The Top 25 NLP

Coaching Tips

Jamie Smart

www.saladltd.co.uk
2008 Jamie Smart

Contents
Changing the Frame - Part One............................................................................3
Changing the Frame - Part Two ...........................................................................5
Power Chunking.................................................................................................7
Rapid Belief Change..........................................................................................10
Coaching Language Magic Part One..................................................................12
Coaching Language Magic Part Two................................................................. 14
Coaching Language Magic Part Three............................................................... 16
Coaching Language Magic Part Four.................................................................18
How To Get Your Message Heard .......................................................................20
Connecting with Rapport ..................................................................................23
The Power of Beliefs.........................................................................................26
How to Get What You Want Part One............................................................... 29
How to Get What You Want Part Two............................................................... 31
The Magic Minute - Part One..............................................................................33
The Magic Minute - Part Two - Your Key for Cracking the Unconscious Code............ 35
The Magic Minute - Part Three - Literal Magic with NLP..........................................37
Hypnotic Language in Action - How To Use Conversational Timelines...................... 40
The Hidden Power of Meaning............................................................................43
Secrets of NLP Coaching - Part One Instant Rapport Through Language............... 45
Secrets of NLP Coaching - Part Two - Instant Rapport Through State...................... 47
Secrets of NLP Coaching Part Three How to Get Leverage for Rapid Change....... 49
Secrets of NLP Coaching - Part Four Your Most Powerful Coaching Tools.............. 51
Secrets of NLP Coaching Part Five The Information-Gathering Frame.................53
Secrets of NLP Coaching - Part Six - How To Ask Questions with Purpose................ 55
Secrets of NLP Coaching Part Seven The Magic Minute and How You Can Use It. 57
More Information............................................................................................. 59
About the Author..............................................................................................62
Acknowledgements...........................................................................................62

www.saladltd.co.uk
2008 Jamie Smart

Changing the Frame - Part One

Im going to tell you about one of the most powerful approaches for changing
peoples minds that there is reframing!
I once worked for a company that was having a large & expensive new computer
system installed. The system was put in before Christmas, but it was a massive
task, with numerous issues & overruns. As Christmas approached, there were
still a number of teething problems, which led to stretched relations between the
system supplier & the client company.
At one meeting, the client manager involved had been trying to get more persondays from the system supplier, only to be told that their people werent going to
be available on Christmas day. The client manager was furious, asking What are
you doing thats more important than sorting out our system!? Without missing
a beat, the system supplier said Delivering toys to sick children. The impact
was immediate; everyone in the room started laughing & the client manager
joined them, realising that hed perhaps been a bit unreasonable. Everyone knew
that the toy story wasnt true, but that didnt matter the statement (albeit in
dubious taste) had changed his perception of the situation, instantly, & he started
behaving more reasonably.
Changing the context
There used to be an ad for the Guardian newspaper, which showed a set of still
photographs arranged in an action sequence. The photographs showed a burly
man with a shaved head, wearing denims & boots, running along the pavement.
In the first frame you see him running towards an elderly woman; in the second
frame, you watch as he knocks her violently into the street; in the third frame
you see him make his escape, another thug terrorising the elderly.
Then you turn the page, & see some wide angle shots. In the wide-angle shots,
you see the woman walking under a scaffolding where a cement mixer is about to
topple off. A quick-thinking man sees whats happening & runs towards the
woman, pushing her clear of the scaffolding. A moment later, the cement mixer
crashes to the ground in the spot where she was standing. The thug has saved
her life.
By changing the frame, whoever created the advert had changed the context of
the mans actions. Suddenly, what was obviously criminal became altruistic. His
actions were transformed in a moment.
One of the presuppositions of NLP is that every behaviour is useful or valuable in
some context. Its simply a matter of finding the context that makes it useful.
This is a process referred to as context reframing.
Every behaviour is useful in the right context
For any behaviour, no matter how bizarre, its possible to find a context where its
useful. Once you find such a context, the simple fact of presenting the behaviour
in that context can reframe it.

www.saladltd.co.uk
2008 Jamie Smart

1)

Identify a complaint, either about yourself or someone else, with the

structure Im too [x]. or Shes too [y]. (Eg. Im too impatient, Hes
too lazy., Shes too noisy.)

2)

Ask yourself In what contexts would the characteristic being complained

about have value?

3)

Come up with several answers to this question, and then craft it into a
reframe.

For example:
Im too impatient
I bet youre quick-thinking in an emergency.
Shes too noisy

Shed be good to have around if we were trying to scare bears away.

Hes too lazy
Weve had so many problems with fools rushing in its good to have
someone whos not going to act first & think later.
Now, I know these are a bit crap, but they dont have to be that useful at this
stage; its more important that you give yourself the freedom to be creative so
your brain gets the pattern of what youre doing.
4)

Come up with reframes for any complaints that you (or others) have about
yourself. This can be a lot of fun if you do it with someone else. (ie. you
say Im too [x] then they generate reframes.)

When reframing something someone says, rapport is important (otherwise

reframing can seem like a very focused & deliberate attempt to annoy someone.)
5)

Once you get the hang of it, start looking for opportunities to use context
reframing each day (start with low-risk ones.)

Business Essentials:
One of the most powerful ways to use reframing is when people have objections
(whether youre selling a product, a service, an idea, or yourself.) When you
reframe someones objection, you can remove or alter its power. I once heard
the objection Im worried What if I train my people and then they leave. The
response: Even worse, what if you dont train your people and they stay.
When you find a way to change the context of someones objection, it alters the
way they perceive it. This can be an extremely effective way to eliminate
objections entirely.
6)

List the objections you get most frequently & generate a number of context
reframes for each one. Then, look forward with a sense of anticipation to
the next time someone offers that objection. Remember rapport!

www.saladltd.co.uk
2008 Jamie Smart

Changing the Frame - Part Two

In Part One, I talked about how you can use context reframing to change
someones perceptions. In fact, Jon Parry-McCulloch sent in this great example:
My dad was 80 last April. A neighbour said to him "So, what's it like waking up
on your 80th birthday, Jack?" To which dad replied "Better than not waking up
on your 80'th birthday".
In this part, well be playing with content reframing. If a footballer kicks the ball
into his teams net, its called an own goal, but if a soldier accidentally shoots
one of his fellow soldiers, its called friendly fire (Sounds kind of cuddly, doesnt
it? But dont get any onya.) George Orwells 1984 had plenty of examples of
content reframing (eg. the ministries of peace & truth) that live on today in many
forms (a peacekeeper missile, anyone?)
Content reframing involves changing the meaning of something.
1)

Identify a complaint a complaint or issue with the structure I feel [X] when
[Y] happens. (Eg. I feel annoyed when he argues with me or I feel
frustrated when I make mistakes)

2)

Ask yourself What else could this (Y) mean?, What else could this (X)
mean? or What else could this situation mean?

3)

Come up with several answers to these, and then craft a reframe.

For example:
I feel upset when I see the mess these kids have made
Its good that they can be in the moment without worrying about a few
things being out of place.
A little untidiness is a small price to pay for happy children.
The fact that its messy means theyre expressing their creativity.
Obviously, if you were to offer these reframes to someone whos in annoyed or
frustrated state, it would be a good idea to get in rapport with them first, &
choose your words carefully.
Like last week, these arent the most amazing reframes in the world, but they
dont have to be that useful at this stage; its more important that you give
yourself the freedom to be creative so your brain gets the pattern of what youre
doing.
4)

Come up with reframes for any complaints or issues that you can identify
for yourself or others. This can be a lot of fun if you take turns doing it
with someone else. (ie. you say I feel [X] when [Y] happens then they
generate reframes.)

5)

Once you get the hang of it, start looking for opportunities to use content
reframing each day.

www.saladltd.co.uk
2008 Jamie Smart

Business Essentials:
Content reframing is also very powerful for dealing with objections of all sorts.
For example, a reframe I sometimes use when someone objects to the price of
training is to say something like this:
Is it price thats important to you, or are you more interested in
i*n*v*e*s*t*m*e*n*t. See, if you pay a low price for poor quality training, the
cost is high, because youve paid out & havent got the result. But when you pay
a premium price for top quality training, & it gets you the results you want, then
all you need to do is confirm that this i*n*v*e*s*t*m*e*n*t makes sense.
Yes, with me reframing is one of my main tools in dealing with any objections
that come up.
6)

List the objections you get most frequently & generate a number of content
reframes for each one (if you did this last week for context reframing, you
can use the same list). Then, look forward with a sense of anticipation to
the next time someone offers that objection. Remember rapport!

www.saladltd.co.uk
2008 Jamie Smart

Power Chunking
One of the old chestnuts of NLP is the famous 7 plus or minus 2 rule the idea
that the conscious mind can only keep track of between 5 & 9 discrete pieces of
information at one time. Your unconscious can keep track of bujillions of things
simultaneously (apparently), while your conscious mind is more step-by-step, &
has a fairly narrow focus. (By the way, this isnt necessarily true, but it can be a
useful way of thinking about things.)
Here are a few things you can do to test the extent of your conscious mind:
Without writing them down
-

Name as many chocolate bars as you can

Name as many TV shows as you can
Name as many pop groups (or classical composers) as you can

Many people run out of steam when they get to ten, ostensibly because of the
7+-2 rule. The bottom line is, when the conscious mind is presented with more
than 9 pieces of information, it gets overloaded. So before you send me a rude
email telling me off for pointing out the limits of the conscious mind, would you
like to know how you can use this to your advantage?
When you bear the 7+-2 rule in mind, you can start to organise things so that
you work with your conscious mind, playing to its strengths. For instance, if you
have a to-do list.

Take control of your to-do list

Many people have a to-do list with 20 or more items on it. This is a recipe for
total overwhelm (at which point they resort to looking for the easiest or funnest
thing on the list to do.) The following process can help you get a handle on your
to-do list really fast:
1)

Scan through the list, looking for items that can be grouped together into
categories.

For example, heres a bunch of the stuff on my list for this week:
Write NLP tip
Bank cheques
Finish writing training manuals
Prepare for client meeting
Write marketing info
Final preparation for new course
Collect training manuals
Read business book
Run invoicing process
Make follow-up calls
Prepare for teambuilding session
Write marketing material
Read new web-page copy
Book training course for me
Review new CD covers
Meet PR people
www.saladltd.co.uk
2008 Jamie Smart

Do proposal
Read e-book
New course blurb
Meet with prospective administrator
Clear inbox
The first thing on the list is Write NLP Tip for me, the NLP tip is one of my
products, so I write Product beside it. Next is Bank Cheques thats part of
our cashflow system, so I write Systems beside it. Pretty soon, every item on
my list is in a category:
Write NLP tip
Bank cheques
Finish writing training manuals
Prepare for client meeting
Write marketing info
Final preparation for new course
Collect training manuals
Read business book
Run invoicing process
Make follow-up calls
Prepare for teambuilding session
Write marketing material
Read new web-page copy
Book training course for me
Review new CD covers
Meet PR people
Do proposal
Read e-book
New course blurb
Meet with prospective administrator
Clear inbox

Product
Systems
Training
Marketing
Marketing
Training
Training
Leadership
Systems
Marketing
Training
Marketing
Marketing
People
Products
Marketing
Marketing
Products
Marketing
Systems
Systems

Great! Ive gone from a list of 21 items (instant overwhelm) to a list of 6

categories (manageably within my 7+-2 limit.)
-

Products
Systems
Training
Marketing
People
Leadership

This is called chunking, & is one of the most effective ways of dealing with any
large or complex set of tasks (or set of anything else). You may say Great, but
Ive got 200 things on my to-do list. It doesnt matter the same principles
apply. If you go through your to-do list & only manage to whittle it down from
200 items to 20 categories, thats OK go through the 20 categories & see where
they group together. The key is to have no more than 9 categories at each level
this way your conscious mind can keep track of it.
2)

Start to manage your to-do list by the high-level categories.

