Crystal Chau

De Piero Writing 2
WP 2
Same Topic, Different Aspect
As a college student, I have been introduced to many different types of drugs, but
when did substance use become such a common thing? Substance use/abuse seems to
peak in teenage/college years, but how does it affect them? Are there any factors that
cause more or less substance use? Upon reading Mental Health in First Grade and
Teenage Drug, Alcohol, and Cigarette Use and Teenage sex, drugs and alcohol use:
problems identifying the cause of risky behaviors, I was able to answer these questions
from an economists point of view and a psychologists point of view. To get an even
better picture of this topic, MTV published an article on The Connection Between Teen
Pregnancy and Substance Abuse. With the first two articles being scholarly articles, they
follow the usual abstract, introduction, methods, result, discussion, and references
template while the MTV article is more casual with straight-to-the-point information.
Many articles can be found online for one simple topic, but the author, depending on their
major/discipline, can affect the way the text is laid out and the information it focuses on.
Even though the three articles revolve around the same topic, they still fall under
different genres because of the information the authors use to support their claim. As
stated by Mike Bunn, it is important to consider the genre of a piece of writing because
the conventions for each genre can be very different (Bunn 77). Because Teenage sex,
drugs and alcohol use: problems identifying the cause of risky behaviors focuses more
on the psychological aspect of drug use, it would be considered a psychological study

Zack De Piero 5/13/2016 2:14 AM

Comment [1]: Crystal! This title is
suuuuuuuper-boring, don't you think? Get
me jazzed about your WP2! Also, and
more importantly, it's not specific -- it
doesn't key me in on what your paper is all
about.
Zack De Piero 5/13/2016 2:16 AM
Comment [2]: I like the start, but one
consideration:
This may be a personal pet peeve of mine,
but Id like to advise you to steer clear of
things in academic writing (maybe even
all writing!). Its suuuuuuper vague.
Academic writing requires precision and
specificitybe direct and tell me exactly
what youre talking about. Pick the 1 word
that really captures the idea(s) that you
want to get across.

Zack De Piero 5/13/2016 2:18 AM

Comment [3]: These questions are
"building" very nicely. You're gaining good
momentum here.
Zack De Piero 5/13/2016 2:18 AM
Comment [4]: Nice!
Zack De Piero 5/13/2016 2:19 AM
Comment [5]: I think you're missing a
chance to end this sentence with a "which
helped me understand/consider..."
Zack De Piero 5/13/2016 2:22 AM
Comment [6]: Crystal, I'd like more
direction here:
You're mentioning a casual tone, and I'm
wondering OK, so what?
Also, I know the scholarly articles have a
similar format/structure, but... again, so
what? What *about* the structure can you
make a claim about? How can you bring
in some kind of evaluative component?
Get more specific and zoom in on what
you want to convince me of!

report while Mental Health in First Grade and Teenage Drug, Alcohol, and Cigarette
Use would be considered an economic report. From this, we can see that even though
both articles are considered scholarly articles, it can still further split into subgenres. The
Connection Between Teen Pregnancy and Substance Abuse would be considered an
entertainment article because MTV would only post an article about teen pregnancy

Zack De Piero 5/13/2016 2:24 AM

Comment [7]: Is there a need to lay out
the full title again? It's eating up quite a bit
of space.
Zack De Piero 5/13/2016 2:24 AM
Comment [8]: Plus, you already
established this.

because they want their viewers to understand more about their show Teen Mom,
which would hopefully keep their viewers interested in the show.
Right away, when looking at these articles, the readers can see that the two
scholarly articles are much more formal with an abstract, introduction, method, result,
discussion, and reference sections. Also, these two articles have professionals as the
author to make their article trustworthy, which is why it is labeled a scholarly article. For
the MTV article, it is much shorter than the other two articles and the author did not
conduct his/her own study. The author simply summarized the findings of another study
and how it applies to the show. Also, the author of the article does not have a name, but
he/she only lists himself/herself as EDITOR. I think this is an important difference
between a scholarly article and a mainstream article. The source of a scholarly article is
crucial so the authors name and education background must be listed in the article, while
a mainstream article doesnt even care for the authors name to be listed. From this, we
can see how much the audiences of each article cares about the levels of accuracy. Of
course, scholarly articles are expected to have a higher level of accuracy, while most
people read articles on websites like MTV for entertainment.
Although all three articles are about the same topic, the goals of these articles are
not the same. In Teenage sex, drugs and alcohol use: problems identifying the cause of

Zack De Piero 5/13/2016 2:25 AM

Comment [9]: You already established
this too. Tell me once, then keep the train
rolling!
(Unless, that is, you're deliberately telling
me more than once for some kind of
desired effect.)

