Jayplay

March 02, 2006

STUDENT NIGhT OWLS

STUDENTS TRY TO PULL THE ULTIMATE ALLNIGHTER: A PART-TIME, THIRD-SHIFT JOB. WHO NEEDS SLEEP?

10
working the graveyard shift

19
living with large breasts

ALL NIGHT LONG

SPEAK

do sunless tanners work?

a sunny glow

whats going on

TABLE OF CONTENTS CALENDAR BITE

dealing with allergies

HEALTH

online ordination

NOTICE

7
15

faux glow

10
17

burning the midnight oil

FEATURE

Ive never been much of a night owl. A lifelong morning person, I am a nerd in the college realm because Im at my sharpest between 7 and 9 a.m. and seldom coherent after 1 or 2 a.m. I recently hit rock-bottom when my night-life queen roommate, an ultrahip bartender, came home as I was getting up, around 6 a.m. I waited patiently to take a shower while she took out her contacts. Have you been drinking? she asked, astonished. No. Im justawake, I said, not

EDITORS NOTE

wanting to explain that I was eager to get in some reading while my brain was bright. I shuddered, thinking how ghastly I would feel going to bed at 6. So I tip my hat to the people in Malinda Osbornes article, p. 10, who defy their natural instincts, circadian rhythms and socialization to work at night. Not only do they not sleep, but they perform with a lot of responsibility breaking up fights, calling ambulances and sniffing for pot.

Its these nocturnal creatures, from UPS loaders to security workers to dorm hall deskies, who make sure the worlds safe and orderly for early birds like me. Natalie Johnson
Photographs and captions in last weeks Jayplay need clarification. In the article No stability: Life on the street. the captions were misleading. Neither of the subjects shown on the cover of Jayplay were reported to have addictions. In the photo on page 10, the subjects were searching for objects to sell. They were not looking for food. In the photo on page 11, the subjects were going to clean a trailer that they had permission to live in. In the photo on page 13, only Raleigh Worthington (foreground) was speaking about the bonds of the homeless community. Jayplay regrets these errors.

JAYPLAYERS
EDITOR THE STAR Natalie Johnson ASSOCIATE EDITOR THE RAMDOG Lindsey Ramsey CLERK GETS AROUND TOWN Andrew Campbell DESIGNERS MAKE IT PRETTY Becka Cremer Jacky Carter PHOTOGRAPHER TELL ME WHAT YOU NEED Kit Leffler COPY EDITOR MAKES IT RIGHT Tara Schupner BITE ALWAYS HAS THE MUNCHIES Melissa Byrd Carrie Hillard Erin Wisdom OUT HITS THE TOWN David Heller Charissa Young NOTICE TAKES NOTE OF IT Liz Nartowicz Malinda Osborne Carolyn Tharp HEALTH KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY Marion Hixon Jason Shaad CONTACT HELPS YOUR LOVE LIFE Stefanie Graves Kristen Maxwell Rachel Zupek CREATIVE CONSULTANT KNOWS A LOT Carol Holstead WRITE TO US jayplay06@gmail.com JAYPLAY The University Daily Kansan 111 Stauffer-Flint Hall 1435 Jayhawk Blvd. Lawrence, KS 66045

HAWK TOPICS
too hot to handle

15
what the right bra does for you

19
bemoaning boobs

NOTICE

we tell you what we think

REVIEWS

SPEAK

VOLUME 3, ISSUE 21

02 JAYPLAY 03.02.2006

al e d ar
The Epics Forrest Gump Mo Rocca Sci Fi Griffen SMA Flowers Anne Frank Lucinda Williams Iron Jawed Angels Eileen Ivers

FRIDAY 3.03
29th Annual KU Jazz Festival Combo Night. Kansas Union, 7:30 p.m., all ages, $10 for students, 864-3436 Ad Astra Per Aspera, AM Syndicate, The Black, Sad Fingers. Jackpot Saloon, 10 p.m., 18+, $5, www. jackpotsaloon.com Cosmic Bowling. Kansas Union, 11 p.m. to 1 a.m., all ages, FREE, www.suaevents.com Dead Commuter, Lethe. Replay Lounge, 10 p.m., 21+, $2, www. replaylounge.com Delirium. Kemper Arena, 8 p.m., all ages, $69.50 - $99.50, www. kemperarenakc.com * Eileen Ivers. Lied Center, 7:30 p.m., all ages, $23 to $28, www. lied.ku.edu First Fridays. Hawks Nest, 7 p.m., all ages, FREE, www. suaevents.com Green Carnation, Beyond The Embrace, Sicadis. El Torreon Ballroom, 7 p.m., all ages, $10, www.eltorreon.com* 21+, $4, www.jazzhaus.com Flogging Molly. Beaumont Club, 8 p.m., 21+, $16.50, www. kcclubs.com* The Living Things, Vacation. Bottleneck, 8:30 p.m., all ages, $9, www.bottlenecklive.com Lucinda Williams. VooDoo Lounge at Harrahs Casino, 7 p.m., 21+, $25, www.voodookc. com* Mirror Image (CD Release). Boobie Trap Bar, 8:30 p.m., all ages, $5/ $6 (under 21), www. boobietrapbar.com* Murder Mystery Dinner. Kansas Union, 8 p.m., all ages, FREE, www.suaevents.com Performance & Culture Seminar. Hall Center, 1:30 p.m., all ages, FREE, www.hallcenter. ku.edu Red Herring. Lawrence Community Theatre, all ages, price varies, www. community.lawrence.com/ CommunityTheatre/ Savage Henry. Jazzhaus, 9 p.m., Seem-To-Be-Players: The Diary of Anne Frank. Lawrence Art Center, 7:30 p.m., all ages, www.lawrenceartcenter.com Sci-Fi Fermentation: The Impact of Science on the Natural World. Kemper Museum, 10 a.m. to 9 p.m., all ages, FREE, www.kemperart. org * Tab Benoit. Uncle Bos T-Town Bar, 8:30 p.m., 21+, $15 $18, www.unclebos.com* Territory Bands, Then and Now. Kansas Union, 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., all ages, FREE, 864-2305 The World Famous Lipizzaner Stallions. Hale Arena, 7:30 p.m., all ages, $20.50, www.kemperaneakc.com * World Fusion Music: Eileen Ivers, Violin & Immigrant Soul. Lied Center, 7:30 p.m., all ages, $11.50, www.lied.ku.edu

THURSDAY 3.02

SATURDAY 3.04
Back Porch Blues Band. Uncle Bos T-Town Bar, 8:30 p.m., 21+, $3, www.unclebos.com* Backlash, Warlock. Boobie Trap Bar, 9 p.m., all ages, $5 $6, www.boobietrapbar.com* Cosmic Bowling. Jaybowl, Kansas Union, 11 p.m. to 1 a.m., FREE, www.ku.edu/~calendar. and 8 p.m., $69.50-$99.50, www. kemperarenakc.com. Exhibition: Flowers, Dragons and Pine Trees. Spencer Museum of Art, 10 a.m. to 5 p.m., FREE, www.spencerart.ku.edu Exhibition: Kurt Lightner: Five Acres. Kemper Museum of Contemporary Art, 10 a.m. to 9 p.m., FREE, www.kemperart.org. Exhibition: Sci-Fi Fermentation: The Impact of Science on the Natural World. Kemper Museum of Contemporary Art, 10 a.m. to 9 p.m., FREE, www.kemperart.org. Floored, The Epics. Grand Emporium, 8 p.m., 21+, $5, www. kcclubs.com* Jason Boland & the Stragglers, No Justice. Granada, 8 p.m., all ages, $10, www.thegranada.com Hale Arena 1701 American Royal Court Kansas City, Mo. 816-513-4000 Kemper Arena 1800 Genessee Kansas City, Mo. 816-513-4000 Kemper Museum of Art 4420 Warwick Blvd. Kansas City, Mo. 816-561-3737 Mikes Tavern 5424 Troost Avenue Kansas City, Mo. 816-444-3399 Nelson-Atkins 4525 Oak St. Kansas City, Mo. 816-751-1278 Uncle Bos T-Town Bar 420 S.E. Sixth St. Topeka 785-234-5400 VooDoo Lounge at Harrahs Casino 1 Riverboat Drive Kansas City, Mo. 816-472-7777 Mi & Lau, Boo and Boo Too. Jackpot Saloon, 10 p.m., 18+, $6, www.thejackpotsaloon.com Mo Rocca: Gamekillers 101 . Budig Hall, 8 p.m., FREE ticket vouchers available at SUA Box Office, 864-SHOW Ogre, Conner. Replay Lounge. 10 p.m., 21+, $2, www. replaylounge.com Regina Carter Quartet. Folly Theater, 8 p.m., all ages, $15 $45, www.follytheater.com* Tri Point Paradox. Jazzhaus, 10 p.m., 21+, $4, www.jazzhaus. com

