The author of this essay is: Dave Weisbrich_____________________________________.

Online Peer Review of Essay #1

Directions: First, read the paper silently to yourself once. Then, answer the questions below.
When answering the following questions, be thoughtful, clear, and helpful. Use complete
sentences and specific examples. On the writers document, turn on the Track Changes
feature (ReviewTrack Changes): In this way, the author can see what changes you think
should be made. Feel free to make comments directly on the writers draft (New
CommentClickType your constructive feedback).

Organization and Introduction

1.
Organization
a.
Is this draft organized in a standard pattern: an introduction, a body with supporting points
presented in a logical order, and a concluding section that summarizes and analyzes the overall
significance of the topic? Note on the paper where the organization seems to be ineffective.
Dave used a timeline that ultimately supported his thesis. He gave examples from a current
situation and then recalled instances growing up that supported the points he was trying to
make.

2.
Introduction: The first paragraph(s) should prepare the reader for the topic presented in the
paper.
a.
Does the introduction begin broadly and narrow to the main idea of the essay? Yes, Daves
essay starts out with an attention grabbing situation.
b.
Look specifically at the authors Thesis Statement:
1.
Is the thesis towards the end of the introduction? Yes, it is within the first paragraph of
his essay.
2.
Is the thesis narrow and well-defined? Daves Thesis is pretty straight forward, although
I think it could be stronger if he mentioned that he was a strong reader, but its been a
journey or challenge to maintain that ability, or something of the like. The body of the
paragraph is very well put together with instances of the challenges he took on in
maintaining his education.
3.
Is the thesis explicit or implicit? If its explicit, is the thesis too direct? No.
c.
At any point in the essay, do you feel lost or confused? No, I didnt feel lost or
confused at any point of Daves essay. It flows smoothly throughout the essay,
and I enjoyed reading it.

d.
After reading the whole paper, explain whether you think the introduction effectively
prepares the reader for the discussion or not. Dave did a great job grabbing my attention
within the first paragraph. I quite like the present tense writing style although I feel like
there were a few places in his essay where the tenses jumped around a bit. Im not a scholar
in this area, but I did my best at editing in Canvas.
Body Paragraphs
1. Do the body paragraphs support the thesis? Yes, very much so. The examples given between contrasting
emotion were great.
2.

Is there information that does not seem relevant to the stated thesis/purpose? No.

3. Does one point/section logically lead to the next point? Are transitions used effectively? Yes, his essay flows
smoothly.

4.
Are there any paragraphs that should be either deleted or moved to another section of
the paper? No.

Conclusion
1.
Does the concluding section sum upwithout being repetitivethe major
points/conclusions of the paper?Yes.
2.

After reading the entire essay, are the following required elements included?
Engaging Introduction Yes.
Does the conclusion refer to the introduction? Yes.

Use of Vivid Details and a Significant Point

1.
Are there any unnecessary unnecessary explanations that would be better told through
showing rather than telling? No.
2.
What does the theme, lesson, or insight seem to be? The effect of the support or lack
there of from Daves parents as well as colleagues in regard to his education; How these
influences affected his motivation to learn and persevere.
3.
Does the insight seem too obvious or too general? No. I actually enjoyed reading
Daves essay very much. I caused me to introspect on my own responsibilities as a
parent.

Style, Mechanics, and MLA Guidelines

1.

Are there any words that are clich, used too often, or meaningless? No.

2.

Does the writer use the second person pronoun you? If so, circle it. No

3. Does the author use phrases such as I think and/or I believe? If so, draw a line through the phrase to
determine if it is necessary. Sometimes, my suggestions are made through the Crocodoc software in Canvas.

4. MLA Guidelines-All MLA guidelines were followed, except for the name/page number in the upper right
corner of each page.

Heading
1 margins
Double-spaced throughout
Page numbers in upper right-hand corner

How near to completion is this draft? It is nearly complete. The revision process needs to be done, but Dave
did really well for himself in my opinion.
5.