Changing Our Negative Programming About Money

with Phil Laut by Diane M. Cooper Phil Laut wrote and self-published the bestselling Money Is My Friend[1]. Today he is an internationally known prosperity consultant. In this interview, he talks to us about the programming that prevents many of us from achieving financial freedom. Diane: Phil, tell me how you got started in the money-consciousness movement. Phil: Well, my ''inherited purpose'' was to make up for what I thought my father lacked. My father didn't fight in World War II as all my friends' fathers did, and he also was not a real success in business. So later, when I was older - done unconsciously of course - I joined the armed forces and became a war hero and later became a success in business. It was 1975, and I had the life that most people would envy. And still I was unsatisfied and I couldn't figure out why. So basically I started looking, and I realized that there was more to this idea of prosperity than external appearances. Diane: Were you on a spiritual path at the time? Phil: No. It was very new to me. But I discovered that the congruence between spirituality and money is missed by most people. Earning the income you prefer from work that satisfies you is the expression of this congruence. Diane: You mentioned your ''inherited purpose.'' Would you explain that please? Phil: This is the purpose that you got from your parents - the so-called ''wisdom'' that you absorbed during the some 20,000 meals you shared with them. ''Be strong and don't feel,'' ''Take care of others before yourself,'' ''Don't make us ashamed of you,'' ''Don't disappoint anyone,'' and so on. The difficulty is that the programs we adopted as our ''inherited purpose'' are typically conflicting. For example, ''If you work hard you'll be all right'' - but ''You shouldn't want money too much.'' And ''Money is a good thing to have, it's okay to have a lot of money - but it's not a good thing to want it!'' Diane: ''You must be financially independent, but money is the root of all evil.'' Phil: Right. If you put all that together, you have people working at jobs that they don't like very much and trying to make up for their dissatisfaction by spending all the money they have or accumulating credit card debt. The other part of childhood programming is the wide variety of rules that are enforced, like ''Sit down and be quiet,'' ''Do as you're told,'' ''Don't do anything without permission,'' ''Take what you're given and don't ask for more,'' ''Don't take money from friends,'' ''Don't take money from strangers. . .'' If you follow those rules it is very difficult to earn the income you want from the work that you love. Earning the income you prefer from work that satisfies you is an act of defiance. It defies parental conditioning that tells us to follow certain rules, and it defies societal conditioning that tells us to accept the income offered from work we tolerate. Defiance is not enough, however. Also required are faith, a clear sense of purpose, a willingness to accept responsibility for results, and the courage to express oneself. Diane: So for those people who are entrepreneurs - the ones that didn't inherit but went out and made their wealth themselves - are you saying their messages were different? Phil: I don't know what messages they had. They got over them somehow, would be my guess.[2] Consider the people who told you to work hard to get ahead. Some people earn $20,000 per year and others earn ten times that. The people earning $200,000 per year can't be working ten times harder.

