS PELVIS ems that Petry Como, wth his ime he On the seer je, squirm, rock and roll style of enemies and incites new objections exch ures of Elvis, oF Pillbilly singer, show ous motions and lament are by sentimen sensuous motions which punctuate sensuous lament. Sensu- from billilly days. Elvis tll wears itchy flannel longjohs. IAS ELVIS PELVIS SINGS VARIOUS TYPES OF POP TUNES CAREFREE CHUCKLE HAPPY GIGGLE HYSTERICAL HOWL yes ¥ Ye Keg mio iH catchy "Ie Oaly Hurts Whea I Li amusing revived” My Old Kentucky Home Brew. 3 Real Advertisement. ‘ut, Don't Sell Yourself SHORT! Wy et the fact that you're andcap you" Simply step into "ELEVATORS" amaring + sihtsncreasing shoes today. D vous ast 2 INCHES TALLER Instantly. Oly you know tow you gone aed stature, Tut everyone notices the provement Step pin the world step info" LEVATORS the shoes of success ABOUT THE ABOVE ADVERTISEMENT “The "Real Ad" above wat placed by 4 big-ine Madison Avenue Agency west the response of MAD sexles wo serio scoring. 65 Yd want se be tlle han she fae I enough, plese eespond to this adverse tment 1€ MAD sakes good showing, we ma? Bee "Real Ade” foe beer 80d cparewes. The Etre NOW ...IN FULL COLO! SWHAT-ME WORRY?” Kid reproduction: in colored woh 1ow available for 256, Mell money for Depl. “Whol~COLOR?", «/e MAD, Ro, 705, 225 Lofoytte Su, NY, 12, NY LETTERS DEPT. va FEL FREE FALL FERRIS les all righe to do sn article on Free Fall Ferris, since it cannot be denied thar his personal courage has taken us a step nearer the conquest of space. But why write biz up as sich a swell guy? ‘Those ‘of us who served with him in the USAF emember him at 4 diny lite stinker ‘This is just co get the record sezighe ‘Arnold Fersis Sen Francisco, Calif HEADQUARTERS MCGUIRE AIR FORCE BASE T6lith AIR BASE GROUP McGuire Air Force Base "Trenton, N. J IMPORTANT! BDP. SUBJECT: Misuse of word. To: MAD Magazine 1, Reference is made co MAD Maga ine, dated Sepcember 1956, Number 29. Subject: Free Fall Feris, panes six (6) theoogh eight (8) 3. Mainly: Page seven (7). 4 Imbeciles. Maniacs. Hypocrites. We ‘of MCGUIRE realize that all people are hot infallible, bur you of MAD are the 5. SMOP one (1) as reads “Ie wasn't that FF, Ferris minded being inducted {nto che air force.", is amended to read Te wasa't chat FF Reeris minded being abucted into the Air Force.” In fact, SMOP the whole darn magazine ‘6. Reference JANAP 169 to decode abbreviations TOR THE COMMANDER ‘A/2C Jeanne Carroll BDP. USAR Base Petsonnel John J. Mabon. 1 nel: Paper Clip (co be returned) Your fine coverage of that famous, ya unsung boro of the Acrobce Rocket Mieot wos lacking in one respects The operon of Ar and Buitonal Depts Toe wong saps thar the two. monkogs dhickened out while the plcutes show that inseparable io “Heat No Ev, Sox No Evil and Speak No Bil” Who is Covering up? Did the eitor le is wre far ht Bilows Cotton Pick? Have the arts been stealing Padst Red Ribbon Unt 3 Richard Hagan Arlington, Ye Here is farther information concern ing Pree Fall Ferris, Old 3 (as be was enowa by thote who served with him) now owns a small farm just outside of ‘White Sands where he raises cats §/Sat. Gerald E. Rose APO 323 BUBBLE GUM CARDS 1 was terribly disappointed to see my ‘great ancestor, Milton Forbisher, $0 us happily represented in your “Famous Cowards” Bubble Gum Cards. Milton was no coward. He'd had five quars of Padse Red Ribbon Usep just before he went ineo battle ‘Tom Louis Cincinnaet, Obio 1 resent whae your Hobby Depe. wrote shout my great-grest-grandfather, Milton Forbisher. How could he shoot before he say the whites of theie eyes when poor Milton was color blind? Its a proven fac! Charles E. Forbisher Springfield, Mas. Who are you to call Great-Grandpa a coward? He was as much of a coward as Tam, T daze you to come here and call my Great-Grandpa a coward c my face ‘Walter N. Gooher It St.Paul, Mina, PS. Juse write and cll me in advance when youre comi Your MAD Bubble Gum Cards were horrible, atrocious, crummy and miser- able. Who ever heard of ‘siving away Bubble Gum Cards with no Bubble Gum? Herbie Dicker Bronx, N.Y. ‘ape adaich whe need a ahol spell he glaly of ony or Sa DINING ETIQUETTE Upon reading the article on etiquerce, I proceeded to fest myself. I got all the wrong answers. Up watil then, my folks hada't ssid a word about my) manacre But now thar T've reformed and started eating the MAD seay, 1 am constantly being picked on by chem for my bad mam ners. Which is what I've been trying to accomplish all along! Thanks Dave DeSilver Eastham, Mass A whole section should be devored to Basil "Wolverton’s humorous deawings, Michael Dworkin Detroit, Mich amorous Drowings? Many praises ro you for the ewo page spread on "Dining Esquete.” It was @ real pass, Ken Schaber Buchanan, Mich, MAKE-YOUR-OWN COMICS T had quite a time pusting together your Do-lt-Yourself Love-Story Comic. However, when 1 got through pasting, cutting, sticking, ec, ic wurned out to be a Horror-Story Comic Who's covering up? Sam Cornell Tos Angeles, Calf. TEENAGERS Maybe you get your information from teenagers in N. Y. for your articles. They sure don't resemble teenagers out here Our customs ate diferent thas those ia your mag. We don't wear boots, jeans, tee-shirs, or