Session 1: HomecomingRealizing Our True Nature

Trust the power of Heart and Awareness to awaken through all circumstances (heart=compassion, awareness= clear seeing) = loving presence Aliveness in the present. Mindfulness=presence attention, arouses compassion and empathy, brings tolerance to our personal states. Mindfulness allows us to relax in the opened spacious presence and help us to guide our clients in the same states. Our own practice is very important. Our capacity to share it comes from our own experience. There is a transmission - confidence and trust in the process that gets communicated. Power of intention very important in Buddhist psychology "everything rests on the tip of ones motivation" "the most important thing is remembering the most important thing" What really matters? We suffer because we identify as a separate self. With incarnation we got form. There is some sense of the correlates with moi inside and the world outside. The primordial mood of separate self is fear. Some perception that there is something missing or something wrong. The reflex is to hold onto whats pleasant and to push away what's unpleasant. Collective trance is that the separate self is endangered. Perception of an endangered self. Primal mood of fear gives rise to EGO - "space suit self" to protect ourselves. Fundamental mistrust at the core (not belonging = mistrust; trust=belonging). We are designed to be vigilant (cf the monkeys!) we looking for problems, try figure out things, etc. The nervous sys is designed to find what goes wrong (fight flight). We are velcro for pain and teflon for pleasure! Once we have some sense of failure conditioning is hard to remove that. Full blown suffering = unhealthy proliferation of fight-flight-freeze and there is a looping of fear thought triggering the feelings, the fear, triggering the feeling and our all sense of identity becomes hitch in that looping - who we are is one with that endangered, not good enough self = emotional suffering. We get locked into a trance where we believing who we are is separate and not okay. We are disconnected from our truth, our wholeness and openness of love. We loose contact with wholeness. Sort of development arrest. In fight flight we can not feel love as we are in this endangerment.

We forget our wildness (the wildness of god) as we are so busy covering the great mystery we came with. Our culture sends different messages of standards as success, belonging, etc. The degree of bonding in our family will determine how much trust there is. Enough bonding (seen and understood) that it help to sooth the sense of separation , not enough = more play in sense of separation and not okay. Identity of insufficiency. The most pervasive suffering is mistrust toward ourselves, failure, etc. The sense of unworthiness is influencing all our moments. There is a sense of possibilities to be able to live from our wholeness, in open love and every day we get caught in our conditioning (from a smaller place). Then despair in front of the conditioning. This is the principle of Buddhist psychology - the core of our suffering. Home sickness. Suffering of not being at home, with these bodies, with these hearts, with each others. We then leave this moment, leave the present moment and then the less we are able to touch what we really cherish. Image of the Buddha statue in Cutaclan, Thailand. Statue in clay, not the most beautiful but have been there for a long time. Dry season, the statue cracks and a monk shined light inside , he found gold - the largest gold Buddha statue. Has been covered by clay to protect it, to survive. We do the same with ourself, we cover to make it but the problem is that we take the cover for who we are and forget the gold. We identify with the mask. Basic goodness - as to do with belonging. Fitting into the whole. This is what heals. There is something essentially good here, when there is a sense of trust of what is there. What essential to mindfulness: Non judging awareness that recognize what's happening in the moment and allows it (can be the breath or not) - paying attention on purpose -recognizing the moment (non conceptual awareness, not lost in thoughts) - allowing it 2 questions in the practice of mindfulness: - what's happening right now? - can I let it be? can I be with this?

R.A.I.N
Recognize Allow What's happening when we pay attention moment to moment :it activates the left pre frontal cortex (positive emotions) and deactivates the amygdale (related with fears). Meditation helps to strengthen the parasympathetic system (relaxation versus to sympathetic sys related to fight or flight response ). When writing in journal, speaking your feelings, etc. - it calms the limbic sys and strengthen the frontal cortex, just like noting our feelings. When there is a high-en awareness there is a dis-identification with what's happening. Awareness ceases to identify with mental content when we are mindful. The I is no longer afraid - but fear is here. That's a big difference!

