Interaction between Men and Women on the Internet Some Guidelines by: Sheikh Salman al-Oadah

There are many interactive forums on the Internet, including chat sites and online communities. We need to address the critical question of how Muslim men and women should conduct themselves when they come into contact with one another while participating in these forums.

The following guidelines should be observed by Muslim men and women when interacting with one another on the Internet:

1. Never display photographs under any circumstances.

To start with, photographs are simply not necessary. The written word is more than sufficient. We must also appreciate how photographs can become a great opportunity for Satan to tempt people and make their foul deeds seem fair to them.

Some people might consider such caution misplaced. However, those who understand how people are seduced and tempted and who have experience in dealing with these problems, know that nothing is far-fetched. Moreover, some people who have a sickness in their hearts manage to deceive themselves and others that something which is completely wrong is instead something that is good and that is motivated by the sincerest and noblest intentions.

2. Use typing and avoid audible means of communication.

If, for some reason, using audible media becomes necessary, then we must adhere to Allah's command: Be not too complaisant of speech, lest one in whose heart is a disease should be moved with desire; but speak a speech that is just. [ Srah al-Ahzb : 32]

This verse was revealed concerning the wives of the Prophet (peace be upon him). If this was the case for them, we can appreciate how much more it must apply to us. Moreover, that was during the time of the Prophet (peace be upon him) while we are living in the age of permissiveness and promiscuity.

3. Maintain a serious tone and focus in conversation.

We must not get involved in talking at length about things that are unnecessary and unjustified. In truth, many people get a thrill out of merely speaking with the opposite sex, regardless of what the subject might be. Some men just like to hear a pretty voice. Likewise, since women are indeed the full sisters of men, they also find pleasure in speaking with men.

Our tone should be serious. We should avoid all that is superfluous and frivolous.

4. Remain vigilant at all times.

Those who we meet on the Internet are, for the most part, apparitions. Men come online posturing as women and women often misrepresent themselves as men. Then, there are so many things we do not know about the other person. What is his ideology? What is his background? What country is he from? What is his line of work? What are his real intentions? All of these things are unknown.

I wish to call the attention of our honored sisters to the dangers that experience has shown us to be ever present in these situations. Many young women are quick to believe what others tell them and are very susceptible to sweet words. Such people are easy victims for the predator who lays out his trap. One moment, he is a sincere advisor, another the victim crying out for someone to save him, then he is the lonely man looking for someone with whom to share the rest of his life, the next moment he is the sick man looking for a cure

5. Muslim women who work with the Internet should keep in close contact with one another.

They need to develop strong channels of communication so they can lend a degree of support to each other in this important and possibly dangerous field of endeavor. They need to cooperate closely and share their experiences and expertise. A person standing alone is weak, but standing with others she is strong.

Allah says: By time! Surely the human being is at loss. Except for those who have faith and do righteous deeds and exhort one another to truth and exhort one another to patience. [ Srah al`Asr ]

Ab Mulaykah al-Drim narrates: It was the practice among the Prophet's Companions, that if two of them met, they would not depart from one another without one of them reading Srah al-`Asr to the other. Then one of them would greet the other with peace. [ al-Mu`jam al-Awsat (5120) and Shu`ab al-m n (9057)]

I also advise our Muslim sisters to focus most of their attention and their efforts on calling other women to Islam and enjoining them to righteousness. They should use this valuable medium to assist and serve their sisters and to reform them. This should be done indirectly, subtly, and with wisdom. Too direct an approach, when giving advice, often causes the other party to become angry, confrontational, and obstinate. This is because the person giving advice comes off as seeming highhanded and arrogant, while the one being advised feels shamed and belittled. Therefore, be gentle in your choice of words, good-natured, attentive, and forbearing. This makes the receiving party more conductive to receiving your advice and less likely to spurn it.

Evidence Prohibiting of Mixing of Men and Women 1 Hope this helps inshaAllah, Fares

IslamQA Sheikh Salih Al-Munajjid Praise be to Allaah.

The meeting together, mixing, and intermingling of men and women in one place, the crowding of them together, and the revealing and exposure of women to men are prohibited by the Law of Islam (Shari'ah). These acts are prohibited because they are among the causes for fitnah (temptation or trial which implies evil consequences), the arousing of desires, and the committing of indecency and wrongdoing. Among the many proofs of prohibition of the meeting and mixing of men and women in the Qur?aan and Sunnah are:

Verse No. 53 of Surat al-Ahzab, or the Confederates (Interpretation of the meaning); "...for anything ye want, ask them from before a screen: that makes for greater purity for your hearts and for theirs..."

