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March24,2016

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BlairKing

Becomeafan

EnvironmentalScientist,Husband,Father

Parents,It'sTimeToStopUnderminingOurKids'
Teachers
Posted:03/14/20166:17pmEDT

Updated:03/21/20162:59pmEDT

Iamthefatherofthreechildren,ason(ageeight)andtwodaughters(agessevenandfour).Mywifeisaschoolteacherwhohastaught
elementaryagedchildrenforthelast15years.Sincemywifeisateacher,Ihavespentcountlesshourslisteningtoteacherstelltheirstories.
ThishascausedmetorecognizesomethingsIwouldliketosharewithmyfellowparents.
We are doing a huge disservice to our kids. We are raising a generation of children who are going to be incapable of succeeding in the
modernera.Theyarebeingtaughttobeegocentricandtogiveup,oftenbeforeeventrying.
InthispostIwanttorecountanumberoflessonsIhavegleanedfromcontactwithsomanyteachersovertheselastyears.
Parents,youarenotyourchild'sbestfriend,youaretheirparent
IfIonlygetonepointacrosstomyfellowparentsinthispostitisthatyouarenotyourchild'sfriend,youaretheirparent.Yourjobisto
instill good behaviours and morals and enforce the rules. Too many parents I meet think that they are supposed to be their child's best
friendfirst,andparentsecond.
Thatisamistake.Abestfriendisapersonwhosupportsyouingoodtimesandbadbutdoesnotholdyouaccountableforyouractionsor
disciplineyou.Thatiswhywehaveparents.
Parents,learnedhelplessnessisyourfault,notyourchild's
If there is one true failing that our generation of parents have instilled in our children it is learned helplessness, which is simply the
knowledge that if they say "I can't do something" their parent will complete the task for them. In doing so, we are raising a generation of
kidswhoeithergiveupafteronetryordon'teventryinthefirstplace.
Failureispartofgrowingupandkidsneedtolearntofail,thenpickthemselvesup,brushthemselvesoffandtryagain.Theyneedtofigure
out how to follow instructions and they need to figure out what steps to take when they are not given instructions but simply a task to
accomplish.
Show your kids how to do something (or give them the instructions), then step back and let them try themselves. Sure they will do it less
efficientlythanyoumight,butthatispartofgrowingup.Theywillgetbetterifgiventhechance,butiftheyarenevergiventhechancethey
willneverlearn.
There is nothing that frustrates a teacher more than a child who won't even try to complete a task, yet that is what they see every day
because too many helicopter parents do all the hard things for their kids leaving their children incapable, illequipped or unwilling to try
andfigureouthowtoaccomplishtasksontheirown.
Parents,youmustadvocateforyourkidsbutyoumustalsosupportyourchild'steacher
A lot of parents have been taught that it is their job to advocate for their kids. That is absolutely true. But remember, advocating for your
childshouldnottakeawayfromyourresponsibilitytosupportyourchild'steacher.Supportingyourchild'steachermeanslisteningtothem
and acknowledging what they say about your child because, believe it or not, your child may behave differently out of your presence than

theydoinit.
Manyparentsalsoseemtomissthefactthatteachersareprofessionals.Justbecauseeveryonehasgonetoschooldoesnotmeaneveryoneis
an expert in teaching. When you contradict or question your child's teacher in front of your child, you are telling your child that the
teacher'sauthorityisnottoberespected.
When a teacher tells you about something, don't turn to your child and ask if what their teacher is saying is true. You may think you are
involvingyourchildinthediscussion,butwhatyouhaveactuallydoneistoquestionthatteacher'sreliabilitytotheirface.Thinkofitfrom
theteacher'sperspective.Youhaveessentiallytoldthemthatyouwon'tbelievewhattheyjusttoldyouuntilyourchildconfirmsit.
Parents,yourchild'steachercannotreplaceyourroleinyourchild'seducation
Alotofparentshavebeenincorrectlyledtobelievethatteacherscanteachtheirkidsallthelifelessonstheyneedinschool.Asparentswe
arethepeopleresponsibleforinstillinggoodandrespectfulbehavioursinourchildren,notschools.
Alotofparentsalsosay"I'llleavethatformykid'steachertocover."Well,thinkofthenumbers.Yourchild'steacheriswiththemforabout
seven hours a day, five days a week, for about 30 weeks a year. That is not enough time to teach them how to behave on top of teaching
themthecurriculum.
Yourjobasaparentistosetanexampleandteachyourchildrentheimportantlessonsoflife.Yourchild'steacherscansupplementyour
lessons,butyouaretheoneswhoyourkidswillimitate,sogivethemsomethinggoodtoimitate.
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Conversations
164Comments

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Addacomment...

