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To Be Real, or Not To Be Real

That is the major question of our existence here on this physical plane
I am a man of fifty-eight years of age; and I still have a great deal of the same question that I had when I was a boy of five years of age. The reason why I picked the age of five years to refer to is because that is when I remember becoming capable of putting to thought and word how I felt about the way people treat each other, and the cruel things people did to each other for no reason whatsoever. Maybe it shouldnt amaze me that I was thinking those things at that age, but it does amaze me that I was conscious of such at the age of five. I attribute the way that I was, and the way that I am today to none other than Universal Source. However, I also attribute that which was eternally within my spirit coming out at the time that it did, and in the way that it did to the help of my role model, hero, and best friend ever, my dad. My dad was a man that was full of Love, and he knew how to share that Love unconditionally with others in a way that I have not personally witnessed in anyone else. That is not to say that no one else is like him, because I know that there are many like him. I just have not experienced it with anyone else, because I have never been as close to anyone else as I was and still am with my dad, even after his transition. The Love and insights he shared with me have helped me maintain here on Earth Mother. Even when I thought I could not go on any further, what he instilled in me, helped me stay consciously connected to Great Spirit. Notice that I said consciously; we are always one with Great Spirit. However, sometimes we loose our conscious connection due to our outward focus and faulty beliefs. I know that Great Spirit gave me the mother and father that I had, and every single life experience I had, to prepare me for things to come; such as my question, To Be Real, or Not To Be Real. During my sojourn through this physical plane I have experienced many of the ups and downs life possesses, and every last one of them as far as I know, came to me due to the choices I made in life. Even though that is the case as far as I know and believe, I still do not understand as I would like to, why life as to be the way that it is. I am speaking of the ongoing struggles and pains of life. No matter what happens to me in life, I will always be the Spiritual Being of Peace, Light, and Love, Nothing can change that; because that is the way I truly believe I was created. I may fall short of the mark of excellence every now and then; nonetheless, I will eternally be a Spiritual Being of Peace, Light, and Love. All of that said, the repeated challenges and pains in life can sometimes just about reach the place of almost completely overwhelming me. There have been many times when I sincerely wanted and asked Great Spirit to allow me to make transition, because I did not want to go on any further like this. For those reading this that does not understand what I mean when I say transition, it simply is another way of saying death or dieing. I have experienced excruciating physical and emotional pain; to the degree that from sixteen to twenty-six years of age I was strung out on heroin and experienced the lifestyle that went along with such actions; also, in my early twenties I tried to commit suicide, to my better fortune, my will to live over road the desire of self-destruction that arouse at that time in my life. Inwardly my spirit was fighting to keep me afloat, and it would not give up. That coupled with all of the prayers of my mother, father, and aunt I was saved from the negative energy I allowed in. When I tried to kill myself, I took an entire bottle of pain pills and fell unconscious. However, even though I was in a state of unconsciousness, I managed to call my wife who I was separated from. In turn she called my aunt who lived next door because after calling her I passed out. My aunt came over and her and my mother called the ambulance. They were not sure if I would make it because the medication had already entered my system because of how much time had passed since I took it, so pumping my stomach would do no good. As you know, I pulled through. In addition, with the drug addiction my spirit fought to keep me alive over a long ten-year period of time and many foolish actions; many of which should have killed me. I had experienced many times of coming close to death, so close that only Great Spirit could save me from me. I am extremely thankful to Great Spirit for everything, even the negative experiences in life. I say that because I know that both the positive life experiences, and the negative life experiences have helped to cause me to re-call who I am, a Spiritual Being going through a

