B a r r i e S t a c e y

A T I C K E T T O T H E
C A R N I V A L
AUSTIN MACAULEY
Copyright Barrie Stacey
Cover design by Eric Souster
Cover photograph by Barry Hopkins
The right of Barrie Stacey to be identified as author of this work
has been asserted by him in accordance with section 77 and 78 of
the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act !88"
A## rights reser$ed" %o part of this pub#ication may be
reproduced, stored in a retrie$a# system, or transmitted in any
form or by any means, e#ectronic, mechanica#, photocopying,
recording, or otherwise, without the prior permission of the
pub#ishers"
Any person who commits any unauthori&ed act in re#ation to this
pub#ication may be #iab#e to crimina# prosecution and ci$i# c#aims
for damages"
A C'P cata#ogue record for this tit#e is
a$ai#ab#e from the British (ibrary"
ISBN 978 1 89!" 1"# 8
www"austinmacau#ey"com
)irst Pub#ished *+,+-
Austin . /acau#ey Pub#ishers (td"
+0 Canada S1uare
Canary 2harf
(ondon
34 0(B
Printed . Bound in 5reat Britain
$ckno%&edge'ents
6A(37'3 (33, for her ear#y he#p in researching and
compi#ing this book
B73%DA 528%92'(('A/S and P:'( P3%);(D
for their he#p and work in preparation
%3'(S 23%<3%S for his interest and good ad$ice
A%53(A 57A:A/9=;%3S for her e>tensi$e work
in the compi#ation and detai#ing
=;:% 5A7T(A%D for his editing of the work
C:7'ST;P:37 2AT37S for his ear#y he#p and
ad$ice
(ore%ord
By ?@3%T'% C7'SP
' am de#ighted at being asked to pro$ide a foreword for A
Ticket To The Carnival" 't is my opinion that e$eryone shou#d
write one book, and that this shou#d be the story of his #ife
because the on#y thing that any man has to offer the wor#d, that
no one e#se can gi$e, is himse#f"
'ndeed, this is the current trend in #iterature" At one time
fiction was more popu#ar than fact because readers hoped that
a no$e# might be more sensationa#" They were right then, but
now the age of discretion is past" There is no #onger anything
that cannot be said, but ha$e no fear" /r Stacey can be trusted
to te## a## in a manner that wi## entertain e$erybody whi#st
wounding no9one"
' first met him when ' began to fre1uent his coffee bar
named AThe As 8ou (ike 'tB" This estab#ishment was the #ast
outpost of the $ie de boheme which had once so co#ourfu##y
f#ourished in nearby Soho" 't was usua##y ca##ed AThe AsB by its
habituCs who were too #a&y to utter consecuti$e words at any
one time" They were most#y young peop#e who were about to
write a no$e# that wou#d shake the wor#d, or who had $ery
near#y been offered a part in a p#ay that wou#d run fore$er, or
whose paintings had a#most been accepted by a (ondon
ga##ery"
' was ama&ed to watch /r Stacey ser$e those customers
with scrupu#ous correctness whi#e, at the same time, scourging
them with the $a#our of his tongue" 5rammarians ha$e
forbidden us to describe anything as Amore uni1ueB, but at #east
we can safe#y say that /r Stacey was uni1ue in a way that was
spectacu#ar and ne$er fai#ing"
As time went by, he seemed to fee# that his bound#ess
energy was not being used to the fu##est e>tent by se##ing foodD
he took to trafficking in peop#e, though ' ha$e no doubt that he
found them as hard to hand#e and more perishab#e" ' became
part of his stock in trade and ingenuity in whisking me round
Britain to $arious pro$incia# theatres" ' came to regard him as a
most unusua# b#end of brisk efficiency and unobtrusi$e
kindness"
Because he is such an uncommon man, e$erybody who
knows him has his own, often repeated, Barrie Stacey story to
te##" %ow we sha## know how many of these ta#es are true"
?@3%T'% C7'SP
(ore%ord
By 7@SS3(( 57A%T
:a$ing read ?uentin CrispBs g#orious foreword in BarrieBs
book A Ticket To The Carnival, ' cannot possib#y compete nor
indeed emu#ate him, so ' sha## Eust be me"
Barrie is uni1ue" 'n fact, $ery uni1ue, the most uni1ue of
his genre" Some say he is one of the few British eccentrics" '
wou#d say most sure#y *he wou#d say, ADonBt ca## me Shir#eyFB-
and he is certain#y one of the few British entrepreneurs who
di#igent#y, honest#y, se#f#ess#y and constructi$e#y he#ps actors
young and o#d to p#y their trade, some say art" The art comes as
a resu#t of what trade they are p#ying and for whom, and that is
where /r Stacey comes in with ap#omb"
During the strange anti9c#ima> of the !7,s fo##owing the
c#ima> of the !G,s, Barrie kept so many peop#e in theatre
work by staging a## kinds of faerie ta#es" As this fine gent is a
combination of Bottom and ;beron, who e#se but he and his
own kind of )o# de 7o#s cou#d bring that kind of chi#dhood
magic to the stageH
' ha$e ne$er known dear Barrie to be depressed or down"
:e radiates an enthusiastic keenness in whate$er he does, #ike
a kind of /r /icawber in more ironic sense" :e offers
sympathy on#y when it is $ery necessary, he ne$er chastises or
sco#ds but makes you fee# the most important person he knows
e$en if you are on#y the fifth /unchkin on the right" Actua##y,
' was mayor of the /unchkins and doub#ed as the 2i&ard
himse#fD he a#ways starred me in the most interesting and
cha##enging of ro#es, #ifted by the into>icating music of Aman"
So to you a## ' say A:a##e#uEahFB for Barrie Stacey" A
good#y man, friend, boss and mother *he ca##ed us a##
daughters-, he has on#y e$er used his Scorpio powers in the
most serene and creati$e ways, ne$er to destroy"
' thank him on beha#f of myse#f and a## those who owe the
debt of gratitude that can on#y be paid in part by grabbing rare
opportunities #ike this to e>press #ife#ong thoughts in words"
7@SS3(( 57A%T
Chapt er 1
Anot her Recr ui t f or t he Rat - r ace
Se>, ' ha$e a#ways understood, is a three #etter word, #oose#y
trans#ated it means I A8ou, me and 2henHB But to a backward
teenager I ' wasnBt a##owed to read the News of the World unti#
' was three years o#d, it was something that the other chap
enEoyed" 't wasnBt on the schoo# curricu#um then, a#though
there were some snatches of it in the shower and more than a
hint on the footba## fie#d" A coup#e of wou#d9be A(o#itasB
f#aunted around the schoo# spreading the message, and this was
my first rea#isation of the truth in the c#aim that S3J is here to
stay" They rea##y had two things going for them e$en then,
these gent#e maidens, but it a## passed me by from where ' sat,
way back in the forties"
' do not propose to dwe## too much on where ' first
appeared and why" )or the first part it wou#d probab#y be $ery
boring, and second#y, ' can remember #itt#e about it anyway"
' was born in BournemouthD Boscombe to be precise, 1uite
near a #o$e#y o#d mo$ie house ca## AThe AstoriaB, where the
superb organist, 3na Baga, thumped her instrument for the
patrons for a decade, and the best seats were one shi##ing and
ninepence" 't was at a time when this #o$e#y resort was known
as AThe ?ueen of the SouthB, not on#y for the fine #ong
stretches of sandy beach, which are sure#y some of the finest in
3urope, but for the gorgeous scenery" 't is true that %e$i##e
