SEX, MARRIAGE, AND PARENTHOOD IN NIGERIA

ii Nihil Obstat:
Rev. Fr. Yakubu-Gowon Salami St. Judes Catholic Church Benin-City.

Imprimatur
Most Rev. Dr. Gabriel G. Dunia Bishop of Auchi Diocese

Copyright: 2006

iii
Anselm Kole Jimoh Sacred Heart Catholic Church Agenebode. Edo State. Nigeria.

ISBN

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be produced in any form without the prior permission of the copyright owner.

Published in Nigeria by Amfitop Books (Subsidiary of Amfitop Nigeria Ltd.) 19 Bayo Oyewole St. Okota-Isolo, P.O.Box 837, Apapa-Lagos. IBADAN * LAGOS * KADUNA

DEDICATION
to

iv Mum & Dad

ACKNOWLEDGEMENT
I am most grateful to all those who have played a role in my formation years in the Seminary. I thank in a special way the efforts of Very Rev. Msgr. M. I. Mozia, under whose moderation I first researched into the topic of this work. I thank Dr. and Dr. (Mrs.) Nelson Idogho, who despite their tight programme were able to make out time to read through the final manuscript and offered useful corrections and advice. My gratitude also goes to Rev. Fr. Martins Enegbuma for his contribution to this work. I am grateful to my friends; John Segun Odeyemi and Yakubu-Gowon Salami for their friendship and constant advice. Finally I think most sincerely, Most Rev. Dr. Michael Elue for going through the manuscript and my Bishop Most Rev. Dr. Gabriel G. Dunia for approving this publication.

CONTENTS
Dedication iv

Acknowledgements v

vi Contents Foreword Preface General Introduction A. Conceptual Analysis vi .... vii .... viii xii 15 15 19 25 27

CHAPTER ONE: RESPONSIBLE PARENTHOOD B. Responsible Parenthood in the Scripture C. Demands of Responsible Parenthood A. Parenthood in Nigeria

CHAPTER TWO: THE NIGERIAN SITUATION B. Regulation of Births in Nigeria

29 30 34

CHAPTER THREE: THE CATHOLIC CHURCH AND RESPONSIBLE PARENTHOOD B. Conjugal Love A. General Overview of Catholic Teaching As Stated in the Humane Vitae . 35 . 37 . 42 . 43 . 45 C. Regulation of Births

- Licit Ways of Birth Regulation - Illicit Ways of Birth Regulation a. Direct Abortion b. Direct Sterilization c. Contraception D. Responsible Parenthood

48 52 . 52

CHAPTER FOUR: TOWARDS RESPONSIBLE PARENTHOOD IN NIGERIA A. Conjugal Love and Birth Regulation in Nigeria B. Responsible Parenthood in Nigeria . 56

SUMMARY .. 60 SELECTED BIBLIOGRAPHY .. 63

FOREWORD
Man today lives a globalised existence, inescapably buffeted by winds of doctrine, whims, and caprices of men who find themselves in privileged positions to speak on the variegated

vii issues that affect and determine his well-being, and governments who endorse and promote sincere but flawed solutions to his aches. This globalised existence has made man an open system, receptive to every junk innovation that has over-thrown safe, well-established cultural practices and threatens to evacuate mans faith in a perfect God who created a perfect world. Marriage, incidentally is mans sore point of vulnerability in this ferocious attack, with marital fidelity and responsible parenthood as the first casualties, leaving man floundering in the sea of perversity and moral degeneracy! This book, thus, comes out at a most fortuitous moment, to help us parents and prospective parents re-examine our roles within the matrix of prevailing, popular but poisonous attitudes to sex, marriage, and parenthood. This author canvasses a Christo-centric approach to help the Church and Christians return to and uphold the path of Godliness, which apostle Paul says is great gain.

Dr. (Mrs.) P. O. Idogho

PREFACE
In all the nations of the world, for one reason or another, women are beginning to realize that they need no longer be condemned to a life of constant childbearing and childrearing, but are increasingly able to choose how many children, or how few children, they want to have. Derek Llewellyn-Jones at once states a fact and at the same time opens a can of questions. These are

viii questions that border on the morality of the choice of methods used in regulating the number of children in a family. In Nigeria today, as in almost all the countries of the world, contraception and outright abortion have become the chief means of regulating births. Relying on contraceptives, many Nigerian women have gone into illicit sexual relationships both within and outside marriage. And in the event of the unwanted pregnancies, abortion becomes easily the next step in the line of actions. Nigerian men are not helping the situation. They lure the women folk, particularly the young and inexperienced ones, given that there are still any of our female folk that we can describe as such today, into sexual relationships while relying on the condom or/and coitus interruptus methods of contraception. In an attempt to justify these methods of regulating births, very many have appealed to the demands of both conjugal love and responsible parenthood. It thus becomes necessary to precisely state the true concept of responsible parenthood and that of conjugal love, which is a corollary of the former. Responsible parenthood is generous and prudent parenthood, a fundamental requirement of a married couples true mission. It demands that the couple save, protect, and promote the good of the offspring, that of the family community and that of the human society at large. Married persons through responsible parenthood try to observe and cultivate the essential values of matrimony with the good of persons, the good of the child to be educated, of the couples themselves and of the whole society in view. It is one of the conditions and expressions of true conjugal chastity. This is because genuine love, which is rooted in the theological virtues of faith, hope, and charity, ought to inform the whole life and every action of the couple.

ix Responsible parenthood consists in having the knowledge of and respect for the dignity of the human person in its totality. These include the biological laws that are part and parcel of the human person as far as giving life is concerned. It is the necessary mastery that human reason and will must exercise over the tendencies of instinct and passions. Within the limits of physical, economic, psychological, and social conditions, it is exercised in the licit and moral ways of regulating births. Over and above all, as stated by Pope Paul VI in his encyclical; Humanae Vitae, responsible parenthood implies a more profound relationship to the objective moral order established by God and of which a right conscience is the faithful interpreter. The exercise of responsible parenthood therefore implies that the couple recognizes fully their duties toward God, toward themselves, toward the family and toward the society, in a correct hierarchy of values. As it were, in response to the numerous problems posed by the changes occurring in the world today, the ideals of responsible parenthood seem to have been thrown over board. The situation is the same world over with little or no variations from one country to the other. In Nigeria, conjugal love has virtually lost its true meaning and purpose, the situation is worse in developed countries. Pre-marital and extra-marital sexual relationships have become the order of the day; you are out of place these days if at the age of 17 years you do not have a boyfriend to gratify your sexual desires, worse still if you have finished your SSCE. For most girls, SS1 is the ripe age but if you are fast, you begin while in JSSIII. Since most women prefer to marry men who are financially made these days, this latter group often times are older, the women folk find it justified to seek younger and more active blood to satisfy their sexual need. While you legally enjoy your husbands wealth, you catch your fun outside marriage! The men folk in Nigeria today seem to be reputed for infidelity within marriage. Do we really blame the women folk? Not

x with what they have come to accept as the norm in their tertiary institution days where male lecturers and female students have free-for-all sexual relationships and no body blinks at it. Most of these lecturers are married, so why would the girl not grow up to think all men are unfaithful and should she be deprived of catching her fun outside her marriage while her husband is somewhere fondling a girl most times he is coming back home late or going on business meetings? There is a geometric increase in the number of brothels and guest houses, particularly in urban areas of the country in the past years, thanks to the patronage of men, young and old alike, and the sexual recklessness of girls in their teens obviously influenced by the wayward behaviour of the older girls who are relatively lacking financial problems as their multiple sex partners provide for their needs. The implication of this is a fall in the level of sexual morality, which has made itself manifest in the increasing rate of contraception through artificial means of birth control and sterilization, which has become popular lately and abortion, which narrowly survived a motion for legalization in Nigeria some time ago. And of course, broken marriages of which the

offspring(s) is worst hit psychologically, having been denied the peaceful, protective, and loving atmosphere of a happy family. Responsible parenthood is basically concerned with the issue of transmission of life. This in all ages has posed serious problems to the conscience of married persons. And with the evolution of society, there are changes, which have raised new questions on this issue. The Church in carrying out her mission of the salvation of the human person cannot afford to ignore these new questions raised. In the light of this, Pope Paul VI, after a commission of experts called together had prepared material for him, issued the encyclical letter on the regulation of births Humanae Vitae.

xi This document having actuated the issue at hand, ascertained the competence of the Magisterium to treat such matters. And with that as a stepping stone, it delved into the doctrinal principles involved in the issue of transmission of life and went ahead to give some pastoral directives. Thus, concluding with a final appeal to all men and women of good will to abide by the teaching of this document. There is no gain saying that through the ages men and women especially of our time have found it difficult abiding by this document. Many rejoiced when the news came that the present Pope, Benedict XVI has set up a commission to look into the Churchs position on condoms in the light of the current scourge of HIV/AIDS. While we await the conclusion and the statement of the Holy Father, if there will be any, at the end of the commissions study, the value of responsible parenthood needs to be re-emphasized. The effort of this little book is to re-emphasize the value of responsible parenthood in Nigeria. I am doing this with the objective of educating Nigerian couples and couples-to-be, on the morality of natural methods of birth control as against the immorality of artificial methods of birth control. This education is to build up the family life in Nigeria and the society in general. I also have in view the fact that parents and parents to be should take into serious consideration the upbringing of their children and their means and abilities before giving births. The number of children roaming Nigerian streets today is indicative of the inability of parents to properly cater for their children, no thanks to the economic state of the nation.