blac jackets. We wear wet {ies, penser, long-sleeved shires, and club jackes Joseph Randy Salas Reseda, Calif Now York Toenagert? GRINGO 1 have @ correspondence GRINGO game going with 2 scieaust ac White Sands, He shouted "Gringo" recenely, but instead of just throwing his ehree darts he attached rackets to them. Plesse ad wise me if this ip fair as I have ewo holes in my root. (The thitd dart dowoed a B.59 in the vicinity of Denver.) Jeremy Miller Park Ridge, Ul Just gor a set of GRINGO and think its great. Have already won seven hu deed dollars. The secret is in using poison tipped dart. Bur I've found that Tm running out of opponents, What should Tdo? Doug Vance Kenilworth I. You claim that Exnie Kovacs is the in ventor of GRINGO. Not erue! I invented the great game two yeas before he claims bedi. Josef Trowakow Moscow, US We started with a small group (72 players), and at the ead of sixteen days of continuous play, there were just three of us lef. Howaed Landsteom Chicago Il, When I read GRINGO by Ernie Ko- vac, T wondered why this marvelous game hadn'c been introduced to che pub: Tic before this. After I played the game, Found out Dale Harris ‘Temple Cty, Cali T ied your game of GRINGO and the whole house went up in smoke. Bur the hest part was when my uncle (the former mayor of Hong Kong) cam and slipped on a roundie and fell on a green dart 1 combined GRINGO with your rules on "How to Give a Party" and got rid of a few unwanted guests before the festivities began Phil Shaw (formerly of) Redondo Beach, Calif (The wholetown went uup in smoke.) REAL ESTATE wish to express my appreciation to you for...your fascinating magazine MAD. I enjoyed reading i very much, articularly the article ip connection with real estate Willian Zeckendoef New York,NY, You can bet your life that Fm on your side Willian J. Levie Leviteows, Pa, ADVICE DEPT. I was shocked by Alfred E. Neuman's advice in his “Answers Your Questions page. Yech! Any fracernity man can cell {out that’s no way eo tea hangman's knot. Ieis ted thusly: Around, back, over, over, ver, over, over, over, and’ through with a loop geometrically similiar t0 the graph of ay=x(x—b) Walter Vaux Seattle, Wash. Alfred E, Neuman says you tie a hang: man’s knot rhusly: Right over lef, lefe round right, theough and ander. This is Completely wrong! It is tied thusly: Right ‘over left, right around left, chrough and ver. That is the cortect method. Seeve Winchel Wichita, Kansas SEVEROLET Haye just bough « Severolet “Check rate” and now I have a sctious problem, To get in, I removed the engine, But one of my helpfol buddies bolted ie back in. ‘The windows are jammed closed. T can't get out. And this black-and i driving me mad.. mad ‘Hugh Conerll Salt Lake Cis Uah Please address all correspondence. to: MAD, Room 706, Dept. 30, 225 Lafay- ‘tte Street, New York 12, New York sch Vilage whe weer makeup ome WESTERN DEPT. AND NOW MAD PRESENTS ITS OWN VERSION OF THE REALISTIC WESTERN TV PROGRAM THAT BEGINS WITH AN UNUSUALLY REALISTIC WESTERN FLAVOR. GUNSMOKED conriwuco SOUS RULES LO MCSE ALTRI Ra CUR LRN LC aC QO xi m | [ How ware} (1 SMCS RUSSO am (a ef They wuz a! {That's sight, 2! | Chesed Who GUNSMOKED CHARACTERS TYPIFY HIGH-TYPE CITIZENS WHO PIONEERED ly of horse trough 4 ADVICE DEPT. PART 1! lte)43 ALFRED E. NEUMAN ANSWERS YOUR QUESTIONS PROBLEM: Ever since | con remember, I've been teribly fond of stuffing birds Bet | love my stuffed birds more! Whot con | do? Confused, ee s Dept.: Rare old FRayhem THE MANLY ART OF SELF DEFENSE ‘The editors of MAD, striving ever onwards and upwards in pursuit of the uncouth, herewith reprint a rare and valuable treatise on the Manly Art of Self Defense. (We say manly art of self-defense because in most fights, it's ‘women who mien got to defend themselves against). Ar any rate, chi rare ang valuable treatise, originally. written by Edmund E. Price and published in New York in was obtained for MAD only after hours of exhausting, and persistent effort on the part of the resea ent. (She had 0 follow an old guy on a junk cart for at lea fore he would scop and sell it.) his i Scientific work and since anything scientific has go 0 be flo ig words ro make is herewith provide ar the boctom of exch p waage of what's being scientifically said al fase Bust inthe Kees z ae ee Ray tecken eee a ecome # Boxer. The same rae be implied it that if that point were reached in our time we ‘Arms may be supplied by might not be unwilling to undergo amputation for al machinist and while these may-not at the purpose of replacing the amputated member to perform all the duties with a much barder and more rapid hier . Boxer, the continuous ‘With the head i¢ ix decidedly different. For this ive manufacture gives us the right reason we do strongly recommend our readers to dhe competency of artificial arms look after this very important orsen Nt spits a he sna yomorla, Tora Big man Farouk doeen) look bed ino Bin af SEGOND BLOW JBi018 Vow i aimed at the lower ction of the A naman, sous in Cenc Ben eater earn sother, This Blow wil be a decided teaser TRANSLATION Low bow Fs Tai “ THIRD PARRY ry to jah blow by a sudden movement. be cowardice, The truth is able from every blow. TRANSLATION es they Fe playing