"The Time I KllLed HIYMotor" a story bY Ronald M.

HaYbron

- 1f removed the outboard notor from my sloop' clamped lt to a decrepit oLd sawhoree whlch norrnally supports of the stern of my canoe, dild ran lt in a garbage can half full water. We had Just returrred from a holiday at the Eea' and I perforrned this operation to wash the salt water from the portion Yesterday, o f t h e n o to r w h l ch l s w a te r-cooled, which in this model Is Just the lower J.eg. The engine ltseLf is air-cooLed, but the lnstructlon after use ln the nanuel warns the owner to conduct such a flushlng oceanr a.nd wlth the previous experience I have had, I gnrdgingly undertook the task. Actual-ly, f do this sort of thlng in the of a ritual splrit rather than as an act of rnaintalnence. To ne, obllgationr ro it aLl snacks of a noral rather than a practical doubt because I anthropormorphlze everything in slght anyrvay, AS a matter of faet, this tendency gets ne ln a lot of trouble wlth nechanical thlngs as I wIL1 presently explain. repl"aced the The motor I was urlnlstering to in this splrit one that eame wlth the boat when I purchased itr used. This forner n o t o r w a g a 3 ,5 H .P . mo d e l made in 1966r and I kiLled lt laet year tirne that through neglect, When I put the boat ln for the flret season in June, the notor refoueed to do anythllrg at aLl ln spite untll my arn was ready of the fact that I yanked at the starter mood that a nlnor tuneto fal"l off, Convinced in an optirnistic I was ehocked by the report of the up would set things to right, repairman. iust nothin' Lnelde that "M r . H a yb ro n r" h e sa l d r "ther efs motor that I even recogniael " The autopsyr &B thie service inspection turned out to be, revealed green goo in the polntsr whlte goo in the carburator, When these tragie syntoms were made and black goo in the cylinder. known to me, I knew, even in my rel-atlve ignorance of euch thlngs, that I had a vety slck motor on !4f harrdsr but I was hardJ.y prepared for the finaL pronouncement that the thlng was stone dead.

- 2me to beLleve that so much cou)-d go plece of twentleth-century vrrong wlth such a sturdy-looking technoS.ogy rnerely because a few trlviaL acts of rnaintalnence were overLooked. I had suspleloned that perhaps the notor would not mn quite so brLskLy as lt shoul-d tf I dld not change the sparkplug or drain the gas from the carburator for the winter lay-up, It le stlll hard for but al-though I was aw&re in some vague way that I was courttng 111 heaLth by my carelessness, f never for once lnaglned that the thing would up and dle outrlght. I had entertalned the generaL notlon that as long as one dld not perforn manlfestly destructive acts upon the nachlne, sunrive, lf not thrive. sadly Learrred. such as chopplng or shootlng lt, it wouLd Sueh, however, was not the caser 8s I

I haver &s f lndlcated earller, an unfortunate reaetlon to machlnery in general whlch produces in me the desire to reason with it or pray for it rather than work on it. I feel ilop-oFless natural-ly constralned from thrnstlng my fingers unlnvlted lnto the vitals and innards of another entity and in all rny Ilfe rve never actualLy been wel"l,-enough acqualnted with a maehine f so as to real-Iy feel at hone rumnaging through lt's innermost s e c r e t s . 0 f co u re e th e re a re pr actlcal llm lts to m y r etlcence s as I w111 shake the hand of even a totaL strangerr Bo will I adJust the bLade of a lawnmower. I have dined wlth persons whom f knew onLy sllght1y, and I am pretty nuch at ease addlng oil- or water or the Llke to ny automoblle. However, I do not go around undolng buttons or zippers e\ren on peopJ.e f know qulte welL wlthout extensLve lnvltatlons and assurances, and so I woul,d never dream of exposlng the valves or dlgging lnto the water punp of my ear wtthout belng asked. Thus, I am saddLed wlth a large and ongolng handlcap ln my dealings with the engines and motors ln my llfe. I have no doubt that it is thls feeLlng whleh naturaLLy incllnes ne to salIlng rather than power boating, and lt is onLy because of compeLLlng reasons that I wlll harbor even a snal-L motor on ny transom.

