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Swimming in Filth

by Edgar Luna

FILE

SWIMMING_IN_FILT H.DOCX (164.34K)

T IME SUBMIT T ED

18-NOV-2015 09:44PM

WORD COUNT

1523

SUBMISSION ID

602263912

CHARACT ER COUNT

8813

at

as context?

the intro raises


questions without
telling or hinting
at your argument-that our water is
too contaminated
to swim in, ever.
There should be
a hint of this
before the thesis.

different diseases

Yes, there is fecal matter in the ocean. It comes


from humans, fish, whales, etc. You'll need to
prove that the concentration is harmful.

more people swim in summer, more bacteria is therefore logical. I've


never heard anyone say the sun kills the bacteria.

and at what level to


people sicken?

much stronger
counterargument

None of this is relevant until you tell us what bacterial levels


are safe and harmful.

Um, I think the ocean waves and tides deposit


the bacteria into the sand, too.

wait, you didn't ever show that it's


"significant." You need to define the level at
which it makes people sick.

again, need a
"safe" number
for comparison,
otherwise this
number is
meaningless.

Swimming in Filth
GRADEMARK REPORT
FINAL GRADE

GENERAL COMMENTS

82

Instructor

/100

PAGE 1
PAGE 2

Text Comment.

at

Text Comment.

as context?

Text Comment.

the intro raises questions without telling or hinting at your argument--that


our water is too contaminated to swim in, ever. T here should be a hint of this bef ore the thesis.
QM

Pro or Ref
Check all your pronouns and ref erences. If it's not obvious to whom or what they ref er, make it
obvious by using the specif ic noun again.

Text Comment.

dif f erent diseases

PAGE 3

Text Comment.

Yes, there is f ecal matter in the ocean. It comes f rom humans, f ish,
whales, etc. You'll need to prove that the concentration is harmf ul.

Text Comment.

more people swim in summer, more bacteria is theref ore logical. I've never
heard anyone say the sun kills the bacteria.
PAGE 4

Text Comment.

and at what level to people sicken?

Text Comment.
QM

much stronger counterargument

Run-on
Run-on sentence:
T he sentence contains two or more independent clauses. Separate the clauses with a period or
semicolon.

Text Comment.

None of this is relevant until you tell us what bacterial levels are saf e and

harmf ul.
PAGE 5

Text Comment.

Um, I think the ocean waves and tides deposit the bacteria into the sand,

too.
PAGE 6

Text Comment.

wait, you didn't ever show that it's "signif icant." You need to def ine the
level at which it makes people sick.

Text Comment.

again, need a "saf e" number f or comparison, otherwise this number is

meaningless.
PAGE 7

QM

apa mla ref list


Use Purdue OWL to discover the proper content and f ormatting of these entries.

RUBRIC: EDITORIAL RUBRIC

RHET ORIC (10%)

84 / 95

85 / 95

Write f or a specif ic audience and purpose.


ABSENT OR BELOW Audience's needs are of ten not recognized: terms and ideas need explanation and
BASIC
language needs adjustment f or the audience. Purpose (to argue a position
(65)
persuasively) isn't clear or achieved.
DEVELOPING
(75)

Shows some attention to audience's needs, sometimes def ining necessary terms and
ideas and using audience-appropriate language. Purpose (to argue a position
persuasively) may be unclear at times, and it may not be achieved convincingly.

PROFICIENT
(85)

Usually shows attention to audience's needs, def ining necessary terms and ideas
and using audience-appropriate language. Purpose may be implied, but it's clear and
achieved.

ADVANCED
(95)

Shows sophisticated attention to audience's needs, def ining necessary terms and
ideas and using audience-appropriate language. Purpose (to argue a position
persuasively) is clear and achieved with style.

