Robert Renehan

p.d.2 3/15/2015

The Great Golden God

One night while I sat by my TV almost lifeless I heard the words of truth and they inspired me.
I saw what was at first any other stupid commercial for some random kind of Lincoln car that
had absolutely no impact on my life, but I soon realized this commercial would change my life
forever.

I saw Matthew McConaughey in the Lincoln. Instantly my heart started to race. Before I saw
this commercial I knew this man was great. Yes to most, this man is simply another actor. He is
often labeled as arrogant and narcissistic but I always knew this wasnt the case. I knew in my
heart this man was arguably the greatest man who ever lived and he was destined for
greatness. Then he looked into the camera and smoothly spoke the truth. The truth only a God
could create. Ive been driving a Lincoln since, long before anyone paid me to drive one...I just
like the way it feels. The truth struck me like a bolt of lightning. I was one step closer to
enlightenment. But then by what had to be divine intervention, a second Lincoln commercial
played. Then this great man spoke once again, if you can even call him a man. I was quickly
starting to realize Matthew McConaughey was more than just a man. Sorry im losing myself in
his infinite glory. McConaughey speaks this time preaching more of the truth Sometimes you
need to go back, to go forward...I know there are those who say you cant go back. Yes you can.
You just have to look in the right place. After this my third eye opened, and because of this I
saw the truth for what it was. Everything became clear to me.

Let me tell you what I saw in the truth. I know this might seem crazy to most if not
outright insane, but this is the truth. Sometimes the truth hurts. Here is your chance to listen and
willingly accept before youll be forced into submission.

Matthew McConaughey is no mere mortal. He is the true God. The one and only God.
Once my third eye opened I became one with the universe. I could hear our Gods thoughts and
feelings. He told me that he is indeed our God. He also demanded that we refer to him as the
Great Golden God. Any lesser title simply would not befit his holiness. We spoke for a while.
Thought to thought. Then he told me what needs to be done for all of humanitys salvation. Ill
share with you this revelation.

Look before I start if you thought that was the seemingly crazy part its not. What you are
about to hear seems crazy and downright wrong. But its not. The Great Golden God knows
what is best for his children. What might seem wrong to humans is right according to our great
loving God. His ways are far above our own. Where we may see darkness he sees light.

Firstly our Great Golden God demands that we love him and only him. We must follow
every demand he makes without question. Our devotion will be rewarded. Those who arent
devoted will be severely punished. Our God Matthew McConaughey demands that we spread
his words of truth. Those seemingly unimportant Lincoln commercials werent just commercials,
they were small portions of the truth. Through his messages in those commercials humans will
discover the truth and earn eternal salvation. Our God demands that on every media outlet we
play his messages of truth twenty four hours a day, seven days a week until the end of days.
These messages must be on every TV station, every web page, social media, radio station, and
any other media outlet that our great god will bless us with.

Next our God demands that we have a portion of our population become spiritual
advisors. These spiritual advisors will be placed in every household to monitor every family to
make sure our God gets the praise and respect he deserves. Spiritual advisors will also make
sure that every family watches the minimum amount of our Gods message videos. Every family
will be required to watch three hours of these commercials in the morning when they awake,
and three hours before they go to bed.

Our God also demands that we erect monuments, and statues of him in his own image.
These statues will be seen in every town and city throughout the world. Spiritual Advisors will
require everyone to pray to their respective statue a minimum of at least one hour a day. He
also requires us to have an image of him on every wall and street corner. This way no matter
where we go we will see his perfect image. We will also be reminded of his unending love for us
through these images.

Our Great Golden God is a perfect god. He loves us very much, so imagine his pain and
sorrow when we disobey him after all hes done for us. Everytime he is hurt by you he proclaims
that he will hurt you ten thousand times as much as youve hurt him. Another small portion of
our population will be selected by our great God to become the enforcers of God. The spiritual
advisors will report any and every misconduct to them. Soon after the enforcers will purge this
world of those ungrateful sinners. Those sinners will be executed by chinese firing squad on the
spot without question. Why Chinese firing squad you might be asking? Because our Great
Golden God said so! Thats why! Questions like that will surely guarantee a nice meeting with
you and the Chinese firing squad. As I was saying. Anyone who disobeys any of our gods
demands will be executed on the spot regardless of age, gender, disability, or what have you.

Our Great Golden God makes these demands of us because he loves us. He is also
confident in our ability to follow such demands. Soon we will all be devoted followers of Matthew
McConaughey. As I said earlier, this is your chance to willingly follow before its too late. Soon
the truth will be echoed throughout the world. His beautiful perfect voice saying I just like the
way it feels.