Molina1

JasmineMolina
English1P,Ms.Holt
January28,2016

PeopleareEvil

Doeverwonderwhypeopleareevil?Wellyourenottheonlyone.Manypeopledecideto
beevilanddestroyourcommunitymore.Somepeopleareevilbynaturebecauseofcareless,
mobmentalityandtheyseekrevenge.

Onereasonwhypeopleareevil
,
isbecausetheyrecareless.Forexample,inthestory
Thankyoumaam,thelittleboy,Roger,ranupbehindalargewomenandtriedtosnatchher
purse.Withoutthinkinghowshewouldfeel.Apparently,Rogerwasonlythinkingabout
himself.Alsointhearticle,TheSniper,themankillsanoldladyforgivingawayhishiding
spot.Asyoucansee,thesniperiscarelessofwhohekills.Afterallhewasatwarsohehadtodo
hisbesttosurvive.

Furthermore,mobmentalityisanotherthingbadpeopledo.Itcanhurtpeople,orevenkill
them.Inthestory,TheLordofTheFlies,thereisahugemobmentality.WhenJackandhis
tribethinktheyseethebeast,theygoandattack.ButwhattheyactuallyseeisSimoncrawling
outoftheforest.Soeveryone,includingPiggyandRalph,goandstarttostambSimonto
death.RalphandPiggyfolowedthecrowedinsteadofthemselves,anddidntknowwhatwas
goingon.Mobmentalitycanalsohappenatasoccergame.ThisonetimeIsawont.vandthere
wasafoul,somanypeoplegotangery.Thisonedudestartedtothrowitemstothefieldand
thensooneveryonestartedtothrowthings.Secueitiescameandhadtoarrestsomepeoplefor
makingachaos.Somepeoplegotinjured.Onepersoncancauseahugemobmentalityforno
goodreason.

However,evilisshownmoreforpeoplewhosearchrevenge.InthestoryTheSniper,he
getshisrevengeonhisenemyaccrossthestreet.Hisenemytriedtpkillhimwhenthesniper
lightsuphiscigarretteinthedark.Thesniperdidntcarewhoitisbecausehejustneedstosurviv
einthecivilwar.Nevertheless,JackfromTheLordofTheFlies,getsrevengeonRalphfor
somethingunnecassary.WhenRalphgettobecomecheif,Jackgetsupsetanddecidestomakehis
owntribe.ThatisabigrevengebecuasehetookeveryonefromRalphjustbecausehedidntget
tobecheif.Basedontheevidance,readersmaysayevilpeoplemayseakforrevengefornogood
reason.

Althoughsomeonewoulddisagreewithme,Iknowpeopleareeviliftheychoosetobe
evil.Somepeopledontcareaboutanything,theyremobmentalityandtheseek


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vengeance.However,mysisteronceseekedrevengeonmebecauseIgotherintrouble.Its
essentialforpeopletorecognizehowevilpeoplecanbe.Peopleshouldchangehowtheyare
becausethereisalreadytoomanyevilpeopleinthisworld.

Rubricratingsubmittedon:2/10/2016,7:23:30AMbybholt@ggusd.net

Statement
of
Purpose/F
ocus
Your
score:4

Superior
abClaim
and
countercla
imsare
superiorto
a5

Strong
a.Claimis
clear,
focused
and
maintaine
dandb.
Alternate
or
opposing
claim(s)
are
adequatel
y
addressed

Proficient
a.Claim
isclear,
andfor
themost
part
maintaine
d,though
some
loosely
relevant
material
maybe
presentb.
Alternate
or
opposing
claim(s)
are
introduced

Marginal
a.Claim
maybe
clearly
focused,
butis
insufficient
ly
sustained
andb.
Alternate
or
opposing
claim(s)
are
unclearor
unfocused

Weaka.
Claimis
unfocused
and
insufficient
ly
sustained.
b.
Alternate
or
opposing
claim(s)
are
unclearor
not
present

Inadequat Offtopic,
ea.
no
Claimmay repsonse
be
confusing
or
ambiguou
s.b.
Alternate
or
opposing
claim(s)
arenot
present

Organizati
on
Your
score:3

Superior
c.
Transition
al
Stategies
and
logical
progresion
ofideas
are
superiorto
a5

