Marius Ei

DECADENA SINCERITII. O FILOSOFIE NAIV PRIN GNDURI SIMPLE

DCADENCE DE LA SINCRIT. UNE PHILOSOPHIE NAVE TRAVERS DES PENSES SIMPLES

THE DECAY OF SINCERITY A NAIVE PHILOSOPHY IN SIMPLE THOUGHTS

2008
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Descrierea CIP a Bibliotecii Naionale a Romniei Description CIP de la Bibliothque Nationale de la Roumanie Cataloguing in - Publication Data of the National Library of Romania EI, MARIUS Decadena sinceritii. O filosofie naiv prin gnduri simple / Marius Ei, Suceava, Editura ,,BBBB, 2008 Dcadence de la sincrit. Une philosophie nave travers des penses simples / Marius Ei, Suceava, Editura ,,BBBB, 2008 The Decay of Sincerity. A Naive Philosophy in Simple Thoughts / Marius Ei, Suceava, ,,BBBB Publishing House, 2008 Corector : Nist Corido Correcteur : Nist Corido Proofreader: Nist Corido Traducere n limba francez : Irina Lulciuc Traduction en franais: Irina Lulciuc Translation in French: Irina Lulciuc Traducere n limba englez : Tinela Nastasi Traduction en anglais: Tinela Nastasi Translation in English: Tinela Nastasi Tehnoredactare computerizat: Ctlin Mihnea Ralisateur technique: Ctlin Mihnea Editing: Ctlin Mihnea Coperta: Ctlin Mihnea Couverture: Ctlin Mihnea Cover: Ctlin Mihnea Editura ,,BBBB NNN, 2008 ditions ,,BBBB NNN, 2008 ,,BBBB NNN Publishing House, 2008 ISBN Tiprit n ROMANIA Imprim en ROUMANIE Printed in ROMANIA

CUPRINS

Mulumiri Cuvnt nainte La nceput Ce nseamn s faci filosofie cu pasiune ? Viziune asupra linitii Involuie Iubire mpietrit Realitate Cum se nate un oim ? Cum moare un oim ? E scris n stele O iubire interzis 3

Cnd pierzi pe cineva drag Dansnd n faa morii Altceva O pictur de cianur este suficient pentru iubire, pentru prietenie Epitaf Necrolog Testament Decadena sinceritii (n limba francez) Decadena sinceritii (n limba englez)

SOMMAIRE

Remerciements La dcadence de la sincrit (en roumain) Avant Propos Au commencement Que signifie philosopher avec passion ? Vision du silence Involution Amour ptrifi Ralit Comment nat un faucon ? Comment meurt un faucon ? Cest crit dans les toiles ... Un amour interdit 4

Quand on perd quelquun quon aime Dansant devant la mort Autre chose Une goutte cyanure est suffisante pour lamour, pour lamiti pitaphe Ncrologue Testament La dcadence de la sincrit (en anglais)

CONTENTS Thanks The Decay of Sincerity. A Naive Philosophy in Simple Thoughts (in Romanian) The Decay of Sincerity. A Naive Philosophy in Simple Thoughts (in French) Introduction In the beginning... What does it mean to do philosophy passionately? Perspective on silence Involution One Stone Love Reality How is a falcon born? How does a falcon die? It is written in the stars One Forbidden love When you lose somebody dear 5

Dancing face to face with death Something else A drop of cyanide is enough for love, for friendship Epitaph Obituary Testament

DECADENA SINCERITII. O FILOSOFIE NAIV PRIN GNDURI SIMPLE

Dedic aceast carte celei mai minunate fiine pe care am cunoscut-o vreodat, pe care am iubit-o enorm i pe care o voi iubi ntotdeauna, AVENIC GARD.

Iubirea se simte cu inima i se triete cu sufletul.

AVENIC GARD

MULUMIRI

,,Decadena sinceritii reprezint triri, emoii care nu au dat pace subiectivitii. Astfel, unele dintre aceste triri, unele gnduri, unele ,,filosofii au rmas n amintirile trecutului, n crizele existeniale de altdat i poate e mai bine c s-a ntmplat astfel. Alteori, ns, contradicia cu alte idei, contradicia cu cei care au avut curajul filosofrii, cu aceia care au avut curajul de a tri i de a iubi s-a transpus ntr-o gndire care mereu parc a dorit s schimbe ceva din imaginea despre natura subiectivitii. Aceast situaie se justific i prin faptul c viaa nu trebuie vzut i ,,refuzat prin intermediul frustrrilor (oricare ar fi acestea), viaa n sine nu trebuie privit ca o prejudecat ideatic n care conceptele, teoriile, cele mai profunde triri sunt exprimate de dragul de a fi exprimate. Complexitatea tririlor afective relev, dei nu toat lumea recunoate, o nevoie acut de filosofare. Este vorba despre o nevoie specific de a explica universul subiectiv cu orizonturile i limitele sale de cunoatere. Dar aceast ncercare de a nelege respectivele implicaii trimite la o alt problem i anume, cea a naturii umane. Or, natura uman nu este posibil, nu se poate justifica pe sine dect prin raportare la cel mai profund sentiment: iubirea. Astfel, dac iubirea nu are granie, atunci nelegerea mecanismului acesteia transcende i n spaii n care validitatea pe care o presupune devine semnificativ. De puterea acestui semnificativ se fac oarecum ,,vinovai cei care mi-au stat alturi i cu ajutorul crora am reuit s transpun cele mai multe dintre ideile care mi-au oferit o parte din extazul existenial. Mai mult, acetia mi-au artat c ,,Viaa e frumoas chiar dac situaiile sunt uneori de neneles, mi-au confirmat c ntrebarea ,,Eti OK? nate rspunsuri precum ,,Problema mea! sau ,,Problema ta!, mi-au ntrit convingerea c uneori ,,n via se poate da totui restart, adoptnd chiar n situaii specifice o atitudine de ,, Je men fiche!. De altfel, lumea din care fac parte mi-a artat c riscul trebuie ntodeaun mbrisat i aceasta n numele sinceritii, chiar dac uneori ea se desvrete prin decaden. Cu acest prilej, multumesc mult acelor persoane pentru sugestiile date, pentru faptul c au avut curajul i rbdarea de a parcurge aceste gnduri, pentru criticile constructive aduse, pentru ajutorul dat la traducerile n limba francez i n limba englez a celor mai profunde emoii, fr de care, definitivarea acestei minunate poveti care a nceput undeva, cndva, nu ar fi fost posibil. De aceea, vreau s amintesc numele unor persoane fa de care le rmn recunosctor pentru c au reuit s neleag adevratele triri cu care s-a confruntat subiectivitatea. n primul rnd, mulumesc Irinei Lulciuc i Tinelei Nastasi pentru c au neles ceea ce trebuia s fie neles referitor la manifestarea logicii afective specifice oricrei subiectiviti. Le mulumesc mult pentru modul n care au rspuns provocrii de a transpune aceste gnduri ntr-o form ce aparine altor 10

dimensiuni spirituale. n acest sens, le sunt recunosctor pentru modalitatea prin care au avut grij de traducerea n limba francez i n limba englez a acestei cri. De asemenea, mulumesc din suflet lui Dominique Besnard-Rousset a crei implicare a contribuit la exprimarea autenticitii n limba francez, dar i lui Mary Connoly care a fcut posibil nelegerea n limba englez. Observaiile acestora relev o ncercare serioas de a transpune gndurile i sentimentele subiectivitii n dimensiuni spirituale, specifice, de altfel, unor orizonturi cu mentaliti diferite. Totodat, mulumesc lui Nist Corido, Danei Slevoac i Georgianei Macovei pentru modul n care au contribuit la editarea i apariia acestei cri. Imaginaia lor transpus n grafica unor pagini constituie dovada cea mai concludent a implicrii lor n acest demers. Nu n ultimul rnd i mulumesc lui Avenic Gard, fiina la care am inut cel mai mult i care mi-a artat c o iubire profund i adevrat poate fi totui posibil oriunde i oricnd. Dac amintirile pot s te distrug, tot ele sunt acelea care te ajut s trieti prin creearea unor idei, a unor cuvinte, a unor lumi posibile: SIDMINA.

CUVNT NAINTE
Drag fiin, nainte de a parcurge aceste gnduri nu uita un lucru: orice gnd exprim sperana, iar ca proces teleologic acesta se transform n resemnare. Cu toate acestea, nu vrei s 11

recunoti, nu vrei s accepi aceast situaie pentru c voina ta este aceea care te pclete, te face invincibil, nemuritoare. Dar acest principiu nu mai este valabil i n nefiin. Slbiciunea ta i provoac dezgust i te resemneaz. Dar nainte de orice nu uita c nefiina este nelimitat, iar contiina propriei fiine nu este dect o stare care te face s simi frica, teama, angoasa. Nu uita c nu ai cum s fugi din calea nefiinei. Cndva, toi suntem condamnai la resemnare. Cndva, toi suntem condamnai la nefiin. Cndva toi vom avea parte de aducereaminte, dar i de uitare. Istoria te va consemna poate undeva ntr-un timp uitat sau ntr-un loc pe care foarte puini l vor descoperi tocmai din dorina de a uita de uitare. Este vorba de o lupt permanent ntre fiin i nefiin, o lupt n care rezultatul este cunoscut dinainte. De fapt, acesta este absurdul naturii tale: ambiie i resemnare. S-ar putea ca felul meu de a gndi s-i nemulumeasc pe cei din jur; ba pe alii chiar s-i nfricoeze. Unii ar putea deveni ironici, alii ar da dovad de nepsare. Trebuie s recunosc faptul c mi face plcere acest lucru. n fond, aceasta este lumea n care propria existen se manifest. N-a fi singura persoana din lumea aceasta despre care s-ar spune: Acela nu-i dect doar un nebun! S tii s vrei nseamn s fii printre primii; nseamn s lupi, s reacionezi, s ripostezi astfel nct ansa tot de partea ta s fie. n ciuda zbucimului interior pe care l are fiecare persoan, de fapt, noi toi suntem aceiai. Este, cred, cea mai insuportabil identitate ontologic. Viaa unuia nu este dect imaginea n oglind a celuilalt. Astfel, avem de-a face cu dou lumi: una real i o alta posibil. Datoria noastr este s trim, iar scopul este de a stabili care dintre aceste lumi este demn de noi. Acest egocentrism duce la un adevr mai mult sau mai puin tragic. i cu toate acestea, s-ar putea ca odat sa ias ceva la iveal Tot ceea ce vei ntlni aici nu sunt dect obsesii care s-au concretizat la nivelul visului. Gndul a venit peste fiin provocnd emoiile inerente! Nu trebuie dect s ai puterea de a i le recunoate i de a le accepta. n fond, nu trebuie dect s te resemnezi i s ironizezi resemnarea, s ironizezi ironia ironiei resemnrii. Cu mult compasiune, M. E.

LA NCEPUT
Persavosentloschecalcosventiuno!

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La nceput a fost un gnd. Dar nu un gnd care pur i simplu vine i pleac, ci unul care se concretizeaz simultan peste tot, unde fiecare maestru (profesor, dascl), fiecare discipol (elev, student) caut i ateapt cevaMaestru i discipol, iat o complementaritate absolut ! Discut cu unii colegi i mi dau seama c coala unde i-au trit o bun parte din via poart amprenta trecutului. Unii dintre ei sunt agitai, poate puin emoionai. Ba mai mult, ncerc s-i provoc puin, s intru n trecutul lor. Aproape la toi aceleai gnduri se propag din aproape n aproape, se regsesc amintiri Persistena gndurilor i a sentimentelor de altdat provoac spiritul. i mi dau seama c nimic nu se pierde, chiar dac imaginea proprie se schimb. Impresiile se pstreaz n emoii, n ciclicitatea istoriei, iar eternitatea exprimat n conceptul de timp anuleaz distana dintre generaii. Un gnd i-o amintire comunic ntregului univers clipele nevzute i neauzite de altdat Privesc n jur i contientizez un viitor nevzut pe care unii dintre cei tineri s-ar putea s-l simt cndva n oglinda trecutului care va veni: profesori, colegii, prietenii de altdat. Ceea ce apruse la nceput ca un gnd s-a transformat dintr-o dat n raz de lumin. n amintirea lor, s lsm ca aceast raz de lumin s strbat timpul, zborul s fie lin, iar pe cldura ei s fie gravat NELEPCIUNE! Zborul psrilor d natere unui zmbet de iubire, iar minunea Universului cnt i vorbete peste timp cu ceva ce a fost Dac la nceput a fost un gnd, cu siguran c sfritul nu va exista Dac neprevzutul nate idei, atunci sigur contiina va merge mai departe Originalitatea i libertatea de exprimare specifice demnitii umane cristalizeaz recunotina fa de clipele de altdat, cci undeva, cndva a nceput o minunat poveste

CE NSEAMN S FACI FILOSOFIE CU PASIUNE ?

- nseamn s crezi c ntotdeauna exist o posibilitate ! S trieti de unul singur n doi; s te vezi din perspectiva celuilalt; s simi nevoia de conflict cu tine nsui; s ai puterea s te nvingi; s mergi pe drumul autocunoaterii (dac l vei afla vreodat). Personalitatea unic n felul ei nu este oare o exacerbare a conflictului izbucnit ntre mine i mine ? Ce este necesar ? S fii calm sau s fii coleric, s fii slab sau puternic, s fii pesimist sau optimist? S-ar putea ca aceast necesitate s rezulte tocmai din abilitatea noastr de a observa Realitatea. Dar oare nu se ajunge la un plictis procednd astfel? ntotdeauna exist o posibilitate ! 13

- nseamn s sufoci pe cei din jur cu felul tu de a fi ! Dorina i puterea reprezint dou gnduri care nu te las s trieti ntotdeauna aa cum nu i-ar dori alii! La fel de bine, ele fac mai dificil problematologia propriei naturi. Contextualitatea ne provoac satisfacie i neplcere. De aceea, teribilismul duce la distrugerea ta ca persoan. La fel i bunul sim genereaz nefiina. Normalitatea nseamn contradicie. Anormalitatea duce la contradicie ! Iar echilibrul duce undeva ? Rspunsul este urmtorul : nicieri, adic acolo unde - nseamn s devii pariv ! Se spune c eti plin de virtute dac eti bolnav i nu ari nimnui acest lucru. Eti bolnav i nu spui nimic celor din jur - aceasta este virtutea mplinit, cred unii. Aceast situaie nu este dect o resemnare n faa morii. Dar datoria noastr nu trebuie s fie una a resemnrii, ci una a luptei. O lupt, ns, n i (prin) resemnare. Nu trebuie s inem ascuns n noi boala, durerea, suferina, ci toate acestea trebuie dezvluite i celor din jur. Trebuie s-i molipsim i pe ceilali cu propria noastr suferin. Fiecare trebuie s tie ce nseamn s fii suferind, un contagios nevindecabil. Fiecare trebuie s simt mcar o singur dat teama i nebunia i non-nebunia. Cel care este bolnav nu trebuie dect s plng n hohote n faa celorlali, strigtul de durere s-i fie puternic. Suferina lui are menirea de a-i impresiona pe cei apropiai. Astfel, cei sntoi vor rvni la boala, la durerea i la suferina celui bolnav; ei vor gsi un pretext n a aduce cuvinte de alinare n jur. Vznd infernul, bolnavul se ndreapt spre rai. El va fi iertat, cci a suferit, iar suferina lui se transmite i altora. Boala este nvins cnd se reuete eliminarea acesteia din propriul trup doar n clipa n care cel sntos i-a mprumutat-o. Miracolul propriei vindecri const n aceea de a-l face pe cel de lng tine s-i iubeasc boala. Rzboiul dintre bolnav i sntos trebuie s se sfreasc printr-un compromis. Cine va ctiga ? Probabil c nimeni. i totui, eti dispus s afirmi c totul depinde de acest rzboi - nseamn s jubilezi asupra bolii! Ct neputiin la un om bolnav! Ct neajutorare! Oare chiar un nimic s ajung omul la boal ? Omul bolnav este omul nesperanei i al durerii insuportabile. Omul lupt. Boala lupt. Groaza i sperana se aga de fiin. Orgoliul, ns, le face pe ambele s piard rzboiul. Boala transform fiina i d n acelai timp iluzii acesteia. Aprindei o lumnare i chemai un doctor ! - nseamn s contientizezi cutremurul propriei fiine ! 14