You can use this in all sorts of areas to make things more manageable, for
instance:
-

To-do lists
www.saladltd.co.uk
2008 Jamie Smart

The filing system on your computer

Your filing cabinet
Any project youre doing

One of the things this allows you to do is notice very quickly if theres a specific
area where you havent been taking much action lately very useful for helping
focus on what needs attention.

Business Essentials:
I used to manage large business projects, complex ventures involving
organisational change, new systems, & hundreds of people. The second thing Id
do when starting a new project was figure out the big categories we needed to
take action in (the first thing I did was to find out what was wanted & how wed
know wed got it!)
A colleague once came to me after having been appointed as a manager of
special projects. Hed been given about 20 different projects to move forward, &
was totally overwhelmed. He asked me to help him figure out what to do.
I spent an hour with him, going through the process detailed above. All we did
was figure out the 5 or 6 big categories that his 20 projects fitted into, & all of a
sudden, he felt enthusiastic, energised & ready to begin. All that had changed
was wed used 7+-2 to his advantage, instead of against him. Chunking works!

www.saladltd.co.uk
2008 Jamie Smart

Rapid Belief Change

Back when I first started learning NLP, I was struck by the awesome power of
stories for communication and change. I wished that I could tell stories like the
people Id heard, but I had a problem: I didnt see myself as a storyteller, and
didnt think that my life had contained enough interesting experiences to turn into
stories.
Weve been exploring how you can use language skilfully as part of the coaching
process. One of the things that is widely acknowledged as being critical to
successful change is belief. If someone doesnt believe something is possible,
they are unlikely to bring it about. And the most powerful beliefs? Beliefs about
identity. The belief that I was not a storyteller might have been true, but it wasnt
particularly useful. I determined to change my belief.
The first thing I did was wrote I am a masterful storyteller on an index card,
and put it in my pocket. Every day, on the way to work, I would look at the card
and remind myself. I also started making a list of stories I knew, and of
interesting experiences Id had. I began to take opportunities to tell people
stories, and studied the structure of storytelling. I even experimented with using
stories and metaphors in business meetings, and observed the powerful effects
they often had.
There are many NLP techniques for changing beliefs, including my personal
favourite, Sleight of Mouth (this fantastic conversational belief change skill is one
of the things we cover in-depth on Master Practitioner training). But one of the
most powerful ways of changing your own beliefs is a variation on the new-age
idea of affirmations. Do this:
1)

Identify a limiting belief youd like to change.

Everybodys got them. Even if you sorted out all your beliefs years ago, life is in a
continual state of flux, and last years empowering insights can be this years
tired mantras. Examples Ive come across include:
-

I cant start my own business

Ill always be overweight
I dont ever have enough money
Attractive, single men arent interested in me
I cant be happy because Im manic depressive

I call these beliefs negative affirmation. In the NLP world, some people make fun
of affirmations and say they dont work. I accepted this received wisdom until Id
been working with clients for a while, and noticed that they all used affirmations
very effectively. They just used really lousy ones! (See the list above). The
negative affirmations they used seemed to be highly effective in bringing about
exactly what they affirmed!
2)

Construct a positive affirmation using the following form: I am xxxxx.

The keys to creating what I call power affirmations are as follows:

- Make them positive (What you want, not what you dont want)
- Make them identity-based (I)
- Make them present-tense (I am...)
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2008 Jamie Smart

10

- Make them emotionally powerful

Power affirmations based on the list from above would be as follows:
-

I
I
I
I
I

am a fantastically successful entrepreneur

am slim, fit and healthy
am wealthy and always have a surplus of money
attract gorgeous, single, available men effortlessly
am blissfully happy and full of joy

I know what youre thinking: thats not reality. Yet, the same was probably true
of the limiting belief when you first started affirming it. It takes time for a belief
to put down roots, so something you can do to plant it in your unconscious mind
and help it to grow is
3)

Say your new affirmation, notice what thoughts and feelings are triggered
and accept them.

Im assuming that the first time you say your new affirmation, it will not seem
true to you (if it does, fantastic!) It is likely that youll have certain sensations
and thoughts, so allow yourself to be aware of any pictures that pop into your
mind, voices in your head, and feelings in your body. Of all of these, it is usually
the feelings that keep an old belief in place and that push against the new one
coming in. But you can relax you dont have to fight those feelings; just accept
them.
Feelings dont mean anything (aside from the stories we tell ourselves about
them). Feelings are just sensations in the body. So accept them, maybe even
saying to yourself OK, this is what Im feeling. Then wait a minute or so and
say your affirmation again. You will probably find that the feelings and thoughts
have changed in some way. Great! This is a sign that things are moving. Repeat
this process several times, each time accepting the thoughts and feelings that
come up.
Acceptance is the WD40 of rapid change. Ive been practicing acceptance with
myself and my clients for the last few years, and have seen near-miracles take
place just by applying this simple principle.
4)

Reinforce your new belief by repeating your affirmation daily, allowing

yourself to feel how youll feel when its true, and by noticing proof that
supports it.

Personally, when I want to take on a particularly thorny new belief, I do a number

of things to reinforce it, including:
- Writing it out every day
- Saying it aloud while looking in a mirror
- Imagining how Ill feel when its true, and then feeling that way already
This may not be the most elegant approach to belief change, but it does have a
major advantage over some other approaches: its simple and it works!

www.saladltd.co.uk
2008 Jamie Smart

11

Coaching Language Magic Part One

Ive been preparing for The Secrets of Hypnosis this weekend, and came across
one of my favourite hypnosis books, Monsters and Magical Sticks, by Terry Steele
and Steven Heller. The introduction is by Robert Anton Wilson, and in it he tells
the story of the bata scoir.
The bata scoir is the name of a stick which used to sit in the corner of Irish
classrooms in the early days of British rule. Its purpose was this: whenever a
child spoke in Irish (rather than English), they would be beaten with the bata
scoir. Within a few generations, the number of Irish speakers fell from 100%
(circa 1800) to 5% (circa 1900).
The British knew something very powerful: that a great deal of a peoples culture
and heritage are contained within their language. Install a new language, and its
associated culture will soon follow (just as the old one will diminish as the old
language is destroyed).
In the world of computer programming, there are things you can do using one
programming language that you cannot do using another. The programming
language (combined with the imagination and skill of the programmer) defines
the domain of what actions are possible.
Ever since I was a little child, Ive loved language. And while I didnt imagine that
language would become such a large part of my life as it does today, I always
had an affinity for words. I love the way they look, the way they sound, and the
amazing things you can do with them.
What I didnt realize until much more recently is that words shape our reality; to
a great extent, the language we use programs the reality we experience (see
Quantum Psychology by Robert Anton Wilson for a fascinating, in-depth and
reality-stretching exploration of this topic).
The Map Is Not The Territory
One of the presuppositions of NLP is that the map is not the territory. As human
beings, we dont experience the world directly, but rather through the maps and
models of reality that we have created in our nervous systems. This is why the L
in NLP is so powerful and important. The language a person uses is a reflection of
their maps and models of reality, and reveals aspects of those maps and models
which the person themselves is not aware of. When their models change, their
experience of reality changes. Language is a lever for changing those models, and
thus changing a persons reality. Please read that again:
The language a person uses is a reflection of their maps and models of reality,
and reveals aspects of those maps and models which the person themselves is
not aware of. When their models change, their experience of reality changes.
Language is a lever for changing those models, and thus changing a persons
reality.
You can use language to change your (or someone elses) reality.
This fact makes language one of the most powerful tools for coaching yourself
and others. The full NLP linguistic set is often undertaught, and yet is one of the
most powerful toolsets there is for making change possible (Ive heard Richard
www.saladltd.co.uk
2008 Jamie Smart

12

Bandler say that the NLP linguistic tool The Meta Model is the starting point for
everything hes discovered in the field of NLP).
Time for an exercise:
1)

Think of something you want (Eg. I want a new car / a new job / to learn
French etc). Say it out loud, and notice how you feel. Then say it in the
following ways, paying attention to your internal experience each time:
-

I should (Eg. I should get a new car)

I ought to (Eg. I ought to get a new car)
Ive got to (Eg. Ive got to get a new car)
I have to (Eg. I have to get a new car)
I must (Eg. I must get a new car)

How was your experience different as you said it in these different ways? Did any
one way make it seem more likely to happen, or seem more possible?
2)

This time, express the same desires, but starting the sentences in the
following ways. Again, pay attention to your internal experience each
time:
-

Id like to (Eg. Id like to get a new car)

I might (Eg. I might get a new car)
I may (Eg. I may get a new car)
I could (Eg. I could get a new car)
I will (Eg. I will get a new car)

How was your experience different as you said it in these ways? Did you find one
way of saying it that felt better than the others? Many people find that the words
from the second list (which relate to possibility) are more motivational than the
words from the first list (which relate to necessity). If you found one way of
saying it which made you feel more likely to do the things that will move you
towards what you want, Id like to ask you a question. What happens when you
imagine using this way of saying it for everything you desire in your life? Its just
a thought :-)

www.saladltd.co.uk
2008 Jamie Smart

13

Coaching Language Magic Part Two

In Part One, we started exploring the power of language to alter a persons
experience of reality, looking specifically at modal operators (words like have
to, need to, can & could).
Last Friday, I ran an NLP Coaching Language Masterclass, and started the day
by asking What is language? I looked at many definitions of language, and the
common theme seemed to be that language is a system of symbols (including
gestures, utterances and markings) used to communicate ideas, concepts and
feelings.
What is less well known is the extent to which the language we use shapes our
perceptions of the world. You can use language to quite literally change the way a
person perceives reality.
On the coaching language course, we explored some of my favourite ways of
using language with intention, so I thought wed start looking at some of them
today.
Setting the frame
When Im coaching someone, I do various things to set the frame in a general,
positive way before setting / eliciting a specific direction for the interaction. I got
this idea from a book which said something like The fact that youre reading this
means you can easily incorporate these new ideas into your life. I set the frame
by saying things like this:
- The fact that youve arrived means youll be able to make whatever changes
you want in your life.
- Youve come today, which means youre committed to learning something new,
which means youll be able to develop all the skills youll be learning easily.
- Your decision to come on this programme will cause you to develop amazing
new skills and abilities, with an ease which may surprise you.
The logicians among you will recognise that these statements wouldnt pass a
logic test, but the unconscious mind isnt too stringent about logic. If the person
accepts the statement as true (and they usually do), then the unconscious will act
accordingly. The structure of these frame-setting statements is this:
X means Y
A causes B
1)

Think about the coaching situations in your life. What frame-setting

statement can you use to create a powerful context for the coaching
interaction?

