Developmentally

Appropriate
Positive Discipline
Strategies for
Preschoolers
Wanda Bruce, Ed.S., Special Ed., M.S. Early Childhood Ed.

Positive Discipline
Guidance and discipline* of children is an on-going process that
embraces everything you do with children. (*Discipline comes from the
word disciple, meaning to teach.)

Learning self-control and how to get along with others is part of

growing up.
There is no one way to discipline. An approach that is successful
in one situation may not work in another. Also, different children
respond in different ways to disciplining methods.
There is a need for a variety of approaches to deal with
behavioral problems.
An understanding of child development and guidance techniques
provide the basis for effective discipline.

Childhood Development Ages and Stages

An understanding of child development can help a parent
understand their childs needs at various ages.

Erik Eriksons Stages of Development*

Infancy (birth-18 months) - Trust vs. Mistrust

Children develop a sense of trust when caregivers provide reliability, care, and
affection. A lack of reliability, care, and affection will lead to mistrust. When
crying, are the childs needs met in timely fashion?

Early Childhood (2-3 years) Autonomy vs. Shame and Doubt

Children need to develop a sense of personal control over physical skills and a
sense of independence. Success leads to feelings of autonomy, failure results in
feelings of shame and doubt. Toilet-training is the primary developmental event of
this stage.

Preschool (3-5 years) - Initiative vs. Guilt

Children need to begin to assert control and power over the

environment. Success in this stage leads to a sense of purpose. Children
who try to exert too much power experience disapproval, resulting in a
sense of guilt.
*

There are 8 stages in Eriksons Stages of Development. We are looking at the early
years in this training. See Handout for more information on other ages/stages.

Developmental Milestones
An understanding of developmental milestones can help to provide age appropriate
expectations for your child at various ages. The Centers for Disease Control and
Prevention (CDC) have Developmental Milestone checklists for ages 2 months-5 years.
http://www.cdc.gov/NCBDDD/actearly/milestones/index.html

The Importance of Sleep

Children need sleep to recharge their batteries.
In his book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, Marc Weissbluth, MD,
provides insight on the functions of sleep:
"Sleep is the power source that keeps your mind alert and calm. Every night
and at every nap, sleep recharges the brain's battery. Sleeping well
increases brainpower just as weight lifting builds stronger muscles, because
sleeping well increases your attention span and allows you to be physically
relaxed and mentally alert at the same time. Then you are at your personal
best.

Shorter sleep duration is associated with more behavioral problems in

children.
Guidelines for sleep:
1-3 years olds need
13-14 hours/day
3-6 years olds need
10.5-12 hours/day
7-12 year olds need
10-11 hours/day
13-18 year olds need 8.5 -9.5 hours/day

Five Facts Every Family Should Know

1.
2.

3.

4.

5.

All behavior is a form of communication

There is always a reason for problem behavior

Seeking attention or something he/she wants

Escaping demands or activities
Gaining sensory pleasure

Hungry, tired, hurt, scared, bored, sad, angry, etc.

Sensory enjoy the physical sensation of pushing/pulling
Feeling out of control and taking inappropriate action over what they do control

Children need the consistency of reliable and loving adults to help the child learn how to
handle growing up in a world where conflict is a fact of life
It is important to find meaning in childrens behavior

There can be many reasons behind one specific behavior

Adults can learn to understand and interpret children's challenging behavior

Children's challenging behavior can be reduced with support, not punishment.

When children feel respected and have their needs met they have less need for using
challenging behavior to communicate.
When adults help children find positive ways to communicate their needs to others, children
learn important social and problem-solving skills that will help them throughout their life.

Guidance and Discipline Techniques

Set up a safe environment

Childproof your home for anything that might be dangerous to children or

that they might break easily
Take a close look at your toys to make sure they are age appropriate and,
especially when playing alone, ones that require less supervision
Provide a variety of toys or materials to play with. Have enough paper to
draw on, materials to sort, trade, share.
A safe place to play and appropriate toys to play with can save you from
saying No often and make your day easier.

Establish a predictable routine

Young children need a CONSISTENT routine and schedule. It helps them

feel safer
Establish consistent time for eating, napping, and playing. It helps children
learn how to pace themselves
Balance active and quiet time and group time with time to be alone
Taking care of basic needs (hunger, rest, attention) can help prevent a
situation with a cranky and whiny child.