Session 2: The R.A.I.N. Practice

We are always lost in thoughts. Training metaphor: The wheel of awareness: there is a hub (center of the wheel, propeller) which is presence, being right here and there are spokes (One of the rods or braces connecting the hub and rim of a wheel) going in all directions which are thoughts striking out to the ram and going around and around in a virtual reality. The practice is 1. to come back, remembering presence 2. be here, stay The challenge of being lost is that we need help to remember to come back. We use for that an anchor (can be the breath, sounds, images, mantra, body sensations, etc.), home base. Select one anchor and focus attention on this object/anchor. Teaching others: "just relax"! It's hard!!! In n we have the default network - as soon as we are not busy, this part of the brain will be activate to give us a sense of self by linking the past and future together, to keep us oriented. Our mind is designed to be busy, not mindful. If the mind wanders during med. just come back, start fresh (not making it wrong). Once we are in the hub and something strong comes up and we say just stay with

it, that goes also again our conditioning. Our limbic system signals us to resist and avoid any discomfort. We need mental purposefulness in the neo cortex to teach the limbic system that resisting emotional pain is counter productive (it takes time though). Training the mind to stay with our pain instead of the flee response. Wise attitudes: RELAXED, FRIENDLY AND INTERESTED. Inviting the Guests: The R.A.I.N. Practice Recognizing and allowing - that already creates space. Inviting the gueststhe process of bringing these difficult moments into our awareness. Can you be like the Buddha, who instead of running away from Mara, the embodiment of temptation and distraction, would instead invite him to tea? There is in this poem an attitude of inviting what's here (the guest). RAIN is the most useful tool in inviting the guest. Sometimes R&A is enough. Sometimes not, need to Investigate = what is happening (beliefs, sensations and emotions) I is also Intimacy. When it 's really tangled it does not work to investigate unless there is an atmosphere of gentleness and compassion. Intimate quality of attention, loving presence. That there is a dis-identification. Presence realizes identification = N (not identified, natural awareness). N no longer identified or N as natural wholeness. Sense with your client what will support them the best. Recognizing what's happening Allowing - bowing to what is happening Investigating - being intimate with it Natural awareness, freedom. Mara is the Buddha shadow (pride, greed, attachment, fear, etc. ). In his awakening experience, the Buddha was able to awaken in front of the arrows and the knives Just say YES (to what you want to say no) and bow. Keep on noticing and saying yes. Saying Yes - stopping the resistance to what is and letting what is unfold (what you resist persists).

"Peace is this moment without judgement, this moment in the heart space where everything that is is welcomed." Darty Hant

Session 3: Awakening from the Trance

Resume Suffering is forgetting who we are - identify with separation and with a story of separated self. Our freedom comes as we refine our attention to the Golden Buddha that we are loving presence (awareness and heart) waking up from the trance of separation and rest into loving presence, sense of oneness and belonging. Mindfulness is given the central role to allow us to wake up. Paying attention on purpose w/o judgments to our moment to moment exp. Our "natural" response is to not accept and judge what is. Being with what is here w/p adding reaction as need to fix something, change something. Difficult to be w/exp. than we need an anchor to help remember to come back and create a more stable attention. Non conceptual: we quickly get lost in thoughts. Challenging to be in non conceptual exp. We always think, explain what is, etc...

The only way to experience something is only in this moment, not in thoughts. We need to re-experience the wounds to detangle the memory. The truth about our childhood is in our body, we can repress it but never alter it. Until we live the unlived life it will make itself known and keep us from a sense of wholeness and belonging. The hands are an easy way to get in contact with the body. Choosing a safe or neutral anchor to enter the body. Softening Hands as smiling shifts our bio chemistry to parasympathetic (safe to relax the flight, fight and freeze response). Primal sense of something wrong. If we don't have a sense of belonging in our family of origin that sense gets exacerbated and get fixed to moi.

Standards on how to look, to succeed, to have equanimity, etc. We are always comparing our self to others or how we think we should be. The trance of unworthiness is in that difference on how I am and how I should be. Implanted by family and culture. The most basic need of any child coming in this world is to be seen as he is. The most basic wound is the wound of unlove. We need a sense of belonging. If not seen and not cared for = fracture. (story of the little girl who get her hair cut) Not good enough mothering or deep abuse - there is wound of love and comes then the mistrust of who I am. To compensate we take false refuges: busyness, striving quality ; substances ; sleep ("poor man nirvana") ; distracting ourselves (media, phone, computer, etc) ; trying to get it right, no mistake ; striving in spiritual life (to become better)/ Judgment is our biggest fault refuge, we blame ourselves then we try to do something to relieve and then we blame ourselves for false refuges. Primary (something is wrong with me for who I am) and secondary (we have shame about our false refuge, about what we do about our unworthiness). Acceptance of our inner experience. With acceptance there is a sense that it will be okay. Carl Rogers: it was when I accepted myself as I am that I was free to change. Blaming ourselves prevents helplessness. However if we keep going it becomes a dev. arrest unless we can see it's going on and find a way to compassion. Healing= recognizing the second arrow (...) Nisargadata: all you need is already within. Make love of yourself perfect. Deny yourself nothing. Give yourself infinity and eternity and discover that you don't need them, you are beyond. The false refuges are our best effort to Attention is the most perfect love. Love your Self = the aliveness of your self, this living experience. Deep attention to the life that's here is the attention. Perfect means unconditional, not push your own being out of your heart. "What part of you wants attention ?" Encourage the person to let the feelings be full.

