Simple Basics Everyone should know:

1. Etiquette 101 What is it??? Etiquette is just the basics of kindness and politeness Good Manners Consideration of Others Thoughtfulness General Courtesy When in doubt- Do the kindest thing possible 2. Protocol is defined as a code of diplomatic or military etiquette or precedence. More simply put it is understanding the official, diplomatic code of ethics or behavior The term Service Etiquette or Military Etiquette is interchangeable with the term Protocol. The rules of Etiquette and Protocol are intended for consistency and to inform people of the acceptable, established and expected standards. The military is an organization with a playbook for almost everything. Protocol and Etiquette are essentially just that. You might think of it as the rules of the road for the social side of situations in the military. 3. Flag Etiquette: Stand, place your hand over your heart just before a Color Guard carrying the American Flag passes (ball caps and civilian hats should be removed) When National Anthem is played or sang, hold your hand over your heart until the last note. Service members will stand for their service song or that of another service out of respect, family members and others may stand as well.

 When in your car, all stop on base when the National Anthem is broadcast for morning or evening Colors (raising and lowering of the flag). In addition, some bases sound reveille in early morning, service song at noon, and taps in late evening, always note and follow base traditions. The same respect should be given to the flag or anthem of other nations by those in uniform, all others should stand at attention or follow local custom. 4. Respect for Rank or Position: For ceremonies and formal programs Flag Officers and often Captains as well as guests of honor may be announced before they enter the room after everyone else is seated. A band may play Ruffles and Flourishes for Flag officers. At dinner functions military may seat their spouse, but will stand by their chairs for the ranking officer at the table to arrive, waiting to be seated at their cue. At a ceremony, service members will be called to Attention to Orders or Attention to Award. During the reading or the orders or citation service members will stand, civilians may remain seated unless asked to stand 5. Receiving Lines: Receiving Lines can be extremely formal or quite casual with little in between. At a Formal event, shake hands with each person in the receiving line, giving your name as you go. If a civilian guest has been invited because of their official capacity or position that guest will go before their spouse in the line, even when their spouse may be in uniform. Speak very briefly to each person in line. Each service conducts formal receiving lines a little differently. It is safest to simply follow the example of those in front of you. There are no receiving line police who will take you to task if you are unsure of how to proceed. At a Casual event such as a CPO Pinning Ceremony, first the members of the Chiefs Mess, and then the guests go through the line to congratulate the new Chiefs. Guests at this event are usually familiar with each other and conversations should be brief to keep the line moving, but are much more personal and heartfelt than a formal receiving line.

6. Introductions: Speak first to the Senior or Elder person and tell them youd like to introduce someone to them. Master Chief Pharr, I would like to introduce Mary Smith to you, her husband is a Selectee with Naval Station Norfolk. Always introduce military members by rank or title. This gives both parties necessary information on how they will address one another. Address spouses older than you as Mr. or Mrs. unless it is established that you are welcome to use first names. Rule of thumb is to introduce Junior to Senior, Non-Official to Official, colleague to customer and younger to elder. If there is a family with children, introduce the children before the adults. Be prepared and comfortable introducing yourself when your spouse is occupied with others or behind the scenes participating in the event. You may find yourself with someone new or with a group you have not met before. Have confidence in introducing yourself. We sometimes meet many new people in a short time period. If you recognize the face but cannot remember the name it is okay to reintroduce yourself which may prompt them to do the same. If they do not, it is fine to say It is nice to see you again, Im sorry I do not recall your name. Our spouses suffer the same intro overload-especially in the weeks before pinning on their anchors. Help each other out by stepping in and introducing yourself if you see they may be struggling to remember some ones name. Try a private signal or if after 10 seconds your spouse has not yet made the move for introductions, you might take that as a cue that he does not remember some ones name and then go ahead and introduce yourself, the other party will almost always offer their name in return. 7. Invitations: ALWAYS respond (RSVP) within 48 hours of receiving the invitation. The Hostess has planning to do and needs to know who is coming. Sadly less than 30% RSVP Its time to change that statistic. If unsure of your . ability to get a sitter let the hostess know you are seeking one and will let her know. If you must decline it is considerate to include a reason (we will be out of town, we will be entertaining family that week, be honest, they will be glad you responded). Direct questions to the contact number or email listed on the invitation. NEVER arrive early, bring children (unless specifically invited) or an uninvited guest. I have seen Babes in Arms Welcome to allow infants but exclude children older than just a few months.

