Amber Pyeatt

COMM 2110-402
Final Report on my Personal Change Project
Submitted to Professor Tamra Phillips
December 9, 2015

This final report is an outline of my progression toward the unwanted communication habit I
chose. The goal I decided to improve upon was my interpersonal perception (Beebe, p.63)
abilities. I will correspondingly reveal the strategies I designated, and I will reflect on what Ive
learned about interpersonal relationships. The three strategies I used and currently still use
include: Checking my perceptions, being other-oriented and to, become aware of others
perceptions of me (Beebe, p.81). My unwanted communication patterns existed because I was
misjudging others behaviors, jumping to conclusions before understanding where others were
coming from, and thin slicing (Beebe, p. 65) in turn producing bad communication. I will
furthermore identify the constraints I had come across trying out the strategies recommended
from the text, Interpersonal Communication: Relating to Others by Beebe, Beebe, and Redmond.
My results were remarkable and very encouraging resulting in my continued progression towards
being a healthier communicator.

Unwanted Communication Pattern

When I didnt comprehend where people were coming from, verbal and non-verbal
communication was restricted and unclear. Perceiving others emotions, I had a tendency to
misjudge others behaviors because of missed indications. I didnt pay attention to underlying
factors and I would jump to conclusions without thinking about it first (Beebe, p.76-79). For
example when I would come home my husband would be quite and look upset. So I assumed it
was something I did wrong and that he didnt even want to communicate. By thin slicing
(Beebe, p. 65) I couldnt properly identify what was wrong (if there even was something wrong)
it would create an uncomfortable atmosphere for both of us. Another common occurrence of this
unwanted habit would be the reciprocal of the same situation. When I would come home I would

non-verbally and verbally communicate that I was angry, sad or cranky, therefore creating an
uncomfortable environment for both my husband and I. Our impression (Beebe, p. 68) of each
others actions and tone of voice were ineffective causing conflict triggers (Beebe, p. 225) for
no reason. By improving these habits I enhanced my ability to correctly interpret the emotional
expressions of others.

Strategies
The first strategy I chose was to, Check my perceptions (Beebe, p.81). To check my
perceptions of others I used indirect and direct perception checking (Beebe, p.81). By checking
before leaping to conclusions I enhanced my perception of others pretty quickly. I grasped that
my perceptions of others are not always precise, just as others perceptions of me are not always
exact either. Indirect perception checking (Beebe, p.81) is done when I suspected somebody
was upset or angry. I indirectly looked for signs by listening to my friends, husband and familys
language, I listened to the tone of their voice while looking for body language that either
confirmed or negated my uncertainties. If I needed to negate them, then I would proceed to
direct perception checking (Beebe, p.81). By directly asking if someone was annoyed or upset
by something, I confirmed the uncertainties and showed that I care about my understanding of
his or her behavior. This is also known as active perception (Beebe, p.68). In turn the person
could then see their behavior was confusing and they could get the chance to do corrective
facework (Beebe, p.45).
The second strategy was to, Become Other-Oriented (Beebe, p.81). To become other-oriented
is a, two-step process that allows you to see things from another persons perspective and it
gives you the ability to understand where they are coming from. (Beebe, p. 81). One approach
to be other-oriented (Beebe, p.2) is to put yourself in the other persons shoes. How would you
react if you had gone through the same or similar situation? I used this strategy the most because
this concept is very valuable and beneficial for interpersonal communication. The first step is,
Social decentering which is, to deliberately think about what another person is feeling and
thinking (Beebe, p.81). What thoughts are racing in their mind? What recently happened to this
person, or is this person always like this? The second step is Empathizing (Beebe, p.81).
Responding emotionally to another persons feelings (Beebe, p.81). If the person I

communicated with was gloomy, I responded in a similar way. For example I found out my
friend was going to break up with her boyfriend of three years. I wasnt gloomy and sad but I
wasnt excited and happy about it either. Instead I felt concern for her well-being and asked her
if she would like to talk about it or if she just wanted a hug. When I implemented empathy It
showed that I paid attention to their thoughts and understood where they were coming from.
The third strategy I used was considering Others Perceptions of Me, (Beebe, p.81). Last but
not least, I improved my interpersonal perception skills by asking others what their perception of
me was and what actions and or words I used to make them think that. That way I could
communicate better next time around. Furthermore I could be more acceptable of their criticisms
and know that they are not attacking me, they are just giving me helpful feedback. This strategy
gave me the opportunity to change the way I behave and or talk.