"How long did you have those feelings" Grief can come up here. "I lost me life to this (ex. failure). Bring love to that place within. "I am sorry and I love you" for ex. The quality of presence loosen the identification - abiding in the presence instead of being in the story. The touch of hand on the heart activates the parasympathetic and dis-activates the lymbic sys.

Session 4: Holding Your Life with Compassion

"MAKE LOVE OF YOURSELF PERFECT" ALCHEMY OF SELF-COMPASSION: we bring RAIN in the tangles, ouch places. There is then a compassion, kindness that arises When we get in touch with the purity of the suffering, when it hurts, in this moment there is kindness and we can also bring a word of care. There is vulnerability, a sense we are touching our wounds. For many people offering kindness to themselves is very foreign - usually relationship with themselves is unloving. We can introduce this to people by inviting them to put their hand on their heart in a non-reacting moment, in a neutral moment when they are not facing suffering. Invite to notice what is like, just for a few moments, to touch their heart. The possibility of regarding this life with the quality of care and presence. For some people it's like a home coming, possible to care, for others it is still difficult. Then we need a STEPPING STONE: someone that regards them with love and care, a relative, a know person or unknown directly, someone they trust. Can be a spiritual figure like Qwan Yin, Tara, the Buddha, Jesus Christ. Put their hand on their heart and invite them to imagine and sense that person is looking on them with care and understanding. We have to find the pathways in. The first ones are to recognize and allow. Then to investigate with an intimate quality of attention and then can include looking thru

the eyes of others to receive care and love. example of Depa Ma who would put her hand on somebody's shoulder struggling and would say " it's OK". Tara would imagine that hand and the whisper. She realized thru the retreat that it is her loving care - it taped her into her lovingkindness by imagining Depa Ma. When there is kindness, there is a dissolving of identification with the small self. We become the care presence, not anymore cote in the waves of suffering. MAKE LOVE OF THIS SELF, THIS LIFE, PERFECT, IN THIS MOMENT. When guiding a meditation, communicate that there is not a particular way thing have to happen (people will experience different things) make it all okay. Example of RAIN meditation: Take a few long deep breath - long slow deep Breathe in relax Breath out letting go Situation where one feel stuck and down on themselves - may be relationship where reacting w/insecurity, hurt; addictive behavior, work (intimidate, disengage, falling short); health State of being stuck, etc. Just notice what's happening : muscle on the face, behaviors, on a global way sensing how it is; what you wanting; what you fearing. = recognize and allow the situation as it is, Rand A your exp as it is - giving space to what is as it is. Giving the gift of a pause. Investigate: What want your attention right now? What the worst of this? What's most upsetting? Is there fear? hurt? shame? Stay in touch with the body sensing the worst, what are the believes? What the situation tells you about your life = again self believes exploration.[the believes are the story]. If strong belief, how is it to believe this in your body, how does it feel in your body -how the belief is sensed in the body? Let the belief expresses as much as it wants to express. How long has it been here? How does it shape your life? What did it take away? Feel the most vulnerable part of you and inquire how this wants me to be with? What does it need the most? Put your hand on your heart - caring touch (send the message I love you or call someone's love and communicate it through your presence, your touch). And continue to recognize what's unfolding in you. "Don't turn away, keep your gaze on the bandage place. That's where the light enters you" Rumi Notice the presence right here, caring and awake. The gift of this attentiveness - RAIN is a home coming. Your true home is the

presence (rather than any self stories). What does it mean for you to make love of your self perfect? Self compassion is about relating with kindness where there is pain. The most difficult place is when someone feels like they cause pain to others or themselves. Then it's about forgiveness. For most people, that is unforgettable. Then the inquiry is into what is so unforgettable How to work with clients who need to forgive themselves? Destructive behaviors - then shame about it - then the shame infuse the same behavior = looping. Noticing the shame, noticing the fear, noticing all without judgment. = recognizing and allowing. "it's not my fault" (for the false refuges) - self forgiveness removes shame. A gift we can offer, as clinician: if we are not judging, truly not judging (bad personhood) not saying it's your fault and blame the person - (we can say you can change to be more happy, it's different). If we don't have that personal judging, that atmosphere of respect and care will loose their tightness and will open a space to work with their primary issue, the primary wound that the person is experiencing.