xii

GENERAL INTRODUCTION
It is a general opinion that of the many interlinked problems that face humanity today that of population growth is a major one especially in African countries. Population controllers therefore want us to believe that the earth is running out of space, food, energy, even air, and perhaps sunlight. For them, the way to arrest this rapidly growing population is to attack human fertility and the defenseless unborn babies. Really, we cannot dispute the fact that the population of the world is greater now than at any other time in history. But given that the world is actually overpopulated and thus needs depopulation, such methods of birth control that are artificial are amoral and dehumanize the image of God in the human person. Artificial methods of birth regulation, which have been widely adopted as a means of population control, are many but of two broad divisions. They are either contraceptives or abortifacients. Contraception means against conception. It is the intentional prevention of the fertilization of the human ovum by special devices, drugs and techniques. Contraceptives are therefore anything used to prevent conception following sexual intercourse. Abortifacients allow conception to take place but prevent the foetus from growing in the womb. It means therefore to make an abortion. Apart from contraceptives and abortifacients, such means as sterilization of either the man or woman are also used to control birth rate. This involves vasectomy in men and tubal legation and hysterectomy in women. All these methods of artificial birth control are not only amoral and dehumanizing; they have resulted to the abuse of sexual morality. No wonder then that conjugal love in Nigeria as in other countries has almost lost its true meaning, purpose, and significance. Sex, which use to be held sacred among our people has become an open for all business. Married couples seem to be more and more unsatisfied with sexual activity with their partners as extra-

xiii marital sexual relationships is now fashionable. The situation is so desperate today that when you compare the ages of those involved, you would rightly conclude that some men would have been guests at the naming ceremony of some of the girls they sleep around with. Girls are sleeping with men who have children that are much older than them and there is nothing wrong with it for them. In such a situation as we have today, the true Christian cannot just afford to be passive. He ought to be actively concerned. Thus, he ought to try arrest the situation to the best of his ability. It is however painful to admit that Christians are active participants in the current of events. This not withstanding, efforts have to be made. In trying to do this, Christians should fall back on the Church, which has never failed or kept quiet on such matters that affect the sanity and sanctity of humanity. The Church has always been faithful to her mission of working for the salvation of the human person. Little wonder, the Holy Father has recently asked for further research into the use of some contraceptives in the face of the scourge of HIV/AIDS. At the dawn of this whole issue, Pope Paul VI issued the encyclical; Humanae Vitae, which treats the moral questions arising from artificial methods of birth control. This encyclical talks much on responsible parenthood. Responsible parenthood requires that the couple recognize fully their duties toward God, themselves, the family, and the society, in a correct hierarchy of values. If these ideals of responsible parenthood are practiced in Nigeria, we will surely have a country where moral values are esteemed and sexual decadence discarded. The encyclical treats the subject of conjugal life in a concise, strictly theological, synthetic, and systematic way. It stresses the fact that conjugal love has its origin in God who is love and father. It goes on to contend that by means of the reciprocal gift of self, proper and exclusive to husband and wife, they tend toward a communion of their beings. This is in view of a mutual personal perfection, so as to collaborate with God in the generation and education of new lives.

xiv My intention here is to present an analytic account of the situation as far as the practice of responsible parenthood is concerned in Nigeria. This will cut across the three matrices of: a Nigerian understanding of parenthood, conjugal love in marriage (and outside marriage) and the regulation of births in Nigeria. The latter shall treat the issue of contraception, sterilization, abortion. For one thing, this study is working towards establishing the morality and immorality involved in the subject of study in its various dimensions.

15

CHAPTER ONE RESPONSIBLE PARENTHOOD

The focus of this chapter is generally to study the concept of responsible parenthood. It shall involve a conceptual analysis of the word responsible, which will be predicated to parenthood in a bid to evolve an in-depth understanding of responsible parenthood as a concept. It shall also involve a study of responsible parenthood in the Scripture, and conclude with the demands or ideals of responsible parenthood. A. CONCEPTUAL ANALYSIS The term responsibility is to be understood within the context of the human person who by virtue of his intellect and will may be held liable or not for his actions. Thus we talk of human acts and acts of man both of which are not within the framework of this study. What then is human responsibility about? Human responsibility deals with appropriate or inappropriate response to Gods call for which the human person is liable1. Responsibility is therefore expressed in the theological and moral virtues, to God, to neighbour, to the world, and to self. Responsibility is better appreciated in the light of human freedom. Freedom here describes a situation that lacks physical, social, political, economic, psychological, and moral or ethical pressure or constraint. It is a situation that enables the human person to create himself or herself through making decisions and choices. Most proper to humankind of all the forms of freedom is ethical freedom. It enables the person determine himself or

G. J. Gratseh, et al, Principles of Catholic Theology, (New York: Alba House, St. Paul Press) p. 275.

16 herself by a personal free choice. It is self-determination. The sharing of ones own life; ones own self by ones own choice2. There is what we call the modes of responsibility. These are the principles that shape and control moral responsibility. FIRST MODE: This deals with consistent commitment to a harmonious set of purpose of values3. This mode of responsibility rules out all kinds of primordial spontaneity. Thus, if we have this mode of responsibility, we do not subject ourselves to desires or inclinations that are not harmonized with the rest of our fundamental life-purpose. Spontaneity is not totally ruled out. Such spontaneities that flow from or are in line with fundamental commitment are given room. SECOND MODE: This has an open and inclusive attitude toward all fundamental human purposes. It demands that all goods be taken into account. And such goods are considered in relation to how they apply to self as well as others. Consequently, one with this mode of responsibility does not consider self as a special case, demanding concessions and special treatment. And will not grant such to others4. Such a person will constantly have in mind the equality in dignity of all, since all human beings have been created in the image and likeness of God. THIRD MODE: Like the second mode, it has to do with relationships with others. It is simply, the openness and willingness to help others. With this mode of responsibility, we desire to see others develop and perfect themselves by realizing to the fullest the good of which they are capable5. In relation to others, we are neither selfish nor defensive of our
2

M. I. Mozia, Law, Handout in Moral Theology, (SS Peter & Paul Seminary, Ibadan, Mimeographed, 1992) p. 6 3 G. Grizez & R. Shaw, Beyond the New Morality, (London: University of Notre Dame Press) p. 108 4 M. I. Mozia, Op. Cit., p. 7 5 Ibid.

17 superiority. We rejoice to see others develop and if possible outshine us. It recognizes and accepts the differences in others. The morality that flows from this responsibility is the willingness to accept responsibility for the needs of one another even when there is no structured relationship with others, which compels one to do so6. FOURTH MODE: This is detachment from part of the whole human good. It results from our over identification to one of the whole human good. This is an aberration or religious fanaticism in the case of religious matters. The loss of a part of good does not imply the total loss of good. Thus we only become irresponsible if we are not prepared to accept the loss of a particular satisfaction or achievement without seeing it as a final goal7. FIFTH MODE: This complements the detachment of the fourth mode. It is prepared to accept the loss of a particular satisfaction and achievement without seeing it as a final loss of his or her personhood. Thus, it operates on the fact that we should always be committed to our ideals. It is therefore a call to fidelity to our ideals and not just constancy in upholding our ideals. Responsibility and fidelity go hand in hand here. SIXTH MODE: This mode deals with efficiency in pursuing a limited objective. It is the responsibility of cutting your coat to your size. These six modes give the principles that shape and control moral responsibility. None of the six is on its own sufficient; all of them are recognized and observed by moral responsibility. This analysis paves way for an in-depth and analytic study of responsibility within the context of Christian vision. The Christian vision of responsibility, tries to reconcile the

6 7

G. Grizez & R. Shaw, Op. Cit., p. 110 M. I. Mozia, Op. Cit., p. 7

18 modes or responsibility. Consequently, it gives us a wholistic understanding of moral responsibility, which shall be predicated to parenthood. The Christian vision of responsibility limits the responsibility to a faith response to moral value. According to Bernard Haring, it is a God-given capacity to make all of our moral aspirations and decisions, indeed all of our conscious lifes response to God and thus to integrate it within the obedience of faith8. It is a total openness to God. So, it demands listening to God in all the ways he decides to speak to us inviting us and challenging us with graced readiness to respond with all our heart, our minds, will and all our life9. It is in this light that charity becomes the primary value in responsibility. And what is charity? Charity is being there for others as Christ was. It demands that we respect, promote, and serve others in their needs. In all, responsibility therefore means to employ the resources of discerning love in order to discover how the potentialities of being can best be realized in accord with its exigencies10. Before predicating responsibility to parenthood, let us briefly describe parenthood. Parenthood refers to the state of being a parent. And a parent is one of the two persons; one male and one female, who are jointly the cause of ones birth. It can also refer to one who has a legal position of a mother or father by adoption. Within the analysis so far made, to predicate responsibility to parenthood by which we have responsible parenthood, it would mean that some measure of responsibility is expected of a parent or parents as the case may be. Responsible parenthood therefore, requires of the parent(s) a measure of charity. That is to say that parents in their total
8 9

Bernard Haring, Free and Faithful in Christ, Vol. 1 (Great Britain: St. Paul Publications, 1978) p. 65 Ibid. 10 G. M. Regans, New Trends in Moral Theology, (New York: Newman Press, 1971) p. 189.

19 openness to God (responsibility in the Christian vision); listening to God in whatever way he chooses to speak to them, should try to respect, promote, and serve others in their needs (charity). This charity will have a special application to their offspring, for charity, they say, begins at home. From the view expressed so far, we appreciate and fully comprehend Paul VI when he said, responsible parenthood implies that the couple fully recognize their duties toward God, toward themselves, toward the family, and toward the society, in a correct hierarchy of values.11 B. RESPONSIBLE PARENTHOOD IN THE SCRIPTURE For Theologians reading this, I wish to make a little deviation from what you are used to, I shall deviate from the traditional method of first considering the Old Testament, then the New Testament, and Epistles. This deviation is not suggesting that the traditional method is faulty (it may be but that is not for our discussion) but that it will not facilitate a clear understanding of my presentation. The method I shall adopt involves that we

consider responsible parenthood under its various legitimate and interrelated aspects. This will be done simultaneously in the light of the scripture. It is important to note and take into serious reckoning the fact that parenthood has its legitimacy in the scriptures. And God blessed them, and God said to them, Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it (Gen. 1:28a). Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and cleaves to his wife, and they become one flesh. (Gen. 2:24). Both passages from the two accounts of creation, (i) Priestly tradition (550-500 B. C.) and (ii) Yawhist tradition (c. 950 B. C.), clearly depict the divine institution of parenthood.
11

Austin Flannery, OP. Vatican Council II, Encyclical Letter on the Regulation of Births Humanae Vitae (New York: Costello Publishing Company, 1982) No. 10

