Powtorwo’s Raixnow
‘This could never happen today, so you! have wa believe mewhen
{relyou thar made all the way ino sch grade before a bunch
fof people whom I did not knows who weren't my fai and
wees he government, ued to deprive me of omething relly
wasted for my own good, Up antl hat ine, ny parents ad
routinely deprived meat tinge wanted, but they always deprived
‘mefor taro goo, noe mine (No, you cant go ot, Ti 00
tied to wony abot what yout doing while you out chet),
and this tactic was annoying enough. For yeas abut 10
yf bohemian ascii, Now lsupec they wee shrewd
than though, bea Fay since my patents were alway re
‘concerned with my shoughflnes than with ny goodness 1 gfo
up all sured char I ould decide what was good for me—and
mare gevie—if ould ge sway with
So was shocked by my fire encounter with comuniar-
lancightcousness—all che more shocked beau, that pointin
thelfe of out Fan, hing were realy ooking up. We had just
‘raped airconditioned cusody in his ly-whie,cooki-cuter
suburb of North Dalla and moved ro Santa Monica, ta house
FigheunderthePalades,beoween the Paci Cons Highway and
thebeach The house wa che quintessence ofcoolness.Therewat
a big deck onthe second floor where we could stand gaze off
acs the Pacific toward China. There wat a white brick wall
around the house, low in fone and high in hack, covered with
houguiavillen. There were yeangea bushes and handy hibiscus
in tx fre yard, honeysuckle long the sidewall wer small
yard ran a mimosa te ia the fron and wie inthe Back —
zac ees of the wall and the bre off he ocea, we ould
crank the windows open ad lt the house Sill up with colored
Tigh, cool aig, and she snl of flowers
Died end gone wo heaven. That the only way to describe
fer eeepy,prisy Dallas, the etalon of tensry and saci
infosration was overwhelming that would in bed at igh
inche sweet darkness listening wo the tucks ramblingonthe reat
and the murmur of che suron the sand, ad ical gig! There
va jus so much, andi wae allo ool | had black fends a
‘choo ike my dad jna buddies | goo be the only ge in
this kooky B'nai Brith Boy Scour troop down in Vence (Re-
formed). Whenever I wanted, I couk just walkout the gas font
oor with my dog, Darwin the Beagle, and log through the sand
tlown w the ocsn. Or we could wre Ife and sll down co the
Santa Monica Pier where ther wat + dat poo all wth sure
‘iminals in esidence. Or we eould wander aac dhe pier co
Muscle Beach where multides of sem-naked women ned to
pet Herr Daria
About one a month on Sunday aernoon, we would pile
inthe ca and 00 down 49 Hermosa of Redondo tient jae
rusian every Satu morting my brother and sine and
would climb the concrete seis up the Plas or crab up,
ommando ye through the ice plat) and mabe our vay over
to the Coerion forthe Kiddie Catoon Caria These w: would
sicfor dhe hour, happy as clams, comming with Donald
Duck, Bugs Bunn, the Road Runes, and Tom and Jey just
Fucking blowa aways and this ic trmed outs what tle tree
Indies wanced to lk to us about. They showed up a Santa
Monics Elernenary abot four month ater we gc thereand set
up shop inte lnch oom, There was a crackly announcement
fon the speak i home room tha ti if we wanted tora 0
ther, we would be excused fom lst do tS, nesurcomen,
cvenbody id
‘When my ime came, I was marched down the hall othe
lunch room aed ushered oases cos rom thi ay wearing
Bue auieand pears, jurlike June Clever. She hada hee tng
binder anda bunch of papers onthe able in fone of her, and,
snc the able waski-sized, she oka eal bigIomingichindie lice Chale Ray Ids: When Twat seared she looked up with
abigsmile, called me Davy and asked me liked animated cat
toons Iknew then {had made a ecrible mistake, Bat what ould
1 dt Isai ys, liked cartoons alos—and that my name was
Daw She iled agin, not menninge thi time, and pereered
‘Aad what about Donald Duck? she aked. Di | hike Donald
Disk Yes, I ked Donald Duck, Il ber alchough I wield
!nyopinion shar te Duck waste only Disney caracter who had
ny soul any edge, that he was sor ofthe Diy Gillespie of
Diney characters Tiss not the sort ofimsight one shard wich
Jone Cleeve
Well then, she sid, what did I think abour Donal’ rela:
Loahip wich his nephews, Huey, Dewey and Louie? Did it
boerme thachesreared ac them alle? Di hi fighsen
sme Didi, pechaps semind ee of. sy mom or dad? She
Tookedatane solemn expecta [waned to el her cat fist,
Donald Duck wat 2 carom. Second, he wat a0 asta, duck,
and nally, he war only abou isl. Bu I couldn T could
telfiom the penetration of her gae char she wasnt really ine
escd in ducks, an ley fae ging ho. My inquistr smiled
fain, wiumphandy, aking chi blush sa ell-al igo of gull
snheh twasnt Illex downed American pilin the clutches
Fhe Geseapo, deterenined to protect dhe secret of hie edo.