O moarte adnc, adnc zguduie carnea. A sosit clipa ultimului gnd n via. Pofta de a mai tri a ajuns la limit. La limita nceputului sau la limita sfritului ? Supremaia angoasei asupra calmului se face simit n toat fiina. Totul vibreaz n acest moment. Dorina de a tri s-a transformat ntr-un suspin sfietor. Apar roluri. Se schimb locuri. Triumful calmului asupra angoasei i va spune cuvntul n cele din urm. Muribundul nu face altceva dect s contientizeze angoasa i calmul. Rceala morii nseamn dictatura asupra trupului. Frigul este mai puternic dect cldura. Dar unde ncepe i unde sfrete cldura ? - nseamn s vezi disperarea unui mort ! Disperarea unui mort, iat cea mai groaznic disperare din cte exist ! S fii mort i s nu contientizezi aceast stare, nseamn s fii i s nu exiti n acelai timp. Prbuire i ascensiune se contopesc formnd disperarea. Ai murit, dar poate mai exist o sclipire de via n tine. S-ar putea s mai trieti puin. Apare gndul: o ultim raiune. Anticipezi micarea. Gndirea i simul se deschid, priveti n jur sau simi fr s priveti. i vezi, i simi doar ntuneric i cianur. Realul devine ireal. Spaima te cuprinde, iar disperarea se amplific. S-i gndeti moartea, s-i intuieti rceala trupului, s-i simi mirosul propriei tale crni aflate ntr-o continu descompunere. S te-nfiori de propria ta imagine, s mori i s trieti n acelai timp, iat spaimele care alctuiesc disperarea unui mort. Ai fost viu. Acum eti un cadavru sntos. Eti mort, dar trieti nc. Uimirea nu are valoare sau - nseamn s accepi resemnarea mpotriva propriei voine! Prin elocven este detestat hazardul. Ct jale este la nmormntarea unei non-fiine ! Ct suferin este n aceste clipe! Ct regret este n jur! i culmea, ct bucurie ncearc n acest moment s afieze unii din jur, o form incontient, de altfel, de a arta slbiciunea propriei lor fiine, de a ascunde propria durere! De cte soluii ai oare nevoie pentru a rezolva problema resemnrii fa de ceea ce nu va mai fi ? - nseamn s vezi c o lumin s-a stins i s atepi o alta s se aprind ! Cnd eti pe drumul nefiinei necrologul se concretizeaz, iar tristeea i bucuria vor veni lng tine. Voina i ambiia dispar i ele. i ct de mult te-au ajutat n fiin ! Prietenii, dac exist, dispar i ei. Dumanii la fel ! Iar cei dragi .Pe cei dragi i-ai prsit i nu contientizezi c nu-i mai pas de ei. Pe cei dragi nefiina i transform n suferinzi, n nebuni, n neputincioi n a nelege moartea, n nite resemnai ! Nefiina e lng ei, iar ei sunt lng nefiin. Comunicarea se 15

realizeaz prin suspin i tcere, prin lacrimi i nepsare, transformare i disperare. Ce rmne ? Cutremurarea care va disprea i ea cndva - nseamn s meditezi privind acolo, undeva ! Meditezi profund i spui: ,,exist, ,,nu exist. i spui: ,,probabil, iar probabilul devine altceva .a.m.d. Privind acolo, undeva i dai seama de starea confuz care nvluie propria fiin. Te cutremuri, te nspimni. Frica a fost dintotdeauna n tine, iar contientizarea acesteia i provoac o stare de singurtate. Singurtatea apare cnd intensitatea fricii crete. Frica i blocheaz reaciile, dar i d i un curaj nebunesc. Privind acolo, undeva te ntrebi: ,,oare exist o lume unic sau una situat ntr-o alta etc ?. Pluralitatea lumii ofer ambiguitatea care acolo undeva, cndva - nseamn s-i provoci o ran n existen ! Ne-am ndeprtat cu toii de trecut. Artificialitatea determin dispariia spiritului. Acolo unde spiritul lipsete dispare orice iniiativ de a tri. S fim condamnai la non-spiritualitate ? Pretindem c trim ntr-un timp prezent. Existena reprezint primejdie pentru creaie. Ofensiva noastr este de fapt atacul nostru. Existena care se autodistruge devine, de asemenea, primejdie pentru creaie - nseamn s te contrazici ! Ce lume blnd ! Blndee mercantil ! Trim ntr-o stare de beatitudine, de delir nemrginit. Suntem prizonierii de ce-ului. Suntem optimiti pentru c avem dreptul la optimism. Suntem pesimiti pentru c avem dreptul la pesimism. Alegem orice, dar alegem ceva anume. Ne autoinvitm la existen, iar apoi facem tot posibilul s ne distrugem. i totui, s-ar putea ca i o contradicie s fie posibil - nseamn s trieti deziluzia! O lume brutal. Peste tot viciu ! O lume nebun ! Scrb de tot. Pasiune ntre oameni. Nu servete la nimic s rzi de comicul acestei lumi. Nu merit s plngi. Nu merit s-o ajui s triumfe, nu merit nici s-o jeleti mcar. O lume n delir, iat ce suntem noi. Un delir nesfrit, un delir nebunesc. Prin noi, lumea apare i dispare. Se justific existena lumii ? Se justific propria existen ? Depinde de fiecare. Lumea ? O contradicie ! Lumea ? O deziluzie ! Lumea ? Un curaj ! Lumea ? O certitudine ! Lumea ? Ceva poate prea mult! 16

- nseamn s gseti o nebunie curat ! Adesea oamenii lovesc unii n ceilali. Trupul caut, spiritul gsete. Spiritul gndete, trupul gsete. Acel lucru, acel fapt. Trupul caut, trupul gsete; spiritul gndete, spiritul gsete - nseamn s percepi un strigt n ntunecimea minii tale ! Eti singur i gndeti. Intri n contradicie cu propria persoan. Ajungi la o contiin ncrcat. Simi un miros de respiraie cadaveric, dar i de libertate utopic. i, atunci, vrei s iei, s evadezi, s respiri i/sau s inspiri altceva dect iluzie i disperare. Un strigt se aude n ntunecimea minii tale. Un fulger, un necaz. i, totui, un fulger n ntunecimea minii tale. Ceva prea pueril, dar necesar - nseamn s gndeti gndirea! Lui Murphy: dac nu protestezi nu ai; dac protestezi s-ar putea s fie i mai ru. Cte cuvinte, attea tiine. Cte imagini, attea cunotine. Totul este mre, magnific, impresionant pn cnd intervine plictiseala. - nseamn s crezi c nu mai exist nici o posibilitate ! Cum vezi aceast lume ? De fapt, o vezi, o simi sau i se pare? Unii care consider a fi superiori altora cred c pot s profite de cei din urm. Aplic dictatura i teroarea ieite din propria lor frustrare. Cndva am cunoscut o persoan despre care cei nelepi spuneau c a avut o copilrie plin de timiditi i de frustrri. Aceast persoan a crescut, a tcut i a lovit mortal. Apoi a devenit un dictator mrunt. n acel moment, muli au czut, dar i mai muli s-au nscut. Celor czui soarta le-a rezervat nepsarea. Dintre cei nscui, unora le-a fost rezervat nemurirea, iar altora, le-au fost date timiditatea i frustrarea Despre micuul dictator nu se mai tie nimic - nseamn s accepi imprevizibilul ! S cni ! S rzi ! S plngi ! S zbori ! Iat cteva dintre imperativele de care trebuie s ii seama n existena ta. Analiza propriei contiine ar trebui s te duc la credina n cineva sau n ceva! S strigi! S contientizezi distrugerea! S-i plac boala! S simi moartea! S iubeti ceea ce nu crezi c iubeti ! Iat cteva din dorinele majoritii i, totui, att de imposibil de atins! - nseamn s-i imaginezi viitorul ! 17

Aproape tot timpul suntem obsedai s construim scenarii apocaliptice. Se pare c omenirea are o plcere mare n a imagina astfel de scenarii. Dar cutremurul fiecrei civilizaii nu se contientizeaz dect dup ce acesta s-a petrecutAproape ntotdeauna ne gndim la sfrit, dar la nceput mai rar. Imagineaz-i c dintr-o dat ai afla c mai ai foarte puin de trit. Cauza ar putea fi oricare. Care ar fi prima reacie a ta? Dar a celor din jurul tu? Imagineaz-i, de asemenea, c aceeai cantitate de timp i s-ar oferi pentru a reconstrui lumea. Cum ai proceda ? Care ar fi primul lucru pe care l-ai face? ntreab-te: ,,Ce nseamn s faci filosofie cu pasiune ?.

VIZIUNE ASUPRA LINITII

n permanen ideea de linite urmrete propria fiin. Ct de plcut poate fi! i ct violen poate genera n jur! (Ne)linitea nvluie fiina din toate prile. Cea mai curat linite se poate obine n singurtate. Cea mai pur nelinite se nate tot n singurtate. Cu toate acestea, linitea surprinde numai dac se afl n relaie cu altceva. Astfel, atribuirea unor trsturi explicite permite gndului libertate de exprimare, iar sentimentelor s se manifeste. Cnd se poate dobndi o linite pur? Strbtnd linitea crezi c poi nelege cu adevrat ce este binele, ce este rul, ce este suferina, ce este bucuria. Dar oare chiar exist unele ca acestea? De pild, meditaia cere singurtate, dar, paradoxal, gustnd din suferin i plutind n melancolie, simi c nu mai eti singur. Prin linite te consumi enorm, n interiorul tu avnd loc adevrate angoase existeniale. Prin linite, crezi c ajungi la autocunoatere, la reconstrucia lumii, a realitii, la soluii etc. Curajul de a transpune gnduri simple printr-o filosofie naiv presupune n fond o sinceritate inocent amestecat cu un adevrat delir ideatic, dar i cu explicaii uneori contradictorii, care nu susin de fiecare dat niciun tip de logic prin intermediul creia s fie respectate principii de baz ale gndirii. Aceast filosofie naiv ine mai degrab de o logic a afectivitii, a tririlor profunde, care are nevoie uneori de banalitate, de o decaden a sinceritii. Poate, de aceea, nemulumirea celorlali fa de ceea ce va urma, fa de gndurile simple, fa de meditaiile puerile, fa de tririle scrise se va transforma n ironie. Aproape c ne e ruine s mai expunem gnduri simple i s fim adepii unei filosofii naive. Este o ruine ce provine din fric. Este vorba despre frica de batjocura celorlali, de ironia acestora, o fric aprut din nenelegerea pe care alteritatea o afieaz cu nonalan. n acest mod, dreptul la 18

autoironie este pe deplin justificat. Expunerea gndurilor simple duce la prbuirea subiectivitii n naivitate. Un pretext n plus ca ironia celor din jur s se npusteasc slbatic asupra sufletelor care au avut curajul inocenei, al riscului, asupra celor care au mbriat o filosofie a zborului i care au avut puterea de a urma un drum al succesului, asupra celor care au acceptat ambiia i resemnarea, dar i asupra celor care au ndrznit s iubeasc profund. Copleit de linitea adnc, adnc ncep s vd o lume de care nu eram contient pn n acest moment c exist. Posibil ns s o fi intuit cndva, s o fi trit atunci cnd am avut nevoie de ea mai mult... n vis dorina dobndete form, iar materia se transform n spirit. Fora visului evideniaz o posibilitate de reprezentare a spontaneitii speculativului. Concepte cristalizate, amalgam de teorii, idei confuze, toate acestea se fac vinovate de explicarea visului, a unui vis cu o via dubl: un vis ce se dorete a se concretiza (dorina,viitorul) i un vis care s-a concretizat (imaginaie, trecut). Invazia gndurilor asupra sentimentelor evideniaz un potenial ascuns. Un amestec de idei, de concepte, de teorii trimit att la universul interior, ct i la cel exterior, spre suflet, spre stele, spre universuri paralele i lumi posibile, spre cunoatere i neputin, spre voin, ambiie i resemnare. Un adevrat spectacol care declaneaz rzboiul ntre admiraie i invidie, ntre ncredere i nencredere, ntre iubire i ur. Desprinderea de realitatea imediat justific demersul iniiat n vederea acceptrii unor altor lumi. Acest angajament (de)constructiv este ns susceptibil de o critic vehement din partea celor care au pretenii la normalitate. Fidelitatea acestora fa de raionalitatea excesiv i fa de pasiuni de scurt durat trdeaz o lume perfect nchis, o realitate subordonat unei dictaturi care guverneaz dup prejudeci nucitoare i dup principii greit aplicate. Astfel, nefiind capabili s redea inexprimabilul i simbolismul specific acestuia, criticii afectivitii prefer mai degrab s-i etaleze ,,intelectualitatea prin inventarea unor forme de experien violent, a unor manifestri barbare, menite s impresioneze nsi cultura fa de care se subordoneaz, o cultur de altfel construit artificial i prin superficialitate. Realitatea (re)construit i (de)construit constituie o imagine situat ntr-un orizont temporal specific. Astfel, obiectivitatea lumii, explicat prin subiectivitile implicate, exprim o mentalitate obsedat de scenarii apocaliptice, de renateri spirituale, de regenerri existeniale. Desigur, aceast situaie nu este condamnabil n msura n care transgresarea valorilor reactualizeaz simbolistica realitii. Altfel spus, realitatea explicat prin posibiliti nu exclude ca, n virtutea unei logici afective, s evidenieze structura pe care se construiesc unele teorii tiinifice. ncercarea hermeneutic de a descifra semnificaia simbolurilor i gsete justificarea tocmai n interpretrile date asupra realitii. Astfel, speculaii conceptual-teoretice se insereaz n 19

dimensiuni spaio-temporale ce aparin lumilor posibile. Care este n fond scopul existenei? Exist justificri deictice prin intermediul crora interpretrile asupra existenei sunt redate printr-un proces de decriptare a simbolurilor realitii. Contientizarea acestei situaii genereaz interpretri diferite asupra realitii. Mai mult, teoretizrile asupra acesteia devin inconsecvente n msura n care anumite afirmaii sunt imposibil de confirmat. Firete, ambiguitatea interpretrilor, confuziile conceptuale, dar i modalitile alternative de reprezentare a posibilitilor trimit la convenionalism. Cu toate acestea, elaborarea unui convenionalism presupune acceptarea de presupoziii care stau la baza nelegerii intenionalitii.

