Sydnee Rudolph

5/6/15
M/W: 3-5pm

Fattertainment, Your Body, and Your Wallet

It is no secret that America is getting larger. No, we are no longer expanding our
horizons, our knowledge, or our occupation of the land; we are expanding our waistbands.

om
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ete
nd [ZD
1]: Wow, nice job here! Very witty.

Obesity is rapidly taking hold of Americas population as the popularity of processed foods
grows and physically demanding jobs become scarcer. While the numbers on our scales grow,
society is also pushing to accept this as the new norm rather than recognizing its affects.
Hollywood and the accompanying social media continue to promote what they call body

oCm
ete
nd [ZD
2]: Im wondering if youre taking a bit too long to
cut to the heart of your argument

acceptance by promoting these incredibly unhealthy bodies as beautiful and normal. In

some ways, yes, it is true that all types of bodies are naturally attractive in their own way. That
being said, those participating in such discussions fail to recognize the difference between a

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ete
nd [ZD
3]: I like the way you stated this.

bigger body build and an unhealthily overweight body. Obesity has become such a
hypersensitive topic within modern society that we fail to discuss medical consequences and
economic burdens it has inflicted on our current generation. Sunil J. Wimalawansa
(Wimalawansa), a graduate of Robert Wood Johnson Medical School, examines the subject
under a scientific microscope in Visceral Adiposity and Cardiometabolic Risks: Epidemic of
Abdominal Obesity in North America (Obesity in North America). Complimenting the medical

oCm
ete
nd [ZD
4]: What kind of science? (Lots of disciplines within
science)

facts Wimalawansa introduces is the publication The Increasing Weight of Regulation:

Countries Combat the Global Obesity Epidemic (Weight Regulation), written by Allyn L.
Taylor, Emily Whelan Parento and Laura A. Schmidt (Taylor, Parento, and Schmidt) who
analyze the economic perspective. And finally, to amplify the unreasonable subject sensitivity

oCm
ete
nd [ZD
5]: You can just state the last names (once). This
intro is pretty long, so I think you might need to find a
few ways to chop it down a bit and quicken it up.

previously mentioned, the mainstream media perspective is examined in Fattertainment:

Obesity in the Media (Fattertainment) by Chelsea A. Heuer (Heuer).

America and Weight Regulation, is the reference to obesity as an epidemic. As a style

oCm
ete
nd [ZD
6]: Im not quite sure what youre arguing here.
Remember: your reader is most likely going to be
expecting a thesis statement at the end of your Intro (or
occasionally 2nd paragraph) that clearly detail what
point/argument/stance theyre taking and what
evidence theyre basing that on. Right now, I dont know
where youre taking me.

choice, the decision to use this term is an example of concrete language, (Lunsford, pg. 311) to

Youre analyzing these articles, OK but what about

them?

The first big move made by the authors of the scholarly articles, Obesity in North

aid an argument, as Lunsford explains in Style in Arguments. Wimalawansa utilizes this word
choice in the title of the piece, as well as the initial sentence of her intro where she states, The

oCm
ete
nd [ZD
7]: Worth defining/describing move early on so I
know what you mean?

needed.(Weight Regulation, pg. 17). The use of the word epidemic may seem insignificant,

oCm
ete
nd [ZD
8]: OK, this is a super-specific topic sentence, and Im
wondering if you might want to slow it down a bitso
are you saying something about a stylistic choice?
(Whats epidemic an example of? What part of what
youre trying to convince me of and/or argue?)

however it is an eye-grabbing word that draws the reader in and suggests that the author is about

om
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ete
nd [ZD
9]: Check your MLA citations. Google it.

current epidemic of obesity suggests that new nutritional and physical strategies are

to discuss a topic that could potentially affect mankind as a whole. Taylor, Parento and Schmidt
make this word stand out by also placing it into their title as shown before, The Increasing

om
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ete
nd [ZD
10]: Solid observation.