20 The first aspect of responsible parenthood to be considered in the light of the scripture is in relation to the psychosomatic nature of the human person. This is with particular reference to the biological processes. Within this context, responsible

parenthood means knowing and respecting the functions of these processes 12 which are the biological laws that are part of the human person in relation to the transmission of life. A new life has to come from the combined effort of two distinct persons; one a male and the other a female. This happens during sex through a process in which the male sperm fertilizes the female ovum. Genesis 1:27 established the fact of distinctness in sex. So God created man in his own image MALE and FEMALE he created them. This is a pointer to the fact that human sexuality is essentially personal. Though we can pick up some controversy with regard to the use of a male gender at the beginning, so God created man, we should however note that it is a case of inclusive language. The fact however remains that the sexual denomination of male and female is not a quality that pertains merely to one part or aspect of the individual person, but that it is something that is said of the whole person13. Thus, the whole person is a male or the whole person is a female. Each is wholly and fully a complete human person. The male is not a female neither is the female a male. Genesis 38:8f makes reference to the fact that sexual intercourse must take place for the generation of new life. Onan was supposed to have raised children for his late brother through the latters wife. But Onan went in to his brothers wife he spilled the semen on the ground, lest he should give offspring to his brother. (Gen. 38:9). Went in to in this passage refers to sexual intercourse, which means that Onans penis penetrated
12 13

Ibid. Calvin Poulin, SJ Human Sexuality: A Historico-Theological Over-View (SS Peter & Paul Seminary, Ibadan, Mimeographed, 1993) p. 3

21 (went in to) the vagina of his brothers wife. The act of spilling the semen on the ground by Onan displeased the Lord and he slew him (Gen. 38:10). This action of Onan has given rise to the use of the term Onanism, which has been taken at times to mean both masturbation and contraception, both in general and in some particular methods (coitus interruptus).14 The fact that Onans onanism earned him death from the Lord is an obvious scriptural argument against contraception. Thus the scripture excludes contraception from responsible parenthood. Another aspect of responsible parenthood for our scriptural consideration is in relation to tendencies of instinct and passion. In this wise, responsible parenthood is the necessary mastery that reason and will must exercise over sexual instincts and passions. Responsible parenthood must acknowledge the tendencies of instincts and passions. But it is not to allow them override its sense of moral responsibility. The scripture says; do not be governed by your passions, restrain your desires. (Sir. 18:30). Thus a responsible exercise of parenthood is not to give in to sexual instinct and passions. The Song of Solomon, particularly the fourth chapter provides a celebration of physical love as a manifestation of the sacred character of the total human relationship between two people who love each other 15 This book celebrates what seems to be erotic, human, passionate, sensuous love as something good. Words are here expressing feelings; a language for love is being created. In all of this the lovers realize the inadequacy of words. He goes on and on the feet, the thighs, the navel, the belly, the eyes, the nose, the head, and yet in the end the words do not say it all. It is a verbose description and yet one does not tire16.

14 15

Ibid. p. 11 Ibid. p. 6 16 Donald Goerger, OP. The Sexual Celibate, (New York: Image Books, 1979) p. 25

22 This book of the Old Testament is appreciative of sexuality and takes a positive look at the sensual sphere. It develops the erotic dimension in the context of a particular relationship, inseparable from the love that exists between the couple. It recognizes the intensity of feelings that is part of the nature of sexual love, as well as the need for physical expression. Most importantly it brings out a certain sense of fidelity in the kind of love these two celebrate17. I Corinthians 7:5 advises couples not to allow the evil one tempt them through lack of self-control. This refers to the fact that parents should not give in to sexual instinct and passions. Their celebration of love should transcend beastly sexual instinct and passion; they are not to behave like lower animals in heat. While it is their moral right to enjoy sex as at when and where they desire, they should exercise self control in respect for decency. It would be indecent for instance that because a husband is treating his wife to a romantic dinner in a romantic venue and he is making some really romantic statements, the wife in response is getting or gets into the mode to make love, they should turn their dinner table, in the public place before the gaze of other users of the facility, into a bed for sex. A full control over such and similar instincts and passions would help them redirect their passions to a faithful celebration of love. The point I am making here is, the moral right of a husband and wife to sex does not justify their having sex in the market place, not even before their grown up children. Next to be considered from scripture is responsible parenthood in relation to physical, economic, psychological, and social conditions. Within these conditions, responsible parenthood is exercised by the thoughtfully made and generous decision to raise a large family or by the decision made for grave motives and with respect for the
17

Ibid. pp. 32-33

23 moral law, to avoid a new birth for the time being, or even for an indeterminate period18. This means that in their socio-economic, physical, and psychological conditions, parents may practice family planning or regulation of births. But in doing this, they should realize that they cannot simply follow their own fancy19. They cannot determine with complete autonomy the right paths to follow they are to conform their creative actions to the creative intention of God20. Matt. 19:4 presents Christ reiterating the fact that from the beginning, male and female were they created. The Fathers of the Second Vatican Council interpret this to mean Gods wish to associate humanity in a special way with his own creative work.21 Thus, married couples should regard it as their proper mission to transmit human life22. After all God blessed man and woman with the words; Be fruitful and multiply. (Gen. 1:28). Children have always been considered and rightly so, to be a blessing from the Lord. (Cf. Gen. 33:5, Ps. 127:3 & Prov. 17:6). That is why having children is considered a thing of honour (Gen. 30:20) and barrenness or infertility brings afflictions and distress to the woman. (1 Sam. 1:11). In blessing Sarah, God gave her a son even in her old age (Gen. 17:16). And in approval of Abrahams prayer for Ishmael, God promised to bless him and make him fruitful and multiply him exceedingly. (Gen. 17:20). The issue of who is to inherit the woman married by seven brothers, one after the other, in a bid to raise children for their eldest brother (cf. Lk. 20:27-33) implicitly brings out the premium placed on children in the family.

18 19

Humanae Vitae, n. 10 Austin Flannery, O. P. (ed.) Vatican Council II, Vol. I Pastoral Constitution on the Church in the Modern World Gaudium et Spes (New York: Costello Publishing Company, 1982) No. 50 20 Humanae Vitae, n. 10 21 Gaudium et Spes, n. 50 22 Ibid.

24 Regulation of births or family planning may be inferred from Gen. 29:35 when having had four children, Leah ceased to bear. Not all methods of birth control is however acceptable to the Lord. Responsible parenthood requires that parents recognize and fulfill their duties toward God, themselves, the family, and the society. The duties of parents or married couples toward God, among others include the begetting of new lives (Gen. 1:28), which is a participation in Gods creative work. Also included is the care, love, education, and training of the children. (Prov. 13:24; 19:18; 29:17 & Sir. 7:23-24). The obligations or duties of spouses toward themselves are three-fold. First of all, they owe each other mutual love since they are no more two but one (cf. Matt. 19:5); it is only fitting that they be of one heart as well.23 Hence, St. Paul exhorts husbands to love their wives as Christ loved his Church (Ehp. 5:25) and wives their husbands (Tit. 2:4, Col. 3:18 and I Tim. 2:15). Secondly, they owe each other mutual help and comfort. They are supposed to complete each other, the talents and gifts of the one complements those of the other. (Genesis 2:18). And thirdly, they are to cohabit. This results from the fact that a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. (Matt. 19:5). The scripture is not silent on the fact that married couples have the duty of raising a morally good and upright family. (Sir. 7:24-25, Prov. 29:17). And they ought to contribute to the growth of the society. C. DEMANDS OF RESPONSIBLE PARENTHOOD To cultivate and realize all the essential values of marriage, married people should become ever more deeply aware of the profundity of their vocation and breadth of their responsibilities. In this spirit and with this awareness let married people seek how they might better be cooperators with the love of God and Creator
23

Francis Cunningham, OP (ed.) The Christian Life, (Dubuque: The Priory Press, 1959), p. 627

25 and be, so to speak, the interpreters of that love for the task of procreation and education24. The Catholic Church believes in and preaches responsible parenthood the concept of which is thought of in terms of a day-to-day decision by a couple in relation to the changing circumstances of their marriage.25 This entails that couples should bring into the world only those children that they can care for and educate properly. 26 And in relation to this, Catholic teaching does not allow the use of any means that interfere with natural act of sexual intercourse or with the sexual faculty.27 The considerations to be weighed in responsible parenthood include the claims to existing children and the right of each child to love and nurture in the full sense. The mental and physical health and the prospects for health of a future child, the needs of the social order to which the family forms a part are to be taken into consideration before married couples bring forth another child.28 To fully grasp the demands of responsible parenthood, we have to understand in its true sense, the concept of conjugal love for it is by virtue of this that husband and wife are required to be aware of their mission or responsible parenthood. The true nature and nobility of conjugal love is revealed when considered in its supreme source; God who is love (I John 4:8) and the father from whom all fatherhood in heaven and on earth receives its name (Eph. 3:15) thus the creator, in order that his design of love may be realized in humankind, instituted marriage. So that, husband and wife

24 25

Robert G. Hoyt, (ed.) The Birth Control Debate, (Missouri: National Catholic Reporter, 1968) pp. 83-84 John Macquarre, (ed.) A Dictionary of Christian Ethics, s.v. Procreation by Richard M. Fagley, (Britain: SCM Press, 1967) 26 Charles E. Curran, Moral Theology: A Continuing Journey, (London: University of Notre Dame Press, 1982) p. 143. 27 Ibid. 28 John Macquarre, (ed.) Op. Cit.

26 through marriage may help one another toward personal perfection so as to collaborate with God in the begetting and rearing of new lives29. Responsible parenthood therefore demands that the couple save, protect, and promote the good of the offspring, that of the family community and that of the human society. These demands or ideals require that the couple has the knowledge and respect for the dignity of the human person in its psycho-somatic nature. This includes the biological laws that are part and parcel of the human person with regards to giving life. The demands also require the couples exercise of their reason and will over the tendencies of instinct and passion. And given their physical, economic, psychological and social conditions, the demands of responsible parenthood are exercised in their adoption of licit ways of birth regulation. With these demands of responsible parenthood maintained, the couple will invariably be fulfilling their duties toward God, toward themselves, toward the family and toward the society.

