Kegan Swensen

Kelly Turnbeaugh
Eng 1010
The Effects of Divorce on Children
When I was looking through a list of ideas I could explore, I came across this idea, the
effects of divorce on children. I really liked the idea of exploring more in-depth with this topic
because my parents got divorced when I was three and I wanted to see if the effects that research
has shown are actually present in my life. I also wanted to know if the age of the child had an
effect on the effects that the child experiences.
As I began to research the effects that divorce has on children, I decided to start on
google.com and just start from the beginning. So I typed into the search bar, the effects of
divorce on children. I chose the first link that came up in the search and found a website
dedicated to divorce and the effects that it has on each parent and on the children. It begins by
talking about how it isnt the divorce itself that effects them in a negative way, but the feeling of
uncertainty of what is going to happen in the future.
The website then went on to break the age of the children into two groups. The
preschoolers, ages 9 and under; and the adolescents, ages 9-13. The preschoolers tend to become
more reliant on their parents and often times stop doing simple tasks that they use to be able to
do. On the otherhand, the adolescents wanted to become more independent and tried to break
away from their parents to avoid the problem rather than accepting it. However, no matter what
age the child is, the full effects of the divorce dont take full effect for another 15-20 year later
when the child is starting a relationship.

After I read about how the age of the child depends on how the child reacts to the divorce
I started to look a little deeper into how the age really matters. The idea led me to search deeper
on how the age plays a key role in the effects the child feels. The search led me to an article on
Psychology Today written by Dr. Carl E. Pickhardt about the impact of divorce on young
children and adolescents.
Just like the other article, he starts off breaking the children into the age groups of young
children, ages 9 and under; and the adolescents, ages 9-13. He then states that the divorce either
intensifies the independence of the child or intensifies the dependence of the child. I started to
see a pattern between the articles that the age really does affects how the child is affected. Each
article demonstrates that children tend to regress while the adolescents tend to become more
independent and dont want to deal with the divorce. Or in other words they try to run away from
the issue.
Each child, although they take the divorce differently, they are affected. The young child
tend to blame themselves for the divorce and often times ask questions about the future or often
wonder if their parents will ever get back together. They then answer these questions with their
worst fears which causes the regression. On the other hand the adolescent feels that if his parents
can hurt him, then he can hurt his parents. This often causes the child to become more aggressive
and more distant from the family. They also look for friends for a feeling of a family and put
them before their family.
When I read that the divorce causes this in the children, I wanted to know if there was
any other kinds of emotional or psychological effects that the children go through during the
divorce. I typed into google, psychological and emotional effects of divorce on children. This led

me to another article written by Dr. Kathleen OConnell Corcoran a mediator for families. She
talks about the effects that the divorce has on men, women, and children.
One thing that she talks about in her article is that the psychological effects the divorce
has on the child depend on three things. 1. The quality of relationship the children had with each
parent before the divorce; 2. The intensity and the duration of the conflict; and 3. The ability the
parent has to focus on the child after the divorce. Most parents think that they can remarry and
that they can be one happy family all over again. However, this often times makes things worse
for the child because no one can replace mom or dad. They feel like their parent is forcing them
to replace them.
During the whole process of divorce and remarriage of the parent the children also tend
to go through different behaviors that make them feel safe or that make the issue not feel as
prevalent. The feelings they go through after the divorce are: denial, abandonment,
preoccupation with information, anger or hostility, depression, immaturity or hyper maturity,
preoccupation with reconciliation, blame, guilt, and acting out. These are the feelings that Dr.
OConnell has seen the children go through after the divorce.
Dr. OConnell then goes on to list issues that the children will feel years after the divorce.
She gives a 12 year plan broken into three groups, each group representing three years of time.
Each groups gives details of what the child will experience. Some being: regression, sadness,
loyalty issues, fears of loneliness, loyalty issues, and behavioral issues.
After reading about that the child will experience these things as time goes on led me to
another search of, what the long term effects that divorce has on children. It led me to an article
written by D. Wayne Matthews, a human development specialist. He wrote this article focusing

