Running Head: PORTFOLIO ESSAY

Portfolio Essay
Kyle Christian

Texas A&M University

Adult Learning EHRD 630
Dr. Debra Hargrove
04/24/2016

Portfolio Essay

The end of this semester brings to an end the first year of graduate school for me and as I
look back on the past year, or even more specifically my 630 course, I have come to learn that
though I have learned a lot from my course materials, I have learned even more about myself.
Having been removed for higher education for nearly fifteen years prior to starting graduate
school I was a little apprehensive about what I was getting myself into and my ability to be
successful at a higher level of learning. I knew the study methods I had used while I was earning
my undergraduate degree would not be successful in a masters program, and in order to
complete my degree I was going to have to change my way of learning. I have also learned that
the instructors in this program have a passion for student success unlike I have ever experienced
before. The times I have struggled, I have always been able to reach out and always received a
quick response with helpful advice or insight. While earning my undergraduate degree I felt that
my instructors presented the material but it was up to me to be successful. I expected more of
that when I began this program. After all, we are graduate students and this is higher level
learning. In my short time I have come to understand that my instructors in this program have a
genuine desire for student success. I have also found that my fellow students have a desire to see
each other succeed. Whenever a problem arises its not difficult to find another classmate willing
to offer assistance or advice. Aside from my program learning, this semester I have begun to
learn what it is like to be an Aggie.
I knew the spring semester might be more difficult than the fall, simply because my
personal life becomes increasingly busy after the first of the year. But the spring semester
brought more ups and downs than I had anticipated. The start of spring for my family means the
start of baseball and soccer season. For us that means parents splitting duties, going in opposite
directions to two different sporting events. Most weekends start for us with events on Saturday

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morning and coming to an end of Sunday evening. I had to be sure that my work was done prior
to the weekend because I had a team of 6 other students depending on me to do my part and
contribute, all the while trying to maintain family as my priority. However all of that was to be
expected and I was able to mitigate those types of difficulties. It was the unforeseen low points
that had the biggest impact on positive learning for me this semester. The first such low point
came during week seven at the first part of March. Baseball season had just kicked off and our
weekends were becoming much more hectic. I had already began working on my learning
analysis writing assignment that was due in a few weeks. We had an out of town baseball
tournament at the end of that week, and I still had my weekly responsibilities to my team. But I
felt like I had a plan and all my priorities were in order. Then my wife called one night while I
was at the fire station and told me that she could not get our family dog to stand up. She (the
dog) was outside and all my wife could do was get her to stand on her front feet but she would
not get up and walk. Having been a dog owner my whole life, and having a friend go through the
same circumstance just two weeks prior, I know what it means when an animal cannot stand up.
A bomb had just been dropped in the middle of all my priorities. Everything just went to the back
burner and now all my focus was on the problem at hand. As I began to assess the situation a
myriad of thoughts began to run through my head. As pet owners we all dread the day that we
have to put an animal down. As the realization set in that this day might be upon me, school was
forgotten and I began to plan for this situation. A number of questions started to stream through
my mind: How will the kids handle this and am I going to be able to comfort them? My dog is
older than my children and she was their protector and one of their first friends. Where would I
take her to be put down? This is the only dog I have had as an adult and every animal I have had
put down before was the responsibility of my parents. And finally, where would I bury the dog

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that I have had for twelve years after she is gone? We have a decent sized yard, however the
amount of clay makes digging even a one foot hole rather hard to dig. All of these thoughts
continuously run through my head over and over as I make preparations to take off work first
thing in the morning. And when morning comes I make a phone call to my wife expecting to
hear what I dont want to hear. To my surprise, as Im talking to my wife she tells me the dog is
now up and moving and appears to be ok. Now, all the plans I had made the previous night were
put on hold and I can at least wait until I am home from work. That evening I arrive home and
find that my dog is up and moving as well as can be expected for a twelve year old. All plans that
were made the night before were scraped and I was back on track focused on my school work, at
least until the next obstacle.
As I began work on my learning analysis paper I felt confident about my topic and I felt
like my material was coming together well. In the final week as I started to complete my paper,
suddenly it didnt feel right anymore. As I tried to edit I began to feel as though I was making a
bad thing worse. The more I tried, the more I became disgusted with what I was reading. I have
had writers block before but this was different, this was huge. It was the courses biggest
writing assignment worth 30% of my overall grade and I couldnt get it together. In the past I
have been able to walk away from a paper for a while and then return with new thoughts and
continue writing. That wasnt happening for me this time and as the days went by the deadline
drew closer and the panic began. When zero hour approached I was left with no choice but to
turn in a paper that I knew was sub-par and hope for the best. Thankfully I feel as though the
writers block is behind me, however it left a huge impact on my course performance and may
have created an irreversible outcome on the grade I was hoping for this semester. Both of these

