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Blanca Olmos
COM 122
11/6/15
Researching A Communication Skill
This semester I set the goal to communicate effectively in romantic relationships. After
setting it as a goal, I started to pull from the information I had already learned this semester. I
also started to filter through more material to see what information I needed to achieve this goal.
After much discussion with my fianc I was able to see the improvement, I had already made.
Through discussion I was also able to recall a conversation we had, after nearly a month in my
interpersonal communication class. My fianc told me of the conversation with my parents to ask
my hand in marriage, he said that my parents mentioned an improvement in me. Later my
parents told me more about it, and pointed out that I took conversations better. I did not become
so quickly aggravated and then storm off; but that they actually felt I was staying and listening. It
was a pleasant surprise to know that the improvement in communication skills had not gone
unnoticed.
Recently in my relationship with my then boyfriend, we were on the brink of a break up,
the situation was unstable. All because I was avoiding a crucial conversation, I needed to have
with him. I was withholding information from him; I had been withholding information from
everyone. After only a few weeks of interpersonal communications, I took the small information
I had learned and tested it. The conversation was not step by step like what I have learned, nor
did I know nearly as much as today but I had the conversation. A complete turnaround happened,
of course if we took the conversation and analyzed it, there probably were things that could have

been done better. In the end though, the most important thing at that moment was having that
conversation. Later on would come the skills to improve on how to make those conversation
more effective.
Communication was not something I thought of too often, I was under the impression
that those who were good at a communication gave amazing speeches. I never realized good
communication also lied in small conversations, the ones between coworkers or loved ones. To
me smaller conversations like those were a talk, from a dominant individual to a submissive one
and in there being that hierarchy was where success was measured. Through this class I have
been blessed with the knowledge to know better. I have been able to progressively let go of those
habits and ideas, moving toward more compassionate and productive conversations. Simply by
learning how conversations should take course and what skills to redirect a conversation so it
continues to be effective has made all the difference. Becoming more aware of what goes behind
the scenes in a conversation has really impacted how I approach communication. I now find
myself pulling away from me and stepping into the others shoes and in turn the conversation
remain effective seconds longer. Although I find myself still taking offense to what others say, I
still manage to step back and repeat the process of figuring out what they were thinking. In a
conference talk last year Elder W. Craig Zwick said the following on putting ourselves in others
shoes The willingness to see through each others eyes will transform corrupt communication
into minister[ing] grace. (Zwick, 2014) This wisdom can make for very effective
communication, it takes away from I talk to them about it to WE talked about it. When we
put ourselves in the others shoes, we allow input from others into the conversation. Making a
bigger information pool to draw out of and make a decision that is smarter and that everyone will
feel comfortable with.

Building that bridge within myself where I was able to express my emotions effectively
through communication made me so much more confident. Not only did I feel like what I felt
mattered; but I knew I had or knew where to draw the skills to show what I felt mattered. This
helped so much when I began to attempt to communicate with my partner more effectively. We
have come such a long way; there have been many trial and errors. There have been many
instances when it has tested our relationship and we needed to step away to reassess. As we
would come back we would see what we individually could do better and as we shared, we
encouraged and praised for one another for the things done well. This has been such a
breakthrough for me; I was used to doing the silent treatment or the teapot (when you hold
things in until boil over and shout). Now it has gone from a day to week ordeal to a ten minute
to an hour to cool down and decide to talk about it. I am making more of an effort to not become
upset and control my emotions. In being aware that I cause my own emotions I maintain the lines
of communication open with my partner. By doing so it opens other lines as well like said in the
book Crucial Conversations, Your relationship with your spouse influences every aspect of your
life. (Patterson, 2012) This is completely true, I have noticed since I have put in the effort to
build good communication between my fianc and I, the rest of my relationships have improved
as well. If I put in the effort for my fianc, why would I not for a loved one or for all of Gods
children. He has blessed me with the knowledge and desire to apply these principles in my life,
my way of showing gratitude is to share them with others.
In learning to communicate effectively in romantic relationships I have made such
enormous strides in my life that I never imagined I would. I have in a sense grown up a little, this
class along with this goal I set this semester has pushed me beyond my comfort zone. I
remember my second biggest crucial conversation since the class started, it was with my

coworker. I remember feeling so conflicted; I knew what I needed to say and what I wanted to
say. The internal and external battle lasted several days I just could not bring myself to have this
conversation. Everything felt wrong it was no longer about having the conversation but about
why. Why was I having this conversation, because I had to; or because it was the right thing to
do? As similar as they sound, the attitudes were different and the perspective in one was much
bigger. One was heavenly and the other was business oriented, I needed to maintain a
professional relationship but what if I could do that and also grow spiritually. In working towards
my goal to communicate effectively in my romantic relationships I was able to pull skills and
experiences from there to achieve the best outcome. Taking it back again to what Elder W. Craig
Zwick said, Through compassionate language when the cultivated gift of the Holy Ghost
pierces our hearts with empathy for the feelings and context of others. It enables us to transform
hazardous situations into holy places. (Zwick, 2014) I am so pleased with the result I have seen
through the research and development of communication effectively in romantic relationships
and eternally grateful.

Bibliography
Patterson, G. S. (2012). Crucial Conversation. In G. S. Patterson, Crucial
Conversations Tools for talking when stakes are high (p. 3). Chicago: McGraw
Hill Education.
Zwick, W. C. (2014, April 5). The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints.
Retrieved November 30, 2015, from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day
Saints website: www.lds.org