(Clea, his lady wanted to now eff ou my parent,
and since, i ally peepination dough five water an thie
tex grammar school had never met anyother ada who were
ven remotely like my mom and dad, Iwas dedicated co con
‘eaing thes eccerscny, Because i ad its pehs I had seen
encugh oy fiend homelivesto know this. According to shee
prt, my parents et me ran wild. go to do thing ha ny
ir never could, because my parents were weird. But they
were ne lke Donald Duck! My dd was cool and poeio—like
‘me {though (wrongly. And my mom was noc coo tall She
‘eserios,high-strung, and Frey ion, ike Joan Crawford,
sway busing around: psig psinsngsin she back bol
toom and eading books wile she cooked dane sts
secasional papeackafae)—alvay ating up lee fa
sean eng ee aout Mayard Reyes Kae Mare
when she gave me my allowance, (Kye and Mars sold
vote ued he ples bern whith ny mom sy Bk
cra ona daily ay hoy, i or ean hat wee cays
apparent. Ths made things cxching, sine you nove hace
if you wee dealing wih the skyalking entree othe
tarde revlutanay My dad was mot ell nthe ee
fc thory. He thought stoney war something Jou arsed
inom, and hai ely, wes Smething yu ned
ino mony Ieaely worked ot tht wa, buyin ths lee we
weot en mind)
“Any tha was my fl: Donald and Diy dhe wer
bc ihe were hey Ward and Janes was eared ond cv,
sous my peda an out cl. Idd ow gue howto
‘oponds and thes, nail Idd told he tah Don
‘kai, a or he my somo dal, He wa i ny og
Down the Beagle, cxcabe bt loa Like, wheners pops
would wal yin ont fou: he, Darin woul ele
‘suningand Boyingand bouncing log hind the ka
snl hey wenpastan sinc the each silent of oot
Suse nats well pared henge, Darwin wasn bases
fh. Bat when you yl ath fo op, hem oped an
tolled over ou, ing his ead and ing you tha oak
you ado ge hin bighug
The gin ly looked te, but nt she way Darin
Ste didnt move heather ke star and dd She
{inc wie anything down. She jst lke, and new Twat
Fel because al given eat aswe knew isc
ir thin grammar schol Thncx how fo delet poe
sonal precoctus answer how ob thse extended oi
tyrpoinc analogies char booed your sae on the et ey geyourhen you cameso anew school But June Clever wast buy
fg, She ered over apiece ofpaper andasked me bout the Road
anae artoons. Did Tike heme Yes 1 did. Did Tien with
the Road Runes or the Coyote gin, T wanted ol her that
Tdi dew with cartoons. They were just cartoons. Buin
teuthLsmpathined with decoys, s0T ad “Wile E, Coy”
"Wrong! Clay, ntong agin, om the look on her Fe, bat
Twaseommited and I wanted wn, 01 presi on ident=
“fied vith the coyote, std (Uke pits), beause he was
‘wae sending of inthe ral Fr svlf om Acs chat did
work lke when [sent of for that Lone Range Badge and Sete
De-nde, and when care, cwas ust his dumb piece of a
‘bute. Agin Ieodeed shi very ave preocous id answer:
Soran, thing Shedd wrt snyting down ar couldnt
bref T wa loning aque on cartoons! So wihdtew ita
fallen hostility. Tis was my standard respoase to intransigent
‘Hluls. My il bother, on the other hand, being aie broths,
invadably med silky sycophan, 0 Thave no doubs shat afew
Toure later he was siting there wing way a Jane Cleave, sy
ing es our hone was prisy mach Satan aulton
Fld my arts ened stucco my lower ip June turned the
payeand asked me if liked Tom and Jy. A esty nod tom ie
tle Davey. And wa eer, peskaps finned by she violence! he
‘kel emphatic. A momen ofthougheand the. withan edge
Fier seam that woul have impressed even xy mom sid
“Oh yeah im alway trifle.” nd she wero shi down Ts,
iscoveredvieuc’s invulnerability to contstal irony. And T
oust ake it bac! For years I would replay this cee i my
Fea, wishing tha Thad said something moe sophisticated, Ike
(Chae Rains in Cntlonc:"Tam shocked shook!” Something
Tike tha, but did, dare. Thad never fee quite so betaye
bythe adule wodd unl six month later when the “esl of