INVOLUIE
Unii oameni cred c aceast via este un lucru minunat i prea curtenitor cu ei nii. M ncpnez s cred n aceasta. Cci adunm n noi suferin, necazuri, durere. Totui la intersecia acestor drumuri, culegem comori, cum ar fi: virtutea, armonia i sperana. Pe msur ce ne ngrijorm, indiferena ne rnete sufletul. Viitorul depinde de noi. Viaa i moartea i pun amprenta asupra noastr. Adesea zpceala domin aceast lume, dar i emoia puternic. Este o puternic emoie care ne descoper o lume hmesit. Ne-am obinuit s petrecem pe mormintele noastre. ndrznesc s spun, dei ironii vor fi multe, c o ameninare ne pndete. Preciznd toate acestea, nu a vrea deloc s polemizez cu cineva, totui, vreau s admit c toate capcanele vieii sunt nefaste n legtur cu ceea ce numim fericirea noastr deplin. Cu toate acestea, iat de ce viaa i moartea sunt n profunzimea lor puin susceptibile de analiz n msura n care noi suferim mpovrarea cu aceste obsesii. Abia respirm. i apoi suntem dintr-o dat epuizai de aceast via. Este o stare neplcut. Cu toate acestea murim mai repede dect ne imaginm. Pcat! Gndul veniciei dezvolt tacit strategii convenabile de acceptare a inevitabilului. O gndire lipsit de prejudeci evideniaz un statut special al bunului sim. O astfel de toleran exclude pentru totdeauna optimismul, tocmai pentru c, prin acest mod de a privi realitatea, se contientizeaz orice stare de angoas. n acest moment, gndirea se revolt, iar din acest protest se nasc riscul, curajul, frica, grija. De asemenea, apar n mod iremediabil nebunia i nencrederea. Prin nebunie pasiunea prinde via. Niciun sentiment nu trece uor, nu poate cdea n uitare fr un demers recursiv n ceea ce s-a consumat deja. Moliciunea nencrederii rezult dintr-o lume n care situaiile sunt rsturnate. Astfel, ntr-o lume n care nencrederea domnete, ambiia se 20

contureaz ca o umbr a resemnrii. Numai cel care simte lipsa persoanei dragi mai poate fi demn de ncredere i, aceasta, ntr-o mic msur. Prin nencredere orice form de adevr nu mai este ancorat n realitate. Spiritul veniciei se exprim n vivacitatea celor care accept aceast perspectiv. Orice speran se evapor nainte ca aceasta s prind rdcini. Se realizeaz astfel o inserie afectiv profund la nivelul mentalitilor. Tragicomicul acestei situaii rezult din faptul c prin arlatanii i compromisuri vremurile schimb mentalitile. Interese meschine conturate la nivelul mentalitilor ndreapt privirea acid a nencrederii spre fiin. Mai mult, firava i delicata inocen a sinceritii este admirat i dispreuit n acelai timp de ctre ignorani. De altfel, violena ignoranilor, materializat n manifestri slbatice, brutale trdeaz maniere dezgusttoare. Respingtoarele urme lsate de aceast atitudine sugereaz existena imbecilitii la nivel existenial. Numai mbririle pasionale ntre ambiie i resemnare dezvluie dorina de a lupta cu imbecilitatea. Aceast lupt prelungete procesul de contientizare a autonomiei angoasei asupra persoanei. n acest moment, experiena spiritual evideniaz un proces organic prin intermediul cruia o form de sacralitate, imanent, de altfel, existenei, justific grimasele decadenei, predestinate, parc, a se dezvolta n spaiul lumilor posibile. O meditaie asupra lumilor posibile nseamn respingerea oricrei forme de reconciliere ntre violen i non-violen. De aceea, dac s-ar gsi un formalism adecvat, optim, care s justifice, s explice existena lumilor posibile, atunci unele dintre problemele specifice diferitelor forme de existen ar putea fi nelese. Mai mult, un astfel de formalism i-ar dovedi pragmatismul n condiiile n care prin intermediul acestuia se poate realiza trecerea dintr-o lume posibil ntr-o alta. Problema acestui formalism const ns n depistarea axiomelor existeniale, n formularea premiselor care stau la baza posibilitii unor astfel de lumi i n ncercri continue de a stabili corelaiile existente n cadrul acestor forme ontologice de manifestare. n aceste condiii, orice modalitate de abordare, de experimentare menit s afle, pe de o parte, cel puin o lume posibil, iar pe de alt parte, legitile acesteia, presupune un anume risc, deoarece poate duce la involuie. Cu toate acestea, ameninrile trebuie cultivate tocmai pentru a consemna n istorie sacrificiul celor care cred ntr-o lume mai bun i, de ce nu, n predestinare. Excesul de sacrificiu i entuziasmeaz pe cei care-i doresc non-fiina. De altfel, nu trebuie s mai mire pe nimeni faptul c dezndejdea este o form ascuns a acestei neputine. Simpla constatare a neputinei presupune s vinzi ceva din propria fiin. i ce se poate vinde mai bine dect ceea ce valoreaz mai mult dect viaa i venicia la un loc? Rspunsul este: iubirea. Un imperativ categoric se impune: s vinzi iubirea, apoi s o rscumperi i s o aezi din nou n propriul suflet printr-un surs plin de via i printr-o trire profund, plin de pasiune. Incontestabil, cei implicai n acest proces de vnzare-cumprare trebuie s-i asume nite riscuri, 21

izvorte dintr-o moral nonconformist. i totui, ctorii implicai n aceast tranzacie ,,profitabil sunt mereu ispitii, atrai n acest ,,joc al iubirii. Este o iubire mpietrit, interzis, plin de pericole i pe care puini au curajul s o mbrieze, s o accepte, s o triasc. Cu toate acestea, a investi totul n iubire nu presupune dect a accepta beatitudinea i paroxismul delirului, dar i de a lua n calcul falimentul afectiv concretizat prin sinucidere emoional (un act prezent, de altfel, i n momentul despririi de CINEVA DRAG). Cum poate fi neleas iubirea interzis, cum pot fi acceptate forme diferite ale iubirii cnd nencrederea bntuie nestingherit prin raionalitate i prin emoii n fiecare clip? n acest caz, nencrederea se nate din nenelegere. Situaii afective sub aspectul semnificaiilor atribuite prin forme specifice de iubire se pot constata chiar n cazul n care tradiionalismul nu mai funcioneaz. Astfel, din punct de vedere logic, ideea c se poate iubi diferit i cu aceeai intensitate nu poate fi neleas dect dac exist curajul particularizrii emoionale. Altfel spus, nesigurana n iubire presupune un pericol i anume, acela de a interpreta (raiunea se face vinovat, de altfel, de imixtiune n orice proces afectiv) orice stare trit printr-un proces de cuantificare. Ceea ce este iubit suport din partea celui care iubete cuantificare. Cu alte cuvinte, n iubire apar strategii de comunicare izvorte din egoismul subiectiv al fiinei. Ce se dorete cel mai mult? S fii iubit 100%! i cum s iubeti la modul absolut fiina? Cum s iubeti 100%? Cum s-i exprimi tririle prin acest procent raportndu-te tocmai la formele diferite de iubire? A accepta aceast ,,strategie de a iubi ar nsemna s iubeti altfel dect ceilali, trire emoional ce relev un formalism logico-matematic total diferit de cel al normalitii. Pe de alt parte, a mbria simultan mai multe forme de iubire i a ncerca s iubeti 100% tot simultan presupune o construcie artificial a crei structur s-ar afla pe nisipuri mictoare. Existena mai multor forme de iubire ilustreaz i modul n care se risipesc tririle, maniera n care apar procente nesatisfctoare. De aceea, e nevoie de un alt imperativ categoric: renuni la o form de iubire pentru o alta, i aceasta, tot n numele iubirii. Dar a crei iubiri? Aceast atitudine reflect posibiliti de manifestare a spiritului care simultan trece prin agonie i extaz, un ntreg proces de transformare a ceea ce este ntr-o form posibil de a fi. La baza acestei lumi stau experienele subiective ale existenei care dobndesc sensuri multiple de manifestare. n acest mod, simbolistica axiologic a comportamentelor, specific subiectivitilor implicate n cadrul respectivei metamorfoze, este amplificat tocmai de consensul acestora, situaie care provoac o stare de euforie a spiritului n genere. Lumea spiritului trimite la o emancipare de tip resentimentar. Alunecarea n aceast lume ncurajeaz suspiciunea i frustrarea, iar evitarea acesteia nu se poate realiza dect prin manifestri paranoice. Dar aceast perspectiv, dac reuete s devin convingtoare, sugereaz un raionament logic. E normal ca totul s decurg astfel, deoarece realitatea se supune att 22

corespondenei, ct i coerenei. Cele dou criterii devin complementare tocmai pentru a sublinia parc necesitatea gradelor de adevr n aceast dimensiune. E ca i cum ai savura linitea sufleteasc ntr-o lume zbuciumat, plin de decaden. A interpreta subtilitatea decadenei nseamn a ignora superficialitatea. Acest lucru presupune ncercarea de a obine perfeciunea prin imperfeciune. Altfel spus, orice nelegere mai profund a realitii dobndete conotaii care trimit la inflexibilitate i nemulumire. Aceste caracteristici reprezint stereotipuri ale unei analize riguroase din partea fiinei. Incertitudinea ns nu mai ofer nelegere, ci diferen de perspective, adic doar o ncercare de a nelege realitatea. Dar cum s nelegi realitatea cnd rmi profund dezgustat de mizeria pe care o mprtie fiina, cum s nu rmi profund dezamgit de aburul beiei pe care aceasta l eman? O grea infinit cuprinde pe oricine reuete s-i contientizeze lcomia. Fiine hmesite i doritoare s se exprime prin lncezeal i plictis. Dou lucruri sunt vizibile: amestecul omului printre oameni i discuiile animalice purtate de om cu sine. Pn la urm, spitalul, credina i cimitirul reprezint locurile n care acetia se retrag pentru o odihn care se dovedete a fi binevenit dup un timp care s-a scurs mai repede dect i-ar fi nchipuit cineva. Poate, de aceea, fiecare dorete la un moment dat o alt lume, poate, de aceea, se i justific existena lumilor posibile, poate, de aceea, unii vor altceva. Cei care se complac n repetiia erorii nu pot fi recunoscui n istorie dect prin atitudinea maliioas de care dau dovad n momente n care instinctul animalic refuleaz. Cu alte cuvinte, acetia pe bun dreptate ar putea fi numii repeteni la existen. Totui, acetia reuesc s recupereze destul de repede handicapul, ajungnd n puin timp s se impun n faa celor care cndva i-au condamnat la existen. Orice ar face, ns, ei sunt supui fatalitii. Implicat n manifestarea spiritului, existena, ca trstur particularizant a fiinei, se relev ca avnd raporturi diverse cu non-existena, creia, de obicei, i atribuie un convenionalism predestinat. Tentativa de a cerceta realitatea prin raportul fiin-non-fiin are la baz premise care ilustreaz o anumit variabilitate individual. Raportat la voin, intenionalitatea reprezint principiul care corespunde dorinei de a supravieui. Astfel, existena, atunci cnd este convertit n non-existen, devine evident pentru orice form de manifestare a spiritului. Prin aceasta, se contureaz un perspectivism ineluctabil menit s justifice recrudescena resemnrii. Cu toate acestea, tot ceea ce ine de o posibilitate, de o dorin nebun de a supravieui dobndete un aspect inextricabil. De aceea, venalitatea veniciei devine inexpugnabil, dnd natere regretului. Vorbete-i unui muribund despre resemnare i apoi privete-l, urmrete-i reaciile, i de ce nu, cere-i i o prerere despre aceasta. Totodat discut cu el n ultimele sale clipe de via despre succes i ambiie. Regretul pe care acesta l manifest n acel moment nu relev dect uitare i cutremurare. n acest mod, orice tip de moral este redus la simulacre ale propriei fiine, iar 23

mesajele apocaliptice drm atitudinile. Mai mult, orizonturile veniciei relev potenialitatea subiectiv care determin aprehensiunea misterului. Ambiguitatea posibilitii comport experiene ale continuitii, iar uitarea inefabil se regenereaz prin reflecii incomensurabile ale spiritului. n acest fel, fora resemnrii este resimit n contiina spiritual a fiinei, aceea care are, ns, curajul de a iubi indiferent de brutalitatea pe care o arunc asupra ei indiferena celor care triesc ntr-o alt lume. Totul nu se mai reduce acum dect la o iubire mpietrit.

IUBIRE MPIETRIT
O linite drag mie m determin s suport iubirea fa de cellalt. Un farmec subtil ofer iubire nesfrit alteritii. Floare de primvar, stea cu lumin ce vei cdea curnd, te iubesc n tcere trindu-i suspinul. Te ador n nemurirea noastr n care fiorii se las descoperii de cellalt. Dragostea mea, tu mi deschizi drumuri care vor disprea curnd n vrtejul veniciei. De aceea, prefer sinceritatea imaginii tale, prefer sacrificiul egoist, accept lumina morii creia tu i dai natere. Atept clipa de mine ... Atept clipa viitorului, atept ca frumuseea ei s vin mai repede, s ne ntlnim i s ne privim n fa cu un curaj ce nu are nevoie de explicaii i de justificri. M apropii de tine, de sufletul tu. Vd o imagine ce tremur intens provoac fiinei mele. O frumusee divin zresc n suflet i n tot ceea ce exist n el. Merg spre cellalt, ajung spre mine i simt rceala cum pune stpnire pe fiin, simt cum cldura sufletului devine mai puin cald, treptat ea transformndu-se n ceva rece, plcut de altfel. Sufletul mpietrit nu mai are puterea s ias, s se bucure, s rd. El plnge n interior, plnge c iubirea sa fa de ceilali nu mai poate fi exprimat i neleas. Sufletul mpietrit iubete, dar nu mai are putere s arate. Sufletul privete prin ochii statuii, din colul crora tocmai se scurge o pictur de suferin. E lacrima regretului, a imposibilitii. Fiina se mpietrete treptat i ea, iar soclul se construiete pe sine tocmai din neputina aciunii. Statuia ncepe s plng de bucurie, dar i de tristee. Bucuria nseamn acceptarea regretului. Tristeea e necesar pentru c poate fi ndeprtat prin bucurie. O (inter)dependen necesar logic n care spiritualitatea este situat la rang de virtute. Statuia e puternic, rezist vicisitudinilor, dar nu mai este ea. E statuia care triete prin speran, o speran deart care permite o lupt nte via i moarte, ntre statuie i cellalt. Statuia plnge - o stare afectiv care o apropie de cellalt, dar care duce la dezamgire prin nencredere. Prbuirea speranei cere condamnarea la moarte a florilor care au bucurat cndva ntreaga fiin. Imaginea plin de speran a morii nu trebuie s nspimnte pe nimeni, ci trebuie s aduc 24

bucurie, mult bucurie, o bucurie a regretului, a resemnrii, a decadenei. Statuia nu va rezista mult, ea se va risipi, vntul uitrii o va risipi peste neputina celorlali. Imaginea ei va disprea aa cum dispare totul n infinita dimensiune a tcerii. De aceea, statuia zmbete dispreuitor privind la viitor, la amintirile ce vor veni. Prin aceste amintiri dorul aduce un surs discret ce poate fi observat la ceea ce a fost cndva o statuie, un surs n care abia se zrete suferina alctuit din iubire, mplinire, dispre. Suferina lumineaz gndul, l face mai lucid. n aceast luciditate, totul are rost, totul capt un sens: chemarea visului, cufundarea n el, presupune, de fapt, distrugerea acestuia. Prin speran, visul pentru a se concretiza, trebuie construit, apoi distrus cu cea mai real cruzime. n fond, nimeni nu va rezista niciodat decadenei sinceritii. Orict de mult s-ar strdui cineva s reziste decadenei sinceritii nu va reui. ncercarea sa nu va duce dect la intoxicarea propriei fiine cu o moral iraional. Aceast metafizic a iluziei dobndete aspectul unei reminescene nostalgice. Singura ncercare prin care se poate salva ns fiina este decadena contientizat prin vis. n vis ia natere o realitate; n vis o realitate devine amintire. Refugiul n amintire adncete iluzia. Toate gndurile se arunc nverunate asupra propriilor emoii. n acest mod, izolarea ,,contribuie la construcia unei lumi n care autosugestia acapareaz spiritul deczut. Obediena alteritii modeleaz prin experien durerea, angoasa, resemnarea. Frmiarea speranei dezvolt tacit remucri i nervoziti care dau satisfacii profanului. De aceea, sacralitatea are nevoie de suferin. Succesul suferinei n moral se explic tocmai prin existena iraionalului la nivelul contiinei. Scepticismul i nencrederea determin ca nelepciunea s fie indiferent n faa oricrei forme de provocare. Ct de incitant i ct de nspimnttoare este provocarea! Ct adrenalin i ct fric se revars din manifestarea provocrii! O stare euforic prin care sufletul nelinitit se roag supravieuirii. Simplitatea rugciunii sufoc tocmai ceea ce are nevoie de mntuire: fiina. Prin subtilitate fiina refuz viaa anulnd generozitatea creaiei. Mai mult, simulacrele istoriei sfresc printr-un refugiu n nihilism. n acest fel, o iluzie mrturisit sau nu devine spaima oricrei forme de existen. Un lamentabil refugiu paralizeaz emoiile fiinei, iar o nelinite ciudat trimite la o suferin rece a sufletului. Certitudinea c nu este posibil s se mplineasc un destin nseamn, n fond, o descoperire, dar i o iluzie. Iubirea absolut e un miracol care depinde foarte mult de subiectivitile implicate. Misterul pe care acestea l afieaz nu face dect s adnceasc semnificaia actului de mplinire. Un salt fr regret atinge un dor plpnd ce valseaz pe ritmul iubirii. Doar un gest, prin care se exprim puterea unui srut, relev faptul c totul se poate transforma, c totul devine altfel. Printr-un srut timpul suspend nefericirea i aprinde zbuciumul suferinei. Insinuri provocatoare apar din dorine ptimae exaltnd iubirea. Sensibilitatea i 25