Session 5: The Power of Thoughts and Beliefs

Investigating Our Thoughts and Beliefs: If we suffer, we are believing something limiting about ourselves or the world. Gandhi: "Your believes become our thoughts; our thoughts become your words; your words become your actions; your actions become your habits; your habits become your character; your character become your destiny". Chain of dependent origination. Thoughts associated with an endangered self will create feelings, feelings create behaviors , behavior create situation that keep us identified with the separate self. Feel that believe in the body, where it lives and it influences us/client. We don't have to believe our thought, we can look at them, they just happening.

What are they? sounds, images, stories, etc. Some are wholesome, some are discriminating, a lot of them a a sort of cocoon we create within, they make the world smaller than what it is. Three Levels of Working with Thoughts: The training is to recognize the trance we are in and awake up from a virtual reality. 1- Awareness of thoughts: are they wholesome, healthy or not. That gives some space and that space there is some freedom to choose. The Buddha says "whatever the practitioner frequently thinks and ponders upon will become the inclination of their mind" . Are we making healthy pathways with our mind? By inclining the mind toward wholesome state we can change our neuro-pattern. 2- Mindfulness of thinking : having an anchor, noticing thoughts and coming back to the anchor. Noticing difference between the virtual reality of thoughts and the hereness, presence. 3- Investigation of beliefs: our core belief influences our reality. Illusion exists until beliefs are investigated - until we look closely, we are driven by assumptions. This inquiry is similar to Byron Katies work. identify the belief is it true? what is like to believe that belief? how does the belief affect your life? what your life be like if youd not believe that? who would you be? Questioning the belief open space for other reality and offers a pause. Every moment can unfold in every possibility that exist, except when we are limited by our beliefs. Investigate the fear: Trauma work When one have profoundly painful core belief and they cycle into deep core trauma, how to work with that? More than 50% had trauma in their life. Not all trauma turns into post trauma stress disorder (PTSD), into the body-mind looping. PTSD when the strong energies of the trauma have not been released or discharged. Are those energies processed or not? Animals shake their trauma out and dont develop PTSD. We dont have healthy way to shake it out, instead our mind keeps on anticipating more of the same, and keep replaying the same trauma and therefore we keep the flight-flee chemicals in

our system. Then we try the relieve ourselves by taking false refuges, by dissociating. It works for a while then we are possessed again and so forth. The false refuges and the cover up behaviors of the trauma is what as clinician we see. Trauma= cut off of the resources of the present moment. When we are cut off and are in the loop of fear, we live in the past time. The call of healing is to contact the unprocessed energy and come back to present time. However, the person can not just go back to the trauma and feel it (usually people are really dissociated from their body and also it is frightening to go back to those energy, it is not safe). The alchemy of healing is to contact the unlived life but with an added resource. The added resource is a safe refuge, a container resource that allows for more tolerance. Then one can investigate the fear and feel safe. ex. the story of the good fairy who helped the little girl to get by, to forget the trauma for a while. People who are locked in a trauma need a safe refuge, the first one is usually the therapist. Then with the therapist they can learn new resources as to breath slowly and consciously, as metta meditation, etc. Different tools to practice while calm and to pull out when locked in fear, when needed. Trauma is disconnecting, a state where we are cut off. To work with it we need a sense of connectedness, for ex. touch heart, tapping, pets, walking in nature, etc. Anything that create a bridge for connecting. An easy way is to find out what already works for the client. Where and how do they feel loved, safe, trust? Investigate until you find something to anchor their safety. Is it with their pet, in nature, connecting with divine love, divine Mother, Jesus? That becomes then the pathway to refuge and we build on it with words, kinesthetic sensations, images, etc. And then we practice evoking that refuge. With trauma RAIN is premature, we need to build the trust and safety first, we need to establish the refuge. When we have that, we can only go step by step into the trauma and the fears. Go for a little while then come back to the refuge, then go back again. It is not what happened thats important its how we relate to what happened. From Radical acceptance: Guided meditation - meeting fear with an opened heart and engaged presence: It is useful to practice this meditation when not experiencing feelings and sensations linked to trauma as this practice of being with fear may lead to to an emotional flooding and be inappropriate. Sit comfortably and gaze with eyes open a focus point right in front of you

