Role of parents & Swami Vivekanandas message to Youth

Apeejay School Speech

Role of parents & Swami Vivekanandas message to Youth

Respected Principal Mrs Rita Chatterjee, respected teachers of Apeejay School, respected
guardians and parents, and my very dear students that was a marathon Prize distribution ceremony! So
many students have done so well. Such things make us optimistic about the future of our society, doesnt
it?
You know, when I came in here this morning, there was no one in this hall; just some teachers and
some students. Then I came on to the stage sometime back and I see that so many parents have turned up.
This huge hall is full now! So many parents and guardians have turned up. It is very heartening to see this.
So what I plan to do is for the next ten minutes I will address you all about Swami Vivekanandas message
to the youth. Thats right; I will speak to you all, the parents and guardians, about Swamijis message to the
youth. There is a very important aspect of that message that needs to be conveyed to parents. Of course,
when I say that I have some issues to pick with you, I am speaking to you as a parent myself. You see, I
too run an educational institution in Belur Math. I run Ramakrishna Mission Shilpamandira, a Diploma
Polytechnic College at Belur Math.
Swamijis message to the youth can be summarized into two ideas. He has left a very rich literature
and if you study them, you will find that what I am saying is correct. The two ideas are Confidence and
Brahmacharya. Most of us know the exhortation of Swami Vivekananda to youths, to students. He used
to say, Have confidence in yourself. It has now become a much clichd saying. Have self-confidence,
we too say to our kids. I ask you all, do we as parents have anything else to do apart from commanding or
exhorting or advising our kids in this regard?
Let me explaining this thought by using another line of thought. We all know very well that in order
to be a teacher in a CBSE school like this, it is essential to have a graduation or post-graduation degree
along with due training in Education which is called B.Ed. In fact, in order to do any work in a decent
organization today, we need to have a requisite degree or diploma or post graduate degree or some sort of
systematic training. I ask you, in order to be a parent today, dont we need any training? You see, almost
every activity in todays society calls for some previous training. But a vital job, being a parent, doesnt
need any such training. Somehow, the society feels it is ok that anyone can indeed be a parent! Doesnt that
appear to be a little strange?
Take this case of confidence that Swami Vivekananda speaks of. If you analyze this confidence
thingy, you will find that a large part of it is nothing but internalized parental judgments on the child. What
is meant by that? We pass harsh judgmental comments on their kids such as You are a worthless fellow!
You are a stupid girl! Just see so & so in your class! How well she reads! When we make these comments,
we feel we are impelled by love for children, but, that is not how the kids are digesting such judgmental
comments. They internalize them and later on in life, when they face trying moments, these voices come
back in their mind. They come back as debilitating self-doubt and they fall short of the challenges life
throws at them.
Of course, there is another side to this story too. Take for instance the life of Swami Vivekananda
himself. When he was a small boy, he heard his mother say time and again that he was a part of the Lord
Shiva. She used to say Bileh, I prayed to Lord Shiva for a son and you were born. This idea that he was
an extraordinary person went deep into his mind. That flowered out in later years into Swami Vivekananda
and we marvel at that later personality. Same was the case with Alexander the Great. His mother repeated
regularly that he was the Greek god Achilles born as a man. The boy grew up, lodging this idea in his mind.
In all probabilities he himself was not aware of how and when the idea entered into him, but in later years,
we find him perform incredible deeds. He conquered all the kingdoms known during his times. Winston
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Role of parents & Swami Vivekanandas message to Youth