nencrederea determin forele resemnrii s se dezlnuie asupra celor ce se iubesc. n acest mod, aripile resemnrii nvluie fiina sub pretextul proteciei fa de turbulentele stri afective. Ancorarea n resemnare reprezint o form de autenticitate a fiinei. Paralizat de o anumit contradicie ontologic fiina nu exclude mirarea i dezamgirea. Este vorba despre o neobosit justificare a iubirii fa de cel din jur i chiar despre o atitudine care trebuie depit. n fond, atitudinea este cea care conteaz mai mult dect ncercarea de armonizare a inteligenei cu gradele de nelegere specifice universului. Totui, nenumratele tipare ale posibilitii ngrdesc personalitatea naturii n sine. Amintirile nostalgice vin s ignore oarecum faptul c orice iubire mplinit s-a consumat n numele unui sacrificiu. Mecanismul iubirii nu poate fi neles dect n momentul n care este trezit interesul fa de miracol. De aceea, simplitatea n acest proces se transform ntr-o hipercomplexitate spiritual menit s asigure revelaia melodioas a iubirii. Sufocat de nenelegerea celor din jur iubirea creeaz perspective care vizeaz regenerarea oricrei stri afective. n acest mod, caracterul indisociabil al relaiei dintre iubire i ur relev o paradigm semnificativ n procesul de (re)/(de)construcie a realitii afective. Dac aceast realitate nu este ntreinut de cei implicai n actul iubirii, atunci drama sufletelor este inevitabil. Treptat aceast ,,religiozitate se degradeaz i devine banalitate. Emoiile intense, trite, dar nemrturisite, suprim vitalitatea iubirii, prbuindu-se n indiferen i mediocritate. Uurina cu care se distruge iubirea presupune o decaden incurabil care prevestete indestructibilitatea resemnrii. Renegnd iubirea din cauza iubirii, respingnd iubirea din frica de a risca, dintr-o team inexplicabil de a merge mai departe, fiina se rzvrtete. Acestei revolte i lipsete ns, paradoxal, curajul de a continua lupta. Dac n iubire nu se ncearc paroxismul, atunci puritatea acesteia este bntuit de amintiri neplcute i de nfricotoare decepii. E cumplit s contientizezi c amintirile te ajut doar cnd disperarea i dezndejdea relev o form slbatic de iubire. Umilina trdeaz o realitate deprimant n care o clip de solemnitate domin sufletele mpietrite. n acest mod, gndul minunat al decadenei antajeaz propria fiinare. ncet-ncet, figura aspr a incertitudinii relev propria neputin de a accepta egoismul. S pierzi iubirea din cauza iubirii! Decepiile deschid drumuri care duc spre ironii i nebunii care substituie la rndul lor un praxis afectiv. Prin structurile lor, decepiile, uneori intempestive, conin amrciune, suferin, agonie, abandon. Aceast nemplinire suprim garania delirului. i, totui, se cade n delir prin anularea delirului. Att amintirile, ct i decepiile scurteaz viaa prin gnduri primejdioase i prin prejudeci chinuitoare. Drept urmare, maladiile fiinei transpun n obscuritate cele mai pure sentimente 26

contaminndu-le cu nencredere. Strigtele de ajutor declaneaz o avalan de nenelegeri i de carene la nivelul comunicrii emoionale. Iubirea se desvrete n uitare; ea se nate i rmne profund chiar i n venicie. Orice tcere exprim faptul c iubirea nu exist dect atunci cnd cei implicai n aceast emoie i doresc din suflet s iubeasc. O vanitate ascuns ntr-o form oarecare de trie sufleteasc arat teama de interpretare. O fric nemrginit ntrete convingerea c iubirea poate fi rezultatul unei pasiuni stupide care are totui pretenia de a descrie o anumit realitate. Cea care salveaz ns acest ,,neadevr este nsi iubirea. Aceast emoie repetat, ca supliment i ca refugiu n faa morii, nu face dect s ntrein riscul de a te compromite prin fric. Provocarea compromite curajul, iar frnicia certitudinii presupune exacerbarea melancoliei. Limitele n iubire stimuleaz mereu sacrificiile, dar i interesul manifestat incontient. O perspectiv n care este evident alunecarea n ispit, ntr-o lume a decadenei. Lumea decadenei presupune o emancipare maniacal care trdeaz prejudecile existente la nivelul minii. Dimensiunea comprehensiv a gndirii suport transformri genetice prin teoretizri i interpretri naive. Greelile existenei nu duc dect la dezgust, la dram, la rtciri sfietoare. Incertitudinea destram orice urm de raionalitate dnd natere celei mai linititoare forme de nihilism. Orice urm de suspiciune duce la ameeal, la decepie, la un dans n faa morii. O disperare sublim bntuie mintea dornic de luciditate. Abuzul de incontien devine eficient n condiiile n care iubirea rezolv problema dorinei. Profunzimea n iubire are un aspect pragmatic dac lacrimile se nasc din ncercarea de a cunoate fericirea. Un puternic fior confirm risipa de emoii, dorina de viciu, dar i pictura de delir care duce la revelaie, la extaz. Iubirea, ca expresie a sfritului, rezult dintr-o iluminare unic. Astfel, minunat devine viaa trit prin nepsare i tulburtoare este raionalitatea n devenire. Fiina ncepe s devin imun la orice act realizat mpotriva sa. Printr-o atitudine de nepsare viaa devine blajin. Exist convingerea n posibilitatea de a mblnzi orice furie nestvilit venit din partea celor care au impresia c sunt zei. Faptul de a da dovad de nepsare (prin aciune i nu prin non-aciune) nu presupune dect demnitate. n acest mod, fiina i poate analiza propria condiie existenial. Exuberana naturii sale este nsoit de o ultim mobilitate. Treptat, orice micare nceteaz, locul acesteia fiind luat de imobilitate. Totui, o anumit dinamic rmne n interior ca o dovad a capacitii de a mpiedica apariia veniciei. Cu toate acestea, forele lumii exterioare constrng libertatea fiinei care i dorete viaa prin demnitate. Deprinderile i automatismul voinelor externe duc la o tiranie ce se revars asupra fiinei, situaie care provoac ns dezgust, nencredere (de ambele pri), implicare pasiv. Interiorizarea, nchiderea n sine 27

determin o sensibilitate contagioas ce poate fi transmis n jur. Prin aceasta, se deschid perspective, apar imagini noi, se schimb poate i mentaliti, iar starea de spirit ar putea fi alta. Statuia ncepe s viseze, ncepe s decad, ncepe s contientizeze c este simultan o fiin i o statuie, ncepe s-i aduc aminte de o iubire interzis...

REALITATE
Viseaz fiin, viseaz, viseaz dac vrei iluzia! Viseaz dac vrei succesul! Viseaz dac vrei s visezi! Clipa despririi a ajuns n lumea noastr, iar din acest moment gndurile se vor transforma n amintirile de altdat. Dar ce nseamn s visezi? nseamn s vezi beia gndului, nseamn s intri i tu n dansul imobilitii. Visul i dansul formeaz gndul, iar puritatea acestuia transform empiric modalitatea noastr de a tri n acest univers. Dansul universului exprim ntotdeauna o realitate. La oameni acesta lumineaz i ntrete spiritul. Astfel, n orice moment al existenei, dansul i cntecul, prin divinitate, sunt omniprezente: dansul oamenilor i cntecul universului. Trebuie doar s tii s gseti ritmul specific divinitii. Dansul universului se concretizeaz prin cntecul Creaiei, iar IUBIREA se simte n aciunea divinitii. Nu poi dect s spui: Norii, cerul, stelele, fiina n sine trec, iar divinitatea rmne. La fel, rmn cuvntul, sufletul, viaa. De gnd nu poi s scapi i, de aceea, el rmne pentru totdeauna adevratul tu prieten n COMUNICARE. Strile interioare transpun dorina sufletului de a se manifesta dnd natere astfel unui sistem axiologic. Acesta, la rndul lui, transpune n plan gnoseologic imagini menite s releve puterea acestui univers. n acest mod, nemurirea i omniprezena exprim ideile de via i de moarte. De asemenea, acestea exprim ideile de moarte i de via. Toate acestea se vd foarte bine la flori. Florile sunt deosebite prin ceea ce sunt i prin ceea ce exprim. Dac ai grij de ele, viaa acestora va fi mai lung i mai frumoas. La fel i oamenii, dac sunt stropii din cnd n cnd cu idei, cu experien i cu iubire, atunci modul lor specific de a tri va releva nelepciunea. Astfel, ntregul proces al comunicrii d natere speranei de a tri i de A COMUNICA. Dar comunicarea exprim stri ontologice incomensurabile, iar dimensiunile simbolice specifice acestor triri dezvluie intenionalitatea propriei contiine. Aceasta la rndul su ptrunde n lumina i ntunericul nceputului. n acest mod, noaptea coboar peste ziua speranei, iar somnul i face loc n suflet. Elocvena afieaz virtutea, iar cognoscibilitatea realitii detaeaz delicateea divin de rul 28

voluntar. n schimb, natura uman afieaz o impertinen regeasc n faa resemnrii. Dar ea uit c i regii au regii lor. Ct lupt i nverunare exprim natura uman n faa resemnrii! Resemnarea este o filosofie care lucreaz prin glasul iraionalului. Poate, de aceea, exigena naturii umane nu vrea s accepte nuana metafizic a simului comun. O dat ce se singularizeaz ideea devine altceva, iar lumea posibil relev, de fapt, lumi posibile. Aceast transformare exprim o nfrngere a conceptualismului. A te ridica la nivel conceptual presupune o perseveren a ideii de a fi ceea ce nu eti. Experiena ontologic relev o imagine care trimite la resemnare. Astfel, mulimea de perspective improvizate de raiune duce la anularea oricrei forme de existen. Un scepticism exagerat se face vinovat de vulgarizarea ideii de a accepta viaa ca o form de manifestare specific: difuz i anterioar veniciei. Acuitatea acestei imagini i are explicaia n insuccesul vieii. Consolarea nu reprezint o recompens dect n momentul n care lacrimile sufletului nu mai au valoare. Dureros preludiu este viaa! Imagini ostile ale consolrii se altur reveriei. Astfel, realitatea sedus de bucuria subiectivitilor existeniale care iau parte la actul iubirii integreaz n sine gesturi ce dezvluie mrturisiri tulburtoare, dar i ambiguiti chinuitoare nscute din interpretri abuzive ale raionalitii. Toate acestea trezesc inhibiii spontane prin care iubirea interzis devine pur i profund. n aceste condiii, expresii simbolice se transpun ntr-o ecuaie n care necunoscutele au nevoie de interpretri metaforice. Aceast comuniune se estompeaz numai dac un oarecare parametru din cadrul ecuaiei respective devine recalcitrant opunndu-se analizei riguroase. Amputarea sentimentelor trdeaz o trstur particular a timpului. Cntecul acestuia mai relev totui unele zvcniri ale raiunii. Cu toate acestea, acolo unde dou suflete se iubesc exist dorin, iar aceasta ameete i exalt fiina printr-o atitudine contextual care ilustreaz sentimente binefctoare, profunde, adevrate. Farmecul prin care dorina dezvluie sentimentele provoac bucurie spiritual, precum i reverie plcut. Puritatea unei astfel de iubiri profunde nu va mbtrni niciodat. mpotriva unei iubiri interzise se pronun cei care nu neleg contextualitatea i, caracterizai fiind de logoree molipsitoare, se arunc n discuii dezgusttoare. Alii care neleg numai ce vor s neleag prefer s admit c iubirea interzis este un subiect tabu. n aceast situaie, asaltai de agitaia alteritii cei care se iubesc nu au dect s cread ntr-o lume n care nelegerea i tolerana reprezint criterii afectiv valorice. Orice nenelegere a alteritii se concretizeaz numai din automatism, cci iubirea profund apare, pe de o parte, ntr-o lume prea lene n a nelege adevratele sentimente, iar pe de alt parte, ntr-un spaiu prea strmt nct aceasta s poat atinge mplinirea absolut. Timpul iubirii, al celor care care se ndrgostesc este 29

unul care are pretenii la mngieri, la vis, la voluptate, la sacrificiu, la resemnare. Este evident aici angajamentul celor care se iubesc spre o strategie afectiv de tip pueril chiar, n msur s asigure certitudinea prin intermediul creia subiectivitile implicate n acest proces s nu-i conteste una alteia iubirea. Asumpia unei astfel de strategii n vederea ,,clarificrii sentimentelor dup un anumit model are drept scop atingerea absolutului. Numai c acest demers spre nelegerea mecanismului iubirii este ncetinit tocmai de limitele pn la care pot fi duse i nelese strile afective n genere. Forma de explicitare a acestei situaii reduce n mod semnificativ nelegerea iubirii interzise, a iubirii adevrate i profunde din partea alteritii. n acest mod, sentimentele se integreaz ntr-o realitate temporal n care efemerul elimin rigiditatea aprehensiunii. Aceast fric nedesluit rezult din apostazia subiectivitii. Sacralitatea nu mai conteaz att timp ct ai parte de fericire fr ns ca aceasta s fie contientizat. Dimpotriv, contientizarea absolutului presupune raionalizare, scepticism, particularizare, iubiri care nu se mplinesc niciodat. Cu toate acestea, n ambele situaii sentimentele transmise devin i rmn profunde pentru totdeauna. Un sentiment odat ce s-a nscut nu poate fi nlturat dect prin ncercarea de a fi uitat. El rmne ascuns n interiorul fiinei i iese la suprafa cnd este provocat de amintire. Dramatismul amintirii amplific suferina fiinei. Aceast predestinare reprezint garania c oricnd lumina resemnrii provoac ameeli i (de)cderi. Modalitile de exprimare ntemeiate pe principiul supravieuirii relev faptul c legitile devin inteligibile uneori prin explicaii aparent naive. nelegerea ,,ordinii n termenii unui limbaj comprehensibil presupune o abordare i o reevaluare a rezultatelor oferite prin intermediul experienei. De aceea, interpretrile asupra realitii determin forme discursive diferite de prezentare a contextualitii. Aceleai ideologii care fac apologia ambiiei pledeaz pentru soluii prin care mesajul ideilor nu este ntotdeauna neles. Inevitabil, aplicabilitatea celor mai ndrznee idei i teorii la nivelul existenei determin restrngerea libertii de exprimare i, totodat, genereaz conflicte ntre valori. n acest cadru alternativ, ambiia se distinge de neputin, curajul de fric i decadena de zbor. Numitorul comun al tuturor interpretrilor asupra fiinei este tocmai tendina gndirii de a adopta o anumit atitudine fa de ceea ce este interzis. Sincopele gndirii constau din tot ceea ce privete alegerea. Opiunea n cadrul oricrei aciuni reprezint un aspect subtil al libertii de exprimare. Cu alte cuvinte, perspectiva asupra realitii evideniaz i imagini nefavorabile rezultate n urma aplicrii la nivel existenial a unei metode mai puin inspirate de analiz-interpretare. n acest context, deciziile subiective se bazeaz 30