 Know who the Host and Hostess are and their relationship to your spouse. Understand where the Host and your spouse fall in the Chain of Command. If it is a dinner and you have a dietary restriction or allergy, plan accordingly. Inquire to the RSVP contact and inform the Hostess once you have accepted to express your limitations or concerns along with the simplest of solutions or substitutions so not to burden her with special preparations. If the event is not in their home, as soon as you arrive at the facility excuse yourself to find the lead wait staff and have them inquire with the chef letting them know you will happy with an appropriate substitution. Remember to tell them what table you are at. I do it at EVERY function I attend, and usually I am responded to for approval of the alternative they will offer. I will usually just skip the appetizers altogether and never arrive starving. It is polite (but not necessary) to bring a small Hostess Gift if you desire ($10-$15 or less) to a non-official function held in some ones home. Avoid a gift that requires immediate attention such as flowers in need of a vase as the Hostess will be busy greeting guests. Hand Written Thank you notes are a MUST. Email is not an acceptable form of thank you. It is a good idea to address the envelope to a thank you when you RSVP and leave it where you will see and attend to it as soon as you come home from the event. Write the thank you within 24 hours so the event is fresh in your mind. Mention something specific about the event so it is not too generic. Never pre write a thank you and leave it behind for the Hostess to find. 8. Types of Events: An invitation will always state what the occasion of the event will be. If you are unsure of the meaning of the Type of Event it is always okay to ask. It is best to be sure you are clear on what type of function you are going to attend such as Awards Ceremony, Change of Command, Reception, Summer Social, Holiday Party, etc Be aware that the dress code may be quite different considering where you are stationed. In Washington DC the term formal is often more formal than what you might be accustomed to from Millington TN or Jacksonville, FL. Casual in Hawaii is a bit more relaxed than in San Diego CA. Overseas locations can incorporate customs of the country you are in out of respect. I will always try to find a new friend or neighbor who can help be my guide in a new area, some one I can feel comfortable asking questions about the local customs.

9. Dress to the Uniform: Ultimately we Dress to the Uniform No matter what cute or witty phrase describes attire on the invitation we must clearly determine two things: What uniform will your spouse wear? What type of event are you attending? Your choice of outfit should match the level of formality of the Uniform your spouse will wear, or the role they have in the event. To Dress to the Uniform is to align what you choose to wear to the importance of the event and the level of formality of the uniform your spouse will wear. For non-uniformed socials always consider where it will be held and what the local interpretation of attire is.

If you are attending a: Such as a:

Formal Social Occasion: Navy Ball Formal Military Ball Military Wedding Party Social Ball Dinner Dress Blue Jacket (Miniature Medals) Dinner Dress White Jacket (Miniature Medals) Long Gown Elegant Formal Long Skirt/Suit Tuxedo Dinner Dress Blue (Miniature Medals) Dinner Dress White (Miniature Medals) Long gown Elegant Cocktail Dress Tuxedo

Prescribed Uniform: Ladies would wear: Gentleman wear: Alternate Uniform: Ladies would wear: Gentlemen wear:

If you are attending a: Such as a:

Formal Ceremonial Event Change of Command Awards Ceremony (formal) Commissioning Ships Christening Decommissioning Inauguration Retirement (formal) Promotion (formal) Full Dress Blue (Full Sized Medals) Full Dress White (Full sized Medals) Suit Style Dress Conservative Pants Suit Business Suit

Prescribed Uniform: Ladies would wear: Gentlemen wear:

If you are attending a: Such as a:

Business or Official Meeting Navy League Luncheon Dinner Meeting Wedding Funeral Retirement Promotion Guest Speaking Engagement Service Dress Blue (Ribbons) Service Dress White (Ribbons) Summer White (Ribbons) Dressy Dress Suit Dress Pants suit Suit or Sport coat with tie

Prescribed Uniform:

Ladies would wear: Gentlemen wear:

If you are attending an: Such as a:

Area Social (usually in summer months) Summer Social Local Reception Ombudsman Appreciation Summer White (Ribbons) Service Dress Blue (if after seasonal uniform change) Dress Dressy Separates Professional Slacks/Blouse Sport coat

Prescribed Uniform: Ladies would wear: Gentlemen wear:

If you are attending an: Such as a:

Informal or Casual Event Casual Business Lunch Ombudsman Assembly Meeting CPO Pinning Ceremony Khaki Ball Service Khaki (Top Row of Ribbons only if desired)

Prescribed Uniform: Ladies would wear:

Gentlemen wear:

Casual Conservative Dress Slacks/Blouse Skirt/Sweater Set Pant Suit Cocktail Dress (appropriate for Khaki Ball only) Slacks with Open Collar or Polo/Golf style Shirt

If you are attending a: Ladies would wear: Gentlemen wear:

Very Casual Picnic or Bar-B-Que Capri Pants/Blouse Summer Dress Casual Separates Knee length Shorts/Open collar Shirt or Polo

Realize that people generally attend events to socialize- not to worry about or assess what others are wearing- but also realize that what may be taken home in peoples minds might be that peak-a-boo dress or a risqu outfit with the cleavage in the back, or maybe the overly casual everyday jeans and vacation T-shirt someone wore to a Change of Command. Oh yes- Daisy Dukes are NEVER acceptable. Social functions require a lot of planning whether it is an event like a spouse workshop, The Navy Ball, a retirement or intimate gathering in some ones home. The Host puts a good deal of effort into being sure they have attended to all the details for their guests so that all will relax and enjoy themselves. It is only polite that in return we give considerate thought to dress appropriately for the occasion. I have 15 or 20 Navy Ball portraits hanging on my wall at home. There are one or two favorites, but there are three definite reminders of what not to wear again. Everyone needs to dress in a way that they are comfortable. Each of our taste in fashion will be different, although it is important that we wear something that is to the same level of the uniform our spouse will be required to wear. Service members do not have fashion choices. You will feel comfortable and enjoy and event more if you take a little effort in choosing an outfit that suits both the uniform and the type of event you will attend, as well as fits your personal taste. Rememberalways DRESS TO THE UNIFORM.