Anthony Humetewa

Reflective Essay for Traditional Revision

The document that I have chosen to revise is the MWA 1. MWA 1 is the rhetorical
analysis that we have done over an ad relevant to our major in college. When turned in, my
original MWA 1 contained comments that suggested the changes that I should construct to make
my writing much more effective. This is important because it provides us the steps we need to
improve our writing style to fit the audiences interests. The audience would be uninterested if
our writing was constructed poorly. It also teaches us to accept criticism in a positive way.
The original document had paragraphs that werent indented. That issue was quickly
fixed by indenting the paragraphs to make the piece easier to read. From the start of the
introduction to the end of the paper, it was written as if I was writing to my instructor. The
sentences were reworded to make sure that the audience that was being addressed was actually
students belonging in the same major as I am. For example: As students, we are given the task
to write a rhetorical analysis for an ad that shows an academic program for the major
and/or career we are interested in changed to I found an ad for an academic program
to analyze rhetorically for the major and/or future I am interested in This ad is useful
for students because it suggests the possibilities that students can pursue in their future
with a degree in Computer Science. became This ad is useful for students because it
suggests the possibilities that we can pursue in our future with a degree in Computer
Science.
In the original document, the short explanation of ethos/logos/pathos wasnt addressed. In
the revised document, the explanation is added as a paragraph before the explanation of ethos in
the ad. Also, in the explanation of pathos, there was a grammatical error in which university all

by itself was capitalized as if it was a proper noun. It can be capitalized only if it is included in
the name of an educational institute, such as University of New Mexico.
The beginning sentences of the conclusion needed to be clarified. They were reported to
be choppy sounding. They were fixed to not sound awkward when read so that way the ideas
flow logically. For example: I conclude this analysis with agreeing with the points that were
included in the ad. I was drawn to it because of what I am interested in. I am sure that
other students were appealed to it because they like technology as much as I do. changed to
I conclude this analysis by agreeing with the points that were stated in the ad. I was drawn
to it because it effectively illustrated how I can apply myself to a future in technology. I am
sure that other students are appealed to it because they like technology as much as I do.
To conclude the revised components of the MWA 1, the changes were enough to make
my writing easier to read and make the points I made stronger. The indenting and the
university situation were the only major grammatical errors throughout the entire assignment.
The remainder of the issues were fixed so that way my writing fit the prompt more. As
mentioned before, this learning experiences enables us to look back in our writing and make it
better not only for us, but for everyone taking an interest in reading our pieces.