Relax the flesh around eyes, relax shoulders, hands and belly With a receptive awareness begin noticing the arising and disappearing of sounds around you. Listen. Listen to sounds and spaces in between. Notice how everything you perceive arises and passes away with boundless awareness. Continue with eyes closed or open as you wish. Let your attention rest softly on the out-breath, letting go into space with each exhale. Follow each breath as it dissolves outward into open space. Feel that your entire body and mind could follow the out-breath and dissolve into space. Sense that your awareness is mingling with endless space, absolutely open, boundless. As the breath comes in, simply rest in openness, listening and awake, doing nothing. Rest in receptive, spacious awareness. Exhaling, relax into openness. Now invoke a situation evoking fear what is the worst part of this situation?; What am I really afraid of? (this inquiry may lead to a story. By staying alert to the sensations that arise in the body, the story becomes a gateway to accessing the feelings more fully). Paying particular attention to the throat, chest and stomach area, discover how fear expresses itself in you. Let the breath touching the place of most pain and vulnerability. Bring your full attention to the sensations of fear. As you breathe out, sense the openness of space that hold your experience. How does the fear actually feels like? Where in your body do you feel it more strongly? Do the sensations change or move to different parts of your body? What is their shape? What is their color? How do you feel fear in your mind? Contraction? Mind racing or confused? With each in breath feel your willingness to gently connect with the waves of life that are unpleasant and disturbing. Breathing out let go and feel how the waves belong to a bigger world, an ocean of openness. You can surrender your fear into this vast and tender space of healing. If you feel numb or defended, focus on your physical sensations and contact them full with the in-breath.. If you feel as the fear is too much, emphasize breathing out, letting go into openness and safety. With time, you will discover an artful balancing of touching fear and remembering openness. You can practice being with fear as it arises anytime during the day. Using your breath, allow yourself to touch the sensations of fear, and exhaling, let go into openness.

Session 6: True refuge in the face of fear

Prayer: the longing to belong Prayer is the bridge between longing and belonging. Prayer is an expression of the longing to connect. In Buddhist mythology, the Buddha spent a full night dealing with Mara before he awakened. The final judgement of Mara, in the morning, was who do you think you are? , expressing the doubt (self doubt) , not trusting who we are and our belonging to the world. The Buddha touched the ground and called the Earth Goddess. He was free when he realized the truth of his belonging. Realizing our belonging = basic trust = what gives us trust in ourselves and in life. The pathway may be praying or simply cultivating the connection. This creates a container to be okay with the moment to moment experiences.

Metta: Soften, Awaken, and Open the Heart Metta is about sensing the goodness and care. The metta practice softens and awakens the heart. It needs to be customized to each client. If the client is not able to investigate with intimacy (RAIN), we need to guide him/her into softening more. Psychotherapy is spiritual re-parenting = learning to offer to ourselves the love we did not receive. In front of fear (separation) there is a natural willingness to come back to love (connection). How to acknowledge it/ recognize it? This energy is the willingness to come home. Buddhist psychology insists on cultivating wholesome sates as gratitude, love, compassion, patience. Metta practice, just like mindfulness practice, lights up the part of the brain that

correlates with positive emotions and dis-activates the limbic system with the fight and flight response. It is important to develop a skillfulness between being with whats going on (fear) and with the metta practice. Maureen Fallon-Cyr speaks about True Nature : the energy that runs through us all the time, that energy that is always taking care of us (a scratch, my hand goes up to scratch it before I can think of it, a physical discomfort, I change my position, dry lips, I leak my lips, etc.) That E can be called the friend or the beloved. Or we need it (call on it) or where are it - this is God. That E is before the mind, its unfolding all the time. It is before the mind. Sometimes the mind wants to take the credit for it but it actually exists independently from the mind. That true nature is basic goodness (God) taking care of us all the time, it is actually the true me. Metta practice in depth Many people say that they dont find their basic goodness - they are in the trance of unworthiness. Its okay, we can ask them what is the message that you could offer to yourself to start healing? Something that would be willing. We help the client to find out what they need and what they need to hear. Before practicing the repetition of the phrases, center yourself and connect with the heart. The traditional practice consists in repeating the phrases to ourself to a benefactor (somebody who did something good to us) to a loved one to a neutral person to a difficult person/enemy. This can of course be changed and adapted to ones needs. Its useful to add to the phrases a visual construct, an image that evokes love like a smile, a space, a situation, etc. The brain changes a lot while using imagery a kinesthesic sensations: adding senses and feelings If someone has difficulty to do the practice for themselves we can suggest they start with their child, which will open their heart, then go to themselves. Metta practice involves a kind of offering. We offer the wish to be happy, we give the wish out and we practice receiving the wish. Metta offers a sense of connection. The more we offer it to ourselves and to others, the more we enlarge the circle and remove separation.