Who do you want to positively influence? It could be actual coaching clients, other
clients, employees, friends, family etc. As you take a few moments to think about
the situation, you can start to become aware of some ideas you could use. One of
my favourites for almost any training situation is something like this:

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2008 Jamie Smart

14

You learned to walk and talk, and you dont even know how you did it. That
means that the things youll be learning today are going to be really
straightforward for you.
2)

Once youve identified some frame-setting statements, decide to try them

out and notice what response you get.

I use these all the time, and the ONLY time I get rumbled is by experienced NLP
Practitioners (and even then, its usually only the ones Ive trained to pay close
attention to language). One of the things you start to find after you spend some
time on a training course with me or listen to some Salad CDs is that it becomes
a lot more fun to listen. Sometimes my assistants and more experienced students
have trouble keeping a straight face on trainings when Im embedding commands
etc in seemingly innocent stories and sentences.

www.saladltd.co.uk
2008 Jamie Smart

15

Coaching Language Magic Part Three

In Part Two, we explored frame-setting, a way of creating a general direction for
a coaching interaction (or any other interaction for that matter). In this part,
were going to discuss setting a specific direction for the session.
I was working with my master practitioner group last weekend, and I asked them
to do an exercise which involved getting each other to imagine a life beyond their
wildest dreams. An important part of NLP is discovering what a person wants, but
there are many ways to help a person discover that information. One of our
Master Practitionersin-training is from the Czech Republic, and came up with the
following approach for eliciting the information. The interaction went like this:
Imagine that you are fishing. You feel a tug on the line, and out of the water
comes a golden fish, which says I can grant you three wishes. Tell me your
hearts desire?
This approach worked really well to elicit the What do you want information, and
I was thinking about the reasons why:
a) The subject started visualising very quickly (the word imagine combined with
the fishing story pretty much guarantees that). Visualisation helps to access the
unconscious mind, and activate your unconscious resources, including creativity
etc.
b) The talking fish granting three wishes is an invitation to age-regress (most
adults dont openly discuss wish-granting sea creatures in their day-to-day lives).
Age-regression helps people access a time in their life when you have a greater
sense of wonder, possibility and freedom.
c) When a person is given three wishes, it can remove the need for what they
want to be realistic (or even possible). This can help get to what you really want,
at the deepest level.
So, the first exercise:
1)

Imagine that you are fishing. You feel a tug on the line, and out of the
water comes a golden fish, which says I can grant you three wishes. Tell
me your hearts desire? What would you choose?

Finding out what someone wants sets a direction for the coaching session. Other
ways of finding this out include the following:
-

The Miracle Question (see previous NLP Tips)

What do you want?
What have you come here for?
What can I do for you?
Whats the problem?

All of these have different presuppositions (Whats the problem presupposes

that the person has some problem theyve come to solve, and may not be useful
in many situations, but in some it is. Frank Farrelly, creator of Provocative
Therapy, uses this question as his starting point).
My fave is still What do you want?, but the others all have value in different
situations.
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Once you know what someone wants, you can further clarify their goal using
other queries (see NLP Tips 1 & 2, below).
http://www.saladltd.co.uk/salad%20pages/Nlp%20tips/nlp_tip_1.htm
http://www.saladltd.co.uk/salad%20pages/Nlp%20tips/nlp_tip_2.htm
The key is to help a person get a clear idea of how they would like things to be.
Once you have this, you have a direction for the process.

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Coaching Language Magic Part Four

In Part Three, we explored direction-setting, acknowledging the goal-seeking
nature of human neurology, and setting a specific direction for a coaching
session. In this part, well be looking at information gathering.
Information gathering?!? I hear you ask. How dull. But wait. According to NLP
co-developer Richard Bandler, 95% of NLP is information-gathering.
I often get emails from people asking things like What technique do you use to
help a one-eyed mother of four overcome her inexplicable fear of dwarves which
emerges when shes doing the dishes? The technique I use iswatch and listen.
I believe that when youre working with someone and you have the attention of
their unconscious mind (rapport), the unconscious will do everything within its
power to tell you exactly what you need to know in order to help the person make
he necessary changes. The coachs role involves having the sensory acuity to
intercept those messages from the unconscious. So how are those messages
sent?
-

Body language
Gestures
Eye movements
Throw-away comments
Sensory language
Ambiguities
Organ language
etc

Id like you to consider the possibility that your clients are offering you a wealth
of clues to help them find solutions to their problems and the paths to their
desires.
95% of NLP is information-gathering. Watch and listen.
Of course, sometimes you need to stimulate a persons nervous system in order
to gather the necessary information. And how do you stimulate their nervous
system? Questions.
And the most useful set of questions out there isThe Meta Model.
The Meta Model (created by Bandler and Grinder) is the most powerful set of
questions there is for helping people enrich their maps of the world. Bandler
credits it as being the tool which helped them create all the other NLP models.
While teaching the Meta Model is beyond the scope of this NLP Tip, it is one of the
things we learn on the NLP Practitioner training. By the time you finish that
training, the Meta Model questions have been wired in as a natural part of your
responses, so you know automatically which questions to ask.
Astonishingly (to me) the Meta Model is not taught in depth on most Practitioner
trainings these days. This is because its traditional seen as being difficult, but
its not! On our practitioner training you learn the Meta Model quickly and easily
using games which make it fun. The great thing is, by the time you realise how
easily you can do it, the learnings have already gone in.

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If you want to have access to one of the most powerful linguistic resources there
is, as well as 100 other skills and an extraordinary experience, have a look at the
details of our practitioner training: http://www.saladltd.co.uk/Practitioner.htm

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2008 Jamie Smart

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How To Get Your Message Heard

We live in a busy world, and there are thousands of messages vying for peoples
mental bandwidth each day. There is more and more competition for each
persons attention, so you may be wondering how you can increase the odds that
the messages you send will reach their targets.
In last weeks tip, we looked at ways to use the natural phenomenon of rapport
to meet people at their model of the world through our behaviour. This week we
will discuss the meta-pattern of pacing and leading to explore how you can meet
people at their map of the world with language, before leading them somewhere
else.
Meet them at their map of the world
St Francis of Assisi spoke of seeking to understand before seeking to be
understood. A technique used in ancient Greece to settle disputes had those
involved state the oppositions case to the satisfaction of the opposition before
they stated their own case. Whenever you set out to influence someone, there is
great value in meeting them at their map of the world before you start the
process of leading them somewhere new.
In NLP, this process is referred to as pacing and leading; making statements (for
instance) about the current reality for an individual or group before directing
their attention somewhere else. For example
Every Friday at 7am, I go to a business networking group (BNI) where I get the
opportunity to do a 60 second commercial for services that I offer. I will often
start my commercial with something like the following:
"Were here at BNI, its Friday morning, and its early, and you may be wondering
what Im going to tell you about today because weve all come here for a
reason, and the reason is to build our businesses, so I know youre going to be
interested in helping me build mine etc "
On the face of it, this is a fairly ordinary intro, with nothing particularly notable
about this, but as you look more closely at the way the statements are
structured, you may begin to notice that there is a mixture of things that are
true and things that are more speculative.
True Pacing Statements
Were here
its Friday morning
its early
weve all come here for a reason
the reason is to build our businesses
Speculative Leading Statements
you may be wondering what Im going to tell you about today
I know youre going to be interested in helping me build mine
1) Practice making verifiably true statements about where you are right now (for
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instance, "I am sitting in my office, the sun is shining, its 2003, its Tuesday etc.)
Continue until you have made at least 10 statements.
We like a sense of the familiar, and as you sit here, making these statements
aloud, you may start to feel pleasantly relaxed. If its difficult to make the
statements aloud initially, write them down.
2) In a low-risk situation (eg. with a friend), practise making some pacing
comments to another person, and notice what effect they have (people will often
nod or say mmm-hmmm in response.)

Creatures of habit
What you are doing as you make the pacing statements is setting up a response
pattern of thats true in the other persons mind. Human beings are creatures of
habit - we like whats familiar. The human brain seeks pattern and, having
established a pattern, likes it to continue. When the brain has said thats true
three times, its likely to say it the fourth time.
When pacing and leading is done elegantly, it is possible to move from saying
mostly things which are verifiably true to saying mostly things which are made
up without the listener(s) noticing the transition. The overall shape / structure is
as follows:
Pace
Pace
Pace
Lead

pace pace - lead

pace lead lead
lead lead lead
lead lead lead (+an occasional pace for good measure)

3) Set yourself a goal for communication in a low-risk situation (eg. to persuade

the other person to go for a coffee.) Use pacing and leading to seamlessly lead
them to that goal.
Pacing and leading often sounds clunky at first, but as you practice it more and
more, youll begin to find yourself doing it spontaneously, without even planning
it consciously.
4) Begin to identify all the areas in your life where you can start using pacing &
leading to persuade others more effectively, then use it!
This approach may seem basic, but Ive used in hundreds of situations, including
getting the attention and interest of a hostile audience, winning the trust of a
sceptical client, and comforting a hurt child (and stopping them crying in under a
minute.) As usual, this is a powerful technique ensure you use it to help
yourself and others. When you are acting in someone elses best interests, it
comes across.
More advanced
You can use this technique to turn around situations that seem to oppose you
directly. I was once coaching someone in a large organisation who had been told
to see me by his boss. He started out by saying "Im normally sceptical of this
sort of thing, but you come highly recommended." My gut feeling was that he was
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still highly sceptical, despite his protestation. I said "Well you should be sceptical
about me." He looked puzzled and asked why. I said "Because until youve seen
for yourself just how quickly I can help you get great results, youve got no
reason to be anything other than sceptical." He relaxed immediately and we
began.
I met him at his map of the world, and threw in a double bind for good measure
(in order for him to be sceptical of me, he would have to be sceptical about what
I was telling him ("be sceptical"), so on some level he had to consider being
sceptical of his own scepticism. I know this is a bit confusing thats part of why
it works!) You can learn more about how to use double binds on NLP Mastery, my
master practitioner programme.

Summary
Pacing and leading is a powerful way to influence others
1) Practice making verifiably true statements about where you are right now (Eg.
I am sitting in my office, the sun is shining, its 2003, its Tuesday etc)
2) In a low-risk situation (eg. with a friend), practise making some pacing
comments to another person, and notice what effect they have (people will often
nod or say mmm-hmmm in response.)
3) Set yourself a goal for communication in a low-risk situation (eg. to persuade
the other person to go for a coffee.) Use pacing and leading to seamlessly lead
them to that goal.
4) Begin to identify all the areas in your life where you can start using pacing &
leading to persuade others more effectively.