CathyPayneQueen'sUniversity
Righton!
LikeReply

16Mar15,20168:12am

LiamReillyYorkvilleUniversity

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LiamReillyYorkvilleUniversity
Wellsaid.Irespectthevocationofteachingverymuchandagreethatparents
needtolettheirchildrenmakemistakes,takeownershipoftheirbehaviours,
dustthemselvesoff,andkeeptrying.
LikeReply

56Mar15,20163:40pm

VeronicaKtt
theschoolsystemdoesn'tallowthemtomakemistakes,nooneever
fails,theycontinuetomovethrougheachgradenomatterwhat.
LikeReply

8Mar21,20164:56pm

JulieBiltonPembroke,Ontario
VeronicaKttsadlythatistheresultoftheprovince,schoolboards
andpressurebysomeparentsovertheyears(theoneswhothink
theirkidsareperfect,Iassume).Teachersdon'thavetheoptionto
holdbackachildnowforayear,eventhoughsometimeskidsjust
needanotheryeartolearnthematerialortodevelop
mentally/physically.Pushingkidsthroughwhentheyaren'tactually
readyisn'tinanyone'sbestintests.It'sfrustrating!
LikeReply

11 Mar22,20161:23am

MikeLisaWingo
VeronicaKttWhilethatmayhappeninmanyinnercity,underfunded
schoolswithfewresourcesandatransientstudentpopulation,asa
teacher,Ipromiseyoumostofthatperceptionisamyth.Sure,asin
everyprofession,thereareafewlazyteachers,butmostIknoware
committeddeeplytowardhelpingchildrenlearnthematerial,holding
themaccountable,encourangingthemtopushpastfrustrationto
continuetrying,andhelpingthembecomeselfreliant.Thenit's
parentswhocomein,usuallyattheendofterm,andaccuseteachers
ofnotbeingfair(becauseIwouldn'tacceptassignmentss... SeeMore
LikeReply

11 Mar22,20164:15pm

Show1morereplyinthisthread

NickOud
Amen!
LikeReply

7Mar15,20164:07pm

BradChadLabradorCity,NewfoundlandandLabrador
teachersareeducatedonthegovernmenttabandarewellpaidbutcontinue
tomakedemandsandthreatenjobaction.Suckitupprincess.
LikeReply

11 Mar15,20164:32pm

BarbForanWorksatQuinteHealthCare
TeachersareNOTeducatedonthegovernmenttab!!!After5yearsof
universityandmanyadditionalcourses,mysonisateacherwitha
healthyStudentLoantorepay!!Listeningtothestorieshetellsofhis
studentsandhowheishelplesstodoanythingabouttheirbad
behaviour,Iwouldnotdohisjobforanyamountofmoney!
LikeReply

201Mar15,20168:18pm

LaurieFreemanKennerCollegiateVocationalInstitute
Peoplewhobecometeacherspayfortheireducation...wheredidyou
hearsuchanignorantideathattheireducationispaidforbythe
government?
LikeReply

120Mar15,20169:26pm

CornellHessingPresidentatFounder,AxisConsultingGroup
Alluniversityeducationispartiallysubsidizedbythegovernment(for
CDNs),butIdon'tknowofanyspecialfundingforteaching.Please
correctmeifI'mwrong.
LikeReply

26Mar15,20169:38pm

Show10morerepliesinthisthread

MariaSchebeschTheUniversityofWesternOntario
AsaretiredKindergartenteacherIagreewithallthepointsyoumake!There
aremanyteacherswhotrytohelptheirstudentsbutcan'tovercomethe
influenceoftheparents.The"learnedhelplessness"wasespeciallyfrustrating.
IstartedeachyearwiththestoryofTheLittleEnginethatCouldandwould
repeatoverandoverthewords"IthinkIcan,IthinkIcan!"toanychildwho

repeatoverandoverthewords"IthinkIcan,IthinkIcan!"toanychildwho
wouldnoteventrytodoatask.
LikeReply

