WILD ABANDON: THE STUDY OF STEVE

BY DANIEL MACIVOR

STEVE
COMEDIC / CANADIAN
SASSY / OFFENDED, 25

So I'm sitting there, looking out the window,

thinking to myself how... when the trees are dead
and the leaves are gone, you can see so much more
of the world.

And this woman, 4... 4 and a half feet away,

left side, starts talking in this very loud voice about
her trip to Mexico.
"Oh! There were so many gringos!" ... 'Gringos'.
Seriously, she said that. And then, every time the
guy brought something to her table she'd say
"Gracias!"... 'Gracias'? Like she takes one trip there,
and all of a sudden SHE'S FRIGGIN' MEXICO.

And that was okay. But then she started talking

about her trip, and how she was on this bus with all
of these "men". And she said "men" like it was some
sort of disease, or some sort of new drug.... "men"....

I'm a man, aren't I? Hm? And I'm man who was

sitting right there! If she turned her head THAT much,
she'd be looking right at me. Without even moving
her eyes she was just staring at me. I'm a man! I was
right there!.... And then, she tells her friend about
the Grand Canyon.... THE GRAND CANYON ISN'T
EVEN IN MEXICO!

LAUGHING WILD
BY CHRISTOPHER DURANG
MAN
COMEDIC / CONTEMPORARY
NEUROTIC, 27
The other night I dreamt my father was inside a
baked potato. Isn't' that strange? I was very startled
to see him there, and I started to be afraid other
people would see where my father was, and how
small he was, so I kept trying to close the baked
potato, but I guess the potato was hot, cause he'd
start to cry when I'd shut the baked potato, so then I
didn't know what to do. I thought of sending the
whole plate back to the kitchen - tell the cook there's
a person in my baked potato - but then I felt such
guilt at deserting my father that I just sat there at
the table and cried. He cried too. Then the waiter
brought dessert, which was devil's food cake with
mocha icing, and I ate that. Then I woke up, very
hungry. I told my therapist about the dream, and he
said my father cried because he was unhappy, and
that I dreamt about the cake because I was hungry. I
think my therapist is an idiot. Maybe I should just
have gurus. Or find a nutritionist. But what I'm doing
now isn't working.

DIALOGUE OF THE GODS

BY LUCIAN
HERMES
COMEDIC / CLASSICAL
FED UP
Am I to do all the work of Heaven with my own
hands and never say a word? I have to get up early,
sweep the dining-room, lay the cushions and put all
to rights; then I have to wait on Zeus, and take his
messages, up and down, all day long; and I am no
sooner back again then I have to lay the table. And it
really is too bad, that when everyone else is in bed, I
should have to go off to Pluto with the Shades, and
play the usher in Rhadamanthus's court. It is not
enough that I must be busy all day in the Assembly
and the schools of rhetoric, the dead must have their
share in me too. Leda's sons take turnabout betwixt
Heaven and Hades--I have to be in both every day.
And why should the sons feast at their ease, and I
the son of Maia, the grandson of Atlaswait upon
them? And now here am. I only just got back from
Sidon, where he sent me to see after Europa. I am
half dead with it all. Mortal slaves are better off than
I am: least they have the chance of being sold to a
new master; I wish I had the same!

GOODBYE CHARLES
BY GABRIEL DAVIS
KENNEDY
COMEDIC / CONTEMPORARY
CONFUSED, 26
Im not the kind of guy who spends hundreds on a last
minute flight back to New York, tears across town, then runs up
six flights of stairs and knocks on my best friends girlfriends
door in order to run off and elope with her based on one crazy,
thoughtless, inexplicably romantic night.
So what am I doing here, Audrey? Im not passionate. Im
a fact checker for Christs sake. And the fact of me being here
doesnt check out. Its nuts! Soul-mates? I dont believe in
them. Never have. So how can I be yours? The fact is, you
hardly know me! And I hardly know you!
Now, your boyfriend, Ive known since kindergarten. Am I
really willing to throw all those years of friendship away based
on...what? Some feeling? Some intense, aching, gnawing,
burning, torturing feeling thats telling me I must be with you or
Ill die a slow and horrible death as my heart slowly breaks into
a thousand pieces? No!
I mean, this is the kind of thing that only happens in the
movies and were not in the movies. Were on McDougal
Street, two blocks south of Bleecker thats where we are. That
is an indisputable geographical fact. A solid, rational, clear,
black and white fact. And all the facts are pointing to one thing:
we cant do this. All the facts say I shouldnt be here.
Because the fact is you are in a relationship. Because
the fact is we just met yesterday. Because the fact is Im not the
kind of guy who falls in love. Thats a fact. A cold hard fact. And
facts are supposed to be true.
But the problem is....see...the problem is...despite every
fact I can muster, theres something that still doesnt check out.
Because the truth is despite all facts to the contrary...I still love
you madly. And it just defies all reason. All morality. All sense.
But I do. I love you madly. And its not like me. And I dont want
to. But I cant help it.
Im yours, Audrey. Completely, totally, hopelessly, and
utterly...yours..

WASTED TALENT
BY JOSEPH ARNONE
DONNIE
DRAMATIC / CONTEMPORARY
EULOGIC, 22
He stopped believing, thats it, thats why he
failedhe quit. So much talent, so much potential but he
stopped believing in himselfhe lost his way cause he
couldnt figure out what to do next with his career and I
guess all the stress added up and finally broke himhis
music was greatI would listen to it all the timeit would
get me into a pumped up emotional state and his lyrics
never got oldno one gave him a chance but I think that
in todays world that doesnt matter; he didnt give
himself the chance to take control of his career the way I
knew he could have. Maybe it was fear from doubting
himself and it crippled his ambition.
He did it for so long with no financial gain, no
recognition for his genius and he couldnt do it no more
he gave up and thats why he hung himself in his studio;
he couldnt do it anymore.
It pains me because I believed in the guy more than
he believed in himself. He forgot the number one lesson
which is to do what you love for the sake of the journey
nothing is more rewarding than that. He lost sight of that.
He forgot what its all about. Its not about money or fame
or complimentsits about expressing yourself creatively
because its what your soul needs to do and enjoying the
process. He lost track of that enjoyment and instead
found himself caught up with what most people get stuck
on
I wish I somehow knew how deep hed fell off in his
belief cause I
(pause.)
I will miss him very much, he was a dear friend and
a talented artist and the world has been robbed of his
contribution to humanity.
It hurts. Its sad. It didnt have to happen this way.

ONE
BY TERRANCE MOSLEY
SON
DRAMATIC / CONTEMPORARY
ANGRY, 20
Nope. Picked up the blade when at 14 and
never looked back. Ma never wanted me to shave. I
thought she didnt want me to grow up or something
like that, but now I understand. She would always
say to me every time, she would say, Its
gonna grow back thicker. First couple times werent
too bad. A little irritation, no cuts, everything was
fine. Next thing I know, I start getting all these
bumps. I would let it grow out, they would disappear,
and I would shave again. I would get more, every
time I shaved, and I started to pick at them. I
couldnt popem fast enough. Then it started feeling
like I had steel pushing out of my pores. Sometimes
its so bad I cant sleep at night. Ma tried to warn me
and I didnt listen. I would go to bed mad at you.
Thinkin you did this to me. Try and put you out of my
head and there you are just beneath the surface
pushing up. Pushing pain.