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2008 Jamie Smart

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Connecting with Rapport

Researchers at Boston University Medical School studied films of people having
conversations. The researchers noticed that the people talking began
(unconsciously) to co-ordinate their movements (including finger movements, eye
blinks and head nods.) When they were monitored using electroencepholographs,
it was found that some of their brain waves were spiking at the same moment. As
the conversations progressed, these people were getting into rapport with each
other.
The phenomenon of rapport is well-known in the world of NLP and beyond as a
starting-point for influential communication. Its mentioned in countless NLP and
influence texts, and crops up in most sales training programs. Yet what is
rapport, and how can you use it to help yourself and others?

What is rapport?
Rapport has been described as what happens when we get the attention of
someones unconscious mind, and meet them at their map of the world. It is
more commonly understood as the sense of ease and connection that develops
when you are interacting with someone you trust and feel comfortable with.
Rapport emerges when people are in-sync with each other.
Rapport is an emergent property of the system (group), like a fit of the giggles or
a pregnant pause. As such, its not possible to cause or do rapport; you can
however massively increase the likelihood of rapport emerging when you are
communicating with another person.
Mirror, mirror
On a basic level, we like people who are like us. One way to help rapport to
develop is to mirror the micro-behaviours of those we wish to influence. Any
observable behaviour can be mirrored, for example:

Body posture

Hand gestures

Head tilt

Vocal qualities (pace, rhythm, tonality)

Key phrases

Blink rate

Facial expression

Energy level

Breathing rate

Anything else that you can observe

To mirror another person, merely select the behaviour or quality you wish to
mirror, then do that behaviour. If you choose to mirror head tilt, when the person
moves their head, wait a few moments, then move yours to the same angle. The
effect should be as though the other person is looking in a mirror. When this is
done elegantly, it is out of consciousness for the other person. However, a few
notes of caution are appropriate:

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Mirroring is not the same as mimicry. It should be subtle and respectful.

Mirroring can lead to you sharing the other persons experience. Avoid
mirroring people who are in distress or who have severe mental issues.
Mirroring can build a deep sense of trust quickly. You have a responsibility
to use it ethically.

1) Practise mirroring the micro-behaviours of people on television (chat shows &

interviews are ideal.) You may be surprised at how quickly you can become
comfortable as you subtly mirror the behaviours of others.

Pacing and leading

Pacing and leading is one of the keys to influencing people. It refers to meeting
them at their map of the world (pacing) and then taking them where you want
them to go (leading.) Rapport is a basic, behavioural signal that you have met
someone at their map of the world. The simplest, most effective test for rapport
is "if you lead, they follow."
2) Choose a safe situation to practise mirroring an element of someone elses
behaviour. When you have mirrored them for a while, and think you are in
rapport with the person, scratch your nose. If they lift their hand to their face
within the next minute or so, congratulate yourself you have led their
behaviour!
Skilled communicators have a wide range of behaviours they can mirror to build
rapport. You can find a way to mirror virtually anything you can observe.
3) Increase the range of behaviours that you can mirror, and introduce deliberate
rapport-building into situations where it will benefit you and others (nb. Use your
common sense and choose low-risk situations to practice in.)

More advanced
Many people (especially in sales) are familiar with rapport-building techniques
and are particularly aware of body posture mirroring. Cross-over matching
involves matching another persons behaviour with a different behaviour of your
own (eg. matching their breathing rate to your head tilt, or their eyeblinks to
your foot-taps.) This is a way of building rapport that is very difficult to detect,
and still highly effective.
Summary
Building rapport through mirroring is a powerful way to build a sense of trust and
connection
1) Practise mirroring the micro-behaviours of people on television (chat shows &
interviews are ideal.)
2) Choose a safe situation to practise mirroring an element of someone elses
behaviour.

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3) Increase the range of behaviours that you can mirror, and introduce deliberate
rapport-building into situations where it will benefit you and others (nb. Use your
common sense and choose low-risk situations to practice in.)

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2008 Jamie Smart

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The Power of Beliefs

In my experience there are several factors that can prevent people from getting
what they want in their lives, whether in business or in other areas:

Lack of clear goal & evidence

Not addressing the benefits of the current situation (aka. secondary gain)
Familiarity of the current situation (a particularly sneaky benefit)
Lack of belief and/or limiting beliefs

In Robert Anton Wilsons excellent book Prometheus Rising, he models the mind
as having two main parts; a thinker and a prover. The thinker is extremely
flexible, and can think any number of things. The thinker can think the earth is
flat; the thinker can think the earth is spherical. It can think all men are poison; it
can think all men are essentially good. The thinker can think that women are
intuitive and men are rational; it can think the opposite. It can think that there
isnt enough to go round; it can think we live in a world of unlimited abundance.
The thinker can think pretty much anything.
The prover is much more predictable: what the thinker thinks, the prover proves.
What the thinker thinks, the prover proves (WTTTTPP)
Whatever the thinker is thinking, the prover will sort for evidence to support it. If
a person thinks that all homeless people are lazy, the prover will sort through
their experience to find evidence to support that idea. If they think all homeless
people are victims, the prover will find evidence to support that idea. If a person
considers themselves to be stupid, the prover will find evidence to show that its
true. If a person thinks they are brilliant, the prover will show that to be true.
What the thinker thinks, the prover proves. While its easy to see that this is the
case for everyone else, its not so easy to recognise that its also the case for us.
While its easy to identify the ways in which someone else is limiting themselves,
the things we believe are really true arent they?
The power of beliefs
WTTTTPP is a simple way of understanding how beliefs operate in the human
nervous system. Beliefs are very powerful, helping us to get a sense of certainty
and direction in an unpredictable world. They are so powerful, in fact, that we
sometimes dont remember that theyre not necessarily true.
I used to be a project manager, employed to manage multi-million pound
business change & software projects for large companies. While it was a matter of
record that I was able to lead these large and complex programmes, I knew that
I could not go solo and succeed as a contractor. Two weeks after going on my
first NLP training, I handed in my notice and started my own business. What had
changed? My thinker started thinking something different, and my prover found
evidence to support it. So, with regard to a current goal you wish to achieve or
change you wish to make (or just for fun)
1) Write a list of 3 beliefs which have been limiting you.
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Sometimes, just the process of writing them down can allow you to begin to
realise that they are not really true. As you look at these beliefs, you may
become aware that, at one point in time, they were useful for helping you make
sense of the world. But perhaps theyve passed their use-by date now.
2) Underneath the list, write the heading Evidence. Start to find evidence that
these beliefs are false (get a friend to help you if you need to.) When evidence is
presented, leave decision & judgement to one side. Just write the evidence on the
evidence list.
Nature abhors a vacuum, so begin to think about what sort of beliefs youd like to
have instead of these.
3) Write a list of 3 useful, empowering beliefs that will help you achieve your goal
(or that youd just like to believe.) Remember to state them in the positive.
4) Write Evidence under this list, and start to find evidence that these beliefs are
true. When evidence is presented, leave decision & judgement to one side. Just
write the evidence on the evidence list.
I sometimes do a training exercise where I get people to shake hands with the
other trainees a) while imagining that the person they are shaking hands with is
going to be difficult to deal with, and then b) while imagining that the person they
are shaking hands with is a great friend who will help them in many ways. The
difference is always profound and it demonstrates (among other things) that what
you are thinking changes the signals you give off. Someone once asked "So, are
you suggesting we tell ourselves lies?" "Not quite", I said. "Im suggesting that
you change the lousy lies you are telling yourself to good ones, which support
you."
Milton Erickson, an extraordinary communicator and patron saint of NLP used to
say "You can pretend anything and master it." So
5) Pretend that the new positive beliefs are true.
Pretending is a big part of how Robert Deniro gets into role, how Jimi Hendrix
learned to be so good at guitar, and how you learned to walk. Its also part of
how Richard Bandler and John Grinder developed NLP, but thats another story.
Pretend until the pretense starts to seem real. While NLP has many new
approaches for structured belief change, this approach has been used throughout
history, is lots of fun and, best of all, you already know how to do it!
More advanced
In language, beliefs are structured as cause-effect statements (x causes y) and
complex equivalences (x means the same as y). When youre working with
individuals, theyll rarely offer you the full belief statement. Instead, youll get a
fragment (Eg. "Ill never be able to boogie".)
To recover the missing portion of the belief statement, you can ask the question
"How do you know?" In order to answer it, theyll run the internal strategy
associated with the belief, so WATCH & LISTEN. Their verbal report may include
some or all of the missing portion. The questions "What makes it like that?" or
"Why is that so?" will usually elicit a because story. This may also give you some
or all of the missing portion of the belief. Once youve got the whole belief (Eg.
"Ill never be able to boogie because I aint got no rhythm"), you can use sleight
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of mouth (conversational belief change, part of the master practitioner syllabus)

and many other NLP belief-change patterns to start getting shifts.
Summary
With regard to a goal (or just in general)

1) Write a list of 3 beliefs which have been limiting you.

2) Find evidence that these beliefs are false.
3) Write a list of 3 useful, empowering beliefs that will help you achieve
your goal (or that youd just like to believe.)

4) Find evidence that these beliefs are true.

5) Pretend that the new positive beliefs are true.

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How to Get What You Want Part One

When I attended my first neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) training five years
ago, the trainer asked us if wed like to know two questions which could change
our lives. I have used these questions consistently ever since, and they have
been among the most useful things Ive ever learned. They were "What do you
want?", and "How will you know when youve got it?"
What do you want?
"What do you want?" is probably the most well-known NLP question. It takes
advantage of the fact that the human nervous system is goal-seeking ie. we
operate most effectively when we have a goal or objective of some sort to aim
for, so
1) Ask yourself "What do I want?" & pay attention to your answer.
You cant do a dont
Is your answer stated in the positive (eg. to get fit & healthy, to double your
income, to start a new business etc.) or in the negative (eg. to quit smoking, lose
weight, stop spending so much etc.)? Negatives arent processed by the nervous
system in the same way that they are linguistically (eg. The command "Dont
think of a purple hippo" is difficult to obey.) You get what you focus on, so if your
goal is stated in the negative, youre making it more difficult for yourself.
2) Ensure you state your goal positively.
How will you know when youve got it?
I once had a client whose goal was to become rich. I asked her how shed know
when she was rich and she said shed have more money. So I tossed a pound
coin to her and said "Congratulations, youre rich." More money did not turn out
to be specific enough evidence for her having achieved her goal, so we went into
the detail of what she would see, hear and feel when she was rich. This gives
your nervous system a rich representation of what success is for this particular
goal. So, with regard to your goal
3) Ask yourself "How will I know when Ive got it?"
What will you see, hear and feel as you are achieving your goal? What specific
details will let you know that you are getting what you want? The more sensory
detail you include, the more information you will give to your nervous system
about what to aim for.
4) Ensure you have details of what you will see, feel and hear.
Get your body involved
Once you have clear evidence (ie. how youll know when youve achieved your
goal), you can engage your unconscious resources more fully by getting your
body more involved. Stand up and ensure youve got enough space to move
safely, then
5) Imagine you are going to step in to that time in the future when you already
have what you want, then literally take a step & imagine you can see what youll
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see, hear what youll hear & feel what youll feel when you are achieving your
goal.

