Dating: through the eyes of the Bible

Madhukulya Vijay.
FECAI, 126/127 R.L. Brahimin Rd.
Pradhan Nagar, Siliguri-3
Darjeeling;West Bengal, India.
E-mail:- bijay.fecai@gmail.com.
 Dating: Through the eyes of the Bible
In this present modern world and modern society the
most important word and act in the life of the youth is
‘Dating’. Dating is the most happening thing that has made its
place in everyone’s life, society, religion and race; it has
become an important part of everyone’s living style. We do not
have to go anywhere else to look for an example, because
‘Dating’ has also made a mark in our own native place or even
in our own family.
So, what is the exact meaning of ‘Dating’? Simply it
means, ‘To spend time with someone’. Spending time then
means, spending time with Uncle or Aunt, or with Brothers
and Sisters, either Friends or Family members and even a
Teacher, not only with a boy or a girl.
If dating means- this spending time with all the people of
all ages or gender or known people then we can even have a
date with God. But in the world of the young and teenagers
‘Dating’ certainly means a boy going out with a girl or a man
and women spending time together.
Even if ‘Dating’ means in simple word- spending time
with someone, the world has only one meaning that is a boy
who takes out a girl for a date of a man and women go out for
a date to know each other better. So, now the question comes-

What has the Christian society think about ‘Dating’? Or

What is the place of ‘Dating’ in the Christian society?
If ‘YES’ the Christian society agrees, then as to what extent?
What does BIBLE tells us about ‘Dating’?
Then let us look at it in details:-

Firstly: - The Bible teaches us that……. There is nothing

unclean of itself (Rom 14:14 .NKJV) we even find different
examples about ‘Dating’ in the Holy Book. Evan the Bible has
given a place for dating it is not counted as unclean it is there
and has been all the time. Adam-Eve-Lord, Moses-Lord,
James- Rachel, Isaac-Rebecca, Boaz-Ruth, Solomon- his
girlfriend, Samsung- Delilah etc. are the examples of dating,
But, now the subject to study is that-

What do these ‘Dating’ examples teach us? Or

What kinds of dating were those?
And what kind of dating do we go for?
Let’s start with one of the verse-

When tempted, no one should say, "God is

tempting me." For God cannot be tempted by
evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each one
is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he
is dragged away and enticed. Then, after
desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin;
and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to
death. . (James 1:13-15 NIV)
According to these verses man because of his
own EVIL DESIRES fall into temptations and commits SIN
which is the reason death comes. But Lord never brings
temptation to anyone but warns about it before it arrives. So,
whatever we do we should always be alert, Alert, I use this
word here because ’Today’s’ youth have created a different
meaning of ‘Dating’ Where physical relationship is very
important or it is important to know or create relationship
between two individuals this is something which one can
ignore.
According to one survey 65% of youth were already involved
into sex in dating before getting married and 10% were not
and rest 25% didn’t want to discuss.
So, lets see some of the important things about ‘Dating’.

What kind of PERSON should we go on a DATE?

We can find the answer in 2 Timothy 2:22:-

Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith,
love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a
pure heart. (NIV)
Before a person chooses a partner or goes on a date they
should choose some one who has the qualities that are
according to this verse. Now, does the person who asks you
out for a date is a true Christian with a pure heart, religious,
believer and a person who values love and peace? Have you
both kneeled down together in prayer? You should always be
alert or else you might fall into temptation, do not let anyone
use you? So, please date after a prayer and with a person who
has the qualities according to the verses given earlier.

To spend time with a non-believer is STUPIDITY.

Lets see-“Don't be teamed with those who do

not love the Lord, for what do the people of God
have in common with the people of sin? How
can light live with darkness? And what
harmony can there be between Christ and the
devil? How can a Christian be a partner with
one who doesn't believe?” -2 Corinthians 6:14-15:- (TLB)
According to this religion and non-religion, light and darkness,
between a believer and non- believer, there are no relation
between this things. We should never try to mingle them
together, we here are only talking about marriage, but we are
also talking about lovers and ‘Dating’ between people, that is
the reason why it should always be our mind that we should
not date a person who does not love the Lord even if he or she
is a believer. We have lots of example between us, the only
reason is that they do not have the fear of God and they go for
‘Dating’ just to satisfy their PHYSICAL NEEDS and that is the
reason why people also are betrayed in love. The most
important thing is that they prove our faith in Christ as a
Failed Faith.