Better Than Ezra. VooDoo Lounge at Harrahs Casino, 8 p.m., 21+, $15, www.voodookc. com*

Exhibition: Gordon Parks At Home and Abroad: A Small Selection. Spencer Museum of Art, 10 a.m. to 9 p.m., all ages, FREE, www.spencerart.ku.edu

Black Ale Sinners. Jazzhaus, 10 p.m., 21+, $3, www.jazzhaus. com Exhibition: Celebrating a Grand Gift: The Hallmark Photographic Collection. Nelson-Atkins Museum of Art, 10 a.m. to 4 p.m., all ages, FREE, www.nelson-atkins.org*

Exhibition: Kurt Lightner: Five Acres. Kemper Museum of Art, 10 a.m. to 4 p.m., all ages, FREE, www.kemperart.org* Exhibition: MFA Thesis. KU Art and Design Gallery, 8:30 a.m. - 9 p.m., all ages, FREE, www. ku.edu/~sfa/art/adgallery.html Exhibition: Sci-Fi Fermentation: The Impact of Science on the Natural World. Kemper Museum of Art, 10 a.m. to 4 p.m., all ages, FREE, www. kemperart.org* Exhibition: Two Cultures: Collection. Natural History Museum, 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., all ages, FREE, www.nhm.ku.edu/

Gallery Conversations: Intern Madeline Rislow on the several Italian oak cassone (chests) in the Spencers permanent collection. Spencer Museum of Art Kress Gallery, 12:15 p.m., all ages, FREE, www. spencerart.ku.edu Kreator, A Perfect Murder, Undying. Bottleneck, 7:30 p.m., all ages, $19, www. bottlenecklive.com Randy Rogers. Grand Emporium, 8 p.m., 21+, $9, www.kcclubs.com* Wine & Cheese Lecture: The Ocean Empire: Reconsidering Japanese Expansionism, 1895-1945 with William Tsutsui, associate professor of Japanese history. ECM Center, 4:30 p.m., all ages, FREE, www. ceas.ku.edu

Delirium. Kemper Arena, 2 p.m.

Exhibition: Flowers, Dragons and Pine Trees: Asian Textiles in the Spencer Museum of Art. Spencer Museum of Art, 10 a.m. to 9 p.m., all ages, FREE, www. spencerart.ku.edu

WHERE

Beaumont Club 4050 Pennsylvania Avenue Kansas City, Mo. 816-561-2560 Boobie Trap Bar 1417 SW 6th St. Topeka 785-232-9008

Daveys Uptown 3402 Main St. Kansas City, Mo. 816-753-1909

Folly Theater 300 W. 12th St. Kansas City, Mo. 816-474-4444

El Torreon Ballroom 3101 Gillham Plaza Kansas City, Mo.

Grand Emporium 3832 Main St. Kansas City, Mo. 816-531-1504

03.02.2006 JAYPLAY 03

SUNDAY 3.05
Adam Vessa. Harbour Lights, 10 p.m., 21+, $2, 785-841-1960 Cover Wars Semi-final. Grand Emporium, 7 p.m., 21+, $5, www. kcclubs.com* A Day in Attica, The Cast Pattern, Morningside Drive. Boobie Trap Bar, 8 p.m., all ages, $5 $6, www.boobietrapbar. com* Two Cultures: Collection. Natural History Museum, 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., all ages, FREE, www. nhm.ku.edu Film: The Day After. Lawrence Public Library, 2:30 p.m., all ages, FREE, www.lawrence.lib.ks.us/ Oscars Night, showing of iMovie Film Competition winners. Liberty Hall, 5 p.m., all ages, FREE, www.suaevents.com Red Herring. Lawrence Community Theatre,

all ages, $14-$16, www. community.lawrence.com/ CommunityTheatre/ Sea Peoples. Jackpot Saloon, 10 p.m., 18+, $4, www. thejackpotsaloon.com The Insidious Rays, Fattback, Pierpont. Replay Lounge, 10 p.m., 21+, $2, www. replaylounge.com

TUESDAY 3.07
Bodisartha, Motus. Mikes Tavern, 8p, 21+, $5, www. mikestavernkc.com* Dr. Mahdi Obeidi, Chief Scientist to Saddam Hussein. Budig Hall, 7:30 p.m., all ages, FREE, www.suaevents.com Exhibition: Photography Between the Wars: A Survey of American and European Photography 1920-1940. Spencer Museum of Art, 10 a.m. to 5 p.m., all ages, FREE, www. spencerart.ku.edu

Exhibition: Two Cultures: Collection. Natural History Museum, 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., all ages, FREE, h t t p : / / n h m . ku.edu

SMB Project, Grand Emporium, 8 p.m., 18+, FREE, www.kcclubs. com* Hundred Year Storm (TX), WIDOWS (Formally The Kirby), Scooter Tramp Jr., The Insidious Rays, Fatback. Embodiment Daveys Uptown, 8:30 p.m., 21+, $6, www.daveysuptown.com*

Film: Forrest Gump. Kansas Union Woodruff Auditorium, 7 p.m., all ages, FREE, http://www. suaevents.com/ Jon Roniger. Boobie Trap Bar, 9 p.m., all-ages, $5 $6, www. boobietrapbar.com*

MONDAY 3.06
Coming of Age in Literature: Discussion of The Center of Everything by Laura Moriarty. Lawrence Public Library, 7 p.m., all ages, FREE, www.lawrence. lib.ks.us/ Exhibition: Explore Evolution. Natural History Museum, 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., all ages, FREE, www. nhm.ku.edu Exhibition: MFA Thesis. KU Art & Design Gallery, 8:30 a.m. to 4:30 p.m., all ages, FREE, www. ku.edu/~sfa/art/adgallery.html

Family Force 5. Grand Emporium, 8 p.m., 18+, $8, www. kcclubs.com* Pilates. Student Recreation and Fitness Center. 9 to 10 p.m., FREE. Be honest. Are you ready for good-looking, tanned coeds to see you in a swimsuit? Burn off the Mardi Gras liquor at Pilates. Itll make you stronger, leaner, and more coordinated all when drinking on beach for five days.

Two Cultures: Collection. Natural History Museum, 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., all ages, FREE, w w w. nhm.ku.edu

WEDNESDAY 3.08
Big Metal Rooster. Fatsos, 9 p.m., 785.865.4055 Cosmopolitics. Harbour Lights, 10 p.m., 21+, $2, 841-1960 Exhibition: Flowers, Dragons and Pine Trees: Asian Textiles in the Spencer Museum of Art. Spencer Museum of Art, 10 a.m. to 5 p.m., all ages, FREE, w w w. spencerart.ku.edu Exhibition: Photography Between the Wars: A Survey of American and European Photography 1920-1940.

Spencer Museum of Art, 10 a.m. to 5 p.m., all ages, FREE, www. spencerart.ku.edu Exhibition: Two Cultures: Collection. Natural History Museum, 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., all ages, FREE, www.n h m . k u . e d u Film: Iron Jawed Angels. Kansas Union, Woodruff Auditorium, 7 p.m., all ages, FREE, http://www.suaevents. com/ Filthy Jim, Aphasia. Replay Lounge, 10 p.m., 21+, $2, www.

replaylounge.com Jon Nicholson. Grand Emporium, 8 p.m., 21+, www. kcclubs.com* Railroad Earth, The Hackensaw Boys. Bottleneck, 9 p.m., 18+, $12, www. bottlenecklive.com That Acoustic Jam Thing. Jazzhaus, 10 p.m., 21+, www. jazzhaus.com

Lied Center of Kansas

www.lied.ku.edu 785.864.2787
Available at Lied Center, University Theatre, and SUA Ticket Offices.

Half-Price Tickets for KU Students!

ivers
Irish fiddler with

eileen

Immigrant Soul

Friday, March 3 7:30 p.m.

Featuring music styles ranging from Celtic, jazz, salsa and rock to funk and electronica. she made her instrument sound like Jim Hendrixs guitar. The New York Times

700 Mass. 331-4622 www.hostofcool.com

Coffee & Conversation with the Artists following the performance.