Mind and body are a single system

Mind and body are a single system, and people often find that the process of
stepping into a future achievement has a profound effect, allowing you to
experience learnings and insights which may not previously have been
consciously available. Often, the people most sceptical of this approach have the
most powerful experiences, so if you are dubious about whether this will work for
you, great do it anyway and see what happens!
More advanced
For more advanced students of NLP: when you ask someone "What do you
want?" its really important to pay attention while you ask the question & while
they prepare and give an answer. People will run all sorts of unconscious
strategies while searching for the answer to a question. You can discover
information about
a) how they represent a successful outcome to themselves,
b) how they stop themselves from getting what they want,
c) how they want several things that are in conflict with each other etc.
This will give you information that is often not available to the person at a
conscious level, so watch and listen for eye movements, hand gestures, head
movements, language patterns etc.
Summary
1)
2)
3)
4)
5)

Use "What do you want?" with yourself & others to elicit goals
If goals are stated negatively, re-state them in the positive
Use "How will you know when youve got it?" to elicit evidence
Ensure you have answers for "What will you see, hear and feel?"
Step into your imagined future achievement to get further insights.

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How to Get What You Want Part Two

I was once working with a team who had been without a leader for some time,
and were continually fighting fires. Their newly appointed leader wanted help
bringing the team together around a shared goal, with a more proactive
approach. We spent some time exploring the What do you want? / How will you
know? questions, and established a goal for the team that they seemed
genuinely excited about. Then I asked them an unusual question,
"What are the benefits of NOT achieving this?"
Of course, they protested that there was no good reason not to achieve their
goal, and that there were no benefits of things staying as they were. But I
pressed the point, & they started to find benefits:
- They didnt have to prioritise
- They werent held accountable
- They could moan about how disorganised things were
- In a funny way, it was comfortable & familiar
These were all hidden benefits that they would have to find other ways to get if
they were to achieve their goal.
There are always hidden benefits
In almost any situation, there will be hidden benefits. If these benefits are
uncovered, you can find other ways to satisfy them and achieve your goals more
easily. However, if you are not aware of the hidden benefits of a situation, it can
make it more of a struggle to change. So, with regard to a current goal you wish
to achieve or change you wish to make
1) Ask yourself "What are the benefits of NOT achieving this?" & pay attention to
your answers.
You can look for other hidden benefits by asking "What are the benefits of the
current situation?" The answers to these questions may seem strange or even a
bit embarrassing, but once youve identified them, you can begin to find new
ways to deliver the benefits as you achieve your goal.
Every benefit addresses a need or want
A benefit is only a benefit if it addresses a need or want, so the next step is to
identify the needs or wants that the hidden benefit is addressing.
2) Ask "What is the need or want that this benefit is satisfying?"
Anthony Robbins talks about six basic human needs, so if youre having trouble
identifying the need or want, check this list for inspiration. Robbins six are
paraphrased as follows:
- Love & connection to other people
- Contribution to something bigger (family, community etc)
- Predictability, familiarity & security
- Unpredictability & surprise
- Growth & learning
- A sense of importance
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Every behaviour has a positive intention

One of the basic presuppositions of NLP is that every behaviour has a positive
intention (nb. The presuppositions of NLP are not true, but if you act as though
theyre true in certain situations, you can get fantastic results.) It can be
liberating to realise that there has been a positive intention behind something you
have been coding as bad or wrong. Once you know which needs or wants
youve been satisfying, you can dream up some alternatives to find even better
ways to feel satisfied in the future.
3) Ask "How can I get this benefit while Im achieving my goal?"
Use your imagination theres always another way of meeting your wants and
needs. The great news is, youll often come up with ways of getting far bigger
benefits than the ones you currently have.
The power of familiarity
Sometimes people will be adamant that there is no benefit in the current
situation. If this happens, check how long things have been as they are. If its
more than a few weeks, then it will have been familiar. If things have been like
this for years, it will have been VERY familiar! Human beings have a deeply coded
need for familiarity, so track down a new way of providing consistency &
familiarity (eg. a daily practice like meditating, exercise, reading etc.) This can
provide a base of stability in a changing situation.
More advanced
For more advanced students of NLP: hidden benefits are often referred to as
secondary gain. Secondary gain often operates outside of conscious awareness,
ie. in the domain of the unconscious mind. The unconscious mind is responsible
for body language, voice analogues etc. When there secondary gain is present,
you will often notice incongruence, such as
- head shaking while answering yes
- talking about something "wonderful" in a flat & neutral tone
- grimacing while describing something they want, etc
Ask the person what the effect of getting what they want will be. Secondary gain
incongruities will often show up as they describe the effect.
Summary
With regard to a goal
1) Ask "What are the benefits of NOT achieving this?" to identify hidden
benefits of the current situation.
2) Ask "What is the need or want that this benefit is satisfying?"
3) Ask "How can I get this benefit while Im achieving my goal?" to identify
better ways of satisfying the wants & needs.

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The Magic Minute - Part One

Now were going to look at how peoples unconscious minds are trying to
influence you - the fact that people will tell you everything you need to know in
order to work with them in the very first minute as long as you can see, hear &
utilise their unconscious messages. This applies in everything from therapy to
sales to executive coaching. In this article, youll discover how you can tune in to
this 'magic minute'.
Youve seen it in a hundred movies: a character whos having trouble being
understood is desperately being asked for a vital piece of information. Over &
over again, they tell their questioner exactly what they need to know, but the
questioner just scratches their head & says If only he could tell us where the
treasure is buried / the way out of here / where the key is...
Its exactly the same with the unconscious mind.
The unconscious tells you everything in the very first minute
The unconscious mind always finds an answer to whatever question you ask it.
Use the coaching context as an example:
A client comes to a coach for some help. The coach asks What do you
want? The client sits up straight, raises their chin & looks up. Then they
take a deep breath in through their nose & let it out, & a look of
contentment settles on their face. Then they look down and to the left and
say I dont know.
The coach then proceeds to spend the next hour asking them the question in
different ways, trying to get past the I dont know answer.
But heres the thing...
Their unconscious mind answered the question immediately, the first time it was
asked.
The unconscious mind answers honestly & instantly
The human bodymind has been developing over countless thousands of years for
a world of things & experience, not a world of words (language is a valuable but
relatively recent evolutionary development).
Every word you hear (& the ones you read too) gets translated into something
the deeper bodymind can understand pictures, smells, sounds, tastes &
sensations a sensory representation.
And it works both ways.
In order to answer a question:
a) the question gets translated into something the deeper bodymind understands,
a sensory representation
b) the bodymind creates an answer it understands (a sensory representation
answer). Typically, this answer gets demonstrated in real time, eg.

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The client sits up straight, raises their chin & looks up. Then they take a
deep breath in through their nose & let it out, & a look of contentment
settles on their face.
c) the neurology then translates this sensory representation answer into
something the conscious mind can talk about, eg.
Then they look down and to the left, adopt a concerned expression and
say I dont know.
Here is a possible interpretation of what just happened.
Observed data

Possible interpretation

The coach asks What do you want?

Good question!

The client sits up straight

People sometimes exhibit a lack of

physical alignment when they arent
aligned with their values etc. This client
may want alignment.

Raises their chin & looks up

Maybe accessing some internal visual

representation of a desired outcome,
direction or state of being.

Then they take a deep breath in

through their nose & let it out & a look
of contentment settles on their face

The system is at rest, at peace, with a

feeling of contentment.

Then they look down and to the left

Looking down and to the left is the classic

talking to myself eye-accessing cue for
right-handed people.

The unconscious mind has eloquently expressed the specific answer to the what
do you want question, but by the time the conscious mind has a conversation
with itself about it, it doesnt make sense, so the person says I dont know.
Why didnt they just say I want a sense of alignment & contentment?
Well, sometimes people will, but on other occasions, such an answer wouldnt fit
with their beliefs about what it is appropriate to want (people often think they
want more typical success oriented stuff, eg. Money, jobs, cars, houses etc).

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The Magic Minute - Part Two - Your Key for Cracking

the Unconscious Code
In Part One, we had a look at the idea that people will show & tell you
everything you need to know within the first minute of asking what they want.
This week, were going to continue getting a handle on how you can use this
information to become an even more powerful communicator & change
magician in whatever context you connect with people.
So, just to recap & set the scene with a few tips
a) Assume that people will show & tell you everything you need to know within
the first minute of asking what they want.
If you act as though its true, youll pay attention and notice the patterns that
show up right away in peoples communication.
b) Go quiet inside internal dialogue consumes awareness bandwidth, so learn
to switch the chattering monkey off.
When people talk to themselves, their unconscious has to work overtime to
convert the words theyre using into something their bodymind understands
(pictures, sounds, smells, tastes, feelings etc). This uses up a lot of the available
awareness bandwidth. Learn to switch off your internal dialogue, & youll be able
to see, hear & perceive more of whats important.
c) Watch & listen. The persons unconscious mind is telling you a story, & you
need to pay close attention to see & hear its elements. Cultivate a state of
curiosity & wonder.
While people will show & tell you everything you need to know, you have to be
paying attention in order to notice it, so watch & listen.
d) Take people literally be alert to ambiguities & metaphors.
Well be exploring this for the next couple of weeks, because its so powerful.
Remember, our mind & body have developed for a world of things & experience.
The words we choose are chosen in response to internal representations,
specifically pictures, sounds, smells, tastes & feelings.
So what? I hear you ask. Well, when you say a word or phrase that is
ambiguous (ie. Has more than one meaning), it means that your unconscious
mind is processing both meanings of the word, which means in turn that both
sets of representations are present, at least on some level.
Yeah, but so what!?!
Ill give you an example. Weve been working on a new product for the last year.
A month ago, I wrote down one of my personal goals for the month, saying that I
wanted to Go flat out on the new product.
Consciously, I was using flat out to mean running as fast as I can. But my
unconscious had another idea.

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Within a week, I was flat on my back, suffering from a dose of man-flu. I stayed
flat out for two weeks, the worst does of flu (or anything) Ive had since I was a
child.
I had been working hard beforehand, & I guess my unconscious thought I needed
a rest (arrest get it?) Knowing myself as I do, Id probably had plenty of
signals to take it easy, which Id been ignoring in the excitement to get the new
product ready.
When I told my unconscious I wanted to go flat out, it didnt need telling twice!
When youre working with people, be alert to these kinds of ambiguities. They will
be a useful (and entertaining) source of additional, valuable information.
We really focus on this stuff in depth during NLP Master Practitioner training,
which starts in April. Why? Because this is where you find the real magic of NLP.
At salad, we want you to learn to do the real thing & get amazing results, not
just a bunch of techniques.
Our line-up for Master Prac this year is amazing, & includes me, Peter Freeth,
Neo-Ericksonian hypnotist Michael Watson & NLP Meta-Master Trainer Chris Hall.
Book right away to take advantage of your super-early-bird discount.
As my co-trainer Peter Freeth says "On Practitioner we give you a set of keys &
show you how to use them. On Master Practitioner, youre going to learn how to
pick locks.

