A REPORT FROM FAMILY SCHOLARS Why Marriage Matters Twenty One Conclusions from the Social Sciences 1.

Marriage increases the likelihood that fathers have good relationships with their children 2. Cohabitation is not the functional equivalent of marriage 3. Growing up outside an intact marriage increases the likelihood that children will themselves divorce or become unwed parents. 4. Marriage is a virtually universal human institution. 5. Divorce and unmarried childbearing increase poverty for both children and mothers. Research has consistently shown that both divorce and unmarried childbearing increase the economic vulnerability of both children and mothers. 6. Married couples seem to build more wealth on average than singles or cohabiting couples. 7.Married men earn more money than do single men with similar education and job histories. 8. Parental divorce (or failure to marry) appears to increase children's risk of school failure. 9. Parental divorce reduces the likelihood that children will graduate from college and achieve high-status jobs 10. Children who live with their own two married parents en-joy better physical health on average, than do children in other fancily forms. 11 . Parental marriage is associated with a sharply lower risk of infant mortality 12.Marriage is associated with reduced rates of alcohol and substance abuse for both adults and teens 13.13. Married people especially married men have longer life expectancies than do otherwise similar singles. 14.Marriage is associated with better health and lower rates of injury, illness and disability for both men and women. 15.Children whose parents divorce have higher rates of psychological distress and mental illness. 16.Divorce appears significantly to increase the risk of suicide. 17. Married mothers have lower rates of depression than do single or cohabiting mothers. 18.Boys raised in single-parent families are more likely to engage in Marriage appears to reduce the risk that adults will be either perpetrators or victims of crime. 20.Married women appear to have a lower risk of experiencing domestic violence than do cohabiting or dating women. 21 . A child who is not living with his or her own two married parents is at greater rise of child abuse.

Institute for American Values 1 841 Broadway, Suite 21 1 New York, NY l 0023 What does the Bible say about men and women's role in the marriage relationship? The Man's Role You are the head of the home. Your wife is a product of your leadership. Do not be bitter against her. Colossians 3 :1 9 Husbands, love your wives (be affectionate and sympathetic with theme and do not be harsh or bitter or resentful toward them. AMP God made women to be emotional. Rule your home by an intelligent understanding of your role, your wife's needs and the proper direction for your family. This will enable your home to become more spiritual. 1 Peter 3 :7 In the same way you married men should live considerately with (your divest, with an intelligent recognition (of the marriage relation), honoring the woman as (physically) the weaker, but (realizing that you) are joint heirs of the grace (God's unmerited favor) of life, in order that your prayers may not be hindered and cut off (Otherwise you cannot pray effectively.) AMP The Man's Role - continued You should love your wife much like Christ loved the Church. He gave himself for the church. You should give yourself to your wife and the children you bring into this world. Do not be selfish about your desires and neglect the needs and desires of your family. Ephesians 5:25-31 25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her, 26 So that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the Word, 27 That He might present the church to Himself in glorious splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such things (that she might be holy and faultless). 28 Even so husbands should love their wives as (being in a sensed their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself 29 For no man ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and carefully Protects and cherishes it, as Christ does the church, 30 Because we are members (parts) of His body. 31 For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall be joined to his wife and the two shall become one-flesh. AMP

The Woman's Role Part of your service to God is that you submit yourself to your husband's judgments, recognizing him as the head of the home. Ephesians 5:22-24 22 Wives, be subject (be submissive and adapt yourselves) to your own husbands as (a serviced to the Lord- 23 For the husband is head of the wife as Christ is the Head of the church, Himself the Savior (His body.

