C.L.

2009

reflections on the college application essay

Writing,saidE.B.White, isanactoffaith,notatrickofgrammar.Itsnotanykindoftrick, infact.Atitsbest,itsjustyou.

Afterreadinganumberofessays,Iwasquiteintriguedbythepatternsevidentinmostofthem.Manyof thesamethemeswereusedbydifferentwriters;someessayswerebrilliantlyunique.Sohereismy attempttoprovideabriefcategorizationofthecommontypesofessays/essaywritersthatIvenoticed, addressedto(imaginary)futurewriterswhowillattempttheordealortheenjoyableexperiencethatis thecollegeapplicationessay.

The Incurably Clich

Different names, different places, same story. Whatsortofclichsshouldyoutrytoavoidtalkingabout(badly)?
TheTrip:Ihadtoadjusttoverydifferentfoods,customs,evendailyschedules,inmyvisitto Europe/Israel/Cleveland/fillintheblank.EverythinginTripessaysisdifferentexcepttheessayitself, whichisjustlikeallotherTripessays. MissAmerica:ThisessayIthinkworldpeaceisthemostimportantissuefacingustodayoffers simplemindedsolutionsforcomplexproblemsthatyoudontreallyknowthefirstthingaboutfrom personalexperience. ThePerspirant:Inresponsetotheessayprompttodiscussachallengeyouvefaced,studentanxiety oftenleadstoThisessayisthegreatestchallengeIhaveeverfaced.Dontwriteabouttheprocessof applying(admissionsofficerssometimescallsuchapplicantssweaty). TheJock:Throughwrestling,Ihavelearneddiscipline,determination,andhowtoworkwithpeople. Writtenbymanytypesofstudents,notjustnecklessmouthbreathers,thisisntasubjectbutaformula: ThroughX,IhavelearnedNobleValueA,HighPlatitudeB,andGreatLessonC.(Youknowyouvewritten thisessayifyoucansubstitutemycareerasamugger,hardwork,orcookingmealsatthesoup kitchen,formugger,anditstillmakessense.)Inessays,andinlife,attemptstoforcepeopleinto choosingwhattothinkofyoudontwork.Youjusthavetobeyourself;theygettodecidewhattothink. PetDeath:AsIwatchedButtonslifeebbawayinthestreet,IrealizedalltheimportantthingsIvaluein thisworld.Ifyouhavepets,feelfreetokeepthemaliveaslongaspossible.Iftheydie,digahole,have alovelyceremony,andthenkeepquietaboutit.(Incidentally,E.B.Whitewroteoneofthegreatessaysof thiscentury,DeathofPig,defyinginbrilliantdetaileverythingIamsaying.Tryitifyoudare.)

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MyFavoriteThings:HereareafewthingsIamfor:abandonedpuppies,moonbeams,fudgebrownies. ThingsIamagainst:acne,meanpeople,nuclearholocaust.WritersofMFTarecalledfluffballsin admissionsparlanceneedIsaymore? TalesofMySuccess:Butfinally,whenIcrossedthefinishlineandreceivedthecongratulationsofmy teammates,Irealizedallthehardworkhadbeenworthit.Imaginehowoftenthatgetswritten,andthen sparetheadmissionsstaffersonemorevariationonthetheme.Letothersteachers,counselorstalk aboutyoursuccessesinstead. MyMemoirs:Donttrytostuffeighteenyearsinto500words.Itsnotthatanautobiographycantbe doneinthisspace;itsjustprofoundlydifficult.Writeaboutsomethingsmaller. [HarryBauld:Whattosayinacollegeadmissionessay,ReedMagazine]

IvecomeacrossMissAmerica,thePerspirant,theJock(quitepopular),TalesofMySuccess(most frequent),andMemoirs. Iwouldratherreadanessayaboutabladeofgrassthanabouthowyoumusteredthatlastounceof strengthtopipyouropponentinsoandsocompetitionand,collapsingtothegroundinweariness, realizedthatyoucandothingsifonlyyoudriveyourselftodoitandbelieveinyourself,andnowyou cantakeonanyobstaclebecauseyounowknowwhatyourecapableof,woohoo!Certainly commendable,andIadmireyourspiritofperseverance.Idontmeantobelittleyouraccomplishment either.WhatIamsayingisthatsuchessaysrarelyrevealsomethingthatisuniqueaboutyou.IfItook anotherpersonandsubstitutedhimorherintotheessay,itwouldprobablymakesenseaswell.Most peoplehavegreatdriveandteamworkand[insertqualityofyourchoice],butnotmanypeoplecan writeathoughtfulreflectiononabladeofgrass.Andifyoucan,andifthoseareyourrealthoughts,it willbeajoytoreadbecauseoftensuchessaysrevealmoreabouttheirwriterthantheMySuccess essays

The Avid Accomplisher (falls under incurably clich)