Zack De Piero 5/13/2016 2:26 AM

Comment [10]: Isn't the MTV writer a
"professional" writer? Why or why not?
Zack De Piero 5/13/2016 2:27 AM
Comment [11]: This is a little vague and
also confusing. What author? And what
study? And what findings?
(Why are you bringing in this information?
How/why does it help support your
argument?)

Zack De Piero 5/13/2016 2:28 AM

Comment [12]: OK, this could certainly
be important, but (1) is it relevant to your
argument? and (2) is this paragraph the
best place for it? (If so, how/why does it fit
into the structural aspects you mentioned
earlier.)
Zack De Piero 5/13/2016 2:28 AM
Comment [13]: What do you mean by
this? Accuracy? What kind of accuracy?
Zack De Piero 5/13/2016 2:30 AM
Comment [14]: Can you get more
precise in this topic sentence? I like how
you tell me that this paragraph will be
focusing on goals, but what goals? (And
why?)

risky behaviors, which is written by an economist, the researcher seems to be focused on

societys economic effects from substance use. The questions posed by this researcher are
whether how society functions affects how much substance use teenagers participate in.
For the conclusion, they talked about how substance use may cause a higher amount of
sexual activity, which becomes an important health issue to society. In the other scholarly
article, Mental Health in First Grade and Teenage Drug, Alcohol, and Cigarette Use,
the researcher focused more on the psychological effects substances has on teenagers.
The goal of this article was to show how substance affects a teenagers academic
performance and who would be more likely to use substance. Clearly, the two articles

Zack De Piero 5/13/2016 2:31 AM

Comment [15]: Oooooh! Tell me more!
What question(s) did other disciplinary
researcher(s) ask? How do these
questions provide insight into how they
see the world and what they value? How
does it shed light on how this topic is
studied and understood?
Zack De Piero 5/13/2016 2:30 AM
Comment [16]: Find another way to
"quicken this up." It's slowing me down as
a reader and it feels a bit fluffy.
Zack De Piero 5/13/2016 2:32 AM
Comment [17]: Such as?

were very different despite both being scholarly journals; one article focused of its effects
on society as a whole while the other focused on individual effects. Similar to Mental
Health in First Grade and Teenage Drug, Alcohol, and Cigarette Use, the MTV article
also focuses more on the effects substances have on individuals because their targeted
audience is teenagers/young adults specifically. Something different about the MTV

Zack De Piero 5/13/2016 2:33 AM

Comment [18]: In what way?
Zack De Piero 5/13/2016 2:34 AM
Comment [19]: Such as?
Zack De Piero 5/13/2016 2:33 AM
Comment [20]: And is "basic" a
"problem"? Why or why not?

scholarly article, it is much more detailed and longer than the MTV article, which only

Zack De Piero 5/13/2016 2:34 AM

Comment [21]: Think about what you
know about your major, i.e., actuary
science -- what types of statistics does
*that field* value, and why? How is that
similar to or different from what's
haeppning here?

talks about basic statistics and effects.