24 As the church is subject to Christ, so let Wives also be subject in everything to their husbands. AMP Love and respect your husband as the Bible teaches. Ephesians 5:33 . . . and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband (that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly) AMP Submit to your own husband giving more attention to your behavior and attitude than to your outward appearance. Genuinely love and admire your husband and let him help you curb your emotions so that you do not disqualify yourself spiritually Submit also means "to become dependent'' Your insistence on your "independence" can destroy your marriage and distance your children from you as they grow older. Your emotions have a very valuable role in the home, but if you cannot trust your husband's judgment, those same emotions can destroy your relationship with your husband your children your church and society in general and thus disqualify you to be called "Sarah's daughters.'' l Peter 3 : l -6 3:1 IN LIKE manner you married women, be submissive to your own husbands "subordinate yourselves as being secondary to and dependent on them, and adapt yourselves to theme), so that even if any do not obey the Word of God), they may be won over not by discussion but by the (godly) lives of their wives, 2 When they observe the pure and modest way in which you conduct yourselves, together with your reverence (for your husband; you are to feel for him all that reverence includes: to respect, defer to, revere him - to honor, esteem, appreciate, Prize, and, in the human sense, to adore him, that is, to admire, praise, be devoted to, deeply love and enjoy your husbands). 3 Let not yours be the (merely) external adorning with (elaborate) interweaving and knotting of the hair, the wearing of jewelry, or changes of clothes; 4 Rut let it be the inward adorning and beauty of the hidden Person of the heart, with the incorruptible and unfading charm of a gentle and peaceful spirit, which (is not anxious or wrought up, but! is very precious in the sight of God- 5 For it was thus that the pious women of old who hoped in God were (accustomed) to beautify themselves and were submissive to their husbands (adapting themselves to them as themselves secondary and dependent upon theme. 6 It was thus that Sarah obeyed Abraham (following his guidance and acknowledging his headship over her by) calling him lord (master, leader, authority). And you are now her true daughters if you do right and let nothing terrify you (not giving way to hysterical fears or letting anxieties unnerve you). AMP Failure to remember your proper role in the home will cause serious spiritual consequences. Titus 2:3-5 3 Bid the older women similarly to be reverent and devout in their deportment as becomes those engaged in sacred service, not slanderers or slaves to drink. They are to give good counsel and be teachers of what is right and noble 4 So that they will wisely train the young women to be sane and sober of mind (temperate, disciplined) and to love their husbands and their children, 5 To be selfcontrolled, chaste, homemakers, good-natured (kindhearted), adapting and subordinating themselves to their husbands, that the word of God may not be exposed to reproach (blasphemed or discredited). AMP Neglecting your proper role in the home hinders the testimony of the Church in the community. l Timothy 5 : I 4 So I would have younger (widows) marry, bear children guide the household, (and) not give opponents of the faith occasion for slander or reproach. AMP

Building your marriage Studies show that it takes about three weeks to form a new habit. Read all these verses and see if there are any areas in which you need to improve. Determine to correct each area of weakness, growing together in love to become more like Jesus.

Hebrews 13 :4 Let marriage be held in honor (esteemed worthy, precious, of great price, and especially dear) in all things. And thus let the marriage bed be undefiled (kept undishonored); for God will judge and punish the unchaste (all guilty of sexual viced and adulterous. AMP .

Psa 68:6 God septets the solitary in families: he bringeth out those which are bound with chains: but the rebellious dwell in a dry land.

SEVEN BASIC NEEDS OF A HUSBAND 1. A HUSBAND NEEDS A WIFE WHO RESPECTS HIM AS A MAN How does a wife destroy her husband's manliness? A. By expecting Mm to know what protection you need B. By being financially independent. C. By greater loyalty to outside leadership D. By resisting his decisions in your spirit E. By resisting Ms physical affection F. By taking matters into your own hands 2. A HUSBAND NEEDS A WIFE WHO ACCEPTS HIM AS A LEADER AND BELIEVES IN HIS GOD-GIVEN RESPONSIBILITIES. A. Reassurance that his authority comes from God. B. Confidence that God is working through him. C. Loyalty to him when mistakes are made and pressures increase. D. Admiration for leadership on a larger basis (Psa 15) E. Praise for any qualities of a. church leader (1 Tim 3:2-8) F. Encouragement not to give up God-given goals. H. Enthusiasm for Ms achievements. I. 3. A. B. C. Attentiveness when he is talking. A HUSBAND NEEDS A WIFE WHO WILL CONTINUE TO DEVELOP INWARD AND OUTWARD BEAUTY Hair: symbol of being un|er my husband's authority (1Cor 11:10) Dress: Symbol of a husband's tastes, standards and provision. Care of clothes: The symbol of your gratefulness.