:eath cut up a few wi##ing widows in the bushes at Branksome
Chine during (ent, but women were a#ways an unpredictab#y
funny bunch, and this incident did not dampen the enthusiasm
of the ho#iday makers" They poured into the town e$en more to
enEoy its many de#ights"
The town of Bournemouth was a#ways sty#ish, with
2esto$er 7oad $ery chic, and the hote#s a mecca for f#oo&ies
with ambition" Co#one#s with an insatiab#e appetite for a fruity
desert were to be seen in abundance, though the o#d story that
thereBs Amany a good tune to be p#ayed on an o#d fidd#eB is
perhaps open to doubt" So often a few strings were found to be
missingF
/y mother was a receptionist at the o#d 6a#e 7oya# :ote#,
which o$er#ooked the pier at Bournemouth" 't was a hoste#ry
that ran a coterie of chambermaids that wou#d ha$e de#ighted
Pau# 7aymond" /other mo$ed to nearby Christchurch when '
had forsaken ratt#es for something more erotic, and we stayed
in this #o$e#y o#d town famous for its Priory church and the
gent#e waters of the A$on" The <ingBs Arms :ote# was the
townBs pride and Eoy, and anyone who was anyone, on staying
their night in Christchurch wou#d put up at this e>ce##ent inn"
The #oca# sa#mon was superb, and the ;#d 3ng#ish tea rooms
by the Priory ser$ed e>ce##ent 3ar# 5rey tea and #arge
profitero#es oo&ing with the most de#icious fresh cream" They
were de$oured with re#ish by young parsons who took tea at
these rooms to get away from the choirboys"
' was the second baby to arri$e to Phy##is 7osa#ind Stacey"
The first was sti##born, and ' was therefore the no$e#ty I and
probab#y sti## am" )or a time ' enEoyed the attention and fuss of
being the first of a 1uartet" A first baby is something akin to a
first #o$er, an e$ent remembered #ife#ong"
/y mother was a 1uiet, sweet #ady, with a striking#y
beautifu# profi#e" She was $ery much in the 5#adys Cooper
mou#d, and in #ater years was not un#ike the Prime /inister of
today, /rs Thatcher, sa$e for the fact that she wou#d ne$er
ha$e #i$ed o$er a greengrocerBs shop" /other came from
Dorchester, where she started #ife with her sister, 7ene, who
did infinite#y better in the marriage stakes than my mother and
buried three husbands with great rapidity" This #eft her a
widow of substance" She was rea##y rather p#ain, and one
reca##s the words of wisdom mothers te## handsome sons I
#ook for the p#ain wife and enEoy a 1uiet #ife" 2e saw #itt#e of
7ene in our #i$es, and it was not unti# a#most the end of my
motherBs time on earth that she turned up out of the b#ue" /y
grandmother, on my motherBs side, was a ramrod of a woman,
ta## and erect as a co#one# at Sandhurst" She dec#ined to bring
up her two daughters at a##, and #i$ed to the ripe o#d age of
ninety9two, with the tradesmen fore$er in awe of her whip#ash
tongue and temper" ' ca##ed on her once when in my teens and
to#d the housekeeper my name" She came back to the front
door with much speed to announce that my grandmother wou#d
on#y see friends in the afternoon"
/other was brought up by her unc#e, a charming
gent#eman with a rotund face framed by si#$er whiskers" :e
doted on Phy##is, bringing her up #ike his own daughter"
/other enEoyed an idy##ic chi#dhood unti# poor unc#e was #eft a
widower, and mother #ost a de$oted friend" @nc#e was then
seduced by a di$orcee with e>pertise, who had a daughter the
same age as Phy##is, and 1uick#y ousted my poor mum and
insta##ed her own offspring as the fa$ourite of the house" /y
unc#e had #itt#e to say in the matter, and, after a coup#e of
seasons with this hag of a widow, kicked the bucket, and was
cremated without more ado" This #eft the A(ady in 7edB to
enEoy herse#f with the #oot unc#e #eft behind, pro$iding, as it
did, much more gi#t on her gingerbread" The merry widow was
#ast seen #ea$ing for :ong <ong in company with a $ery
dapper Army officer"
/y motherBs unc#e was mayor of Dorchester se$era# times"
:e was a dear man" /other suffered bad#y after his demise,
both with grief and the changed circumstances of her #ife"
)inding herse#f without an a##owance, she had Eoined the staff
of (#oyds Bank in the high street of Dorchester and #ater
mo$ed to the 6a#e 7oya# :ote# in Bournemouth" /other #o$ed
hote# #ife and a## that went with it" The AContinenta#B was a##
the rage, e$en if you had two #eft feet, and perhaps put Arthur
/urray on the road to fame and fortune" At that time Denise
7obbins, 3the# / De## and @rsu#a B#oom were the three
writers hea$i#y in fa$our" This ear#y dynamic trio ga$e the
chambermaids and shop gir#s e>act#y what they wantedK
romance with a capita# 7"
A#as, most of us are suckers for a pretty face, and mother
was no e>ception" /y father worked in a more #ow#y capacity
at the 6a#e 7oya#" Being a painter by trade and work being
s#ow, he took temporary Eobs whi#st waiting to wie#d the
paintbrush" This brought him to the hote# and Phy##is :awkins"
:e took one #ook at Phy##is, who was being courted by the
young and dashing heir to a grocery chain, and fe## mad#y in
#o$e, wooing her with a ferocity that wou#d ha$e astonished
Casano$a" /y mother was fascinated by this b#ond youth"
3dwin ;swa#d Stacey had a pa#e and freck#y comp#e>ion, with
staggering b#ue eyes and a wide, generous mouth" 2hether it
was fatherBs good #ooks or his motor cyc#e that made mother a
goner ' ne$er knew" But we a## know the charisma of that
machine I one has on#y to remember /ar#on Brando and 3$en
/arie Saint in The Wild Ones to recognise this"
2ith my father #ooking #ike a young (awrence of Arabia
and my mother a #itt#e #ike 5#adys Cooper in her teens, they
were, indeed, a fetching pair" /other was Eust as taken with
3dwin Stacey as he was with her" Perhaps it was no surprise to
the other staff when she #eft her Eob, prospects, fami#y and, sad
to say, the heir to the grocery chain" :e cou#d ha$e been so
usefu# to me in #ater years, and sa$e me numerous trips to the
pawnbroker" As motherBs fami#y had hard#y been orthodo>,
perhaps this did not seem so surprising after a##, the cook at the
6a#e re#ated" )or didnBt her own mother refuse to bring up her
offspring, and her father die at an ear#y age" 2hether he
preferred hea$en to his wifeBs superiority was ne$er re$ea#ed"
/y grandmother rare#y got out of bed after reaching the age of
si>ty years, e>cept for a month#y e>cursion into Dorchester to
reassure the tradespeop#e that she was a#i$e and kicking" 2ith
her tai#ored c#othes and imposing stature she must ha$e
resemb#ed 3dna /ary ;#i$er as crossed with /arEorie /ain"
The i##ustrious ?uentin Crisp once remarked that A/arriage is
a mistakeB and ' rea##y think he may ha$e stumb#ed upon
something here"
Phy##is 7osa#ind, with her hair shing#ed, superb bone
structure gracing her face, with #arge deep9set eyes and warm
smi#e, wou#d ha$e charmed C#eopatraBs asp" She so#d herse#f
down the ri$er, ' fear, when she wed her young painter" )or
A:appiness was not a thing ca##ed =oeB, or e$en Ted, and after