Constraints
At first I didnt think that I would have constraints applying these strategies because I am a
naturally good observer. I found later that by just observing ones behavior was not going to work
effectively. The biggest constraint I feel I had is the primacy effect which is to, observe the
first pieces of information and forming an impression on those (Beebe, p.69). Just attending to
my first observations was not ideal. I needed to be patient and listen carefully to the tone of their
voice and watch for nonverbal communication (Beebe, p.188). Another constraint I feel I had
was asking too many questions by directly checking ones perception. Doing so felt awkward and
unnatural for my communication partner and me. By asking too many questions, I feel that
communication was rushed and that I came across self-oriented instead of other-oriented. My last
constraint was considering others perceptions of me; when I tried to, it was difficult. Seeing from
someone elses perspective is more challenging than one could imagine.

Implementation

By documenting two journal entries a week I was able to implement the three strategies and
essentially learned that identifying others emotions and feelings were absolutely necessary in
everyday interpersonal communication. After writing my personal change proposal, I began
using the three strategies I selected right away. Like I have said whenever I was unsure about
how my husband was behaving, I would stop what I was assuming and tell myself to not jump to
conclusions. In my head, I would decide on what strategy would work best for the situation at
hand. If one didnt work, I would attempt another. Usually the first or second effort at correctly
recognizing my husbands perceptions, I was able to see that the strategies really do work and
that they were crucial to use now and for the rest of my life.
If I had to pick a strategy that I used most often, I would say direct perception checking
(Beebe, p. 81) was it. Mostly because I would jump to conclusions about how my husband was
acting. So I would just directly ask him what the matter was. He would then tell me or would tell
me that everything is fine and he is just tired. But, if I had asked him too many questions he
would be bothered by my pestering and in turn create a conflict that wasnt there before. This
was a constraint I had to overcome. So instead of asking him direct questions I would analyze his
communication longer. In other words I would choose indirect perception checking (Beebe, p.
81) and just go with it. This would usually confirm or negate my perception.
Another example of how I used direct perception checking (Beebe, p. 81) is through electronic
mediated communication (EMC) (Beebe, p. 15). When I would send a text message to a friend
and not get a response in a timely manner I would again jump to conclusions and start thinking I
made that person mad. By directly sending a message a couple hours later (something like, R u
mad @ me?) then I would get a response confirming they werent, and something had just come
up so they couldnt respond right away.
My favorite example of when I used indirect perception checking (Beebe, p. 81) is when I
called in sick for work. This is out of my character and I had many misconceptions of what
people thought of my absence. After talking with my boss I realized that he had called in sick as