For many people Metta practice creates aversion. It can highlight in some people how much they hate themselves and how much they dont diserve metta. We can then offer a pause RA : acknowledge and allow inviting the person to sense his intention toward Metta, there is always something that matters for the person, put attention on that. Some people complains that its too mechanical. Its okay to be mechanical as long as there is a sincere intention. Its useful to guide a person in a relaxed body before starting the metta practice. It opens the field. With a smile for example as it evokes love and kindness. It has an internal effect. Even smile in each chakra, full smile down. It creates a physiological receptivity to the emotion of the heart.

Session Seven: The Process of Forgiving

The unreal other
The trance that keeps us in reactivity is a trance of self-others = narrow identification. The more we are identified with a narrow, limited self, the more what we see out there is another space suit, another limited self. Rather than living from a sense of wholeness and realizing connectedness, we are in the dance between wants and fears. The Unreal Other : when we get caught in reactivity, we dont see the other as he truly is. The more there is fear and desire the less we see the person - the star is Moi - others are objects of our wants or fears (is she/he going to reject me?). If there is not wanting and not fearing, than the person is not interesting! Want and fear are linked. When we want something from another person, we have attachment and expectations. However our expectations are often not satisfied and we become resentful. That often happens with people very close. We then develop resentment toward that person and we blame her/him - the other become bad when we dont look at ourself, at our own wound. The other also becomes unreal when he/she does not agree with us - many of us walk around with the need of being right. The disagreement sometimes can get to a sense of betrayal, a deep mistrust. Forgiveness is a important step toward wholeness. However when we are hurt, forgiveness does not happen. We need to protect ourselves from being hurt again

or from feeling the hurt. It is natural. Forgiveness may be unhealthy, its like a betray to ourselves to forgive.

Letting go of stories When we are angry or resentful at someone, the questions to ask: what would you have to feel if you could not stay in the story of anger or resentment? What story would you have to contact? What would you be in touch with if you let go of your story about that person? Underneath our story about another person, there is something we do not want to hang out with. Our anger protects us! Underneath may is a sense of being powerless, unlovable, fear, etc. A rawness that is difficult to stay with. There is a reason why people do not want/cannot forgive. There is a real pain, a hurt underneath that needs to be look at. Forgiveness is not about condemning ourselves. Forgiveness is not to be forced, if there is a deep hurt in the heart, that needs to addressed. Forgiveness is a life process - a process between tensing (armoring) and letting go, tensing again and letting go again. The intention to forgive is crucial, it opens the door of the heart and from there something can unfold. The motivation to forgive: it can be more easy and more pleasureful to be angry than to forgive. However, the motivation to forgive is born of our desire to be connected to others, our desire to live from love, our desire to come home. Our failure to joy is a direct reflexion of our inability to forgive The motivation to forgive is our freedom. Rather than living in old stories, we choose to live in the spontaneity and freshness of the now.

The alchemy of forgiveness Forgiveness is not a sudden thing, its usually gradual. Forgiveness of others happens after we forgive ourselves, after we bring compassion to our own wounds and hurts.

Therefore we better look first at the place within that hurts, before even thinking to forgive the other.

The perceived pitfalls of forgiving Holding on to the story that the other is wrong simply blocks our process of healing. Even though it is a natural response to protect ourselves, it keeps us away from looking within and attempting to heal ourselves. Anyone who causes suffering is suffering. The abusers have ben abused. People who causes suffering are not happy. Our conditioning is to lock into the unreal other. Our capacity is to love and forgive. Its a commitment not to push anyone out of our heart.

