Reflection for English 1103!

Allison Vaughan

Which was the most challenging of the two projects and why? I found that my inquiry paper was the most challenging. Not in the sense that it was mentally difficult to write, but that I had to start from square one. When we were told to write about something we knew nothing about, I took that idea to the extreme. I was going to write about reincarnation, but in order to do that I had to learn so much about Buddhism in general and then the process of reincarnation and why there is a cycle. Once I figured out the basics of my information I had to start digging through the useless information that piles up in the internet and figure out what can I use and what is totally bogus and not worth reading. It took days and days and most of them were filled with the stress and regret that I may have chosen the wrong paper. I feel like I have said that so many times before, why this topic? I cant find anything on this and I should just chose something else and go from there. However, I decided that I wanted the challenge and that I wasnt going to shy away but keep progressing with my research. It wasnt until I really thought about giving up when I finally found something that was of great use to me and my research, an article from an anthropology journal. From there I could see the light of day again, the sky opened up, and rainbows were everywhere. From there I knew where to search and what kind of articles and papers I needed to look for. Now there was the question, of what on earth was I going to write. I knew I wanted to write about the reincarnation of the Dalai Lama and how monks found him after he passes on, but how do I even begin to put my thoughts onto paper. Because by this time I had so many ideas, running around that it was nearly impossible for me to complete a coherent thought let alone try and formulate something that sounded interesting on paper. The negative one draft helped, but mainly I still had no idea. I went into writing the draft like a regular boring paper, but instead I tried to explain how I came to the odd idea. But how did I come to the idea? Well, to answer that youd have to understand my thought process, which is messy, creative, and sometimes a tad dark? That is beside the point; my thoughts were running around like wild animals escaped from the zoo that was my seemingly controlled mind. I wanted to write about something that I had never written about before and how on earth do you think of something you havent written before if youve never thought about writing before. Thats a really hard thing to do. Normally I write about music, or my art, or how I wish I could dance, but I wanted to take a leap off the deep end and really strive for difference. Therefore, with that leap I really started turning and challenging my brain and thats how I came up with mandala sand art, which then indirectly lead me to think about monks and monasteries and Buddhism and then the Dalai Lama.

Therefore, after the negative one draft came to pass, I was still clues about how I should write it, and it wasnt until the use of heading came into play where I finally knew how to structure my informally structured goofy paper. Because lets admit, this paper is goofy and a tad bit odd.

I had the same problem with my personal essay. I knew I wanted to write about racing, but how was I going to portray the hectic life of a racetrack all while spending one of the best times of my life with my goofball of a friend? That was especially challenging. Working on getting all of the details just right as well as depicting Zach for the amazing and spontaneous person that he is, was difficult at first but once I got the hang of showing and not telling everything became simple. I found that a whole new world opened up and I was really able to say and show what I wanted and have the reader really understand and picture every detail that I tried to get across.

How would you describe yourself as a writer in the beginning? What about now? Well in the beginning, working on my frustrating Nano Novel (National Novel Writing Moth of November), I found that I was an okay writer, really trying to get a hold of my voice and really write down what I was seeing in my mind. That is a lot harder than it sounds. When I got to this class and was reading the letters about maybe you are just not comfortable with your voice, and maybe thats all you need to find. Well thats completely true. Im not comfortable with my voice, I dont know what it is about it that I dont like but there is something there. And now that Ive gotten a chance to write completely to myself without the thought of anyone else reading it my world of writing has opened up, I found that I can really sit down and say what I want to say without the fear of anyone judging or criticizing or making fun of me for the odd ideas that I come up with. Now at the end of the class, I am more open to let people read my works, there are somethings that I only let a few people read like my Nano because that is one huge piece of personal material that I pour my heart and soul into despite the whole love hate relationship that I have with it. But now that Ive gotten a hold on my writing voice and Ive come to terms of what I dont like about it, I can really relax and sit back saying, hey this isnt too bad, Im not that bad after all. And with that freedom to not fear what people are reading, is really encouraging me to write more and more and to write about more diverse topics and explore different themes in my novel as well as extreme topics in the papers that I chose to write about in class. As far as what Ive learned the most about through my writing has been through my inquiry paper. I always thought that Id find a simple answer for my topic of reincarnation but instead I found myself falling down a rabbit hole that never ends and the farther and farther down you go the more and more interesting everything becomes. I finally had to stop researching even though I feel as if I could research for days on end and actually sit down to write the paper.

Why is this portfolio personal? Well besides the obvious that I created it, its personal because it really made me think about who I am as a person. I knew I was always the one to think miles and miles away from the thinking box but I wanted to know why I always chose things that most people wouldnt want to write about. Ive been thinking about this a lot actually and the only answer is originality. I like to write about things no one has ever written about because I hate conforming and choosing topics that are easy and beaten to death. I like the option that I have to write about whatever I want and so I take that notion and simply run free with it. I love that Im able to write about whatever comes to mind and that its accepted that I can write about whatever pops into my thoughts. I feel like Ive poured my heart and soul into this portfolio, especially with my art. I usually never show off my art unless Ive really gotten to know someone, because its so different and most of the things I draw are so intense and extreme, its hard sometimes showing them to people. Im not sure why besides of their facial expressions why its hard showing them, maybe its because Im art shy. But I thought Id take a leap again and actually put the good pieces up for the whole world to see and just see how that goes. I know I shouldnt be shy about it, but I am. Another thing is blabbing about my senior citizens, and for everyone who knows me its not a hidden fact that I love seniors. Im often the one to point out adorable elderly couples when Im out with friends, even though most of my friends find it embarrassing. I love everyone at the senior center that I volunteer at so much and it makes this portfolio so much more intimate to me, because Ive now shared my love of them with everyone who will look at this.

What have I taken away from this class? I have taken so much from this class and Im so glad that I did. I have to say this has been one of my favorite English classes that Ive ever taken. Everything about it makes it great! I love that Im not constrained to certain topics to write about. I love the freedom that I have and that I can really write about anything! I think I love that the most. I also love how we get to write just for ourselves and really get to write whats on our mind. I love that we do the timed writing when all we do is write what crosses through our thoughts and we dont stop writing until time is up. I feel like that has also helped me form the writer who I have become today. I am honestly going to miss coming to this class and being able to write about interesting topics, but hey. Whats stopping me from writing? This class has opened up the world of writing for me and for that Im truly thankful that I got to take it and that I had such a great time writing!