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Olivia Wilder
Professor Johnson
Personal Manifesto Paper
30 September 2012
Something New
Growing up in my family with ten siblings has given me a deep sense of what community
and relationship should be. Because there is a continual understanding about the dynamic of my
familys interactions, I have been content to nest in the safety my family relationships offer me.
At some point, I believe it is necessary to ask if these comfortable relationships have become
stale. One of the challenges of having such a tight-knit family is that day-to-day life can become
so routine and stagnant that there is no longer any fresh interaction. We tend to push the same
buttons and react in predictable ways towards each other. When I came to Wheaton, I began to
ask myself: How was I being challenged and challenging those around me? For me, learning to
become a more whole and effective Christian involves the breaking down of my preconceived
ideas of how to live in relationship with others and allowing myself to be receptive to all that
God has to teach me.
In order to create something new, one must inspect and evaluate the old. This all begins
with an examination of conscious thoughts and feelings. I am learning that my true desire is to
become the woman Christ intends. I often go through life on a surface level, not wanting to dive
into how I really feel about things people say or situations in which I have been wrong. Living

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like this is damaging to the soul. We should not be content to bury our feelings or ideas; they
need to be addressed in order for us to be transformed into who Christ desires us to be. I want to
not only inspect the way in which I think, but also be purposeful about observing my human
interactions and relationships. In Pastor John Ortbergs book Everybodys Normal Till You Get
to Know Them, he writes about our longing as people for human connection. Ortberg warns that
this human connection is a matter of life and death, saying, We were created to draw life and
nourishment from one another the way the roots of an oak tree draw life from the soil.
Communityliving in vital connectedness with othersis essential to human life (21). I have
found this longing for connectedness to be so deeply true in my own soul that when it is hindered
or stifled, I can do nothing but cry out in pain. The last, but possibly most important thing to
examine when considering the person as a whole, is a deep evaluation of daily interactions and
my pursuit of Christ. I have noticed that throughout my life there have been a series of waves in
my relationship with Christ. There have been times when I have felt extremely close to God and
moments where it has seemed that my Heavenly Father is millions of miles away. The point is
that its not about how close God feels, but the fact that He is constantly there. My desire is to
fully rely on God, to attain a daily joy and peace that cannot be touched.
One of the most difficult places to be is in a stage of purification, and yet, we must be
purified and cleansed in order to be made new. The process of purification begins by learning to
hold thoughts, ideas, and relationships loosely so that God can begin to change them into
something greater. It is an immense challenge to attempt to release the ideas and expectations I
have gripped in my hands for so long. I have always expected things to be in order, to line up
with my beliefs, and to go along with my plans for life, but God has a different strategy. I am
learning at Wheaton that my calling at this point in life is to be a student; to learn how to use the

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gifts with which God has equipped me and not to follow my plans, but His. The idea of viewing
the students calling as the wise John Milton did, as a process of redemption and purification, is
one of the most important things I need to grasp. This process is not something that can happen
all at once; it takes time, prayer, and healthy guidance. I am reminded of the words in Psalm 51:
Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow. This
has so often been my prayer, but in praying for purification, we need to be prepared to change
the way we are living so that we may truly be made pure.
Another way God seems to be purifying me is in the way I view my physical body. I
have been learning throughout the past few years what it means to give complete control of my
body to Christ. Ive been suffering with ulcerative colitis for almost three years, which causes
pain and stress and forces me to trust God for my health and well-being. I am also learning more
about surrendering my ideals of my physical appearance to Christ. This is an ongoing struggle
for me. I want to be completely open to all that has been set before me, but I feel as though there
is so much of my life that I cant completely let go of. God has proven to be faithful through all
of this, despite my constant failings and doubts. My desire is to relent to Gods persistent
knocking on my heart, to give Him the opportunity to turn me into something new.
A key aspect of developing a disciplined lifestyle as a student is creating new routines.
Stepping into a new place like a university provides the possibility of a fresh start. When I am
no longer surrounded by my old temptations or habits, there is a choice to be made: new routine
and positive habits can be formed or I can allow old ideas and behaviors to creep back in.
Pressing myself to look practically at a new routine for my daily life and think in new ways are
important steps in creating fresh patterns. Pastor John Ortberg introduces another important idea
in his book The Life Youve Always Wanted, warning us about the difference between training

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and trying. He gives the example of training for a marathon. We cannot run a marathon by
simply trying; we must train, and train hard in order to succeed. In order to face any great
challenge in life, there needs to not only be a desire to achieve, but the ability to train. Its easy
to say that we should establish new habits and routines, but putting them into practice takes a
whole other level of discipline.
One of the things I most anticipated when coming to Wheaton College was the
community and friendships that I expected to build. Allowing myself to build strong
relationships and creating a community of accountability is a huge part of nourishing a growing
soul. Having a select few individuals who can help challenge and encourage growth is
something that is rare and extremely valuable. My expectations were challenged when I came to
Wheaton. I had to re-evaluate the way I viewed my relationships and which ones I found to be
lasting. I was a bit shocked to find that I didnt make friends as easily as I thought I would.
What Im starting to realize is that its okay to not have a large circle of acquaintances. Building
true relationships with people takes time and effort. No relationship should come without some
sacrifice of time or emotional input on our part. Once a relationship has begun to form, the
balance of both feeding and being fed must be established. There are specific times in our lives
where we long to be poured into, to be loved, and to be truly valued by those around us. There
are also times where we feel as though we are so full of this inexpressible joy and love that we
are able to pour into the lives of those who need it most. The balance between these two points
in a relationship is an important thing to understand. Without the knowledge that we are safe to
express ourselves and receive support, our relationships would not be things of value.
Now is a time to realize my calling as a student, to know that I have been fully equipped
to face the challenges my Father has set before me, and to rejoice in them. One of the largest

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challenges I am facing right now is learning how to balance these aspects of my life at Wheaton
College. If I can find the strength through Christ to rejoice in this time, not to think of it as a
stress-filled season, but a season of purification and renewal, I believe that I can begin to
transform into the person I was created to be. I have been designed and created to glorify Christ
through my life on this earth and He has fully equipped me to do His work. There need not be
this sense of dread or stress when thinking about what we are called to do. God has placed each
of His children exactly where He wants them to be and He is working in each season, situation,
and relationship. This time as a student is a stage on which we can find the desire to live out a
life of intensity, and to pursue that for the glory of God.

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Work Cited
Ortberg, John. Everybody's Normal till You Get to Know Them. (21) Grand Rapids, MI:
Zondervan, 2003. Print.

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