Text from my

initial WP
Submission:

An observation or
question I received:

WP1: For
people living in
the United
States, major
article
headlines
make daily
appearances.
Whether it is
an ad that
pops up online
or a paper
showcased at
a newsstand,
national news
articles are
very much
paid attention
to and for a
good reason

De Piero: This came

across as a bit fluffy
to me, Amani. Can you
capture all of this in a
sentenceie, a line or
2?

The entire first

paragraph!

WP1: The
sources
analyzed in
this paper
include CNN,
Napa Valley
Register, and
the SFGate.
These sites are
respected
sources that

De Piero: OK, now

were talkingthis is
fodder for your thesis
statement. Im still
wondering, though...
what about these
sources are you going
to be analyzing?
Be specific.

The
changes I
made to
what I
initially
wrote:
I completely
re-worked
the first
paragraph. I
deleted
some
sentences
and added
others. It
now reads:
For people
living in the
United
States,
major article
headlines
make daily
appearances
. Many
people read
the news to
inform
themselves
of the
current
worldwide
events
taking
place
I looked back
and found
the start of
this
paragraph a
bit clunky,
and
confusing to
understand. I
attempted to
re-organize it

How this
impacts my
paper:

I noticed
that my
thesis did
not
accurately
set up the
rest of my
paper very
well. I rewrote it, as
well as a few
other
sentences. I
think it is a
stronger
introduction
to my paper.
There is a lot
more solid
writing in
the
paragraph
now.

After looking
over the
draft, I could
see how a
reader
would be
confused by
what I was
trying to say.
In one
sentence I

have been
reporting on
the world for
many years.
All three
articles were
published on
the same
day..

WP1: Besides
the topic of the
articles, they
also had many
other
similarities. All
three opened
with

De Piero: Youre
changing gears here
and going from Im
looking at 3 sources to
heres how they each
opened
up/started.Thats
worth changing gears.
Each paragraph needs
to further your
argument in a clear
way. Think: build. How
can you build your
argument? Paragraphs
are your building
blocks. Useem!

and it now
reads: The
sources
analyzed in
this paper
include
articles from
CNN, Napa
Valley
Register, and
the SF Gate.
More
importantly,
the
analyzation
will look at
the
similarities
and
differences
of
conventions
used within
the articles.
This
definitely
pointed to
my problem
with
organization.
I think it is
because I did
not take the
steps to
organize all
my thoughts
before sitting
down to
write this
paper. I did a
reverse
outline and it
is essentially
the same,
but I split it
into two

was talking
about the
sources and
then in
another I
switched to
the articles.
It is more
streamlined
now and
easier to
understand.

Doing the
reverse
outline
helped me
look at what
I wanted
each
paragraph to
say. After I
split the
paragraph in
question into
two, the
ideas flowed
better.
Before it was
clunky and
too many
ideas were
being talked
about. Now
it is nicely

WP1: There
was
speculation on
how much her
campaign
would cost and
other
challenges she
might face.

De Piero: Is this
furthering your
argument? If so, how??

WP2:
Reaching
Different
Audiences

De Piero: Super-boring
title. Cmon, Amani,
get me interested from
the beginning.

My title!

paragraphs.
Again, this is
the problem
with not
creating an
outline
before
writing. I had
presented
and idea but
did not go on
to analyze or
explain it. It
now reads:
There was
speculation
on how
much her
campaign
would cost
and other
challenges
she might
face. All of
these factors
made up a
solid
foundation of
reporting
that is
necessary
for major
news articles
to have so
that they
can produce
a wellinformed
piece.
He was right,
my title was
super
boring! I
thought
about it for a
while and I

organized.
By adding
an
explanation
to why I
included
that specific
idea in my
paper, I was
able to
strengthen
my
argument. I
also split
part of the
information
originally
following
that idea
into another
paragraph
because it
was about a
different
idea. This
added to my
organization
of the paper.

I like the title

a lot better
now because
it draws in
audiences as
well as hints
at the fact

WP2: In
modern,
mainstream
media pieces,
the articles are
written
explicitly for
the intended
audiences and
therefore make
use of very
specific moves,
conventions,
and styles.

De Piero: This topic

sentence is too vague
for me. What intended
audience? What
moves/conventions/styl
es?

wanted to
include
references to
both genres,
so I
eventually
came up
with:
Mainstream
Media or
Scholarly,
Which is
Best for You?

that there
will be a
discussion of
how the
genres are
different in
the paper.

I looked at
this
sentence
and wanted
to add more
information
but didnt
want to
make it a run
on sentence.
I chopped it
into two
sentences
and re-wrote
them: In
modern,
mainstream
media
pieces, the
articles are
written
explicitly for
people with
little
background
knowledge
who want to
be informed
of what is
going on in
the world.
Therefore

By making
the decision
to split it up
into two
sentences, I
gave myself
more room
to add
specific
information
to make the
statement
less broad.
Specificity is
important
because the
readers
cannot
guess what
the writer is
thinking.

WP2:
understanding
of the field of
bioanthropology
and the genre
of experiment
reports. There
is a lot of
scientific
jargon that is
attributed with
scholarly
scientific
articles and
reports.

De Piero: Youre
missing an opportunity
here for a . based on
the use of their jargon.

the
combination
of specific
moves,
conventions,
and styles
such as
emotional
stories and
factual data
are very
important.
I really
appreciated
this
comment
because it
showed the
importance
of using
quotes to
strengthen a
paper. It now
reads:
There is a
lot of
scientific
jargon that is
attributed
with
scholarly
scientific
articles and
reports. It is
seen
especially in
the
discussion
section of
the article
with
Regression
analysis
performed
on the yearly
records

I chose to
add a quote
from the
article I was
referencing
to show an
example of
the jargon
that I was
talking
about. This
gives more
background
to my
reasons that
I am arguing
and it makes
my claims
stronger.