Existance Dank's Point Of View

By Abbi Glines

The Beginning The moment she spotted me, I knew it. Granted, she did a really good job of pretending she couldn't see me. The fact she halted in her steps the moment her eyes met mine, then quickly darted past me as she hurried into the school, gave her away. Students walked past me all morning without seeing me but this one saw me. I stood up from the wooden picnic table, where I'd been sitting awaiting her arrival. I could force her to acknowledge me by becoming visible to everyone else but I wasnt in the mood to do so just yet. The determination in her eyes intrigued me. If there hadnt been a parking lot full of witnesses, I have the feeling she would have yelled at me instead of cowering like most humans. The monotony of my existence didn't hold much promise of entertainment. Id play her games for awhile. Games were fun to play and it'd been much too long since Id come across a worthy opponent, especially a female one...

Scene at the Lockers

The only explanation was the kid must be an idiot. When Pagan wasnt looking his way he pathetically ogled her. Then when she glanced over at him, he acted as if he hadnt just two seconds ago been panting after her like a damn dog. If it wasnt for the incredibly odd possessive streak I felt toward the girl, Id make him see the error of his ways. I didnt like the fact she wanted his attention. I sure as hell wasnt going to help him out. Watching the disappointed little frown on her mouth made something inside me stir. I couldnt place it exactly because it was a new emotion. Not anything I was familiar with. Pagan tugged her book bag up higher on her shoulder as she pushed through the bodies of students filling the halls. I couldnt stand by and watch her so unhappy. Instead of staying in the background shadowing her like Id been doing for weeks in order to ease the strange tightness in my chest only her absence could provoke, I spoke up. Dont look at him next time. Itll drive him crazy. Her eyes flicked a quick glance over at me but she didnt miss a beat. I didnt like it that her scowl deepened. Granted most people werent crazy about me but I wanted Pagan to like me. Admitting that simple fact was humbling and it bugged the hell out of me. She stopped in front of her locker still ignoring me even though I made sure she could see me. Hes trying to play hard to get. Kind of proves what a child he is, but I can see its bothering you. Im not bothered, she responded through clenched teeth and opened her locker. Yes, you are. There is this little wrinkle between your eyebrows that appears and you nibble your bottom lip when something bothers you.

That got her attention. She froze and turned her head slowly to peek at me through her cascade of dark hair. It reminded me of silk. I liked silk. Especially dark silk. The scowl was gone and an odd feeling of accomplishment washed over me. Id been the one to cause that tiny smile forming on her lips. Why did something so simple make me feel like a freaking king? Youre missing the public display of affection across the hall between your two buddies. They may need you to throw a bucket of ice water on them. Id barely glanced over at Miranda and Wyatt. All I could see when Pagan was around was... well... Pagan. But I knew making a joke about her friends constant grope session would make that tiny smile break out into a full fledge grin. There thats better. I like it when youre smiling. If the football kid keeps making you frown Im going to take matters into my own hands. Did I really just say that? I was going to have to watch my words. Before she could respond, I faded away. I wasnt about to answer to that minor slip of the tongue. She couldnt see me any longer although I hadnt moved. Her shoulders lifted and fell back down as she let out a loud frustrated sigh. She turned to walk toward her next class and I was glad she couldnt hear my laughter. Im positive my amusement at her frustration wouldnt please her. But damn that girl fascinated me.

Death Breaks the Rules

This was it. Fate had played out just as planned and the idiot kid she was interested in would be the reason she left today. For the first time in my existence, this felt wrong. The pull to be there. The pull to take her soul. It wasnt stronger than my need to keep her alive. I stood watching her talk to her silly friend. Pagan wasnt hearing a word her friend was saying. Instead, her eyes were scanning the hallway for the boy. Watching this was more than I could handle right now. I had a fight on my hands and this was the last thing I needed to witness. I decided to wait outside. Maybe it would be easier than I thought to change the course of fate. As if right on cue, Pagan emerged from the building with tears glistening in her eyes. This was becoming a freaking runaway train I couldnt stop. Dammit! I had to do something. Change things somehow. Dont leave. He isnt worth it. I heard the pleading in my voice as I fell into step beside her. I dont want to stay. Im angry and I just want to leave. Of course she did. That was the grand plan. I had to stop her. Please, Pagan, dont get in your car. Go back inside. Forget the stupid kid and enjoy the rest of your day. Dont let something that idiot did send you running.