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multitude of temporal physical experiences. At the time I was ready to step out of the negative darkness I was surrounded by, and consciously step onto the path that I now call Total Spiritual Re-Call, I decided to turn to the church. I did that because that was the only place I knew about that could assist me in the way that I felt I needed. You see, I knew that I needed to surround myself with people that were about doing the opposite that I had been committed to doing, and I also needed to have things that would occupy me and keep me busy, so that I would not desire to turn around and back track into the darkness. The church served that purpose well for the time it was supposed to. When I was in the church I got to see and understand many things. I was totally committed to doing as I was taught, and the way the bible directed. I was 100% committed to being authentic in all that I did, because I could actually feel the Love of Great Spirit (at that time I would say God) rising up within my spirit. I also experienced Love from a number of people in the church. I excelled in many ways in the church. I ended up working in the church full-time and was ordained as a deacon in that church, and after leaving that church I was ordained as a minister. However, getting ordained as a minister is getting a little ahead of myself. So, back to when I was at the church I started to see that many people were not as committed to doing what they said, taught, and preached. That really perplexed me, because I could not understand how they could pretend to feel the Love of Great Spirit and act contrary to that which Great Spirit would have us do. Up to that point I was pretty quite, meaning that I did not ask questions about that which was done behind the scenes; remember, I was on staff at the church at that time. They had never seen the side of me questioning their action, and that really puzzled them. One time in questioning one of the pastors, of which there were many, because this was one of the first mega churches; the only thing he could come up with was this. I am the voice of God to you, and you are not to question God. That is when I informed him of the following. I question God because that is how I find out in a clearer way what I am supposed to do and what I am not supposed to do; and just as God speaks to you, God speaks to me too. Little did I know at that time; that was the beginning of my end there. Mentally I was preparing myself to leave, and I shared that with my wife and her parents. I was in for another big surprise. Even though over the years they agreed with what I was saying, and they had many of the same questions as me, when I asked those questions and they were not answered and I decided to leave the church, I ended up on the outside all alone. Eventually I lost my wife and children, because of my choice to leave that church. I want you to notice that I said, leave that church. I went to another church because I still wanted to maintain my relationship with Great Spirit, and at that time I felt that I needed the church to do that. Fast forward, I eventually realized that spiritually I had reached the place where the church could not give me what I needed; that is because the church was to narrow in its focus, and it was also far to selfcentered. When I say self-centered, I am speaking of the christian doctrine of belief that the church is the only way to Great Spirit, and any practice outside of what they practice is of the devil as they so vehemently say. I am not one who says that the christian way will not assist one in returning to his or her eternal spiritual abode. I am saying that just as there are many pathways that lead to any physical destination, there are likewise many paths that lead to the exact same final destination christians call heaven. Because of my expanded awakening that there are many ways to our eternal home, I was labeled one whose spirit wasnt right, and I was actually ex-communicated from the church, and told I could never come back unless I submitted myself to the leadership there. Everything was in Divine Order, even though it hurt tremendously loosing the people I Love the most in life next to my parents, my wife and children. I also lost all of my friends, because I had been in the church eight years. The church was my first place spiritually that fit perfectly within the question, To Be Real, or Not To Be Real? Many called my next experience on the Spiritual Path the New Age. However, I preferred to call it The Path of True Spirituality. As I stepped on my new spiritual path, thing got very rocky. That is due to the fact that I had not learned how to release the past completely. I was still trying to hold on to my wife

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and family. However, I could not continue on in life with one foot in two separate worlds. Trying to do so almost cost me my life. I got deathly ill from the stress and a one point was only given two days to live. Thankfully I made the right choice and I lived; nonetheless I paid a tremendous price for trying to hold on to the past as I did. After going through the process of convalescing for over a year, and holding firmly to that which I knew spiritually, I started to move forward spiritually once again. Little did I know that I was going to experience much of the same that I experienced in the church on my new spiritual path, causing the question to ring even louder within my mind. First hand I witnessed people using the gifts of Great Spirit for selfish gain to the utter harm of others. I know that what is done to others was allowed by them, but that still did not remove the pain or the questions I had concerning it all. On one hand it extremely troubled me to see how many were just acting out their spirituality; you know, simply putting on the appearance of living what they teach and preach; while all along reaping great benefits from their exploits. On the other hand it troubled me that there were those like me who were truly committed in every way to Great Spirit and everything that we know to be spiritual, yet our suffering and pain continues to grow. I understand that we create our own reality, and what we think about we draw more of the same energy to us. Nevertheless, that draws even another question to the surface. How can we help but not think of something that we do not want from time to time when we are experiencing it so often and so strong. Again, I know many of the truths, saying, and beliefs concerning all of this; and I believe that the majority of them are true, yet I am continually stumped right at the point where I think I have penetrated the veil, and end up on my face so to speak once again. I know that there is a multitude of people that are worst off than me, and they would gratefully trade places with me. However, even that thought does not make it any easier to swallow the lack and hardship in my life. Am I supposed to settle for the lack and hardship in my life simply because someone else is experiencing more lack and hardship then me? The knowing within me says that is not how it is supposed to be. I have come to learn that people are very good at simulation, acting out how they know people expect them to act, without committing completely to that which they are acting out. I know that most of the time such is done solely for selfish gain, and to manipulate the minds of people to suck them dry of there energy and the material gain they possess; what a wicked web they weave. What they do will not cause me to change the way I live. However, I cannot get away from the thought that in many ways it does not seem fair. I will stay my course, but will I end up making transition scratching for enough to take care of my personal necessities and responsibilities to survive on this dense physical plane? I Love Earth Mother and the whole of creation, and I want to experience this physical plane in all of its glory, abundance, and fullness; however, it gets really hard sometimes seeing how a small percentage of humans are bent on doing whatever it takes to hoard as much wealth as possible for themselves, even at the chance of causing their children to suffer horrendously, due to their wicked choice to worship physical wealth. Those who are doing their evil are like little children, they just dont get it; they dont understand that those who are mature see, or will eventually see exactly what they are doing. That reminds me of my mother and father. I used to thing that they knew-all, or they could read my mind. They were just experienced in seeing the same thing done over and over by others, as well as once doing it themselves. It is hard telling and remembering all of the lies told, yet so simple remembering the truth. Those perpetrating a fraud eventually always expose themselves; it is just a matter of time that they do so. The question is not whether or not others will ever know the trickery perpetrated by others; the question is when will the trickery be revealed for all to see. Those who do their wickedness with seemingly no conscious will reap what they have sown, multiplied many times over. I have seen those who recognize the gifts they have been blessed with, yet they choose to use those gifts in negative ways to mesmerize others to the point of controlling others, using others, and rob others of their energy. I call such people Energy Vampires. Actually that is what is being expressed in movies about vampires. The blood of the victims in the movies represents the energy of the person. So a vampire is not always someone who drinks the blood of a person. A vampire is one who deceitfully robs another of their energy. I have known religious and spiritual people and organizations alike that do such.