-3It night seen that the onJ.y effect the death of my notor had on me was a certaln amount of lnconvenlence and expens6, but that is only beeause I havenf t told the whole story. The utter fallure of the old notor on the shake-down crulse last June was in faet the eesentlaL factor ln producing in ne an aggravated and speetacular attack of boaters hysterics, a complaint aesoclated with, although dtstinct fron, the Blye slmdroner and an lnevitable forerunner of chronle sallors twiteh. Thls eondltion is derrlved fron exeessl-ve exposure to any boat, the caprlclousness of wl,nds and waters, and the unremittlng lnadequaey of aLl crew members in lnclude Jurnplng up in a smalL boat), protrudlng eyes' swelled velns in the sufferers neck and tenpLes, and a tendeney to froth at the corners of the mouth. A person given to such selzures (and nost boatere are hlghly suseptible ) nay be strlcken at al-moet any tirne, and can subsequently be coaxed back to fuIl health only by the totaL avotdence of aLt bodles of water larger than a wash-pall, r had not even intended to etart the notor that day. The expedltion wae devoted, at least ln my mlnd, to checklng out the sails and rlgglng for the Bumner season, and as such was not strictLy necessary except perhaps as punetuation to end an extended period of palntlng, varnlehlng, and pollsh!.ng. However, one flne day the work was at Last flnlshedr end ln the htgh spirits that aLways accompany the end of the sprlng fltting-outr r euggested to ny wife Alice that we go for a eall,. with very llttre ado, we Loaded the essentLals onboard, hooked up the trail-er to the car and d r o v e o f f e a st o n U .S . 8 7 , thr ough the.C,mish countr y of nor theastern 0h1o towards our destlnatlon, the Mosquito Lake Regervoir. Mosquito Lake is a long, n&mow lnpoundnent rtrnning north and south. Much of the shore-line is prlvately owned and r llke to launch from a renp at a snall rnarina Just south of Meeca , Ohio. This ls on the east bank of the lake and has the dlsadvantage to the sallor of provlding a Launch l-ocatlon to a very narrow charrnel evety sltuatLon. It's behavloral and down (a cornpeLllng epectacle manifestatlons

-l+whlch ls pamalLeL wlnds. Thls day wao no xceptlonl the wlnd was moderate, 5 to L0 knots and dead on-shore, right down the channeL. Our el.oop ls an 0'Day Day Sailor, and stepplng the mast and Launching is a slnpl-e-enough proeedure lf the wlnd is Llght or not too gusff, so in Less than E hal-f hour the boat was noored temporarily al.ong slde the flnger pler which seperatee the concrete launehing ramps, rigged and ready to go. This launch area is at the head of a snaLl channel as Irve renarked before whlch is perhaps one-hundred ftfty feet wlde and two hundred yarde long, opening dlrectly to the west. This namow paesage is even further constrieted by docks with perhaps twenty boats rnoored on either side. W were thus faced with an imposslble saiilng assignment and had inneadiate need of the outboard. Ae was previously establlshedr the motor dld not start. Thie ls said slrpLy enough, but the fact was a back-knottlngr &rn-wrenchlng wrestllng match with the unrespondlng contrlvence which left me pop-eyedr gaeping for breathr and al"ready ln the prellninary stages of boaters hysterlcs.Now a person wlse in the wa1rs of notorg might observe at thie polnt that lf an outboard doesn't etart tugglng ls a complete waste after two or three pu1Lsr then further of tine, but you show ne a person who has the strengttr of mind to reslst yanking his brains out on the wrong end of that rope and IrLl show you someone who doesn't scratch polson-ivy. At any ratet I huffed and tugged until I was exhausted. Now at this polnt, the onLy thing to dor aside from abandoning the entlre project, was to paddle out, but of course Just as I wa6 about to glve an order to that effectr Alice saidr"Why donrt we Just paddle out?" and so I was instantl,y forced to cone up wlth the rnrnbLed excuse that the wind was too strong and that we would therefore kedge out. Kedglng wlth a llght anchor, euch as the seven pound Danforth the anchor as far as I use, ls accompllshed elnply by fllnglng posslble ln the direction one hope to proceed and then pulling the boat hand-over-hand up to where the mchor hae set lteeLf, there to hoist the anchor out and fLlng it again, Thls ie a if somewhat tedioue and ungainLy nethod wlth which So reliable, to the prevaiLing