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2008 Jamie Smart

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The Magic Minute - Part Three - Literal Magic with NLP

In Part Two, we explored the idea that the unconscious mind is very literal. In
this part, were going to extend that idea, & look at how the words people use are
a reflection of how theyre processing internally. In the process, youll learn some
of the secrets that will help you develop a reputation for doing real magic with
NLP.
So just a reminder - Take people literally be alert to ambiguities & metaphors.
One of the things well be exploring in a later tip is the idea that our minds &
bodies have developed for a world of things & experience the world of words is
a fairly recent evolutionary arrival.
I mention this now because one of the things youll begin to notice as you start
taking people literally is that they give you clues to their internal processing in
the words they use.
A few examples:
When I think about making that career move, it just seems so far away,
& no matter what I do, it never seems to come any closer.
I try to figure out what I want, but I just keep drawing a blank.
Id like to think I could become a coach, but I just cant see myself doing
it.
Ive got this really big problem, & I just cant seem to get any perspective
on it.
Im using primarily visual examples, because theyre pretty easy to make sense
of & grasp. Of course, the same principles apply to the other modalities (hearing,
feeling, & to a lesser degree, taste & smell).
Lets get a handle on what you can see showing up as we talk through these
examples:
Statement
Possible internal processing
When I think about
The person has an internal representation of the
making that career
career move (possibly an image)
move, it just seems so
far away, & no matter
The representation is a certain distance away in
what I do, it never seems
their internal landscape
to come any closer.

They have not created a path (ie. A specific plan

with steps they can take) to get from where they
are now to where they want to be.

As a result, the distance between them & the

representation has remained constant.

(Note for NLP Practitioners, this kind of processing

of time is what Chris Hall refers to as An in-time
representation in a between-time structure)

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The person is probably trying to make an internal

image of what they want (ie. figure out what they
want)

They keep trying to do this (the word trying

presupposes failure)

Instead of making a picture of what they want, they

draw a blank, ie. They make a picture of a blank
screen.

The blank screen prevents them seeing what they

want (ie. They either draw it instead of picturing
what they want, or they stick it in front of the
picture of what they want, blocking their view).

Id like to think I could

become a coach, but I
just cant see myself
doing it.

I just cant see myself doing it - They are saying

that they cant make an internal image of
themselves either a) going through the process of
becoming a coach or b) coaching people & running a
coaching business.

Ive got this really big

problem, & I just cant
seem to get any
perspective on it.

They have an internal representation of this thing

called problem, & the representation is really big
(& probably too close for comfort)

Like anything thats big and right in your face, its

difficult to get any perspective on it.

I keep trying to figure

out what I want, but I
just keep drawing a
blank.

1)

Start paying even more attention to the things people say, with the idea
that their words are describing things that their deeper mind & body can
understand.

So what do you do once youve started picking these kinds of things up in another
persons language? It depends on the context, & what your purpose is for
communicating with them.
In a formal or informal coaching context, you might choose to deal with it semicovertly, for instance:
Client:

Ive got this really big problem, & I just cant seem to get any
perspective on it.

Coach:

Yes I know that as you look at that problem and notice that
you can allow it to move far enough away that youre able to
see it from a more realistic perspective you may also begin to
become more aware of some of the resources you have
available to you in order to deal with it effectively.

In general, when something moves further away, it becomes smaller (ie. No

longer a big problem). When you can notice this stuff in real-time, & respond

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to it accordingly, you start developing a reputation for being able to do real

magic.

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2008 Jamie Smart

39

Hypnotic Language in Action - How To Use

Conversational Timelines
In this article, were exploring how you can use the power of timelines, within
an ordinary conversation. You may already be aware that a persons sense of
time is a powerful resource. What you may not realise is that you can use their
sense of time conversationally to create powerful changes, as youll discover
today.
Just for fun, you might like to identify some goals youd like to accomplish before
reading the next few paragraphs.
During coaching, training & even sales contexts, Ill often use time language to
help people take new perspectives & make powerful changes. Ill often say
something like this:
I know that, as you sit here listening to me, there are certain goals you
have in mind and as you allow yourself to consider those particular
desiresyou can imagine a time in the futurewhen you have already
achieved those goalsand from that point in the future you can look
back to todayas having been an important point in that process and as
you continue to allow yourself to enjoy the experienceof having made
those changesyou can begin to notice some of the things you didthat
enabled your continuing progress and you may even be awareof some
of the more important resources you activatedalong the way and
whether youre consciously aware of it or notyou can feel comfortable in
the knowledgethat the fact that you understand these words and ideas
means that your unconscious mind is also fully engaged in this process
of your evolving potentials and abilities
As usual, lets look at this bit by bit
Section
I know that

Hypnotic Language Patterns

I dont really know, but Im making a pretty
good guess. The I know makes it seem like
I have access to hidden knowledge.

as you sit here listening to me Pacing statement.

there are certain goals you
have in mind

A pretty fair guess. And certain goals leaves

it vague enough for it to be true for everyone.
After all, as you sit here reading this, there
are certain goals you have in mind, arent
there?

and as you allow yourself to

consider those particular
desires

This is loaded with presuppositions: as you

presupposes its already happening, allow
yourself implies its just a matter of giving
yourself permission. By the time you get to
the end of the sentence, youre considering
them!

you can imagine a time in the

future

Im not asking whether they can Im just

saying they can.

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when you have already

achieved those goals

I guess so, otherwise they probably wouldnt

even have them as goals.

and from that point in the

future you can look back to
today

In order to make sense of this, they have to

imagine being at that future point, having
already made those changes, looking back to
today.

as having been an important

point in that process and as
you continue to allow yourself to
enjoy the experienceof having
made those changes

All of a sudden, today is in the past, & just a

part of a process. Then they get to enjoy he
experience of having made those changes.
Energy flows where attention goes, & what
you focus on increases. Feeling what youll
feel when youve got what you want can be
an important part of getting it!

you can begin to notice some

of the things you didthat
enabled your continuing
progress

Using past language to describe the process

of change theyve gone through. Also your
continuing progress is ambiguous & deeply
hypnotic.

and you may even be awareof

some of the more important
resources you activatedalong
the way

Aware is one of my favourite

presuppositions. Its not a matter of whether
you did it or not just of whether youre
aware of it. There are plenty of other
presuppositions in here too see just how
many you can enjoy spotting!

and whether youre consciously Even if youre not consciously aware of it,
aware of it or notyou can feel youre unconsciously aware of it! Also, You
comfortable in the knowledge can feel comfortable in the knowledge is a
nicely hypnotic phrase.
that the fact that you
understand these words and
ideasmeans that your
unconscious mind is also fully
engaged

A means B does it really? No, but it seems

plausible enough for the unconscious. And of
course, if your unconscious is ALSO fully
engaged, it presupposes that your conscious
mind is too.

in this process of your evolving Hypnotic spacecake very tasty!

potentials and abilities

You can even use this structure in a sales pitch. For instance, Im really keen for
you to experience our Hypnotic Language Masterclass audios, so I might say
something like this:
Youre reading this tip which means youre interested in hypnotic
language so as you consider whether or not to invest in our Hypnotic
Language Masterclass audios Id like to invite you to imagine a time
in the future, say three months from now when youve already
integrated the learnings from these recordings and youre enjoying the
powerful benefits of continuing to put what youve learned into practice
& enjoying the experience with delight of your evolving mastery and
from that point in the future you can look back to today and your
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decision to buy these products as having been an important point in that

process and a valuable investment inyour developing skills and
abilities
Feel free to go through this & analyse it yourself its a great way to continue
deepening your understanding and communication abilities.

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2008 Jamie Smart

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The Hidden Power of Meaning

Im currently in the process of creating a new card deck, and have been exploring
some of my favourite NLP ideas, as well as some new ones. In this article, Im
going to share a powerful idea that underpins much of NLP change-work, and can
transform situations that you may have perceived as stuck, limiting or
unresourceful until now.
Human beings are meaning-makers. As we go through our lives, we are always
endeavouring to make meaning of the situations that we face. This ability to
make meaning of situations has two clear benefits:

It gives us a sense of certainty (people like certainty).

It gives us a storyline, which helps us make informed decisions about what
to do next.

The data is ambiguous

A person is about to go into a grocery store when suddenly they see a man
pointing a gun at the clerk and shouting, while the clerk hands over bills from the
register.
Whats going on here? What does this mean?
a) The gun-man needs money to pay for meditation classes, and is in the
process of selling the clerk his gun.
b) The gun-man is helping the clerk prepare for a play hes due to act in.
c) Theres a robbery in progress.
Whats the real answer? We dont know weve only been presented with the
data, & the data is ambiguous. It could mean anything!
However, the answer the person chooses will determine the actions they take.
The meaning they make from the data gives them a storyline they can use to
make informed decisions.

People like certainty

As you can imagine, there is a big survival benefit in being able to make meaning
in an effective way. However, theres also a trap in this. Once we have
established what we think something means, we like to stay with the sense of
certainty it gives us.
Once people have a sense of certainty about something, they tend to make the
facts fit they reverse engineer the evidence to fit the meaning theyve made.
So what? I hear you ask. Assuming theres a robbery in progress & calling the
police is the safest most sensible action to take in this situation.
True. However, most of the meaning-making decisions we make are not matters
of life & death, but they can affect the quality of our lives in significant ways.
Some examples:
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1)

A new employee hears their manager shouting at someone on the phone &
decides it means She loses her temper easily or Shes an angry
person.
A person gets a feeling of confusion while learning something new &
decides it means I cant learn this stuff or Im stupid.
Choose an example from your own life where youd like to experience
greater resourcefulness. Think about the data - the sights, sounds,
smells, tastes & feelings. Ask yourself What does this data mean?

You might like to open to the idea that the meanings youve created for these
things are stories stories to enable you to make decisions about what to do
etc.
2)

Thank yourself for having created those meanings, then ask yourself
What else could this data mean?

Remember, the data is ambiguous. You create the meaning. And you can always
decide to create new meaning.
3)

Repeat step 2 until you begin to notice that youre experiencing greater
resourcefulness in relation to this situation.

www.saladltd.co.uk
2008 Jamie Smart

44

Secrets of NLP Coaching - Part One Instant Rapport

Through Language
Im going to share one of my favourite techniques for creating instant rapport
with a person so you can connect with them on a deep level.
Several years ago, I was doing some executive coaching for a large multinational,
& I was due to meet with the sales director & one of his managers. I stopped by
to have a word with the manager prior to the meeting, who warned me not to
mention the sales figures. He explained that the numbers had been very low; that
the director had been in a bad mood all day, & would go mad if I mentioned the
figures.
When the manager & I walked into the directors office, the first words out of my
mouth were Hi, I hear the sales figures sucked this month. The manager
cringed, waiting for the inevitable explosion, but the director just laughed, shook
my hand & said Yeah, but its time to move on. We immediately got down to
business & had a successful meeting, with no further mention of the dreaded
sales number.
Meet them at their map of the world
You begin to establish rapport when you meet someone at their map of the
world. As humans, we have a natural tendency to get in-sync with one another
over time, but its possible to speed the process up dramatically.
Our brains contain mirror neurons that help us understand how another person
is feeling, make predictions about what theyre going to do next, & learn through
imitation. We can use our neural heritage to make guesses about what the other
person is thinking & feeling.
1)

Next time you have a chat or meet with a person, ask yourself Whats it
like to be them right now? Make a guess about what the other person is
thinking & feeling. If appropriate, acknowledge it in your language.