Weight of Regulation: Countries Combat the Global Obesity Epidemic. This move expands the

So it sounds to me like your topic sentence could be

something like so and so Use the word epidemic as a
stylistic, attention-grabbing move. Or something like
thatsomething that encompasses the rest of what you
write about it in the paragraph.

size of the audience these authors appeal to, allowing the general public to also include
themselves in these discussions. Heuer, as well, inserts the word epidemic into her mainstream
media article, but for a different purpose. It is not seen until the last paragraph of the first page of
her article, and is used as follows: blame for the obesity epidemic is placed squarely on the
shoulders of those who are obese. Here the word has less of an eye-catching function and serves
the purpose of aiding Heuers focus on the obese as victims. It holds less power here than the

om
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ete
nd [ZD
11]: Nice follow-up analysis

commanding position epidemic held in the previous papers. The three articles continue on to
split off into somewhat different directions; Wimalawansa initiating an academic discussion full
of medical jargon and data, Taylor, Parento and Schmidt shifting towards a discussion with the

oCm
ete
nd [ZD
12]: I think you want to put a colon or dash here, not
a semicolon. Semicolons separate two complete
sentences. Check this out:
http://writingcenter.unc.edu/handouts/semi-colonscolons-and-dashes/

informed public using easily-interpreted statistics and references to common economic policies,
and Heuer continuing to analyze the issue from a sympathetic point of view.
All three of these publications implement the use of statistics to back up their statements
and observations. In doing so, they are implementing the proposals of Birkenstein and Graff in
their So What? article that suggest the importance of evidence when identify[ing] an

oCm
ete
nd [ZD
13]: This comment is in reference to the whole
paragraph:
When I see thiseven before I start readingI think,
Ahhhhhhh! Attack of the page-long paragraph!
See if you like this metaphor:

interested person or group and link[ing] your argument to somematter that readers already
deem important, (Birkenstein & Graff, pg. 97). Heuer attempts to apply this practice in her text
when she asserts, [a] study found that 72 percent of news images portraying obese people were
stigmatizing,(Heuer, pg.1). The problem with this statistic, using the term lightly, is that there is
no citation of a definite source; it leaves the reader with the sense that it is merely an estimation
rather than raw data. The numbers may appeal to her audience, being the uninformed general
public, however they do not serve the purpose of statistical data in that they do not solidly
support her argument. Alternatively, the scholarly works achieve the purpose of statistical data
by citing their sources and providing raw data accompanied by analysis. Taylor, Parento and
Schmidt initially introduce statistics to discuss specific industrial contributions to obesity when
they write, consumption of sugar-sweetened beverages (SSBs) is a known risk factor for

Pretend your whole paper is a big, juicy steak. Do you

want your reader to enjoy that steak in easy-to-chew,
digestable bites? Or do you want them to start eating the
whole thing in one piece (think: zombie).
Paragraphs are like those bites. Give your reader your
argument in little, digestable, one-idea-at-a-time bits.
Readers need to be able to see the different
parts/pieces/bites of the argument that theyre chewing
on.
oCm
ete
nd [ZD
14]: Great. Statistics are a huge factor in
whether/how different writers persuade various
audiences.
oCm
ete
nd [ZD
15]: Remember: this paper/assignment needs to be
tailored to an academic audience, which means it needs
to be formal and scholarly. Make sure to get your
nerd-verbs in there. Look at isnt a very formal choice.
oCm
ete
nd [ZD
16]: Being is a very weak connector, IMO. Try to
choose a word that more accurately specifies the
relationship between these ideas.
oCm
ete
nd [ZD
17]: Statistical data is a purpose? Im not
understanding this, Syd.

obesitywhich creates a need for policies to discourage excessive consumption of these

products given that half of Americans consume some type of SSB daily and 25 percent consume
at least 200 calories daily from SSBs, (Taylor, Parento and Schmidt, pg. 6). This statistic is
subtle however its credibility lies at the bottom of the page where a list of cited sources resides.
Furthermore, it provides context for the reader as the authors continue to expand upon their

om
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ete
nd [ZD
18]: 2 things,

argument. Wimalawansa capitalizes on the use of statistical data in a more concrete manner than

