Personal Statement #2

I have always pondered on the existence of God, which is ironic since I was raised in a
Catholic household. I attended church and CCD weekly, gave up bad habits for Lent, and fasted.
I was forced to believe, yet I didnt. My lack of belief didnt concern me until recently, when the
most loving and caring woman I know was taken from me. How could a so-called higher
power that everyone claims to be so great and almighty, take my grandmother from me? This
question remained in the back of my mind until freshman year of high school, when my mom
signed me up for confirmation class.
Confirmation wasnt the most exciting way to spend Monday nights, but eventually it
grew on me, only to an extent. I listened to the teachings, sang the praise and worship songs, and
shared my life with my small group. I felt somewhat secure around the catechists and my fellow
confirmands, yet the contemplation of Gods existence still lingered.
The confirmation retreat took place in mid-January and was much more intense than
usual classes at church. The catechists prepared a special skit about a girl wanting to become
close to God, to truly feel His presence, but many obstacles in her daily life prevented her from
her desired connection; toxic relationships, sin, and persisting in unbelief. Chills ran up my spine
and tears filled my eyes for I realized that I was that girl: pursuing boys with bad intentions,
letting peers alter my morals and beliefs. He was there for me this whole time, but I was pushing
Him away.
We were given a moment of silence to reflect. Its said that silence is the point where
awareness originates. This was my moment of awareness; for the first time in my life, I truly felt
His presence. His warm embrace granted me security and comfort in which I lacked before. Not
only this, but the lingering question in my mind began to disappear as its explanation unfolded

before me: He took my grandmother simply because it was time. His plan was to send her home
to end her suffering and be at rest. In that moment, I was finally able to let my guard down, and
place my trust in Him. I never knew that silence could be such a beautiful thing.
Ive woken up every morning with a different outlook on life. Ive grown immensely patient in
situations that I wouldve normally portrayed negativity and non-stop complaining. Ive broken
off friendships that only weighed me down. Now, I understand that every event in my life has
purpose, even if its not quite evident at the time. He has a greater plan for me than I have for
myself, and I know to trust in Him, for He lives in me.