Guidance and Discipline Techniques

Set a good example
Young children love to imitate adults.
If you want your child to treat others kindly or have good eating
habits, be sure to demonstrate how to do it
Talk about what you do and explain things in simple terms

Use Praise
Effective praise encourages learning, independence, and
strong self-esteem in children.
Be more of a coach than a cheerleader
A coach uses specific praise to teach and instill self-worth
Ex.: This painting really glows with color. You used blue, green, red,
yellow, and orange. Tell me how you did this! (rather than Good job!)

Guidance and Discipline Techniques

Remove or Isolate/Time out

Remove or Isolate a child when the child is in danger to keep him safe
Time out is a cooling off period

Used to help child regain control

No more than 1 minute/age of child
Take time to explain what happened, what they should not be doing, and what they
can do instead Keep it simple!
If possible, provide opportunity to practice correct behavior

Natural and Logical Consequences

Helps the child see the connection between their actions and the
results of their behavior
Examples of natural or logical consequences

Consequence of refusing to eat is hunger

Consequence of dropping cookie in bathtub is it will get soggy.
Child throws muffin across the kitchen. The parent picks up the muffin and calmly
puts it in the trash. The child goes without a snack.
Child refuses to clean up after a preferred activity such as puzzles. The parent
decides to give the puzzles a vacation and puts the puzzles away in the storage
closet for a day and comments When you can show me you are willing to clean up,
Ill bring the puzzles back out.

Guidance and Discipline Techniques

Active Listening

Sometimes preschoolers do not need an adult to intervene; rather someone

who will listen and help them work through a problem. Young children have
limited problem-solving skills and need help to develop these skills
With active listening, the adult does not try to end the conversation; instead
encourages it. With time and support, the child is able to explore the
situation, understand the problem, and sometimes offer a solution.
Example:
Child: John wont let me ride in the wagon!
Caregiver: Sounds like you are upset about that.
Child: Yeah, hes mean!
Caregiver: Hmm
Child: I had the wagon first!
Caregiver:You were playing with it before John was?
Child: Yeah, then he took it away.
Caregiver: Hmm. Wonder why?
Child: I dont know. I guess he got mad because I wouldnt let him play.
Caregiver:Wonder how both of you could play with the wagon?
Child: Maybe John could ride and I could pull!

Guidance and Discipline Techniques

Distract

When a child is doing something unacceptable, try to call attention to another activity
playing with another toy or reading a book together
A frustrated or cranky child can often be distracted with a song or finger play
Since young childrens attention spans are short, distraction is often effective.

Redirect

Sometimes the problem is not what the child is doing as much as how he/she is doing it.
If a child is drawing on a book, take the book away and say Books are not for drawing
on. At the same time, substitute an appropriate material saying If you want to draw on
something, draw on this paper. Or if the child is throwing blocks, remove the blocks and
provide a ball for the child to throw.

Ignore

Behavior that is not harmful to the child or others can be ignored. The goal is to
have the child stop the undesirable behavior by not paying attention to it. Without
the attention, the child eventually quits whatever he/she was doing.
This works best with behaviors that are attention-seeking
Like gasoline to a flame, attention-seeking behaviors that do not get the attention
being sought tend to extinguish themselves

Catch them being good!

This is especially important following active ignoring of behavior

Guidance and Discipline Techniques

Rewards

It is more effective to reward good behavior than correct bad behavior

A reward or positive reinforcement refers to positive ways adults can respond
when children behave in desirable ways. Positively rewarded behavior is usually
repeated.
Rewarding a child for good behavior at the right time is very important. The
reward needs to be provided as close to the desirable behavior as is possible.
There are two types of rewards: Social and Material
Social rewards include:
Smiling, praising, patting, hugging, listening, high five, time with parent
Makes the child feels special and encourages good behavior

Material rewards include:

Candy/food, toys, stickers, money, special activity

Drawbacks: Child can become too accustomed to material rewards and may refuse to
behave properly without them.
May end up placing more significance on the reward itself rather than on the behavior or
consequence of the behavior.

Guidance and Discipline Techniques

When all else fails The Problem-solving Approach
When nothing seems to be working, try the who, what, when, where,
and how method
Ask yourself:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.

When does the behavior seem to happen?

What happens just before and after?
Where does it happen and with whom?
How do I usually respond?
How could I prevent the behavior?
What other approaches could I use?

Take time to sit down and think about the problem. It can help you
find a more successful way to handle the problem behaviors.
*

Tips for Handling Challenging Behaviors

1.

Keep your expectations realistic

2.

Youve ordered food in a restaurant and it is taking a long time, ask for colors and
coloring book or take your child for a short walk

Plan ahead

3.