And the winner isme! Wouldyouintroduceyourselftoatotalstrangerbysaying,Hithere,mynameis[name]andIwonthe 2008[insertnameofcompetition],beatingout[number]othercompetitors.orNicetomeetyou.Im determinedandcaring.TheseareallcommendablequalitiesIdisplayedwhenIledmyteamthrough endlesstrialsandtribulationstoemergevictoriousinthe2007[insertnameofothercompetition]? TheAvidAccomplisherwould.Ineveryessay,he/shewillfindwaystoputinexamplesutilizing competitionsandawardsthathe/sheparticipatedinorreceived,withoutmuchelaboration.Itgets prettytiringafterawhile,sinceitsobviousallthoseawardsarethereforshowandnotbecausethey playedapartinshapingthewritertobecomethepersonhe/sheis. Thereisaplaceforaccomplishmentsintheapplication,butmoreoftenthannotitisnotyouressay.You donotnecessarilyhavetousethemtoputyourselfacrossyouaresomuchmorethanthesumofyour 2

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awardsandwins.(Thisseemstobeanunfortunateeffectofourresultsorientededucationsystem).And ifyouwonttakeitfromme,takeitfromthem:
Admissioncommitteesatthesetopschoolsaren'tlookingtohearaboutyoursummervacationtoEurope oryourplantoendworldhunger.Infact,theyaremuchmoreinterestedinhearingyourobservations aboutthefrequencyofcarsrunningyellowlightsattheintersectionnearyourhomeorhowmanyyearsit hastakenforthatoaksaplingoutsideyourfrontwindowtopushupthesidewalkslabsnexttoit. You'reprobablyaskingyourselfwhyonearthanyonecouldbemoreinterestedinyourintersectionoroak treethanyourgreattriporhumanitarianideals.Theanswerissimple:Becausetheintersectionandthat oaktreecantellmoreaboutwhoyouareandhowyouthink. [CollegeConfidential:IvyApplications:AdmissionsEssaysforIvyLeagueSchoolsItsAllAboutVoice]

Ofcourseyouhavetoimpresswhoeversreadingyourapplicationenoughtomakethemwanttoadmit you,butitdoesnthavetobethroughendlessparadingofaccomplishmentsorloftysoundingideals. Theyareinterestedinyouasapersoninwhoyouaresodontletyourawardsovershadowyou.Why nottellthemaboutyourthoughts?Aboutwhatmakesyouyou(certainlynotyourawards,Ihope)? Goingdownthepathofclichdessayswillbesafe,atbest,butitwonttelltheadmissionsofficers anythingdifferentaboutyouthanalltheotherapplicants. Theressomethingelse,though.Itshowyouwriteaboutthetopicthatmakesthedifference.Soifyou cantakeoneofthoseclichdtopicsabove,andwriteitinawhollybeautifulandnewwaywithyourown uniqueperspective,Illgosofarastosaythatyoullscorebigpointsforyouressay.

Intentionally Insulting
Meet mr. negativity Whenyouwrite,makesurethatwhateveryousaytotheadmissionsofficers,youwouldbecomfortable sayingtoalmosteveryoneelse.Ifyouwouldntshowyouressayto,say,afriendbecauseyouknewit wouldoffendhim/her,thenwhywouldtheadmissionsofficersnotbepossiblyoffendedbythatsame essay?Sure,youhavearighttoyouropinion,althoughifyouregoingtocomplainaboutsomethingin theessay,youdbettersoundmatureandobjectiveaboutit.Butsometimesyoumaynotrealizethat whatyousay(ormoreoftenthannot,howyousayit)maycomeacrossasinsulting/snobbing,andthisis whereyouneedobjectivefriendstohelpreadyourwritingandpointitouttoyou. Anextremelycommontrendistohurlcriticismaftercriticismatthelocaleducationsystemandhowit stiflesstudentsfromtrulybecomingcriticalthinkingandcreativepeople,howtheyrarelyhadthe chancetospeakup,howtheexaminationorientedsystemyougetit.Fortherecord,Imnotabigfan ofthesystemeither.Iagreewithmostofthecriticisms,andIknowhowliberatingitfeelstobeableto finallywriteaboutthis.Butitisveryhardtowriteagreatessayfueledbyonlyangerandfrustration,and IrarelyreadanywhichtackletheTheSystemthemewell.Ifyoumustwriteonthis,domorethanhave abashfest.Writeaboutyourownexperiences.Perhapsyoufoundyourownwaytoovercomethe 3

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difficultiestheSystemposed.PerhapsyourealizedhowexperiencingtheSystemchangedyou(not necessarilyfortheworse).Andbeforwardlookingyoudontwanttocomeacrossasaperson perpetuallystuckinthepast,usingtheSystemasanexcuseforyourownshortcomings.