OUR SONG! HOLLYWOOD DEPT. alwan SCENES WE'D LIKE TO SEE The Gladiator and the Empress es . WA f Bs \ OP POX So I BEAT-A-PATH DEPT. Leave us face it. mes they share all this in this mous corge, youl bave k hard abou this, y fool knows rice don’t wear shoes! area All kidding aside, his article hes been written because MAD has a conscience. This article has been written because MAD has a feeling for poor litle animals. But has been written becau And s0, on these two pages, MAD suggests es to che problem of rapping mice, On these two pages: MAD BUILDS A MORE CIVILIZED MOUSE TRAP Culture-toving mouse pastes through attractive en- france (A) of trap designed to look like high class ‘art gallery (8). Corridors (C) and (0) are lined witht framed microscopic reproductions of valuable old ‘masters. Door to salon (E) has sign (F) announcing special showing of original world famous paint ing of the Mona Lisa. Excited mouse rushes into. selon (GI, sees frame (HI with canvas (i) slashed to ribbons (J), pnd has heart attack THE ATHLETIC APPROACH Muscle-fexing, he-man-type mouse is urged by cleverly-worded sign (A) to prove strength by slamming lever (8) with sledge-hommer (C) send- ing weight (D) up wire (E) ringing bell on top (Fl. Gullible mouse confidently makes attempt (G) bul ingeniously tapered wite (E) prevents weight [D) from reaching bell (F). Stubborn mouse, after try ing in vain ail night, collopses from exhaustion. ‘THE FANTASTIC APPROACH mn-minded mouse, lured from hole (A) corded sound (8), watches in awe os mechanical flying saucer (C) makes simulated landing. Mouse's excitement mo « ond ladder Neurotic-type mouse impulsively enters door (A) of trap designed to look like mouse-ptychiatrist’s office (8), lies down on couch (C), tells oll to me- chanical nodding mouse-enalys (0) for usual hour session (E), is then handed bill (Fl, and at sight of outlandish charge IG), blows top. THE POUTICAL APPROACH Civie-minded mouse sees marquee (A) annos big mass-meeting political rall doorway (8) of trap d auditorium jammed wi down aisle (D}, slide: Reader-of-Mad-Type Mouse, attracted from hole A) by current issue of this magezine (8) opened to this article (C), sees sheer idiocy of suggested civilized approaches (D, E, F, G, & HI, knows thot old-fashioned gadget is only effective method of trapping mice, and dies laughing. FAIR WARNING DEPT. MAD, mindful of its responsibility to readers and anxious to allow them to gain any advantage, however small, over non-readers, presents this next vital article. MOTORIST THE SEE-SAWING WAR i Seo : Fist sroegic move come when pole deduced that isolated twostone patrol crs were easily recognized by motorists diving oll black cos Police Departments atound the country are going all-out 10 enforce che laws of the highways, and rightly so. Yes, leven MAD is for highway sefety and law enforcement. But it is the method used thac we object to . . . method being this trend toward non-police-looking police cars that catch the unsuspecting motorist unawares. Up to now, motorists, have been able f0 cope with the problem of how «9 recognize A WARNING OF THINGS TO GOOD HUMOR TRUCK Police mobile odor uit disguised os « Good uno tuck will check speeding cos. Alert mo ters, however, willbe ele to tell foke palice Good Humor tuck from real thing. Paice Good Hur man will be too busy consulting redor scren f rng his ball. I you see © Good Humor slow down! rman whois not ringing his bl Wotch Stroegic move by police consisted of painting two-tone potrl cos back to match motors’ block cos, thereby forestling recognition, Innocent-ocking boty cartioge will be onother device to cath ering motors. Carioge, equipped with 180 ersepower engine, wil do 85 rip, ocleratng to top speed frem o standing start in 12 seconds, Cortes one midget police rman inside, regolorsied polcaan os stores. for sleerer’s retractable roller skates! Zl Motorists retalioed quickly by trading in black cars for pasteclored voritios, thus ogcin Inoloting rare, out-of ploce bck patrol cas police cars (see above), despite the Police Departments’ in Sidious campaign ro remain hidden. But recently, MAD learn: ced thar the latest move on the part of the mocoriss (taking to wearing bright hued clothing) has infuriaced the Police Departments. After all, an officer of the law must wear a uniform, of else how are people going to respect him? So now, the police have come up with the most devilish LEMONADE STAND Police helopter disguised ar lemoncde stond wil hover over highways. ond trop spenders However, alert motorist will be able o tell foke police ston frm real one. Rea Imanade snd wil not hove rotting umbrlla and, depending on strength of lemonade sold, real stand wil ot bw more thn a foot of the ground, Coefll 6 OF RECOGNITION B = = ~ COME..NEW SE ss BEWARE! Police counerattcked by discarding roe black patrol cars, acquiring. new pastel-olced ones to moleh mators, ogain going advantoge. plan of all to trap che motorist into the traffic courts Disguised patrol cars that don't even look like cars! ‘The indignant editors of MaD feel that fire should be met with fire. After exhaustive research we have spied out the Imajoricy of disguises planned and are herewith exposing. them (see