on divorce in general and how the divorce effects children in a short-term period and also the
long-term effects. He also talks about what parents can do if they divorce and have children.
He states that, Children can sometimes experience what might be called the sleeper
effect. They recover rather quickly following the divorce, but because of denied feelings at a
subconscious level, feelings about the divorce may emerge at some point later in life (4). This
can be a long term effect that a child could have because of denial early on they then experience
the divorce later on in life. He then cites a study done about the effects that the children has five
years after the divorce. The effects being; persistent anger, depression, longing for the visiting
parent, and the desire for the family to be back together again.
The same study also showed the children ten years after the divorce that the children felt
a dominant feeling of sorrow for the parents and for the divorce. They also showed that they
physically were different than children with intact families. Also they had persistent emotional
problems of anxiety, depression, anger, fear of betrayal, fear of loss, and a reduction of
psychological wellbeing. Not only was there persistent emotional problems, but the children also
showed social problems as well. Some being: poor relationships, delinquent behaviors, fear of
repeating the same mistakes of their parents, trust issues, and lower socioeconomic status.
All this information really opened up my eyes to the things that I could be experiencing
and also what my brother or my sister experienced or is experiencing. This led me to decide to
interview each of them and see how the divorce of my parents have affected them.
I first interviewed my sister who was 11 when my parents divorced. She started off by
saying that she was really confused in the beginning because my parents initially separated
before they were officially divorced. She recounted of a time at school where she was at recess

and felt the need to start running. So she left what she was doing and just started running. She
said that she didnt know why she started running, but stated that it could have been a desire to
try to run away from what was happening at the time.
She then went on to say that she then started to look for friends that she could spend time
with rather than visiting with her father. This really affected her relationship that she has with her
father now. However, she has resolved these issues and is starting to make a relationship with her
father again. Some of the long term effects that she feel she has is that she doesnt know what its
like to have a fatherly figure in her life and often looked for one while she was growing up.
However, when I interviewed my brother some of the things that he felt were different than what
my sister felt.
My brother was eight when my parents got divorced and told me that he too felt lost and
confused. However, unlike my sister he continued to have a relationship with his father and still
continues to have that relationship with him. He told me that he was constantly looking for a
fatherly figure in his life because his dad wasnt there when he needed him. He wasnt there to
go fishing with him or do anything that a child would do with his father growing up. He did do
some things with his father, but never the things that he thought a father should do with his son.
One long term effect that my brother said that he had from the divorce was that he now
knows that he doesnt want to put his child or his wife through what he had to go through. He
doesnt want his son to have to look for a fatherly figure in his life because hes not there. This
causes him to try to be a better father and a better husband from it every day.
Although my brother and sister had some similarities, I could see the difference effects
that the divorce had on them. I saw the things that I found while I was exploring this topic. I saw

that the age difference of my brother and sister really affected how they are to this day. My sister
became independent and went out on her own and broke away from my parents, especially my
dad. While my brother tended to stay close, but then rebelled against my mother and my father
and was frustrated with my parents. I, being the youngest, got to see this all and really got to see
the effects that the divorce had on both of them.
Now after I have done some exploration on the topic, I have been able to see the things
mentioned in each of my sources in the lives of my brother and sister as well as in my own life. I
have been able to see that the age of the child really affects how the child reacts at first and the
long term effects that they feel throughout their lives. I can say that all the research I have done
has opened my eyes and made me realize that these things have become part of my life. That the
emotional, psychological, and social affects that the divorce have are existent in children who
come from divorced families. I completely agree that the divorce of the parents have a huge
impact and effect on the lives of their children.

Works Cited:
Children and Divorce. Children and Divorce. Web. 5 Nov. 2015
Pickhardt, Carl. "The Impact of Divorce on Young Children and Adolescents." Psychology
Today. Sussex Publishers, 19 Dec. 2011. Web. 16 Nov. 2015.
Psychological and Emotional Aspects of Divorce. Psychological and Emotional Aspects of
Divorce. Kathleen OConnell Corcoran, Ph.D., June 1997. Web. 5 Nov. 2015.
Matthews, D. Wayne. "Long Term Effects of Divorce on Children." North Carolina Cooperative
Extension Service. Web. 16 Nov. 2015.
Swensen, Ashley. Personal Interview. 11/15/15
Swensen, Cody. Personal Interview. 11/15/15