Sex Positions and Ancient Texts

The Hanging Garden

Chapter 7

Findings From Ancient Texts The Kama Sutra was compiled in 4th century AD. It is a compilation of Brahman scholars and other religious scholars called Vatsayayana. Once the text gets into adultery, bigamy, group sex, prostitution, homosexuality, and sadomasochism, it is out of bounds and forbidden. We can adapt anything that is not contradictory or forbidden in our faith, but much of the Kama Sutra is purely inaccurate and or useless. There are 64 positions in the text, and although a few are practical, most are not. The Kama Sutra only gives a male perspective, and it was written as a guidebook for upper class men coming of age. For instance, it gives advice and etiquette for dealing with prostitutes, such as seduction, which we believe is sinful. Its inclusion of anal sex also makes it less acceptable for

practicing Muslims. One of the key Islamic texts on the subject of sex is The Perfumed Garden of Sensual Delight by Muhammad ibn Muhammad al-Nafzawi from the 15th century. It offers a few gems as in the following excerpts: When you desire to copulate let it be when your stomach is free from food. Do not unite with a woman until you have excited her with playful caresses and then the pleasure will be mutual. It is advisable therefore to amuse yourselves before you introduce your member (meaning penis) and accomplish the act. You will excite her by kissing her cheeks, sucking her lips and nibbling her teats. You will kiss her navel and thighs and lay a provoking hand upon her pubes. Do not neglect any part of her body; clasp her tightly until she feels your love then sigh and twine your arms and legs around hers. When you are with a woman and you see that her eyes languish and she sighs profoundly, in a word she desires to copulate, let your two passions blend and your lubricity be carried out to the highest point, for so far as enjoyment is concerned the favorable moment has arrived. Woman is like a fruit, which will only yield its fragrance when rubbed by the hands. If you do not animate her with your frolics and kisses, with nibbling of her thighs, and close embraces, you will not obtain what you desire. The things that develop love for the moment of coition are the playful frolics practiced in advance and vigorous embrace at the
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moment of ejaculation. Oh you men who seek for the love and affection of womenExplore her with all possible activity and while so doing, let your mind be free from all other thought. Do not let pleasures propitious moment pass by unheeded: it occurs when you see her eyes slightly moist and her mouth partly open. Introduce your member. Let your sword rest in her sheath. Stay with the woman lying on your right side in this bed of pleasure. Remember, the basic rule is mutual pleasure and flexibility. If one partner does not like a particular position, then the other should yield to his or her feelings. It is highly emphasized that at the commencement of intercourse the partners should recite: In the name of God the Beneficent, the Merciful. Undoubtedly, the most common (and perhaps most popular) position for sex is missionary. However, there are so many other possibilities that can give you both variety and spark, that it is good to explore others. Different positions give you new sensory experiences over the tried and trusted ones. You dont have to be an Olympic gymnast to try the ones we cover. Explore, create, and adapt based on your personal preferences, mood, or circumstances. In the end, whatever gives you both pleasure and comfort are the keys to successful lovemaking.

There are many variations on position, but at the most basic level they are: 1. Man on Top 2. Woman on Top 3. Side by Side 4. Combination of the above The most useful and practical of all positions are the Man on Top and Woman on Top positions. The rest are interesting to explore but have limitations. 1. Man on top. Also commonly called missionary. Experiment with different depths of penetration. As covered in the part related to foreplay, use short rhythms of partial penetration and then deeper ones. Besides depth, you can explore the angle. Instead of aiming for head-on straight, try slight movements to the left or right.

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2. Woman on top. There are many variations of this schema. Ideally the man is not flat on his back or sitting upright, but some position in between propped up by pillows. The advantage of this position is woman and man can control pressure. This also allows the man to ease into orgasm and still have full body contact with the womans face and breasts.

3. Side by Side. Also called spooning. This is a nice full body contact position. It may be useful if a woman is pregnant and in a very relaxing position to fall asleep in afterwards. However, compared to man on top or woman on top, it does not provide the best angle for friction and penetration.

4. Some other variation. The further away you get from the basics, although interesting, the less predictable the results. This does not mean you should not try these, but reset your expectations. Doing standing or sitting wheelbarrows and other exotic positions may work well if you are both Olympic gymnasts. If not its okay to stretch a little, but not so much that you end up in E.R. The following are some of the most common positions for having sex. In the end its whatever gives satisfaction to both partners. Be creative, be respectful, and enjoy what God has made lawful for you.