below). We aze also preparing a booklet entitled, “How to Disguise Your Car and Thus Avoid Inconvenience Motorist’ loest move wos to adapt outlondish lthing styles ike plaid caps and chartreuse jackets, thus soloing dll police uniforms. TO DATE But wor of cognition is not yet over. While ‘moteris dve on with a false sense of secur ty, police or readying seu! weapons. (below). This booklee will tell how, with a little paint and some minor revisions, you can make your car appear like a sraall ranch house, a rock garden or a base fiddle, If you wish, to obtain this booklet, simply address a card “To whom ic ‘may concern” and deposit it in che pouch of any large kang- roo you see at the 200, We feel that, for the time being, it’s best to keep this movement as well-hidden as possible. SLED AND DOG TEAM By this winter, police will have put ino ection patrol unit disguisod 0s Alaskan sled complete with 8 mechanized huskies. A V-1 motor ill be ‘concealed in eoch ofthe mechanical dogs, giving thisjob the equivelet of V-8 dogpower engin. Te fall foke police sled and dog team from the teal thing on icy roads. . sen for barking! Another winter device will be meorzed plc ‘man hin inside posi snowmen. Although this it wil not be able fo attains high a speed ‘ther veils, the thought behind i s that ny motorist who soos himself being chosed by a snowman will alometicaly slow down. To tll © fake, bist with exhaust, then chck for meting. ICRET WEAPONS. .DISGUISED POLICE CARS SNOWMAN FOUR-MAN BOBSLED Keep on oye out for this baby on ily highwoys. Disputed os « fourmen bobsled, this device is powered by 0 225 hp. engine with @ 9.25 to 1 14 four-speed tansmison 1 recording clerk ond 4 rofic court justice Yor onthe-spt trial. Wotch for telltale gave-rpping anchor man! compresion rat Ir cores two. + Gif who sive That phone pumbar fo srangert in Bor dont figure to be good cook B 7 NOSTALGIA DEPT. MAD establishes an... OLD COMIC-STRIP CHARACTERS’ HOME Recently, MAD_was presented with a serious and touching problem. This prob- lem was so serious and s0 touching, it kept tus awake nights thinking about ic. What happens 0 the comic-strip character of yesteryear? Where does be go, once his popularity has waned? What does he do to while away each endless day of obscurity? We thought about this serious and touching problem for « long time, and then we decided co do something about it. We decided to build a home for these lovable old cast-off comic-strip tharacters. We decided to establish a place where they could spend the rest of exernity happily, a yeritable drawing board in the sky. Be: low is a picture of our finished product ‘Now MAD has another serious and touch: ing problem: How we gonna pay for it? (1) Lite Nem, lp Felix the Cows. (2) Cie! Wahoo. (9) The Mieke fom "The Squirrel Cage. (4) Barn: ‘by, Me, OMolley. (5) Flin’ Jenny. (6) Botmen and Rohin, semi-raied, still in comic books. (7) Bre Gentry. (8) Ace Orymmond. (9) Toilspin Tommy. (10) Barney Baxter. (11) Peter Ftdown, Chat, Mi rie, Shodroch the Hermit, (12) The Spirit, Ebony, Com missioner Dolan. (13) Scorchy Smith, (14) Desperate Desmond, Hoirreodth Horry. (15) Dickie Dare. (16) Soppo, The Profesor. (17) Bunky, Fogon. (18) The Feily Upsets. (19) Doc Yok, The Beor. (20) Sily Mile. (21) Sonny. (22) uster Brown, Tige the Bll dog. (23) Just Kids, Gendpop ond Baby, ir. Bonner the Policeman. (24) Dinglehoter and his Dog. (25) Count Serewiose ond his Crary Dog. (26) Skeets (27) Skippy, Sooky. (28) Tho Pusycot Pines. (28) Wr. Jack. (20) Kran Kot, Ignatz Mouse, Ose Pupp. (81) Lite smsmy. (2) The Kewpies. (38) Rocky Moson (34) Mr. ond Mrs. (35) Che Chan. (26) The Neb. (37) Daspert Ambrose, Pop from °S'Matter op (28) “Thor's My Pop and son. (39) The Timid Soo, (40) Momo, Cec, Pe from “Pos Soniaw”. (61) Don Winsow of the Novy. (42) Sgt. Fat of "Radio Patrol, Piney, ish. (43) Jimmy Ougon, Raymond, Puddnhend, the "Rear Feller”. (44) Fop._ (45) Jerry onthe Job. (46) Daisybele. (47) Miss Fury. (48) Tots ond Casper. (49) Aiphonse and Gaston. (50) Set, Lester De Pst (51) Foxy Grondpa. (52) Hoppy Hocligen, Maud the Mle, (52) Panhandle Pete. (58) The Yellow Kid. (55) Napoleon, Uncle Ely. (56) Gorece. (57) Jane Arden. (58) Ape Mary. (59) The Goons fom “Popeye”. (60) Homer Hoopes. (61) Hoold Teen, Pop, Shodow. (62) Wing from “Rash Gordon’. (83) Brod and Dod. (64) Abié the Agent. (65) Aunt Eppe Hogg, Mickey McG, Pop Worl, Flytrap Finnegan, The Skipper, Suitcase Simp- son, The Powerful Katinka nd her sweetheart the Dot, The Terrible-Tempered Mr. Bong, “The Toonevile Felts’. (66) et Scott. (67) New avs rom "Beyond Mas. (68) Mare guests doe ony moment Etor’s Note: Any relied comie-strp choracers ot in ‘luted in this panaroma were probably onthe bak porch inthe recreation room wotching ld movies on 1 whan the picture wos mode, Next sue, MAD builds an Ol ComicSip Ariss’ Home. ys inpressed when wa son = mon ‘eoting both spots ond Bermod short. SPORTS DEPT. mater Where are those nice loving What's happened fo those nice Where are those tough-looking couples you used to see in the friendly folks you used to see teenagers you used to see on park each evening, walking in their homes every evening, the street corners each eve- hand-in-hand or