-5propeLl a boat, ueeful to nove a dozen feet or so to shift an but not suited to J.ong trips. anchorage slightly, To kedge into the wind succeesfirllyr one mrst develope a rhythm so as not to Loose valuable distance in hoistlng up the anchor for the next caet. One pulls hand-over-hand with an ever lncreaslng epeed so as to smoothly build up the monentumearried by the boatr and Just as the craft glides over the anchor, lt is hoisted as rapld}y ae poselbler Brasped in the throwlng hand as it ernerges from the water, ans swung in a vertlcal irc to caste it ahead once again. Thie is Just the proeedure I fittowea that day at Mosquito Lake, but as I had never before had the occassion to perforn such a naneuver in waters with a rmddy bottornr I was qulte unprepared for the ehower of gooy black nud which was spreyed over the boat, ALice, and qreelf when f jerked the anchor fron the water, gave it a swing and threw it ahead, As I stood therer rooted to the fore-deck by amazementand chagrlnr and utterly begrlmed wlth the lake-bottom ooaer I knew that Aliee
w o u l d s E V r a s sh e d i d r" S e e r w shouLd have paddledl" Thle salJ-y snapped me fron the paraLysis of shock whlch had irnmobillzed me momentarlaly and in a slLent fury I grappled the boat along the anchor Line, ripped the anchor from the Lake and once again spattered the boat, captalnr and crew wlth the noxious gnrel as I nradLy flung the whoLe affalr into the water once more. The second baptisn of mud served to bring me to my senses for the moment, and so through elenched teethr I dlrected ALlce to break out the paddLes whlle I stowed the anehor. Under the clrcumstances, thls l-atter operatlon conslsted of dunrping the anchor, chaln, rmrd and aLl in a J.oathsomer Leaklng heap on the foredeek after the current piLoting to awalt more elaborate attentlons probLems had resoLved theneelves, Frorn the tlme the anchor was broken loose fron the mud for the I was prepared to man my paddLer an unexpectedly last tlne untll Long lnterval" had elapeed, ALlce had been viewi.ng ny perfornance lnstead of noting the reLatlve position of the boat and Bo It was not until I settLed ryself to commencepaddling that elther of us notlced that the wlnd had set us lnto the boate moored aLong the left bank of the channel-, Just as I J-ooked upr we bounced off the stern of a cabin cruiser wlth a resounding thunp and became at onee entangLed in the noorlng lines which affixed the stern

- 6of this craft to the short, low dock on ltts port beam. Now I have never been ln the navy nor sklppered anythlng l"arger than rry sloop, but I am fuJ.l-y aware that a colllslon, however smaLL, represents the nadlr of the boaters skilL. ALl the rules and Laws of the sea are designed specificaLLy to prevent coL}lslonsr indeed, there ls onJ-y orre sln of boatlng and that is to strlke another craft. All other behavier, no matter how outquarter landlsh or unseeml1f, can be lumped under the headinge of fooLlshness or poor taste, but thumplng and crashing are definite no-no't,l Thus, the last ehred of rry self eontrol was destroyed with thls vlsible denonstration of ineptitude and I literally danced wlth rage and frustration, barking meaning}ess ordere, and accuslng Allce of rnarlne sabotage and high treason. This remarkable and strenuous performance continued itseLf untiL l was not only exhausted but verglng on total coll,apse and convlneed that I was havlng a heart attackr along with a cerebreaL hemmorner and perhaps the sudden onset of a brain tumor. I layed in a tangle on one of the boat seats for severaL rnlnates wheezing and gasping whiJ,e Alice averted her gaze in the manner of a bystander trXrlng not to stare at the vlctun of an accident. At last, some of rry strength began to return to ry body positlon, and I heaved myseLf to a sittlng ft was then that Allce s a l d r "I d on 't l l ke to b rl n g thio up, but you dr opped your paddJ .e overboardr" and sure enough, there was r{f paddJ,e, floatlng serenely ln mld-channel. carried me right over from the boaterrs hysterles to the twltch and I sat, slumped and resignedr while Alice over to the paddle dove cleanly lnto the waterl stroked efficlently and towed lt baek. I had kiLled n4r motorr but ln the way these things go, lt had very nearly gotten me back. This last

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