The Thesaurus Treasurer

Resolution of the insuperable problem being confronted needs extraordinary ThankfullyIhavenotcomeacrossmanyoftheseyet,butsinceIdidreadsomewhichwerepretty disastrous,IthoughtIwouldmentionthisphenomenon. TheThesaurusTreasurerloveshis/herthesaurussobadlythathe/shekeepsitbyhis/hersidewhen writingessays,checkingiteveryfivesecondstoseeiftheresabettersoundingword(usually,amore complicatedone)tobesubstitutedfortheonehe/shejustwrote.He/shealsooverusesadjectives. Whatresultsisastilted,painfullyformallyanddistantessay. Pleasewriteasyouthink,orspeak,inanaturalway.Imagineyourselfreadingoutyouressaytothe admissionsofficer.Andifyoumustusethethesaurus,ensurethatthewordsyouputinsuitthecontext inyouressay.Ifyouthinkthatyourcommandofthelanguageisnotsufficient,getotherstohelp proofreadforgrammarandstructure.Donotattempttocompensatebysqueezinginbombasticwords. ThisisnotSPM.

The Question Evader / Bulldozer

Favourite book? My love for erudition makes me a great match for your schoolSomepeopleattempttouseeveryopportunity,everybitofblankspace,towriteabouttheir achievements/howtheywouldbeagreatmatchfortheschool/howtheywanttocontributetothe school/anyothertopicthattheyfailtoanswerthatspecificessayquestion.Asusual,Iamreferringto thecaseswherethisistakentoofar;itsalwaysgoodtoremindtheschoolwhytheyareyour[first] choice,butnotinaninyourfaceway.Theschoolsalsoknowthattheyaregood,sononeedtopraise themeverychanceyouget. Doreadthequestionsproperlyandensurethatyoudevoteasuitableamountofthewordcountto answeringthosequestions.Iftheyaskforanacademicexperience,writeaboutthat,notaboutan extracurricularactivitythatyoutrytojustifyasacademicwhenitsclearlynot,andbecauseyousimply havetowriteaboutitinyourappandhey,thisspacerighthereseemslikeadarngoodplacetodoit! Ontheotherhand,youmayhaveansweredthequestionse.g.gavereasonsforsoandso,butnotdone soexplicitlyenough,especiallyifitsawholeparagraphofreasonswithnomentionofyouortheschool insideit.Alittlephraseorafewextrawordsthatlinksthosereasonstoyouwillhelpclearthingsup. 4

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The Diversity Player

In multicultural malaysia, relations between the different races are harmonio Frankly,IamnotafanofessayswhichclearlyuseaMalaysianobject/culturejustforthesakeofbeing abletotalkaboutdiversitylaterintheessay,andnotbecausethewriterreallyfeelsfor/thoughtabout aforementionedobject/culturewell.Twowords:itshows. Whentheysaytheyarelookingfordiversityinaclass,itmeansmorethanjustculturalandracial diversity.Diversityofthought,ofperspectives,ofpoliticalstands,oflearningstyles,oftalentsallthese andmorearelookedfor.Yes,culturaldiversityisimportant.Cultureplaysahugeroleinshapingones personality.Butwhocaresifyoueatlaksaandchapattiwhenyoudontseemtobeabletogenerateany originalthoughtsaboutwhyeatingthemissospecialtoyou?Whocaresifyouwritetwopagesworthof sentencesaboutmuhibbahwhenyoudontdemonstratehowyouhavetakenthatconcepttoheart, orstruggledwithit,orthoughtaboutit,orwitnesseditindailylife?Imhappytohearthatthereisracial harmonyinMalaysia,ifyousayso,butwillthatmerefactdemonstrateyourmuchvaunteddiversity? No. Ifyouregoingtopushthediversitycard,doitinauniqueway.

The Wonderfully Written

Need I say more? Afterreadingoneofthese,IfeelasthoughIvebeengivenawindowintothewriterslife,asifIvejust goneonafulfillingtripwithhim/herthatIdontwanttoend.ItswhyIreadessaysinthehopesof gettingtoreadanoftenelusivewonderfullywrittenessayandtoknowitswriter. Theytalkaboutmundaneobjectsortopicsinanentirelyrefreshingway.Theystarebackatthemselves inmirrorsandevaluatetheirliveswithastonishinghonesty.Theysharetheirdreams,dreamswhich wereaccomplished,dreamswhichwaitfortheirturntoberealized,dreamswhichliediscarded.They displayanacuteawarenessoftheworldaroundthem,andgreatsensitivityforthefeelingsofthepeople theyencounter.Theyarefunny.Theyarethoughtprovoking.Rarelydotheybrag;theyaremodest. Theyawardthejourneyasmuchweightasthedestination.Theyarentafraidofhavinganopinion. Mostimportantly,theyconvincemethattheyarepeoplewithwhomitwouldbegreattogotocollege with,andthattheyarehuman. Writethese.
Note:Alloftheaboveshouldbereadwithapinchofsodiumchloride.Maybetwo.Andwhenyouwriteyouressay, forgeteverythingIeversaidhereandjustbeyourself.