smooching? playing bridge or poker? Heh? ning, getting in trouble? Hoh? ‘ops! They're still there! Well anyway, what about the rest of the people? they are! Indulging in the sport that enables Where are they these evenings? Here's where them fo unleash all their pent-up hostilities! If you've got any pent-up hostilities chis i listen co che rumble as the ball chund saables yo the deafening ust listen to the splinter st Just listen hic i the he a thrill! Juse ean eens oretiedy get BOWLING CLOSE-UPS OF BOWLER SHOW RELEASE OF PENT-UP EMOTION Spins down alley... Hooks in sharply... Approaches pins... : ‘A STRIKE! DIAGRAMS BELOW SHOW TYPES OF THROWS USED IN BOWLING THE STRAIGHT BALL THE HOOK BALL THE CURVE BALL THE LOFT BALL BOWLING conrie> niga LEARNING TO BOWL Lesson 1: Gripping the Ball The bowling bal is gripped with 3 Hold hond with these thre fingers Grosp bowling ball firmly and lit. One important thing we forgot to fingers, the mide finger, the in- —polnting downward, fld the ofhars You are now rndy fr the next im- tell you about sipping the ball dex flger and the thumb, which (back, approach ball rac, ond slip portant step in leoring to bow into the 3 spcil holes provided. fingers ino holes in bowling boll. The Approach, Cory ball. ODO! Lesson 2: The Approach == o> @ | wee, The important thing in tho opproch is fo hove perfect form. Start with on the next eft, whichis another 14 lah step (3). Then cross over with feet together, New, toke © 14 Inch stop with your lft foot (I), followed your right fet, and slide oni. You'l find ths to be rather avkward for ‘uikly by your sight fot, stepping about Hrce thet distance (2. Slow up owing but en a dance Noor, with the right music, isa tefc Mambo! MAGIC-EYE CAMERA SEQUENCE CATCHES PERFECT BOWLING ALLEY FORM sof... OVAVAOOM! That fellows! Hey Fellowal Poy attentoe! —telking ob og ica Creer eee ree es her thing we forgo fell you bout gripping the boll. moke sure the holes are big enough ‘Ww, Yhemagi-aye cameo catches the... Oh! just on 2 * A GLOSSARY OF FAMILIAR BOWLING TERMS FOUL LINE SPLIT What happens when you go bowling in tight ponts ‘What you'll hear when you forget the pinboy's tip. ‘Where you'll sleep when you ‘get home from bowling at 3 AM! A SIMPLE OUTLINE OF HOW TO SCORE IN BOWLING... Scoring i 0 fescnating a enjoyable port ofthe gome of bowing. 1f you know how to soe, you ave indeed fortunate, monly becouse scoring Sives you a chance to sit down, Here, then, iso rit simple uti of aw 1 keep score. To make even simpler, we’ hove supplied store (dove) which you can fellow while learning. Reedy? Than ‘A game of bowling consists offen innings, oc romes. There ten pias setup foreoch frame, and you have two bol, chances foknodk os many ‘of them down os you con. If you knock dawn, oy, sven pins wih your te balls in the: fist frame) you put © soven ta the fit fame’ big box No, the litle box inet forthe score The midgets Bowling in the next clay make, tha Tile bors in case you'make spore of strike If you knock down cil fen ping with your two balls, thot iy o\spre. you knock down all en pins with your fist bal, thot sw strike. if you mike «spare, you don't put anything down in the ig bok, you put 0 spare sign in the ile box=This gives’ you ten pins plus the amount of pins you knock dower with your péat bell. If you get strike, yoo put strike sgn inthe file boxand this ives you fe pins plus the emough of pis you knck down with your next two balls. Thus, f you get « Spare inthe fist frame, and you knack down eight pis with the fist bal in ‘he second frame, you can ste that you get eighfen in the fist frome, If you get o strike inthe fits frome and knock dawn rine pi with both Boll in the second frame, you cn see that you get nineteen in the'fis frome}ond nine more in the Second frame Tor totl of twenty-eight AR et BAAS AS Howsrer, 00 gt Ton plas with bath balls inthe Zend fom. Yo car is gives you, wen} points in the fist fame end spre sign io 38 second Famer which means tha! ip the Second Grime, youl ad ten Points fo the Fwen fm the fst Trae pls the amount of ping you knock down with thet ballin thethird frome, Now yu gt se withthe frst bell ithe second fame ond’ You lead: fod @ skein heist ‘ame; you cont put anything dows inthe fs frome Because os you yoy stil have anothe bol coming which wont be ole il he thid frame, Thos, he pins you knock down with at ist ball the third ‘rome wil be edd tte fn pins 60 knocked! down wi the stke ball in the Second from, ond al tt wil beaded to fhe pins you knocked down with te srike-bell in theft framaiYo giv yop you ist frome’ scare Then, the-ins you knock dower wih-the secon ell you rll in ‘he third opt wil be_oddadto-the ins you knbckod down wih the first bll inthe hid cme ond that wil be dd tothe ten pins you kenockad down with the siike.bol inthe second frame Which wil be coded tothe scare inthe fist frome te give you fhe scare in ho etond frame) Now, if you hoppeno get srke wih the fst ball you rll the hid framethen you stil owe one more bll othe Second fram whic won't be flled fil thtfourth fore, \apd which willbe tbe fist othe two you owe tothe third frame, and ‘Wel, you con se, whan it comes to scoring, here is one place where you en gtd of plant pent-up hostility. FAMOUS