Diane: So what I'm hearing you describe sounds like unconscious programming. We were open to our parents through all of our senses - what we observed, heard, and felt. And ultimately our ''internal computer'' became programmed in these ways. Phil: Yes. Then it becomes a matter of reprogramming it by putting in different messages. And that's basically what I teach people to do over a period of time. I ask people to identify the messages that are holding them back, and then I teach them to change them into ones that are self-benefiting. You see, the people that told us to work hard probably didn't tell us that we should also have a self-benefiting mindset about money, which is just as important. Obviously, hard work is required as well, but we need something more. Diane: So what should we be communicating to our children about money and abundance? Phil: Kids learn by modeling. So the first thing that you want to do as far as finances is to set a good example for your children. Don't use money to manipulate your kids. A lot of people tell their kids they are giving them an allowance, but then give them jobs to do in order to receive it. Well, that's not an allowance, that's a wage. It's okay to pay your children to do work, but I think it's hypocritical to call it an allowance. Diane: But if you grew up with that kind of dichotomy, what kind of unconscious program will you see acting out as an adult? Phil: The first thing to understand is, it doesn't matter what your childhood was like because it's over. What matters is what you concluded from it. And so if your parents were really dumb and told you every day, ''You'll never amount to anything, you're a worthless jerk,'' you could have concluded they were right, or you could have concluded, ''No I'm not, and I'll show you - just watch.'' So the conclusions that we carry forward from the past determine how the past affects us. I can give you several examples. I have a client who is an independent court reporter. His childhood message was ''Don't make mistakes, you have to be perfect'' - that was the primary emotional dynamic. Now if you're a court reporter, that's not a bad emotional dynamic, because perfection is the least that is wanted in court reporting. But he had allowed that to spread to all areas of his business. He was basically afraid to make mistakes or to look at new ways of doing his business. I pointed out to him that his perfectionism was unwarranted. In some cases it served him and in some cases it didn't. I gave him some exercises to reprogram his thinking and he completely changed the way he did business. He's still a court reporter, but by upgrading his technology and hiring subcontractors to do the part of his work that was low paying, he was able to increase his gross from $1500 a week to $7500 a week. I have also worked with people who have had issues not from their childhood but from their work experience. I work with a fair number of medical professionals, and I had one who grew up in a very strict Catholic home where guilt was the stock in trade. He had an experience about ten years ago where, because of equipment failure, a patient died on the operating table. The guilt about that paralyzed his business and paralyzed him. Once we uncovered and resolved it, his business made about ten times as much as it did before. I also work with people who have inherited lots of money, and there are always a lot of counter-productive emotions related to that - the guilt about getting money from someone's dying, the fact that someone might have got more and they got less. . . The biggest one that people with inherited money have is the feeling of Oh, why bother? I have one client whose wife inherited a significant sum of money, and those people were among some of the most intelligent I've spoken to. Out of the inheritance, they set aside about $10,000 for therapy so that the inheritance wouldn't ruin their relationship. I thought that was an extremely wise thing to do. Diane: There are countless stories about people who have won lotteries and the upheaval that occurred in their lives after that. Phil: I had a client in Ohio who won one of the top prizes in the state, and it worked out that he received $77,000 a year for 20 years. When I met him he was in the 14th year of this thing, and he was just about the most depressed person I've ever met. I don't know what he was like before, but it was amazing! The guy watched daytime TV every day, all day long. It was really sad.

But speaking about patterns, I think a common one is the idea we get from childhood that all goodies come from one place. Usually people have reluctance about leaving a job and starting their own business because of the perception of risk. When you have a job, you typically rely on one source for all your income. When you rely on your own business, you rely on many sources for your income. Objectively, your own business has less risk if you're relying on more sources. This is a basic investment principle of diversification. However, because we're conditioned to expect that all goodies come from one place, it seems like starting your own business is way riskier than it really is. Diane: I understand how it could be perceived this way. It also sounds like this particular program can carry out into other areas such as all my love comes from one place, for instance. This seems to be something that is not only true just for money, it is true about every aspect of one's life. Phil: Agreed. Absolutely. Diane: So what would be a step-by-step process you would take someone through who was coming to you for financial coaching? Phil: The first thing I do is have the client fill out a very detailed questionnaire about their financial life the purpose of which is to identify what their inherited purpose is and what their major blocks are. I make the assumption that their goal is to earn the income they want doing work that satisfies them. I then figure out what their major internal block is to doing that. Then it's a step by step procedure to make their financial goals happen. These steps vary with each person but typically they are: 1) determine what your true purpose is and express that rather than you're inherited purpose. 