Tickets:
Paid for by KU

785.864.2787

TDD:

785.864.2777

04 JAYPLAY 03.02.2006

bite

When food becomes the enemy

KIT LEFFLER

by Carrie Hillard

the stress of living with food allergies

At the tender age of four, Nathan George, Topeka freshman, vividly remembers vomiting, being covered in itchy hives and having extreme difficulty breathing all because he ate a cookie that contained nuts. It was a horrible experience, George says. A trip to the doctor would change the way he ate for the rest of his life. George, like many young children, was diagnosed with an allergy to tree nuts. Although an individual can be allergic to any food, eight foods account for 90 percent of all food-allergic reactions: milk, eggs, peanuts, tree nuts (like walnuts and cashews), fish, shellfish, soy and wheat. Food allergies affect about 6 to 8 percent of infants and young children and 3.5 to 4 percent of adults, says Anna Nowak-Wegrzyn, M.D., assistant professor of pediatrics at Mount Sinai School of Medicine. Although some people can outgrow their allergies, peanuts, nuts, fish and shellfish are often life-long allergies. A food allergy is defined as an immune system-mediated adverse reaction to foods. Food intolerances cause a variety of reactions and resemble food allergies,

Food allergies are serious. For some people, tasting or even touching a certain food can trigger a severe and potentially lifethreatening reaction.

but they do not have an immune system basis, Nowak-Wegrzyn says. For example, lactose intolerance is not a food allergy because the intolerance is due to the lack of an enzyme that digests milk. Lactose intolerance causes abdominal pain, bloating and diarrhea, which are common symptoms of many food allergies.

The first is the production of the antibody called immunoglobulin E (IgE) that circulates in the blood, and the second is a type of cell called a mast cell. People usually inherit the ability to form IgE against food allergens, but without it, food allergens survive to enter the bloodstream and travel to target organs, causing allergic reactions throughout the body. Treatment and diet Food allergic reactions account for an estimated 115 to 200 deaths each year in the U.S. and about 30,000 people are treated for allergic reactions in hospitals, says Robert Pacenza, executive director of the non-profit Food Allergy Initiative. Reaction protocol dictates that the allergic person goes to the hospital but some opt to handle the reaction at home. There is no cure for food allergies. Strict avoidance of the offending food is the only way to avoid a reaction. Benedryl and epinephrine can ward off less serious reactions. Epinephrine, or adrenaline, is available by prescription and administered through a self-injected device. Fernkopf says he carries an EpiPen that he is supposed to take if he accidentally eats peanuts or something cooked in peanut oil to help his chances, but it cant prevent death. There is a specific diet doctors have used to aid patients with food allergies,

Allergic reactions Food allergies are serious. For some people, tasting or even touching a certain food can trigger a severe and potentially lifethreatening reaction. Paul Fernkopf, Topeka sophomore, found out he was allergic to peanuts when he ate some and broke out in hives in the fifth grade. Even his girlfriend has to be careful of what she eats, Fernkopf says. If I were to kiss her after she ate a food with peanuts or peanut oil, the remnants in her mouth could cause me to have a severe allergic reaction, he says. Food normally doesnt trigger a response from a persons immune system. But for those who suffer from food allergies, two parts of the immune system are involved, according to researchers at the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Disease.

says Hilary Kass, Nutrition Educator at Law became effective. Before this law, the Community Mercantile, 901 Iowa. manufacturers used to be able to use The rotation diet is the term natural when the offending food flavors even when the is completely eliminated product contained common allergic from the diet for a major allergens. reactions to food period of time (usually This caused major a tingling sensation in  two to three weeks), problems for foodthe mouth and then, depending allergic consumers, swelling of the tongue  on the severity of the who would have to and throat allergy, some people call the manufacturer rash can reintroduce it to confirm whether eczema back into their diet. or not an allergen hives and swelling The person must then was present. The vomiting wait four days before bill now requires abdominal cramps eating that particular food manufacturers diarrhea food again. This process to clearly state if a wheezing can continue as long product contains any difficulty breathing as no reaction occurs. of the eight major drop in blood pressure Some practitioners say food allergens. loss of consciousness everyone should eat this Since the law was death (very rarely) way. passed, the FDA has Symptoms typically appear We are all done a good job within minutes to two predisposed to in explaining and hours after a person has developing allergies and interpreting codes to eaten the food to which he the over-consumption food manufacturers, or she is allergic. of a particular food can which will help foodbring the allergy out, but allergen sufferers in Source: American College if you are on a rotation the long run, Pacenza of Allergy, Asthma & diet, you wont have says. Immunology as much opportunity Luckily I dont for the food allergy to really care for nuts develop, Kass says. anyways, so I dont feel like Im missing out, George says. But Reading the labels it would be nice to have the option to On January 1, 2006, the Food Allergen eat what I want without having to read Labeling and Consumer Protection labels and worry what its made of.

03.02.2006 JAYPLAY 05

biTe

POST-DRINKS EATS

We have pitas to make, people. So says Phillip Peck, co-owner of The Pita Pit to his employees. Indeed. The Pita Pit satisfies the latenight crowd looking for something a little more spring break-friendly than the usual greasy postbar fare. Pecks pick for best late-night pita? The Dagwood theres lots of meat on that one. The Pita Pit is open and delivers (limited delivery area) until 3 a.m. Guilt-free never tasted so good. Melissa Byrd

little-known food fact

The average American eats more than half a pound of cheese each week. This amounts to more than 26 pounds of cheese consumed per person per year.

Source: www.foodreference.com

Erin Wisdom

PRODUCT REVIEW
CrunChwrap supreme Although Taco Bells Crunchwrap Supreme
disappeared for a while, its back and better than ever. Im normally a little hesitant to eat anything that resembles a flying saucer, but the CS has all the components needed to taste great. It is a crunchy tostada shell with beef and warm nacho cheese on one side and lettuce, tomatoes and cool sour cream on the other side, all wrapped in a soft flour tortilla and grilled. My only complaint was that it was hard to add taco sauce inside the tortilla shell, but, then again, it really doesnt need it. At only $1.99, it fills you up and is wallet-friendly too.
Carrie

MIND YOUR MANNERS

Ms. Manners

Never briNg AN uNfiNished cockTAil To The TAble where diNNer is beiNg served. leAve iT ANd Ask for ANoTher AfTer beiNg seATed.
Source: The Consortium Institute for Management and Business Analysis
Kristen Maxwell

Hillard

Powersports Absolute Auction

Manufacturers Inventory
ATVs, scooters, dirt bikes, mopeds, mini choppers and more!

Saturday, March 4 10:00am

SACs Distribution Center 1202 Cardinal Dr Eudora, KS In cooperation with

Saturday, March 11 Saturday, April 8 10:00am

Olathe, KS

785.537.5057
www.purplewave.com 06 JAYPLAY 03.02.2006

HEAltH

by Marion Hixon

A not-so-nAturAl glow
testing tanners
The UV rays of a tanning bed may scare you off and membership to a salon might blow your pre-spring break budget. Consider visiting your local drugstore for some selftanner. Foams, lotions and sprays range from $4.99 to $11.99. In an attempt to break my tanning bed addiction, I set out on a mission to test the top brands and types of self-tanner. In the end, I looked like a sun-kissed rainbow of browns. Not necessarily a good thing in the middle of February, but my trial-and-error process still delivered answers. Coppertone Sunless Tanning Bronzing Foam, $11.99 Results: Took only 30 minutes and was the darkest and most drastic change. I was almost two shades darker, but it faded radically by the second day. There wasnt much streaking, but the edges of my tan were a bit rough and the color was somewhat unrealistic. If you use the foam, make sure to rub it everywhere or it will look highly irregular. Side Effects: After application, my tan was fairly sticky for the rest of the day. LOREAL Sublime Bronze Any Angle Self-Tanning Spray, $9.99 Results: This was the fastest result I got in terms of a believable-looking tan. I applied the spray before bed and woke up the next morning with a visible difference. However, roommate assistance may be required, as its supposed to be sprayed from an arms length. Side Effects: They always tell you not to breathe it in, but I always do, Vaughan warns of the sprays toxic odor. The scent isnt overwhelming at first, but after youve covered your whole body in it, you may need a breath of fresh air. Jergens Natural Glow Daily Moisturizer, $6.99 Results: Definitely the most cost efficient and reliable of the three products I can understand why it sold out nationwide when it came on the market. After about four days, my skin was a slightly darker tone and looked healthy. Side Effects: Using the lotion regularly may build up in skin crevices near the knuckles, knees and elbows. I could see a different shade on my feet where I had forgotten to apply the lotion. *find all products at www.drugstore.com or local drug stores and pharmacies.