ET HICAL RES (10%)

75 / 95

Find, evaluate, select, synthesize, organize, ethically cite, and present inf ormation f rom a variety of
sources appropriate to their disciplines.
ABSENT OR BELOW Omits or uses discipline-appropriate in-text and end-of -text citations and quotation
BASIC
marks incorrectly. Drops quotations and ideas into text without introducing source.
(65)
Frequently uses irrelevant or unpersuasive sources or relies exclusively on one

source.
DEVELOPING
(75)

A f ew errors in discipline-appropriate in-text and end-of -text citations and quotation


marks. Of ten includes sources without introduction in cases when introduction is
necessary and discipline appropriate. Sometimes relies too heavily on a single source
or uses irrelevant sources.

PROFICIENT
(85)

Correctly uses discipline-appropriate in-text and end-of -text citations and quotation
marks. Usually introduces each source f ully (as necessary and discipline-appropriate)
reader knows who did the research or communicating, f or whom, and why. Use of
sources is usually diverse and relevant.

ADVANCED
(95)

Correctly uses discipline-appropriate in-text and end-of -text citations and quotation
marks. Introduces each source f ully (as necessary and discipline-appropriate)
reader knows who did the research or communicating, f or whom, and why. Use of
sources is always diverse and relevant.

PERSUASION (30%)

75 / 95

Compare, evaluate, synthesize, and communicate caref ully, objectively, and persuasively the relative merits
of alternative or opposing arguments, assumptions, and cultural values. Integrate this evaluative work into
a persuasive argument.

ABSENT OR BELOW Fails to support claims with relevant reasoning and/or specif ic evidence. Objectivity,
BASIC
balance, and a controlling idea may be lacking.
(65)
DEVELOPING
(75)

Attempts to support claims with reasoning and evidence, but specif icity and/or
objectivity may be lacking. A controlling idea may be missing or implied. Objectivity and
balance may be weak or f lawed.

PROFICIENT
(85)

Usually supports the controlling idea and paragraph claims with relevant, thorough,
and insightf ul reasoning and specif ic evidence. Usually maintains objectivity and
balance in argumentation.

ADVANCED
(95)

Supports the controlling idea and paragraph claims with relevant, thorough, and
insightf ul reasoning and specif ic evidence. Maintains objectivity and balance in
argumentation.

ORGANIZ AT ION (30%)

95 / 95

Organize, f ocus, and communicate ones thoughts clearly and ef f ectively to address a rhetorical situation.
ABSENT OR BELOW Organizational devices (controlling idea, headings, subheadings, topic sentences,
BASIC
transitions) may be absent, unrelated to the prompt, or illogically connected. Ps
(65)
contain multiple topics or are disorganized.
DEVELOPING
(75)

Organizational devices (controlling idea, headings, subheadings, topic sentences,


transitions) f it the prompt, but may be vague, too broad, or inconsistenly or illogically
linked. Ps may not be unif ied.

PROFICIENT
(85)

Clear organizational devices (controlling idea, headings, subheadings, topic


sentences, transitions) f it the prompt and tie ideas and topics together adequately.
Ps are usually unif ied.

ADVANCED
(95)

Clear, specif ic organizational devices (thesis, topic sentences, headings, transitions)


f it the prompt and tie ideas and topics together logically and seamlessly. Paragraphs
are unif ied.

LANG & DESIGN (20%)

85 / 95

Recognize, evaluate, and employ the f eatures and contexts of language and design that express and
inf luence meaning and that demonstrate sensitivity to gender and cultural dif f erences.
ABSENT OR BELOW Spelling, syntax, diction, or punctuation errors impede readability. Lanuage may ref lect
BASIC
a gender or cultural bias. Design may be unconventional and inef f ective.
(65)
DEVELOPING
(75)

Spelling, syntax, diction, or punctuation errors of ten impede readability or otherwise


distract f rom meaning. Lanuage may occasionally suggest a gender or cultural bias.
Design may be inconventional or inef f ective.

PROFICIENT
(85)

Spelling, syntax, diction, or punctuation errors are f ew and do not distract f rom
meaning. Lanuage respects gender and cultural dif f erences. Design is conventional
and ef f ective.

ADVANCED
(95)

Outstanding control of language, including ef f ective diction and sentence variety.


Lanuage respects gender and cultural dif f erences. Design is conventional and
ef f ective.

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