81Mar15,20164:58pm

JoleneClancyWorksatKindergartenTeacher
StealingthisideaformykclassTomorow
LikeReply

17Mar16,20161:48am

JamesStLouis
Tomethelanguageyouuseseemsadversarialfromthegetgoand
Imnotsureifwewouldgetalong.Imnotsureyoushouldbetryingto
"overcometheinfluence"ofaparent.Theparentsarewiththechild
forlife.Ithinkchildreningeneralshouldhavemorerespectfor
teachers.Notexactlysurehowtodevelopthat.And,thereisnodoubt
thatsomeparentsareprobablyfactorsinthefailureoftheirchildren.
ButforthemostpartIdliketothinkImisunderstandyouasremoving
childrenfromtheinfluenceoftheirparentssoundsridiculous.
LikeReply

15Mar16,20162:02am

ColleenColeCoHostess,CoAuthoratUmojaJourney
Itoldmychildrenandnowmygrandchildren,"IthinkIcan."
LikeReply

4Mar16,20162:21am

Show9morerepliesinthisthread

DaveSmithUniversityofWaterloo
Iusedtoconcurwithwhatyousay....untilimeetateacherwhotoldmy
child...andiswearthisistrue...'Mathishard...andyoudon'treallyneedit".
ThisisinGrade6....agrownadultwhohappenstobeateacher,thatfinds
mathtobedifficult..andconveysthattothestudents.Grade6!!!Now,Iask
you,shouldsomeoneevenbeteachingiftheyfindGrade6mathdifficult?
Shouldtheybeteachingmath?Iftheyfeelitisoktosharethattheyfindit
difficultandproceedtosaythatit'snotnecessarytoreallylearnthis...should
theybeteaching?Afterall,howmanyprofessionsi... SeeMore
LikeReply

35Mar15,20166:40pm

TerriMortonLenihan
Justsoyouknow,teacherspaybigtimeforthat"goldplatedpension"
youmentioned.Itisnotgiventoteachersforfree...ratheritistaken
outoftheirpaychequeeveryweek.Ifyouputaside15%ofyour
salaryeverypay,youtoocouldhavea"goldplatedpension".
LikeReply

86Mar16,20161:43am

GregMurphyPresidentatBayTechnologySolutions
Iagree.Theydon'thavemuchqualificationatall.
LikeReplyMar16,20161:45am

MichaelleTuzAtkinsonUniversityofLethbridge
Numberone,thatisnotateacher,notphilosophicallyspeaking.
Numbertwo,regardless,sadlyteachers'collegesdonotknowhowto
trainteacher,especiallyinthelittletimetheyhavetodoso.
LikeReply

3Mar16,20161:48am

Show10morerepliesinthisthread

CornellHessingPresidentatFounder,AxisConsultingGroup
Iagreeingeneral,buttherearespecificexceptions.Someteachersaregiant
horse'sasses,andeffectivelybullykids.Theseteachersneedtobekeptin
check...andchildrensimplydon'tknowtheirrights.Aresponsibleparent...a
responsiblehumanbeingalwayshearsallsidestoaconflict.Thealternativeis
mychildfeelinglikeIdon'tbelievethem...thattheyhavetofaceissues
alone...andthat'sequallyunacceptable.
LikeReply

86Mar15,20169:47pm

SusanMandersonCalgary,Alberta
arecentstudyhasshownthatteachersbullyautisticstudentsin
particular.Beenthroughthat.
LikeReply

14Mar16,20163:36am

PhilBrownLondon,Ontario
Eventuallyyourchildwillbealone,annothaveacluehowtodealwith
reality.Talktotheteacheralone.Dontundermineauthority.
Howwouldyoufeelifyourhusbandorwifeaksedyourkidtoconfirm

Howwouldyoufeelifyourhusbandorwifeaksedyourkidtoconfirm
everythingyousaidabouttheminfrontofyouasyouspeak?
Beyondthatthearticalwasn'taboutbullyingteachers,buthover
parents.
Letyourkidsfail.Itsagreatlessoninsucceeding.
LikeReply

27Mar16,20167:51am

MijoSayegh
Ihaveseenthisfirsthand,makesmesick.(teachersbullyingchildren
withautism)
LikeReply

