Jenny Butler

Response paper #3
COMM 1080-400

Developing Empathy
When I was growing up, we had metal framed beds, with small metal wheels. These beds
were notorious for painful foot injuries, in fact I remember my younger sister badly stubbing her
toe and me helping her up the stairs to my mom. I was probably about 5 years old, but I
remember this incident because just a few days earlier, my mom had talked to us about being
kind when others are hurt or injured. For many years since, I have used that incident as my
definition of empathy. Because isnt that what empathy is? Feeling bad for someone then helping
them?
In fact, up until a couple weeks ago, the narrow minded definition as described by Roman
Krznaric in his book Empathy: Why it Matters and How to Get It, was how I defined empathy,
Empathy has a reputation fuzzy feel-good emotion. Many people equate it with everyday
kindness and emotional sensitivity and being tender and caring toward others. (Krznaric
location 41) But Krznaric doesnt stop there, and when I heard his comments on the radio
program Radio West hosted by Doug Febrizio on KUER FM 90.1 I knew that true empathy is a
skill I must learn to be an effective communicator no matter what the situation.
I am certain the principle of do unto others as youve had done to you, is not a new idea
to most cultures and people. It certainly isnt to me. It is one that has been taught me from a very
young age as demonstrated in the stubbed-toe incident above, I was doing to my sister what I
would want her to do unto me in a similar situation. But if we step back and look at a more

complicated situation, or throw cultural differences into the mix, maybe doing unto others
would not be the best idea, because that assumes their ideas and needs are the same as mine.
In recent years, the problems in the Middle East have spiraled out of control. It is not
entirely U.S. involvement that has caused this, but as the U.S. and its allies have tried to help by
introducing western ideas of freedom and democracy, I am beginning to wonder if what world
leaders need is true empathy. I dont claim to be a foreign policy expert, but I cant help but
wonder if instead of trying to give people what we value in the U.S., we give them what they
value instead? Empathy is the art of stepping imaginatively into the shoes of another person,
understanding their feelings and perspectives and using that understanding to guide your
actions. (Krznaric, location 52) True empathy, then, requires not just seeing things from a
different point of view but being accepting of another viewpoint, maybe even protective of it. So,
instead of using our views to assume what another person/people need, we use THEIR views to
help them.
Unfortunately, there will always be people/groups of people who take their beliefs too far
and begin to devalue life. It is easy to point fingers at terrorist groups like I.S.I.S, but it is a bit
more difficult to see how the actions of deforestation, perpetuated by a greed for things is
ruining life for people, plants and animals indigenous to those regions. Deforestation may not
include people running around with guns and murdering, but the result is the same. True empathy
requires a lot of painful self-examination. Empathy requires more from us than just feeling sad
because someone is sad. Empathy is fluid. Empathy is a constant movement of thoughts and
feelings,
I dont think empathy is charity, I dont think empathy is self-sacrifice I dont
think empathy is prescriptive -Patricia Moore

Using empathy means there can be more than one way to solve a problem because there
is more than one way to view a problem. It also means that what once was a solution may not
work again. Just like your body can develop a tolerance for specific life-saving drugs and a new
medication will need to be taken to have the same positive effect, empathy is not a one-size-fitsall solution, nor a permanent one.
How then can empathy be developed? More specifically, empathy in diverse situations? I
believe the first step to true empathy is purely selfish, you have to want to develop empathy.
Otherwise, why are you trying to negotiate or solve a problem if the right answer is the one you
come up with? Our well-being depends on us stepping out of our own egos and into the lives of
others, both people close to us and distant strangers. (Krznaric, location 230) The first step in
empathy involves a desire to learn and grow from other people: the deep personal satisfaction of
human relationships. We will then be able to look inside which is preparatory to taking those first
tentative steps outside and then communicating without animosity or anger.
It is easy to write a paper about becoming more empathetic than it is to actually do it. As I
write, I am continuously thinking how to apply these new things to my own life. How am I going
to make the switch to true empathy? I feel like I am packed for a journey and I am now over the
luggage weight limit. I am standing in the airport with a bag that is over-full, and a line of people
waiting behind mecrap. I do wish to change, but I also like to be right, so the first thing to
go from my luggage is pride. True empathy is devoid of Im right and youre wrong. This
holds true for politics as much as it is true for relationships. The challenge for me will be to
educate myself, listen and then wait before speaking.
Empathy for others will be an ongoing effort. I am better prepared, because of this class,
to understand the need for empathy in many situations. I better understand the need to listen, to

think before I speak, to value the differences in every person, but not just physical differences.
Emotional and social difference play a big role in how people communicate both verbally and
nonverbally. I am excited to try out my new skills both at home and at work. I hope that by
developing true empathy, I can gain a quiet sense of self. A confident, non-judgmental self that
loves others without guile. I fully expect that by practicing empathy, I will be better equipped to
communicate in many different situations.

Citations:
Krznaric, Roman (2014). Empathy: Why it Matters and How to Get it. USA: Penguinhouse.
Amazon Kindle E-Edition