2) Then, it is a matter of taking that purpose and turning it into something that creates an income by reprogramming your internal psychology so that it serves you. Then, depending on the person, the business opportunity they are pursuing, and depending on the skills they already have, I typically give them instruction - Business 101 - in negotiation, selling, time management, prospecting, planning, that sort of thing. Those skills should be taught in schools in my view, but they are not. Diane: In your opinion, how did the American public get involved in so much credit card debt? Phil: There are probably several factors. One is unreasonable expectations. Americans are impatient compared to other nationalities. I think the media has a great deal to do with this. The media sets a huge example about what we should have and what we can have. And at the same time it provides us with the information on how to get it. You almost have to hide in your room and cut off the lights and electricity not to be offered opportunities to spend money. The way I like to describe it is, ''Money without purpose is soon spent.'' Diane: What are some of the steps a person can take to begin to change these patterns? Phil: The first step is to get clear on what your purpose is in life - what you're here for. Diane: That's a big question. Phil: That's why it's important. You see, until you answer that, it is very difficult to answer all the other questions like, ''Where should I spend my money?,'' ''What should I invest in?'' and ''Who should I hang out with?'' Because it all flows from that first answer. Diane: I understand what you're saying. But I if I work in a factory, have a family to support and a mortgage to pay, and my passion is to be a violinist, then the step between moving out of my factory job to being a musician is a huge one. Phil: Yes, and then the question is: How do you respond to that kind of challenge? It is a huge step, I agree. You know, it doesn't matter whether you say ''I can do this'' or ''I can't.'' Either way, you're right. One of the characteristics of the

mind is that it is always right - it has got to be right. So when you start making changes, you've got to give up your desire to be right. If you walk around all day long thinking nobody likes you, then not only will people begin to behave in this way, but also you'll interpret their behavior as such, and you'll have evidence. After a couple of weeks of walking around this way, you can prove it's true. Diane: So we should try to be open to change? Phil: And realize that the psychological programming that you have received is just that. Programming. It is not carved in stone. Diane: It's a huge job! Phil: Yes, but it is way better than resignation. Diane: What is the most radical improvement that you've seen in those that you've coached? Phil: One of the things I do with my consulting clients is I ask them to keep detailed records of their income so I can see what progress they are making. So I have many examples. One would be the surgeon I spoke of. His income expanded by a factor of 10. I have other clients who are real estate agents and they have increased their income by factors of 5 to 8. The court reporter I spoke of earlier increased his income by a factor of 5. Awareness is the first step. If you don't know what's in your mind stopping you, then how are you going to change it? How are you going to change what you don't know about? Diane: So where are you headed now with your financial coaching? Phil: I'm moving in a couple of directions. I'm doing more overseas teaching. I'm also coming out with more and more products, a couple of tapes, and another book. Diane: What is the book about? Phil: The title is Work You Love Pays the Best. The book shows you how to make that happen. Diane: Good luck on your new endeavors! Phil Laut is an internationally recognized expert in the psychological and emotional aspects of financial success. His book Money Is My Friend[1], a 400,000-copy bestseller which has been published in 15 languages, deals with the emotional aspects of earning, spending, saving, and investing money. A pioneer in the field of prosperity coaching, Phil has taught in more than sixteen countries throughout the Western Hemisphere, Europe and the Pacific Rim. He says, ''I teach people to discover, declare, and live a noble purpose for their life.'' Before involving himself in the personal growth field, Phil Laut was a financial controller at a major U.S. computer manufacturer. He is a graduate of Harvard Business School and during the Vietnam War served as Commanding Officer of a Coast Guard patrol boat. He lives in Charlotte, N.C. To Contact Phil Laut, call 800-597-1923, or visit his website at phillaut.com. Footnotes: 1. Money is My Friend Paperback, 1st ed. 145 pp. ISBN: 0345432797 Publisher: Ballantine books, Inc. 2. Editor's note: According to Abraham Maslow's research, one of the characteristics of ''self-actualizing'' people is that, for them, cultural conditioning does not ''take.'' (Maslow, Abraham "Health as Transcendence of the Environment" Journal of Humanistic Psychology #1(1961) p.1-7)