well. When I was indirectly looking for signs as to whether my boss was mad at me for my
absence I noticed there was none. He then confirmed my perception of the situation by acting
normal and was actually pretty happy that day. Because of my indirect perception checking
(Beebe, p. 81) I had come to a decision that I had anxiety over this for no reason.
I noticed after a few weeks of becoming more other-oriented (Beebe, p. 2) by using social
decentering, and empathizing, I felt truly good inside and that I was communicating the right
way. Thinking of others really made an enormous difference in my interpersonal communication.
One illustration of using social decentering (Beebe, p. 81) is when I listened to my mother-inlaw about her father. He wasnt doing too well and had to retire. I could tell by the look on her
face that she was really concerned for his well-being and her family being financially okay. I sat
there for a few minutes and thought to myself, How would I feel if I was going through the
stress and worry she was experiencing? After doing so I was able to fully listen to her as she
expressed her frustrations and feelings. I listened intently which made a huge difference in how
she began to behave. She became peaceful and told me how grateful she was for being there for
her; this made me feel so wonderful. Just writing about it makes me want to cry.
Empathizing (Beebe, p. 81) is another way I became more other-oriented (Beebe, p. 2). It
works really well to stop and listen to others before hurdling in and stating the obvious. My
friend Andrea was laid off from her job and because I was empathetic to her situation the
conversation went smooth and I knew she felt I was a good friend for listening. Instead of stating
she shouldnt worry and that she will find another job soon, I told her that if she would like, I
would sit down with her and help her write up a resume. She looked up at me and smiled. I
knew right then that by taking a moment before responding to her situation that she was pleased I
was being optimistic and in turn she had seen the layoff as an opportunity, instead of a door
being shut. This particular situation gave me an opportunity to become aware of how she
perceived me. Because of her non-verbal communication (her smile) I could see that she was
happy with how I dealt with her unfortunate circumstance.
The most difficult part of my goal was to consider others perception of me (Beebe, p. 81).
Therefore I only have a two journal entries to analyze.

One case from my journal, seeing my husbands perception of me came about when he thought I
didnt want to dress up for Halloween. I addressed that I did in fact want to dress up and that I
had not said anything because I didnt want to spend $100 dollars on poorly made costumes. His
perception of what I wanted to do was inaccurate because of the lack of mentioning anything to
him about it. I didnt say anything until he told me what he thoughtI had thought. With this
scenario I couldve been more direct with my husband from the beginning, stating my thoughts
so he didnt assume that I didnt want to dress up for the holiday.
The other scenario of becoming aware of others perception of me (Beebe, p.81) happened last
Friday. I invited my friend T.J over to play darts and to hang out. He showed up earlier than
expected and I was still finishing up a paper for school. I continued working on my paper for
about thirty minutes until he said, Well it looks like youre too busy to chill, so Im just going to
go home. I assumed he would just hang out with my husband until I was finished. By not
paying much attention to him and not telling him that I was almost done, my actions were rude
and thoughtless. I couldve made the situation better by expressing that I did want to hang out,
but needed to wrap up my paper first when he first came over.

Results

The outcome of this whole experience was remarkable. I feel that after all that I have learned
from this particular class; Interpersonal communication should be mandatory in high school. All
of my relationships have been enhanced because I am a much better communicator. By applying
suggested strategies from the text to my everyday communication even my husband has noticed
a tremendous difference in me. I feel that before I was a conversational narcissist (Beebe,
p.127), now I am a compassionate listener (Beebe, p.137). When I find myself waiting to talk
instead of actually listening to others, I now use active listening (Beebe, p.137) skills and use
on-task self-talk to remain focused (Beebe, p.134). Another remarkable effect this class has
had on me is that I am a more other-oriented person and conflicts can be managed more
effectively. I dont see how applying the strategies for effective communication from the text
could have negative consequences if any. The only negative thing I can think of is that I cant

keep the text book because it was rented. I am actually considering purchasing the text for $100
dollars because of the vast knowledge on how to communicate effectively is priceless!

Recommendations
My interpersonal relationships with my family, friends, and husband, have been enriched so
much, I will continue implementing the strategies I have chosen to better perceive others and
how they perceive methat and then some. When I can purchase the text I will take it out now
and then and re-read the chapters I feel will be beneficial to certain situations. I am confident that
my husband will also find reading the text just as useful to him as it was for me.

One additional skill I would like to work on is how much information I disclose to others. I still
feel that I need to work on what and how often I self-disclose (Beebe, p. 53). Other than that I
am very happy I took this class and recommend it to all.
Communication is to a relationship what breathing is to maintaining life. -Virginia Satir
(Beebe, p. 1).

Works Cited
Beebe, Beebe, & Redmond. (2014). Interpersonal Communication: Relating to Others. (7th ed.).
Boston: Pearson.