29

Humanae Vitae, n. 8

27

CHAPTER TWO THE NIGERIAN SITUATION

The description of our situation in Nigeria at this point of our national history may not be an easy one, it is full of complexities especially on the political and economic terrain, which invariably bears on and determines to a large extent the moral and social life of the people. Our case is that of a nation that seems to be gradually taking a nosedive into a pathetic and deplorable state. With bastardized politics, marginalized economy,

traumatized religions, our sociality and morality cannot but follow suit. It is therefore not surprising that sexual morality within and outside marriage in Nigeria has approached the verge of total collapse. The mysteries that use to surround the whole issue of sex, which makes it a taboo for public discussion has been ripped apart. Premarital sex, which includes teenage sex, is just one of those things today. Worse still, extra-marital sex has become fashionable; we cannot even begin to describe the age long practice of sex for money as we are likely to run out of appropriate adjectives. All we need to confirm the veracity of sexual degradation in Nigeria today is a visit to the many night clubs in cities like Lagos, Abuja, Port Harcourt, Enugu, Benin, etc. and see what the female folk have reduced themselves to thanks to patronizing male folks. These clubs are packed full to the brim with virtually nude girls; all the dark corners in the clubs are filled with boys and girls in all forms of sexual romance positions. Many of the men in these clubs are married. There is even no guarantee that their wives are not taking advantage of the absence of their husband to play their own games; after all, they probably think, how am I sure he is not in the arms of another woman now?

28 These attitudes that berate our morality cannot be divorced from the faith most Nigerians have in the various contraceptives now in use. Having bought the idea of safe sex thanks to contraception, abortion, and prevention of the HIV/AIDS scourge, married women and men see nothing wrong with having sex partners other than their husbands or wives. Neither does the younger generation see the need to wait till marriage before part taking in sex. For one thing, with contraception they would not get pregnant, if they do, abortion would take care of it, if they do not get pregnant, no one would know they are indulging in sex. Come to think of it, our sexual organs keep no records of their activities! I guess this thinking is even obsolete because these days, it is out of fashion to be a male or female virgin at the age of 16 or 17 years for both sexes. Your friends and collogues will laugh at you and you are made to feel there is something you are missing out on. I was embarrassed once when a female friend came to report another to me that she is corrupting the young sister because the latter has had a rapid development of her sexual parts. My friend reported that her friend is luring my friends younger sister into having sex with a male friend. Her problem was that at the age of 12 years in JSSI her sister was too young for that. I ventured to ask when she thinks she would be ready for it, at least she can start in SSSI maybe JSSIII if she cannot hold it was the shocking answer I got. With such a pervasive break down in sexual morality in our society, we cannot but expect a break down in the family. When either the man or the wife has compromised conjugal fidelity, the seed of disharmony is sown. This eventually climaxes in a broken home. With this frame of mind, let us focus attention on the understanding of parenthood in the African society, with particular reference to Nigeria.

29 A. PARENTHOOD IN NIGERIA The concept of parenthood cannot be discussed outside marriage and the family. They are intrinsically linked together. In fact, under normal circumstances, the very mention of parent pre-supposes a family. In African societies, the family circle covers the parents and children. Inclusive are the grandparents, brothers and sisters, cousins, and a host of other relatives; all of whom make up the extended family. Let us quickly add here that this traditional concept of the family is shrinking in the face of modernism and its attendant factors.30 When we talk about the family in Africa, it is often in terms of family consciousness. The concept of family consciousness embraces all that goes into the family life that is marriage, which knots or bridges the family life. Also embedded in this concept are the other members of society, the religious dimension of life, and of course, parenthood. Marriage, which knots the family life and opens up family consciousness, legalizes parenthood. The use of the verb legalize immediately suggests that outside marriage, parenthood is illegitimate. This explains why the traditional Nigerian society as most traditional African societies, frowns at the idea of single parenthood. Modernization has however brought in a lot of changes in this regard. Parenthood is a serious responsibility for the traditional Nigerian. It demands a lot of care, wisdom, planning, and sacrifice. Often times, parenthood is stretched by the African beyond loving children. Thus, Mbiti says that before children arrive into a family, the couple ought to start adjusting themselves to the dimension that parenthood adds to the family.31 The responsibility that goes with parenthood is not just towards the children. It has
30 31

John S. Mbiti, Love and Marriage in Africa, (London: Longman Group Ltd., 1973) p. 107 Ibid. p. 108

30 a vertical dimension towards God as well. In its horizontal dimension, it goes beyond the children to the society and the existing laws of the community. Parenthood is seen as part of the creative dimension of the married life. In it the couple makes children and is simultaneously made parents. As the wife gives birth to a baby, the baby turns her into a creature of whom love and tenderness, warmth and comfort, refuge and security are demanded. All these are features of motherhood. The phenomenon of parenthood is such that parents become agents of God in creation, not merely by bringing into existence children, but in molding their personality, shaping them to fit into the world, caring for them until they can care for themselves, acting in every respect as fulltime host and hostess to your children.32 The family is strengthened through the reciprocal responsibility of the parents to the children and the children to the parents. B. REGULATION OF BIRTHS IN NIGERIA Children are known motivation and end of marriage in Africa. An African marries because he wants children. This statement credited to Radcliffe-Brown and Ford is very true of Nigerians.33 It is the case that the fruitful wife is the joy of the husband in most cultures in Nigeria. And the typical Nigerian woman would not count her children. For her, they are gifts from God. Thus we have such names as Nwakasi and Chinyelu (meaning that a child is the greatest gift of God) among the Igbo, Ebunoluwa and Olufunmilola (meaning blessing from God) among the Yoruba, Kyauta in Hausa and Oziofu and Ozioma in Igarra (meaning a child is the greatest gift of God). All these names as we can see signify that children are gifts from God.

32 33

Ibid. A. Radciliffe-Brown and D. Ford, African systems of Kinship and Marriage, (London: Oxford University Press, Press, 1950), p. 51

31 The fact that childlessness in marriage is regarded as a curse is an affirmation of the above assertion. A childless woman is scornfully called a man and made the object of ridiculing songs. A childless marriage is seen as a useless affair, a great disappointment and sooner or later, it leads to serious trouble in the family. It may eventually collapse. One may be tempted to rashly conclude that Nigerians breed children irresponsibly because they love them. This is not the case as child spacing is an age-long practice for the Nigerian couple. In fact, the community frowns at a woman who gets pregnant during the lactation of baby. However, with the changing social phenomenon, there is a movement from the traditional large families to small families. This is occasioned not only by the contact with Western culture, but also, by a sense of realism.34 The fact that most people are now salaried and thus need to plan their income to meet their needs, makes planning of the family a necessity. This planning necessarily involves the size of the family. Thus, the regulation of births comes to play. Unfortunately, however, the regulation of births has assumed a new importance in toadys world because of the need to check the so-called population explosion. Within the Nigerian context, there is this unrelenting propaganda about population explosion. This has brought about the government of Babangidas population policy of one woman, four children. Thank God it was later declared optional. Two questions that come to mind at this point are; (i) How real is this cry of population explosion in Nigeria? (ii) If real, how human and licit are the methods used to

34

Benedict Etafo & Hilary O. Okeke, (ed.) Marriage and the Family in Nigeria, s.v. Population, Marriage, and the Family in Nigeria by Fr. Hilary Odili Okeke, (Nigeria: Rex Charles & Patrick Ltd., 1993) p. 67.

32 check this explosion? Other questions may follow from these, but these two constitute my preoccupation here. Concerning the reality of population explosion in Nigeria, there is no doubt that out nation is the most populated country in the second most populated continent Africa. The provisional census figures released by the National Population Commission in 1991 placed the Nigerian population at 88.5 million. Sani Udu graphically points out that the nations population would hit 165 million by 2000 A. D. and 280 million by 2015 A. D.36 At present we await the result of the population census conducted earlier on this year 2006. Prior to this census, the general opinion is that we have about 120 million people in Nigeria. These figures and a lot others that we see in our national dailies and seminar papers have led some Nigerians to the opinion that population explosion is the countrys greatest threat. For them, there are no two ways of going about it, we must control our population. As it is the case in Nigeria today, to control the population seems to be a foregone conclusion. And artificial family planning methods have been dogmatically prescribed by the non-governmental agency, the Planned Parenthood Federation of Nigeria (P.P.F.N.) with the connivance and encouragement of the government.37 With this massive support, both financial and technical, from abroad, such groups as P.P.F.N. and its like, with the aids from USAID,38 UNDP,39 and UNEPA40 are mounting intense propaganda for artificial contraception. As of now, the mass of illiterate and semi-literate Nigerians are exploited and pressured into adopting artificial birth
36 37

D. Agbese, Eye of the Storm, News Watch, Feb. 29, 1988, p. 13 Benedict Etafo & Hilary O. Okeke, Op. Cit., p. 64 38 United States Agency for International Development 39 United Nations Development Programme 40 United Nations Fund for Population Activities

33 control measures that are sometimes not only morally objectionable but also medically ill-advised and harmful. Because of the mass ignorance, harmful drugs, both contraceptive and abortificient, are dumped in Nigeria and administered to the unwary couples especially to women.41 The state of things as regards birth regulation in Nigeria is summed up in Lawrence Adekoyas statement; I am quite convinced that todays carrots will turn out to be tomorrows sticks we are already witnessing the veritable signals of tomorrows decay, AIDS, abortion galore, surreptitious sterilization of villagers, massive distribution of condoms to young people, etc.42

41 42

Benedict Etafo & Hilary O. Okeke, Op. Cit, p. 68 Lawrence Adekoya, Nigerian Update, HLL Reports, July 1992, p. 12

34

CHAPTER THREE THE CATHOLIC CHURCH AND RESPONSIBLE PARENTHOOD

The Churchs teaching on responsible parenthood is summed up in the encyclical letter of Paul VI titled Humanae Vitae. It was and has remained a controversial document from the point of view that many find it difficult to abide by and therefore consider it unrealistic. Critics of the Church think it is not in tune with developments especially in human and social sciences. Humanae Vitae has been perceived by many merely as a dreary indictment of sinful behaviour. This simply is not true. Pope Paul VI presents, rather, a positive statement of marital love. In the beauty of its truth, Humanae Vitae gives to the world a precise definition of matrimonial love in all of its God given splendour.43 Humanae Vitae presents a precise description of the intimate friendship, which is the love of a man and a woman in holy matrimony. It is not a harsh collection of theological speculation neither is it an empty expression of fleeting sentimentality. It is rather, a vital vision of the human person, which modern men and women are ardently seeking. 44 It gives modern man the Churchs definition of marital love in the full dimension of the human personality i.e. the human person in its psycho-somatic nature. This encyclical letter of Pope Paul VI (25 July 1968) explicitly employs a natural law methodology to arrive at its particular moral conclusions on the licit means of

43 44

Fr. R. J. Rego, The True Meaning of Love, (U.S.A.: The Leeaflet Missal Co; 1990) p. 3 Ibid. p. 6

