Logan Stafford

Professor Harper
English 101
December 5, 2015
Divorce
Why is divorce so common now days, when before it was almost unheard of ? Our
society has accepted divorce and made it very common in the American family. More children
come from broken homes now more than ever. Fifty percent of children born in the last decade
are from a divorced family (Corcoran 1). This leaves it to be argued that the reason for such high
divorce rates is due to the children of broken homes have lost role models to show how to
function as a successful partner in a relationship. The following facts and opinions should give
leadway into that the decision of divorce to become the last option if one at all. There are many
other ways to solve issues within a marriage. Also the effects it has on the children can be
considered the worst of all. Children of divorce tend to struggle more throughout life by
decisions they have had no control or say in. This leaves parents and children to learn how to
cope and form new ways in life to live by. The lifelong struggles caused by divorce could be
avoided by more work put into the strengthening of the relationships as opposed to ending one.
Divorce thirty years ago was something very uncommon. To even get a divorce there
would have to be strong evidence to prove that there was cheating or abuse occurring within the
relationship. Now it is as easy as signing the papers right? Wrong. It may seem that way to some,
but when a deeper look is taken the effects are widespread. One may rethink the decision to
divorce after acknowledging even a few of the negative effects.

Divorce has many areas of life that it affects, one being the behavior in children during all
cycles of divorce. National studies show that children from divorced and remarried families are
more aggressive toward their parents and teachers (Wallerstein XXIII). The aggression stems
from these children not understanding divorce and the reasons behind the decision. Children tend
to blame themselves for the divorce when they do not fully understand the causes. In most cases
the parent that took the initiative to push for divorce tend to take the brunt of things. For example
in the book The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce the study on Larry and Carol gives an
example. Larrys mother was being abused by his father when she decided enough was enough
and made the decision to leave. Larry did not take this well. He harboured a lot of resentment
towards his mother for breaking up the family he had known his whole life. An abusive
relationship tends to leave wounds regardless of staying or leaving, though the severity of those
wounds comes from which option is chosen. Divorce may be the best choice in these cases. A
lack of willingness to change by both parties may end any reason to leave out divorce.
Divorce not only affects the adults in the exiting of a relationship, but more so the
children of said adults. Divorce makes growing up even more of a challenge for these children.
These children feel as if though they become second thoughts to the divorcing, or divorced
parents, who have sometimes become too involved in themselves to consider anyone else, for
children, divorce is a watershed that permanently alters their lives (Wallerstein 27). This leads
to the point made previously about role models. How are children expected to have healthy
relationships, if they have never been taught how to manage one. After divorce parents become
less available because they are busy justifying the reason to leave with the reason to move on.
The children have very little say if any at all in these going ons. Children have to learn to adapt
to the idea of their parents moving on and entering new relationships or finding a new job that

further separates time between them and the parent. In most cases the mother has to find a job
and leave the kids alone more than before (Wallerstein 159). This then leaves the children with
abandonment and trust issues that are lifelong struggles.
Children often become pawns in custody. In the book Dividing the Child it states
Eighty percent of all mothers say they would prefer sole maternal physical custody, while more
than half the fathers say they would some nontraditional custodial arrangement (Maccoby 132).
This can cause huge custody battles that drag the child in making them pick or chose. Children
have to learn to accept dividing time between parents. Major events in a childs life become
jaded due to them trying to appease one or more sets of parents. After divorce a child has to
worry about holidays and other life events. They do not wish to hurt anyones feeling by making a
decision to spend time with the other. Even if it became a court ordered custody arrangement,
most cases do not take into the decision of the child (children). This can leave a child confused,
angry, and hurt.
Although children may become unhappy with decisions made the parenting shift
becomes a struggle for anyone involved. As stated in chapter two of the book Dividing the
Child we predicted that because mothers and fathers typically have differing parenting role
before separation, custodial mothers and fathers might face somewhat different problems in child
rearing and household management after divorce (Maccoby 205). Maccoby is saying after
divorce both homes have differing lifestyles. In most cases the main custodial parent claims that
the child has behavioral problems for three to four days after visiting the other parent.
Losing a spouse is not the only thing lost in a divorce. In the journal Adult Childrens
Relationships with Married Parents, Divorced Parents, and Stepparents : Biology, Marriage, or
Residence? Kalmijn states

When fathers are married to the mother of their children, they benefit from the division
of labor because the children tend to visit parents together and they provide social and emotional
support to both parents simultaneously. When fathers divorce, they lose not only a spouse but
also a kinkeeper. As a result, fathers may be less able to maintain ties with their children when
the children are adults and the fathers are not living with the mother anymore (Kalmijn 4).
One would say this alone should make anyone want to try harder in the marriage so as
not to lose part of that relationship with the child (children). There are so many ways to try to
overcome an almost failing marriage, reflection may be the easiest. Those who chose to marry
because at some point they were at some sort of reciprocity to create a family. Why throw all of
that away when things get tough when the same consideration can be given to staying. The end
result is so much more than just how the adults can move on.
Now that points have been addressed as to why divorce should be an absolute last resort,
the hopes of these writings are to bring awareness of reconsideration. Facts have been noted on
the negative effects emotionally, mentally, economically, and physically to all parties, but mostly
to children, in the before, during, and after of a divorce. This explains how putting in as much
work into a divorce as could be put into the marriage , maybe the divorce rate could start to
decline. Then a change could come to how divorce is perceived. So should divorce be
reconsidered now that the work involved in one may be less stressful that the reasons to file for
one, the answer, in opinion, should be yes.

Works Cited

Maccoby, Eleanor E., and Robert H. Mnookin. Dividing the Child: Social and Legal Dilemmas of Custody.
Cambridge, MA: Harvard UP, 1992. Print
Levitan, Sar A., and Richard S. Belous. What's Happening to the American Family? Baltimore:
Johns Hopkins UP, 1981. Print.
Wallerstein, Judith S., Julia Lewis, and Sandra Blakeslee. The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce: A 25
Year Landmark Study. New York: Hyperion, 2000. Print.
Bix, Brian H. "The Principles of American Family Law." Family Law The Oxford Introductions to
U.S. Law (2013): 3-22. Web.
Kalmijn, Matthijs. "Adult Children's Relationships With Married Parents, Divorced Parents, and
Stepparents: Biology, Marriage, or Residence?"Fam Relat Journal of Marriage and Family 75.5
(2013): 1181-193. Web.
"Psychological and Emotional Aspects of Divorce." Psychological and Emotional Aspects of
Divorce. N.p., n.d. Web. 06 Dec. 2015.
"Is Divorce Bad for Children?" Scientific American. N.p., n.d. Web. 06 Dec. 2015.
"The Impact of Divorce on Young Children and Adolescents." Psychology Today. N.p., n.d. Web. 06
Dec. 2015.