That's the kind of specific connection that I

want you to be making, Crystla.

article is that it only talks about how substance affects the individuals actions. Because
Mental Health in First Grade and Teenage Drug, Alcohol, and Cigarette Use is a

Between the three articles, it is quite clear that the authors writing styles are
different. Their individual writing styles are made up of their own unique moves. As
mentioned before, one of the moves authors of scholarly articles almost always used is
establishing trustworthiness. Both authors clearly list out their credentials and all the
references they used. While the authors of the scholarly articles might have been able to

Zack De Piero 5/13/2016 2:36 AM

Comment [22]: Can you work in a
transition from the previous paragraph
(and the ideas in it) to this paragraph (and
the ideas in it)?
Put another way: why place this paragraph
*here*? How/why does it build off of the
last one?
Dropping that kind of
language/explanation into your sentence
here could help me see how the parts fit
together -- that is, how your argument is
unfolding.

hook their readers with their credentials, the editor of MTV had to use other methods to
hook its audience since their credential is most likely not as strong. To do this, he/she
must satisfy its audience, which is entertaining them. In The Connection Between Teen
Pregnancy and Substance Abuse, the author talks about the drama in the show right
away to make sure it gets the audiences attention. This immediately shows a difference
in a scholarly article and a mainstream article. Scholarly articles focuses on explaining
their study, while mainstream articles have to worry about keep their audience
entertained, but still clearly getting their point across.
While credentials are important, results and data are just as important. We can see
that statistical data is important when trying to prove a claim under the substance use
topic because all three articles include some sort of statistical support whether its a

Zack De Piero 5/13/2016 2:41 AM

Comment [23]: I think you could achieve
what you laid out here in 1 sentence, 2
lines, tops.
Get more specific! Use the texts/sources
to back up your claims. Help me SEE
what you're seeing.

scholarly article or not. Through the three different articles, we can see how statistics can
look and be used differently. In the scholarly articles, the statistics looks way more
detailed and harder to understand than the statistics listed in the MTV article. For the
scholarly articles, their statistics included standard deviations, variance, etc. while the
MTV article simplified their statistics into one sentence like this: More than one-third of
teens who have had sex say that theyve gone farther sexually while under the influence
of drugs or alcohol than they would have while sober (The Connection Between Teen
Pregnancy and Substance Abuse). Without having to go through all the complex
statistics, they can just read the end result.
Even though it makes sense that more complex language is used in scholarly
articles because the authors have studied the topic much more than other people, it also
says something about its targeted audience. Because the language is so much more

Zack De Piero 5/13/2016 2:41 AM

Comment [24]: Ah ha! Ok, now I'm
wondering: so what? Why is this
important? What's the value in
acknowledging this? How does this relate
back to your argument?

complex, it implies that the author expects other professionals in a similar field to read
these articles. The author would not want to put something in their article if they didnt

Zack De Piero 5/13/2016 2:43 AM

Comment [25]: In what way(s)?
Evidence?

expect their audience to understand it. Similarly, MTV has a more diverse audience so to
make sure their audience understands their article, they must simplify the statistics they
use to make sure it is understandable to everyone. Also, MTV is an entertainment source
and their audience is usually a younger crowd, which makes it less likely for them to be
familiar with complex terms used in scholarly articles. If MTV were to use the same type
of language used in the scholarly articles, its readers would lose interest very quickly
because they wouldnt understand much and their purpose of reading if for entertainment
so they would want something quick and simple. Word choices can definitely be one of
the easiest ways to identify the targeted audience.
As I look through these articles, I noticed a pattern in each article where the
supporting statistic is presented and then it is followed by an explanation. This method is
very effective most of the time because it lets the readers know why it matters and how it
could affect them; again, this is a way to keep the readers engaged so this can be
considered a move that a lot of authors use. In Teenage sex, drugs and alcohol use:
problems identifying the cause of risky behaviors, the authors even listed out what the
statistical symbols meant, which I found very helpful because I wouldnt have understood
what the data meant without it. It is always important to explain data and not just place
them in the writing, which is why the analysis section of scholarly articles are very
important.
As stated before, scholarly articles usually follow the abstract, introduction,
methods, result, and discussion format, but because the MTV article is not a scholarly

Zack De Piero 5/13/2016 2:43 AM

Comment [26]: So how does this
actually happen in the MTV piece?

article, we see a different structure. Janet Boyd talks about how the tone and language of
a piece of writing can be very different based on the audience. MTV is an entertainment
source so it really tries to keep its readers interested. The article starts out by introducing
the main character of the article and her problems, which is on one of their TV shows.

Zack De Piero 5/13/2016 2:43 AM

Comment [27]: Seems like you may
have been able to weave this into your
paper at an earlier point(s).

