All praises are due to the One and Only God, The Creator, Cherisher, Provider, Sustainer and

Maintainer of everything that we know and see and what we have no knowledge of. Peace and blessings of Allaah be upon His last and final messenger and prophet, his family, his companions, those who came after them and all those who learn and follow the correct guidance and refrain from the deliberate disobedience of Allaah. Thank you for your trust and confidence for sending this question. Firstly, I sincerely apologize for this belated response. I am saddened to read about your situation, unfortunately created by your husband in the name of the Deen (religion) which he seems to have a superficial knowledge of. You mentioned that your husband became Muslim when two of you were separated, later you got back together after you told your husband that you are not interested to become a Muslim. In other words, he knew that he is coming back to a non-Muslim wife, and he accepted that. His argument that he was having a relationship and then married another woman because he wants to make his Deen better is bogus and un-valid. He is neither honest nor treating you equally and fairly. His attitude and behavior is totally un-Islamic without any excuse or merit. According to the laws of the land, this second marriage is not valid. Your husband needs to read, learn and implement Islam on himself first and not fall in love with another woman "to better his Deen". He has to walk the walk if chooses to talk the talk, and vice versa. He cannot show good Islamic behavior, character, fairness to his family, treat and or convince you of his faith in ten years, is evidence of his lack of knowledge of Islam. What would he do if this new Muslim wife demands a better Islamic behavior from him? He should have behaved in manners conducive to Islamic belief and become a better husband, show you real Islam with his practice. Marrying more than one woman is neither mandatory, nor encouraged to better any mans Deen as your husband falsely claims. My sister, Islam puts great emphasize on rights of people on each other as well as on the rights of The Creator. It is in the nature of women to NOT to share their husband with another woman. No women can be condemned or shunned for it. It subsisted in the best of the women, the wives of the Prophet Mohammed (peace be upon him). According to Islam the wife is a life partner and not a robot or husbands property that can be put out of commission or replaced at any time without any consideration, concern, shame or feelings. Islam does not give any man a right to have more than one wife nor considers it is an act of piety. The Prophet of Islam (peace be upon him) himself had only one wife for about twenty five years and married her when she was 15 years older than him. Regardless of your husbands excuse, monogamy is a norm and polygamy a rare exception in Islam. Associating Deen with polygamy is nothing more than a serious misunderstanding or deliberate viciousness of those who propagate or practice it to be a right, norm or an act of piety. Muslim scholars are unanimous that accepting Islam with an intention to marry a particular person is unIslamic and unjustifiable. It goes without saying that accepting a religion for the sake of love or lust for a person

or any other personal motive and not for the sake of truth could only be called selfish at best. I would go a step further saying that Islam is a religion of justice towards all, not a smoke screen to deceive anyone and or hide behind it to protect personal desires or lust. A lot of Muslim men conveniently and selectively use a portion of an ayah (verse) of Quran without reading the entire ayah, having the knowledge of the context and or looking at other ayat (verses) of Quran on the same topic. The ayah (verse) about marrying more than one wife was revealed after a battle in which many Muslim men were killed leaving behind helpless widows and orphans. The entire ayah (verse) of Surah (chapter) An-Nisa (The women 4:3), where Allaah The Almighty says; And if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphan-girls, then marry other women of your choice, two or three, or four, but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with them, then (marry) only one. It is clearly evident that the discussion is about widows and orphan girls and not an open hunting season for anyone to have affairs, coerce woman and marry two, three or four. The ayah also orders to marry only one if the man cannot do justice among his wives. It is humanly impossible for a man to have two women and loves and treats them equally. The Prophet Mohammed (peace be upon him) warned those who do not treat their wives justly and said that on the Day of Judgment those husbands will be raised as paralyzed in half of their bodies. In many other ayat (verses) throughout the Glorious Quran, and the same chapter provides specific orders to husbands on how to treat their wives, for reference ayat 4:1-2, 4: 19-21, 4:127-128 beside many other ayat and sayings of the Prophet (peace be upon him). Furthermore, the same Surah (chapter) An-Nisa 4:129, Allaah The Almighty says; You will never be able to do justice between wives, even if it is your ardent desire, so do not incline too much to one of them (by giving her more of your time and provision) to leave the other hanging (neither divorced nor married). And if you do justice, and do all that is right and fear Allaah by keeping away from all that is wrong, then Allaah is Ever OftForgiving, Most Merciful. A Muslim scholar opined that; the requirement of justice, rules out the fantasy that man can own as many wives as he desires. Islam rules out the concept of secondary wife, for all wives have exactly the same status and are entitled to identical rights and claims over their husband. The above ayat (verses) also shows that your husband is in direct contradiction of the orders of Quran (basis of Deen). Regardless of what he says, it is NOT Islam but mens selective understanding, which create the false image of Islam and women are forced into an environment of living hell. You alluded to that your husband has covertly married this woman. My sister, there is no concept of secret marriage in Islam. An Islamic marriage must be announced, and he hid it from his own family? Why this man is robbing yet another woman (his new wife) of her legal rights as a wife? Why he does not divorce one, give her