She stopped walking and hope soared inside my chest. It was an odd feeling. It was... an emotion. I was experiencing an emotion. A strong one. Why do you care if I leave? Are you the new hall monitor and I missed the memo? This was it. I could change things. I could keep her alive. Im begging you to go back in the school. Why? A growl of frustration erupted from my chest. She was so stubborn. Do you have to question everything? Cant you just listen for once? Annoyance took the place of hurt in her eyes and her posture snapped to attention, Im leaving here. You cant stop me. I dont have to listen to you. If you dont have a good excuse then there is no reason for me to stay. She spun around and headed to her car. Id tried. Nothing short of physically holding her here would keep her from getting in that blasted car and leaving. The pull was still there. Pagans life was still marked. Nothing Id done had changed anything. Id only slowed it down. I was going to have to break the rules. What the penalty was I wasnt sure but I wouldnt be able to continue on if I had to take Pagans soul. She was young. There was so much she hadnt experienced yet. And... I was selfish. I wasnt ready to let her go. I watched as her car spun out of the parking lot before joining her in order to completely change her souls fate. I sat anxiously watching her wondering at what moment the accident would happen. How it would happen. She couldnt see me sitting in the passengers seat beside her. Id made sure of that. If I was going to completely alter fate, I at least needed to keep some things hidden from her. She wasnt going to stop. The stop sign loomed up ahead but Pagan was looking in her mirror. This was it. Pagan please look at the road, I begged even though I knew she couldnt hear me. The large truck wasnt slowing down either. THE ROAD, I roared again wishing I could just make myself visible or at the least speak to her soul but Id only make matters worse if I did. So instead, I did the only thing I could do, I grabbed the steering wheel and kept the car from rolling down the side of the embankment. I didnt want her body damaged. The trucks horn blared and the impact wasnt directly on Pagans side. I made sure of that. It hit the front pushing the steering wheel towards her chest. Quickly, I unbuckled her seatbelt and lifted her gently from the car.

Gasping for air loudly as I held her, I realized shed been unable to breathe. Damn I hated this. I wanted to rush her to the hospital myself keeping her safe in my arms. But I couldnt. Id already done too much. I laid her gently on the ground and held her hand whispering promises I knew I could keep while I waited on the ambulance. She didnt move. Her eyes didnt even flutter but she was breathing. Her heart was beating. I wasnt taking this soul today. A panicked murmur escaped her lips and I bent down to sing in her ear. I didnt stop when I heard the sirens. I didnt stop when they began working over her body. I didnt stop until they lifted her and placed her securely in the ambulance.

Followed Her Home

Fear hung heavy in the air. Pagan was unaware Id followed her home. She didnt trust my promise to keep her safe. That simple truth infuriated me. Feeling fear was a part of my life. My presence created fear. I was immune to the familiar bitter taste it left in my mouth. But Pagans fear bothered me. I didnt like it.

I stood in her doorway watching as she nibbled on her bottom lip nervously. This was not how it was supposed to be. Id saved her from death. Fear shouldnt be an emotion she had to deal with anymore.

Whats wrong? I asked. Her scream died almost instantly as her eyes focused on me.

Dank, she gasped pressing her hand against her heart. I could hear it racing inside her chest from across the room.

Sorry, I didnt realize you were so wound up about this. I walked into the room, watching her closely as she sank back down onto the bed shed jumped up from when Id startled her.

Well excuse me if strange souls showing up in my house, talking to me and touching me freak me out a little. She shot me an accusatory look, Then, I ask you about it and you curse into the darkness and get all angry.

Damn. It always came back to this. She wanted to know too much. Things I couldnt tell her. I needed to keep her safe. Knowledge was dangerous. Needing to be near her, I sat down beside

her on the small bed. The smell of honey warmed me. Her hair always smelled completely edible.

Im sorry about that. I shouldnt have scared you that way.

Well, can you tell me what is happening, who she is?

I shook my head turning my eyes away from her. If I let myself look into those pleading dark pools of hers, Id cave. No, thats the only thing I cant do for you. Ask me anything else in the world, Pagan, and Ill make sure its yours but that I cannot do.

She sighed and sat up straighter, Whyre you here, then?

Because they were trying to fix what Id done. They wouldnt just leave it alone. I was Death. I could decide to allow life. It was my choice. I made it my choice. But I couldnt tell her any of that.

Until I know everything is fine...until I take care of what must be done, Ill be spending the nights here in your room. I turned my eyes back to hers and held her gaze. I wanted her to understand that she had nothing to fear.

I have to protect you, I paused then motioned toward the door, If you want to take that shower, Ill make sure youre completely safe while you do so.

Relief came over her face then a small frown quickly replaced it. Can you read my mind?

She didnt want me reading her thoughts. Interesting. Not exactly. Its more like I can feel your fears so strongly I can hear them.

She studied me for a moment as if remembering something that confused her.

You heard me in the cafeteria when you were with Kendra, I wasnt scared then.

Ah, yes I felt her fear that day. Id reveled in that fear. Knowing she cared about the blond flirting with me eased the ache in my chest caused from the sight of her snuggled up against Leifs side.

You werent? I asked unable to keep the smirk off my face.