KIT LEFFLER

A look at the spotty benefits of sunless tanners

Its 29 degrees in Lawrence and while students are beginning to feel the stress of classes, they are also extremely aware of the impending spring break. So its not uncommon to work on a tan in the dead of winter. Gone are the Victorian days when a pale complexion signified societal prominence and dark skin tone signified common folk who got their hands dirty. These days, we darken our hands with sprays, foams and lotions that promise to make us three shades darker in seven days. Its obvious from self-tanner commercials and magazine covers bearing curiously dark celebrities that these products are moving from a trendy and temporary position to a more permanent role in society. Theyre gaining popularity because you could stay inside for a week and still emerge as if youve been basking under the sun. The active chemical in sunless tan lotions, or self-tanners, is dihydroxyacetone (DHA). DHA is one of few ingredients in tan-enhancing products that has been approved by the Food and Drug Administration, reports Brown Universitys sun protection studies and BUPA, a British health care agency. DHA darkens the skin by turning to a sugar upon application and combining with amino acids in the skin to form melanin, which gives a brown tint to skin. Self tanners are basically vegetable dyes that get absorbed by the skin cells that change them to a brown tan, says Dr. Matthew Buxton, of Lawrence Dermatology, 346 Maine. Over time, manufacturers have perfected the coloring from an orange to a more natural brown tone, he says. While sunless tanning is a safe alternative to sunbathing, you should be aware of the chemicals included in any lotion. Research your product and look at the ingredients in it. Be a knowledgeable consumer, advises Beth Ryszewski, general manager at Sunkissed Tan, 2540 Iowa St. If youre purchasing lotion at a tanning salon, its important to drill the person behind the counter for information on the product, she says. Because of more even-spread results, Ryszewski prefers using a tanning booth instead of sunless tanners. Its not the product thats the problem, just that its difficult to apply, she says. Still, its tempting to use self-tanner because it means you dont have to leave the house. Ive used the spray tanner and I like it because I dont have the time to constantly go to tanning booths, says Rachel Vaughan, Naperville, Ill. sophomore. Vaughan, a redhead, has fair skin and burns easily. I also use it because I dont want to end up looking like a wrinkled old hag, she says. The main drawback to sunless tanners cited by students is the fact that, when applied incorrectly, it often leaves irregular streaks and an unnatural orange tint on the skin. Cara Grin and Jennifer Watkins, Overland Park sophomores, have experimented with bronzers and lotions since high school. They say its safer to visit a tanning salon for a more even and consistent outcome. Despite spots and streaks, sunless tanners are far healthier for your body than exposure to UV rays. Overexposure to the suns UV rays can accelerate the appearance of wrinkles on the skin and cause melanoma (skin cancer). Dr. Buxton, dermatologist, often treats college students with melanoma, many of them frequent tanners. Buxton recommends self-tanners because whether UV rays are natural or artificial, theyre all harmful for your skin. Tanning booths are just as bad for your skin as the sun and probably worse because theres some perpetuation of a myth that theyre safe, he says.

03.02.2006 JAYPLAY 07

HEALTH

DID YOU KNOW

Mom always told me the white spots under my fingernails came from not drinking enough milk. Turns out she was wrong. The white spots, known to doctors as leukonychia, are actually caused by minor injury to the base of your nails, according to www.DrWeil.com, a site maintained by Andrew Weil, a clinical professor of medicine at the University of Arizonas College of Medicine. Because the white spots dont develop until about six weeks after the injury, you probably wont remember hurting your finger. No wonder milk never helped.
tip

Linda Luckey, assistant to the senior vice provost

Source: www.DrWeil.com
Jason Shaad

5?
The coo-coo clocks in my grandparents house. Soduku puzzles. I stayed up until 3 a.m. last night working on them. I Cant Help Falling in Love by Elvis Presley I never give up.

Mallory Smith, St. Joseph, Mo., sophomore

According to the American Podiatric Medical Association, feet tend to swell during the day as you walk around. As a result, afternoons and evenings are the best times to try on shoes because youre less likely to buy something that will fit too tight and ultimately end up hurting your feet. Source: American Podiatric Medical Association
Jason Shaad

The nexT TiMe you wanT a new pair of TreadS, waiT unTil laTer in The day To STarT Shopping.

WHAT IS YOUR FIRST MEMORY? FAVORITE THING TO DO AS A MEANS OF PROCRASTINATION? MOST ROMANTIC SONG/MAKE OUT? WHAT ONE STATEMENT WOULD YOUR LOVED ONES AGREE ON ABOUT YOU? WHATS THE CRAZIEST THING YOUVE DONE IN COLLEGE?

My first day of kindergarten. All out names were on the desk and it freaked me out because I couldnt read.

Watch TV.

Lets Get It On by Marvin Gaye

Im definitely much wackier than I seem. Im really a goofball.

My friends and I stole a 20foot fiberglass cow and put it on a friends front lawn.

I peed behind a dumpster.

Malinda Osborne

WESCOE WIT
Girl: (spits) Guy: Ah, thats gross! Girl: Whatever, you do it all the time. Guy: But Im a guy. Girl: So am I. Guy: No youre not. Girl: Yes I am. Maybe youd notice if you spent more time on foreplay. Girl 1: Where were you yesterday? Girl 2: I had to charge my iPod. Girl 1: You missed class to charge your iPod? Girl 2: I wasnt going to walk to class without music.

08 JAYPLAY 03.02.2006

Girl: How was your Valentines? Guy: Okay, we stayed in and watched a movie. You? Girl: We went to Quintons. Guy: How was that? Girl: Disgusting, all night it was like last call. Everyone trying to find a Valentines hook-up.

W
Guy 1: I dont get why people put ketchup on steak. It ruins it. Guy 2: Its a white trash thing.
Liz Nartowicz

Is it faith, or faking it?

by Carolyn Tharp

nOtICe

If you ever need to preside over a wedding or baptism, heres the solution to that little problem of becoming a minister.

Phillip Wrigley, Lawrence sophomore, didnt been ordained through UCL for about five plan on becoming a minister. In fact, hes years. He has absolved peoples sins and was studying history. But when his friend told him the chaplain of his Boy Scout troop, where he he could become an official, ordained minister led religious services on campouts. He also just by clicking a button, Wrigley decided to tried to baptize himself, but didnt know what sign up. He became ordained at 15, when he he was doing, he says. However, Billings thinks and his friend thought it ULCs open-door approach to would be a funny thing to do. ordination is a good idea. Nowadays, all you have to I dont think theres any General MInIstry do to become a minister is learning you need to do to bestsellers apply over the Internet. In just express your spirituality, Billings 1. Ordination three minutes the Universal says.You dont have to be taught credential certificate, Life Church ordains anyone how to do that. $4.95 who has Internet access ULC does offer courses for 2. Plastic (credit card and wants to be a minister. those willing to take them. style) ULC wallet The non-denominational, Billings said he didnt want to credential, $12 interfaith church accepts spend the money on training. 3. ULC pin, $4 requests for ordination on its But theres tremendous value 4. Church license plate Web site, www.ulc.org. in the education, says Peter cover, $5 However, ULC does not Luckey, senior pastor at Plymouth 5. Anointing oil, 1/4actually process ordinations Congregational Church, 925 ounce, $7.99 online, says Andre Hensley, Vermont St. Just being able to 6. Sanctified Mountain a minister with the ULC perform a ceremony doesnt Spring Holy Water, headquarters. The Web make you a good minister. $6.95 site simply takes requests Its not very hard to stand up 7. Donation to the ULC and the actual ordinations in front of two people and say, Monastery, various are processed at ULCs I now pronounce you man and amounts headquarters in Modesto, wife, he says. 8. Monastery Calif., he says. What a minister needs, Luckey membership Hensleys parents founded says, is a community or church to certificate, $35 the church in 1959. Since then, discern whether a person really 9. Incorporation it has ordained more than 18 has the gift of ministry. Ministers package users million ministers in more than need a community to hold them guide, $19.95 80 countries. accountable and say whether 10. Journey to The only requirements to theyre doing a good job, he Religious Freedom, become a ULC minister are says. by Brother Daniel a valid name and address ULC accepts those who have Zimmerman, $29 and a background check to received a calling to become Source: Universal Life see if the applicant has been a minister and ordains them, Church, www.ulg.org ordained before. Hensley says. But only God can The lax prerequisites baffle truly ordain a person, he adds. other religious leaders. A ULC gives everyone a chance Catholic priest, for example, must have years to voice his or her beliefs, Hensley says. Each of educational experience, including a masters person has the right to interpret what is right degree in divinity. Father John Schmeidler, a for him or herself, as long as it doesnt infringe priest at St. John the Evangelical Church, 1234 on the rights of others, he says. Kentucky St., says he had to complete 210 ULC cant verify the motivation for the 6,000hours of graduate-level work, 7,000 ordinations it grants each month. But Seeking religious leadership from someone even if only half of those requests are serious, ordained on ULC would be like going to a thats still 3,500 ministers a month who are doctor or a psychiatrist who got a degree over serious about the ministry, Hensley says. the Internet, Schmeidler says. ULCs Web site offers more than just A minister has to know about the heart ordination. Feeling really bad about something and soul, which takes training and experience, you did and want make to it better? Click on he says. It certainly takes longer than three Instant Absolution of Sin, and youre forgiven. minutes. You can also buy one of the churchs popular Once ordained, ULC ministers can perform Ministry-in-a-Box kits which contain books, weddings, funerals, baptisms, house blessings materials, ceremonies and training to get new and absolve sins. Wrigley hasnt used his ministers started for $139. The kit includes a ordination in any formal fashion, he says, manual, a personalized high-quality certificate unless you count the time he blessed water of ordination (suitable for framing) and other and poured it on a friend. certificates for ceremonies. Nathan Billings, Lawrence freshman, has
KIT LEFFLER