the initia# period when bride and groom #i$e in a fantasy wor#d
of se> and dreams, she became a s#a$e without pay" :er #ife
was possib#y o$er by the time she was thirty9fi$e" She #o$ed
chi#dren, which was Eust as we##, as she ga$e birth to four boys
during the ear#y years of her marriage" 2e a## rescued her to
some degree from the pure despair that engu#fed her #ater
years"
/y father #o$ed babies and spent hours p#aying with them,
but chi#dren were another matter" As soon as kindergarten was
imminent and ratt#es were thrown away it was a different story"
:is affection e$aporated o$ernight after the age of fi$e, and it
was mother who fu#fi##ed the duties of both parents from then
on" )ather had a #arge Eea#ous streak in his persona#ity, and my
mother on#y had to speak to the postman and she was thought
to be ha$ing the greatest affair since (i#y (angtry and 3dward
6''" %ot an easy situation for anyone, and certain#y most
trying for a young woman embarking on marriage for the first
time" )ather was a $ain man, and no matter what the state of
the fami#y purse, which was precarious most of the time, he
sti## had his superb#y tai#ored suits and shirts, not to mention an
e>ce##ent se#ection of headgear" :is speedboat was moored
near the Christchurch ?uay, whi#e his membership at the
sai#ing c#ub was a#most a must" :e e>ce##ed in hunting,
shooting and fishing, was a crack shot with a rif#e, and was a
hard act to fo##ow"
Da$ey Crocket he#d no charm for me" ' was about as
handy in fatherBs outdoor pursuits as a fashion mode# on safari"
/y brother =ohn, a si> footer and a## man, was much more the
type" )ather cou#d cope with =ohn, and he became $ery popu#ar
for a short period unti# he rebe##ed and disagreed with my
father, which was fata#" )ather was 1uite sure he was 5od"
There are so many aboutF At #east in our particu#ar pro$ince
what he said was #aw" /y second brother, 7oy, was a 1uiet
boy and kept to his own wor#d, 1uite ob#i$ious to any rows or
tantrums within the fami#y" :e became a printer and has
de$e#oped an a#most =ewish knack for making money" 2ou#d
that ' cou#d cu#ti$ate this ski##" ' must ha$e gone to the wrong
Sunday schoo#"
The youngest of our fami#y was yet another boy, Da$id"
:e went b#ind at nine months with a $ery rare infection when
an epidemic swept the town and o$er eighteen chi#dren #ost
their sight" /y mother ne$er rea##y got o$er this b#ow,
a#though she taught Da$id we## and his '"?" was years ahead of
his age" :e was a #eading chess p#ayer at eighteen, and was
tra$e##ing to the races at nineteen and backing the right nags
too" A #itt#e thing #ike b#indness was not going to hamper him
undu#y"
/other was a story9te##er and spent many happy hours
reading us the c#assics and we##9#o$ed fairy stories, so we were
a## e>treme#y we## read" :er diction and de#i$ery were
e>ce##ent, and a treasured memory is of the du#cet tones of her
reading we## into the e$ening" 't fi##s my mind, now, so many
years afterwards"
As the years passed, my mother and father had #ess and
#ess in common, though my mother somehow found a spirit
and courage to spar with my father and stop him ha$ing
e$erything his own way" 'ndeed, occasiona##y their bouts of
disagreement wou#d ha$e done Eustice to the A6irginia 2oo#fB
of 3dward A#bee" The marriage s#ow#y disintegrated"
)atherBs meanness was unbe#ie$ab#e" :e was as tight as a
crabBs backside, and made /o##y Picon seem generous" '
remember, when we were grown up, the sum of ha#f a crown
being tendered as a Christmas present" 't was a good Eob ' was
not depending on pater to get me through co##ege I in my case,
an e#ementary schoo#F :e was an e>acting and crue# master"
/y mother was #eft with a miserab#e and #one#y e>istence,
shack#ed to a man who was without compassion" She was,
howe$er, 6ictorian in her out#ook, and be#ie$ed when she had
made her bed she wou#d #ie on it, and #ie on it she did" She died
some twenty9nine years ago and we a## #ost a true friend"
/y father was stunned by the #oss, and, a#though we got a
#itt#e c#oser to him after her death, and did our best to make his
#ife a #itt#e easier, he opted to di$e into the free&ing waters of
the 7i$er Stour in the midd#e of a wintry night twenty9fi$e
years ago, which made the Christchurch news head#ines and
some te#e$ision news for se$era# e$enings" A## $ery sad" 't is
said that gui#t can cast a shadow, and it cou#d be that father
wished to redeem his se#f9respect with his action"
The on#y thing in his fa$our as far as ' was concerned was
that he encouraged me in the arts" 2hen, at the tender age of
fi$e, ' wou#d be singing in cafCs and at concerts for a few bob,
he wou#d rehearse me re#ent#ess#y at home to make sure ' knew
what ' was doing" This was probab#y to ensure that ' wou#d not
make him #ook a Char#ie in front of his friends" ' had a strong,
resounding $oice, $ery suited to music ha##, and knew how to
use the pretty baby face #ooks that the 5ods had gi$en me" =ust
think what #ife cou#d ha$e been had ' been born to /adame
7ose and partnered her #o$e#y daughter, Baby =une" Shades of
A(et /e 3ntertain 8ouB indeed"
' had one chi#dhood companion ca##ed C#aire 7icketts, who
shared in a## my ear#y escapades and fo##ies" Together we
wou#d act out a## the scenes we saw at the #oca# picture house
in the Bargate" The picture house got fi#ms a #itt#e after
Bournemouth, but it did not matter at a##, and we wou#d both
see the fi#m around twice, whi#e our respecti$e mothers went
about their shopping" 'f our fathers fe#t we had been good they
wou#d reward us with a pennyworth of toffees" 2hat an age
ago it a## seems when we pay a coup#e of 1uid for a packet of
sweets now" This meant we wou#d be at the pictures by one
thirty, and probab#y come out at fi$e thirty, with sometimes
Saturday morning at ten oBc#ock as an added bonus" /y
know#edge of fi#ms has a#ways been e>treme#y good and ' can,
on a good day, ri$a# Bob /onkhouse and Denis %orden in a
mo$ie 1ui&"
C#aire opted for a married #ife, but ' a#ways fe#t she wou#d
ha$e been so good in show business" She had a touch of
Shir#ey Temp#e about her and indeed was a#most as good as
the si#$er screenBs dar#ing, thereby reser$ing a p#ace on the
good ship (o##ipop" :er sound practica# common sense and a
f#air for what wou#d make money, wou#d ha$e been in$a#uab#e
#ater on in my wor#d of presenting shows" She was a great
friend and shared many of my ups and downs in the rat race of
the theatre and the wor#d of greasepaint"
By the age of se$en ' had managed to de$e#op mastoids
which hung around #onger than was hea#thy, and then anaemia
came and went" ;ur #oca# Dr <i#dare abso#ute#y #o$ed me, and
the bi##s from this carry9on ra$aged the househo#d for se$era#
years, and again did not endear me to my father" This was
when it was decided ' shou#d go and #i$e at inter$a#s with my
Aunt 3the#, who occupied a #o$e#y house in Porchester 7oad,
