Project 1

by Danielle Shoulman

FILE

AWD_PROJECT _1.DOCX (113.76K)

T IME SUBMIT T ED

02-FEB-2016 08:30AM

WORD COUNT

2066

SUBMISSION ID

626837641

CHARACT ER COUNT

10855

Project 1
GRADEMARK REPORT
FINAL GRADE

GENERAL COMMENTS

13

Instructor

/15

PAGE 1

Comment 1 |

St yle

interesting statement, but bigger than what?

Comment 2
In f uture projects be sure to spend a bit more time f ocusing on your sentence level word choice.
T hese f irst two sentences ask your reader to do a lot of work that they may not be able to do-e.g. understand what you mean when you say the industry has morphed into something bigger
(than it was? T han another industry? T han another country's music industry?) and e.g. the
second sentence says the music industry is a f raction of the market, which contradicts the
sentiment of the previous sentence re. it being something "big(ger)". Can you see how these
sentences individually and together are conf using? I recommend reading aloud and asking
yourself at each stage what the reader needs to know and what they might already know or
what they don't know.

Comment 3 |

Genre

good but until you get to the last sentence your reader doesn't know this has anything to do
with discourse communities...we think it has to do just with globalization of the industry...
PAGE 2

Comment 4

Analysis

good! can you say even more about the language used here? How does the language on the
website represent the discourse community? Or the academic f ield?

Comment 5

Analysis

good--direct evidence in the f orm of quotes are necessary

Comment 6

Analysis

yes! much better. Why do you think NU takes an "indirect" approach and Kobalt takes a more
direct approach like this?
PAGE 3

Comment 7 |

Genre

ok, but I'm not sure why you're looking at the website and the press release? I think just one is
all that is necessary. If the goal is to talk about the discourses, i think the press release is
important to discuss.

Comment 8
good, but can you do even more analysis of the language used? How are they setting
themselves apart? Why is "global transparency" important? What does that even mean?

Comment 9

Genre

try not to summarize here; instead try to analyze why they chose to use the language they did.
It's a press release so all the words matter. Also, what is the f orm and f unction of a press
release?
PAGE 4

Comment 10

Genre

Comment 11 |

Genre

interesting!

ok, but you're not just analyzing their "worlds" but rather the kind of discourse and language
they use...
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RUBRIC: PROJECT 1 DISCOURSE ANALYSIS

GENRE (25%)

4.25 / 5

4/5

Ef f ectively identif ies modes of writing in academia, in the prof ession, and in the discourse community.
Shows ef f ective use of citation conventions. Ef f ectively demonstrates your sense of the discourse
communitys perspective on globalization. Demonstrates anticipation of genre and audience expectations
in your own writing.
DOES NOT MEET
REQUIREMENT
(1)

does not meet any of the requirements

NEEDS SIGNIFICANT needs signif icant work to meet the requirements

WORK
(2)
ADEQUATE
(3)

adequate, but needs signif icant work

GOOD
(4)

good, but could be improved

EXCELLENT
(5)

excellent, very little revision necessary

RHET ORIC (25%)

5/5

Demonstrates understanding of rhetorical situation and audience needs in the specif ic discourse.
Ef f ectively locates the writers own relation to the modes of writing within the prof ession.
DOES NOT MEET
REQUIREMENT
(1)

does not meet any of the requirements

NEEDS SIGNIFICANT needs signif icant work to meet the requirements

WORK
(2)
ADEQUATE
(3)

adequate, but needs signif icant work

GOOD
(4)

good, but could be improved

EXCELLENT
(5)

excellent, very little revision necessary

ANALYSIS (25%)

4/5

Demonstrates caref ul reading of the artif acts/texts chosen f or investigation. Demonstrates analysis of
genre, author/s, purpose, audience, context, sources, content level, f ormat, language and visuals. Uses
suf f icient examples. Demonstrates your sense of the discourse communitys perspective on globalization.

DOES NOT MEET

REQUIREMENT
(1)

does not meet any of the requirements

NEEDS SIGNIFICANT needs signif icant work to meet the requirements

WORK
(2)
ADEQUATE
(3)

adequate, but needs signif icant work

GOOD
(4)

good, but could be improved

EXCELLENT
(5)

excellent, very little revision necessary

ST YLE (25%)

4/5

Demonstrates caref ul craf ting, including structure, with respect f or his/her primary audience. Is suf f iciently
developed. Demonstrates clear writing and is grammatically correct
DOES NOT MEET
REQUIREMENT
(1)

does not meet any of the requirements

NEEDS SIGNIFICANT needs signif icant work to meet the requirements

WORK
(2)
ADEQUATE
(3)

adequate, but needs signif icant work

GOOD
(4)

good, but could be improved

EXCELLENT
(5)

excellent, very little revision necessary