03.02.2006 JAYPLAY 09

A HARD DAYS NIGHT

KU students brave threats on their health and social life when they work the night shift.
by Malinda Osborne
Do you smell that? I feel like such a dog sniffing the air. I dont smell it. I smelled it at seven this morning outside someones door. Can you believe that? I dont smell weed. Lets keep going. For the next 45 minutes, Zach Straus prowls Ellsworths hallways, checking the handles on fire extinguisher cases, sniffing the air for signs of misbehavior and peeking in common rooms along with three other resident assistants. This ritual always begins the Topeka seniors shift as an overnight security monitor. While most students are sleeping soundly by 3 a.m., a select few are using this time to work. The night shift has no specific length, so long as it occurs between 8 p.m. and 8 a.m. And its not just for strippers and gas station attendants. College students working to pay off tuition or rent comprise some of the 5 million alternate shift workers between ages 16 and 24, according to a 2004 U.S. Labor Department study. In total, nearly 15 million work the night shift, which makes up 14.8 percent of all full-time wage and salary workers. College students are notorious for staying up all hours of the night. Fiftyfive percent of adults ages 18 to 20 go to bed past midnight, according to a study conducted by ACNielson, a marketing information company. So who can blame these scrappy gogetters who want to earn cash while theyre already burning the midnight oil? A firsthand look at a few KU students who work night shifts reveals that not just any Zack, Kelly or Slater can handle the rigors of the nightly grind while attending school. Just because you can stay up all night drinking doesnt mean you can stay up all night working. Thats one of the misconceptions students have when they apply to work the 10 p.m. to 3 a.m. or the 4 a.m. to 9 a.m. shift, says Elizabeth George, supervisor for recruitment at UPS. The adjustment for working these times requires getting much less sleep than normal, which is hard for most to get used to, she says. After five years of hiring workers for these shifts, she has witnessed the revolving door of students who start the job and then burn out quickly. New hires often get sick or have difficulty concentrating on their tasks, George says. Some students figureIve survived on three hours of sleep before so why not try it while working? she says. Theyre good for the first two days, but after three or four they cant handle it anymore. George is referring to what happens to those who adjust to changes in their sleep cycle. The sleep cycle is regulated by two biological systems: sleep/wake homeostasis and the circadian rhythm, says Marci Cleary, spokesperson for the National Sleep Foundation. After staying awake for a long period of time, sleep/wake homeostasis tells us we need to sleep. The circadian rhythm, on the other hand, regulates the timing of periods of sleepiness and wakefulness throughout the day. The rhythm is controlled by a group of neurons in the hypothalamus portion of the brain. The neurons respond to light and dark signals. When your eye perceives light, your brain thinks its time to be awake vice versa for darkness. When the body is exposed to light for a long time, like working at night in a brightly lit building, cues on the brain occur forcing the body to alter its normal sleep pattern to adjust. Thats why those new to the late shift experience something similar to jet lag. Tuesdays and Thursdays were the worst. She had to watch the safety monitors with fixed concentration. She couldnt even work on her homework. that includes lots of naps and All night long she stared at the often- sleeping at set times. This has made empty screens, waiting for the shift to all the difference, she says. end at 6 a.m. After she got off work, it You have to take your sleep was only two more hours until her 8 seriously when working at night, a.m. class. Mondays, Wednesdays and says Kenneth Wright, director of Fridays were a little better. On those the Sleep & Chronobiology Lab days, class didnt start until 10 a.m. at the University of Colorado Tracy Blunt, Thornton, Colo., Boulder. Wright has been freshman, began working nights studying the biological rhythms for the KU Public that regulate sleep. Safety office when He recommends a she first arrived on structured routine SLeeP IS foR THe campus this year. that workers start LeSSeR kNowN Throughout high as soon as they are If you have a penchant school she held scheduled to work at for burning the an after-school night, which involves midnight oil youre in job. She wanted setting aside an good company. These to do the same adequate amount of famous night owls were when she came to time for sleep every known for working college and ended day and a cool, dark, well into the night with up working as a quiet place in which the occasional cat nap security monitor. to sleep. If not, they during the day, of course. Blunt knew from risk encountering the start she wasnt the inherent hazards Michelangelo a nocturnal person associated with Leonardo DaVinci and that she would fatigue. Winston Churchill have to make some If people get four Florence Nightingale adjustments. At first to six hours of sleep Thomas Edison she tried napping a night for a week, Martha Stewart more often to make their performance Bill Clinton up for lost sleep, will be just as bad as Jay Leno but that wasnt someone who has Madonna enough. been awake for 24 http://answers.google. As the semester straight hours, Wright wore on, her says. Getting less schedule started than seven to nine to take its toll. She was a straight A hours of sleep a night results in a student in high school. In college worsening of performance every day, she began to occasionally miss class he says. If sleep is cut short, the body because she was so tired after work. doesnt have time to complete all of For long periods of time she would the phases that help with muscle only get four hours of sleep a night. repair, memory consolidation and She didnt even have time for a set the release of hormones regulating eating schedule. appetite. This can result in side It was hard both physically and effects such as poor concentration, mentally, Blunt says. Especially absenteeism, insomnia, weight gain when it came to studying and my and depression. school work. Getting enough sleep isnt the Blunt cites a number of factors, panacea for shift workers either, Wright such as making the transition to says. Our bodies were not built to college and not getting enough work during the night, he says. There sleep, that prevented her from are natural limits to our performance reaching her goal of a 3.5 GPA. She our biological clock says so. says it wasnt her employers fault, Humans were meant to work but an inability to schedule classes during the solar day. In this 24before agreeing to work at night. hour society, we expect people to Blunt says this semester she makes be awake at all times, but there are sure to adhere to a sleep schedule consequences, Wright says.
PHOTOS BY KIT LEFFLER

Zach Straus, Topeka senior, moves silently along the hallway in search of misbehavior. Straus works as a security monitor for Ellsworth Hall.

Straus job as a security moniter requires he man the residence halls front desk. He says drunk sitters often join him while they wait for their food to be delivered.