near the Centra# Station at Bournemouth" So there ' was, Eust
out of the knickerbocker stage, and a#ready it was common
gossip ' was no A:uck#eberry )innB tomboy figure, but then '
cou#d c#aim ' was no A(itt#e (ord )aunt#eroyB either"
Aunt 3the# was something e#se again" She made /ary
Bo#and seem ordinary" She came from a #arge brood, thirteen
in a##" 'n those days there were not the distractions in the
e$enings that we ha$e now, and #arge fami#ies were the ru#e
rather than the e>ception" She was a#most the e#dest, on#y
superseded by one, Bessie" Because of this they cou#d not
stand the sight of one another, not e$en wearing sun g#asses,
either drunk or sober, and sent each other up at each and e$ery
a$ai#ab#e moment for the rest of their #i$es" /y father was the
youngest of the brood, and as soon as he was in #ong pants he
was sent to he#p 1ue## the unrest in 're#and as a boy so#dier" :e
shou#d not ha$e wasted his time, as the same thing is sti##
going on in the #and of the shamrock" 2as there e$er a country
that has taken so #ong to make the peaceH
3the# had brought up my father with her son, 7a#ph, the
product of her marriage to @nc#e 2i##iam" She had been
engaged in the emp#oyment of 2i##iam :arding, an architect
of the highest reputation, in Bournemouth, which was in the
county of :ampshire, but now Dorset, whi#e sti## on#y in her
#ate teens" Before many summers were out she married
2i##iam, whom she tru#y #o$ed" 2ith at #east forty years
between them, this was 1uite an achie$ement" :e adored her
and she him and she managed to make him b#issfu##y happy
unti# the day he died, at the ripe o#d age of ninety9two" She was
therefore #eft comfortab#y off" 2ith a young son, and 1uick#y
made her mark in the socia# side of that prosperous seaside
town"
7a#ph was as different from my father as cha#k from
cheese" A ta##, p#ump boy, he had a rea# country face, ruddy
cheeks with a high, distinguished forehead" :is hair decided to
emigrate from the ear#y age of twenty9fi$e, ne$er to return" /y
fatherBs made a simi#ar retreat when she was twenty9se$en, but
we managed to find a so#ution of herbs, hope and witchcraft
which we pi#ed on his ba#d pate, and this did indeed grow a
few hairs for a number of years" 7a#ph, howe$er, has a#ways
been as ba#d as the pro$erbia# badger"
2hat Aunt 3the# and her brothers missed in schoo#ing, as
grand9daddy was ne$er one for the #earning bit, they made up
for down on the farm"
L(ife is a ban1uet,M said the witty mother of 5ypsy 7ose
(ee" L/ay 5od be with you, but take a hatchet a#ong, Eust in
case"M
' concur that #ife can be a fabu#ous education, and down on
the farm that isnBt a## hayF
Aunt 3the# was a striking #ass, and on the p#ump side, as
any se#f9respecting country #ass shou#d be" She was a dress si&e
fourteen before puberty, with a mass of auburn hair framing a
#arge, Eo##y face" :er comp#e>ion was ruddy, which was not
he#pfu# in the #adiesB powder room at downtown soirees, but
her gigantic sense of humour carried her through and endeared
her to the ma#e species" She dressed $ery we## for a woman of
her girth, and had great sty#e" She hated being seen without a
hat, e$en in the bathroom, and on occasion her wardrobe
wou#d ha$e e>cited 7oya#ty" She sought the rewards of midd#e
c#ass society, and made it her goa# to get there without de#ay"
2hat she didnBt know she #earned I and 1uick#y"
@nc#e 2i##iam had been married pre$ious#y to a spinster of
the parish" She bore him a daughter, Be##a, who was eccentric,
erratic and a true fo##ower of /artita :unt" She spent her #ast
years #i$ing in the grounds of 2imborne /inster" Such was
her de$otion to the be##s" 'n addition, she ta#ked at #ength to
many of the Adear departedB s#eeping si#ent#y in the summer
air"
't was to this e1ui$a#ent to Auntie /ame that ' was sent to
spend my formati$e years" :ey hoF
NNNNN
Bournemouth in those days was re$ered by the rich, the
#ucky and the aspiring" 't was unspoi#ed by the day trippers and
foreign students who ha$e #atter#y besieged the town and
become a year#y ma#ady" After a##, fornicating on the beach
was hard#y a feature of the brochures for Bournemouth at that
time" 't boasted many hote#s for the wea#thy, the #one#y and the
p#ain randy" ABobbyBs was a centre for teatime, and did a brisk
trade in the afternoons in the sun #ounge where tea and toast
were dispensed with cream cakes and meringues" (obster teas,
:enry :a## and :arry 7oy and his band were a## that one cou#d
ask for" A#fredo, *actua##y )red Brown from nearby
2estbourne- with his band, p#ayed ditties of the day, and the
gir#s dreamed, through the ha&e of a ADu /aurierB, smoked in a
#ong cigarette ho#der, of %iceK /onte Car#oK and /onterey"
Summer romance was definite#y in then, probab#y due to the
books of Barbara Cart#and" The waitresses had been at
BobbyBs since /afeking, and probab#y before, and knew their
art backwards" They a#so knew their customers backwards and
cou#d te## an en1uiring sou# the pedigree and progress of their
customers without any hesitation at a##" The #iftman was
another wonderfu# characterD sma## in stature, but so rich in
know#edge" :e a#ways insisted that Do##y 5ray, of )irst 2or#d
2ar fame, was a tart, and this know#edge ' accepted without
1uestion" At eight years o#d this was my scene" %o wonder '
came to be precocious" 3$ery other day *e$ery day wou#d ha$e
been far too common-, ' was instructed to approach the
band#eader at BobbyBs, our friend A#fredo" @sua##y between
wa#t&es ' wou#d de#i$er a note from Aunt 3the#" 2hat the note
said ' ne$er found out" ' 1uestioned Aunt 3the# as to why she
wrote him a note with such regu#arity and she rep#iedO L'f ' to#d
you I you wou#d know"M So ' was ne$er any the wiser"
3the# was 1uick witted and $i$acious and ' adored her"
A7ed sai#s in the SunsetB was definite#y a tune she cou#d dance
to" 3ach day when we #eft the sun #ounge after being fortified
by tea and cakes, we emptied the sugar bow# into her #arge
handbag without a murmur and sai#ed off for another shopping
spree a#ong the 2esto$er 7oad" The sugar cubes were not for
tab#e consumption, but for the cocker spanie# waiting patient#y
at home"
The younger, swinging set, were to be seen at the Pa$i#ion,
where tea dances were a## the rage" The famous bands of the
period seen at one time or another were A/B7;S3,
/A%T'6A%', (32 ST;%3, :A778 7;8 and =;3 (;SS"
They a## #o$ed Bournemouth" There was a#so a mar$e##ous
operatic singer in a whee#chair who sang regu#ar#y at teatime in
BobbyBs" ' can remember her magnificent $oice ti## this day"
/y aunt was a great success at the theatre, the ba##et, the
bridge parties and the f#ower shows, especia##y the f#ower
showsF ' was a#so a#ways in attendance when she $isited the
hairdresser, a poor tradesman who usua##y on#y #asted a few
weeks before she became besotted with another coiffeur whose
e>pertise and persona# charm warranted a try" :ow she wou#d
ha$e #o$ed 2arren Beatty P #a AShampooB" /y aunt fo##owed
