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Upbringing and Who You Are

Children around the world are raised differently from each other. One child is born into a
life of luxury and is taught that he is superior to others, while another child may grow up in
poverty and quickly learn to appreciate the simple things in life. When becoming a parent, there
is no rule book about how to raise a child, hence making every parent have a unique style.
Parents bring their own knowledge of their experiences as children to their new role too. The
upbringing of a child, however, affects his/her identity more than anything else. Some may say
that as children drift away from their parents and spend more time with their friends, they are
easily influenced and forget everything that their parents taught them. On the contrary though, no
matter how far a person drifts from their parents, the ones who raised them are still their first
teachers. They are the ones who taught them right from wrong and the ones who instilled the
original values the child possesses. Identity is the resemblance of who we are, and upbringing is
deeply intertwined with how one's identity is formed.
The mothers relationship with the child has a tremendous impact on their life and
identity. Almost all children, especially girls, have looked up to their mother as a role model and
nurturer at some point in their lives. The theory of attachment, discovered by Ainsworth and
Erikson who are two well-known scientists in this field, states that infants who have learned
attachment grow into children who look to the mother for guidance and rely on her as a safe base
for exploration (Brogan). If a person is dependent on their mother, they are likely to have a
personality that is different from one who was always independent of their mother. This
fundamental difference can have a big effect on identity. Whether or not a person becomes
dependent on their mother, though, is all in how the person is raised. The childs upbringing that
is fostered by love from their mother is more likely to explore the world around them without

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fear. It has also been discovered that people who have a healthy relationship with their mothers
are more confident. The mother with a child dependent on her unknowingly taught her child
through their close relationship that their life has order and purpose (Brogan). On the other hand,
the lack of a personal connection between mother and child results in a much different
relationship and overall identity: Failure in attachment and in trust results in a confused child
who is not sure about trusting parents and/ or may have little discretion in trusting others
(Brogan). This childs mother had a different parenting style. Usually, this lack of trust in the
relationship is caused by how the child was raised. Whether they felt that they were never good
enough for their mother or the child unfortunately never had the opportunity to have a
relationship with his mother, the untrusting relationship can be traced to the style of upbringing
or the absence of the relationship altogether. Commonly, when a person cant trust their own
mother, they find it difficult to form trusting relationships with others. The results of both of
these styles of upbringing have an unique effect on the child's personality. Ultimately, personality
is a big part of identity, so this difference in personality causes a difference in identity as well.
The manner in which a mother raises her child has a permanent effect on how the identity of the
child is formed.
Parents use different methods to discipline their child, and how they go about doing so
affects the childs identity. Some parents resort to spanking their child in order to keep them from
misbehaving. In reality though, this form of punishment has unfavorable consequences: The
conclusion is if you were spanked often as a child, you'll likely resort to misbehaving even more,
but you'll learn how to do it without getting caught (Bear). Many people will attest to the fact
that spanking was part of their upbringing. The spanked person was more likely to become
sneaky and a pro at flying under the radar so that they could continue doing wrong without being

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spanked. This behavior stays with the child forever, thereby showing how this factor of their
upbringing shaped them as a human being. Another style of disciplining is helicopter parenting,
where the parents hover over the childs every action. As children are more and more pressured
to meet unreasonable standards, the more their identity is affected, The threat of criticism has
corrosive effects on attitudes toward parents and self-development, and contaminates relationship
with others (Marano). The child learns from their parents that not meeting standards is
unacceptable and will most certainly be punished. This tarnishes the child's desire to branch out
and try new things. It also may causae them to become laser focused on certian prospects of their
life, and completely neglect others. The fear of failure hinders the the childs ability to move
forward with life and fully develop all of their life skills. Children are often permanently affected
by the disciplinary habits of their parents.
It is often believed that as a child grows and matures, the effect parents had on their
children are completely erased and replaced by peers influence. However, it has been
scientifically proven that this is not the case. The values and morals that a parent teaches their
child will not just disappear overnight, and are more than likely to always be a part of them.
Also, there is always the circumstance where the child stands by their own values when faced
with temptation, and helps their friends to do the same (Anderson).
There are many factors that make up someones identity, but upbringing is the most
influential one of all. While it is true many people move away from the environment where they
were raised, the memories of what was learned are never forgotten. Family relationships and
disciplining style are both part of upbringing and affect identity. Being aware of the crucial role
of upbringing on a persons identity is motivation enough to strive to instill purposeful values in

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a child. Individuals take on the role of parenthood everyday, and the future of their childs
identity rests in the palm of their hands.

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Works Cited
Anderson, Peggy. "Who's More Important to Your Teen? Peers or Parents?" Www.ag.ndsu.edu.
North Dakota State University, 21 Oct. 2013. Web. 12 Apr. 2016.
Bear, Drake. "How 14 Things That Happened To You In Childhood Shape You As An Adult."
Business Insider Australia. Business Insider Australia, 28 July 2014. Web. 10 Apr. 2016.
Brogan, Ray. "Identity Development." Identity Development. Education.com, 23 Dec. 2009.
Web. 10 Apr. 2016.
Marano, Hara E. "Helicopter ParentingIt's Worse Than You Think." Psychology Today.
Psychology Today, 13 Jan. 2014. Web. 10 Apr. 2016.
Smith, Ann. "Can Our Childhood Really Predict Our Future?" Psychology Today. Psychology
Today, 28 Apr. 2010. Web. 10 Apr. 2016