CONTINUED ON PAGE 12

10 JAYPLAY 03.02.2006

03.02.2006 JAYPLAY 11

CONTINUED FROM PAGE 11 The sun sets on the horizon as Friday by going out at an earlier time, like to a afternoon turns into evening. Matthew matinee or an early dinner, but its just Hull and his friends are eating an early not the same. dinner. His friends talk excitedly about Hull, like the majority of students in plans for the his position, chose night, but Hull the night shift so doesnt share he could focus on their enthusiasm. school during the In less than six week and have hours he has to time to earn money. be at his job at And, despite the Dillons on 23rd St. enticing drink He ends up going specials, partying to the party with on weeknights his friends but isnt an option. The makes sure to trade off, however, leave before is worth it for Hull. midnight so hes Since the week not late for work. is so free for me He wont be done to get all of my for another eight work done and get and a half hours. enough sleep, it all Elizabeth George, Hull, Colby balances out, he sophomore, supervisor for recruitment at UPS says. cant remember how many Zach Straus movies he hasnt been able to finish completes his security round of and parties he has left early because he Ellsworth Hall and begins to settle in at has to work. He works every Friday and the main entrance for the night. He pulls Saturday from midnight to 8:30 a.m. up a chair to the check in station. Two Hull says its actually the times when workers behind the main desk continue tries to go out before work rather than their game of Monopoly. Then a faint stay home that are the worst. Then buzzing sound emits from near the two he has a clearer picture of what he is workers. Straus takes off in a moments missing out on as he toils under the notice down the South wing in a sprint. sterile glow of fluorescent lights. The He reaches the hallway door at the end only times he can go out are Saturday and bursts it open. Angling his neck as afternoons and occasional weekday he looks out the doorway to the outside, evenings. He says his friends try to help he again finds nothing. Another resident has either left the building or snuck someone in. Graveyard shift workers have to be vigilant in looking out for the safety of others and themselves. Zach Straus works two 11 p.m. to 9 a.m. shifts a week as a security monitor. He says most of the time the job requires minimal effort, but there is still the potential for greater responsibility. He has had to call ambulances and police after encountering residents who were passed out or in other states of peril, Straus says. He deals with the occasional fight. Straus has even been threatened by residents who said they would wait in the parking lot for him after work. Every time its happened, though, I just tell them I will by no means fight anyone while on the clock, because I value my job a whole lot more than I desire to engage in fisticuffs. Its not all conflict and lifethreatening situations, however. Working at night can be just as mindnumbingly boring as it can be exciting. To stay alert on the job, students will revert to any means possible. Straus has his own routine. He begins with what he calls his homework, which is reading all of the magazines that have no forwarding address from students who have moved. Hell move into either gossiping about residents or sitting blankly, staring off into space until his concentration is broken. Sometimes hell throw a racquetball back and forth with a friend for hours. Straus says he enjoys most of the nights because he is working with friends and they spend most of the time talking until the sun comes up. Whether it is because they have enough time for school or they have fun doing it, students working the night shift continue to cling to their schedules despite the inherent risks. Its the lifestyle theyve chosen for themselves and it suits them just fine. That is, most of the time. Straus admits there is only one time during the day he ever has any hesitancies about what he does. It occurs during the eerily silent hours of the early morning, which he calls the witching hour. It usually happens when theres only an hour left on my shift and the day is beginning but you are ending yours, he says. As the sun rises, its a physical reminder that you are different from everyone else and you feel worthless.

Some students figure theyve survived on three hours of sleep before so why not try it while working. Theyre good for the first two days but after three or four they cant handle it anymore.

Straus, security monitor, checks one of the elevators in Ellsworth hall. He says he cant keep another job because he is so conditioned to working at nights.

KIT LEFFLER

Theres a better way to vent.

CUT IT OUT!

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12 JAYPLAY 03.02.2006

Q
M

en, sharpen your pencils and take note: this weekend you can learn to defend yourselves from those pesky gamekillers, or, to put it crudely, cock-blockers. A gamekiller is that girl who professes its a girls night out or the dude who lights his farts on fire and kills the mood, preventing your potential party hookup. Mo Rocca, a former correspondent for The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, arrives on campus Saturday to teach both sexes to recognize and handle an approaching gamekiller in a comedic lecture called Gamekillers 101. But more importantly, KU students want to know what color shirt Rocca will be wearing during his lecture. You may remember Rocca donning a blue KU shirt as a contributor to VH1s I Love series, only to wear a different shirt in an unflattering shade of purple in a later installment. Rocca pleads that he just wants to keep the peace and that the warring in Kansas over his wardrobe choices must stop.

&a

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With
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Q: So, youre fresh off the plane. Did you get anything to eat on the flight? A: The guy next to me grabbed a huge handful of food and wolfed down about half the basket they passed around, so I only got to choose one of the fancy biscotti. Q: No peanuts? Are you pro- or anti-plane peanuts? A: Im all for bringing back the honey roasted peanuts. Pretzels remind me of the television show Coach. It was pointless, but you watched it anyway because it was there. Q: You seem to have run the gambit you were a writer for kids TV show Spy on the Wild, an editor for adult mens magazine Perfect 10 and, most recently, a political satirist. Is there any job you wont do? A: I would not do pay-per-view ultimate fighting. I bruise like a grape. Q: You seem to have an affinity for animals. You penned All the Presidents Pets and host a show on Animal Planet. Do you have any pets? A: I think my involvement with those things has been guilt abatement for not having pets. I did have two cats that were extremely dog-like and affectionate, but theyve passed. Q: Is it true that dogs are chick magnets for guys? A: Yes. Guys with dogs are gamekillers. There are 14 kinds of gamekillers and any number of them can have a dog as an added weapon.

Q: You first wore a Rock Chalk Jayhawk shirt on the I Love the 90s series, garnering the respect and admiration of students across the KU campus, but then you had to go and wear a K-State shirt on I Love the 80s 3-D. What gives? A. This had been a very difficult issue for me. Lets just say that my heart is with KU. However, we have to have peace in Kansas. Look how traumatic things were in the Bleeding Kansas days. K-State sent me a shirt after that appearance, and I didnt want any hostility over my choice of shirts. I wanted to extend an olive branch and wear a K-State shirt. But let me tell you this: the K-State shirt was decidedly less attractive. That purple made me look all washed out. Plus, it was a polyester blend shirt, and I liked wearing the KU shirt more, which was 100 percent cotton. Please, dont think Im dissing you guys. I dont mean to send mixed signals. I really like Lawrence because its a more progressive place. Wichita State begged me to wear one of their shirts, but it was made of corn husks and honestly thats just very itchy. Learn to improve your A-game with Mo Rocca at 8 p.m. on Saturday. Tickets are FREE pick up a voucher with your student ID in the SUA box office. Contact Student Union Activities at (785) 864-7469 for more information.
Charissa Young

www.whitechocolate.net

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03.02.2006 JAYPLAY 13

JAYPLAY SAYS

LISTEN VAN MORRISONS PAY THE DEVIL

SEE DAVE CHAPPELLES BLOCK PARTY

Going through The Chappelle Show withdrawl? If your DVD has worn out, Dave Chappelle you can see on the big screen in this documentary-like film showcasing his comedy and famous friends. Chappelle threw a party in Brooklyn and invited friends including The Roots, Kanye West and Mos Def for exclusive performances. The brilliant Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind director, Michel Gondry, captured it all on film. Released March 3.
Lindsey Ramsey

One of the greatest singer-songwriters in American music history, Van Morrison, releases his newest album Pay the Devil next Tuesday. The primarily country disc features covers of old country classics (Your Cheatin Heart) as well as new tracks written by Morrison. He draws from country, R & B and Celtic influences, but the result is pure Morrison: vintage comfort, and soothing soul.
Natalie Johnson

RENT

Catch up before the Oscars or watch for the first time as Academy Award nominees Joaquin Phoenix and Reese Witherspoon tear up the screen as Johnny and June Carter Cash. DVD special features include director commentary and featurettes showing how Phoenix and Witherspoon became the famous couple. $19.99 at Best Buy
Lindsey Ramsey

WALK THE LINE

Tonight. The classic 90s band that contributed to our grade-school soundtrack remember running through the wet grass, falling a step behind? The champions of mid-90s rock perform at Harrahs VooDoo Lounge tonight. For those over 21 only, tickets are $15.
Natalie Johnson

BETTER THAN EZRA

GO

WATCH

Political movies? Check. Political host? Check. Political view-pushing celebrities? Check. Whatever your view on the four-hour marathon that is the Oscars, it can hardly be as dull as Jude Law jokes and Sean Penn rebuttals. Host Jon Stewart should bring some much-needed humor to this Hollywood love fest. Watch all the glitz, glamour and gold-winning gay cowboys on Sunday night at 7.
Lindsey Ramsey

THE 78th ANNUAL ACADEMY AWARDS

14 JAYPLAY 03.02.2006

RAINE AND RUIGH REVIEW NEWS YOU CAN USE

HAWK TOPICS
2
EmbATTlEd HArvArd PrESIdEnT lAWrEnCE H. SummErS rESIgnS.
Apparently he lacked the innate ability to manage the nations most prestigious university.

nOTICE

Bill Self BencheS Jeff hawkinS after McDonalDSGate, SayinG the Senior GuarD ShoulDnt have worrieD So Much aBout GettinG hiS fooD.

Perhaps if Mr. Hawkins is as hungry for victory as he is for late-night Quarter Pounder, hed see more playing time.

eiGht neBraSka MeatpackerS win recorD $365 Million powerBall Jackpot. Said one jubilant winner: Im going to Disneylandthen Im gonna buy that motherfucker!

jayplay
music freebies

POLITICAL ACTIvIST AND MOONLIGhTING ROCKER BONO RECEIvES NOBEL PEACE PRIzE NOMINATION.