35 regulating births. It rests chiefly on the assertion that the procreative and unitive elements of the conjugal act are inseparable.45 A. GENERAL OVERVIEW OF CATHOLIC TEACHING AS STATED IN THE HUMANE VITAE Humanae Vitae emphasizes the sacredness of life as a finality of Christian marriage. It also emphasizes the freedom and dignity of the human personality. It condemns the use of contraceptives, which tamper with the reproductive organs of the human person to achieve its aim. It emphasizes responsible parenthood; for couples are co-creators with God, though they do not assume Gods position. It encourages creative freedom and respect for human dignity and reveals the function of the Church to guide and direct the lives of her members. In a personal way, it emphasizes conjugal love as not just for procreation and education of children but deals with marriage in all its ramifications. It talks about the significance of marriage rather than the ends of marriage. It is within this context that it brings out the sacramentality of marriage. Humanae Vitae begins with the very important issue of the transmission of life. This is a duty by reason of which married persons are free and responsible collaborators with God the Creator.46 It proceeds to highlight the new aspects of the problem of transmission of life in our contemporary time; rapid growth in population, which has raised the fear of a future in availability of resources. This has resulted to distress for many families and developing nations of which Nigeria is one. Consequently, public authorities

45

Charles Curran, (ed.) Contraception: Authority and Decent, (New York: Herder & Herder Inc., 1969) p. 151-176 46 Humanae Vitae, n. 1

36 are tempted to counter this danger with radical measures, which have given rise to new questions. Going further, it establishes the competence of the Magisterium to treat the issue in question: the transmission of life. Since the issue borders on the moral teaching on marriage, which is founded on the natural law, illuminated and enriched by divine revelation, the Magisterium has the competence to treat it for the Magisterium is a competent interpreter of the natural moral law. The 5th and 6th paragraphs make reference to the commission set up by John XXIII in March, 1963 to look into this issue. The second section of this encyclical deals with doctrinal principles. It recalls Pope Pius XIs Casti Connubii of 1930 and thus contends that each marriage act must be open to the transmission of life. Consequently, it rejects direct abortion, direct sterilization of either spouse whether it is permanently or temporary and whatever renders procreation impossible like, all forms of contraception. It however allows the use of therapeutic measures necessary for health provided they are not calculated to suppress procreation. It also allows the regulation of births by natural means for grave motives. To close this section, the serious consequences of the methods of artificial birth regulation were highlighted in paragraph 17. And paragraph 18 dwells on the role of the Church as guarantor of authentic human values. The third and concluding section is pastoral. It admonishes public authorities to promote a social climate favourable to chastity. They are therefore not to lend support or even impose artificial birth control techniques usually geared towards solving demographic problems. Scientists are charged to search out a scientifically secure basis for birth regulation through the observation of rhythm. Clerics were given the charge of proposing

37 this traditional teaching faithfully to people and they are to encourage married couple to adhere to it.47 This document concludes with a final appeal to all men of good will to practice and hold to this teaching, which the Magisterium always assisted by Christ and enlightened by the Holy Spirit gives. Before concluding this general overview, it is worthwhile to point out that it generated world wide problems and opposition, in which Cardinals and Bishops, Priests and moral theologians are divided among themselves. 48 Some of them are of the opinion that it is an authentic but non-fallible teaching of the Church, while others hold that it is an infallible teaching. B. CONJUGAL LOVE Conjugal love refers to the intimate conjugal partnership, which is an essential element of marriage. Since marriage is a community of love, an intimate union of persons, a process of growth, of experience in oneness, of continuing perfection, of mutual selfbestowal, a mutual gift of two persons49 the persons who enter into it must be capable of interpersonal relationship in a way that is human and satisfying. Conjugal love is not a mere erotic attraction, which is pursued in selfishness. Rather, it is a love that leads the partners to a free and mutual giving of self. A giving experienced in tenderness and action, and one that permeates their whole lives. It is rooted in the will and embraces the good of the whole person. It derives from God who is love (I John 4:8). The Conciliar Fathers tell us that the well-being of the individual person and of both human and Christian society is closely bound up with the healthy state of conjugal and family life.50 Conjugal love or married love is a far cry from mere erotic love, which is
47 48

Rev. Fr. C. U. Nwamiro, Population Policy and Morality, Vol. I (Nigeria: Assumpta Press, 1992) p. 9 Ibid. 49 Gaudium et Spes, nn. 47-51 50 Ibid., n. 47

38 pursued in selfishness and soon fades away in wretchedness. It is a love that brings the human and divine together. It is an eminently human love because it is an affection between two persons rooted in the will and it embraces the good of the whole person; it can enrich the sentiments of the spirit and their physical expression with a unique dignity and ennoble them as the special elements and signs of friendship proper to marriage.51 The expression and perfection of married love is in the exercise of the acts proper to marriage. The true nature and nobility of conjugal love is revealed when we realize that it derives from God and finds its supreme origin in Him who is love (I John 4:8), the Father from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named (Eph. 3:15). Hence we say that marriage is not an effect of chance but a reality wisely and providentially instituted by God, the Creator, who proposed to establish in man his loving design. Consequently husband and wife, who become a mutual gift to one another, seek to develop the personal union in which they cooperate with God in the generation and education of new lives.52 Conjugal love has four characteristics: IT IS FULLY HUMAN: Conjugal love is fully human. It is both of the senses and of the spirit; a compound of sense and spirit. So it is not just a question of natural instinct or emotional drive. It is an act of the free will, whose dynamism ensures that not only does it endure through the joys and sorrows of daily life, but also that it grows, so that husband and wife become in a way, one heart and one soul, and together attain their human fulfilment.53 Since married love or marital love is fully human, it has to respond to all the demands of the human person. Thus, it has a sexual dimension but it transcends this. There
51 52

Ibid., n. 49 Humanae Vitae, n. 8 53 Ibid. n. 9

39 are times when true love must say NO to the demands of the body, because it is also spirit. The love that is fully human understands this and brings the carnal appetites under the control of right reason.54 Otherwise, if one is obsessed by animal instinct, the partner becomes a mere object of use not a person worthy of love. As love responds to the needs of the body, so it also responds to the needs of the spirit. Thus, it seeks to fulfill the psychological, emotional, social, and rational needs of human personality. It also seeks to complement the desire of warmth, companionship, understanding, beauty, and mutual growth in holiness.55 Husband and wife must see each other as respected and beloved companions. IT IS TOTAL: It is total because it is a special form of personal friendship in which husband and wife generously share everything. They do not allow their individual expectations, thinking or interests rule them. They love one another not for what they can get from one another but content with enriching one another with the gift of self. To say conjugal love is total means, it cannot be fifty-fifty from either side, man and wife. It must be authentic; sacrificing, unselfish, giving, sharing, forgiving, complementing, encouraging, confronting, tolerating, loving, and prayerful.56 It is an unconditional love. IT IS FAITHFUL AND EXCLUSIVE: Conjugal love is faithful and exclusive until death. Thus, on the day the bride and groom freely and consciously assume the duty of the marriage bond, they took on the responsibility of fidelity, which can sometimes be difficult but always possible, noble, and meritorious. The fidelity that is due to marriage has been divinely willed (Gen. 2:24). A faithful love does not allow a man to sneak off to a dark corner with a woman who is not his wife.
54 55

Fr. R. J. Rego, Op. Cit., p. 6 Ibid. 56 Ibid..

40 Nor does it allow a woman snatch at a few moments of empty sentiment with a man who is not her husband. Conjugal love, which is faithful and exclusive must possess and be possessed. It must be an intimate and exclusive friendship that demands to have and to hold in a way no one else can. After all, the spouses exchange the greatest gift, which is themselves on their wedding day.57 IT IS FRUITFUL: This means that conjugal love is creative of life. That it is not exhausted by the loving interchange of husband and wife but is destined to continue raising up new lives.58 This characteristic takes us back to the teaching of the Conciliar Fathers in the Pastoral Constitution on the Church in the Modern World, Gaudium et Spes (GS). Marriage and married love are by nature ordered to the procreation and education of children. Indeed children are the supreme gift of marriage and greatly contribute to the good of the parents themselves. God Himself said: it is not good that man should be alone (Gen. 2:18), and from the beginning (He) made them male and female (Matt. 19:4); wishing to associate them in a special way with His own creative work, God blessed man and woman with the words: Be fruitful and multiply (Gen. 1:28).59 At the anniversaries of marriage, the Church prays that God the Father bless the spouses and that their marriage become an increasingly more perfect sign of the union between Christ and his Church. The love of Christ for his Church will be more profoundly manifested to the extent of which spouses possess the above characteristic features of conjugal love. And if these characteristic features, evident marks and necessities of conjugal love are non-existent, at least in the will, then love cannot truly be said to exist.

57 58

Ibid. p. 8 Humanae Vitae, n. 9 59 Gaudium et Spes, n. 50

41 With the above description, the question of the place of conjugal love in marriage now arises. But it is not far-fetched, for by the wisdom of the Holy Spirit, the Fathers of the Second Vatican Council tell us that while not making the other purposes of matrimony of less account, the true reason for conjugal love, and the whole meaning of the family life, which results from it, have this aim: that the couple be ready with short hears to co-operate with the love of the Creator and the Saviour, who through them enlarge and enrich His own family day by day.60 Along this line too, Germain Lesage makes an analysis of the concrete elements that make up the intimate conjugal partnership so as to place conjugal love in its proper place in marriage. Lesage says that intimate conjugal partnership is an oblatory love, which is not simply egoistic satisfaction but provides for the welfare and happiness of the partners. It involves respect for conjugal morality and the partners conscience in sexual relations, respective responsibility of the couple in providing for the material welfare of the home, moral and psychological responsibility in the generation of children, parental responsibility in the care for, love and education of children, mastery over irrational passions, impulses, or instincts, which would endanger conjugal life and harmony, gentleness and kindness of character objectivity and realism in evaluating the events and happenings that are part of conjugal or family life, and finally, lucidity in the choice and the determination of the goals or means to be jointly sought for by the couple.61 From this analysis of Lesage and the description of conjugal love above, we can fully appreciate the value and importance of conjugal love in marriage. For one thing, it becomes obviously clear that conjugal love cannot be divorced from marriage. Thus, the
60 61

Ibid. Benedict Etafo & Hilary O. Okeke, (eds.) Op. Cit., Pastoral Care of Marriage and Family in Nigeria by Rt. Rev. Dr. Anthony Gbuji, (Nigeria: Rex Charles & Patrick Ltd., 1993) p. 113

42 very first conclusion is that the proper place of conjugal love is in marriage. Since conjugal love permeates the whole facets of the married state, it cannot be tied down to any particular aspect of marriage. In fact, the success of any marriage depends on conjugal love. This fact is strengthened by the way the documents of the Second Vatican Council interchangeably used conjugal love and married love.62 C. REGULATION OF BIRTHS Married couples should regard it as their proper mission to transmit human life and to educate their children. Married people should realize that in their behaviour they may not simply follow their own fancy but must be ruled by conscience and conscience ought to be conformed to the law of God in the light of the teaching authority of the Church, which is the authentic interpreter of divine law. The Council realizes that married people are often hindered by certain situations in modern life from working out their married love harmoniously and that they can sometimes find themselves in a position where the number of children cannot be increased, at least for the time being63 The regulation of births has become an inevitable situation that parents trying to live out their responsibilities cannot but address. When we talk about the regulation of births, we mean that parents can, if they have to, determine how many and when they want to have children. That procreation is an essential aspect of marriage does not demand of married couple that they have as many children as possible.64 They are to exercise reason, considering their physical, social, economic, psychological situation/condition, in procreating. This is to avoid bringing forth offspring(s) that they cannot adequately take care of.