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On the Edge of a Bed and Facing-Sitting positions

Woman Facing Away

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Man and Woman Facing Each Other

Tantric and Other Positions

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Sitting on a Chair

Try the different positions, and pursue that which gives pleasure: *We have not included positions like 69, where each spouse is facing the others genitals, to perform mutual oral sex. Technically, you can both simultaneously get aroused, but it is easy to lose concentration as the role of pleasure giver and receiver can become confused. Most positions assume you are on a bed. However, even within the confines of the bedroom or home, you can explore the edge of the bed, rocking chair, loveseat, and other nooks and crannies. Let go of any pressures or expectations. Be open to explore. As husband and wife, every sexual interaction will be different even if it in the same position and location. Accept it as a gift
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and build on the experience. As much as the following are how-to bullets, at the moment of climax, forget about orgasms and anything else youve read or seen. Be in the moment and enjoy the pleasure and feeling. Although in the foreplay section we cover the importance of stimulating the clitoris, remember not every woman will be comfortable with this.

If she is not, do not force it. You or your spouse can manually stroke the clitoris when you lie side by side or with husband on top if that feels right. With most positions if the woman opens her legs before the man inserts his penis and then closes her legs after, it will allow for better stimulation of the clitoris, as well as more friction in the vagina. Note the position (more external) and movement (more internal) are separate, but connected.

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The Best Sex The best sex comes from deep relaxation and high stimulation. This requires both partners to be fit. If a man is overweight, and has big waist, for every fifteen pounds extra, you lose a half-inch of penetration. Women, it is important to practice Kegels wherever you canin the car or at your desk. Practice peaking exercise: if a on a scale one is no arousal and ten is ejaculation, have partner stimulate you to a three, then let peak go down. Relax for one to two minutes. Then take next peak goal to be a four. Relax and focus on sensation. Flex your muscles to prevent ejaculation. For men, testicles have many nerve endings (just like the tip of the penis). Avoid direct contact to give yourself more time. Focus on her and giving her pleasure instead of you. Good sex is like driving to a far away city. Orgasm is the destination, but focus on small turns and youll get there. Slippery lubricant can reduce friction. Be careful about using Vaseline with condoms, they are not compatible. During intercourse alternate between deep and shallow thrusts, it increases stimulation gradually.

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Most of a womans nerve endings in the vagina are inside the first few inches.

This is why stimulation to the clitoris is important. This can be done using the finger or carefully with the penis. To slow it down, connect your breathing pattern and engage emotionally with your partner with minimal movement. This way, men can explore sexually for themselves too. Developing hyper-awareness is the road to greater control. With good intentions, good will, creativity, and prayers this will be a wonderful journey.

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Concerns about Oral Stimulation There are many men and women who do not like oral sex, and that is totally fine. For some this method may enhance foreplay and for others it may be an awkward and unpleasant experience. You should never succumb to pressure to have oral sex. There are many women who have concerns about oral sex. They vary from feeling that they will gag when the penis goes deep into their throat or if they are expected to swallow the semen. Again, we are not here to recommend nor condemn if you chose this form of intimacy. However, oral sex should never be a substitute for vaginal sex, and we recommend that a man should never ejaculate into a womans mouth. Similarly, she should never be forced to deep throat a penis, which is not designed to fit in a mouth. Scholars Stance on Oral Sex Muslim jurists (including Sheikh Yusuf Al-Qaradawi) are of the opinion that it is lawful for the husband to perform cunnilingus on his wife and for a wife to perform the similar act for her husband. But if sucking leads to releasing semen, then it is makruh (blameworthy), even though there is no decisive evidence to forbid it. There is no decisive evidence to make it unlawful, especially if the wife agrees with it or achieves orgasm by practicing it. In the light of this, scholars maintain that the husband is allowed to enjoy his wife through any means of enjoyment except anal sex.

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Oral Stimulation Fellatio (an oral sex act performed on a male) Cunnilingus (an oral sex act performed on a female) 69 (a group of sex positions in which two people align themselves so that each person's mouth is near the other's genitals, simultaneously performing oral sex) Oral Stimulation for Him and Her

As sex is primarily done through intercourse, we avoid, oral sex and refer to it as oral stimulation. If a woman uses the ring technique she can control how much of the penis enters her mouth. By clasping the penis at the base and then forming the ring, and allowing the most sensitive part of the penis to enter the mouth, you elongate the area of stimulation the penis receives by using hand and mouth. By using your thumb and finger you control the penetration and frequency. Deep throat is common in the porn industry and is not a realistic sexual habit for most normal
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couples. Just like when the woman is on top, for oral sex to be effective the woman must have complete control. By making an O-ring with your fingers you can control how much of the penis enters your mouth.

Once you perform oral stimulation, you can hold the shaft and gently with your fingers control its rotation.

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To perform cunnilingus on your wife, again if you are both comfortable with it and want to explore it, try it. If not, there are many other things you can do to give mutual pleasure. You can start by manually stimulating the clitoris and G-Spot and follow-up with your mouth.

Creative ways to perform oral stimulation Put a piece of ice on one side of the mouth and the penis on the other. The hot and cold sensation is very sensual. Place frozen fruit like strawberries, melon, or mango in your mouth and slide penis in for tingling effect. Put a strong mint in the mouth before taking the penis.