Bonos chances of winning slimmed considerably, however, after the Nobel committee discovered he doesnt actually know how to dismantle an atomic bomb.

In the early mornIng hours of sunday, feb. 19, cows run free through downtown lawrence.
By all accounts, Ladies Night at Abe & Jakes was a smashing success.

LEGENDARY KU BROADCASTER MAX FALKENSTEIN RETIRES Falkenstein says he plans to devote his remaining years to his real passion: tormenting the homeless with a dollar bill tied to a string.

the South Dakota State leGiSlature paSSeS aBortion Ban.

Next up on moral crusadersTo Ban list? Pop Rocks candy. (Its seductive crackling is the work of the devil!)

AmericAn idol clobbers the olympic GAmes in the nielsen rAtinGs.

IraQ totters on the brInK of cIVIl war.

President Bush: (gulp)

Given the choice between watching addlebrained, pop-star wannabes and finely tuned, world-class athletes, Americans overwhelmingly side with the lowest common denominator, as is our wont. (By the way, how did Ace do? Hes sooo hot.)

THE TExAS LONGHORNS SqUELCH THE JAYHAWkS BIG xII TITLE HOpES, TRAmpLING kU 80-55 IN AUSTIN.
Hey, who needs a title when youve got a Big Mac and fries, right?

Ten lucky winners will recieve The Fray's new disc "How to Save a Life" and Mat Kearney's new EP "The Chicago EP."

www.kansan.com/musicfreebies

Chris Raine and Dave Ruigh

10

Contest Rules:
Contest entries can be emailed to musicfreebies@kansan.com or enter online at www.kansan.com/musicfreebies before March 6 at 4 p.m. Contestants may only enter once. Winners will be announced in Jayplay the following Thursday. For questions contact promotions at 864.4358

03.02.2006 JAYPLAY 15

BITCH +
Please send your questions to bitch@kansan.com

Brian Bratichak

moan

Jessica Crowder

HOW DO YOU KNOW WHEN YOU ARE OVER SOMEONE ENOUGH TO START DATING AGAIN? TABATHA, SENIOR
Jessica: I think youre over someone when it no longer makes your stomach churn to hear his or her name mentioned, or when you can look at old photos of him or her without feeling like crap. Also when you no longer harbor any feelings for the person, good or bad. You may always love your ex, but dont let him or her consume your every thought. It takes more time than most are willing to wait, but make sure youre over the last one before you start dating someone new. Who wants a first date with you when you cant talk about anything but your ex? breaks your heart? If onenight stands arent your thing, start pursuing that boy whos caught your eye since freshman year. There are already feelings towards him to keep you from thinking about your ex and theres plenty to learn about him (that you havent already learned from stalking). Moral of the situation: the worst thing to do is sit around and mope about being single again. Then youll just tear yourself apart wondering what you did wrong. Get right back out there and find that guy who loves everything about you. Even that bout of pubic lice you got from your ex.

My MAN CANT MAKE ME ORGASM. WHAT SHOULD I DO? KRISTy, JUNIOR

Jessica: First, you need to understand that a guy does not GIVE an orgasm; hes merely a facilitator helping her achieve something she can and should be able to do on her own. Technique is one thing, but knowing what YOU need and like is another. Can you have orgasm on your own? If not, dont expect him to have the magical touch. I recommend finding out what you like and then explicitly telling him what will get you off. If he follows what you say perfectly and its still not working, perhaps the issue is more mental than physical, in which case you need to relax and talk it over with your guy. Maybe theres something going on beneath the surface that you two need to resolve. P.S. I hear the purple-andwhite-striped vibrators from Priscillas do the trick. Brian: What you ideally would do is go back in time and make women evolve to climax faster. Guys had no problem evolving so they can have orgasms as soon as you touch them; women should have done the same. Since that isnt possible, you have to either get a better man or learn to pleasure yourself. If none of these work, I suggest you give up on men and invest in a lifetime supply of vibrators and AA batteries. Editors Note: Orgasm is a noun, not a verb. So your man can never make you orgasm. What he can do is make you have an orgasm (or not.)

Play at The Granada

$250 Cash Prize

Email or submit demos to Rm 119 Stauffer-Flint by March 13 at 4pm Three bands will be chosen and featured in Jayplay and Kansan.com, as well as get an opportunity to play at The Granada and compete for a $250 Cash Prize.

at Jayplay Live on April 13 & win a

Brian: I dont agree with Jessica at all. How better to get over an ex than to hook up with a random hottie right after your boyfriend

IF YOU ARE DRUNK AND CHEAT ON YOUR PARTNER, DOES IT COUNT IF YOU DONT REMEMBER? MONA, FRESHMAN
nether regions you NEVER had sex with that foxylooking guy who took you home from Quintons. Just keep telling yourself that. (Yes, it counts) Just because you have no recollection of an event, doesnt mean it never happened.

Now accepting demos:

Brian: So you mean to tell me, if your boyfriend got drunk, blacked out and slept with your best friend, you wouldnt want to know about it, right? What happens when you find your best friend has a baby and your boyfriends actually the father? Dont be a moron. While what constitutes cheating can be debated, the fact that you cheated cannot. Jessica: No, because whatever you dont remember doesnt count, right? Even if you wind up 3 weeks late and have this burning sensation in your

Past winners include: Tri Point Paradox, Tanner Walle, Epiphany & Groovelight

For questions, contact Promotions at 864.4358 or email them to promotions@kansan.com

16 JAYPLAY 03.02.2006

Madeas Family Reunion

MOVIE
If a Lifetime Movie and a Comedy Central series mated, their offspring would look like Madeas Family Reunion. The movie goes from melodrama to slapstick and back again in seconds. The main story centers on the love lives of two sisters, Vanessa (Lisa Arrindell Anderson) and Lisa (Rochelle Aytes), and the sisters relationship with their controlling, self-interested mother, who either is the devil or is doing a very good impression. Cutting through the drama of their lives like a chainsaw through a couch is their aunt Madea, a brash and brassy matriarch who dispenses justice and aphorisms, armed with a belt and the back of her hand. Previously seen in Diary of a Mad Black Woman, Madea is the brainchild of actor Tyler Perry who wrote and directed this film. He plays three characters, including Madea herself. Considering this is a movie where one of the female leads is played by a man, Madeas Family Reunion is surprisingly earnest

in its sentimentality. Although it gets to be too much. During the course of the movie, Vanessa learns to trust again and Lisa learns to stand on her own two feet, and they both do so in dramatic Hollywood style. Madeas Family Reunion is sweet, sometimes funny, sometimes unbearably earnest and always predictable. South Wind 12 Rated: PG-13, 107 minutes

Some by Sea
MUSIC
Like a lot of other indie pop bands, Some By Sea has some good ideas. The band from Tacoma, Wash., has been building its fan base over the last few years by releasing two albums on its own label before joining The Pale Pacific and Neva Dinova at SideCho records. Unfortunately, like a lot of other indie pop bands, Some By Sea simply doesnt know how to execute its good ideas. The average length of a song is 5-6 minutes and nothing interesting happens the whole time. Most of the songs are full of excessive intertwining guitars and violins, sloppy drum playing and lyrics that ramble with no coherent end. These problems continue through the final song, in which the band commits the number one clich in rock music: a 10-minute last song. The album formula of mediocre songs ending with a 12-minute masterpiece is overused and boring. On Fire (Igloo!) employs some good ideas, but theyre sandwiched between several layers of dull throwaway parts. If you want indie pop that goes somewhere, get anything by Death Cab For

REVIEWS

On Fire (Igloo!)

Kit Fluker

Cutie or Matt Pond PA. They have good ideas and execution.

Chris Bower

SHeDaisy Fortunetellers Melody

MUSIC
In a grand kiss-off to the people that used to buy their records, Nashvilles rebel trio, The Dixie Chicks, finally waved goodbye to country music. We dont feel a part of [that] scene anymore, quips lead-singer Natalie Maines to a foreign magazine. Leave it to the absolute authority on such matters to cover the situation; Rolling Stone told the story as if Nashville was supposed to be upset. Lets pretend, for a moment, it wasnt sales that decided The Dixie Chicks werent country. Its goodbye for good, which brings us to SHeDAISY, the verifiable anti-Chicks. Fortunetellers Melody, their fourth album, looks set to fill the female-trio slot void on country radio since the Chicks departure. Melody continues in the same summery, pop-drenched country of SHeDAISYs previous work, only more solidly. Theres not a dud among these tracks. These hooks can satisfy country radio for a while. 23 Days,Kickin In and the lead single, Im Taking the Wheel, move along with brisk, breezy instrumentation, plenty of attitude and refreshing vocals (unlike Maines unpleasant nasal twang). Mid-tempo rockers Bring it On Back and Healing Side are intelligent, melodic reflections on real-people drama. And in God Bless the American Housewife, the ladies assert themselves with a perfect blend of wit and depth. As they run through a list of housewifelike chores, its in the line Look at me, Im sexy as the devil when I mow the lawn that they truly distinguish themselves as modern-day super women. Its powerfully and purposefully anti-feminist. In their recognition of reallife women, SHeDAISY does something the Chicks wouldnt dream of: empathize with their listeners. And for that, their album is loved and bought.