Her face turned an adorable shade of red before she spun around and rushed out of the room.

The Bedroom Scene

I hate the color red almost as much as I hate blond hair. My need to reassure her was going to completely botch my plan to push her away. But watching her pout over my going to this stupid dance with Kendra was difficult. I didnt like to be the reason she was unhappy. Couldnt she see this was what was best for her? The frown on her face and range of emotions flashing in her eyes told me she didnt believe me. As much as I needed to put distance between us, I couldnt leave her like this.

Standing, I closed the distance between us. Just this once Id forget why touching Pagan was wrong. As my chest brushed against her back, her small body shivered. Closing my eyes I bit back a curse. I wouldnt be able to stop myself now. This was a form of control Id never had to exercise. I wasnt sure I even knew how. Wrapping my arms around her, I pressed her back firmly against my chest. Pleasure coursed through me and I tightened my hold. The fear that Id never be able to release her now Id held her, seeped into my thoughts.

She means nothing to me.

Her body trembled and my need to own her became unbearable.

I would never lie to you, Pagan, I whispered against her ear. She tilted her head back to stare up at me. Lowering my head I kissed the soft skin on the top of her ear. The smell of her skin was delicious. Unlike anything Id ever experienced. I continued kissing the delicate skin along her face. Inhaling the intoxicating aroma it presented. My hands found her hips and I worried the fierce grip I had on her might bruise her. But I couldnt force myself to relax my demanding hold.

You tempt me. I cant be tempted. Im not made to be tempted but you, Pagan Moore, you tempt me. From the moment I came for you I was drawn in. Everything about you... I needed to touch more of her. I ran a hand along the exposed skin on her arm. It heated under my touch. You make me crazy with need. With want. I didnt understand it at first. But now I know. Its your soul calling to me. Souls mean nothing to me. They arent supposed to. But yours has become my obsession. Instead of cowering away from me in fear, like a normal human would when Death was admitting to being obsessed with them, Pagan leaned against me full of trust. Her neck exposed as her head fell back on my shoulder. That skin would be warm and delicate. I lowered my head and kissed the gentle curve there. Enjoying the excitement of her racing pulse beneath my lips.

I want to kill that boy every time I see his hands on you. I trailed kisses up her neck as she shifted closer to me full of expectation. I want to rip his arms from his body so he cant touch you again. Unable to hold back the growl inside of me caused by the possessive emotion that only Pagan had ever managed bring out of Death. This was wrong. I couldn't own her. I couldnt have her. I was Death. She was human. I couldnt claim her soul for myself. Agony ripped through me.

But I cant have you, Pagan. Youre not meant for me. I whispered harshly. Wanting more than anything to change this. I needed to leave her. This was only going to hurt her more in the end. Picking her up, I cradled her against me for only a moment. Filing away the memory of how she felt wrapped up in my arms, then I laid her on the bed and quickly stood up. I couldnt continue to touch her.

Please, she whispered.

I couldnt witness the pleading etched on her face. Closing my eyes tightly I wanted to explain it all. Make her understand. But I couldnt. The less she knew. The safer she was. So instead, I told her the only thing I could, I cant, Pagan. It would destroy us both. Without opening my eyes to see her one last time, I vanished.

The Kiss

She was defending me. Intelligent, honest, talented, and compassionate. No one had ever defended me. The silly blond in my arms let out a trill of giggles unappealingly similar to the sound of fingernails on a chalkboard. This isnt where I wanted to be. Id stayed because of Pagan. Being near her, watching her, touching her, those were all the reasons Id made this choice. Yet, here I stood forcing myself to tolerate the annoying girl draping her body against mine.

The door to the gym opened as Pagan shot one last look my way then disappeared outside. What was she thinking? She didnt need to be alone. She knew this. Glaring angrily toward the boy shed left behind, I almost felt sympathy toward him. He hadnt meant to upset her. But the simple fact their fight was over me gave me some ridiculous amount of joy.

Go play with your friends for awhile Kendra, I ordered before detaching myself from her claws. I needed to guard Pagan.

If I didnt know better Id swear she wasnt real. The gulf breeze caused her hair to gently dance around her shoulders giving her an ethereal appearance. The confusion, sadness, anger were all rolling off her in waves. Knowing I had something to do with those emotions pained me.

Why arent you inside dancing with your date? I asked.

Her head snapped up and relief flickered in her eyes before she shrugged and turned her gaze from mine so she could stare at her feet.

Hes looking rather forlorn sitting at a table all alone, I said softly hoping to defuse the real reason I was here. She didt need to know how desperately I needed to be near her. She shrugged again and continued to study her feet. I couldnt keep from letting the amused laughter escape me. Her attempt at acting as if she wasnt just as happy to have me alone as I was to have her all to myself was cute. So, have you decided to try the ignoring me thing again, to see if I go away?