this dy” hic the news aationwide
Even Dave Gartowy elke about ion The Tdey Shoe and
he wa shocked ced Chien ere being esd yc
‘oon! We tembled at Doalé Duck inthe oe ofa abi pus
Weed the Ro Rune aan lpr off A ek
‘fal we were tei sad ince ovens te spp
Sama we ice in Be Ans fi ad fo Ae
‘maybe so, Maybe ome desc sd hs sa ut aking
Istebna ne fen en seed
shu vewe noi eri ond intent oso
‘mut ming der They ee wa otcrtone oc
theanens ey wane. Rsk goo, belie Atay,
‘recente poe thence hey dl ecco
ur connie opens aeemr of A epbe
1 Shedd bx ou no We te ah rd we
aged our on gods am being ped cond
het llyou that tt capcenc ftps
‘matic and desolating to me than any :
ay mpeentten | heer
‘contr Alf the uote ai py isd
in Cllomia isle in that omment Benes sit
thei presumption dat we cnuatcniagashepenentone
fom aly wend mie npmaetatons ob eee
paren ake ook Whe men a ne
‘here wespoke Webel gnperon aera operate
{es andrea sngenchnew hattooranes
‘aria vm mower tect woud beone ny oad
prbay ie Thar, he se muh begun
‘ern overblown mone ed got ony hee pa
‘back, we laughed. tt
Teves ci waste Which
: thi ply wy ea
th ini absed, snd betel hen ts Noes
ene the dao oft een wither ee
cfc of al managed so umbl pr son scp
‘rept deca depute r
ub: wd hes and wal dc ioe
chee beeen that which we who wand hatch noocsc upresensed—aha the responses lcted by represenatons
te abeolaely contingent upon ther ats as representations —
nd upon our knowledge of he dfescnce
sepreenstion
‘What wedi nos grasp was just excl why he bling spc
ade o'lawe-mowerd eat cxploding pappie, lling ducks, and
plummeting avoter ras so important rus Today lear oa
thar yew up in a generation of children whose fst experience
of adl esponsibility invobed the cae of animale dogs, cats,
howsespaees—alo hom, we soon aed, wer bexthleiy
valmenble if we didn take cate. Even if we did take cre, we
learned, chose crestwes, whom we loved, nigh, na momen,
dese nt narclae sferngand debe gone free And
te could do nothing abou it. So the spectacle feline
te, indestrsctble anial-—of Donald Duckvening hi gi
‘nce and Tom surviving dhe lawn tmowes—pronded wa way of
SSmlemeowy acknowledging and alleviating this aie ince
allof ur laughter was premised on our new and tertile know
Edge tha the eeatures ive into ou cce dln the perp
‘had of lene suffering and extinction,
>
So what we wansed 1 sce pretend were chats immpens
ov armal, What we wanted tose, however, was cht wall of
vibra, moving colo 10 we could experience the momentary
redemoton ofits historia, ext-lingite, sensual embrace
thar istantancous ashing intimation of paris that con
Frmed our lve inthe moment, Which brings me, by rather
en awl aad
iris out, to the tae occasion for his eoay: a moment
few day ag, when Tooke around ny ving oom and relied
that, fr once, the rotting exon of art shat main there
was perfectly harmonious Ben the panting sting on the Root
leaning against the bookcase, worked The whele room bummed
with thiclegan blend of pal, tertiary complement and ic,
buy reds. Teva scoped the palete. Flipping open» lage
book on ny coffe rable | found i played on pe afc page
in che psnsings of Porm,
[ound this perfectly amazing, Since I never coatiusly
“urange” things, the accidental harmony spoke of some recon
ssious, developing logic in my ey, and Toved the idea ths afer
yrs oflving with color! would end up with Pontorme. Not
such ahad place tobe, shoughy, but spoke of more dan dat
‘since I ealzed in that moment cht I bah inden, spent «good
portion of my ile creating discovering or seeking oe jus such
‘olsarrated ztmosphetes—in my glowing, scented room i
the house below the Palisades, ia at galeries, aris sean,
‘muscu asinos, and eahedrals—ae the old Ceterion in Santer
Monica in the Bishop reidence t Wareburgandon the beach
