Running Head: THE NONTRADITIONAL FAMILY

The Nontraditional Family:

Effects of LGBTQ Parents on a Childs School Experiences
Kimberly Charlton
University of South Carolina

THE NONTRADITIONAL FAMILY

Think back to the picture books you read in kindergarten and the word problems you
were given in third grade math class. Did any of these stories read Susan fell in love with Lisa,
of If Lindsey and Reagan had eight slices of pizza to share between their 3 children, how many
slices would each child get? For most school systems in the United States, the curriculum does
not reflect the population of students when it comes to representation of lesbian and gay parents.
With as many as six million LGBTQ parents reporting on the 2013 US Census (Gates, 2013), as
well as many more who do not state their relationship status on the census, addressing the needs
of children in the school system with a nontraditional family is a pressing issue for school
counselors today.
In order to examine the childrens experience in school, it is important to understand the
struggles of a lesbian or gay parent within a school system, which include reluctant
administrators and parent groups as well as school officials simply not accepting a LBGTQ
parents relationship. According to the article Involved, Invisible, Ignored: The Experiences of
Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Parents and Their Children in Our Nations K-12
Schools, the involvement of lesbian or gay parents is likely to be higher than that of a normal
parent. For example, 67% of LGBTQ parents said that they have volunteered in their childs
school at least once a semester versus 42% of other parents (Kosciw, Diaz, Gay, 2008).
However, many LGBTQ parents still dont feel comfortable coming into their childs
school because of the interaction and judgment from administrators, teachers, and other parents.
The willingness to be involved with their childs education ultimately benefits the child.
However, if a strong school-parent or teacher-parent relationship is not established early in a
childs career, there can be definite consequences for the child, including specific behaviors and
negative feelings toward school from an early age. For these reasons, children of LGBTQ

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households could potentially need additional guidance or counseling from their school counselor
relating to a myriad of issues they are facing that pertain to their family dynamic.
The most prevalent issues that children of same-sex parents face include feelings of
exclusion, verbal and physical bullying and personal sexual orientation questioningall which
could potentially affect their day-to-day school experience and education tremendously. Research
shows that most often, issues stem from the early feelings of exclusion that they experience in
school and then develop into larger issues for the child later on in their school careers.
Feeling excluded from your peers can really affect a childs well being during their
school career. Often, when it comes to children who have one or two LGBTQ parents, their
family dynamic is suppressed and discouraged. This leaves the children feeling confused,
frustrated and different from their peers. In elementary literature and curriculum, there are almost
no cases of stories representing gay or lesbian relationships, making it hard for some children to
relate to the stories. Children, when attempting to explain what is completely normal to them
(example: I have two mommies.), may be shut down by the teacher, or asked not to share their
experiences.
Kosciw, Diaz and Gay note in their article that About a fifth (22%) of students
said that a teacher, principal or other school staff person had discouraged
them from talking about their family at school, and more than a third (36%)
had felt that school personnel did not acknowledge their LGBT family (64)
(2008). Without the support of the school system to set an example of
acceptance in the school, how should we expect other children to accept
someone with a different family than their own? Children in elementary and
even middle school may not know how to handle the suppression of their

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family dynamic, however in the article, School Experiences of the Children

of Lesbian and Gay Parents, the authors point out that Secondary school
students had more insights into some of the benefits of being raised by gay
or lesbian parents and many of them felt their upbringing led them to
tolerance and an appreciation of difference (Ray, Gregory, 2001). This
shows us that learning tolerance is directly linked to a childs development,
making acceptance in the early childhood and elementary school extremely
important.
Because of the lack of curriculum and literature depicting
nontraditional families and childrens reluctance to share their family story
due to suppression from school systems and peers, children often become
shy and hesitant in the school setting. This can often lead to verbal or
physical bullying, another issue facing children with LGBTQ parents. Bullying
often begins with biased language that targets the LGBTQ population.
Phrases such as youre so gay, or thats so queer can be very offensive
to children who understand the true meaning of those labels and experience
them everyday. Verbal bullying and name-calling can get so severe that it
turns into harassment of the child.
Many times, when other children dont understand the family situation
of their peer, they will assume the child is also lesbian or gay; often asking
the child outright (example: So since your moms a lesbian, do you like girls
too?). This type of verbal bullying can lead to consequences for the student,
especially in middle and high school, when they are exploring and