n mare msur pe spontaneitate. Perfecionismul afiat interzice orice ngrdire n manifestarea spiritului. Aderarea la o ideologie stimuleaz iluzia oferind n acelai timp i o imagine asupra integritii. Realitatea relevat i revelat transpune aceast integritate ntr-un sistem valoric. Mai mult, aceast imagine este determinat de o caracteristic oarecum stigmatizat de prejudeci. n acest mod, devastat de efectele punerii n practic a acestora experiena justific incontestabil orice form de exercitare a vulgaritii. Astfel, fantasme frustrante constituie dovezi peremptorii contaminate de inocen i de ignoran. Din toate acestea, se observ c ori de cte ori exist o ndoial exist i certitudinea unei schimbri. Orice teoretizare se concretizeaz prin tentativa de a bulversa sistemul cu riscul chiar de a produce mai degrab haos dect ordine. Cderea n desuetitudine a unor mentaliti, schimbarea, n genere, lezeaz capacitatea de nelegere a realitii. De aceea, din dorina de a oferi ct mai multe argumente pro, respectiv contra, subiectivitatea pierde din vitalitatea proprie, devenind mult mai sensibil fa de orice aciune n care este implicat. Aceast idiosincrazie o va determina s recurg la unele subterfugii prin intermediul crora s se poat realiza extincia acelor aciuni care au drept scop schimbarea mentalitilor, cu alte cuvinte, transformri majore la nivelul sistemului n genere. Dei imprecis, o asemenea imagine sugereaz o atitudine persuasiv. Astfel, exist foarte puine fapte care s redea sensurile veridice al argumentrii. De altfel, sunt sensuri irelevante n ceea ce privete demersul interpretativ-argumentativ n cadrul sistemului. O lume supus mereu devenirii nu face dect s intre n contradicie cu sine i cu propriile sale aspiraii. Astfel, libertinajul spiritului produce anxietate i furie, demnitate i afectivitate. Tocmai pentru c produce raporturi de opoziie spiritul supravieuiete prin subtilitate. Desvrirea se transfigureaz n imagini simbolice menite parc a da nelesuri benefice i care se revars ntr-o modest existen. Variabilitatea preferinelor constituie un cadru de analiz care evideniaz o modalitate elegant a spiritului de a supravieui. Modelrile simbolice rezultate permit creearea posibilului n funcie de anumite strategii de interpretare. Cu toate acestea, consecinele teribile ale acestei abordri exprim faptul c emiterea unor noi teorii poate duce la marginalizare i la ironie. n acest mod, din subestimare libertatea de exprimare nu mai are nicio valoare. Indolena ubicuitii blajine impune tririlor adulaia. Mila, euforia, apatia sugereaz c uitarea melodioas presupune imuabilitatea coincidenei autonome. Teoria emulaiei implic utopie balsamic, emoionant, suav, comensurabil. Sentimentele axiomatice nu uresc (uitarea imanent intuiete iubirea) nobila intensitate, chibzuina impuntoare, obiceiurile decente ale timpului agresiv. Intensitatea ucigtoare, banalitatea incert romaneaz exactitatea anomaliilor impuse. Natura tririlor emoionale reflect zburdalnica iubire stimulnd adoraia. Exilul 31

suspiciunii transmite exigen prin refuzul obiectivitii finale. Ucigtoarea nulitate dezvolt apatie i imundicitate agasant. Dansul eternitii valorizeaz adevrata reuit artnd totodat armonia.

CUM SE NATE UN OIM?

Cum se nate un oim? Din decadena celorlali. Cnd o idee apare expus fr niciun fel de argumentare, atunci e privit cu reticen de ceilali. Aceasta este obligat s reziste nenelegerii. De parc e obligatoriu s dea socoteal cuiva pentru trirea pe care o transmite. ntr-un loc plin de culoare care nu are nicio culoare, totul e alb-cenuiu, totul e un cer unde grijile pier, fiecare plnge i se plnge apelnd la un dor pribeag, dar i la ideea destinului. Puternicul glas al sufletului exprim ritmul necontenit al dulcelui fior al morii. Un zmbet discret se vede pe faa senin a resemnrii. Nu poi s tii c ironia acestuia a dat natere unei iubiri ascunse n care suferina s-a manifestat prin linite. Sufletul mhnit a generat o cenzur din partea sentimentelor. O ntlnire presupune un plan i un destin. Neavnd puterea de a cuceri albastru infinit al nemrginirii, ochii ti se vor ndrepta spre ecoul sufletului meu. i, totui, cine e muza mea? Linitea difuz a timpului care se tot dilat, fr a spune ns cuiva, mi rspunde c muza mea e viaa. O ultim privire, un ultim suspin, un ultim horcit din partea istoriei, dar i a iubirii. Despriri dureroase duc la o beie cauzat din degustarea veninului. Sufletul plnge, dar fr s se mai exteriorizeze prin lacrimi. nc mai are puterea i curajul s viseze la speran. Frumuseea zborului mascheaz pericolul prbuirii. Zmbetul resemnrii nu trebuie s aib pretenii de la nimeni. De aceea, n zborul su oimul se odihnete lng un prieten adevrat (cndva nu crezuse n prietenie), lng statuia care triete un vis. Visul acesteia este de a se desprinde de locul n care este fixat i s plece ct mai departe, alturi de prietenul su cel mai bun, oimul. S mbini resemnarea cu ambiia i s le oferi ca o ultim speran celor din jurul tu, celor dragi ie, celor care te ursc, celor care te iubesc! Ct banalitate n aceast ncercare! Ct putere n aceast reuit! Ct luciditate n acest compromis! Ct contradicie n orice form de exprimare! oimul srut statuia, statuia primete srutul cu un alt srut. Srutul nate lacrimile iubirii; este un srut ntre infinit si infinit. Orice desprire trimite la lacrimi, orice desprire trimite la un suflet care plnge, un suflet lcrimnd de dor, de pasiune. De ce plnge sufletul? Pentru c iubete. Un gest face mai mult dect o dorin, dar dorina este aceea care d impuls gestului. Un gest plin de pasiune n care se vede un zbor plin de dor, un vis ndrzne, o dulce iubire, un zbor de ndrgostii. Sorbind din nectarul iubirii n numele aceleiai iubiri ndrgostiii danseaz pe o 32

melodie minunat. Este un dans n faa morii! Este un dans minunat n care elixirul tinereii vibreaz prin ptimaele triri. Germenele pasiunii arat c iubirea te foreaz s nu mai fii tu. Germenele pasiunii transform dorina n iubire. Clipele se transform treptat i tot ce prea pn n acel moment plin de via devine inert, czut n uitare. Sursul este cel care substituie trecutul. Sursul este cel care regenereaz clipa de iubire, o clip unic, semnificativ. Ambiia i resemnarea nscute dintr-o iubire profund reprezint dou dimensiuni care alctuiesc mpreun un paradoxal mod de a fi, continund dou puncte de reper puse parc anume pentru a se completa una pe cealalt. Experiena pare totui s accentueze aceast situaie, care ar putea fi numit cu o ndrzneal obraznic, ntmplare. Cu toate acestea, ntre a teoretiza i a descoperi lumea se situeaz o provocare contextual n care contradicii axiologice regenereaz normalitatea. Prin normalitate este asigurat o aventur de neuitat, o idil ntre urenie i frumusee. Pe de o parte, urenia aduce intrig accentund obinuina. Obinuina cu urenia se justific tocmai prin imposibilitatea de a trasa graniele dintre valoare i non-valoare. Totui, anumite criterii axiologice vin oarecum s justifice prin consens o posibil demarcaie ntre diferitele forme de reprezentri. Pe de alt parte, frumuseea se transpune prin forme specifice de iubire care exprim un proces nentrerupt de schimbare real a ceea ce exist. Orice analiz sistematic asupra unei iubiri care nu poate fi neleas angajeaz un comportament care nu-i gsete justificarea n exterior. nelegerea nu se poate concretiza dect dac este neles simbolul la care aceasta face referire. Or, simbolul nu poate fi recunoscut, acceptat i neles dect n mediul n care este ,,destinat s se afirme. Altfel spus, un ntreg demers iniiatic precede nelegerea unui simbol, dup care are loc un ntreg proces de familiarizare spiritual cu acesta. Un exemplu concludent n acest sens l constituie curajul de a iubi i de a recunoate aceasta. Prin utilizarea unui ntreg alfabet de simboluri, subiectivitile implicate n iubire risc propria lor existen. Mai mult, prin stabilirea i concretizarea unei comunicri afective profunde acestea risc s se resemneze. Dar resemnarea poate reprezenta i un ctig dac transferul reciproc de sentimente se realizeaz prin nepsare i neinnd cont de raionalitatea discursiv a celorlali, raionalitate ndreptat, de altfel, ca o critic asupra celor ce iubesc, dar i ca o form de nenelegere i de neacceptare a situaiei n cauz. Curajul de a iubi presupune oare un pcat att de mare nct s necesite spovedanie? O atitudine nepotrivit este aceea de a reduce la spovedanie pcatul de care se face vinovat iubirea. Niciodat sufletele nu sunt mai sincere dect n momentul n care i mrturisesc i i triesc iubirea profund. Cerul nu se poate prbui peste cei care au curajul de a iubi, raiul nu poate 33

respinge iubirea sincer, iar divinitatea (oricare ar fi ea) nu poate refuza iertarea celor ce iubesc. De ce? Pentru c sunt momente n care aproape nimeni nu mai crede n iubire. ntr-o lume n care doar puini mai cred n iubire nu rmne dect s caui un rege i o regin care s readuc identitatea celui mai profund sentiment. Prin intermediul tririlor puternice sentimentul iubirii poate fi provocat cu o uurin debordabil. Misterul acestei provocri ncepe cu jocuri de limbaj, cu gesturi naturale ori artificiale, cu dorine mai mult sau mai puin ascunse, cu dorina de libertate, dar i cu un egoism care nu este contientizat pe moment. Toate acestea, relev o ntreag arhitectonic a unui proces natural. Influena pe care o pot exercita tririle subiective asupra celor implicai n procesul emoional nu face dect s sporeasc gradul de justificare a acestora n faa celor care nu neleg contextualitatea. Acetia resping totul fr ns a-i da seama c teribilismul imperfect de care dau dovad duce la propriul lor sfrit. Mai mult, cei ce nu neleg contextualitatea condamn orice prin discuii dezgusttoare, acetia ndreptndu-se spre o form impur de sinucidere, lumea n care triesc degradndu-se i ea n fiecare moment. Cu toate acestea, cei care se lanseaz n discuii dezgusttoare i n intrigi nesfrite au parte de impunitate moral din partea celor ce iubesc. Iubirea se afl i ea sub semnul predestinrii? Sentimentul profund poate fi provocat i controlat? Clipa care se nate nu mai are dreptul la mil, cci naterea acesteia s-a realizat n numele iubirii. Fr s cunoasc mila i neinnd cont dect de dorina de a zbura, de a fi ct mai sus, oimul cu fora sa remarcabil simte c orice moment se poate situa sub semnul predestinrii. De aceea, puternic motivat de reuit el risc i accept provocarea. A da natere unui destin prin predestinare presupune un risc, cel al decadenei. Un oim se nate din bune intenii, dar i dintr-o anumit ambiguitate a sentimentelor. Iubirea nu poate fi, de fapt, neleas dect ca o clip n care echilibrul devine dezechilibru, iar erotismul ascuns undeva n subcontient refuleaz prin explicaii pragmatice. Inepuizabil surs de moralitate viciat reprezint normalitatea n iubire. i, totui, dac ar fi altfel, excesul de raionalitate nu ar depinde pn la urm dect tot de o trire subiectiv. O cantitate deloc neglijabil de spontaneitate s-ar face ,,vinovat de ceea ce va lua natere n viitor i anume, o iubire interzis. Predominana sentimentelor incontiente furnizeaz nainte de toate dovada ponderii nesemnificative pe care ar dobndi-o raionalitatea n actul iubirii. Dar cum din iubire apar destine manifestarea anumitor forme de moralitate nu scuz cu nimic reputaia mai mult sau mai puin convenabil a celui dornic de a vedea lumea de undeva de sus. Dorina de a fi ct mai sus genereaz o for extraordinar menit, pe de o parte, s asigure ncrederea, demnitatea, succesul, iar pe de alt parte, s garanteze vanitatea, eroarea, viciul. 34

Resemnarea devine atrgtoare att timp ct arogana nu reuete s-i impun autoritatea. n acest mod, suferina rezultat dintr-o meditaie asupra resemnrii asigur linite i consolare. Prin manifestarea afectivitii sunt ilustrate realiti aparent inconsecvente care se fac vinovate de faptul c genereaz interpretri complexe. Astfel, tainele oricrui sentiment profund pot fi desluite prin capriciu i impertinen. Uneori, ns, prin intermediul experienei resemnarea duce la confuzie afectiv. De aceea, orice form de resemnare trebuie venerat din momentul n care ea apare la nivel existenial. Conotaii metaforice permit subiectivitii s afieze o receptivitate spontan n faa resemnrii. n aceast situaie, atitudinea determin o reacie complex care produce la un anumit nivel de realitate structuri raional-afective. De asemenea, resemnarea are un rol important n stabilirea unor repere existeniale. Este vorba despre un pragmatism care nu depinde numai de (re)(de)construcia realitii, ci i de modul n care este interpretat aceasta. Dar aceast interpretare depinde de o form de imaginar care trimite la o nou modalitate de nelegere conceptual a realitii contextuale. Aceast atitudine este semnificativ mai ales n ceea ce privete specificitatea limitrilor din modurile de gndire. Gradul de inteligibilitate nu justific i naterea subiectivitii. Tocmai pentru c triete ntr-o dimensiune moral, subiectivitatea dorete controlul asupra existenei. Totui, libertatea de care ea dispune nu este una absolut, pentru c oricnd ceea ce este numit destin poate s ilustreze o anumit posibilitate de autoorganizare. Altfel spus, independena este uneori mai puin eficient dect dependena. Analiza acestei problematici evideniaz din punctul de vedere al nelegerii o trecere de la logic la ilogic. Aceast trecere se realizeaz n momentul n care interpretrile legate de naterea subiectivitii exprim, de fapt, mai mult dect o identitate. Diversitatea de forme ale identitii atribuite subiectivitii este relevant pentru existen n condiiile n care paradigmele devin utile prin raportare la anumite criterii. Prin aceste sublinieri, ideea naterii unei subiectiviti trimite la relativism, adic la o nou modalitate de nelegere conceptual a unei realiti lingvistice. De aceea, imaginile rezultate n urma acestui scenariu presupun acceptarea de noi sensuri ale identitii. Evitnd o anumit ambiguitate semantic, o nedorit confuzie conceptual (identitatea personal, identitatea lumilor posibile, identitatea lingvistic), raiunile dup care subiectivitatea ncearc s neleag naterea sunt de cele mai multe ori contradictorii, uneori chiar ilogice. Cum se nate un oim? i din propria decaden. Cum triete un oim? Prin propria decaden. Nici mcar nu este nevoie s ptrunzi n sufletul fiinei pentru a constata profunzimea tririlor, a sentimentelor. Prin decaden orice form de existen este sedus. Principala form a seduciei rezid n faptul c iubirea are nevoie de impulsivitate, de sacrificiu, de vis, de iluzie, de triri profunde. 35

CUM MOARE UN OIM?