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Put a few pieces of Pop Rock candy into your cheek. As it pops put penis into mouth for tingling effect. Do not put candy onto penis, though. Stimulate penis with pearl necklace (doesnt have to be real) or beads. Take off your necklace and use it to play with his shaft. When sucking, use short bursts rather than long ones. Although you should not swallow semen, you may get some after taste through leakage. Men should avoid bitter substances including coffee, alcohol, cigarettes, red meats, greasy foods, dairy, asparagus, spinach, and broccoli. Stick to mild, vegetarian diet, parsley, celery, and fruits like kiwi, pineapple that can make your genital secretions sweeter. Make sure you dont eat strong spicy foods before sex. Keep mints handy next to the bed. Keep a small bottle of massage oil close to you. Try a flavored lip-gloss in the flavor you both like. Give oral stimulation in the shower, and use the warm water as an aphrodisiac.

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Creative Ways to Put On a Condom Putting on a flavored condom with the mouth is also called the Italian Method. Ladies, be creative in rolling on a condom for your husband. This takes practice. You can practice on a small vegetable like squash before trying it on him. With your mouth in a shape of an O, place a fruit-flavored latex condom between your lips. If you prefer, put a small drop of water-based lubricant in the nipple (receptacle) of the condom. It makes it easier to slide on and during sex gives more sensation. If you do add the lubricant, you have to do the next steps quickly or the lubricant will run down the shaft of his penis. Use your lips and tongue to slowly roll down the condom down his penis. Cover your teeth with your lips to avoid damaging the condom. You can also give the shaft manual stimulation while you roll out the condom. If you have oral sex, change the condom before having proper sex.

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Quickies Although we spend a lot of time talking about foreplay and slow sex, on occasion it is okay to go for a quickie. This is beneficial for several reasons. Sex is sometimes better if it is spontaneous. For example, before work, on the weekend, or on a rendezvous lunch meeting can become a meeting place that changes up the routine of having sex at appointed times at night. When you prepare for a quickie, wear clothing that is easy to take off or clothing that gives access to key areas. For men: T-shirts, slacks, and boxer shorts work well. For women: loose pullovers or anything without buttons. You can even keep your clothes on, which makes for new memories. As youre trying to sneak in this event, the timing and tension create excitement and fun. Ask her before entering: Can I come in, or would you like me to pleasure you more? or, Does that hurt or do you want me to come? A womans motor takes time to warm up. No matter how slow you are going, you probably still have to slow down more. To make sure you are going at her pace, ask for her input and see her body language. Build each others confidence by telling your partner he or she is beautiful, or the way you like his or her smell, taste, and touch. The Infamous G-Spot The G-spot is an elusive region of the womans body that supposedly exists two-thirds of the way into the vagina. Named after the German gynecologist Grafenberg, it is supposed to lead to an organism that
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is different than clitoral stimulation and orgasm. Theoretically you can insert your finger into the vagina and press against the front wall. For some women it may enhance the intercourse experience and for others it may be uncomfortable. As the place all guys are supposed to know, the Gspot has reached rock star fame. For some couples, reaching the G-spot means a lot and for others who have no recognition of the concept it means nothing. Bottom line is this: if by stimulating that region, you crack the code, go for it. If not, you havent missed the only thing that arouses a woman. Do try your best to find where pleasure is activated, but do not lose sleep over one spot versus the many other erogenous zones. The G-spot is not a universal magic button. Men shouldnt be so goal-directed since women are pleasure-directed. There is no one fits all. There is no single pattern of orgasm. A Biology Lesson About Thrusting Now wed like to go under the hood and share the internal information of what goes on during intercourse. We do not want to get too scientific or mechanical, and we suggest that you do not either. Most of what you do will be at the level of trial and error, not science. Different positions stimulate different regions: 1. Man on tiptoe stimulates clitoris. 2. Man crouching slightly stimulates G-spot. 3. Woman leans forward, moving down partially, stimulates clitoris.
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4. Woman leans backwards, moving down partially, stimulates the G-spot. 5. Rotate your penis inside the vagina. 6. Vary the frequency, speed, and intensity. Most men think it is about how hard you do it, but it is good to be able to alternate the hard with soft. 7. After thrusting, and before ejaculation, pause and focus on other things like kissing and touching. 8. If the point of no return is a ten on the scale, try to get to a four, five, or six and then breathe easy and relax. Then become aroused again and repeat process building confidence and stretching out the foreplay. 9. Or the wife can hold the penis below the glans and give it a firm squeeze until the moment passes away.

10. Vary your body position, and this will automatically change the angle of penetration. 11. Vary the depth of penetration and thrust. Try more shallow thrusts until the point of ejaculation or alternate deep and shallow until climax. 12. Any time you feel you are about to ejaculate, pull back so the tip of penis is still inside vagina. If you practice Kegel exercises or practice bladder control, you can stop ejaculation. If not, savor the moment.
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