Biting her bottom lip, she shook her head no. I know that doesnt work with you.

Why are you out here, Pagan? Whats wrong? I wanted to hear her say it. Why? I wasnt sure. It would only torture me further. But I needed to know she desired me too.

Nothing that concerns you, she tartly replied.

Grinning at her attempt to act indifferent when I could hear her heart racing in her chest, I managed to keep from out right laughing.

Really? I asked

Really.

I closed the distance between us, Seeing me dance with Kendra doesnt bother you?

She shook her head and her chest began rising and falling erratically with each quick breath. I let my eyes travel down her dress and enjoyed the simple fact shed bought it for me. Id suggested this color. This dress hadnt been bought for the quarterback. The need to growl my approval was overwhelming.

I knew pale pink would suit you. Most girls cant pull it off but on you its perfect.

Her pale throat constricted as she swallowed hard. I affected her. I reveled in that knowledge.

You think I dont want to touch you the way I touch Kendra. Youre right.

Pagan stepped back away from me. The pain in her eyes almost brought me to my knees. I hadnt meant to hurt her. Immediately, I reached out and grabbed her hand and pulled her against me. This was what Id tried so hard to keep from happening. The more we touched the stronger my need to possess her became. But right now, I needed to erase the look in her eyes. Nothing else mattered.

"When I touch Kendra I mentally cringe at having to continue to pull off the farce of being interested in her. When I cant control my need for you and allow myself to touch you it ignites a monster inside of me that Im afraid Ill lose control over. You make me feel things Ive never felt before. Something happens, I paused and let my gaze drop to her full pink lips, when Im near you like this. I couldnt stop myself. I needed more. Gently I ran my thumb over her bottom lip. The silky texture caused a sharp hot painful need to grip me. I closed my eyes from the intoxicating sight of her mouth and tried hard to fight for control. And when you react the way you do, I feel the clawing inside me to take what I want.

The soft warm breaths against my thumb might as well have been iron bars wrapping around me pulling me toward her. Making me hers. Opening my eyes, I stared directly into hers. I needed her to understand. To let me go.

Youre the one thing I want the most in the world yet the one thing I cannot have. Because to have you completely would be impossible. You cant go where I walk. Unable to step away, I cradled her face in my hands. The purpose of my existence is not to have a mate. It is lonely and cold. Until now it has been all Ive known. Then you became the appointed and everything changed.

Something irreparable was happening. I couldnt harm her. I wasnt meant for her. Terrified Id gone too far, risked her life with my obsessive need, I quickly stepped away from her. Desperate to save her from myself.

Go, Pagan. Run, please, run. I am not what you think I am. I am not intelligent, honest, talented, and compassionate although hearing you say those words in my defense felt like warm liquid pouring through my cold veins. You want to know what I am and I cant tell you. If you knew, I wouldnt have to beg you to run.

I needed to leave now. This was a mistake. As I began walking off, I heard her running after me. Didnt she hear me? Id told her so much more than she was supposed to know. Stopping, I slowly turned back around and glared at her. Maybe fear was the only solution. But the instant I saw it flicker across her face, I recoiled. I couldnt scare her. Souls feared me. But not her. Never her. That wasnt what I wanted.

I dont care what you are, she stated loudly taking a step toward me, You cant scare me off and Im not running away. What is it the song you sing to me says? Yet you stay. Holding on to

me, yet you stay, reaching out a hand that I push away. The cold is not meant for you yet you stay, you stay, you stay. When I know its not right for you." Shed memorized my words to her. My chest felt as if someone had ripped it in two.

Go, Pagan. Now. I cant control myself much longer, I managed to whisper through my pain.

Instead, she took another cautious step toward me. The pleading look in her eyes was my undoing. How could I stay away? A growl erupted from my chest and I seized her in one swift movement. My mouth was on hers instantly. I needed to know her flavor. To experience it. This was the only chance Id have to taste her and I wanted it all. I nipped her bottom lip then gently soothed the bite with my tongue. She was delicious. She was exotic. I needed more. Her small hands grabbed handfuls of my shirt and I wanted to roar in triumph. I was no longer in control of my choices. Pagan was. Id do anything to keep her. The sweet taste that I could give no label because it was uniquely hers consumed me.

Somewhere in the haze of the ecstasy I sensed danger. But Pagan controlled me now. Her soul owned me. I began tasting the soft skin along her neck as words Death should never promise anyone spilled from my lips. The touch of her hands sent a tremble through me as she grabbed my face and claimed my mouth. More. I needed more. Mine. She was mine. Then I recognized the danger. Her soul was releasing from her body. With each hungry touch from Death she relinquished herself to me. Terror washed over me as I jerked out of her embrace and stepped back.

I cant, Pagan. I want this so damn bad. But I cant.

Before she could stop me, I fled.