Forgiveness practice/meditation Asking for forgiveness: Bring to mind where you have cause injury to another person - may be current situation. Allows yourself to look closely at what happened and sense the other person feelings. Stay connected to your own heart to perceive how it has been for the other person. Mentally whisper the person name I see and feel the hurt I have caused you and I ask you your forgiveness now. Please forgive me Sense in your heart what it is to receive her forgiveness, what is it like to be forgiven? Sense the possibility of forgiving yourself. Sense what is behind your behavior. Sense the humanness. I see and feel the harm that I have caused and I forgive myself now. Forgiven. Forgiven. Quality of kind understanding. If it is difficult, bring someone that is wise and cares about you and sense through their voice the message of forgiveness. Forgiven. Forgiven. Bring to mind where you have been injured by another person. Explore the possibility of forgiving. May be the same situation or another one. Bring the particular to mind. The closing of your heart, anger, betrayal, neglect, abuse, misunderstanding, rejection, whatever has been. As you let yourself remember, notice what is in your body. Let the feelings

be as full as they want to be. As you pay attention, begin to offer a kind presence to the places that hurts. Breathe. Touch your heart. Feel that your loving presence is attending to the places that hurts. Feel your own care to your own being. As you feel ready, begin to include in your attentional field, the other person. Look with the eyes of kindness and wisdom at the other, and feel whats behind the other persons behavior (needs, wants, hurts, etc.) the humanness thats there. What is true for the other? The other vulnerability. Send the message of forgiveness: I see and feel the pain that you have caused me, and I forgive you now, its my intention to forgive you. Letting go of any ideas of other and past, check yourself right now, whatever is going on right now in your body, mind, heart and accept is as it is - its really okay.

Seeing who is there In the trance of the unreal other, there is a sense of separation - the other is one of them. Whenever we suffer, whenever we are afraid of intimacy, we have created an unreal other. Love = full accepting attention. Compassion practice - when we offer our full attention, the person becomes one of us. The training consists in being able to see through the eyes of the other. It takes a purposefulness. The practice is to slow down enough to check whats happening for another person - what does this person really need? - it shifts from one of them to one of us.

Session Eight: The Gifts of Natural Presence

Our unconditional presence reveals the true nature of reality. WHAT IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW? CAN I LET THIS BE? The promise of mindfulness While lost in the trance of a separate self, the invitation for awakening is be who you are and who we are is already here. It's then all about coming home (rather than changing ourselves, polishing ourselves). The simplicity of this path of awakening can be brought to the psychotherapy. The practices that help us to go back to who we are and to deepen our attention are about mindfulness (purposeful attention without judgements to our moment to moment experiences). Noting our experiences or thoughts is helpful on the path of mindfulness. It calls on the frontal lobe which creates more space, more ability to relate to experiences (versus from identification). Having a sense of embodiment (body scan, guided relaxation, etc.) is another help. Tara would ask people to come 10 minutes early to the session and to meditate. That helps people to come into presence, versus mind. Any anchor/ focus attention: breath, hands, feel the bodily sensations, sounds, mantra, etc. Learning to stay here and now and feel what is happening. Mindfulness training is hard as the mind always takes us away from present experiences. It's like gravity is pulling us away from mindful presence, pulling us back into the trance. With practice we can invert it leave and come back, returning. Waking up is becoming the response we place instead of the trance. All those practices are skillful means ways to direct our attention, it takes efforts and there is always somebody in control. In contrast the Buddha talks about choice-less awareness simply being presence itself (not controlling, if there is an intention it is simply to let it be).

With clients, it is important to be fresh with every clients to find out what technique is best for each one, according to their tendency.

Guidelines for teaching mindfulness Our entire life is our practice and our teacher nothing is exempt! Formal practice is very important commitment. Practice = coming to stillness with intention of being here for experiences. Without anxiety about imperfection. Pausing through daily life as often as possible we spent our time rushing and going to the next thing let's pause, come back to our breath and body. Letting the body being an anchor through the day. Do one thing at the time Metta=friendliness with our inner life and with each others. This quality of friendliness carries us through the difficult times in our life. How hard to try? Not too hard! Letting go! Apply wise efforts and keep our intention in mind : intention to wake up. Integration of different pieces to support deep healing and transformation. Aspiration : what is it that matters to you? This question brings us in touch with our deep awareness and awakeness. What we deeply want or long for is what we are this is the same. We long to realize our own loving presence which is what we are. It's important to invite people to be in touch with what's important for them. Turn toward what you deeply love, that will save you. The aspiration gets strong when we are suffering and when we sense the possibility of loving w/o holding back and of being ourselves w/o trying to be somebody else.

The way of the Boddhisattva: May Whatever arrives in my life serve the awakening of compassion and wisdom. What is it about that that's difficult? What are you afraid of, what causes pain? May this serve the awakening of my heart and mind, compassion and wisdom. How am I to serve awakening? How am I to serve awakened heart, deeper

freedom?