the affairs of 7oya#ty #ike a b#oodhound does the scent" She
e#ected to ha$e a minor operation at her home in the #ate
thirties, attended by a #oca# 1uack so gorgeous that she a#most
had three re#apses by choice" She de$e#oped an unbe#ie$ab#e
temperature at this time when the Prince of 2a#es kissed
3ng#and goodbye and took off to marry /rs Simpson" She was
so disturbed she fe## out of bed and had to ha$e a## her stitches
reworked" :er scrapbook on the roya# scene wou#d ha$e fi##ed
a #arge corner in Christina )oy#esB famous bookshop" She was
ne$er at a #oss for a 1uick retort, and when asked at the opera if
she was the /ayoress, she rep#ied, as 1uick as a boomerang, L'
am afraid ' am not this year but ' ha$e e$ery hope to be ne>t"M
C#ear#y she was not a #ass to end up between two s#ices of
bread"
:er cooking prowess was in the top c#ass, and e1ua#, she
was assured by many friends, to the best that /rs Simpson
cou#d pro$ide" This was an acco#ade indeed, as the uni$erse
was assured in count#ess books that /rs SimpsonBs dinner
parties were the most sought after in Paris, the grub as choice
as the gossip" (ike most cooks 3the# ate with a $oracious
appetite, and was of the opinion that e>pert cooking was
simp#y a matter of common sense"
'n the e$ening we wou#d sing songs of her day and mine,
and end with a few hymns for #uck" She was a mar$e##ous
gardener and worked as hard as any #abourer, keeping the
grounds at Porchester 7oad ab#a&e with e$ery kind of f#ower
and b#oom" ' fe#t it he#ped her keep one strand from her
humb#e beginning" She was though, in many ways, something
of a snob, and this was brought home to me $i$id#y on more
than one occasion whi#st staying with her" 2e had a part9time
gardener ca##ed /r Smith, an unusua# name, thatF ' wou#d, on
the days when he was with us, take his #unch on a tray to the
greenhouse at the foot of the garden" :e wasnBt a bad o#d stick,
but ' do remember he usua##y sme#t of 5uinness" After a##, we
were constant#y to#d of the goodness it cou#d achie$eD so good
#uck to him" :e was a##owed in the house on#y at ho#iday time
or on Christmas Day for a g#ass of sherry" ' #earned with horror
a #itt#e #ater on that he was actua##y 3the#Bs o#d man, and my
grandfather" She was adamant when approached on the
subEect" :e had, she fe#t, done nothing for her and her
achie$ements in #ife, apart from his ear#y bio#ogica#
contribution, and she had no intention of #etting him mess up
her chances in #oca# society"
3the#Bs other fau#t was borrowing" She hated to return
anything she had borrowed I a fau#t she shared with many a
po#itician" 2hen she was #oaned a commodity, it had gone for
good" )or anyone, e>cept Be##a, her step9daughter, this wou#d
ha$e been fina#" Be##a #oaned her a sewing machine during a
bout of spring c#eaning and preparing new curtains for the
househo#d" The return of this nob#e machine was $ery much
o$erdue, but return it she wou#d not" 't was ob$ious#y against
her princip#es" :owe$er, not to be thwarted, Be##a found a
young actor, somewhere between parts in Hamlet and The
Trial of Mary Dugan, wi##ing to p#ay a 1uick cameo part for a
few bob" She paid him to engage 3the# in po#ite con$ersation
at the front door whi#e she ran up the garden path to the back
door with the speed of a greyhound" There, in spite of being a
frai# o#d gir# of fi$e feet, she grabbed the desired machine and
made for the roadway where a ta>i awaited" Such endea$ours
were, ' fear, necessary if one was to retain what was rightfu##y
oneBs own"
3the# wou#d ne$er ha$e the tradesmen ca##ing before ten in
the morning or after three in the afternoon, for that was when
our happy hour commenced in the drawing room" She did not
get on with my brothers at a##, and e$en once mistook my
brother =ohn for the butcherBs boy" This destroyed fore$er any
re#ationship they might ha$e enEoyed" She arranged good
marriages for at #east one of her nieces, and her sister bought a
pub at Corfe /u##en ca##ed AThe Co$entry ArmsB, so the
passion for boo&e was satisfied" The boys in the fami#y did not
do anything #ike as we##"
(ater, my father decided it was time for me to return home"
A dreadfu# war broke out between 3dwin *Ted- Stacey and his
e#der sister, and she was forced to set about finding another
p#aymate for her socia# ad$entures in that most beautifu# of
resorts" (ife at home was in comp#ete contrast to my wor#d
with Aunt 3the#" ' was thrown from a comfortab#e midd#e c#ass
e>istence to the rigours of the working c#ass where it was
brought home forcib#y to me that bread was short *the coin, not
the #oaf-, and it was arranged that ' wou#d de#i$er morning and
e$ening newspapers to do my bit" )ather a#so insisted that '
he#p with his weekend decorating schedu#e in the house
nearby" ' came down to earth with a resounding thud" ' dared
not disobey, but ' hated it with a $enom not seen since 3$e#yn
(aye scorned =essie /atthews" ' did, howe$er, #ike de#i$ering
the papers in the ear#y morning air" 't suited my tendency to
dream, and taught me much about the $a#ue of money"
' fe#t not a #itt#e persona# resentment after arri$ing home
from Aunt 3the#Bs" 't was a #itt#e #ike asking =oan Co##ins to
#ea$e Dynasty and go for a season with A3astendersB" =oan
Crawford cou#d probab#y ha$e managed it more easi#y, but
then she had p#enty of e>perience with down trade in A/i#dred
PierceB"
3the# was #i$id that she was being dictated to by her baby
brother, whom she had cared for since infancy" 't was
into#erab#e, monstrousF And the fact that he had achie$ed so
#itt#e in #ife was e$en worse" )or after a##, where the he## wou#d
he ha$e been without her, she askedD and bringing his four
sons into the wor#d on a wing and a prayer was hard#y good
p#anning" ' had much to occupy me, but it did seem #ike a good
case of Eea#ousy" /y fatherBs strange menta#ity was often
difficu#t to understand, e>treme#y hard to forgi$e, and b#oody
annoying to swa##ow" :e had a#ready scotched my p#ans to
pass my e>aminations and go to secondary schoo# by arranging
so much work in the e$enings and weekends that ' had no time
at a## to study or do homework" 3$en so, ' came out on the
border#ine, and the State wou#d ha$e paid ha#f my fees if the
fami#y paid the other ha#f" )at chance of that, and back to the
paper round" )ather maintained that ' wou#d #earn more
earning a few bob for the kitty than sitting at a desk in the
secondary schoo#" As #ife is often a great education he may
ha$e been a #itt#e in the right"
The entire affair was so sa$age on Aunt 3the#Bs ner$ous
system that she ate a who#e bo> of marshma##ows at one
sitting"
/y mother was not too p#eased, either" A #itt#e #earning
might be a dangerous thing, but if you ha$e not grasped how
many beans made fi$e what chance had youH (ucki#y, ' had,
and the #ack of education was ne$er too noticeab#e"
/other wanted me to go for banking" LTry something
safe,M as she put it" 'f on#y ' had, how much richer ' might ha$e