62 63

Cf. Gaudium et Spes & Humanae Vitae. Gaudium et Spes, nn. 50 & 51 64 Ronald Lawler, et al., The Teaching of Christ, (Bombay: St. Paul Publications, 1976) p. 330

43 But in trying to determine how many children to have and when to have them, married couple should take into account both their welfare and that of their children; those already born and those which may be foreseen. This will involve that they acknowledge their own state in life and their material and spiritual conditions of the times. Also to be consulted are the interests of the family group, temporal society and the Church.65 Humanae Vitae outlines the licit and illicit ways of birth regulation thus: I. LICIT WAYS OF BIRTH REGULATION If therefore there are reasonable grounds for spacing births, arising from the physical or psychological condition of husband or wife, or from external circumstances, the Church teaches then that married people may take advantage of the natural cycles immanent in the reproductive system and use their marriage at precisely those times that are infertile, and in this way control birth, a way, which does not in the least offend the moral principles, which we have just explained.66 Following from this, if for a grave reason, a married couple decides not to procreate, they may adopt a policy, which has two elements. First of all, they may abstain from sexual intercourse at times when conception is more likely or possible.67 By this abstinence at this material time, they do not act against the good of procreation. Secondly, they may engage in intercourse at other times of their choice, to express the faithfulness and experience the joy of their married love.68 The first element above entails a periodic continence or abstinence. This according to Paul VI requires a control of instinct by means of ones reason and free will. 69 This will enable the intrinsic meanings of conjugal life like the unitive and procreative, agree
65 66

Gaudium et Spes, n. 50 Humanae Vitae, n. 16 67 Ronald Lawler, et al., Op. Cit., pp. 330-331 68 Ibid. 69 Humanae Vitae, n. 21

44 together and with right order.70 Insofar as it is not the expression of a wrong attitude toward the good of procreation, the practice of periodic abstinence in regulating births is completely right and reasonable, and of real value of its own. It can avoid irresponsible procreation. It can also give a more humanly loving character to the relationship of man and wife. This in the view of the Second Vatican Council will foster the couples consideration for each other and thus facilitate their avoidance of excessive self-love, which in turn may profane their love for each other.71 Excessive self love is portrayed in the situation in which the man must always have his way anytime he wants sex without regard to the disposition of the wife. It can also express itself in the woman using sex as a weapon to get what she wants from the husband, in this situation; both begin to see each other as tools by which their individual needs are satisfied. It will only be a matter of time before their married love is eroded. Finally, such therapeutic means considered necessary to cure organic diseases, even though they also have a contraceptive effect, and this is foreseen provided that this contraceptive effect is not directly intended for any motive whatsoever72 are considered lawful in regulating births. At this juncture, the principle of double effect as a means of resolving a doubtful conscience comes into play. This principle refers to a single action with two effects; one positive and the other negative. It states that in as much as the negative effect is not directly intended, though foreseen, the action may be judged to be morally right.

70 71

Humanae Vitae, n. 2 & Guadium et Spes, n. 51 Cf. Gaudium et Spes, n. 47 72 Humanae Vitae, n. 15

45 It is worthwhile to quickly point out that there is more to this principle than just stating it. Namely, the fact that this principle is only valid on the grounds that the following four conditions are met: i. The one action with two effects is in itself morally right

ii. That the good or positive effect is not a result of the bad or negative effect iii. That both the good and the bad effects proceed immediately, at least equally directly from the single act itself iv. That there is a proportionately grave reason for the act. These four elements must be present not just one or two or even three of them, all the four must be present for this principle to be validly applicable. (II) a. ILLICIT WAYS OF BIRTH REGULATION DIRECT ABORTION: Using the first principle of human and Christian doctrine

of marriage as basis, the Church teaches that the direct intervention or interruption of the generative process already begun and, above all, direct abortion, even for therapeutic reasons, are to be absolutely excluded as lawful means of controlling the birth of children.73 Direct abortion for any reason whatsoever can never be justified. 74 Giving support to this statement, John Paul II says; I do not hesitate to proclaim before you and the world that all human life from the moment of conception and through all subsequent stages is sacred because human life is created in the image and likeness of God if a persons life is violated at the moment in which he is first conceived in his mothers womb, an indirect blow is struck at the whole moral order, which serves to ensure the inviolable goods of man. Among these goods, life occupies the first place. The Church defends the right to life, not only in respect to the

73 74

Ibid. n. 14 Congregation for the Doctrine of Faith, Declaration on Procured Abortion, Nov. 18, 1974

46 majesty of the Creator, who is the first Giver of life, but also in respect of the essential good of the human person.75 The Churchs consideration of abortion is so serious such that a formal participation in effective abortion by one in possession of the knowledge of the ecclesiastical sanctions attached to it incurs latae sententiae excommunication. (Can. 1398). b. DIRECT STERILIZATION: Equally condemned as illicit and unlawful by the

Church is direct sterilization either of the man or of the woman whether permanent or temporary76. Direct sterilization under any circumstances whatsoever, is objectively a mortal sin against God the Creator and the bodily integrity of the individual. 77 Direct sterilization is a condition in which couples may decide not to have any further children and to effect this decision undergo surgery in which the womb of the woman is blocked or totally removed and or the sperm duct of the man is tied up to avoid conception following sexual intercourse. c. CONTRACEPTION: All actions, which either in anticipation of the conjugal

act, or in its accomplishment, or in the development of its natural consequences, proposes, whether as a means or as an end, to render procreation impossible, is illicit.78 Thus the use of any forms of contraception be it pills, IUD, condoms, animistic withdrawal, gels, creams, sponges, etc. is objectively a grave sin.79 All acts therefore performed with the purpose of directly preventing conception should be excluded from Christian behaviour. Thus Gaudium et Spes n. 51 calls on all sons and daughters of the Church not to undertake methods of regulating births, which are found blameworthy by the Magisterium in its unfolding of the natural law.
75 76

Pope John Paul II, Homily at Washington Mall, 7/10/79 Humanae Vitae, n. 14 77 Fr. R. J. Rego, Op. Cit., p. 15 78 Humanae Vitae, n. 14 79 Gaudium et Spes, nn. 47-51

47 Speaking against illicit ways of regulating births, John Paul II says that the conjugal act signifies not only love, but also potential fecundity and therefore it cannot be deprived of its full and adequate significance by artificial means.80 He did not stop at this, he is quoted as saying that; Contraception alters the sexual act and makes it something other than a self-surrender. For the contracepting couple the sexual act is a lie. With conjugal love or procreation denied, the act no longer reflects Gods fruitful love.81 The Holy Father up-dates the doctrine taught by his predecessors by condemning test-tube baby, surrogate motherhood, and artificial insemination. He condemns these because they all reduce procreation to a mere biological laboratory act. They reduce sexuality to a mere biological function and selfish pleasure. And they render humans as machines and marriages useless.82 These illicit ways of regulating births or put in another way, artificial methods of birth control have their consequences or side effects. Prominent among these effects is the fact that they lead to marital infidelity and thus allow the lowering of moral standard in the society, thereby exposing the youths to temptations. Following from this is the fact too that women become mere objects or instruments for and of self-gratification for men. And of course, public authorities that care little or not for the precepts of moral order exploit them as incentives. d. RESPONSIBLE PARENTHOOD: The concept of responsible parenthood has

no doubt been flogged over and over again, but it can never be over flogged because that is

80 81

John Paul II, Reflections on Humanae Vitae, p. 33 R. M. Hogan & M. J. LeVoir, Covenant of Love, (New York: Image Books, 1986) p. 55 82 Ibid. p. 56

48 what this text is about. In this section, the concept shall be again considered from another perspective, namely; it shall be analyzed, strictly however, as presented in Humanae Vitae. The Church chooses the term responsible parenthood to designate the obligation and right of each couple to strike a balance between the enjoyment of the conjugal act and the rate of procreating; with consideration to the physical, social, and economic conditions in the family.83 Genesis 1:28 places on married couple, the duty of procreation, in fulfillment of this duty, they are to bear in mind that they must not bring forth children that they cannot take good care of and thus increase suffering on earth. It is within this context that the issue of spacing or regulating births comes in. There is a difference between mere reproduction and procreating. Reproduction is a characteristic of all living organism, plants and animals alike. It has to do with just bringing to being a new life like that of its parents or producer, if you like. The welfare of the new life is usually not the concern of the parents, they are not bordered whether or not they have the basic necessities they need for life, all that matters is to bring them forth. Procreation on the contrary has to do with bringing forth children, caring and nurturing them with and in love. It goes far beyond mere reproduction. It has both a vertical and horizontal dimension. It is a fulfillment of the purpose of human sexuality; it is a gift of God to humankind. Therefore, it is cooperation with God in carrying on the creative mission He started in the beginning. Horizontally, procreation first of all has to do with the responsibilities of the parents to the offspring. These include care, nurture, and education of the offspring. Secondly, it has to take into consideration the good and progress of the society or community into which the new life is born. This includes the immediate

83

Rev. Fr. C. U. Nwamiro, Op. Cit., p. 26

49 community, which is the family, and the broader community, which is the clan, village, town, and nation. While the Church is not against the regulation of birth, it however abhors the idea of artificial birth control. She conceives it as immoral and uses illicit means. She considers it thus because it goes against nature and most importantly disrupts Gods creation and design of human sexuality. It intervenes with the normal process of realizing the meaning and purpose of sexuality. And it distorts the human body for contraceptives are known to alter and negatively affect the human anatomy. The Church is not against family planning or Planned Parenthood in the proper understanding of the concepts. Paul VI states that responsible parenthood is exercised either by the deliberate and generous decisions made for grave motives and with due respect for the moral law, to avoid for the time being, or even for an indeterminate period, a new birth.84 From this statement of Paul VI, we can note some specific or operative elements, namely;

i.