D. Home: The symbol of a husband's wisdom provision, and protection.. E. Weight: The symbol of a husband's leadership and self-control. F. A meek and quiet spirit: The basis of a wife's beauty (1Pet 3:1-8) G. Poise: The symbol of a. husband's training A HUSBAND NEEDS A WIFE WHO CAN LOVINGLY APPEALTO HIM WHEN HE IS GOING BEYOND HIS LIMITATIONS, AND WISELY RESPOND TO THOSE WHO QUESTION HIS IDEAS, GOALS, AND MOTIVES. A HUSBAND NEEDS QUALITY TIME TO BE ALONE WITII HIMSELF AND GOD. A. God made man to be in fellowship with (him first.) B. The richer a man's fellowship with God the sweeter a man's fellowship will be with his wife. C. Every man needs his Bethel. D. A man's desire to be alone is Rot a rejection of his wife. E. Every man must bear his own burden (GaI 6:5). F. Do not assume you caused Ms burden or that you are responsible for removing it. A HUSBAND NEEDS A WIFE WHO IS GRATEFUL FOR WHAT HE HAS DONE AND IS DOING FOR HER A. Giving all your expectations to God (Pea 62:5) B. Learning contentment with Godliness (1Tim 6:6) C. Listing what your husband is doing for you in order of their importance to you. D. Listing what your husband has wisely not done. E. Seeing how all things work together for good to those who love God and are the called according His purpose. A HUSBAND NEEDS A WIFE WHO WILL BE PRAISED BY OTHERS FOR HER CHARACTER AND HER GOOD WORKS. SEVEN BASIC NEEDS OF A WIFE 1. SHE NEEDS THE STABILITY AND DIRECTION OF A SPIRITUAL LEADER A. A desire to seek God B. Convictions based on Scripture. C. Determination to follow your convictions. D. Love in all that you do. 2. SHE NEEDS TO KNOW SHE IS MEETING VITAL NEEDS IN YOUR LIFE AND WORK THAT NO OTHER WOMAN CAN MEET. List the needs that your wife is now meeting that no other woman can meet. A. She is the basis of your most important Iife-message--drawing others to Christ by illustrating how Christ loves the church. B. She provides the potential for power in your prayers (1Pet 3:7). C. She is an alarm system against other women with wrong motives. D. She is a mirror of your present spiritual condition. E. She can give you the joy of a physical relationship without guilt (Pro 5:19-20) F. She is a safeguard to your hasty decisions. G. Sloe instills right attitudes into the children. H. She discerns the real needs of the children. 3. SHE NEEDS TO SEE AND HEAR THAT YOU CHERISH HEK AND THAT YOU DELIGHT IN HER AS A PERSON A. To cherish your wife is to see great value in her as a person that you want to protect and praise to others. .B. She needs to hear you rehearse the character qualities personality traits and family qualities that attracted you to her, and (be evidences of God leading that brought you together. 4. SHE NEEDS TO KNOW THAT YOU UNDERSTAND HER BY PROTECTING HER IN AREAS OF LIMITATION A. Every wife has a deep need to be understood. Most men think they understand their wives but they do not. B. Basic to understanding your wife is knowing that she wants boundaries that come