rights, provide all required support for as the US law enforces and then please whoever he wants to? He may have a lot of supporters among men of similar characters. However, a Muslim is also ordained to respects the laws on the country he lives in except if a certain law is directly in contrast to the Islamic orders. For example, if a law makes it compulsory for people to drink alcohol, accept bribes, fornicate, steal, get involved in Usury, and mistreatment women and children, etc. then that law must not be followed. Clearly, your husband is in violation of orders of Allaah, the Sunnah of the Prophet (peace be upon him) and also the laws of United States of America. Your husband not willing to divorce you but forcing you to divorce him shows his lack of common courtesy and respect towards his wife of twelve years. It displays his lack of knowledge and practice of the Deen he claimed to have accepted. Islam clearly orders Muslim husbands to live with them peacefully or let them go free in honor without any ill intent or hurt. As a professional arbitrator and mediator I deal with a lot of family law cases. Under the family laws of California and also Islamic laws the marriage could be ended by; a) automatically (a separate topic, could be discussed later), b) initiated by the husband, c) initiated by the wife or d) by a Judge / Arbitrator. Nobody can force any woman or man to remain married where he or she is abused, taken advantage of, cheated, lied to and or unhappy, let alone the violation of laws and rights given by Allaah The Almighty and the laws of the land. Since, your husband is using Islam to knowingly justifying his wrong acts and positions, let me state that Islamic Law authorizes a wife to initiate and divorce her husband. Those situations are as follows; a) The husband has a serious defect b) The husband has a serious character flaws (drinking, cheating, fornicating, girlfriends, etc.) c) Husband is missing and presumed dead d) Husband does not support her within means (financial, moral, physical, etc.) e) Husband mistreats her (psychological, mentally or physically) f) Husband fails to perform marital obligations, etc. g) Husband has another wife and does not treat them equally h) She could also demand divorce on the grounds she does not want to be with him or have no feeling for him.

She does not have to give a reason to anyone to justify her demand of divorce. While we are at the topic of rights of women and marriage in Islam, and since you are not going to hear it from your husband, I take the liberty of adding the following: Islam characterizes marriage as a complete social institution and the foundation of the human race. Marriage is defined as a relationship between a man a woman based on rights, duties, limits, and responsibilities on both parties. According to the traditions of the Prophet (peace be upon him); The wife is not a plaything in the hands of husband, but a moral responsibility, and an equal spiritual being which is entrusted to him. The Glorious Quran in many ayat points out the purpose of marriage, in Surah Ar-Roum (30:21), Allaah The Almighty says And of His signs that He (Allaah) created mates for you like yourselves so you find peace in them, and He put love and compassion between you; surely, in these are signs for those who reflect. This Ayah shows that the wife is not inferior to her husband nor the husband is created from any superior material but both are progeny of Adam and Eve, having the same origin and same soul. In Surah An-Nisa (The women 4:1), Almighty Allaah says; O Mankind be dutiful to your Lord (Allaah), who created you from a single soul, and created your mate, and from the two of them scattered many men and women. This Ayah shows that Islam regards marriage as a commitment which the couples make to one another as well as to Allaah the Almighty. They are expected to work for mutual fulfillment, love, peace, kindness, solace and hope. In Surah Al-Baqarah (2:187), Allaah the Almighty says; Your spouses are a garment to you and you are a garment to them. This Ayat shows that the husband and wife are for the mutual support, comfort and protection and cover each other in all extremes of life as a garment covers, provides comfort and protects. In the most trying times of married life, the Quran commands a husband to be kind to his wife. In Surah AnNisa, Allaah ordains; Live with them in kindness even if you dislike anything about them, it may be that you dislike something in which Allaah has placed a lot of good for you. Islam prescribes certain measures to make the marital bond permanent. When the parties marry, the intention must be to make it permanent. Marriage in Islam is something unique with very special features of both sacramental and contractual nature. However, if it does not work out, it may be terminated in kindness and honor, with equity and peace. The Glorious Quran sets that principle in Surah Al-Baqarah 2:229-232 and An-Nisa 4:19 and ordains that; it is mans duty to Allaah to treat his wife with kindness, honor, and patience; to keep her honorably or free her from the marital bond honorably; and cause her no harm or grief . Setting the course of behavior for the husband and wife, the Prophet (peace be upon him) said; The best among you is the one who is best to his family.

Prophet (peace be upon him) said; The best among you are those who have the kindest of behavior and best disposition to their spouses, such are those who show the perfect faith. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said that: women should be taken care of as someone takes care of glass. Glass is liable to break easily if not treated carefully. Men must be careful and not injure the delicacy of women because therein lies their beauty. My sister, unfortunately the majority of the Muslims does not practice what they say they believe, some neither learn nor teach their women what Islam has enjoined. Islam is the only body of divine enunciation that explicitly lists the rights of women in every facet of their life, does not limit these rights merely to semantics but extends it to everyday implementation as well. The appropriation of rights of women is a tenet of Islam that is widely confirmed and accessible in the Islamic text but not practiced by some Muslims. Though the dichotomy exists between divine message and its lack of understanding, implementation and practice by Muslims, one must recognize the distinction. My sister, your husband is erroneous and ambiguous when saying that marrying a second wife is his right. His statement is a total misrepresentation of a great Deen, and you rightfully wrote that, it is his excuse to cheat and lie to his family. Your husband must be reminded that once Prophet Mohammed (peace be upon him) was asked; Can a Muslim be a coward? He replied; "Yes" He was then asked: "Can a Muslim be a miser?" He replied: "Yes." Finally, he was asked: Can a Muslim be a liar?" The Prophet (peace be upon him) firmly replied: "No, a Muslim never lies." I am not giving you a legal advice, but if the situation does not change you need not to suffer anymore and may choose to seek the help of law, file for divorce, and as it is a long term marriage, do not give up any of your legal rights, including back spousal and child support, etc. I hope and pray for all the best for you. Please feel free to share this email with other sisters facing the same dilemma.