Hope for the best but plan for the worst. Always have a back-up plan.

You are on your way to your parents house for dinner and you get caught in traffic;
meanwhile, your child is crying from hunger. Have a snack available.

Clearly state your expectations in advance

4.

When you expect too much or too little from your child it can lead to
frustration for both of you.

Use when transitioning, especially from a preferred activity to a non-preferred

activity

Your child is playing with her cousin and the room is a mess. Tell her We have to go in
a few minutes. You need to finish up what you are doing and start cleaning up. In
about 5 minutes come back and say. Its time to go. If she has not started cleaning up
yet, say I will help you put the dolls away

Offer limited reasonable choices

When you sense a battle of wills is coming on offer a choice

Zachary, the car wont start until you are buckled in. Do you want to climb up in there

yourself or do you want Daddy to put you in?

Tips for Handling Challenging Behaviors

5.

Use Whenthen statements

A simple statement that tells your child what he/she must do in order to do what
they want to do. Be sure you:
1. Give it a positive focus
2. State it only once
3. Set a reasonable time limit
4. Follow through

6.
7.

8.

Ex: When you put on your shoes, (then) you may go outside.
When you clean up, (then) you may have a snack.

Catch your child being good

Instead of focusing on the bad (ignore when possible), make concerted efforts to
acknowledge the good behavior you see. Its like money in the bank!

Stay Calm

When a reaction is required, remember the least response necessary is usually best
The more out of control your child becomes, the more self-control you need to show.
When you remain calm, you are modeling desired behavior and helping your child learn
appropriate ways to respond to difficult situations.

Use neutral time

Talk about challenging behavior either before or after the behavior occurs when
everyone is calm enough to think, talk, and listen

In Conclusion: All I Really Need to Know

I learned in Kindergarten/(Preschool)
(by Robert Fulghum)

All I really need to know about how to live and what to do and how to be I
learned in kindergarten. Wisdom was not at the top of the graduate school
mountain, but there in the sand pile at school. These are the things I learned:

Share everything.
Play fair.
Don't hit people.
Put things back where you found them.
Clean up your own mess.
Don't take things that aren't yours.
Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.
Wash your hands before you eat.
Flush.
Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.
Live a balanced life - learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing
and dance and play and work every day some.
Take a nap every afternoon.
Everything you need to know is in there somewhere. The Golden Rule and love
and basic sanitation. Ecology and politics and equality and sane living

All I Really Need to Know I learned in

Kindergarten
Take any one of those items and extrapolate it into
sophisticated adult terms and apply it to your family life
or your work or government or your world and it holds true
and clear and firm. Think what a better world it would be
if we all - the whole world - had cookies and milk at about
3 o'clock in the afternoon and then lay down with our
blankies for a nap. Or if all governments had as a basic
policy to always put things back where they found them
and to clean up their own mess.
And it is still true, no matter how old you are, when you go
out in the world, it is best to hold hands and stick
together.
Source: ALL I REALLY NEED TO KNOW I LEARNED IN KINDERGARTEN" by Robert Fulghum

References
Centers for Disease Control Developmental Milestones charts, http://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/actearly/milestones/index.html

Council for Exceptional Children (CEC) , Division of Learning Disabilities (DLD). Eight Practical Tips for Parents of Young
Children with Challenging Behaviors. Retrieved from:
http://www.education.com/reference/article/Ref_Behavior_Tips/
Erikson, Erik, Eriksons Psychosocial Stages Summary Chart, Eriksons Stages of Psychosocial Development. About.com/Psychology
Retrieved from http://psychology.about.com/library/bl_psychosocial_summary.htm
Fulghum, Robert, All I Really Need To Know I Learned in Kindergarten. New York: Villard Books, 1988.
Oesterreich, Lesia. Family Life Extension Specialist, Human Development & Family Studies, Iowa State University. Disciplining
Preschoolers, National Network for Child Care. Retrieved from http://www.nncc.org/Guidance/disc.presch.html
Astill RG, Van der Heijden KB, Van Ijzendoorn MH, Van Someren EJ Psychological Bulletin. 2012 Nov;138(6):1109-38. doi:
10.1037/a0028204. Epub 2012 Apr 30. Sleep, cognition, and behavioral problems in school-age children: a century of
research meta-analyzed.
PBS Parents Inclusive Communities/Challenging Behaviors, Five Facts Every Family Should Know
http://www.pbs.org/parents/inclusivecommunities/challenging_behavior.html
.