by concern for her, not neglect of her. C. She wants you to be aware of her spiritual, mental, emotional and physical strengths and weaknesses and to have the wisdom and courage to provide loving but firm direction, so that she will not fail by going beyond her limitation. 5. SHE NEEDS TO KNOW THAT YOIJ ENJOY SETTING ASIDE QUALITY TIME FOR INTIMATE CONVERSATION WITH HER A. Perhaps the most basic need of your wife is intimate communication. Intimate conversation is only possible when there is a oneness of spirit. This is a goal of marriage B. The key to intimate conversation ks having a regular time planned for it. Half of her enjoyment is in anticipating these times. C. The ultimate level of intimate conversation occurs when your wife trusts you with secrets of her deepest emotions. 6. SHE NEEDS TO KNOW THAT YOU ARE AWARE OF HER PRESENCE EVEN WHEN YOUR MIND IS ON OTHER MATTERS. A. Your awareness of your wife's presence is her assurance of your (eve and protection. B. She recalls with vivid detail your awareness of her presence and attentiveness to her needs before you were married, and she feels shut out and lonely if this is missing now. 7. SHE NEEDS TO SEE THAT YOU ARE MAKING INVESTMENTS IN HER LIFE THAT WILL EXPAND AND FULFILL HER WORLD. A. The major function of our head is to develop train and protect the rest of our body. so that our whole being is able to achieve its Mgbest and best purposes. In this same sense the husband is to be the head of the wife (Eph 5:23) B. Learn the spiritual talent of your wife and discern her progress in developing it. SEVEN BASIC NEEDS OF A CHILD Gen 18:19 For I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the LORB, to do justice and judgment; that the LORD may bring upon Abraham that which he hath spoken of him1. A COUPLE OF GODLY PARENTS WHO WILL RMSE THE CHILD TO BE A GOOD CHRISTIAN AND AN EXEMPLARY CITIZEN A. God seeks a Godly seed (Malachi 2:15-16). That requires two people working at it full time for some 20 years. B. A man or woman alone tends to be more a detriment to a family unit than help. But two together help build strong physical, spiritual, mental, emotional balances in the children. You must prepare them to face the difficulties of life. She discovered with great delight that one does not love one's children just because they are one's children but because of the friendship formed while raising them. -Marquez 2. GOOD EXAMPLES TO FOLLOW. THE CHILD NEEDS HEROES FOR A MENTOR, PARENTS FOR PROVISIONS OF LIFE, AND TEACHERS FOR GUIDANCE. A. It is easier and better to build boys than to repair men. B. Children are helped and harmed by the attitudes of those around them (James Dobson). C. A Godly value system should be instilled early, because there are differences the child must face which are difficult under peer pressure. 3. AN ADEQUATELY PROVIDED HOME WHERE THE CHILD CAN LEARN THE BASIC RESPONSIBILITIES OF LIFE. A. A place to learn discipline B. A place to learn responsibility C. A place to share life together and establish bonds that last a lifetime. 4. A GOOD SOCIAL ENVIRONMENT OF RELATIVES AND FRIENDS IN ORDER T() SHARE WITH AND PARTICIPATE IN THE LIVES OF OTHER PEOPLE A. Grandparents B. Relatives C. Outside relationships

(1) Business associates (2) Church Members (3) Social Acquaintances (4) Governmental Agencies 5. TRMMNG IN THE WAY THEY SHOIJLD GO SO THAT WHEN THEY ARE OLD THEY WILL NOT DEPART FROM IT. WHEN IS A CHILD "TRAINED?" A. When you have taught him to love the Lord with all Ms heart (Mark 12:30) B. When you have taught him to love his neighbor as himself (Mark 12:31) C When you have taught Mm to do the will of God (Psalm 143:10) D. When you have taught him to fear God and keep His commandments (Ecclesiastes 12:13) E. When he learns that the fruit of the Spirit is-self-control. (Galatians 5:22-23) F. When he learns to humble himself so he can be exalted. (Luke 14:11) 6. A MEANS OF DEVELOPING SKILLS TO PREPARE THE CHILD TO FIND HIS OR HER PLACE IN THE COMMUNITY AS A GOOD CITIZEN. A. The education process is for this purpose but the child needs to see his parents as teachers more than public school teachers. B. Jesus is our example. He learned the skill of carpentry and increased in wisdom and favor with God and man. C. The common denominator of successful men lies in the fact that they formed the habit of doing things that failures do not like to do. 7. A SENSIBLE AND BIBLICAL GUIDELINE IN DETERMINING THE LIFE-PARTNER OF THE CHILD. A. There needs to be adequate training in the home as teen-agers are growing up that prepare them for the pitfalls of temptation that must be met before marriage. B. Make sure your prospective mate can pass the checklist of requirements for a Godly partner. C. Do not be disillusioned by false belies about love.