been" And so far away from the tempting de#ights of #ife upon
the wicked stage"
L8ouB## ne$er be strong enough to go careering off up and
down the country in the theatre,M she emphasised" LAnd
consider the c#ass of peop#e"M She knew the proprietor of a
guest house who had a#most the entire cast of Charleys Aunt
staying one wet and windy week" The gir# who p#ayed the
Eu$eni#e #ead $anished one day with the fish kni$es and forks"
The on#y thing in her fa$our was that she did it on a )riday"
LA #ife on the boards, my son,M /other reasoned, Lis not a
good idea"M She had not been impressed with my ear#y efforts
as a chi#d singer, reasoning that it was no #ife for a chi#d" She
went on further to remark that e$en if ' had the ta#ent, and she
wasnBt too sure about that, either, it was a risky business" 8ou
can say that again" Cheek, bra$ado and a 1uick tongue, 1uite
apart from a pretty face, might not be enough"
LA## fur and no knickersK thatBs what ' think about theatre
peop#e"M
And ' fear, there are mu#titudes that wou#d agree with my
mother" LTake theatrica#s away from the pubs and the
breweries wou#d be broke within a week"M Sa$age stuff,
maybeK 'f there was an answer to that, ' certain#y cou#d not
find it"
/other a#so knew ' was unhappy, and she tried, in her own
way, to make it up to me" But with three chi#dren to tend and
support, with a## my brothers so much younger than myse#f,
and a difficu#t husband to cope with, what cou#d the poor
woman doH She a#ready worked in the mornings to earn a few
shi##ings, so there was #itt#e time to try and sort out the
prob#ems of number one son, e$en if she cou#d" A warm and
passionate sou#, and a mother par e>ce##ence, shou#d on#y do
her utmost, and sometimes that was not enough to sa$e the
ship" She knew it, and ' knew it, and we both accepted it"
2hen ' had a persona# decision to make ' wou#d go to her and
ask her ad$ice" She wou#d not te## me what to do, but what she
wou#d do if she were me, which was something e#se again, and
sound wisdom"
/y father was sti## most e#egant, thanks to BurtonBs, with
an occasiona# trip to DunnBs emporium, and was dressed eight
to the nines on weekday e$enings and nine to the nines on
Sundays, when he took his #eisure at the c#ub" :e seemed to
di$ide his spare time between fishing *he was $ery #ucky with
mackere#-, boating, and drinking" 'f he took me out in his boat,
' did e$erything wrong so rapid#y and we##, that it was a
wonder that the b#oody thing did not capsi&e" ' had no rapture
for the sea and ' was certain#y no 3sther 2i##iams either, and
that was that" )ather was a manBs man, and a#though much has
been made of that statement, in his case it was appropriate" :e
was most attracti$e to women, though barmaids seemed to
head his fan c#ub" They a#ways had at #east a coup#e of things
going for them and he #iked to think he had the knack to sti##
pu## the birds" :e was, after a##, sti## in his midd#e forties,
which is nothing when assessing se> appea# in a man" A
woman of simi#ar age wou#d probab#y be between the dressing
gown stage, or contemp#ating a 1uick A#iftB Eob on her face" But
the ma#e species is a different cup of tea, and so was my o#d
man"
At home, rows were the ru#e rather than the e>ception, and
o$er anything from the food not being cooked to his taste, to a
mundane point of a bi## not being paid" Sometimes it was #ike
#i$ing on top of a $o#cano" 2e a## breathed a sigh of re#ief
when e$entua##y he todd#ed off to one of his many e$ening
pursuits #ea$ing us to sit and #isten to :enry :a##Bs guest night
with mother"
During the war father was sent to make munitions" An o#d
kidney fai#ure had e>empted him from the mi#itary, and he was
detai#ed to nearby B#andford Camp" :e #i$ed in and we were
a## #eft in peace" Supper was out best mea# of the day, and '
went to great #engths to bring home something that wou#d
entrance my mother who had been so #ong depri$ed of many of
the de#icacies she had known in her youth" Sometimes it was a
we## preser$ed hare, a #itt#e #obster, or some smoked sa#mon"
So many de#ights that she #o$ed married #i$e had denied her,
whi#st her ear#y upbringing had dictated her tastes"
2ith paper rounds, wa#king dogs for #a&y owners and
other #itt#e bits of acti$ity" ' was pu##ing in funds which he#ped
my mother considerab#y" )ather occasiona##y descended on the
house without warning, accusing my mother of ha$ing a wi#d
affair with the mi#kman which was so ridicu#ous, as mother
had no inc#ination for Abe#ow stairsB intrigues, #et a#one a bo#d
assignation" Anyway if you ha$e seen the mi#kman you wou#d
ha$e taken the $ei#" True, some o#d birds got free cream, but
times were desperate and standards s#ip in an emergency" 'n
those days the ta##y man had the fie#d $ery much to himse#f,
and housewi$es were more than wi##ing to do a spot on the
side to he#p out in this turbu#ent time"
LSe> is here to stayFM the great /ae 2est was heard to te##
the congregation during a period in (entK and ' fee# she knew
what she was ta#king about" )ather was Eea#ous of mother with
an a#most chi#d#ike su#kiness, and of e$erything #i$ing" :e
#onged to catch mother in a compromising situation with
someone or something, Eust to gi$e him Eustification for his
menta# crue#ty and neg#ect" A#as, a#ack, mother had had more
than enough of men for a #ifetime, e$en though it was on#y
A(ife with )atherB, and instead she kept on reading 3the# /
De##" A magnificent mother, she was ne$er keen on being a
s#a$e to domesticity, and occasiona##y my father wou#d
#ambast her if things were not abso#ute#y meticu#ous in the
home" :e wou#d pop in out of the b#ue whi#st he shou#d be
away making munitions, but mother a#ways had the AupB on
him" She was more than a #itt#e te#epathic and therefore knew
when he was #ike#y to turn up" She must ha$e been a saint, or
at the $ery #east a Sunday Schoo# teacher" ;f that ' am sure, for
no one had a c#eaner s#ate" But it was a sad and #one#y union,
a## that remained from a passionate #o$e"
The Americans had arri$ed in Christchurch for the first
time, and co#oured men were sudden#y seen in the area"
'ndeed, our ne>t door neighbour wou#d ne$er ha$e known
about such gent#emen had it not been for her de$otion to
/argaret /itche##Bs one with the Wind" The presence of this
different skin caused much consternation, and not a #itt#e
ner$ousness" But, on the other hand, for the more #ibera#
minded, many a #iaison commenced, and gir#s were seen with
their skirts around their bottom and high hee#s in e$idence as
they trotted arm in arm with the 8anks to the pubs and p#aces
of amusement" After a whi#e /essrs : Samue# started re9
ordering to rep#enish their stocks, as $ast amounts of Eewe##ery
and rings started to appear on the necks and fingers of wenches
in the area" /ore than one gir# sported a fur coat she
unfortunate#y cou#d not do upF ;ne married woman of my
ac1uaintance, whose husband was absent, ki##ing 5ermans,