Cum moare un oim? Cznd n abisul regretului. Dar regretul este o form a decadenei unde tririle subiective se amplific. El zboar n vzduh, peste un abis, peste o mare aflat undeva mai sus dect abisul, peste victimele sale, peste tot ceea ce i d libertatea de a fi. De altfel, nu este mai puin adevrat c deplina libertate trebuie s se raporteze la un conformism incomensurabil n care dezlnuirea voinei s fie de neoprit. oimul zboar, privete i zboar. O mic oboseal apare n fiina sa, dar care poate fi nlturat de dorina de a zbura nencetat. Agilitatea sa l face de neclintit, cci viteza sa variaz direct proporional cu ambiia nscut din voina de a fi. O ncpnare care ascunde o durere. Este o durere pe care o suport cu stoicism i care poate fi ns depit. n zborul su oimul privete n trecut, spre clipele care au pierit, n ceea ce a fost cndva. Cltoria sa simultan n prezent i trecut garanteaz existena viitorului ce imediat i el va disprea n ceea ce a fost cndva... Trecutul revine treptat n ochii oimului: amintirea naterii sale, bucuria zborurilor, euforia luptelor de altdat, frumuseea nlrii, gustul dulce al victoriei...oimul zboar, zboar, zboar, privirea sa strbtnd mprejurimile, deprtrile...Amintirile trecutului se perind cu o vitez ameitoare, acestea alin durerea i ncurajeaz n acelai timp fiina, dnd speran i alinare, dar i resemnare... oimul ncepe s plng zmbind la lumea ce i se arat. El traverseaz spaiul lsnd n urm curcubeul ce urc i coboar n nemrginire. n zborul su acesta ascult chemarea dezndejdii venit n ntmpinare sub forma unui cntec suav. O clip doar mai zboar, o ultim ncercare i, deodat, zborul su ia forma unei prbuiri inevitabile. n cderea sa oimul strig, iar strigtul su ascunde o emoie. Aceast emoie aduce n linitea spaiului un ecou al resemnrii n care se desluete o rug de iertare. Este o form simpl de a accepta nefiina, trecerea involuntar sau nu, ntr-o lume posibil, cci prbuirea nu are nevoie de explicaii i pretexte. Mai mult, decadena nici nu trebuie s aib pretenii la scuze ale neputinei. O mare sumbr se revars peste aripile oimului, o mare sumbr care va duce albastrul cenuiu peste roua dimineilor minunate ce au nsoit cndva tainicile nemuriri ale fiinei. Raionalitatea contagioas determin o nstrinare a spiritului care d dovad de o afabilitate inexplicabil. Strlucirea ironiei n orizontul cenuiu ncearc s acapareze infinitatea gndului cltor. Purtat de vnt, umbra iubirii devine amgire cnd mplinirea devine primvar. A crede n iubire, nseamn a valida frumuseea zmbetului, a accepta susurul oaptelor, a gusta din 36

dulceaa ironiei celorlali. Greeala lor, a celorlali se transform n iertare, iar nemurirea oimului este garantat doar pentru o clip. Este vorba de un vis care urmrete alinarea. S iubeti i s alini tot ceea ce este delicat, ginga... Primvara totul renate, iar nimic nu e mai frumos ca albele cristale care ncep a se topi n albastrul cenuiu al infinitului. Lumina inund sufletul oimului ademenind moartea prin suferin, dezamgire i resemnare. Sufletul oimului s-a desprins, ridicndu-se treptat, ndreptndu-se spre nlimile ameitoare, zburnd i contemplnd abisul, marea, florile care plutesc haotic, strignd ,,Un oim a disprut!. Ameit de indiferena abisului umbra oimului are nevoie de o ultim mbriare. Astfel, dincolo de orice este posibil o regsire desvrit printr-o mbriare. E ca i cum ai cuprinde pentru prima oar o alt parte din propria fiin, o parte care completeaz dulcele srut al veniciei. Mai mult, deprtarea aduce cu sine un dor puternic, un vis mare, dar i o dispariie pierdut n abis. Un suflet frnt plnge, regret bucuria unui zbor de altdat. Un suflet frnt rde pentru c tie c zborul i-a oferit mplinire. Sentimentul pierderii de sine nu exprim dect dezndejde i tulburare, dar i o retragere a fiinei n sine. Sublimarea iubirii ilustreaz puterea miraculoas prin care venicia se impune n faa existenei. De aceea, se impune un dans, un ultim gest naintea morii. Dansul n faa morii se concretizeaz sub forma imuabilitii. Este vorba despre o experien prin care sublimarea iubirii ilustreaz puterea veniciei. Iubirea profund este reductibil la nebunie, la armonie, la resemnare. Cu toate acestea, iubirea profund rmne, cu toat imperfeciunea ei, mai apropiat de profunzimea sentimentelor specifice celor ce iubesc dect fa de resemnarea celorlali. Prin resemnare iubirea profund nu se epuizeaz, ci devine semnificativ. Perceput drept o modalitate autentic a experienei subiective, iubirea profund se transpune n posibiliti crend universuri multiple. Nelinitea sufletelor nvluite de iubire tinde nencetat spre intimitate i influeneaz n fiecare moment modul prin care realitatea este perceput. Dar realitatea i dezvluie prin experiene subiective universurile alternative, lumile posibile. n aceste dimensiuni existeniale subiectivitatea are parte de forme diferite de iubire, forme care se transpun n multiple niveluri de nelegere. Dei consubstanial iubirea profund se desvrete n dimensiuni spaio-temporale afective n care ideea de artificialitate nu poate fi conceput. A cunoate forme diferite de iubire nu presupune nimic altceva dect a tri periculos (magnetismul n iubire nu poate fi cenzurat), dar i a-i determina pe cei din jur s-i exteriorizeze reaciile violente fa de iubire. Cu toate acestea, n numele iubirii profunde, pe de o parte, toate subiectivitile iau parte la o form de libaiune prin care orice emoie profund devine ubicu. Pe de alt parte, lacerarea unei iubiri pentru a face o alta s supravieuiasc nu reprezint dect un 37

spectacol grotesc prin care subiectivitatea se trdeaz pe sine. S rspunzi iubirii cu fanatism reprezint un gest care nu mai are nevoie de nicio explicaie. Caracteristica intern a posibilitii este determinat de nsi condiia generic de care depinde resemnarea. Indiferena sensului pe care l relev resemnarea trimite la un rspuns generalizat, vinovat oarecum de eroare logic, pe care se ntemeiaz continuitatea. De partea cealalt a nelegerii, discontinuitatea soluiilor produce la nivel existenial diferen. n acelai timp, complementaritatea este profund implicat n tot acest proces de regenerare. Or, tocmai printro astfel de percepie subiectivitile se constituie ca tez i antitez, entiti care comunic prin intermediul complementaritii. De la o clip la alta viaa este diferit i, de aceea, realitatea pentru a fi neleas are nevoie de cuvntul-simbol. Dar existena diferitelor criterii poate justifica adevrul sau falsitatea unei teorii? Prin interpretri se construiesc realiti, dar realiti care nu se raporteaz la aceleai criterii prin intermediul crora s fie ,,justificat existena. Cuvntul-simbol nu descrie realitatea, ci d acesteia puterea de a se releva prin intermediul unor dimensiuni explicative. Un ntreg proces contagios dezvluie interpretri alternative asupra realitii. Multiplicarea pretextelor duce la o contemplare a aciunii. n acest mod, exercitarea acesteia n sublim reprezint o reminescen a neputinei. Adevrata noblee a spiritului devoreaz sensibilitatea ireductibil a gndului. Astfel, timpul empiric al subiectivitilor introduce necesitatea problematizrii. n plus, geneza soluiilor pe care aceasta le ofer furnizeaz subiectivitilor o logic a posibilului. n interiorul fiinei intensitatea sentimentelor exprim dorina. Astfel, acestea printr-un ntreg proces de simultaneitate exprim raporturi difereniale. Fiecare subiectivitate iubete diferit, dar la fel de puternic. Reciprocitatea rezult din existena raporturilor difereniale ntre subiectivitile implicate n acest proces. Fr ndoial c fora sentimentelor evideniaz rolul semnificaiei la nivelul nelegerii. n acest caz, visul i imaginaia furnizeaz i condiioneaz realitatea proxim. Orice se poate schimba sau se poate transforma prin deghizare. Astfel, frica de iubirea absolut substituie frica de venicie. Ambele temeri, ns, se subordoneaz prin experien identitii care tinde spre un singur punct: resemnarea. Totui, aceast perspectiv evideniaz o lege a semnificaiei care se exercit la nivelul posibilului. Anticipnd iubirea profund i venicia infinit destinele subiectivitilor converg prin diferena propriilor manifestri existeniale spre dimensiuni spaio-temporale problematizante. Este vorba, de fapt, despre rentoarcerea la ceea ce este intuit, dar care nu poate fi neles i nici descris. oimul simte c nu va mai fi, el tie c n cel mai scurt timp nu va mai fi iubit dect prin amintiri i, aceasta, doar n clipe care curnd se vor risipi n uitare i ele, cci venicia nu iart pe 38

nimeni; tie c va avea nevoie de statuie, de iubire; tie c iubirea se mplinete i prin suferin, prin amintiri, dar i prin uitare. oimul se prbuete. Este o prbuire laconic prin care se realizeaz o punte de legtur ntre universurile alternative. Acestea nelese ca fantasme ale imaginaiei sau ca adevruri posibile se situeaz n realitatea nsi i nu dincolo de ea. Printr-o putere misterioas oimul i revine o clip tocmai pentru a cuprinde, pentru a mbria cu aripile sale pentru totdeauna statuia. Astfel, ambiia nu aparine deloc unei lumi iluzorii. Lumea n care aceasta se manifest nu este, n esen, mai ireal dect o alta, la fel de plin de posibilitate. Euforia rezultat din ambiie, spaimele provocate de resemnare, emoia nscut din zbor i decaden, toate acestea presupun nelegerea celui mai pur sentiment i anume, iubirea profund. Undeva, ntr-un alt univers lacrimile statuii formeaz o nesfrit mare. Dac oimul nu ar fi existat, statuia nu ar fi cunoscut o form de iubire, mult mai profund dect cea anterioar. Drumul spre venicie, gesturi lente, rtcire de sine, refugiu n resemnare, iubire profund, iubire mplinit, iubire peren Un oim a disprut din nlimea arztoare i a zburat n abisul plin de lacrimi. De undeva, din nemrginire se aud ultime cuvinte: ,,mi este dor de zborul tu, mi este dor de zborul meu, mi este dor de nemurire! Viaa trebuie cntat n oapt. S suspini n tcere cnd moartea e cntat prin iubirea care a aparinut trecutului. Chemarea sa aduce un nesfrit regret, o disperare a mrii, un ultim suspin, o ultim privire, o ultim lacrim, o ultim iubire Deschis spre anxietate, ascuns n zbuciumul fiinei, iubirea mbrieaz visul. Strlucirea acesteia transform paradisul ntr-o noapte n care inventarea unei culpabilizri echivaleaz cu dorina de a mai tri, de a mai simi ultimele clipe de via. i cum se simte muribundul n acest moment? Oare care este gndul su ultim? Dicernmntul oare mai are vreun rol n acest compromis care, n fond, vrea s salveze de la resemnare fiina. Ct iluzie n tot acest demers! i totui, un oim ncepe s viseze, ncepe s viseze la fericire, la tcere, la venicie, ncepe s decad prin zborul su, ncepe s-i aduc aminte de o iubire interzis...

E SCRIS N STELE...
E scris n stele un destin al iubirii. Iubirea presupune unitate, plcere, sacrificiu, satisfacie, mplinire. Iubirea genereaz dualitate, non-plcere, egoism, eec. Iubirea e unic prin modul n care se manifest. Cu toate acestea, mai devreme sau mai trziu iubirea absolut se transform n iubire 39

relativ, apoi aceasta dispare n forme nevzute, neauzite, inexplicabile de manifestare. Iubirea fr moarte duce la egoism i arogan. n fond, aceast form de orgoliu exprim o imagine pervers a tiraniei sentimentului. Un sentiment nu este dect o valoare aflat sub semnul decadenei. E scris n stele c ,,1+0 = o posibilitate. S-i plngi iubirea, s o regrei, s te bucuri n numele ei; o jertf inutil, de altfel. Razele iubirii, purtate de vnt, pornite din sufletul oimului mngie statuia care danseaz graios n faa morii. Statuia danseaz pe o melodie scris n stele; de acolo vine i oimul, acolo i-au fost hrzite nemurirea, zborul i decadena; tot acolo a fost scris o frumoas prietenie, acolo s-au imaginat iubirile de altdat, s-au nscut zmbetul primverii, dulcele fior al morii, sursul discret al veniciei, gingia nefiinei, atingerile tandre ale resemnrii. E scris n stele un rai i un iad. Imagineaz-i promisiunile raiului. n acelai timp, pstreaz cu tine blndeea iadului. Ascult, de asemenea, ecoul ciudat al unei iubiri apuse; exuberana trzie genereaz momente de timp n care amintirile mai supravieuiesc doar prin regsirea trecutului. De aceea, apetena pentru consecven trdeaz compromisuri i prejudeci. Frenezia subiectivitii trimite la o modalitate de interogare, trimite la ideea c orice nebun trebuie s traverseze un curcubeu. i aceasta nu reprezint nimic altceva dect cea mai normal stare pe care o poate afia subiectivitatea n momentul existenei sale. E scris n stele un gnd, doar unul singur, unul ce trimite la iubire. Iubirea presupune ns nebunie, iar nebunia amnare. Se amn aproape orice n numele iubirii, dar nu i iubirea nsi. O clip doar i totul devine risip de emoii. Sindromul amnrii funcioneaz foarte bine la cel mai normal nebun. Acesta se hrnete cu dispreul celor din jur, cu batjocura acestora, dar i cu resemnare necontientizat. Resemnare, resemnare, resemnare! Aa s fie oare? i, totui, o speran deart se ntrezrete n lumina resemnrii. Se adun triri interioare puternice. Cea mai puternic este cea care dezvolt teama doritorului de mir. E nevoie de mir, ct mai mult. E nevoie i de speran? Dragoste la prima vedere? O ntrebare simpl i un rspuns delicat. E scris n stele: ,,Henisme tas mixanas chenergat metidolo dakos safael. Naka, s akant tas mecartid sontez. Persavosentloschecalcosventiuno jvoisaga astalapr khergea nigataklfovmniud persasster. Un mesaj transmis prin glasul iraionalului unei subiectiviti lucide.