This way they can tell the readers why she is so interesting to read about. Then they
introduce an issue [substance use] that is common amongst its targeted audience, teens.
After that, they include statistics to support why this issue is a concern. Even though
these statistics are simplified, it still helps them make their writing more trustworthy.
They end with a recap of how the main character is doing, which may invoke the targeted
audience to keep up with the show because they empathize with the characters problems.
The structure of this article was very effective for me because as a teenager, I like reading
something short for entertainment so it was the perfect length for me and it persuaded me
that I should care about this topic more. If this article were any longer, the audience may
have gotten bored and zone out. The author had a good amount of statistics and a good
amount of the show incorporated into this article. I think the author was also very
strategic about the end of the article because he/she talks about how the character is still
in the process of fixing her issues with substance abuse and it keeps the readers hooked
on to find out whether shes actually successful.
Although scholarly pieces are more trustworthy, non-academic pieces can be just
as effective for some people in some cases. Because scholarly pieces are so long, it can
be hard for readers to stay focused a lot of the times; therefore, non-academic pieces are
often more concise, which appeals to some readers more. While it is good to be concise,
the author must still be informative. Scholarly pieces seem to always be more persuasive

Zack De Piero 5/13/2016 2:44 AM

Comment [28]: I'm not convinced. How
can you persuade me that this is
happening?

because off all the data it has to support its claim; therefore, that is something a nonacademic piece cannot accomplish. It cannot credibly persuade its audience.
Professionals who understand the terms used in the scholarly pieces may find the
scholarly pieces more persuasive because they actually understand it, whereas, people
who are not in the field may prefer the mainstream article because everything has already
been simplified and they dont need to know how that result was reached. The scholarly
pieces are able to provide its audience with an in-depth explanation of its study and how
it got its results. The non-academic pieces are still able to provide its reader with the
same end result, just without the details that they dont need. Both genres are effect when
read by their intended audience.
Whether it is a scholarly or non-scholarly piece, both genres can accomplish the
same end result, but it is the in-between content that differs. While the scholarly piece is
more complex and detailed, its intended audience will be able to understand it just like
how the intended audience for non-scholarly pieces will understand and enjoy those
pieces instead.

Works Cited
Boyd, Janet. "Murder! (Rhetorically Speaking)." 2011. Writing Spaces: Reading on
Writing. Ed. Charles Lowe and Pavel Zemliansky. Vol. 2. N.p.: n.p., n.d. 87-101. Print.
Bunn, Mike. "How to Read Like a Writer." 2011. Writing Spaces: Reading on Writing.
Ed. Charles Lowe and Pavel Zemliansky. Vol. 2. N.p.: n.p., n.d. 71-86. Print.
Editor. "The Connection Between Teen Pregnancy And Substance Abuse." News. N.p.,
12 June 2012. Web. 09 May 2016. <http://www.mtv.com/news/2383236/teen-momamber-drug-alcohol/>.
Kellam, S. "Mental Health in First Grade and Teenage Drug, Alcohol, and Cigarette
Use." Drug and Alcohol Dependence 5.4 (1980): 273-304. Google Scholar. Web. 9 May
2016.
Rashad, Inas, and Robert Kaestner. "Teenage Sex, Drugs and Alcohol Use: Problems
Identifying the Cause of Risky Behaviors." Journal of Health Economics 23.3 (2004):
493-503. Google Scholar. Web. 9 May 2016.

Writing 2 Feedback Matrix for WP2

Table of Textual Features and Qualities
Did Not Meet
Expectations
Thesis Statement

Use of Textual Evidence from

Genres

Use of Course Readings

Analysis

Exceeded
Expectations

X-

Organization/Structure

Attention to Genre/Conventions
and Rhetorical Factors

X-

Attention to Moves

Exploration of Disciplinarity

Sentence-level Clarity,
Mechanics, Flow
Comments and Grade

Met
Expectations

Crystal,
Check out my comments on some ways to improve
this paper for your portfolio. I made quite a few
suggestions -- in the form of questions -- but I think
youre biggest two priorities should be (1) whats
my main argument (and why is it important) and (2)
how can I back that up with textual evidence?
Z
6/10