4Mar16,201611:59am

Show10morerepliesinthisthread

KatherineCrerar
Iagreewithyourpostand*thankgod*mykidsaredoneschool.OnethingI
wouldsuggestteachersconsiderrevisiting,isthepracticeofhavingthe
childrenpresentatallparentteacherinterviews.Inmychildren'sschool,the
child"led"theinterview.Itwasdifficult,ifnotimpossible,tohaveacandid
conversationwiththeteacher.
LikeReply

34Mar15,20169:52pm

LeRoyEspinosaSouthEasternUniversity
Iamaretiredelementaryschoolprincipal(8years)butateacherfirst
(24years)andIdothinkthatachildshouldbepresentfortheirparent
teacherconference,afteralltheteacheristalkingaboutthemand
theireducation.Iftheteacherneedstospeakwiththeparentalone
theycanaskthechildtostepoutforasecond.WhatIdohavea
problemwithisstudentswhoaresittinginthewholeIEPmeetingand
listeningtothecounselor,andallthespecialistwhotestedthestudent
saythatthechildwillhaveoutbursts,curse,throwthings,bephysical
withstudentsandteachers,run... SeeMore
LikeReply

1Mar20,20169:25pm

RandieJWassonWoytiuk
ThatChildledinterviews,isSchoolBoardidea,notteachers
LikeReply

3Mar22,20161:12am

ShaunaLindsey
RandieJWassonWoytiukYup.Itisoneofthemanyeducationfads
thathavecirculatedinthelastfifteenyears.Buttherewillalwaysbe
fads.Aslongasachildisstillgettingfoundationallessonsand
opportunitiesforgrowth,thefadsshouldn'taffecthimmuch.
LikeReply12hrs

JenniferBrewerToronto,Ontario
Iwouldn'tsaythataskingthechild"Isthattrue?'underminestheteacher's
authorityor"involves"thechildinthediscussion.It'smorelikeputtingthekid
inthehotseatandforcingthemto'fessup!!Bothparentandteacherglaring
atthesquirmingkid,kidsaying"Well..maybe..Iguessso...yeah."
LikeReply

20Mar15,201611:42pm

TerriMortonLenihan
IthoughtthesamethingwhenIreadthatsection.
LikeReply

6Mar16,20161:45am

LeslieBellLindsay,Ontario
Thereisabetterwaytoinvolvethechildthanaskingifit'strue.Asking
ifit'struedoesimplythattheparentdoesnottrustthewordofthe
teacher.Askingyourchildwhattheyhavetosayaboutitwouldstill
involvethemwithoutquestioningtheteacherstruthfulness
LikeReply

31Mar16,20161:55am

HeidiATester
LeslieBellItdoesimplythat,butwhenmymothersaidit,Iwasinthe
hotseat.
LikeReply

6Mar16,20165:50am

Show10morerepliesinthisthread

LillyMeredithLegalAssistantatLacourciereAssociates
Teachersneedtonotundermineparentsandtheyneedtostopmentally

Teachersneedtonotundermineparentsandtheyneedtostopmentally
abusingandphysicallyabusingthechildren.IfIhadmorechildrentheywould
havetobehomeschooledbecauseteachersthinktheyareGod's.Andthat
theyareabovethelaw
LikeReply

15Mar15,201611:43pm

BrianMiller
Wow.Yourcommenttakesthecake!Yoursweepinggeneralizations
"theyneedto..."and"teachersthinktheyare..."areabsurdand
slanderous.ForsomeonewhopurportstoworkasaLegalAssistant
onyourprofile,youmightwishtogobackandstudyupabit!
LikeReply

39Mar16,201610:49pm

GinaDelPortoMoredaYerington,Nevada
Soyouaresayingeveryteachermentallyandphysicallyabuses
children?TwentyyearsasateacherandIhaveneverbeenaccused
ofeitherofthosethings.WhatIdidhearfromaformerstudents
parentlastweekendwas..."Thankyou!Withoutyouoursonwould
havenevergraduated.".Iguessnotallteachersaretheevilmonsters
societylikestocallus.
LikeReply

25Mar17,20164:57am

MartinHellingWorksatWilma'sPlace(G)(Theonlyschoolthat
matters)
Sadlythepercentageofparentsabusingtheirownchildernisfar
higherthenteachersthatdoso.
LikeReply

29Mar17,20168:32am

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