Session 9: Opening to the 10,000 Joys and Sorrows

The Necessity of Grieving:

How this suffering can serve my awakening We have to start where we are and recognize the degree of suffering. Touching the bottom can connect us with a certain kind of strength, courage, resourcefulness, etc. that really can connect us with certain part of our being that we have not touch yet. When things are down there is always a gift holding that vision for the client creates a space for hope. However it would be disrespectful to say to someone this suffering will serve you in the long run. The 10 000 joys and 10 000 sorrows Facing death or like death event anything very difficult. The spiritual path is to let go in grieving accepting grieving creates an opening for something else. In psychotherapy we are helping people to go into the process of change and loss (getting old, etc.) The inquiry is how do we open to that. Grieving is the beginning of healing. However we are conditioned not to go there and instead to go to all kind of false refuges. Grief = accepting the truth of lost. We don't want to accept that and fight reality. For that we develop strategies and those strategies are also source of suffering. Inquiry : how do we get more real with what 's happening? Under all suffering is the fear of lost (loosing the self and what the self values). One of the main way this comes up is through illness and sickness. The chain of dependent origination : there is physical unpleasantness that gives rise to thought (this will never go away, etc.). The practice of RAIN is to begin to notice that unpleasantness and thinking when it arises and when it's trigger off. Byron Katie: recognize the unpleasantness and thinking but stay with what you are doing right now come back right here. Establishing a full present attention: noting unpleasantness breaks the chain of reactivity (the next step of unpleasant is rejection, then depression, afraid, etc.) When simply noticing the unpleasantness it gives a bigger space of awareness and the identification with something wrong begins to dissolve.

Sickness goes also with blame and shame, it's like there is a self that owns the illness and reflects on itself. It loops with the reaction to the sickness (irritability, anger, etc.) and the person does not like how she reacts to the illness.

Realizations from practice:

The more pain there is the more motivation to see what's happening. A close attention reveals impermanence all changing. Deepest realization is sickness is happening versus I am sick. The realization that happens when there is an intimate presence with unpleasantness sometimes proliferates to grieving (lost of life) if we open to it, we find love (love of life). When losing someone we love, the process is the same : moment to moment awareness. We can trust the power of love and awareness to awaken us through all circumstances - Dalai Lama.

The gift of impermanence

Tich Nath Han : the more we face the realness of loss and change, the more we touch that which is eternal. When we can remember death, mortality, we can let go of pettiness and smallness and stay in touch with what matters. 3 buddhist refuges: Dharma: taking refuge in the way things are. What is happening? RAIN process. In all the teachings that joint back to truth. Sangha: taking refuge in our relatedness, in our connections. Buddha: taking refuge in who we are, in awareness. In the moments of being fully present to what's happening we become that presence, we discover our refuge in awareness itself.

What brings you joy?

We have a habit to dwell into sufferings and not into joys. The inquiry to joy is not about avoiding suffering in anyway. The first noble truth spoken by the Buddha is the acknowledgment of suffering. Suffering exists, as well discontentment, separation. And there is also a tremendous beauty. Our habit is to fixate on what's wrong; the invitation is to reach into the beauty, often hidden.

This inquiry is to bring into the psycho-therapeutic field too what do you like?; what bring you joy?; what do you like to savor? Gratitude is a very good practice to bring more attention on to the good. It's about rearranging our neuron-pathways. What happened to our wildness? We are so trained in containing ourselves, trying to be OK all the time, we loose touch with delight and appreciation. The training is about reconnecting. Metta meditation reflects on the goodness in others and ourselves, it allows us to expand our view about their other. Another interesting practice is to consciously describe what's good in an other (who had been unreal). When we see what's broken in another person, we exacerbate their experience of being broken. We are not helping them like that! Instead we can see who is really there their goodness and call on that. Can we see the Buddha nature that's there in the other? That holds an amazing power to see the other as he truly is beyond the space suit. Telling the person is offering blessings.

Program overview and reflection on aspiration

It is our conditioning to be in a trance and to be identified with a separate self, in a smaller way than what we are truly. It's our birth right to wake up in our fullness truth of what we are. The main tool we have explored is a purposeful way of paying attention = mindfulness. Mindfulness has two wings: noticing and allowing what's happening compassion to what's happening Making love of our self perfect and loving life. When we start to wake up in that love, that love and light brings to the goodness of others too. Seeing the goodness is really the gateway, it's our gift for people to discover their Buddha nature.