The statement you make can range from the specific to the general. For instance:

In the case of the sales director, where I had specific information about his
likely focus of attention, saying Hi, I hear the sales figures sucked this
month was a very specific way of saying to him I understand what
youre feeling.

To a policeman I was chatting to in Dublin last weekend who said that he

thought NLP was a load of nonsense, I said When people are sceptical
about this stuff, I usually tell them that theyre right to be
sceptical. After all, until youve experienced just how powerful this
can be for you in your own life, why would you have any reason to
be otherwise? Suddenly he became curious & asked to see the cards I
was showing someone else. (If you recognise this sentence from a
previous tip, its because Ive started to use this as a stock response
whenever someone expresses scepticism about NLP.)
In the case of a group of 500 teenagers I spoke to last year, I said "Hi
guys. It's Monday morning, and we're all here at assembly, and you've all
come here for a reason, so as you sit here listening to me, you may be
wondering 'What has this guy got to say that's going to be interesting &

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valuable to me & my life?' The majority of the group immediately became

attentive & engaged.
Its worth noticing something about my actions in these three situations:

2)

In the case of the sales director, my statement was based on information

received a few minutes earlier.
In the case of the teenagers, I planned it out the day before the talk.
In the case of the policeman, I responded in the moment to what he said
(but I did use a stock phrase).
Prepare some stock responses for situations that crop up regularly in your
life.

Taking a few minutes to do this today can massively increase your speed &
effectiveness in connecting with people.
3)

Notice the response you get.

Of course! Whatever you do or say, notice the responses you get. People always
respond, & when youre focusing your attention on them, you can get valuable
information about the impact youre having.
In part two, well be looking at some other ways to get the kind of powerful
rapport that paves the way for powerful coaching interactions (& powerful
interactions of all sorts).
Ill also be unveiling a powerful new resources for people who want better
coaching skills.

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2008 Jamie Smart

46

Secrets of NLP Coaching - Part Two - Instant Rapport

Through State
In Daniel Golemans book, Social Intelligence, he identifies the three qualities
necessary for deep rapport as empathy (sensing what the other is feeling),
attention (focusing your attention on the other person) & synchronisation (the
physical entrainment often taught in NLP trainings). The combination of these
three creates a brain-to-brain link, allowing us to powerfully influence one
another. But how do you do this quickly & easily?
Put your full attention on the other person
They say that the most powerful currency for children is attention. In todays
hectic society, there is something incredibly powerful about having someone
focus their full attention on you.
1)

Next time you are about to have a chat with someone, put your full
attention on them. Notice how they respond.

For some people, listening is something they do while waiting for their turn to
speak. But when you put your full attention on the other person, its a matter of
really watching & listening to them. I tend to pay very close attention to their
words, their tonality, their gestures & their eye movements (among other
things).
I once heard the amazing Frank Farrelly (creator of Provocative Therapy) say that
when he works with someone, he pays the kind of attention you would pay if you
were dismantling an unexploded bomb.
The neediness detector
As human beings, we all have built in neediness detectors we can tell when
someone wants us to do something. In general, the more needy someone is, the
less we want to do what they want us to do.
So what does this have to do with rapport & coaching?
Well, many coaches have a deep need for their clients to change / achieve their
goals / get certain results. While this is a fine desire, it sometimes gets confused
with the coaches ego needs (eg. their desire to be perceived as a good coach).
Paradoxically, this need for a positive result can stand in the way of getting a
positive result.
The solution?
Accept yourself & the person youre coaching exactly as you are.
Accept yourself & the person youre coaching exactly as you are.
This may seem counter-intuitive. After all, if you accept people exactly as they
are, then they wont make the changes / achieve the goals etc etc, right? Right?
Nope!
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Acceptance is one of the keys to powerful coaching relationships. You may not
believe this, but Ive actually been in Executive Coaching sessions where I did
little more than accept the person as they were, & invite them to do the same.
They experienced powerful shifts & were able to start making progress, where
previously theyd spent their energies battling with themselves.
2)

Say to yourself I accept myself exactly as I am & notice any thoughts or

sensations which emerge. Say thank-you to the thoughts & feelings,
then repeat this process. A deep sense of peace will often emerge within a
few rounds.

Once youve accepted yourself as you are, you can release any need for the other
person to change in order to prove your worthiness / value / wonderfulness. After
all, youre already amazing, tremendous & inherently valuable, so you can relax!
3)

In your mind, accept your coaching subject as they are (Eg. by saying to
yourself I accept this person exactly as they are.)

As you continue to focus your attention on the other person, you may be amazed
as you discover an increasing warmth of connection between the two of you.
Im not going to go into synchronising movements etc so much has already
been written on matching & mirroring that I dont want to repeat it here.
However, you may already be aware that matching & mirroring emerge naturally
when youre in rapport with someone, so you should notice plenty of it as you put
these tips into practice.

www.saladltd.co.uk
2008 Jamie Smart

48

Secrets of NLP Coaching Part Three How to Get

Leverage for Rapid Change
Back in my consulting days, one of the buzzwords that got bandied about was
Total Quality Management. TQM was popularised by W. Edwards Deming as a
way for reducing costs & increasing customer loyalty by treating the organisation
as a system, then focusing that system on quality through continual improvement
(as an aside, this process of continual improvement is called Kaizen by the
Japanese, who embraced Demings ideas early on).
So how does all of this apply to coaching?
Well, one of Demings principles was this: when you get the first 15% of a
process right, the remaining 85% is much more likely to be effective. For this
reason, I put a big focus on preparation for a coaching session, and the first few
minutes of the session (some of which weve been looking at for the last few
weeks).
Here are some of the things I pay attention to:

Acceptance (including self-acceptance & acceptance of the client, exactly

as they are).

Setting a coaching intention (this involves having an intention for the

session to be for the highest good / healing / success of the client)

Establishing rapport change happens at the unconscious level, &

rapport is one of the signs that youve engaged a persons unconscious
mind.

Belief / positive expectation One of the coachs jobs is to believe in

their clients. Think about it a lot of the time, a clients main problem is
that they either dont believe in themselves, or that they dont believe
they can be/do/have what they want.

One of the things that the best NLP trainers & coaches communicate to the
people theyre working with is this: I believe in you. Virtually everything I say
& do when Im working with clients is intended to communicate these sorts of
messages:

I believe in you
You can do the things youve been thinking you couldnt
Youre capable of much more than you think you are
Youre amazing, magnificent & wonderful"
Youre here for a reason the world needs you"
You have value just for being you

Sometimes youll hear me teasing clients Im coaching, & often people ask me
how that fits with what Ive just told you, but its simple: When I tease clients,
Im sub-communicating something powerful I believe in you so much that I
can actually poke fun at the thing youve been thinking was limiting you,
because I know youre capable of so much more.
1)

Make a decision that youre going to believe deeply in the potential &
capability of the person you are coaching.

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Of course, this doesnt have to be in a formal coaching situation. The same thing
applies whether youre chatting with a friend or the CEO of a multi-national. If
youre having trouble with this idea, consider this:
The person you are coaching has the same kind of neuro-physiology as

Mother Teresa
Joe Simpson & Simon Yates (the heroic climbers from Touching the Void)
Bill Gates
Tiger Woods
Anita Roddick
Picasso
John Grinder
Ghandi
Marianne Williamson
Donald Trump
Madonna
Lance Armstrong
Richard Bandler
Salvador Dali
Martin Luther King
Etc etc etc

Of course, the best way to sub-communicate that belief to the people youre
coaching is to model it for them, so
2)

Decide to believe deeply in your own potential & capabilities, & general
wonderfulness.

Deciding to believe in yourself is one of the greatest gifts you can give your
clients, because it makes it even easier to believe in them.
By the way, Demings research consistently showed that when organisations
focus on quality, then quality tends to increase, & costs fall over time. But
when organisations focus on cost, then costs tend to rise & quality declines over
time. What you focus on increases!

www.saladltd.co.uk
2008 Jamie Smart

50

Secrets of NLP Coaching - Part Four Your Most

Powerful Coaching Tools
I keep six faithful serving-men,
Who serve me well and true:
Their names are What and Where and When
And How and Why and Who.
Rudyard Kipling
It has been said that NLP is 95% information gathering. But how do you know
what to pay attention to? And how can you get people to give you useful
information? This week, well be exploring some of the most powerful tools there
are for coaching, consulting, sales in fact, for any situation where youre helping
someone to be more successful.
The first NLP model ever created was a map of how language could be used
effectively in therapy. This map was created as a result of Bandler & Grinder
modelling the questions used by Fritz Perls & Virginia Satir (the Eminem &
Madonna of 20th Century psychotherapy). But heres the thing they didnt just
model the questions they used: they modelled what they used them in response
to. The result was The Meta-Model, a set of the most powerful coaching tools
there is.
In fact, Ive heard Richard Bandler say that if you gave a person just the
Meta-Model, they would eventually discover the rest of NLP.
Good questions are powerful. Why? Because they initiate a number of processes
at the unconscious level. For instance, ask yourself:
1)

What was it that first sparked your interest in NLP? [in coaching /
hypnosis / the mind etc]

As you ponder this simple but powerful question (adapted / adopted from
Christina Hall, PhD) your unconscious mind is doing a number of powerful things:

Searching through time for reference experiences & bringing them more
powerfully into conscious awareness
Comparing these experiences with certain criteria to help get clarification
(eg. was this one the first? Did it truly spark my interest?)
Increasing the intensity of the interest that you feel (even if it only
increases a little bit at first)
Organising & re-organising your perception of the information- after all, as
you consider the answer to this question here today, you are creating a
new perception / memory / experience your experience of answering
this question today.
Learning when Christina Hall told us As you answer these questions,
you are learning it reframed my idea of what learning is. I love the idea
that just by setting out to answer this question, youre learning something.
Better still, the unconscious mind continues to search answers to the
question, even after a person gives an answer verbally.

So, here are a few more of my favourite questions. As the person answers these
questions, watch & listen they will give you all kinds of non-verbal clues about
how their internal map of what they want, why they want it, and how theyve
been stopping themselves from getting it until now.
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What do you want? this is a great way to focus someones mind at

the start of a coaching session, whether formal or informal. This question
acknowledges the goal-seeking nature of human beings, & starts to align
their system around what they want.