If you say you are a believer please do not go for a date

with a non- believer.
1 Corinthians 5:11 tells us “But now I am writing you that you
must not associate with anyone who calls himself a brother but
is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or a slanderer, a
drunkard or a swindler. With such a man do not even eat. (NIV)
Did you read here what it warns us? It says we should not
EVEN SIT and eat with them. But it has a different spiritual in
the sense to sit and eat. Let’s see one example:-
Once a non- believer boy loved a believer girl and because of
which he becomes a believer and he even got married
according to the Christian rules and regulations of the church.
Few months passed by but one day the boy’s mother cried in
the front of the boy and emotionally blackmailed him to give
up the Christian religion. The boy was not moved stayed firm
in his belief, but one day the wife said “I have come with you
to become a non-believer”. When the boy heard his wife, he
was shocked and his belief was weakened and he was driven
away from God to become a non-believer again. Now what do
you think, whose fault is it? So, we see that the women or wife
who said she was a believer, but did not live the life of a
believer, who lost her own faith and even the husband who
believed , because of her weak belief the boy lost his faith, the
belief was blown away in the wind. So, you should check if
your lover is a true believer or not and you yourself should be
a true believer at heart.

Do not spend time with a short tempered person.

Proverbs 22:24 tells-“Make no friendship with a man given to

anger, nor go with a wrathful (RSV)
According to this verse it tells us about spending time with a
short tempered person. The reason as, why this ‘nature’ is
mentioned- because a short tempered person sometimes a
reason for fight and chaos nothing can be hoped from them
then chaotic life. I have a friend who is very short tempered
and add an even his girlfriend is the same. Anger is always
there between them they always quarrel and even if one
sentence is spoken politely but the rest of the sentence or
speech is full of anger and are always angry with each other.
At last they call me to sought out their fight and it happens all
the time. But even I feel sick and tired some times and explain
to them about my feelings that I do not like it. I feel if this is
the condition before marriage then what will happen later?
That is the reason why it is not advisable to spend time with
the short tempered person.

A person is always a right person who is BEAUTIFUL in

HEART.

We all want our lover or partner to be good looking, that’s a

universal truth and which is actually true also which we can
not deny. But it is always important that the heart is more
beautiful then the outer beauty, because the Facial Beauty
fades away with time but the Inner Beauty always remains. :-1
Peter 3:4-
Be beautiful inside, in your hearts, with the lasting charm of a
gentle and quiet spirit that is so precious to God. (TLB)
According to this verse we learn to make our self beautiful
from within and make our self likeable to Lord. That is the
reason why we as beautiful should choose a person who is
beautiful at heart that is the reason why we should love the
person who loves you and one who loves God.

Spending time with a person of good character or a person

who thinks good about others.

We should never be with a person, who has selfish behaviors,

that is the reason why we should always judge if both you and
your partner’s behaviors match or not. The reason being a
Christian that heart of a person should be pure, kind; dialect
should be soft and thought should be like it is said in Roman-
15:5-6:-
“May God who gives patience, steadiness, and encouragement
help you to live in complete harmony with each other-each with
the attitude of Christ toward the other. And then all of us can
praise the Lord together with one voice, giving glory to God, the
Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.” (TLB)
One of my friends told me once about a servant of God and his
wife; he said-“only if the person’s wife would believe in
missionary work, then it would be of great help to the person’s
work. Their thought do not match” .Do not know why he said
that but it is true. You and your partner if do not think alike
then it is very difficult to save your relationship and the love.
Take for instance if you think or give much priority to Godly
(Missionary) works but your partner he/she give first
preference to money or wealth, then I guess you should think
about it. Earning money is important if that’s what you are
chosen for to help the world or your church with economic
help then it is good, but both the partner’s thought should
match.

Spend time, who encourage you to overcome your

weakness and follows your dreams.

