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Not bad but I would have liked to have learned more about your
subject her culture? Career plans? What are the other students
diversity ??? Just needed a few more specifics . . .
Kevin Moore
fa9785@wayne.edu
313-522-8522
Diverse & Alike
January 21, 2016
~ ERROR KEY CODE ~
PLAGARISM Not your words
GRAMMAR / AP STYLE / FACT ERROR
WIND-UP / DOING TOO MUCH Says who?
You are posing hypotheticals/trying to make/get to/talk around
a point w/o stating opinion, when a quote from a source would do!
UNATTRIBUTED FACT / OPINION / POINT OF VIEW =
ASK YOURSELF: SAYS WHO? HOW DO I KNOW THAT?
You state a fact that is not common knowledge.
Your wording expresses or adopts a point of view.
Your wording shows agreement/disagreement with the source.
You employ creative writing style and/or modifying adjectives.
You include your HOPES & DREAMS FOR A BETTER WORLD.
YOUR VOICE HIGHLIGHTING YOU Says who?
You are narrating the action OR speaking directly to the reader.
Your facts/ thoughts/analysis/conclusions = essay style.
MIND READING WWW pg. 187 & 329
How do you know what your source thinks? Believes?
AWKWARD PHRASING
Stiff or confusing wording you would never use in conversation
Vague / Unclear / Confusing / Wordy
Confusing / Wordy
ORGANIZATION
Problem with ordering of information

Wayne State University senior journalism student Atiya Ziyad said she
likes seeing students she has had a class with before when she arrives
the next term in a different class.

That was the case for her when she walked into her COM 4250
Reporting on Race, Gender and Culture class, Ziyad said.
When I walked into this class for the first time and saw familiar faces, I
didnt feel left out, said Ziyad.

When she saw those familiar faces, Ziyad said she felt a comparison
with? Compared herself to the other students.

I feel alike with those students that I recognize in class, said Ziyad.
Weve all had a few of the same classes and teachers before and we
discuss their different styles of teaching and the class.

If she recognizes a person, Ziyad the journalism major said, she likes to
have conversation with them about school.

Im always interested to see how their semester is going or how they


did the previous semester, said Ziyad. We talk about classes that
weve took ? in the past and the ones we will have to take in the
future.

Though she enjoys having conversation with students when she sees
familiar faces, Ziyad said that she is quiet and laid back and in some
ways feels quite different from her classmates.

I feel different because I notice that a lot of people are really social in
the class and Im sort of quiet and dont talk that much, said Ziyad,
adding Ziyad said that she also feels diverse when there are other
people of different races in the class.

Walking into this class and most of my other classes, one of the first
things that I notice is that there is a lot of diversity through out the
class and that makes me feel diverse from the others in a way, said
Zatiya. But diversity is something that I like and that is one thing I
like about this school, how diverse it is.

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