Documente Academic
Documente Profesional
Documente Cultură
Page 1
Sexual Boundary violations happen at any age when someone speaks about or touches our body in
a way that is sexually offensive, painful, frightening, embarrassing or shaming to us.
This boundary is truly personal sexual boundary violations can be verbal, emotional or
physical. If we were never taught about sex or were told incorrect information, a sexual boundary is
violated.
Mental (Intellectual) Boundary Violations happen at any age when someone discounts what and
how we think. To be told by someone that our thought processes are less than anothers is a
boundary violation. When we experience this violation we learn that to judge and be judged is okay.
And we end up violating others boundaries in the same way.
Healthy Mental Boundaries: It is our choice to accept or reject what others say about what we
think or say. As we recover and gain in our own self-esteem we have more faith that we are
thinking in a spiritually sober way and we allow others to have their own thoughts without
interruption and without ridicule.
Page 2
Am I angry?
Do I feel used?
Do I feel violated?
Do I feel resentful?
Do I feel isolated?
Do I feel frightened?
Are my boundaries allowing me to maintain healthy relationships with others and myself?
In assessing our current boundaries we may discover that either our boundaries are not firm enough
or are nonexistent or that they are too rigid.
Page 3
The following list provides examples of some typical challenges that recovering codependents may
encounter when establishing boundaries:
Mum comes to visit without calling. Is this OK with me? If not, what boundary can I set?
Do I ask her to call me an hour before visiting? A day?
A friend asks for a loan. Do I feel comfortable with this? Do I expect to be paid back? How
might I feel if Im not repaid? Am I being kind or caretaking?
Im single or divorced and dating. Do I have sex on the first date? Do I stick to my
boundary? Do I have sex because I feel pressured into intimacy?
My partner/spouse is late for dinner. Do I go ahead and eat when I want to? Do I wait until
Im hungry and resentful?
My meeting usually starts late. Is this respectful of our time boundaries? What prevents us
from starting promptly? Have I raised this issue at the meeting?
I need to leave for an important appointment, but an acquaintance wont stop talking. Do I
continue to fidget and hope s/he reads my body language? Do I politely wait until s/he is
done, while feeling increasingly used? How do I take care of myself?
Page 4
Once we answer these crucial questions, we can empower ourselves to express our feelings openly
and honestly without being controlled by our fear of the reactions of others.
We listen carefully to our own thoughts and feelings and know we do not have to give an
immediate response to others comments or questions.
CONCLUSION
When the day comes and we say No, Im clear about my feelings, and I wont be going, and we
dont feel a pressing need to justify ourselves, we have taken a major step forward in our recovery.
When we speak clearly and honestly when we set a boundary and dont allow anothers anger to
control us, we have taken a major step forward in our recovery.
With time and practice, we will know. We will know when we have verbally owned our power.
When our hearts and minds are clear, our speech can be simple and direct.
END OF READING
SOURCES
Setting boundaries is about learning to take care of ourselves, no matter what happens, where we go or
who were with.
Boundaries emerge from deep decisions about what we believe we deserve and
dont deserve.
Boundaries emerge from the belief that what we want, need, like and dislike is important.
Boundaries emerge as we learn to value, trust and listen to ourselves.
We cannot simultaneously set a boundary and take care of another persons feelings.
The most important person to notify of our boundaries is ourselves.
Because we had faith that the recovery process worked for anyone who worked it, we were
not inclined to rescue fellow CoDA members or others even if we felt uncomfortable with
their situation.