Strongc.
Consistent
useof
transitiona
l
strategies
d.Logical
progressio
nofideas
from
beginning
toende.
Effective
introductio
nand
conclusion
for
audience

Proficient
c.
Adequate
useof
transitiona
l
strategies
withsome
variety
d.
Adequate
progressio
nofideas
from
beginning
toend
e.
Adequate

Marginal
c.
Inconsiste
ntuseof
basic
transitiona
l
strategies
withlittle
variety
d.Uneven
progressio
nofideas
from
beginning
toende.
Introductio
nand

Weakc.
Limited
useof
basic
transitiona
l
strategies
withlittle
orno
varietyd.
Unclear
progressio
nofideas
from
beginning
toende.
Introductio
nand

Inadequat Offtopic,
ec.Few no
orno
repsonse
transitiona
l
strategies
are
evidentd.
Hasa
majordrift
inthe
progressio
nofideas
e.
Introductio
nor
conclusion
maynot


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and
purpose

introductio conclusion conclusion bepresent

nand
are
are
conclusion present
attempted

elaboratio
nof
evidence
Your
score:2

Superior
Exception
ally
coherent
and
welldevel
oped
argument

Strongf.
Useof
relevant
evidence
from
sourcesis
integrated
with
appropriat
ecitation.
g.
Effective
useof
elaborativ
e
technique
s

Proficient
f.Some
evidence
from
sourcesis
integrated,
though
citations
maybe
generalor
imprecise.
g.Adequat
euseof
some
elaborativ
e
technique
s

Marginal
f.
Evidence
from
sourcesis
weakly
integrated
and
citations,if
present
are
uneven.
g.Marginal
oruneven
useof
elaborativ
e
technique
s

Weakf.
Evidence
from
sourcesis
included,
butnot
integrated
or
appropriat
elycited
g.Elaborat
ive
technique
sare
weak

Inadequat
ef.Use
of
evidence
from
sources
minimal,
absent,in
error,or
irrelevant
g.
Elaborativ
e
technique
sare
absent

Offtopic,
no
repsonse

language
and
vocabular
y
Your
score:3

Superior
Impressiv
econtrol
of
language

Strongf.
Effective
useof
elaborativ
e
technique
s

Proficient
f.
Adequate
useof
some
elaborativ
e
technique
s

Marginal
f.Marginal
oruneven
useof
elaborativ
e
technique
s

Weakf.
Elaborativ
e
technique
sare
weak

Inadequat
ef.
Elaborativ
e
technique
sare
absent

Offtopic,
no
repsonse

conventio
ns
Your
score:3

Superior
Demonstr
ates
syntactical
variety,
and
superior
grammar,
usage,
and
sentence
formation.
Standard

Strongi.
Demonstr
atessome
syntactical
variety,
butmay
have
minor
errorsin
grammar,
usage,
and
sentence

Proficient
i.Some
evidence
from
sourcesis
integrated,
though
citations
maybe
generalor
imprecise.
j.Adequat
euseof

Marginal
i.Useof
academic
and
domainsp
ecific
vocabular
ymayat
timesbe
inappropri
ateforthe
audience
and

Weaki.
Useof
academic
and
domainsp
ecific
vocabular
yislargely
inappropri
ateforthe
audience
and
purpose

Inadequat Offtopic,
ei.Uses no
limited
repsonse
academic
language
or
domainsp
ecific
vocabular
yandhas
littlesense
of
audience


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useof
punctuatio
n,
capitalizati
on,and
spelling

formation
j.
Standard
useof
punctuatio
n,
capitalizati
on,and
spelling

some
elaborativ
e
technique
s

purposej.
Frequent
errorsin
grammar
andusage
may
obscure
meaning

j.Frequent
errorsin
grammar,
usage,
and
sentence
formation
obscure
meaning

and
purposej.
Errorsin
grammar,
usage,
and
sentence
formation
are
frequent
and
severe,
and
meaning
isoften
obscured

Comments:
Youhaveastrongbaseforyouressaybecauseyouhavethreestrongreasons,cleartopic
sentences,andyouchosepartsofthetextsthatsupportyourthesis.

However,itisimportanttoincludequotesastextevidence.Thiswasamajorrequirementofthe
essay.

Also,continuetoworkonthematterssentence.Explaintotheaudiencehowthepartofthe
storythatyouusedprovesyourtopicsentenceandyourthesis.

Score:3