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obstacles at times made me question whether or not I had the knowledge and skills base to be a
successful grad student.
Despite these obstacles I have learned a lot myself and I have come to appreciate being
challenged as a grad student. I have learned that being challenged creates the greatest
opportunity for individual growth. When I began my professional career I found the best way to
improve in my profession was to observe and then immediately apply what was seen in a hands
on application. As we made our way through the material this semester I often thought of my
own learning experiences and how what I have learned this semester applies to me and how I
train my crew. Of all the material covered over the course of this semester the parts that I felt I
most closely related to were margin of power, reflection on action, and operant conditioning.
Before beginning the masters program I carefully evaluated my current life situation and
what I thought my future life situation might look like. After careful consideration I felt this was
the best time for me and my family. When considering the future, I saw my children more
involved in sports and other activities that would begin to require more of my free time. With an
increase in activities comes an increase in family spending, so I also felt financially now was the
better time for grad school. Finally, I felt like I was in a good place career wise to attempt a
higher level of learning. After much meditation I came to the conclusion now was the best time.
What I did not know at the time, I was evaluating my margin of power. According to Merriam,
Caffarella, and Baumgartner (2007), First presented in a 1963 publication, H.Y. McCluskys
Theory of Margin is grounded in the notion that adulthood is a time of growth, change, and
integration in which one constantly seeks balance between the amount of energy needed and the
amount available (p. 93). The text goes on to read This balance is conceptualized as a ratio
between the load of life, which dissipates energy, and the power of life, which allows one to

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deal with the load. Margin in life is the ratio of load to power. More power means a greater
margin to participate in learning (Merriam, Caffarella, and Baumgratner, 2007, p. 93). When I
read that portion of the text I had an A ha! moment. Though at the time I did not realize it,
when I was considering applying for grad school I was evaluating my margin of power.
In my career, many of the fire ground decisions are made based on past experiences. A
fire scene is a catastrophic situation rapidly changing in a hostile environment. Within a matter of
seconds are made that will affect the outcome of the situation, hopefully in a positive way, but
they may also have a negative. Seasoned firefighters carry with them a wealth of knowledge
derived from past experiences. Relying on the outcomes of those experiences allows firefighters
to make those split second decisions. The application of this type of learning can be considered
reflective practice. Reflective practice allows one to make judgements n complex and murky
situations judgements based on experience and prior knowledge (Merriam, Caffarella, and
Baumgartner, 2007, p. 172). The authors go onto say reflective practice is most often associated
with professional practice (p. 172). Knowledge from previous good and bad decision making
allow a firefighter to make definitive split second decisions.
Finally another part of the material I strongly related to during my readings was B.F.
Skinners theory of learning and operant conditioning. Much like the military, to ensure the best
possible outcome there are skills that must be performed flawlessly and with little thought. For
firefighters these skills are mastered by observing the skill and then putting it to use through
repetitious practice. Grippin and Peters defined operant conditioning to be reinforce what you
want the individual to do again; ignore what you want the individual to stop doing (as cited in
Merriam, Caffarella, and Baumgartner, 2007, p. 279). By applying this learning theory to fire

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recruits, instructors focus on the intended behavior and not encouraging incorrect performance.
With the time the skill then can be performed precisely.
While I could relate much of what I was learning to my career, there were other parts of
the material that were much more difficult for me to comprehend. At times I found the text hard
to follow and even after several times reading I still did not understand the concept. Despite not
being in a classroom setting, my group had such good communication that I was able to reach
out to someone on my team and ask their opinion on a subject matter that I was having difficulty
with. At other times, even when I thought I had a good understanding of the readings, the
discussions our group had often brought new insight and gave me a perspective I had not
considered before. The alternative perspectives the group discussions gave me often help
facilitate a deeper understanding of the material. Being somewhat of an introvert I dont often
look forward to engaging in group discussions, however it is without a doubt had I not had those
discussions with my team, my takeaways from this course would have been much more limited.
My team members work and personal lives kept us very busy even on the weekends, but
everyone always worked hard to find a mutually accommodating time to meet so that everyone
could participate in the discussion.
I am deathly afraid of failing, mostly because being an Aggie, like my father and
grandfather, is a life goal of mine. Now that I have that opportunity, not succeeding would be
even worse than never starting. I have come to learn that as student, I grow the most when I am
challenged and even when I fail a little. What I take from those experiences make me a better
student and allow me to better apply myself. I have learned that my fellow students and faculty
share the same desire to see me succeed and they truly exemplify the Aggie Spirit. I have learned
to embrace the difficulties and I am excited about the future.

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Reference:
Merriam, S. B., Caffarella, R.S., & Baumgartner, L.M. (2007) Learning in Adulthood 3rd Edition
San Francisco, CA: Jossey-Bass