Apeejay School Speech

Churchill narrates a wonderful incident from his childhood in his book I think it was Thoughts &
Adventures. I am not sure of the book, but he mentions it somewhere. One day he came back from school
and told his mother that he had failed in the exam. Imagine the relation between mother and child if he
could come back home and tell her such a terrible fact without any fear of reprimanding! Anyway, he told
her and she asked him why; why had he failed? He used to go to Harrow School in London. He replied,
Mother, I wanted to tell the teacher what I knew, but the teacher was hell-bent on finding out what I did
not know! His mothers reaction was amazing. She believed her son. And from that day, she stopped
sending him to school! Thus, Churchill never went to any High School or College. He only attended lower
School and the rest of his education was home-schooling. This trust his mother placed on the young boy
flowered later on in Churchills life. For we find that later on he became one of the most popular Prime
Ministers of United Kingdom, apart from winning the Nobel Prize for literature!
Compare all these incidents with the common daily happenings in homes around us. The confidence
that our children will have tomorrow is to a large extent our contribution into their young minds. Our
seemingly harmless comments, judgments, evaluations about them, about their actions. These are
unimportant for us. But they form vital pillars in the personality of our kids. So, we need to be very, very
careful, supremely aware, in our dealings with our children.
I know a family. They have one child, a boy. He is now pursuing his Engineering Degree in a
prestigious College. I know quite well how greatly his parents love him. This boy, however, one day tells
me, Maharaj, my mother once told me, I should not have had you! Just imagine! Of all the wonderful
things that lady told him over all these years, this young fellow retained only this terrible comment, which
must have slipped out of her mouth in a moment of extreme exasperation! That is how kids are, and that is
how difficult parenting is. Now, with this damage done at home, dont expect any Swami Vivekananda or
School or College or textbook to set the boys personality right.
Now, lets talk about the other important idea that Swamiji gave to the youth, Brahmacharya. It is
a very sensitive idea. Some of you may object to this idea. You may say, Oh, Maharaj, dont speak about
Brahmacharya to my child. What if he becomes a monk?! I dont want to lose him! No, I am not speaking
of that extreme form of Brahmacharya here. What I am speaking about is Self-control, a certain degree of
self-discipline in the child. That has to come from home. The first lessons of self-control are always learnt
from parents. Remember this.
There was a psychologist, I forget his name. If you google up the words Marshmallow
Experiment, you will find it. This psychologist did a very famous experiment on a dozen children and
demonstrated the vital importance of self-control in the lives of these kids. You see, what he did was, he
chose some 10-12 kids and took them into a room, one at a time. He would keep a marshmallow on a plate
before that kid and tell that child, Look here. There is a marshmallow here for you. I have a condition. I
have to go outside for a few minutes. You will be alone here for a few minutes. If you dont eat this piece
till I return, I will give you two when I return. And then, in each case, he video-recorded the reactions of
the kids. Then, he waited some 15-20 years and studied where these chosen kids has reached in life. He
found that the kids who had waited for his return, who could delay gratification, who could exercise some
self-control, had done better in this world that those who couldnt control themselves! That is the
Brahmacharya I am speaking of here.
Do you know that kids are very, very observant? It is not just the words you tell them, they also
catch the unspoken attitudes of parents! The way a father looks upon the mother burns itself into the childs
psyche and years later, it flowers into that childs attitude towards women! Try to imagine now the immense
responsibility of being a parent. In Sri Ramakrishnas life, we see a very strange incident. When he was a
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Role of parents & Swami Vivekanandas message to Youth

Apeejay School Speech

small kid, maybe 5 or 6 years, one day, he hid himself in some bushes and spied on the women that took
bath in a pond in his village. He told his mother that he did this. His mother told him, Do not do that, my
child. You see, all women are exactly like me. I feel sad if you do that. So also would all women. Later on
in his life, we find him explicitly saying that he looked upon all women as his own mother. He even went
to the extent of worshipping his wife as his own mother!
I mention this particular incident because whenever I think about Swami Vivekanandas message
to youth, the idea that comes to the fore in my mind is his exhortation, Keep your mind pure at all costs.
Maintain Brahmacharya during your youth. Do this for the sake of your country. The exact words are as
follows: The Sanskrit name for a student, Brahmacharin, is synonymous with the Sanskrit word Kmajit.
(One who has full control over his passions.) Our goal of life is Moksha; how can that be ever attained
without Brahmacharya or absolute continence? Hence it is imposed upon our boys and youth as an
indispensable condition during their studentship. The purpose of life in the West is Bhoga, enjoyment; hence
much attention to strict Brahmacharya is not as indispensably necessary with them as it is with us. Let us
remember that our kids can maintain this great ideal only if the right inputs are given from their parents and
in no other way can this be done.
As parents, let us become aware of our immense responsibility in shaping the personality of our
children. If Swamijis message has to take firm roots in the minds and hearts of our children, we have a
vital role to play there. Let us realize that our role is very vital in educating our kids. How much indeed can
schools do in our society? Schools can impart academic knowledge and good schools like this one can do
it better than many other schools. But the personality of a child is shaped by what it takes in from its parents
during those unguarded moments at home. So, unless we own up this responsibility and act accordingly, all
we can do is blame teachers and curse our own fate later on in life when our kids become teenagers and
grownups and become selfish brutes! I am given to understand that this School has designed a variety of
programs throughout the year to impart values to its students. But, I tell you, your role is vital if anything
substantial has to happen in our youth. I keep telling my guardians at Shilpamandira the same thing. School
or College can help in educating your child, but, you cannot sub-contract it completely to anyone else. The
onus is always on you, as a parent.
With these few ideas, I pray to Sri Ramakrishna that all the students of this school grow up to be
solid contributors to our society and may their homes become places where selflessness flourishes.
Thank you all.
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