DVD

The Weather Man

too high for Dave to ever reach. Dave Spritz doesnt even have a degree in meteorology. He sees his life as having little substance much like the fast food being constantly chucked at him. Nothing in his life is consistent or stable, or even consistently unstable. Its only when he takes up the sport of archery that he can control something and count on accuracy. The weather is just wind. Its more of a technical art than it is a science. And so is life. Special features on the DVD include cast and crew interviews. Theres a feature about the importance of color palettes on movie sets (The Weather Mans palette was mostly beige to represent the monotony of Daves life.) And for anyone interested in weather, theres even a feature that teaches you how to be a meteorologist. The interviews are compelling and explain the symbolism

Nick Connell

Dave Spritz (Nicholas Cage) makes $240,000 a year to read a teleprompter for two hours everyday. Hes a Chicago meterologist with a bit of local celebrity. But, he is in reality far from the chipper Spritz people see on television. Poor rich boy, right? I mean he receives a huge paycheck for very little thought or effort. It seems he has it made. But then you begin to understand. He gets fast food thrown at him when hes walking on the streets. People resent his easy life and tend to hold him accountable for the dismal winter. His ex-wife, Noreen (Hope Davis), is remarrying. His 11-year-old daughter, Shelly (Gemmenne de la Pea), is overweight and depressed. His teenage son (Nicholas Hoult) is in rehab. And then theres his father, Robert (Michael Caine). Robert is a PulitzerPrize winning author and is considered a national treasure. He sets a standard

well. This movie isnt exactly uplifting. It represents the monotonous side of life and the reality that nothing can be predicted. But it does so in a sarcastic way, mostly thanks to Caines wit and bluntness. Youll laugh at the often pathetic characters, and youll relate to at least one of them. At least, thats what I forecast.

Ashley Thompson

Youll wish you were dead You'll want to leave the theater early You'll say "eh" You'll rave to everyone who asks Youll have a religious experience

03.02.2006 JAYPLAY 17

REVIEWS

The Wasp Factory by Iain Banks

BOOK
If someone tells me a book is totally sick, I have to go investigate. Usually Im disappointed. Im hard to shock but this novel held no such disappointment. It is truly one of the most disturbing, yet perversely enjoyable, novels Ive ever read. The only thing I can compare it to is Chuck Palahniuks (Fight Club, Choke) darker stuff. But Palahniuk after a three-day speed binge couldnt even come up with this. So what is it? The novel is renowned in the underground circles of cult Brit lit (more specifically, Scottish lit), and was named one of the Top 100 Novels of the Century by The Independent. In Kansas, youd be hard-pressed to find anyone who has heard of it. After having the book recommended to me by a British citizen, I hunted through four bookstores. It was worth the frustration. The novels narrator is teenager Frank Cauldhame, who lives with his widower father in a small Scottish town. Frank is basically a sociopath. Much of the novel is devoted to flashbacks, in which Frank, before turning 10, murders three children. Two were his cousins, and the third was his brother. Yeah, hes one sick mother. The second storyline involves the escape of Franks other brother, Eric, from a mental hospital. Frank is merely evil, but Eric is evil and bombastic, with a penchant for pyromania. As the novel progresses, Eric increasingly gets closer to the familys home and the climax forces Frank and his father to confront him. The novels imagery is graphic and stark (beware, it gets rough), but the true testament to the novels perversity is that we like Frank. Hes funny, intelligent and perfectly reasonable, apart from being insane. Its this empathy we have for him that truly sets the novel Publisher: Scribner Price: $13.00 Available in paperback

GAME

FULL AUTO

apart from other horror (yeah, horror) novels. And the ending is a drop-kick to the gut, without being an annoying cop-out. As to the literal, prophetic Wasp Factory, words cannot do it justice. Its best to read the novel and absorb it yourself. If you can find the damn book, youre in for one demented joyride.

Full Autos instruction manual does a good job of explaining what the game isnt: Welcome to the most destructive racing game ever created. Full Auto is designed to give you everything you want in a racer: stunning graphics, intense speed, massive destruction, sleek, customized vehicles, innovative features and tough competition. Yeah, everything except for realistic handling, a back story, mission variety, a reason to use the games unwreck feature, a consistent framerate or any sort of incentive for me to play for more than 10 minutes. No big deal, though. If Full Auto was limited to the twenty-one customized metal machines (muscle cars, exotics, SUVs, tuners, classics and more) racing through three destructible environments packed with high-speed action, the game would rock pretty hard. No way! Twenty-one cars and a whopping three environments?! That rocks like a deaf guy at a Yanni concert. But it rocks harder than that. Way harder. No, it doesnt. Spend your $60 on drinks at the Hawk. At least that will provide you with more than 10 minutes of fun. System: X-Box

Kelsey Hayes

Andrew Campbell

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18 JAYPLAY 03.02.2006

Busting out
How one woman came to terms with her breasts
by Carrie Hillard

SPEAK

GREG GRIESENAUER

They started appearing out of nowhere, two small hills of womanhood. I remember thinking, This isnt so bad. But they didnt stop there. They kept growing and growing until my breasts became two C-cup mountains on my chest. While other 10- and 12-year-old girls were running around braless and carefree, the thought of breasts far from their minds, the mere thought of running brought images of heaping mounds bouncing carelessly against my chest. I was positive my friends would notice. I even started to worry that any sudden movement would cause one of my breasts to fly out of my bra. I was unprepared for dealing with the size of my bust because my mother was not large-chested. I do remember visiting my grandmother, who would gently press my head to her breasts when we hugged, as if to protect me from the cruel world. They were like two soft pillows providing comfort and love. My parents never forget to remind me to

Thank Grandma for my assets. Boobs must skip a generation. One reason I noticed my breasts more was because of the attention they received from hormonal boys. The boys started having an exceedingly hard time looking at my face when I was talking; their eyes would dart downward as if my breasts were putting on a show. My nave self just thought they were being shy. The girls usually werent harsh, though a few thought it was funny to snap my bra straps. I prayed for the day they wore real bras and I could get them back. The drifting of the boys eyes and the snapping of the bra straps did not bother me as much as the nicknames and jokes. The boys didnt seem to realize, or care, how much it embarrassed me. The nickname I remember the most came from a boy I barely knew who gave my breasts the nickname EEK. Much later I learned this acronym meant Enormously Enlarged Knockers. Eventually survival instincts kicked in and I learned to ignore or play down the jabs.

I was not used to the attention my chest was bringing, nor did I care for it. My breasts started getting compared to everything from innocent fruits to guns to flotation devices. I cant count how many times I was told how huge my jugs, headlights, hooters, ta-tas or knockers were. Even my family could not refrain from chiming in. My freshman year of high school, when I was stressed about finding a job, my dad jokingly told me I could probably get one at Hooters if I really wanted to make some money, though mom quickly shot that idea down. These hills on my chest were becoming a huge burden, and it didnt take long for me to become extremely self-conscious about them. I didnt date a lot in high school because I was afraid guys only wanted to date my chest. I thought no one could possibly want to date me because of my personality or sense of humor. I started concealing my breasts with large sweatshirts, jackets and layered clothing. I even remember trying to wear some

of my dads shirts, pretending it was for warmth and keeping my true reasons to myself. I never considered wearing something that accentuated my breasts. This soon changed, however, as more girls my age developed breasts, some even bigger than mine. Because I had developed so early, it took me a while to understand why some girls wanted to show off their new assets. I still dont understand the desire of women like Pamela Anderson to stick foreign objects into their bodies to achieve a larger breast size. It took me a while to get over my childhood breast-trauma. Once I did, I learned to be happy with what God gave me. Over time, I learned to avoid the men who stared at my chest rather than my eyes. I can now smile and say thank you when Im complimented on my cleavage. Im no longer self-conscious of my breasts; they are a part of me. Theyre now my favorite asset, and without them I wouldnt be the person I am today. Thanks, Grandma.

03.02.2006 JAYPLAY 19

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