RECORD HOLDERS IN BOWLING JOHN L. LEWIS \ On , Seventeen Strikes ina Row T+ We may be wrong but el women svem herier wen They lake offer shoes TOMMY MANVILLE Eleven Splits in a Row scoop 7’BEARD ‘Nineteen Pinboys in a Row 23 end now, from the hallawed halls off Inslilules of Higher Learning COLLE OIANALE come these collected examples of... WHIMSEY COLLEGIATE WHIMSEY conrmuso PITCHERS and POACHERS MOVIE DEPT. arereen The other Friday (fish day, to be sure!), your editors went down to sea. That is, we went down to see a picture playing at a first-run N. Y. movie theatre. It was apicture all about a whale. And, boy, you should have heard the wail we wailed! Not that we wailed when we saw how the whale dies at the end in this picture. We didn’t even wail when we saw how prac- tically everybody dies at the end in this picture. We wailed mainly when we saw how much money we had to pay to see this picture in a first-run N. Y. movie theatre. Anyway, when we got through wailing, we paid our buck-eighty-five and saw this picture all about the hunt for the Great White Whale named... Moréid Dick Ree i |W PICTURES STIRING FINAL SCENES, Copin Aslob (played by Legory Peg), bearing storing resemblance Yo Abe Lincoln, stands csride Morbid Dick’ and skilfully demonstrates the fine old ort of whole-spliting CHARACTERS IN MELVIN’S BOOK COME ALIVE IN PICTURE'S STARK REALITY “Call me Fishmeal!!’ SIS Bi Y) Pe -W. Gaba ‘WITH THESE OMINOUS WORDS, Morbid Dick begins Queeg-Queeg, Ex-Cannibal Father Maplesyrup, Ex-Sea Captain = NEXT WE MEET Oueeg-Queeg, ex-Connbal tuned EX-SEA CAPTAIN Fathor Menlesyrup (played by Fishneal (played by Richard Bossheor?-Worpooner, who speoks with od Midde-European some Beli, who turned proocher efter losing ad) wending way over rugged countryside eoking _acent. He has been wondering oround New Bed- bis ship when it rammed though rer of church, for New Bedford, Mast. He ha hard fine finding ford trying to sell hs hood but gives up the delivers sermon on Jonch ond whale from bow- it... since picture is being shot in Ireland. idea because, without his wim would be poor, spit pul. Right off, they give away whol ple. To Chances ara the red faced bossa whe naka The Bouncer bal wih ove punch hin hes To0ah a7 MORBID DICK conrmuto The Mad Prophet Starstruck, the First Mate Various Sad-Faced Women ‘ ly. 4 AS THEY BOARD wholing bork Feckwad, Fshmeal DISGRUNTLED ot supporting port he has to play, LOCAL IRISH WOMENFOLK, used as extras to rep cand Queeg-Queeg are sopped by wide-eyed rog- Pckwat's fist mate, Mr. Sorruck (played by resent sod-oced New Bedtord wives bidding men ied stranger who makes string nd foreboding Lee O'Genn), fail in tfept to stic up crew, goodbye, are actclly members of local Bory [rophecy.. prophecy being thatthe voyage wll chonge plot, turn plcure into other “Mutiny Fitzgerald Fon Club conned into ising wp on be illfated! MAD will certainly lompoon it! on the Bounty" with hi in Cork Goble role, quay in anticipation of hit aval by senplane HALFWAY THROUGH CTE CARTAN ASLOB FINALLY MARES AN APPEARANCE « f when Copin TENSION NOUNS os fle coin TERSION 15 UABEAABLE ax he TEASION 15 SDDENY REEVE or Aslob finaly ppecrsonquarerdec, ta fist man who spats Morbid Dick. nls ccin to. mast as incentive, hemises, slams thumb with hammer. BITTER WHALING CAPTAIN ASLOB, BENT ON REVENGE, FIRES UP HIS CREW CRAVING REVENGE upon the Great White Whale which hos muted im, fr Morbid Oick by sporking them with impossoned pls, by igniting ther Coptin slo suc in infanig the ew members nt shernghisated_ with promises of money, but mail by geting tha it wth lent gol eS W ss—'\ 22 <4 ars vi MORTALY WOUNDED Bt WARFOONSimbeced in hk td, ednary Black INTERESTING SCENE in pire toes place when Cptin Ab, who lest wile ros dries over waves in wid manever known os “Nonckt agin previous unin with Mri Dik, Holo rendevou ot 0 with Shighide”,clsrly ining orn of made s30r of wole hing, athe colin i Rovehad unhappy xhonges wih Gre! Wits Whol WHALE HUNTS, CALMS, STORMS, HOT TEMPERS, BUILD TO PICTURE'S CLIMAX NORBID SCENE comes when wholer Pachwed i bcolmed on vest Pacific ond ULTIMATE HEIGHT OF MORBIDITY is reached during same dismal scone Connie! Harpooner Queeg-Qveeg, who foetlsdsmol future with pick-up when bored ond restless crew members amuse themslves by sng thelr clasp sticks, commisions ship's carpenter fo bulld him c wole-light coffin. knives fo play © goy version of tick-tad-to on Queeg-Cueey's chest WN WZ AS WILD TYPHOON engults ship, crew scrambles inte rigging, not Yo fo HOWEVER, WATERLOGGED SAIL, torn loose by roging storm, falls to dack szils bt to ge fity-yordrm seo for showdown Beieen axe-cming Siar- where mutious fret mate i quarag of wit stubborn Copoin cn qulekly struck ond horpoon-helting Ale, with St. Elmos fice sparking things. ends fight by dropping wet blanket on whole furshluggine precoding y ALFRED E. NEUMAN ANSWERS YOUR QUESTIONS He laughs ond says the only way we'll ever got marr is ver his dead body! What shall Ido?