To raise a numerous family the couple may choose to beget many children as it can care for. Choosing to beget or to raise a numerous family, provided the couple can care for them points to responsible parenthood in that it is part of the meaning and purpose of sexuality to procreate. Procreation is and remains one of the purposes of marriage, so the couple will only be fulfilling this purpose and meaning of sexuality and marriage if they generously decide to raise a numerous family that they can take care of.

84

Humanae Vitae, n. 10

50 ii. Deliberate and generous decision not imposed by any authority or decree. When one is compelled or forced to make a decision, one cannot be strictly held responsible for such a decision i.e. such a decision no longer becomes a human act; rather it becomes an act of man for which full responsibility cannot be claimed. Thus, a deliberate and generous decision, a decision free of compulsion is part and parcel of responsible parenthood. iii. For grave motives not just because the couple does not want the burden of nursing children but for something grave enough. Avoidance of a new birth comes only within the context of responsible parenthood, if such a decision is informed by a grave reason e.g. the physical health condition of the mother would not permit, or the psychological state of the present family would not allow for the care and nurture of the new life in the full sense. iv. Due respect for the moral law the moral law is not to remove life, nor go against nature, but to act according to proper reasoning and to save life. To negate the moral law is to go against nature and reason, which invariably means going against God the Creator of all. Thus, responsible parenthood is only responsible if it takes into account the moral law, which has its foundation in the natural law. v. To avoid a new birth the couple may choose to have less number of children, but not to decide to have no child at all. To decide not to have any child at all is to relegate to the background and in fact deny human sexuality. All the elements above, put together describe responsible parenthood. Note that it is not just one of them but all of them that make responsible parenthood.

51

CHAPTER FOUR TOWARDS RESPONSIBLE PARENTHOOD IN NIGERIA

A. CONJUGAL LOVE AND BIRTH REGULATION IN NIGERIA Nigeria is a nation besieged with political plaques, coupled with its marginalized economy that has polarized the nations populace into the few rich and the suffering many. It has become a society that has lost its grip on moral values. The social and moral climate leaves much to be desired. The society has become as permissive and pervasive that teenage sex is on a daily increase. Pre-marital sex is having a field-day. Extra-marital sex is fashionable. Consequently, divorce and separation are rampant, the occurrence of student and unmarried motherhood, along with single parenthood have become the order of the day.85 Most marriages are now going childless too. All these point to the state of conjugal love in the nation. Conjugal love has been abused and compromised by both the unmarried and the married. A massive break-down now stares right into the face of family life in the country. In addition to the above there is an inordinate drive for wealth in the nation today. What everybody now thinks of is making it over night. And for the vast majority, how you make it is irrelevant. After all, the leadership is corrupt even with all the talk of anticorruption campaign, so why not forget about the lawfulness or morality of the means employed in making it. This is what seems to be the mind set the average Nigeria today. This whole mentality has pushed a lot of Nigerian youths into immoral engagements all in the bid to make it. A good number of our girls in tertiary institutions,
85

Rev. Fr. C. U. Nwamiro, Op. Cit., p. 12

52 even secondary schools, have taken to full-time or part-time prostitution. Monday to Friday morning they are students, by Friday afternoon, all roads are leading to Abuja, Lagos, Port Harcourt, and else where, where it is happening. And come summer holidays, prostitution makes a good and lucrative vacation job for many of them. The boys are not left out as many married women, divorces, and widows, are out there scavenging for them with the readiness to spoil them silly with cash, so they too have taken to sugar mummies under the title of gigolo. The sugar mummies and daddies are more often than not married men and women who have compromised their conjugal fidelity in search for young blood. These laxities in sexual morality are possible because conjugal love has been reduced to mere erotic attraction. And in an age where its sex-run-loose, eroticism has been so gratified that it looks normal and a necessity. What about the various junk magazines and pornographic wall posters that stock the news stands all over the nation. Who knows how much more of Anita Hogans are out there waiting to be tapped. The numerous advertisements on radio and television that carry soft tunes of sex and film houses that now thrive on movies and tapes laden with erotic scenes of explosive sex. With this state of things, we would only be realistic to expect a higher rate of contraception and abortion. Even sterilization is not excluded from the list. The issue today is not whether to regulate birth or not, for this is a foregone conclusion. The reality is that there is population explosion, which threatens the continual existence of the nation. The state of affairs is immediately captured in the statement of one time Minister for Health, Professor Olikoye Ransome Kuti who insisted that child spacing is being pursued in the interest of Nigerians whether at this point in time, the population of Nigeria is 88.5 million or 120 million is of little significance more growth

53 and population momentum and the consequences of these on the national economy, health, education, social services, and above all on the quality of lives of Nigerians are what matter86 he said. But is this really true? One fact that is clear from studies done so far in the academia is that the hues and cries about population explosion and over-population arose by the data of economists and demographers, national and international.87 These data have in any case, been found faulty and deliberately infected with wrong information and genuine error, etc.88 One would not be wrong therefore to conclude that population explosion in Nigeria is rather a fiction, a propaganda from the West, which is not divorced of political sentiments. In relation to this, Ugorji asserts that population is not the problem of Nigeria; only that international propaganda has put it to her.89 Available facts and figures seem to vindicate his position. For instance, it is on record that Europe has an area of 10.5 million square kilometer and a population of 658 million, with a population density of 62 per square kilometer. Asia has an area of 44.3 million square kilometer, with 2,213 million people and 50 per square kilometer. And Africa is 30.3 million square kilometer with 364 million people and 12 per square kilometer. Africa obviously has a land mass, which is triple that of Europe but its population is just one quarter that of Europe. Then how come this talk about Africa being over-populated while there is a cry of fear of future extinct of Europe because of the low birth rate?90

86

S. Joseph & J. Nwokocha, Danger Ahead for Nigeria on Population Control with U. S. Aid, Sunday Vanguard, 10 May 1992 87 Rev. Fr. C. U. Nwamiro, Op. Cit., p. 41 88 Ibid. 89 L. I. Ugorji, The Nigerian Population Policy: An Economic-Ethical Evaluation, in Birgard Theological Studies, Vol. 8. No. 2, ((Nigeria: Birgard Memorial Seminary, Enugu) p. 18 90 Ibid.

54 It is a pity that Nigeria, as the whole of Africa is, has been bamboozled into a population policy of reductionism by all means.91 Otherwise, Nigerias problem is not population, thus the solution will not come from birth control, nay by artificial methods. Rather, the solution should be to undertake more meaningful developmental programmes. Unfortunately, Nigeria has imbibed the idea of population explosion and today, there is now talk about birth control. Unfortunately too, the means is largely artificial, thus, illicit and immoral from the Christian point of view. Contraception, abortion, and sterilization have become the chief means adopted in the birth control campaign in Nigeria. Our women folk are already indoctrinated with a certain way of thinking that birth control a.k.a. family planning is a must and contraceptives have been dogmatically prescribed as the miracle. In the event of a failure, abortion becomes the only alternative. The case is such that, while it is true that the women have no initial plan for abortion, at the end of the day, abortion becomes for them, the logical conclusion of birth control measures and they accept it without option. It is like this; if you want to avoid abortion, use contraceptives. The argument being that adequate provision of contraceptives will prevent unwanted pregnancies, thus, no need for abortion will arise. This line of thought simply makes abortion a necessity, in that, in the face of contraceptive failure, as it is often the case, abortion becomes the next thing.92 The consequence of a contraceptive culture is that the contracepting woman begins to equate success and happiness with the avoidance of children. She begins to see children as hindrances to her personal growth and development. In the face of conception while

91 92

Rev. Fr. C. U. Nwamiro, Op. Cit., p. 44 Dr. Paschal E. Nwose, Contraception and Abortion: A Doctors Experience, H. L. P. L. News, Vol. 4, No. 2, July Sept. 1993 p. 6

55 contracepting, a reaction of surprise, anger, and hatred for the expected child develops in the woman.93 Some time in 1992, Professor Ransome-Kuti, advocated for the sterilization of men since they have been less willing to use contraceptives than women in the country.94 This move by Ransome-Kuti shows how far the use of artificial means of regulating birth has gone in Nigeria. While I am not against the regulation of birth in the country, even though I do not quite still agree with the noise being made about population explosion, I want to categorically say that the means adopted in doing this at present is wrong. It goes against responsible parenthood, which calls for the use of natural methods i.e. natural family planning through the observation of rhythm in regulating births if the need be. This is because the latter affirms God and nature. B. RESPONSIBLE PARENTHOOD IN NIGERIA Responsible parenthood has been wrongly acclaimed by some families as the ability to give birth to the minimum number of children one can care for, using whatever measures to prevent a mass production. This is why many have appealed to the demands of responsible parenthood to justify artificial methods of regulating births. This is a wrong application of the concept of responsible parenthood. This misconception of responsible parenthood reduces a whole to a part. That is, it is taking the part of responsible parenthood that allows the regulation of birth for grave reasons only, to mean all of responsible parenthood. To do this amounts to compromising conjugal love and making allowances for moral/sexual laxity.
93 94

