Alani Letang

Alani.letang@yahoo.com
January 14, 2016
(734)277-7742
Slug: Outsider Experience
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5/20

Why are entire sentences underlined??? Review WWW on attribution.

- Please see syllabus @ naming this attachment reviewed during class #1

Please see syllabus @ assignment line spacing & coding - reviewed during class #1
Unfortunately we hear @ her volunteering but we dont get
DETAILS of a day on the job and we never learn when or how she
ever felt like an outsider . . . so we have not fulfilled our mission.
TIGHTLY edit your next writings with an eye on the format in the
syllabus | REPORTING what your source did/said | and clear concise
wording.
~ ERROR KEY CODE ~
PLAGARISM Not your words
GRAMMAR / AP STYLE / FACT ERROR
WIND-UP / DOING TOO MUCH Says who?
You are posing hypotheticals/trying to make/get to/talk around
a point w/o stating opinion, when a quote from a source would do!
UNATTRIBUTED FACT / OPINION / POINT OF VIEW =
ASK YOURSELF: SAYS WHO? HOW DO I KNOW THAT?
You state a fact that is not common knowledge.
Your wording expresses or adopts a point of view.
Your wording shows agreement/disagreement with the source.
You employ creative writing style and/or modifying adjectives.
You include your HOPES & DREAMS FOR A BETTER WORLD.
YOUR VOICE HIGHLIGHTING YOU Says who?
You are narrating the action OR speaking directly to the reader.
Your facts/ thoughts/analysis/conclusions = essay style.
MIND READING WWW pg. 187 & 329
How do you know what your source thinks? Believes?
AWKWARD PHRASING
Stiff or confusing wording you would never use in conversation

Vague / Unclear / Confusing / Wordy

Confusing / Wordy
ORGANIZATION
Problem with ordering of information

When helping others, the act may manifest a cultural discomfort ??? whats that??? for some
people. N/D
Not in dispute is for the sky is blue water is wet. Here youll want to rely on your source and
quote or paraphrase their feelings . . .

Caitlin Genord SAID she felt like an outsider when she served those in need in Berkeley,
California a few years ago.

She partook on [best to stick with words you use in regular convo] this five-day adventure during her senior
year of High School with 12 other classmates from ________[city] __________ [school].
Why is that entire line underlined?

While on this trip, she SAYS she experienced a new view into the lives of the homeless
culture.

For those five days Genord and her classmates stayed at a small church on the campus of the
University of California, Berkeley, an area with a high-rate of homelessness. O [nothing to
underline here]

Genord comes from an upper middle class culture family and SHE SAYS living a more
privileged life, where she already had a preconceived notions of homelessness.

During the day, Genord SAID she and her classmates teamed up with other volunteers at
Habitat for Humanity, a nonprofit Christian organization, to build low-income houses for those
in need. C/K

When she was not building houses, Genord stocked donated supplies inside the organizations
warehouse, assisted customers with purchases, and served dinner to the homeless, low-income
families and individuals in need in the community.

While during her community work, she had the opportunity to speak with many of those she
serviced, and listened to their stories.

It was not until one story touched Genord to make her put her own life into focus.

One night while serving dinner Genord listened to a story of ??? a homeless man tell a story
about himself and his dog. ??? [WHO is telling this story ???]

The man biked with his dog from Texas where he lived on the streets - to California, in hopes
to start of starting a better life after losing his job and then his home due to the inability to keep
up with his bills.

Upon arriving to in California he once again landed on the streets.

Even though, he said, he had a job and a place to live he was still considered homeless because
he had government assistance. I have no idea why this would be? So need you to explain the
rule / law that makes this so . . .

After Genord heard this story, she said she felt bad for the way she previously perceived
homeless people as _________________________________???. [WHAT was her pereption that
ends up being wrong??? Journalists are specific]

My perspective on the reality of homelessness was wrong, Genord said.

It was at this moment that this new perspective made Genord feel like she was on the outside
looking into the new cultural.

Being an outsider can allow for a clearer understanding about a cultural outside their own. N/D
Some would indeed dispute . . .

Genord was able to understand the homeless culture and empathize with them, something that
was only made possible when she was able to live amongst them and become neutral in her
thinking.