“Is there any such thing as Christians cheering each other up?
Do you love me enough to want to help me? Does it mean
anything to you that we are brothers in the Lord, sharing the
same Spirit? Are your hearts tender and sympathetic at all? 2
Then make me truly happy by loving each other and agreeing
wholeheartedly with each other, working together with one
heart and mind and purpose.” Phil 2:1-2 (TLB)
This verse tells us about spending time with people who
always encourages you in all phase of life. The works that you
do or if you are working as a servant of God or your plans for
the future if your partner, if he/she if they do not encourage
you and only makes you follow their points of view, does not
respect yours, then it is not good. But if is important them to
be by your side always. Reason being- in the verse 4-
Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on
the things of others. (KJV)
It is written-“do not think only about yourself”. If you love
someone with a true heart then think about that person as
well, discuss between each other and encourage each other. If
that is not done then it is seem that your love is just an
attraction and false.

Let your love relationship grow in its own phase one step
to the other.
You should always give preference to prayer before dating
someone because being a Christian it is very essential.
2 Peter 1:6-7 “Next, learn to put aside your own desires so that
you will become patient and godly, gladly letting God have his
way with you. This will make possible the next step, which is
for you to enjoy other people and to like them, and finally you
will grow to love them deeply.” (TLB)
These verses tell us about the step by step method or ways to
build a strong relationship. These verses tell us that we should
have self control, patience, devotion and love in us. We should
always think twice before taking a step, do not take decisions
impatiently, know each other properly, take your time do not
hurry in love. Do not hide anything from each other, your past
if there is anything, your habits, about the family, about your
life and plans, you both should know everything about each
other. If you start sharing all the information’s about life and
family then there won’t be any misunderstandings
instead your love will grow stronger.
Once when I was traveling, in the seat in front of
mine were a couple and they were having a lovely
time talking about love and future. One the way
after a few stoppages in one of the stoppage the
taxi stopped and a lady she boarded the taxi, but lady by
chance was a college mate of the man who was traveling with
his girlfriend the couple I mentioned earlier. They both
recognized each other and talked about their college days and
how they enjoyed and how the young man got drunk, how he
fought for a young lady to say she only mentioned his habits.
After a while he introduced his girlfriend to his college friend,
but before the friend told the girlfriend-“ I am sorry, I was just
lying……” the girlfriend said-“ It’s ok, I know”. After the guy’s
friend got down, she thanked her boyfriend and said-“Thank
you, you told me everything about”. I think after that their love
relationship grew stronger. This was possible because the right
way of dating was followed.

While ‘Dating’ physical relationship should not be build.

Being a Christian we should not even think about getting
physically involved, 1 Corinthians 6:13-18 also tells us the
same thing:-
"Food for the stomach and the stomach for food"-but God will
destroy them both. The body is not meant for sexual immorality,
but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. By his power God
raised the Lord from the dead, and he will raise us also.
Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ
himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and
unite them with a prostitute? Never! Do you not know
that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one
with her in body? For it is said, "The two will
become one flesh." But he who unites himself with
the Lord is one with him in spirit. Flee from sexual
immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside
his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own
body.” (NIV)
Romans13:13 teaches us what all things to avoid while
dating:-
“Let us behave decently, as in the daytime, not in orgies and
drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and debauchery, not in
dissension and jealousy.”(NIV)
Our body is not made or meant for physical needs or pleasure.
But today’s youth about 95% look for physical pleasure only,
but bible teaches us to stay away from worldly pleasure, or
physical attraction. If your partner asks you to meet in a
lonely place or at home then politely and directly deny, if you
do not avoid the first step you will keep on getting deeper and
deeper into it. You will start committing sins which one day
will become your need and one day you will commit a big
mistake. After you commit a mistake even if no one accuses
you, but your inner self will never forgive you. The bible
always tells you to stay pure at heart and body and soul.
1 John 3:3:-
“And everyone who really believes this will try to stay pure
because Christ is pure”. (TLB)
If your partner asks you to kiss him/her to prove your love or
to do anything else, then it is wrong, do not encourage such
action instead you should not let all your desires to come in
between your relationship.
1 Thessalonians 4:3-5:-
“It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should
avoid sexual immorality; 4 that each of you should learn to
control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, 5 not
in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God;”(NIV)
These verses inform us about how to keep a pure relationship.
The aim of God is to make us a pure human being on this
earth.
I met a friend of mine who told me about the problems going
on between him and his wife. But asked him that his was a
love marriage and did they involve in a physical relationship
before marriage. But my friend did not answer and was angry
and he left. But I felt very awkward. After sometimes later t
went to his place to ask for forgive to ask such a question, but
instead I saw tears in his eyes and he said-“No, you are not
wrong, that is the reason why I always live in guilt…….” He
accepted his mistake and that day we prayed. We prayed
together to ask for forgiveness and today he lines a true
Christian life.