How will you know youve got it? This cool question gets a person to
imagine themselves having what they want, then to figure out how they
know - its very powerful.

Of course, I dont put them on the spot by asking them directly. Instead, Ill
establish rapport then say something like this:
One of the things I like to find out from my clients is What do you
want? and How will you know youve got what you want? so at
some point in the session Ill ask them. And typically Ill get three kinds of
answer: With some people, when I ask What do you want?, theyll tell
me what they want, while with others, they tell me what they dont want.
But the third group, when I ask What do you want? they say they dont
know. At which point, I ask them Would you like to know what you
want? & they say yes, & I say good, so thats the first thing you want,
isnt it, & they usually laugh & relax a bit more. So anyway, as you sit
here listening to me, what is it that you want?
As you can see, by the time I actually ask the person directly, Ive already asked
them the question three times while telling them the story, as well as telling them
its OK not to know consciously yet continue to engage in the process.

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2008 Jamie Smart

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Secrets of NLP Coaching Part Five The

Information-Gathering Frame
In part four, we started exploring the idea that NLP is 95% information gathering,
& that questions are one of your most powerful coaching tools. In this part, were
going to look at some questions you can ask yourself to create a uniquely
powerful coaching frame.
While its important to have great questions to ask your clients, there are a
number of questions I ask myself when Im working with a client that are equally
powerful in helping create a strong coaching frame. Here are some of them:

What must be true of them for them to say / do / believe that?

How are they doing that?
How does their problem work? What are the steps they are taking?
What are they trying to accomplish? Whats the purpose of this? How
does this make sense?
Whats important in all of this?

These questions acknowledge some of the powerful presuppositions of NLP:

All behaviour has a positive intention (ie. it is purposeful)

People arent broken, so you dont need to fix them
The map is not the territory.

All behaviour has a positive intention (ie. it is purposeful)

The human nervous system is goal-seeking. Even the most bizarre behaviours
make sense when you understand what goal is being sought. While these goals
are often held out of conscious awareness, the unconscious mind knows what the
goal is.
People arent broken, so you dont need to fix them
People work perfectly their problems are actually skills, and their issues are
actually accomplishments. People are actually far more robust than they are often
given credit for.
The map is not the territory.
Remember, people dont respond directly to reality, but rather to the maps or
models of reality that they have created, and that exist in their nervous
systems.
When someone is experiencing a problem or challenge, it is useful to consider the
problem or challenge as a limitation in their map of the world, rather than in the
world itself. By helping someone update their map of the world, their problems,
issues and limitations can disappear. By the same token, a person with great
talents and abilities has a rich map of the world. We can all enrich our maps and
models and live happier, more vibrant, fulfilling lives.
When someone is sitting in front of me for coaching, they often come with some
problem theyve tried to solve in a bunch of different ways already, & it hasnt
worked. I assume that the person works perfectly, that theres a positive

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intention behind whats going on for them, & that they are doing it in a structured
way this gives me three big advantages:
a) A different perspective & attitude from everyone else whos tried to help them
solve this problem.
b) Rapport with their unconscious mind (remember, their unconscious almost
certainly perceives the problem as a solution thats getting a positive
result.)
c) The opportunity to discover the structure of what theyve been perceiving as a
limitation to understand how they do their problem.
So, in relation to someone you may be coaching, or someone you know who
hasnt been able to solve some problem yet, ask yourself:
1) What is the positive intention behind this behaviour / belief / problem or
challenge? What purpose is it serving?
When you assume that theres a positive intention, this instantly helps build
rapport with their unconscious mind (after all, theyve probably been fighting
their unconscious).
2) How does their problem work? What are the steps they are taking?
You can assume that people do things in a systematic, patterned way. Then its
just a matter of finding out what the patterns are!
In part six, well start looking at questions you can use to find out the answers to
these questions from the other person, but start by loading the questions into
your own mind. They will give you new insights into the people around you.

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2008 Jamie Smart

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Secrets of NLP Coaching - Part Six - How To Ask

Questions with Purpose
Last week we explored questions you can ask yourself for setting a strong frame
for coaching. This week, well look at some powerful questions you can use with
others that wont just give you high-quality information theyll get your client to
start opening up new possibilities & moving in new directions.
Im currently attending a language course with the amazing Christina Hall PhD
(Chris is one of the most highly skilled people in the NLP world when it comes to
language, & were exploring it in depth.)
Early on in the course, she was telling us about the time she spent with Richard
Bandler in the early days of NLP, developing some of the material that was to
become its core syllabus. One of the things he told her about was the
importance of questions. Remember, he said, your questions must be defined
by purpose.
Your questions must be defined by purpose
Every question will guide a persons attention in a certain direction. You see, the
unconscious mind is affected by the presuppositions in the questions you ask
(you can think of presuppositions as what must be accepted as true for the
sentence to make sense). Here are some examples:
Sentence
Bees make honey

Some of its presuppositions

Bees exist, honey exists, its possible to make honey

Whats the problem?

What do you want?

Theres a specific problem

You exist, wanting is possible, theres something you
want,

So far, so good. Heres where the fun starts.

1)

Identify something in your life that youve been perceiving as a problem

until now. Then ask yourself How have I perceived this as a problem until
now?

This question presupposes a number of things, including

Theres more than one way of perceiving what you had been calling a
problem
That perceiving it as a problem was just that a perception!
In addition, it does some cool things with time. First of all, the word perceived
puts the perception into the past, then the until now implies that things have
changed.
Remember, all change takes place at the unconscious level, & the unconscious
mind processes at the level of presupposition. Just by understanding the
sentence, the presuppositions are accepted!
This is powerful. It means that just by asking questions, youre directing a
persons attention, & inviting them to reorganise their experience.
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You can even use smaller elements of this to great effect. For instance, if a client
states a problem, you can append words & phrases to the end of their sentence,
with powerful results. For instance:
Client:
Coach:

I havent made any progress.

Until now

Client:
Coach:

Its so difficult to make changes.

But not for us!

Client:
Coach:

I dont seem to be able to do this.

Yetyou can become curious about how soon youll notice
your increasing skills.

The until now, but not for us and the yet will cause the person to reprocess
the meaning of what theyve said in different ways (if you dont believe me, state
a limitation or problem, then get a friend to say Until now or yet afterwards &
notice what happens).
2)

Notice what happens when you turn your attention to what you had
described as a problem in exercise 1. How have you already begun to
perceive this differently now?

Energy flows where attention goes. Just by asking yourself these questions, you
will have created new cortical pathways in your mind. But have you already
realised just how much you have been learning here today?
3)

Consider the questions in exercise 2 and in the paragraph above. What do

they presuppose? What are some of the ways that youve already begun
to become aware of that you can apply these in your own life?

Questions change your perceptions, & the perceptions of the people you
communicate with. And when your perceptions change, your reality changes.
Thats why questions are one of your most powerful coaching tools.

www.saladltd.co.uk
2008 Jamie Smart

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Secrets of NLP Coaching Part Seven The Magic

Minute and How You Can Use It
Did you know that people will tell you everything you need to know in order to
help them in the very first minute, as long as you can see, hear & utilise their
unconscious messages? This week, well explore how you can tune in to this
magic minute & use what you discover to make a powerful impact.
The Magic Minute
A few weeks ago, I was coaching someone who had been given the job of
managing an important business project. I started in my usual way by asking her
What do you want? She raised her eyes to the heavens & said I dont know
where to start, then began to think about what she wanted.
At a conscious mind level, she was telling me I dont know where to start in
answering your question, but at an unconscious level, she was telling me exactly
what he rproblem with the project had been: shed been given a large & complex
project to manage, with a number of critical component, & she literally didnt
know where to start.
The first words out of her mouth, words which had been presented as a comment
about the coaching process we were engaged in, were a statement of exactly
what the problem had been. She had told me what was going on with the
first six words out of her mouth.
Watch & listen
People will tell you everything you need to know in order to help them in the first
minute. This is what I was told when I first started learning NLP, & the more I
believe it, the truer it gets.
I assume that a persons unconscious mind is doing everything it possibly can to
give me clues so that I can help them. These clues come in various forms, so
here are a few tips for identifying them.
Pay attention to asides
Like the example above, the unconscious mind often communicates important
information in asides & throwaway comments. Pay attention to these
comments, & open to the possibility that they are communications from the
unconscious mind.
Tune in to the first thing out of their mouth
My co-trainer, Peter Freeth, has a specialty working with people who have fear of
public speaking. One of his clients asked him to speak at as conference, & Peter
immediately replied Yes. The client said I wish I could accept an invitation to
speak in public as easily as you just did. It turned out that the man had been
trying to conquer his fear of public speaking for 25 years, but to no avail. By
paying attention to the sentence above, Peter determined that he didnt even
have a fear of public speaking his fear was of something else. In less than 25
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2008 Jamie Smart

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minutes, Peter helped him become someone who enjoyed public speaking & the
rest is history! (See if you can figure out how Peter determined this from the
statement above).
Take people literally
I was doing a demo at the Cambridge NLP group last night, & I asked the man I
was working with How have you managed to perceive that as a problem
until now? (regarding a challenge he was facing). He said Because its so
big
The human mind & body have developed for the world of things & experience
words are a relatively new arrival. I took him literally his internal representation
of the particular challenge he was facing was Humongous! It fills the room! (he
leaned his head back & looked up to the ceiling as he talked about it). I asked
him What happens when you shrink it down to a manageable size?
Instantly, he started to relax.
1)

In the days & weeks ahead, pay particular attention to the first things out
of a persons mouth. You may be amazed at what you discover!

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2008 Jamie Smart

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About the Author

Jamie Smart is the Managing Director of Salad Seminars Ltd,
as well as the principal trainer. He spent much of the
nineties leading large, mission-critical business projects and
change programmes. In the process, he found that
individual change is the key to collective change, and
became fascinated with helping people achieve the results
they want. This fascination led him to NLP, and he has spent
from 1996 to the present day learning from the finest
teachers and materials, and applying what hes learned.
Jamie is an NLP Master Practitioner and is licensed by
Richard Bandler and the Society of NLP as a Trainer of
Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP).
Jamie is author of The NLP Tip, an e-zine which goes to thousands of people
around the world each week (available from www.saladltd.co.uk), as well as the
creator of Ericksonian Hypnosis CardsTM and many other products.
He lives in Leicestershire (UK). When he isnt helping other people get what they
want, he likes going for long walks in the woods, listening to music and reading.

Acknowledgements
Ive been fortunate to learn from a number of great NLP Trainers and other
innovative thinkers and teachers. Thanks to anyone whose efforts have made
their way into this work.
Specific thanks to

Richard Bandler
John Grinder
Joseph Riggio
Eric Robbie
Jo Cooper
Peter Seal
Timothy Leary
Marianne Williamson
Michael Breen
Sh Wasmund

Robert Dilts
Sid Jacobson
Jonathan Altfeld
Robert Anton Wilson
Ian Watson
Michael Neill
John La Valle
Paul McKenna
Christina Hall

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2008 Jamie Smart

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