—Desperote, HISTORY DEPT. JA Medal for Horatius is now this copy of an ancient Roman frieze was titled to us. by Col. W. C. A careful study reveals astonishing similarities Armies across the ages...mainly chicken. F ROME, AUS OSCE, OF HONOT THE ATTACK ON THT CAUEIUM, AND. LY, WITH f AND CO ING THE ITV, CAPTAIN HORATIUE DID HIT AN KILL ONE MAI AKIPTA TANDI HORATIUG APEINT TION O Tite MAY, OC ERT TO PHF TH, SNE: VI HORATIUE, VATE OR CLUGTUNS TH SNDIVIDUAT. fall, who sent it in GT OF THECAT om 46 BIT WAG A ONE. REC PICUR OF ony if, OF TIERS HE MAIOR FFICED a IVs IND, G: i f, TANIA WAME If GATUR GAT GE BERVIC TO 2N YEARS. ROMULA! ROM TNT ONE YEAR TH COR EGOUTE, HAG T FOR MILITARY Ty Vin THD, TAG in, GF PEERWAT 2 AG THE, COOLAT PORGENA RAID WAG 5103 LITERATURE DEPT. : What's happened to the. f Hbody pulp cenders v4 “Cut that down, ye Spanish dogs!” he roared. Iron Men an Wooden Heads “The Armada laughed when Fenwic carracks hove to off Rum Cove. But x gan to fly, the proud fleet was scutilebutt deep ir Pret vick clenched his teeth on the dirk p d cluttered into the niain et, Grapeshoots w around him. Quickly he secur and raving it through the ‘baft nned it to the fennel with the Sut that down, ye Spanish Veopordy BOFFOLA IN THE BUNKERS Drop that Carrot, = & Red River Dan! j senate be zak BAND-AID DEPT. ‘This article, with pictures posed by Carl Reiner of che Sid Caesar show, is ennicerned with the craze of "Do-it-yourself", ‘currently sweeping the country. So this article is dedicated to the crazy do-it-yourselfers, currently sweeping theit ci MAD, vitally interested in the strange continued incre DIMESE sales of Band-Aids, peered into windows, looked up old craft guild histories, pored aver cool catalogues, and finally came up with this article. We came up with this article mainly when we swiped ic from a book* we found at our local lending library. Here then, is a capsule version of A SAW SCREAMS AT MIDNIGHT With this simple tool .. . {> a pioneer built this Nay you ive with on, one—n Handy Andy, a. Fixit, the guy wi sovdust in hit hot isto of dandrt. He's the heme crftsman, the do-it vyousller, the fugitive fom @ lumberyar While legions ofthese fellows, were boring sawing ond generaly chewing thee way trough $120 millions” ayhe you're one yours, bet certainly you know « cellor fll of tools and worth of lomber lst year, termites wee ble to et thr wey through oly S40 milion. The firs home cftsmon wos the cavern, He squcted over bis work and grote. The madern home crftsman als squotsocosionlly, but gruts only when be res straighten up. His language is more devel ‘oped than the cavero’s, You should hear it whan something goes wrong. The caveran’s basic tol was the sone hammer, The modern woodworker’ a home craftsman built this UK AN VY, isthe power sow mich is more developed than the caveron’ stone ham mar, but less versatile. You cant smack ¢ dinesour on the negin ‘wih @ Shopsmith, Some man on Long sland tied! it ond they tok him. away. Noah was the fst do--yourselfer of history. He made otripla-decker ‘ack out of gopher wood. And Noah didi the hard way. No diagrams. No handy hardwace sore or local lomberyord How-t-do--yourel hos deep roots in American trdiin, toe. He sooner had the pllarns stepped off Plymouth Rock thon they mt an Indian who said “How?” Then come Goarge Woshinglon, 0 pretty handy guy with © hotthet. He wos followed by Abraham Lincoln, sometimes coled "The Roil Spier” because the ‘bench sow had not yet been invented, But the ea ofthe hondymen whe \e ‘eK THE FIRST HOME CRAFTSMAN THE MODERN HOME CRAFTSMAN 36. *°A SAW SCREAMS AT MIDNIGHT" The WhoaunicYourstt Book, by G,A. Mile. Copyrisn 1956 by E,P. Buton & Co, Inc New York HINTS FOR THE HOBBYIST Lit Lag Ste LU ‘ould do things fr himselt was already doomed. Ei Whitney hd put the crusher on it with his ctton gi which ushered inom age of decadent ristocacy.For generations smart people ‘hough of their hands only os something thot gove a finshed Took to a sieeve. Aside from the beau geste of fosing on cxesional hand to @ manicurist was @ nisonce, something thot got caught in mousetops and wos later te cause mit understondings in crowded elevators. The hand had to be vwosed ond dried endesy. In winter i ted Hue and hod to be blown pon or sored in on old pocket. The hond bod become obsolete. Suddenly, al tis chonged, About 1945 came ‘he Do--Yoursef revolution. Fenpe redscovere their hands, and found that they were ideo for holding 100s, for ding and moking things around the home, Today smart people no Tanger sbow each other thee operations, but thar calles ay a PROGRESS OF THE HOBBYIST Late) 13 AFTER AWARDS DEPT. Cahitecuirn-dgndi You know how there are chose millions of stalwart, upstand- cerned with che millions of stalwart, upstanding examples ing examples of American youth who join the Boy Scouts of American youth who dow'e wane vo kunckle down and and Girl Scours, who learn co be trustworthy, loyal, helpful, earn Merit Badges, We're concerned with you clods! Just and like thar, and who knuckle down and earn Merie Badges because you don't indulge in constructive activiti for such constructive activities as Bird-Bath Building and mean you shouldn't have « chance co earn Merit Chicken. Raising. You know abour them? Well, in this In this nexc article, MAD gives you the chance with seven fext article, we're aot concerned with them, Were con- awards for constructive activities you clods do indulge in, MAD (i BRAGGING Requirements: 1. Be able to narrate convincingly a fic tional experience, such as fime you single- handedly foiled ottempt by armed bandits to hold Up Ladies Turkish Bath, or time you captured dangerous Russian spy. 2. Give four slimulating accounts of fan- ciful experiences with members of oppo: site sex. Work up repertory of gestures and vivid facial expressions for emphasis 3. Learn to deliver such boasts os: "My ‘ol’ man can lick yer ol” man... anytime!” 