Mulheren 1

Joseph Mulheren
English 1010: Summary
Prof. Jerome McKeever
July 13, 2015
Word Count: 898
How to Say Nothing in 500 Words Summary
Paul McHenry Roberts (1917-1967) was an English professor for over 20 years
between San Jose State College and Cornell University. During his time there he
thoroughly researched and invested time in authoring books on linguistics such as
Understanding Grammar (1954), Patterns of English (1956), and Understanding English
(1958). Throughout How to Say Nothing in 500 Words Roberts outlines 9 different
writing styles that should be considered when writing an essay they are as followed:
avoid obvious content, take the less usual side, slip out of distraction, get rid of obvious
padding, call a fool a fool, pat expressions, colorful words, colored words, and lastly
colorless words. Roberts firmly believes that the writer has full potential to create the
level of interest of the composition for the reader, and by using the different writing
considerations, and explaining views opposite from the cultural norm, the reader will be
that much more interested.
The topic being analyzed is about why College Football Should be Abolished,
football is an American past time, in which very few people do not enjoy. By Roberts
using this stance, opposite of the norm, or the less usual side, readers question why
anyone would want to abolish college football, making for an indulged reader. Roberts
outlines the different writing styles behind the stance of abolishing college football

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through the eyes of a college student, attempting to write a paper versus having a fun
weekend. The paper starts with a very small 32 word summary exhausting the entire
topic, whereas Roberts than starts the paper over lengthening the introduction. The
student turns in the paper, receiving a D, and Roberts explains the dryness of his
entire classes 500 word essays, without any spice to make them interesting. Roberts than
begins to explain how the student essays can become interesting and that all subjects,
except sex, are dull until somebody makes them interesting. Roberts states the writer's
job is to find the argument, the approach, the angle, the wording that will take the reader
with him. Doing the above will further help the writer create an interesting environment
for the reader.
Roberts than begins to analyze the student essay while encompassing his thoughts
and writing techniques to make the essay full of flavor, and appeasing to the reader.
Avoiding the obvious content is one technique outlined where the writer is to look at
unconventional points, and think about the first things that come to their mind about a
topic, and then do not use those topics. Roberts explains that if you thought of them right
away, than so will everyone else writing about the topic. Next Roberts explains taking the
less usual side, with any topic this can be used because there are always different views.
Roberts specifically explains to not try to write to accompany your instructors views, but
to make everyone reading interested. By taking the less within the norm aspect of a topic
and using that to fuel your reader with emotion, your reader will then be more interested
and continue to read on.

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Slipping out of distraction comes next explaining that within the essay about
abolishing college football, using short rounded phrases such as college football is bad
for the players will not convince the reader, and that you must pull out the evil within
the topic to further convince the reader. Roberts uses the following phrase to outline the
convincing argument take your roommate, Alfred Simkins, the second-string center.
Picture poor old Alfy coming home from football practice every evening, bruised and
aching, agonizingly tired, scarcely able to shovel the mashed potatoes into his mouth.
The scene described above pushes the reader to formulate a picture in their head; of what
the consequences of college football creates.
Padding follows slipping out of distraction by explaining how college students
will use extra words and drag out a simple 4-word sentence to 20 words just to make their
paper reach the word count requirements. By doing this, students are fluffing up their
papers, adding more random unwanted information that disinterests the reader.
Humorously Roberts uses a term called calling a fool a fool, by using this technique
writers can get away from the in my opinion or I think type of conversation and
calling out what they are contributing to what they really are. Robertss states if he was a
fool, call him a fool; we often lose our actual perception in our writing by trying to
appease the reader.
Some pat expressions stand like a wall between the writer and thought. Such a
one is "the American way of life." Roberts demonstrates pat expressions similarly to
padding because they both extend and procrastinate what the writer is trying to explain.
Lastly Roberts talks about the different forms of color words, there are colorful, colorless,

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and colored words all with different meanings. Mother-in-law is an example of a colored
word because the phrase has a negative connotation opposed to the word mother. A
colorful word is demonstrated as something that can paint a picture in the readers head,
such as blistering cold. Lastly, we have colorless words, Roberts describe these words
as "I'd like to make this list longer, but I can't think of any more examples." These words
lack interest to the reader, and do not create the picture or bring any excitement.
By using the writing techniques that are further described in the original version
of the composition writers are able to analyze and view their work differently, and open
up pathways to create an experience for the reader.

References
Roberts, Paul. "How To Say Nothing in 500 Words." 1960. Web. 12 July 2015.
<https://bblearn.tri-c.edu/bbcswebdav/pid-3983941-dt-content-rid18309846_1/courses/ENG1010CW2L51070U15D/Engl 1010 HOW TO SAY
NOTHING IN FIVE HUNDRED WORDS.pdf>.