drugged her sma## chi#dren e$ery night at se$en and
entertained the @S army mad#y for the rest of the night" The
Eeeps parked outside her hoste#ry made the AStage Door
CanteenB car park #ook redundant"
The sensation of the season was when a #oca# wench
produced a pair of piccaninnies" This ga$e her a #ot of
e>p#aining to do, and ga$e the midwife a stroke"
The radio was essentia# to keep the spirits up in this time
of turmoi#, and was a $ery ine>pensi$e way to keep
entertained" 3$en the !adio Times was sti## on#y three pence"
)a$ourites of the day were the aforementioned :enry :a## and
the BBC Dance ;rchestra, with singers such as Betty Dri$er,
who was now a fa$ourite with $iewers of Coronation "treet"
She #eft us on#y recent#y for the hea$ens about and drew tons
of pub#icity in the newspapers, which was her due" There was
American singer 3$e#yn Da##, who sang about her man, =ohnny
Qero" That was when she worked with Ambrose, #ong before
he became the AS$enga#iB to <athy <irby" There were A#an
Bree&e, Paddie ;B%ei## *before she married A#fred /arks-,
Sam Browne, Dorothy Care#ess and her sister Bery# Da$is,
who sang #ike b#ackbirds with 5era#do" Then there were
e>ce##ent bands #ike (ew Stone to keep spirits up and the
outrageous :arry 7oy" :e wou#d sing ASomebody sto#e my
ga#B and my mother wou#d retort L' donBt wonderFM She
#oathed him"
)red 2aring and his Pennsy#$anians and the #o$e#y
:i#degarde brightened up Sundays from 7adio (u>embourgD
and there was a#ways Dick #arton$ "%ecial Agent for the
kiddies, and Monday Night at &ight, for grandma"
Bars of choco#ate were but a penny piece, and my
fa$ourite was /ackintoshBs A?ue>B bar, great $a#ue for Eust
one penny" The Sunday Eoint was something #ike four shi##ings,
and a #arge cake with icing, one and si>pence" :ey ho, where
did a## the bargains goH 't a## seems so #ong ago I it wasF
' was beginning to get rest#ess, but was sti## he#ping to
make ends meet for my mother, and ' spent the occasiona#
weekend with Aunt 3the#, but things were ne$er 1uite the same
as of yore" True, she wou#d sti## show me the #atest additions to
her wardrobe, and gi$e a run down on her #atest associates in
the swinging wor#d of society, but things had changed" 2e had
#ost the orchestration somewhere a#ong the way since we had
been a doub#e act" 2e were both c#ear that the harmony had
become sta#e, and ' made sure that e$eryone was aware that '
was much o#der" Before thirty one ups oneBs actua# age to
become more wor#d#y, and then re$erses the process after
thirty9one"
't reminds me of the #o$e#y story of /ar#ene Dietrich"
/ar#ene was ha$ing a portrait session with a photographer she
had used ten years ear#ier" She had been we## p#eased with his
resu#ts which encouraged her to ha$e a new session some ten
years #ater"
L:ow dare you turn out such mediocrity,M she stormed,
Lyour ear#ier pictures were fabu#ous"M
L/iss Dietrich,M the poor man rep#ied" L8ou must
remember ' am ten years o#der"M At #east here was one man
who knew how to hand#e a star"
The war had not touched Aunt 3the#, and the #arder was as
packed as of yore, with e$ery kind of de#icacy" ' remember
some weekends we Eourneyed to 2imborne and took tea with
stepdaughter Be##a, now more in #o$e with the be##s of
2imborne /inster than e$er" :ow ?uasimodo wou#d ha$e
#o$ed the sceneF Be##a ran a #itt#e tea shop a#most in the
/inster precincts"
/r =o##y, the butcher, was ob$ious#y on the $ery best of
terms with my aunt, and we a#ways returned with a Eoint #arge
enough to feed the who#e of the (uton 5ir#sB Choir" ' can
$i$id#y reca## my auntBs de$otion to the Sa#$ation Army,
though she ne$er Eoined the cause herse#f" ' fear the bonnets
wou#d ne$er ha$e suited her" :owe$er she was mesmerised by
uniforms, and as she adored p#aying A(ady Bountifu#B,
regu#ar#y dropped them a fi$er" This she threw dainti#y onto
the tambourine"
After my short $isits to Aunt 3the# ' a#ways returned to my
mother, who strugg#ed on in her own way, and when her #arder
was far from ade1uate, her camouf#age was so c#e$er one
ne$er rea##y noticed"
' was befriended by /r and /rs C#ark in the Bargate, a
smashing and de$oted coup#e, who ran the newspaper shop
from which ' de#i$ered the words of the press to the mu#titude"
Apart from my pay, the tips were mammoth, especia##y at
Christmas, and ' managed to seduce the housewi$es into
di$ing into their purses regu#ar#y" At many p#aces a#ong the
road, there was a p#ate of cakes and a hot mug of tea to keep
me happy" A#ice and Arthur C#ark were made for each other,
so rare outside the mo$ies, and were #o$ers unti# the end of
time, and then some" A#ice too, was a great supporter of the
Sa#$ation Army, as was her sister, and for a time her mother
was a member" ' can sti## remember taking tea with the C#arks
on Sunday at the time the Sa#$ation Army band and singers
came round the Bargate before Sunday ser$ice" 't was as much
a part of Sunday as the News of the world, though on a s#ight#y
different p#ane"
The C#arks were kindness itse#f" They adored my mother
and tried so hard to make #ife more fun for both of us"
/y father returned home when the guns stopped firing and
rows once again tore the house apart" :e had e$en #ess time for
a## of us chi#dren now that we had a##owed ourse#$es to grow"
%ot that mother reta#iated much, and the unhappy tension
pre$ai#ed" )ather returned to #oca# work and spent the sa$ings
he had bui#t up at B#andford Camp by buying a ta>i and p#ying
trade in the town" Daddy, odd#y enough, a#though he did not
understand me any more than he wou#d ha$e done an
aborigine, wanted to encourage my artistic side" :e knew '
cou#d sing, and had a 1uick and amusing brain on a good day" '
cou#d a#so write a #egib#e hand, in spite of my basic education"
During schoo# <ath#een, a warm and friend#y teacher,
disco$ered me, at eight years of age, and took me to her heart"
This was to the chagrin of the other pupi#s who thought me
teacherBs pet, and a## that Ea&&" But <ath#een taught me
re#igious#y and we##, and did much to make sure ' read many
books and works to impro$e my out#ook and my education"
She took me to the theatre, to sty#ish tearooms, and we became
c#ose and de$oted friends" She came to the house to seek
permission to take me out, and de$e#oped a great friendship
with my mother" This p#eased me no end, with <ath#een taking
tea with us once a week, bra$ing any outbursts of bad humour
which might de$e#op from my father" <ath#een was a bright,
shortish woman, with #o$e#y cur#y hair, a round, warm face
and she possessed great warmth with a tremendous sense of
humour" She died many years ago and #eft me a #arge sum to
he#p me on my way" Patience she had in abundance" This was
fortunate when faced with between forty and fifty pupi#s to a
c#ass" Such patience has stood teachers in good stead from A/r
ChipsB to /iss /offatB in AThe Corn is 5reenB" She #o$ed