In explaining this Verse, Ibn Kathir (May Allaah have mercy on him) said: "Meaning, as I forbade you to enter their rooms, I forbid you to look at them at all. If one wants to take something from a woman, one should do so without looking at her. If one wants to ask a woman for something, the same has to be done from behind a screen."

The Prophet (May peace and blessings be upon him) enforced separation of men and women even at Allaah?s most revered and preferred place, the mosque. This was accomplished via the separation of the women?s rows from the men?s; men were asked to stay in the mosque after completion of the obligatory prayer so that women will have enough time to leave the mosque; and, a special door was assigned to women. Evidence of the foregoing are:

Umm Salamah (May Allah be pleased with her) said that after Allah?s Messenger (May peace and blessings be upon him) said "as-Salamu ?Alaykum wa Rahmatullah? twice announcing the end of prayer, women would stand up and leave. He would stay for a while before leaving. Ibn Shihab said

that he thought that the staying of the Prophet (May peace and blessings be upon him) was in order for the women to be able to leave before the men who wanted to depart." Narrated by al-Bukhari under No. 793.

Abu Dawood under No. 876 narrates the same hadith in Kitab al-Salaat under the title "Insiraaf anNisaa? Qabl al-Rijaal min al-Salaah" (Departure of Women before Men after the Prayer). Ibn ?Umar said that Allah?s Messenger (May peace and blessings be upon him) said: "We should leave this door (of the mosque) for women." Naafi? said: "Ibn ?Umar never again entered through that door until he died." Narrated by Abu Dawood under No. 484 in "Kitab as-Salah" under the Chapter entitled: "atTashdid fi Thalik".

Abu Hurayrah said that the Prophet (May peace and blessings be upon him) said: ""The best of the men?s rows is the first and the worst is the last, and the best of the women?s rows is the last and the worst in the first." Narrated by Muslim under No. 664.

This is the greatest evidence that the Law of Islam (Shari'ah) forbids meeting and mixing of men and women. The farther the men are from the women?s rows, the better, and vice versa.

If these procedures and precautions were prescribed and adhered to in a mosque, which is a pure place of worship where people are as far away as they ever are from the arousal of desire and temptation, then no doubt the same procedures need to be followed even more rigorously at other places.

Abu Usayd al-Ansari narrated that he heard Allah?s Messenger (May peace and blessings be upon him) say to the women on his way out of the mosque when he saw men and women mixing together on their way home: ?Give way (i.e., walk to the sides) as it is not appropriate for you to walk in the middle the road.? Thereafter, women would walk so close to the wall that their dresses would get caught on it. Narrated by Abu Dawood in "Kitab al-Adab min Sunanihi, Chapter: Mashyu an-Nisa Ma? ar-Rijal fi atTariq."We know that the intermingling, mixing and crowding together of men and women is part of today?s unavoidable yet regrettable affliction in most places, such as markets, hospitals, colleges, etc., but:

? We will not willfully choose or accept mixing and crowding, particularly in religious classes and council meetings in Islamic Centers.

? We take precautions to avoid meeting and mixing of men and women as much as possible while at the same time achieving desired goals and objectives. This result can be achieved by designating separate places assigned for men and women, using different doors for each, utilizing modern means of communication such as microphones, video recorders etc., and expediting efforts to have enough female teachers to teach women, etc.

? We show fear of Allaah as much as we can by not looking at members of the opposite sex and by applying self-restraint.

There follow some of the results of a study on mixing undertaken by some Muslim social science researchers.

When we put the following question: What is the Islamic ruling on mixing as far as you know? The results were as follows:

76% of respondents said ?It is not permitted.?

12% said, ?It is permitted? ? but moral, religious, etc. restrictions apply?

12% said, ?I don?t know.?

Which would you choose?

If you had the choice between working in a mixed workplace and working in another where there was no mixing, which would you choose?

The responses to this question were as follows:

76% would choose the workplace where there was no mixing.

9% preferred the mixed workplace.

15% would accept any workplace which suited their specialties, regardless of whether it was mixed or not.

Very embarrassing