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questioning their sexuality. All of the feelings that children experience: of

insecurity, of confusion and of exclusion affect how they feel at school.
Kosciw, Diaz and Gay say, Half (51%) of all students in our study reported
feeling unsafe in school because of a personal characteristic, such as their
actual or perceived sexual orientation, gender, or race/ethnicity (2008). At
a time when each child is developing at their own specific pace, it is
important for the school counselor to be aware of the bullying issues that
their school may be facing, especially towards the children with
nontraditional families.
It is important to note that the real issues that children with LGBTQ
parents face have very little to do with their actual schoolwork and academic
performance. The question is rather how do the feelings of exclusion,
difference from peers, and bullying really affect the childrens academic
performance? Most research shows that there are no significant academic
disadvantages between children of homosexual versus heterosexual
households (Rosenfeld, 2010). Differences in performance do, however, show
up in rates of grade retention.
Grade Retention in the primary grades is a strong indicator of a lack of
childhood readiness for school, and effective parenting is a crucial ingredient
of a lack of childhood readiness. Homosexual grade retention rates reached
9.7% compared to heterosexual married grade retention rates that were
6.8% in Rosenfelds study. Reasons that same-sex parenting might lead to
more grade retention include lack of legal privileges of marriage and certain

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cases where the children may have already lived through a prior parental
divorce or break-up that has left them dealing with left-over trauma. The
advantage in lower grade retention rates most likely comes from the
potentially higher economic status of heterosexual couples (Rosenfeld,
2010).
Another issue that a school counselor should be aware of is the rate of
adolescents skipping classes because of their anxiety and feelings of being
unsafe in school. Students in the current study were more than twice as
likely to have skipped a class in the past year because of feeling unsafe (15%
v. 6%) and to have missed at least one entire day of school also because of
feeling unsafe (17% v. 5%) (Kosciw, Diaz, Gay, 2008). This tardiness and
absences could potentially lead the student to becoming truant and they are
definitely missing valuable in-class instruction when they do not come to
class.
In conclusion, looking at the issues of children with LGBTQ parents is
very complicated, and an issue that should be on the forefront of every US
schools agenda. However, there is still a lack of representation of same-sex
couples in childrens literature and curriculum as well as a lack of acceptance
for the nontraditional family from parents, students and school staff. School
counselors can help these students dealing with being different from their
peers by forming supportive student clubs, training for school personnel, and
putting safe school policies in place to guard against bullying (Kosciw, Diaz,
Gay, 2008). Focusing on the value of the students education and the

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willingness of the parent to become involved in the school will hopefully be

to the benefit of not only students living with LGBTQ parents, but also
anyone they come in contact with in the schools.

References
Gates, G. (2013, 02). LGBT parenting in the United States. Retrieved from
http://williamsinstitute.law.ucla.edu/research/census-lgbt-demographics-studies/lgbt-parentingin-the-united-states/
Kosciw, J. G., Diaz, E. M., & Gay, L. Y. (2008). Involved, Invisible, Ignored: The
Experiences of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Parents and Their Children in Our
Nation's K-12 Schools. Gay, Lesbian And Straight Education Network (GLSEN). Retrieved from
http://files.eric.ed.gov/fulltext/ED500474.pdf

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Ray, V., & Gregory, R. (2001). School experiences of the children of lesbian and gay
parents. Family Matters, (59), 28. Retrieved from
http://web.a.ebscohost.com.pallas2.tcl.sc.edu/ehost/pdfviewer/pdfviewer?sid=7f880ed6-2d1d4975-9ebd-8b7b8f3a440e%40sessionmgr4004&vid=2&hid=4114
Rosenfeld, M. J. (2010). Nontraditional families and childhood progress through school.
Demography, 47(3), 755-775. Retrieved from
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3000058/?report=classic