4, Learn to deliver first oid #0 ol” man, Requirements: 1, Demonstrate three examples of bullying, sch as relieving article you've wanted from someone smaller than you; or forcibly win- ning argument with buddy by threatening to knock his block off; or if you're « boy, beat- ing up a litle gil. IIf you're @ girl, beating ‘up younger brother is acceptable.) 2. Knock over old peddler’s pushcart. 3. Knock over old peddler. 4) Wait for smallest, weakest classmate af ter school, make him carry your books home. 5. Better sill, make him carry you home! CIGAR SMOKING —_ Requirements: |. Be able to «moke without flinching, gasp. ing, or watering of the eyes, an B inch Panatela hemp-filled cigar (including smok: ing through cigar bane) down 10.6 Ya’ but 2. Show proficiency in disposing. of cigor bbutt by over-shoulder toss into cuspidor ot © distance of not less than 14 feet 3. Develop ability to light up, and draw forth rich, billowing clouds of fragrant smoke from @ chocolate cigar 4, Smoke fo the bitter end, with ulter non chalance, an exploding cigar. CRIBBING Requirements: 1. Demonstrate ability of adtoit cheater to tesist temptation of self-consciously rcising eyes from exam paper to proctor. 2. Develop three methods for cribbing, such as inserting scroll in-empty wristwatch case. (As stem is wound, answers appear fon face.) Occasionally otk proctor what fime he has to dispel suspicion. Note: In above requirement, crude methods such as wrifing answers on white-walled sneakers will not be valid, Be original, like weiting onswers on insides of eyelids Requirements: 1, Collect needed equipment, like crayons, soap, chalk, old lipsticks, burnt cork, etc. 2, Design and execute five startling types of poster-defacing mustaches. 3. Design and execute four bosic oltera: tion devices for use on advertising signs like: @. front teeth black-out stencil; b. pin ple stomper; ¢. horn-rimmed glasses tracing Guide; d. adhesive Smith Brother Iype beard. 4, Demonstrate ability to scrawl clever te marks, poems, and messages illegibly on fences, sidewalks and rest-room wall Requirements: 1. Demonstrate four goofing-off 0 such as sleeping in the cellar, | lower branches of Sassafras Tree, dangling bare feet in curbside mud-puddle, napping during Civies class, etc. 2. Give six adequate lame excuses for get- fing out of running errand for parents, like “1 can't! I got @ sprained ankle!" or “Why do | always gotta go down to the saloon for the pail of beer? | don't even like beer!" or "it's @ free country! Lincoln freed the slaves! You can't moke mel" Stuff like that. Requirements: 1. Cultivate spineless, relexed slouch in order to drape shape against front of: o Drug store) b. Pool Hall; c. Burlesque. 2. Practice till perfected an uncouth leer. 3. Become adept al penny-pitching, candy machine kicking ond key chain twirling, 4. Perfect ear-splitfing but eppreciative Whistle followed by such jocular saluta tions ¢s: “Hi'ya, Doll!” or "Ve Va Voom!" 5. Demonstrate satisfactorily an ability to dongle cigorette from lower lip. 6. Flap lower lip. e = —— a La RE CS eS) ae ae SSE CSS 2 cre Lemont Td A G ae ee Dee) LOLCat aca acom Gun ea ae aay ae ~ me TV DEPT. neproa AND NOW, HERE IS HOST WALT DIZZY, WHO USUALLY INTRODUCES DIZZYLAND pilsaiaiaeianeeeness my free animated cartoon... | poe ‘Making anima | | Se Jf ies he S000 cele reece for my first Darnold Duck car- [corte ivaoaes mae I NS In this cabinee are the i cate models I made for my fea Quick! Lee's switch to Jimmy Dood in the Music Room! —Say, that's nor Jimmy Dood! Pardon me a moment folks, while I juse gee broom out of this broom closee and sweep up abic... OOPS! WRONG DIZZYLAND conninueo ADVENTURESLAND...the wonder place REAL-LIVE ADVENTURES CAMERAMAN WAITS YEAR FOR SHOT OF RARE BIRD cS = (076000 28, Dizyland Real-ive SPRING THAW comes, and one yeor THEN, es Fuzewor disappears agin, Adventures oce cameraman parches ond walls. Summer wanes, Aufurin pases. Final, after twenly month Ozgood flings himself seaming fon mountain ledge, owats rore leaves begin to fall, ond Winter vigil, Furswor! mokes oppeorance. from ledge, realizing tho chance ‘ppecrance of the never-befoe- snows bagin, but still no Fuxrwor. Jubilant Oxgood tokes history mok- _of-a-fetime shot is ruined, Dated hotographed Rag NeckedFuzzwot. Determined Oxgood clings fo perch, ing chance-f-ifetime set film in comera had expired TOMORROWSLAND..a Broken Promise FANTASTIC LOOK INTO FUTURE EXAMINES PROBLEMS OF MAN IN OUTER SPACE EA %, 7 = :f ex ( tt TOWORROWSLAND FEATURE sophie dps DIZTYANDARTISS work ovens in oxpetnes:IZTYLAND ARTISTS wee ole to crete comin mn vc problem ye fo be salve before man fal veuumstaled sui, occ els on- ing, eos cnimced sequences shoving how

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