Now; if even you have alr eady commit t ed t he mist ak e

what should you do?
Do not worry our lord Jesus Christ is very kind and merciful;
he will help you to repent and go on with life.
 Firstly: - accept your mistake; Psalm 51:2-4 tell us to
bring all the mistakes before Christ and accept that you
have committed a sin. Ps 51:2-4:-

“Wash away all my iniquity

And cleanse me from my sin.
For I know my transgressions,
And my sin is always before me.
Against you, you only, have I sinned
And done what is evil in your sight,” (NIV)
and Romans 10:9 also tell us so;
“That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus
is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the
dead, you will be saved.” (NIV)

 Secondly: ask for forgiveness to Lord, he is very kind, he

will accept your prayer and forgive you. Pray as king
David prayed;
(Psalm 51:7-12)
“Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
Wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
Let me hear joy and gladness;
Let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
Hide your face from my sins
And blot out all my iniquity.
Create in me a pure heart, O God,
And renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Do not cast me from your presence
Or take your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of your salvation
And grant me a willing spirit, to sustain
me.”(NIV) and Matthew 11:28 also tell us so;
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will
give you rest.”(NIV)

 Thirdly; believe that God has forgiven you and do not

blame yourself again and again for the mistakes,
instead start a new life pure and spiritual. Remember
this forgiveness is not given to commit mistakes again
and again. God is not your slave who is there to save
you if you yourself knowingly commit mistakes. That is
the reason why King David (Psalm 33:1-6) was truly
regretting and was forgiven. We too should do the same,
believe with prayer and learn from our mistakes.
Psalm 32:1-6:
Blessed is he
Whose transgressions are forgiven,
Whose sins are covered?
Blessed is the man
Whose sin the LORD does not count against him
And in whose spirit is no deceit.
 When I kept silent,
My bones wasted away
Through my groaning all day long.
For day and night
Your hand was heavy upon me;
My strength was sapped
As in the heat of summer.
Selah
Then I acknowledged my sin to you
And did not cover up my iniquity.
I said, "I will confess
My transgressions to the LORD"--
And you forgave
The guilt of my sin.
Selah
Therefore let everyone who is godly pray to you
While you may be found;
Surely when the mighty waters rise,
They will not reach him.” (NIV)

He the Lord has made a partner for everyone.

Genesis 2:18
“The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I
will make a helper suitable for him."(NIV)
Here we see God has created a suitable partner for man. So,
do not hurry to look for a partner, because God has made a
right time for everything and even you will find the right
partner in the right time. God has promised to us for a good
partner in Isaiah 34:16:
“……..Not one will lack her/his mate….” (NIV)
The words of the Lord in the bible tell us that only God gives
us the suitable man/women in our life.

Proverbs 19:14:
“Houses and wealth are inherited from parents,
But a prudent wife is from the LORD” (NIV)
He knows what kind of partner you wish for and he will give
you a partner according to your choice, so do not worry.
Psalm 37:4:
“Delight yourself in the LORD
And he will give you the desires of your”. (NIV) and
Matthew 6:8:
“…for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.”
(NIV)

So, my fellow friends do think about what kind of

‘Dating’ are you going for. It does not suit us to go for
a worldly dating same as the non-believer or with the
wrong person or with the wrong intention. The
actual meaning of ‘Dating’ is to share the bonding
between you and your partner, to make plans for the
future and pray together, to share each others
visions and respect each others point of view, this
is the actual dating. We should never think that
‘Dating’ only means spending time with a girl/boy but
spending time with any aged person, status, relation or
gender with whom we spends some moments. Our way of
‘Dating’ should be accepted in the eyes of the Lord. Amen.

 RSV-Revised Standard Version

 NIV- New International Version
 NKJV- New King James Version
 TLB- The Living Bible