Ibid. Caution Over Sterilization, The Guardian, 2/9/92

56 Responsible parenthood surely is exercised by the deliberate and generous decision made for grave reasons/motives and with respect for moral law to avoid new births, either for the time being or permanently. It however does not involve the use of any measure whatsoever to prevent a mass production of children. This is because couples cannot just follow their own fancy in dealing with this matter. Using whatsoever measures to reduce the number of births is to legalize contraception and abortion. And these are illicit and immoral ways of regulating births. They are illicit and immoral because they intervene with the divine design of God and distort the work of nature. In creating the woman, God has implanted in her a natural cycle such that there are times when sexual intercourse leads to pregnancy and times when it does not. This is to help in the regulation of births when the physical, economic, psychological, and social conditions call for it. This involves a periodic abstinence from the sexual act. Hence, responsible parenthood calls for the exercise of will and reason over the tendencies of sexual instinct and passions. Another aspect of responsible parenthood that calls for evaluation within the Nigerian context has to do with the couples responsibility to save, protect, and promote the good of the offspring, that of the family community and that of the human society. Looking at the situation of most children in Nigeria today you cannot but sympathize with their plight. Along the streets, under the scourge of the mid-day sun, you see children under the ages of seven and ten with all sorts of items, foodstuff inclusive, hawking. This is child abuse! But the society seems to be responsible for this. The political and economic situation of the nation has eradicated the middle class. And a sharp dichotomy has been created between the few rich and the majority suffering

57 masses, such that the masses have to struggle tooth and nail for survival under the excruciating pain of poverty. This is what the capitalistic economy of our nation has plunged us into. In the name of nation building and search for speedy development, the poor masses of the nation are further tucked into the shackles of the exploitative capitalists in the name of privatization. Virtually all the sectors of our economy have been privatized yet services have not improved and some have become worse than they use to be. Thank God for our democracy that is running its eight consecutive year now, its dividends that so much noise have been made about is finding its way into the pockets of politicians and the masses are left to feed on what is falling from their table. With this kind of situation, many parents have no option but to explore all available avenues to have access to the means of survival; money. While the man will be struggling, the wife too is struggling and the children are made to contribute their own quota. The parents have the good intention to bring up their children responsibly with loving care, but the society seems to be militating against them. Thus, to save, protect, and promote the good of the offspring becomes a major problem for them. Todays Nigeria is rather permissive and this has its effects on the family life. Many parents these days allow their children do whatever they like. They do not seem to show concern over what their children do outside the home. This is not unconnected with the idea that we are in a free world. An idea imported from the American society and one that is steadily making parents lose grip on their children. The life style of many of our youths today points to this fact. While we blame the permissive society, we will also blame parents for not properly handling their children. If parents have a firm grip on their children, (I am not advocating

58 that parents become steel fisted but that does not mean that they spare the rod and spoil the child) teaching them to have respect for the moral values and order and esteem for virtue, the permissiveness of the society will be somewhat put in check. To save, protect, and promote the good of (i) the offspring, (ii) the family community, and (iii) the human society, parents are to first of all consider the number of children they want. This consideration should be informed by means available to them to properly love and nurture each child. Secondly, they are to distinguish between mere reproduction, which belongs to the level of animals and irrational beings and procreation, which belongs to humankind for it is both reproduction and caring for, in love and responsibility, the offspring. Thirdly, in all they do, they should always consider the effects it has on the society. Thus, they should do nothing against the common good. All these suggestions as simple as they sound may not be quite easy to put into practice. This is where I call on the couple to fall back on the Church; the sacrament of Gods presence among his people on earth. The Church in line with her mission of working for the salvation of the human person (Can. 1752) will always lead and direct humankind to Christ who is the way, the truth, and life. (John 14:6). Christ said; come to me all you who labour and are overburdened and I will give you rest. Shoulder my yoke and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls (Matthew 11:28-30). And ask and you shall receive (Matthew 7:7). Thus Christ is always ready to assist all his faithful in carrying their burdens of life. In this line therefore, to put into practice the demands of responsibility made on couples by parenthood, couples are called upon to avail themselves of this unique opportunity that Christ provides by turning to Christ. They will always find Christ in his

59 Church for the Church affords all the opportunity to encounter Christ in and through the sacraments. So, couples are advised to waste no time in following the instructions of the Church in their mission of responsible parenthood. In this way, they will not go astray. Considering the educational and catechetical aspects of these suggestions, we would immediately notice that they serve as practical examples and testimonies for all couples who sincerely strive to live out their responsibilities. Couples shall learn from these suggestions that they need not distort nature nor alter the design of God, less-a-lone, tamper with Gods creation the mothers womb before they can effectively practice the ideals of responsible parenthood. C. SUMMARY Responsible parenthood is the obligation and right of each couple to strike a balance between the enjoyment of the conjugal act and the rate of procreating; with consideration to the physical, social, and economic conditions in the family. It is a day-to-day decision by a couple in relation to the changing circumstances of marriage. And requires that couples bring into the world only those children they can care for and educate properly. In doing this, they are to be guided by conscience and not just a matter of their whims and caprices. Central to responsible parenthood is the issue of birth regulation. This has raised a lot of moral questions with regard to the methods to be used in birth regulation. Responsible parenthood advocates and teaches that couples should observe the natural rhythm in regulating birth and thus follow the design of God. But as it is today, artificial methods that involve the use of contraception, abortion, and sterilization are mostly adopted by couples in birth regulation.

60 The situation in Nigeria is not different. In Nigeria, political and economic situation have greatly made the society permissive and pervasive. Consequently, the level of

responsible parenthood in Nigeria is not impressive and leaves so much to be desired. On a conclusive note, I wish to maintain that the permissiveness of the Nigerian society though culpable to some extent, is not an excuse for couples to throw over board the demands of responsible parenthood. In fact, it is my candid opinion that how well Nigerian couples practice the ideals of responsible parenthood will determine how permissive the society will be. If children are taught to have respect for law and order at home they will not flout rules and regulations outside. If couples in conscience, choose to have fewer children that they can cater for properly then we would not be having scavenging children all about town, nor its attendant ill effects on the society. If married couples are able to exercise their will and reason over their tendencies of sexual instincts and passions, they will have respect for conjugal fidelity and sexual morality will be enhanced in the society, because a lot of the laxity with regards to sexual matters among our youths these days are not unconnected with what they see their parents do. Some parents have given their children the impression that the sexual urge cannot be put under control the way they make a show of love play. Another error of modernism, one may say. Finally, if couples have respect for the conjugal act they will not give in to contraception, which will weaken their resistance against sexual passion. It is in the light of this that I advocate for sex education for our intending couples using a Christo-centric approach.

61

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BOOKS CUNNINGHAM, Francis O. P. (ed.): CURRAN, Charles E.: The Christian Life. Press. 1959. Dubuque: The Priory

Moral Theology: A Continuing Journey. London: University of Notre Dame Press 1982 Contraception: Authority and Decent. New York: Herder and Herder Inc. 1969

_______________________(ed.):

ETAFO, Benedict & OKEKE, Hilary O. (ed): Marriage and the Family in Nigeria. Nigeria: Rex Charles & Patrick Ltd. 1993. FLANNERY, Austin O. P. (ed): GOERGER, Donald. O. P.: GRATSEH, et al: GRIZEZ, G. & SHAW, R.: HARING, Bernard: HOGAN, R. M. & LEVOIR, M. J.: HOYT, Robert G. (ed.): JOHN PAUL II.: Vatican Council II. Vol. I & II. New York: Costello Publishing Co. 1982. The Sexual Celibate. New York: Image Books 1978. Principles of Catholic Theology. New York: Alba House, St. Paul Press. Beyond the New Morality. University of Notre Dame Press. London:

Free and Faithful in Christ. Vol. I Britain: St. Paul Publications. 1978. Covenant of Love. New York: Image Books. 1986. The Birth Control Debate. Missouri: National Catholic Reporter. 1968. Reflections on Humane Vitae. U. S. A. Boston, MA: Daughters of St. Paul. 1984.

LAWLER, Ronald; WUERL, W. Donald & LAWLER, Thomas Comer ford: The Teaching of Christ. Bombay: St. Paul Publications. 1976.

62 LOWERY, Daniel L. C. Ss. R.: Following Christ, A Handbook of Catholic Moral Teaching, Missouri, U. S. A.: Liguori Publications. 1982. A Dictionary of Christian Ethics. SCM Press. 1967. Love and Marriage in Africa. Longman Group Ltd. 1973. Britain: London:

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NWAMIRO, Charles U. Population Policy and Morality. Vol. I & II Nigeria: Assumpta Press. 1992. OBI, Nicholas N. This Odd World. Spotlighting Nigerias Blindspots. Lagos, Nigeria: Joe en Jude Prints. 1987. Salvific Invitation and Loving Response: The Fundamental Christian Dialogue. Manila: Loyola School of Theology. 1989 African Systems of Kinship and Marriage. London: Oxford University Press. 1950 New Trends in Moral Theology. New York: Newman Press. 1971. The True Meaning of Love. U. S. A.: The Leaflet Missal Co. 1990.

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DOCUMENTS AND LECTURE NOTES Propaganda Fidei. ______________________: MOZIA, Michael I: Declaration on Procured Abortion. 18 Nov. 1974. Instruction on Respect for Human Life in its Origin and on the Dignity of Procreation. Law. Lecture Notes in Moral Theology. Ibadan: Ss Peter and Paul Seminary, Bodija. 1992. Homily at Washington Mall. 7 Oct. 1979 Encyclical Letter on the Regulation of Births Humanae Vitae. July 1968.

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ARTICLES ADEKOYA, Lawrence: AGBESE, Dan: GBUJI, Anthony: Nigerian Update. Human Life International Reports. July 1992 Eye of the Storm. Magazine. 29 Feb. 1988 In News Watch

Pastoral Care of Marriage and Family Life in Nigeria In Marriage and Family in Nigeria. Nigerian Canon Law Series, No. 2. Nigeria: Rex Charles & Patrick Ltd. 1993. Danger Ahead for Nigeria on Population Control with U.S. Aid In Sunday Vanguard. 10 May 1992. Contraception and Abortion: A Doctors Experience. In Human Life Protection League News. Vol. 4, No. 2. July-Sept. 1993 Population, Marriage, and the Family in Nigeria. In Marriage and the Family in Nigeria. Nigerian Canon Law Series No. 2. Nigeria: Rex Charles & Patrick Ltd. 1993. Caution Over Sterilization. 2 Sept. 1992 The Nigerian Population Policy: An Economic-Ethical Evaluation. In Birgard Theological Studies. Vol. 8, No. 2

JOSEPH, S. & NWOKOCHA, J.:

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