Arthur Askey as much as Art did his ABusy BeeB" The 2estern
Brothers were a#so great fa$ourites, and she wou#d go and see
e$ery concert they ga$e within fifty mi#es of her home,
regard#ess of e>pense" ' miss her sti##"
/y mother had a few c#ose friends who did much to
sustain her in times of despair" 2ith Da$id, my b#ind brother,
to bring up and care for, such times came often" 3$entua##y,
when Da$id was due to go away to a training schoo# for the
b#ind, there was a $ery grey day indeed" /other, who had
taught her youngest chi#d e$erything he knew, so we## that she
probab#y missed her true $ocation, was natura##y distraught
o$er the parting" She was #osing her baby who had been part of
her e>istence for so #ong, and was unsure of how Da$id wou#d
cope in the harsh wor#d of training he was short#y to encounter"
't was an area which was unfami#iar to him" :e was, after a##,
on#y se$en years of age"
:er an>iety was an omen, for Da$id had many trying years
of endea$ouring to #earn a profession in that wor#d of twi#ight,
but e$entua##y, after fai#ing desperate#y to become a shoe
repairer or to make baskets, tasks that other b#ind chi#dren
seemed to accomp#ish with ski##, it was rea#ised that Da$id
wou#d ne$er make the grade in this way" 'nstead, his tutors
used his natura# persona#ity, wit and inte##igence and made him
host at the co##ege where he was training when $isitors and
tutors came" :e showed them around with ap#omb, and
became a great success" :e fina##y #eft co##ege and was
estab#ished as a Ahe##oB boy, the te#ephonist par e>ce##ence
which he is to this day" :e was the on#y b#ind person ' ha$e
heard of to $isit the races unaccompanied in his teens" :is
know#edge of the turf is co#ossa# and his fer$our for the sport
second to none"
And so with Da$id gone, mother was #eft with an empty
house of echoes, and she immediate#y took on more outside
work" )ather was busier, ha$ing ac1uired a #arger ta>i ser$ice,
and mother gradua##y took o$er the running of this by booking
appointments and keeping tabs on the book work" :er on#y
reward, a#as, was cursing and rudeness" At Christmas, when
ta>is were much in demand, the fami#y house was a batt#efie#d,
and it was a wonder at a## that we e$er got to the Christmas
pudding" 'n the outside wor#d, father got on with peop#e fair#y
we##, and no one cou#d guess the #ife sentence his wife was
ser$ing for taking the nuptia#s" ;ne sage c#aims that Ato come
to know a personB one shou#d a#ways #i$e with them first" :ow
true"
2e had discussion, my brother and ', about the possibi#ity
of mother #ea$ing father" 2ith the departure of Da$id, and my
brothers o#d enough to padd#e their own canoes, ' persuaded
her this was a course worthy of thought" She was on#y in
midd#e age, which some, inc#uding /iss Brodie, say is your
prime" There cou#d be much to be sa$oured in #ife for such a
woman, gi$en opportunities" But, time and again, she wou#d
get near to taking the p#unge, and then sudden#y #ost heart and
retreat into the sma## terrace house she ca##ed her home" (ater,
when ' had taken root in 3ar#Bs Court, we did get her to #ea$e
father and come to (ondon for a coup#e of weeks" But she was
in anguish most of the time, and when he came to find her, he
put up such a performance that had he been entered for an
;scar he wou#d ha$e won hands down" The man cou#d act the
pants off many a professiona# actor, and that was a fact"
After si>teen, ' began to p#an an escape" ' had taken to the
hi##s for a few hours one e$ening when e$erything had rea##y
got too much, but after nightfa## ' thought better of it when
;$a#tine was nigh, so ' f#ew back home" Thereafter ' worked
and sa$ed #ike a =ewish tai#or and amassed 1uite a sum, after '
had paid my share to mother" ' was working towards the day
when ' cou#d #ea$e and disco$er the wonders and
disi##usionments of show business"
The Boscombe :ippodrome was an oasis for me and ' was
regu#ar#y seen in the 5ods" There, for a few we##9earned coins,
' cou#d sa$our good and bad theatre or more correct#y, $ariety
and $aude$i##e" ' e$en persuaded my mother to come on some
occasions, and ga$e her a we##9earned treat" 7e$ues were more
numerous than $ariety bi##s, and mother was adamant that
$ariety was much preferred for, as she said, L'f a re$ue is bad,
it is bad a## the way through" But, if one act is poor on a $ariety
bi##, the ne>t act might be good"M
The :ippodrome was owned by /r = B Butterworth, a
man who had ac1uired a chain of such premises up and down
the country" :e made Boscombe his head1uarters, for he had
a#so $entured into hote#s, and owned a superb one a#most down
by the sea shore"
The Boscombe :ippodrome presented a## the fa$ourites of
the period, inc#uding Dona#d Peers *of The #a''ling #rook-,
the 2estern Brothers, Su&ette Tarri *e$eryoneBs fa$ourite
char-, =eanne de Casi#as *2hy no one has e$er taken up the
idea of an act on the te#ephone again ' sha## ne$er knowF-, and
Bery# ;rde, the e>ce##ent impressionist" She was to the down9
market trade what )#orence Desmond was to the upper" Denise
6ane was a strip artiste who was bi##ed as AThe 3ng#ish gir#
from Paris, in dances indescribab#y daringB" She took off the
$ei#s, probab#y se$en, to 3gyptian music, whi#st pretending to
be a statue" ' heard recent#y she sti## dwe##s in Che#sea and is a
seamstress of the highest order"
:arry 2orth was a A$entB in those days, and )rank 7and#e
came down south once a year to de#ight e$eryone with his
A7and#eBs Scanda#sB, so hot you cou#d get scorchedF A=aneB of
the Daily Mirror a#so showed a bit of thigh" Teddy Brown was
an e>pansi$e ta#ent on the >y#ophoneD Bi##y 2hittaker and
/imi (aw *the #atter and her brother, the we## known
impresario, =erry =erome, were the origina# Bisto kids- a#so
toured in their own re$ues for a year and a day and made a fair
#i$ing" 5reat pros in e$ery sense of the word" There was
Char#ie Shadwe## and the BBC Dance ;rchestra, Bi##y Cotton
and his Band" Then there was 7oy :arper and his 2onder
:orse, :y#da Baker *directed in so many re$ues by /i#dred
Cha##enger, referred to #ater on as ABon&oB, after she became an
agent-, 7onnC Coy#es for much of his youth, %osmo <ing and
:ubert, 7enee :ouston and Dona#d Stewart and ;#d /other
7i#ey and her daughter, <itty" There was a hot time had by a##
when 7enee and ;#d /other 7i#ey co9starred on the same bi##"
Betting on who won the %o" dressing room cou#d be
unbe#ie$ab#e" There was 3rnie (otinga and his A=osserB
character, Char#ie =un& and his piano, another star of the period
on the ha##s, the #ist was end#essK ' remember with de#ight so
many #o$e#y e$enings we enEoyed for a few bob at the music
ha## of yesteryear"
Such was my #ife whi#st reaching puberty I was anyone as
#ate as 'H I and after my days with Aunt 3the#, ' was mere#y
marking time before ' cou#d bite into the more promising
wor#d of ad$enture, tinse# andK seduction" There sure#y ne$er
was or is more of an education than #ife upon the wicked stage"