O IUBIRE INTERZIS
O iubire interzis: s iubeti mai mult de un suflet; s plngi i s guti din melancolia iubirii, s te ridici spre nlimi, iar vorbele s devin tceri semnificative. S construieti un drum 40

n nlimi, acolo unde trandafirii, lalelele i crinii decripteaz jurmntul iubirii. S fii pe un drum presrat cu stele, s sorbi lumina iubirii, iar ntre stele i speran s fie iubirea, dar o iubire interzis. Un ultim omagiu este adus molozului de emoii, un ultim drum n faa celor care au renunat la zbuciumul vieii, un ultim jurmnt ncheiat cu venicia n numele iubirii interzise. Licoarea nscut din speran i resemnare trimite la depresii care comemoreaz amintirile de altdat, cele care s-au sacrificat pentru CINEVA DRAG. Frmntri puternice n suflet provoac o puternic dorin, aceea de a vedea ct mai repede pe CINEVA DRAG. Interogaiile sfresc n cutri contientizndu-se lipsa persoanei dragi, a clipelor care se risipesc prin iubire. O lumin rsare i apune i, apoi, rsare din nou i iar apune i tot astfel pn ce frumuseea fiorilor nscui din pasiunea celor care se iubesc, dar care se tem s iubeasc, devine sperana unui moment ce poate va veni vreodat. S fii lng CINEVA DRAG! Dar CINEVA DRAG iubete oare pe CINEVA DRAG? De fapt, aceast interogaie nu are nevoie de niciun rspuns n condiiile n care iubirea este interzis. A alege s rmi pn la urm lng CINEVA DRAG nseamn, pe de o parte, a respinge un DESTIN mpotriva cruia ai luptat i lupi mereu, mpotriva cruia te revoli, iar pe de alt parte, de a accepta un nou DESTIN, cel pe care abia l-ai construit i pentru care ai renunat la totul, numai la CINEVA DRAG nu, i, nu cel pe care ai avut curajul de a-l construi n numele iubirii interzise. Ceea ce simi, de fapt, i aparine, se raporteaz la subiectivitate. Iar subiectivitatatea are dreptul s vorbeasc astfel: ,,aprut din povetile cu zne, zresc iubirea interzis a crei privire expresiv trdeaz buntatatea sufletului; vd iubirea interzis n faa creia m fstcesc; n acelai timp primesc sursul acestei iubiri interzise, un surs care m face tot timpul s zmbesc. O srutare trimis sufletului iubit n tcere se ntoarce cu altele n plus tocmai pentru a demonstra (de parc e nevoie de aa ceva) c o iubire este posibil oricnd i oriunde. Astfel, bucuria transmis sufletului care este iubit n tcere devine furie amestecat cu nostalgie. Rtciri zbuciumate arat un destin n care totul se mplinete. Mai mult, emoia nscut din iubire devine extraordinar cnd aceasta se transmite prin privirile sufletelor. A iubi o raz de soare nseamn a i suferi. Orice iubire trit la intensitate presupune un foc mistuitor care duce la autodistrugere ce se manifest, pe de o parte, printr-un proces de combustie intern, iar pe de alt parte, prin senzaii de grea aprute n urma insolaiei cauzate de respectiva raz de soare. De aici i rezult, de altfel, starea de suferin nscut din iubire. Mai mult, iubirea aprut la rndul su din ur evideniaz faptul c la baza nefericirii ar putea sta o pasiune puternic. O amintire ngheat presupune magia iubirii. Vremea deteptrii rpete iubirii obsesia. Luciditatea, raiunea relev o voluptate slbatic a crei privire este ndreptat spre trupul care i 41

exprim personalitatea prin convulsii; n cele din urm, ntr-o clip suspendat, iubirea interzis devine tragic i, mai mult, se desvrete n obsesii. Iubesc, iubeti, iubim, cte explicaii pentru o emoie care nici mcar nu este mprtit uneori. Magia acestei emoii lovete cu putere uile propriului suflet. Aceasta vrea s acapareze orice gnd secret, vrea s scoat din interior iubirea i ura, frumosul i urtul. CINEVA DRAG atrage ca un magnet sufletul deja bntuit de vraja iubirii interzise. Numai n momentul n care emoiile sunt reciproce suferina dulce i iubirea amar se concretizeaz n satisfacii sufleteti. S iubeti i s fii iubit cu aceeai intensitate! Dar cine are puterea s msoare aa ceva? Cum se poate evalua puritatea unei astfel de iubiri? Acesta, firete, este un pretext perfect. O iubire interzis se destnuie n jur, iar cei care se iubesc ncep s plng i s-i spun ce au de spus: Statuia: tii, mi-a fost dor de CINEVA DRAG! oimul: tii, mi-a fost dor de CINEVA DRAG! Statuia: Pe unde a mai hoinrit spiritul tu vagabond? oimul: Aici i acolo, n trecut, prezent, viitor. Statuia: i, totui, tu nu oboseti niciodat? Dei vezi multe eti destul de trist. Un zmbet vreau s vd mcar acum pe chipul tu; iar n acest fel mi dau seama dac acesta surde i viseaz la ceva plcut. oimul: Un zmbet vreau i eu s vd la tine. Vreau aceasta, pentru c tii foarte bine c sentimente profunde se simt ntre mine i tine. Tristeea mea se vede n privirea ta. Statuia: Sentimentele sunt aceleai, doar mprejurrile poate sunt diferite. oimul: Orice tririe dionisiac este interzis, orice emoie ...Dar vreau s-i spun c mi doresc s zmbesc, mi doresc s-i spun c in la tine mai mult dect i inchipui, vreau s fiu aici, lng tine, vreau s-i zmbesc. Statuia: Un zmbet poate s nsemne mult pentru cel care l primete, dar i mai mult pentru cel care l transmite. oimul: Aa este! i, de aceea, am fcut tot posibilul s cobor spre tine, lng CINEVA DRAG, care att de mult nseamn pentru mine, s vin de undeva de sus de unde lumea se vede altfel. Am venit s te iau cu mine, s fugim, s fim mpreun. Am venit s zmbesc i s te vd zmbind. Am venit s zmbim mpreun speranei, viitorului. tiu c faptele dei pot reprezenta greeli pentru mine sunt, de fapt, lecii de via... S nv eu vreau... Statuia: i eu mi doresc acelai lucru i tii aceasta foarte bine. Vreau s am lng mine pe CINEVA DRAG tot restul vieii. A vrea s zbor cu tine i s simt aripile tale protectoare, s simt curajul tu care mie mi-a disprut de mult, s risc pur i simplu. 42

oimul: i-atunci? Uite, chiar acum ncep s te srut, s te ajut s te desprinzi de pe soclu, s te rpesc din aceast lume! Las-m s te mbriez! Statuia: De ce? Oare crezi tu c aripile tale pot cuprinde, pot proteja, pot desctua duritatea sufletului meu? mbriarea ta mi va reda bucuria? Dar oare i fericirea? Vrei tu oare s m mbriezi i s duci cu tine acolo sus, n lumea ta, suferina nscut din neputin? Cred c dragostea mea s-ar pierde-n vnt, iar eu nu a suporta s iau parte la acest cortegiu... Stai, nu te grbi! Voiam s-i spun c i eu m gndesc la tine, la CINEVA DRAG, dei tiu c suprare i regret vor cuprinde sufletul tu n cteva clipe. tii bine c orice srutare pe care mi-o dai i orice ncercare de-a ta de a m fac s m desprind de aceast lume mai mult ru mi va produce. Cu fiecare srut pe care mi-l oferi i care e pornit din sufletul tu iubirea devine profund i se consum. La fel i tu ncepi s decazi, ncepi s-i iroseti fora interioar. Felul meu de a fi ar nsemna o greutate prea mare pentru tine, o greutate pe care nu tiu cum ai putea s o duci. Destinul meu aici este deocamdat. Al tu este acela de a fi mereu n nlimi. Acelai trist destin privete spre suferin, spre neputin, spre nefiin... oimul: Prea dai dovad de raiune... Statuia: Prea uor risipeti emoiile... oimul: Atunci, nu mai spun nimic, nu voi arta ct de mult te iubesc; voi tcea, dar voi rmne aici lng tine. Statuia: Cum adic s taci? De ce s nu-mi rspunzi? Te-am suprat cu ceva nct s nu merit nici mcar un cuvnt? Acum nu tiu ce s mai spun i nu-mi explic de ce mi este att de dor de tine tot timpul. Cum adic s rmi aici, lng mine? Dar destinul tu este altul, nu este acesta, nu trebuie s stai aici. Viaa ta este de a zbura, de a supravieui, de a lupta i de a nvinge mereu i mereu, de a fi sus tot timpul; tu i cnd cobori eti tot sus. Reuitele tale se numesc succesele tale. ndrznesc s spun c n viaa ta se vede ceva special, pentru c tu nsui eti special. oimul: Ceea ce-mi spui este cumva o modalitate de a ndeprta iubirea prin iubire? Statuia: Mi-ai ptruns n suflet dei eu nu accept cldura. Mi-ai deschis ochii i m-ai orbit cu dragostea ta. ncep s-mi simt fiina... oimul: Cldura a fost dintotdeauna n sufletul tu. Iar ochii ti sunt, de fapt, ochii propriului suflet. Ceea ce ni se ntmpl nou acum se raporteaz la tot ceea ce se afl n jurul nostru. Ochii i inem mereu nchii pentru c nu vrem s acceptm realitatea, refuzm s-i deschidem de tot. i, de aceea, cnd i deschidem dintr-o dat aceast realitate ne orbete. n acest moment simim nencrederea. Cred c trebuie s tim s deschidem ochii i, de asemenea, trebuie s tim cnd s-i nchidem. Sufletul are nevoie de alteritate, dar uneori i de sine. Totul e s tii s raportezi la iubire ceea ce este n jurul tu, asumndu-i chiar un risc: riscul de a te pierde pe tine; cnd zbori, riti; cnd 43

iubeti, dintr-un larg abis faci parte, subordonndu-te tririlor speciale; tot ceea ce simi n acest moment dobndete valoare emoional. Statuia: Nu-mi explic de ce simt aa ceva. E totul att de confuz i m ntreb de ce oare. i, mai mult, dei eti lng mine, mi este dor de tine, de CINEVA DRAG. Nu mi doresc deloc s pleci, nu mi doresc dect s stai aici lng mine pentru totdeauna, dar simt, simt c ai un viitor, c mai ai nc cel puin un zbor de fcut, mai ai cel puin o via de trit. tiu, m contrazic acum, dar oare contientizez iubirea? oimul: Da, mai am cel puin o via de trit, dar alturi de CINEVA DRAG, alturi de tine. Iubirea mea fa de tine relev o complicitate emoional. Nu trebuie dect s mrturisim c iubim i atunci nimic nu mai este confuz ntr-o astfel de trire. Statuia: Ba este confuz...De ce s fie mrturisire dac nu are rost? Lucrurile rmn aproape neschimbate... oimul: Din ochii ti se vede o perspectiv, din ai mei o alta, dar din visul nostru se nate o realitate. M faci s cred n fatalism i n resemnare. Vorbele mele se transform treptat n tcere i tac, dar triesc lng tine. Statuia: De ce s taci? De ce s trieti fr s exprimi? Dac simi nevoia de a te exprima nu te opri. La mine ns situaia este alta. De aceea, nu accept mrturisirea n aceast trire. Dar tu mergi mai departe n numele iubirii... oimul: Da, n numele unei iubiri interzise... Te iubesc i tiu c m iubeti. De ce i este att de greu s pronuni aceste cuvinte? Iubeti pe cei din jurul tu foarte mult i, totui, nu vrei s te ataezi de nimeni; iubeti viaa pe care o cni n oapt i totui nu ai via dect cnd sunt lng tine; o soart avem de mprit. Ce crezi? Iubirea este aceeai pentru toi? Iubirea este diferit? Dac are forme, atunci pluralitatea mai trimite la mplinire, la absolut sau, din contr, la relativism? Statuia: Dar prerea ta care este? Oare au rost toate discuiile referitoare la acest subiect? Eu att tiu, c m gndesc la CINEVA DRAG i nu tiu dac e bine. Sunt nite triri confuze, dar n acelai timp frumoase. i nu uita: relativismul trebuie mbriat cci realismul este inevitabil. oimul: Dar pare lipsit de sens ceea ce-mi spui. Posibil s ai dreptate. Cu toate acestea, la mine confuzia s-a transformat n certitudine. E o singur clip. Statuia: Doar o clip? Am neles...atunci, de ce nu crezi cnd i spun c sunt triri confuze? oimul: Cred c fiecare iubete diferit, dei emoia este aceeai, iar acestei emoii nu-i trebuie dect o clip s devin ignoran. Statuia: Nu exist niciun motiv pentru aceast ignoran. i, totui, poate aceasta merit fiecare, ignoran. 44

oimul: i iubirea merit ignoran i trebuie chemat, strigat, implorat. Iar eu voi veni oricnd cu ea spre tine. Statuia: De-ar fi s vii ai tii c gndurile mele nu mai ascult de raiune, ci de suflet. Raiunea mea devine trire puternic. oimul: S fugim de aici, undeva, departe, s fim doar noi doi! Avem nevoie unul de cellalt, am nevoie de tine, ai nevoie de mine! Statuia: Ce frumos este tot ceea ce tocmai ai spus...M simt minunat! S tii c-mi place s visez n continuare. E att de frumos! A vrea s mergem undeva departe, pentru c am un vis de mplinit, avem mpreun acelai vis. Tot ceea ce tiu este c am nevoie s triesc visul acesta cu tine; i, i mai tiu c i tu simi la fel.Vreau s simt mngierea ta i s nu-mi fie team de vnt, de ploi, de ninsoare, de tristee, de singurtate...La nceput nu puteam s privesc spre tine, spre ochii ti; de fiecare dat cnd m vizitai veneai de sus, de foarte sus, iar eu eram cu sufletul mpietrit, toi cei care treceau pe lng mine luau cte o bucat din mine; toi cei care aveau nevoie de resemnare. Pn i vntul lua cte ceva din fiina mea. tiu c tu eti visul meu frumos care mi-a dat iubire, un vis care mi-a dat zbor i cdere, care mi-a oferit o iubire nerostit, dar mrturisit. oimul: Trecutul s-a ntors. Este foarte greu s fac distincie ntre realitatea n care triesc i o alt realitate. Triesc intens de cel puin dou ori, mi este fric s mai i zbor pentru c prbuirea te-ar afecta, mi este fric s cred c pot iubi att de intens, mi este fric de aceast fric. Am czut ntr-o prpastie a dezamgirii, dar iubesc i nu regret nimic. Statuia: Dar vor veni vremuri cnd tu nu vei mai putea s stai aici; ai nevoie de o alt via. tiu c iubirea noastr e doar a noastr i c nimeni nu o poate mpiedica. Dar tu vei fi departe, vei pleca, te vei ridica, vei fi undeva sus... oimul: i-am spus c nu regret nimic din ceea ce fac; prefer s stau aici, s triesc i s retriesc alturi de tine dragostea noastr, iubirea interzis. tii? Te-am visat frumos noaptea trecut, erai plin de via. Statuia: n ghearele tale sunt agat, privesc n deprtare, spre dulcea ispitire a zrilor infinite. Acum nu m mai tem, pentru c infinitul va fi trit doar o clip. Este vorba despre o nou form de cunoatere din care face parte sperana. Rtcit n aceast nesfrit cunoatere tiu c voi simi suferina estompat de flacra arztoare a dorinei de a nu mai exista, ci de a fi. oimul: Dorina deja trimite la imagine i la imaginar. Or, imaginea devine amintire cnd amintirea dobndete o imagine. Imaginarul presupune o altfel de lume, una ns care se bazeaz pe o form de realitate specific universului.

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Statuia: Ascult un pic universul. Ascult cum universul cnt: ,,Tu eti iubirea mea!. Universul cnt o alinare, o fericire...Da, o alinare, o fericire, o resemnare...tiu c moartea oimului e i moartea mea... oimul: tiu c tcerea statuii e i venicia mea... Undeva n timp (dac exist) i n spaiu (dac poate fi perceput) se aude o voce, se aude un cntec n care se amintete despre o iubire interzis ntre o statuie i un oim. Dar cine era statuia? Dar cine era oimul? Nu cumva statuia era oimul, iar oimul era statuia? Nu cumva cuvintele, tririle erau ale celuilalt? Dac da, atunci iubirea s-a mplinit prin mrturisire i s-a risipit prin nemurire. Celelalte rspunsuri sunt absurde, dar i absurdul face parte din existen. Un strigt de iubire, un cntec de dragoste, o tcere semnificativ, niciuna din toate acestea nu trebuie nelese, trebuie doar trite. Pe faa iubirii ncepe s se vad un rid, un gnd straniu strbate orizontul ateptrii. Vorbele mari oare se pot exprima prin tcere? n amintiri se nate o idee: prin plceri i nelegeri se admite c viaa are un nou sens sau c e lipsit de un non-sens.