in San Diego standing withthe water around ny kaces,pcing
through the sue spray at some extravagant orange and ted sn
set thar flashed back i he lay cs. Bven aI considered thi
anothesuchspecal, the Las Vga Sti, was blzingawy ight
‘outside my windows
Talready knew four thac the cnon of bing evished
by color was probably my principle dahl are wite sine color
fora writer iil asa abut of language than ue for
it But it was adsl tha aed most ofthe writers Toned
so took comiort in itand inthe thought of Faber in Nor
Alc, of Djuna Barnes inthe salons of Bilin, of Fieger in
Sc Tioper, DeQuincey nis opi dca, Seah ia lence
Ruskin and Henry James in Veni and evn hots Jerson,
my old companion in selFiedulgenee, who was physical dis,
comibobulaed by che ardent Veriles. In my own if, could
Pinpoint the moment I came int this knowledge, When twas
‘ery young, my grandparens hada ile lowe sh in south Fort
‘Worth, the centerpiece of which was large walkin refigeator
far sorng fies lowers. Te efigerator had gas window and
doocs. Theis time stepped ins ile ee dor behind ne,ndsod these amid al hat clo, coolness and scent withthe
Tigh reaming in was ke Docethy transported Ox knew
‘hy hated Texas, and this was something important to know:
Se, liked hanging around the loser shop and ing nthe
delivery tuck with ny gramps as be made ce ounds of hos
tals an funeral hones. ike the way sik people always smiled
tele flowers, and Leven liked sting up the sprays of flowers,
‘round the cline with dead people in dhem—whicn is probably
‘thy fl ike Thad died and gone to heaven when we moved
(Caloris, Becaase there, a he lower shop, asin those Satunday-
rmoming cartoons, color aways occured a league with and in
‘Opposition wsullexng, negation, and dea, Army end Jeremy
ibe Role as argu persuasively cher am element of pos
ivy in the visible world, and in colo parcel shat voually
clades the bisroriciy of language, wit x protocols of esence
nda The colored, aan abut of the word savas
there is somelng other than the absence of yellow and blue
and that, when that ed becomes es ed ie
‘rhe othe, eneer exis in inguisic condition of degrada-
tion o exes thar must neces derive from our expectations
The branch upon which the blossom hangs may be long or
short, rough ar smooth, song o¢ weak according co our expec
tatins, bat the cednes ofthe blosom is ievocable, and he
sword "ed tels us nen co nothing about. There re dhousands
(Feo in the wot and only few hundred words o deserve
them, and thee include siitades like teal and peach and
turquoise, So, he nats we pom colors ae hay more than
peer names, ike Sith ot Ror
ing diverse Familie of living experience. Thus, whea color sig
nies anything, ialwayssigaes, ar wll respite roan language
And hissoy—poidon from which we may contemplate absence
fl death inthe pare ofthe moments we kids in Sana
Monica oatenplated she deh of puppies in theembrac af ear~
toca inbows
Motcoves, when at abandons clon, asi did in the nine
tsen seventies ican ony recede into che domain of ebjection—
into the provoets of language, hittory, and eprescnation The
consequence of hit (hich I aed a the hands of Jane
leave is that all iacuson of ee under uch mer
es begins st
* position of linguistic egrets hat endes invisible the cmp
Aialogue between what we wane to sean what we Wan to See
reproented. Ina oe vid word he question [woud have
been sed at 2 child was nor "Do you ike nimated canons
but "Do you prefer animated cartoons in color or in bladk-and-
White” [now what my answer would have ben, but #1 had
been asked, would have had a running tart would havebepun
wondering, ight then, why [liked cartoons in enor and-would
have known, lng before now, why Idi Instead moped sound
[cling bexayed by unction, punishing aye for not coming up
with something as colar Claude Rains in response to Fase
nil hacked, kod