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Over the years such people have tried to recruit me. Why would they want to recruit someone like myself? First they take how quite I usually am, and my meekness as weakness. They foolishly believe that I will praise them for what they can do and follow their every direction, after coming to realize that I am seeking to excel spiritually and I am committed to doing the work to grow. I had one such person want me to study under him so he could control me because of how people took to me. Because I am full of Love and I share that Love so freely with everyone, people are attracted to me. So he wanted to control me and use me to draw people to what he was doing. When I realized what he was doing to people, I told him that I would not be studying under him, that it was time for me to move on. He got so upset with me that I thought we were going to end up in a physical altercation. However, he finally backed off after a heated vulgar barrage of angry words and demands that were not received by me.

I even experienced what was classified as a spiritual community. In this community the members were totally controlled by their leader, she told them everything they could and could not do; down to what books they could read and what movies they could watch. What attracted her to me happened to be my affect on people, due to the Love I so freely shared with everyone. She actually said this to everyone in one of the group meetings. Baba is here to learn community from us, and he is here to teach us Love. Again, like others in the past she saw me as a meek pushover. However, like with the others, when I fully understood that what was happening there wasnt for me, I informed her that I would be leaving. She asked me why, and this is what I told her. Spirit is telling me that I need to go within to receive the spiritual direction that I need. She said; I do not know what spirit you are talking about. However, disconnect from your spirit, and allow me to work with you for one week and then tell me what you think. I told her no, that I already know what I am to do and I must do it. She called me another time and tried to get me to change my mind but I wouldnt. Later I found out when I ran into one of the members that she had told everyone that I left the community because I had to move back to Washington, DC. It is really disturbing how people manipulate and abuse others for selfish gain. It is also disturbing how we allow other to control us. Actually, there is no need for us to ask the question, To Be Real, or Not To Be Real; or any other question about how we should be for that matter. Because there is only one way for us to be at all times, and that is to be open, sincere, honest, and authentic at all times. In addition, we must remember that we are one with the whole of creation. That means that everything that we do, must be done as if it were being done for ourselves. We must always follow the rule that says; do unto others, as you would have them do unto you. We must fully understand that we always get more out of life when we live our lives from the place of oneness, unselfish service, and sincerity. Is there any other way to live life? Of course there isn't any other way to live life. No matter what any other way of life seems to offer me, I refuse do live life any other way. Because to try and live any other way, is to try and live a lie and remain happy as if nothing were out of order. We cannot afford to live a self-entered, self indulged life; take a look at the world today and the condition it is in, what we see in the world today is the end results of a self-centered greedy lifestyle.

Baba-Kundi Ma'at-Shambhala (SpiritWalker) Copyright March 16, 2012