1, What do you mean here? What context?

the two previously when she states, According to the Nurses Health Study data, the risk of

2, Context is huge, and you might want to consider

promoting this and making it a more central
component of your overall paper.

diabetes is 50- to 60-fold higher when BMI is greater than 35 kg/m.2 (Wimalawansa, pg. 18).
Here she includes both the source and the raw data, as well as sets the stage for her next
subsection of her argument discussing the significance of Body Mass Index (BMI). All of the
authors make the move of applying statistical data to support their claims, each in their own way
aiming to achieve their individual purposes within their genres.
Taking a look at the articles as a whole, each makes their purpose clear with their different
stylistic decisions, persuasive language, and specific rhetorical features. Wimalawansas article
can be classified as a research paper on the medical effects of obesity. This genre aligns with
the genre of all scholarly articles in that it contains an abstract, intro, body, conclusion and
citations in that order. Furthermore, the diction, including words like cardio-metabolic and
visceral fat, allows the argument to be tailored toward an informed and academic portion of the
community. The purpose of this article is to bring about awareness to its audience of the
detrimental effects obesity as a disease is having on the health of human kind. Partnering with
this article to magnify the economic side of this issue are Taylor, Parento and Schmidt. Their
piece is an analysis of the effects of obesity on the economy. This genre is also identified with
that of a scholarly article because it includes a table of contents, followed by an intro, and ended
with a conclusion. Heuers article is an entirely different structure as opposed to the other two,
being a Mainstream media analysis of the emotional effects of obesitys portrayal in the media.
Heuers style of writing utilizes control of its arguments connotation, [or] the associations that
surroundwords.(Lunsford, pg. 310) to pull at the heartstrings of the general public and to
invoke compassion towards those affected.
Non-academic pieces are able to accomplish one objective that scholarly texts often fail to
achieve, and that is that they easily appeal to the empathetic and humanistic sides of readers.

oCm
ete
nd [ZD
19]: I like this topic sentence a lotits very clear and
its giving me a preview of whats ahead.
But, Im wondering if this is misplaced within your paper.
The purpose of each of these pieces seems pretty huge
to meif thats established early on, then the more
specific things (like their use of the term epidemic)
might flow more naturally later on.
In other words, I think it would help to know the overall
purpose of this/these pieces before we start splicing
hairs about the connotations of a specific word that they
use.

They include certain words backed by their connotations to invoke a desired emotion in each
reader, and their lack of data and influx of visuals can often aid them in hooking the audience
and keeping their interest. That being said, scholarly texts also serve a critical purpose that nonacademic pieces do not; they inform the general public of information which one might not be
exposed to otherwise and provide data from various diverse studies so that readers have multiple
facets of information rather than just a single standpoint. Nonetheless, mainstream media shows
crippling sensitivity through the article Fattertainment to a topic that is concerning for future
generations and in turn fails to cover the facts. The scholarly pieces, both Obesity in North
America and Weight Regulation invoke the well-rounded discussion of the brutal effects
obesity is having on our current generation and will continue to have on generations to come.

WORKS CITED
Sunil J. Wimalawansa, Visceral Adiposity and Cardio Metabolic Risks: Epidemic of
Abdominal Obesity in North America, Dovepress, Research and reports in Endocrine Disorders,

oCm
ete
nd [ZD
20]: Youve mentioned data quite a bit here, which to
me, sounds like its a recurring thread of your paper.
Try to spot these recurring threads on your own b/c they
can give you clues as to what, exactly, youre trying to
argue. (So maybe you might want to bump it up into your
thesis.)

2013
Allyn L. Taylor, Emily W. Parento, Laura A. Schmidt, The Increasing Weight of
Regulation: Countries Combat the Global Obesity Epidemic, Georgetown University Law
Center, 2014
Chelsea A. Heuer, Fattertainment: Obesity in the Media
Lunsford, Everything is an Argument
Birkenstein & Graff, So What?