CND PIERZI PE CINEVA DRAG

Cnd pierzi pe Cineva Drag apare o ncercare timid de a tinui iubirea interzis. O greeal stupid! n intimitatea fiinei domnete geniul iubirii care nu trebuie s limiteze deloc libertatea de exprimare a sentimentelor. Dimpotriv, iubirea mrturisit determin o dinamic a celor mai profunde triri, conferind autoritate clipelor unice, indispensabile, relevnd, de altfel, o diversitate infinit de forme existeniale. Cnd iubirea interzis e profund sufletul se exteriorizeaz prin triri. Iubirea presupune un vis care transform strile ontologice ale fiinei. Cnd pierzi pe Cineva Drag niciun cuvnt nu-i mai are rostul, iar cei care ncearc s te consoleze nu pot nlocui viaa care a fost; astfel, niciun viitor proxim nu-i poate readuce bucuria iubirii de altdat. Limbaje diferite i explicaii artificiale care nu-i mai au rostul ncearc s consoleze sufletul care a iubit i nc mai iubete. Amintirile dau natere unui timp care mcar o singur dat ai vrea s se repete; ai vrea un moment n care mcar o singur dat s recunoti c ai iubit i s promii un alt nceput. Cnd pierzi pe Cineva Drag totul devine venicie. Nu mai conteaz modalitatea prin care iubirea se risipete n venicie. Orice pretext nu i mai are rostul pentru c desprirea de persoana iubit a cauzat simultan sinucidere emoional. Se poate admite c nu exist via cnd nu exist iubire, ambiie i resemnare. Se poate admite c nu exist moarte acolo unde viaa este anulat prin 46

iubire. Totul se ntemeiaz pe o anumit complicitate ntre ambiie i iubire. n acest mod, se face simit i resemnarea. Eternitatea nlocuiete venicia, dar i conversiunea este valabil: venicia substituie eternitatea. Mai mult, orice dinamic a iubirii tinde spre perfeciune care este totui transcendent raionalului. Dar aceast form specific de iubire este ameninat oricnd de o imagine a unui vis cutremurtor, i anume: iubirea pierdut din cauza iubirii. Cnd ii la cineva cu adevrat nu vrei s concepi puterea morii. Ba mai mult, crezi c poi lupta cu moartea nsi. Frica este n tine i crezi c poi s-o stpneti. IUBIREA te ajut i este singura care contribuie la depirea unei astfel de crize existeniale, dar tot ea te face s suferi n momentul despririi de Cineva Drag. Pierdut n linitea resemnrii contiina anuleaz raionalitatea. Totodat, viaa nseamn condamnarea la moarte, iar moartea trimite la nefiin. De aici i ideea c un suflet nu poate supravieui fr durere dac a trit ceva timp lng un alt suflet pe care l-a iubit i care deja se afl ntr-o lume diferit, o lume a resemnrii. Nefiina provoac resemnare i mpietrete fiina. Resemnarea la rndul ei provoac suferin, iar suferina pentru a scpa de sine trimite la uitare. Dar niciuna dintre acestea nu mai aduce napoi fina care cndva a fost alturi de tine, pe Cineva Drag, fiina cu care cndva ai discutat, ai rs, ai plns i, de ce nu, ai discutat contradiciile vieii i ale morii. Dar iertarea, ea unde este, ce rol joac n toate acestea? Sufletul, sufletul e aici i peste tot, e acolo unde trebuie s fie, el este. i ceilali? Unde sunt? n jur, privesc i gndesc i totodat resimt durere. Totodat, ceilali ncearc s simt i iubirea. Dar totul se transform i devine o clip. O clip ce a fost! O clip ce va readuce n minte o alt clip, dar una care s-a sfrit undeva, cndva. Ceilali sunt condamnai la suferin, la iertare, la rugciune, la speran, la via, dar i la moarte. Priveti la cel care nu mai este, iar gndurile nebune, nebune alearg undeva, n timpul care a fost, ele ncep s provoace lacrimi, suferin, durere. Lacrimile uureaz suferina sufletului, suferina presupune contiina durerii, iar durerea nate lacrimi ascunse n fiinare. Treptat, pe msur ce trecerea n timp devine mai profund, mai intens ncepi s te cutremuri, ncepi s strigi. Dar cine te ascult? Moartea exprim relevarea vieii, dup cum viaa exprim puterea brutal a morii. Despre umanism nici nu se mai poate vorbi n aceste momente. Abia, dup aceea, o palid imagine a consolrii ofer amintirea de altdat. Trebuie s fii uman cu cel care este uman cu tine; trebuie s fii uman i cu sistemul din care faci parte. Dac sistemul nu e capabil s-i ofere omenie i nemurire, atunci ie nu-i mai rmne dect s lupi mpotriva lui n numele unui umanism idealist i al unei nemuriri sacre. De altfel, aceast lupt exprim condiia suprem de adaptare la noul mod de via. Dac lumea se schimb sau se uniformizeaz, atunci trebuie avut n vedere i noul tip de umanism aprut. Totodat nu trebuie exclus i ideea nemuririi subiectivitii. Altfel spus, trebuie 47

acceptat iluzia ca form nou de resemnare. Iluzia trimite la realitatea spiritului, dar i la iubire. n acest mod, esena iubirii trebuie s ias din dimensiunea criptic a non-ndrznelii de a o mprti. S iubeti viaa i s fii gelos pe ea n acelai timp. S o iubeti din normalitate i s-i exprimi gelozia pentru c oricnd te poate prsi pentru alteritate. Iubirea este o form de gelozie decriptat printr-o trire afectiv specific sufletului. Gelozia este o form de iubire ascuns care d de gol pasiunea sufletului. Prezentul conteaz i nu viitorul; viitorul conteaz doar cnd visezi, iar prezentul te ajut s concretizezi visul. Or, iubirea i gelozia transpun prin(n) vis zbuciumul gndului i al sufletului. Prin(n) vis este evitat concretizarea durerii. Nu trebuie provocat suferina n jur, ci doar acceptat i neleas. Suferina trebuie doar trit, dar nu i provocat. Dac totui e provocat, trebuie lsat s se manifeste pn se stinge. Dar lipsa suferinei reflect o nenelegere a chiar propriei sale manifestri. Ceea ce lipsete acum sufletului este non-disperarea. De aceea, n acest moment cea mai bun soluie este revolta mpotriva existenei. De altfel, o ncercare banal i lipsit de originalitate! Desprirea de Cineva Drag duce la o nou atitudine. i este att de dor de Cineva Drag nct lumea din jurul tu nu mai conteaz. Refugiul n amintirile de altdat vine oarecum s consoleze sufletul rvit de durere. Nu poi s accepi c inevitabilul s-a produs, nu poi s accepi c iubirea ta se afl departe de tine. Un sentiment de ruptur rvete fiina n momentul despririi de Cineva Drag. Graie imaginarului, subiectivitatea se refugiaz n amintiri i n iluzii. Modificrile realitii armonioase pn atunci relev o lume fr sens, monoton. Tcerea acesteia dezvluie necesitatea resemnrii. O anumit instabilitate opereaz la nivelul realitii respective. Transformrile structurale a ceea ce a fost cndva plin de via arat un alt tip de relaie cu universul. Imposibilitatea ca form decisiv a resemnrii intensific durerea i acceptarea. n acelai timp, neputina distruge orice urm de afectivitate dornic s se manifeste la nivelul existenei. Acest paradox subliniaz constrngerea libertii de manifestare de ctre legile necesitii. Niciodat nu zboar clipa spre venicie fr aripile resemnrii. Este vorba despre un echilibru care se cere neles prin tain, o tain a regsirii de altdat. O tain a non-luminozitii ce transpune genialitatea celui care are curajul s se revolte, a celui care are curajul de a plnge, de a rde, de a atepta, de a cnta, de a ,,ncerca s fie nebun n viziunea celorlali. E timpul de un dans, un dans n faa tcerii, n faa veniciei. O victorie, ar spune unii! Da, dar o victorie care cost prea mult, ar spune alii! n fond, cui i-ar psa? Clipe de ateptare i strig jalea prin zbuciumul necontenit al sufletului. Cnd cugetul departe pleac, apologia bunului rmas trebuie s constituie o prioritate n istoria care abia se 48

construiete, o istorie, de altfel, ce va fi uitat destul de repede. Farmecul vieii se stinge odat cu apariia luminii morii sosit mai devreme din dorina fiinei. Aceast rug se nate dintr-o refulare generat de nedreptatea prezent n clipa anterioar neantului. Mai mult, o jertf se impune ntr-un astfel de moment, una care s exprime curajul subiectivitii. Iat, un curaj ce trimite, ar spune unii, la o nebunie! Da, este o nebunie a concretului dornic s-i reverse luciditatea comprehensiunii printr-un dans tainic. Dansul de dincolo de regret aduce resemnare. Astfel, incomoditatea ce nate din prbuire reduce realitatea la instabilitate. Mai mult, construciile raionale relev bucuria infantil a certitudinii. Aadar, cnd iluzia i sperana se contopesc, actul elevat se transform n speculaie. Prin urmare, curajul dispare prin naterea i contientizarea frustrrii, iar plsmuirea metafizic situeaz absolutul la limita diversitii. Farmecul insolubil al iraionalului pune treptat stpnire pe dansul spiritului. Dincolo de cdere se afl mplinirea, lumina, nlarea: mplinirea resemnrii, lumina regretului, nlarea spiritului. Condamnarea la abandonare atrage spre sine chemarea subiectivitii rtcite n existen. Orice form de experien devine terifiant n condiiile n care aspectele obscure ale existenei capt semnificaie printr-un efort de obiectivizare a realitii. Eterna problem a unei credine n ceva superior trimite la un proces de schimbare a gndirii. n acest mod, structura mimetic a existenei duce la alterarea instinctului de conservare. Astfel, profanul devine primordial n procesul existenei i nu se poate contientiza dect cochetnd cu un anumit grad de nepsare. Indiscrete triri i nebune gnduri transform orice form de spiritualitate, deoarece rolul supliciului este tributar imaginii dezgustului. Boala celor ce se iubesc: perfecionism emoional. S fii perfect n emoii! S cobori raiunea n inim i s devii bulversat de gestul imprevizibilului! Frenezia raionalitii genereaz o for emoional care prin manifestrile sale multiple exprim prejudeci contagioase. S fii perfect n modul de a raiona! Clipe superbe, rtciri minunate, vremea ce va veni, iubire! Dac viaa trebuie cntat n oapt, iubirea trebuie rostit prin gest. Frumuseea sufletului se vede n puritatea unei priviri. Frumuseea iubirii se vede n puritatea unui gest. Nobleea frumuseii se desvrete prin curajul subiectivitii de a-i imagina un vis prin care orice speran ncearc s dinuie n timp. Visul trimite ns la emoii care ateapt s fie concretizate. Totul este s tii ce vrei i CUM s vrei ceva de la tine n primul rnd i, apoi de la via, de la ceilali, de la venicie. Albul luminii devine rugina existenei; alte mti devin vizibile; s iubeti cu detaare pe cel din jur, s-l urti cu mult dragoste; tehnici i recompense ale decadenei se ntrezresc n minunatele lupte purtate de ctre pctoii incurabili. Oare gndul dement se cere descifrat cu rbdarea unei persoane care are parte de adevrata linite? Dorina impertinentului nu duce oare cumva la delir? 49

S atingi stelele, s fii o stea, s simi dorina, s vrei reuita, s simi neputina i s speri! S simi mirosul de flori arse de vpaia dragostei! S ai parte de iubirea profund! Rtcirea n astfel de dimensiuni spirituale nu face dect s dea natere unui respir frenetic, o ultim suflare. Hemoragia fantasmelor desctueaz haosul dndu-i libertatea s se afirme. Agonia muribundului conduce la un mar funebru al existenei. Acest mar este nsoit de o beie n care mireasma lalelelor, a trandafirilor i a crinilor domin acest sfrit cu adevrat minunat. Apusul acestei lumi evideniaz o perspectiv conform creia totul este att de departe. Cnd pierzi pe Cineva Drag vntul uitrii se-aterne n jur. O statuie a fost, o statuie a iubit, o statuie a preferat singurtatea prin resemnare. Alturi de ea doarme o iubire interzis. Un oim se odihnete pentru totdeauna...

DANSND N FAA MORII

Lacrimile nu sunt interzise sufletelor ntristate. Drumul spre atemporalitate duce spre ua de dincolo unde se ncearc reconstrucia veniciei. Construim mereu simboluri, plnuim sisteme, ne resemnm n abisul pseudotiinei lund contact mereu cu ipocrizia, snobismul, prostia. Raiunea trebuie s lase loc emoiilor care situeaz viaa la loc de cinste. Dansnd n faa morii rzi de fapt de propria venicie, de contiina propriului neant. Dansul presupune o bucurie care trimite n fond la descrcarea sufletului; dar dansul mai trimite i la emoie, la tristee; dansnd n faa morii nseamn, de fapt, c ncerci o lupt, un contraatac n faa a ceea ce nu va mai rmne dect o amintire. Viaa este doar o clip n care ipostazele fiinei arat naufragiul indolenei. Lacrimile morii duc la resemnare, iar tristeea poate s ascund un zmbet, un zmbet al resemnrii. Dar resemnarea presupune o stare afectiv, presupune o emoie nemrturisit. Emoia trimite la profunzimea sufletului, iar cutezana cugetului trimite la imposibilitatea tririi n realul iluzoriu. n acest mod, resemnarea reprezint forma final a iluziei. Decadena sinceritii este n fond n fiecare fiin. Decadena sinceritii nu trebuie nici mcar contientizat. Decadena sinceritii reduce fericirea la un joc al dezamgirii n care tririle pozitive sunt pregnante. De altfel, tririle pozitive trimit uor la suferin tocmai pentru c se concretizeaz n mpliniri. mplinirea nu are nevoie de evoluie. Decadena sinceritii refuz jocul vieii prin promovarea ridicolului. Ci sinucigai au renunat la via n mod original? n fond, aceast originalitate (a trecerii spre neant) echivaleaz cu perspectiva a ceea ce unii numesc punctul de vedere patologic. Astfel, se poate exprima foarte bine ideea c un sinuciga nu are nevoie de originalitate (originalitatea se construiete prin experiena alteritii), el vrea doar s treac ntr-o alt lume i, aceasta, ct mai repede cu putin. Numai n msura n care el ar cuta originalitatea 50

acestui drum unii ar fi tentai s catalogheze aceast modalitate de domeniul patologicului. n acest mod, ceea ce poart denumirea de via trebuie s se transforme ntr-o tcere plcut a veniciei, strigtul acesteia fcndu-se cunoscut prin epitaf i necrolog. Sufletul decide decriptarea personalitii sale prin mrturisire. Moartea este sentimentul culpabilizrii specific acestei viei. Dar n via se greete i, atunci, apare sentimentul minunat al morii; vrei s evadezi, s te salvezi, dar nu reueti; nu-i mai rmne dect s te resemnezi. Mai mult, resemnarea duce n final la moarte, aa c, mai bine s lupi prin moarte cu moartea. n fond, aici este un risc, iar riscul nu trebuie acceptat, ci el trebuie trit. Discreia poate aduce culpabilitate subiectiv, iar gustul amar este o certitudine. Neputina de a fi mai sus dect propria persoan nseamn, n fond, sinucidere care ateapt concretizare. Ura duce la sinucidere. A ceri sinucidere nseamn a ur la comand, o ur izvort uneori din frica inerent ce anticipeaz proximitatea clipei nedorite i inexplicabile. Prin intermediul reflexivitii tensiunea gndurilor arunc n obiectivitate neputina alteritii, iar demnitatea potenial a contiinei se transform n viciu. Cufundarea n umbrele refleciei d natere unei imagini luminoase a morii. n acest moment, sistemele existeniale sunt guvernate prin intermediul regulilor care i cer dreptul la nemurire. n fond, aceast perspectiv sporete diferena ntre subiectivitai, situaie care d natere unei concluzii ineluctabile cu privire la o lume demult apus. Lupta pentru posibilitate a lumii druiete componentelor sale o perspectiv rece, n care elementul central este ocupat de statuia morii care druiete fantasme fataliste n lumea pe care o domin. Este o statuie care lcrimeaz strignd mereu n numele fericirii decadena sinceritii. Dar strigtul acesteia devine ridicol prin nepsare, prin non-aciunea elementelor existeniale, transformndu-se, astfel, ntr-un horcit muribund. De aceea, statuia trebuie s se desprind de pe soclul nemuririi, ea trebuie s ncerce un dans. Ea trebuie s danseze n faa morii. Este o imagine care ar putea speria, prin modalitatea sinistr prin care s-ar releva, dar care ar da curaj celor fr speran, deoarece renunarea lor determin o decaden a sinceritii de sine. Prin sinucidere fiecare decade: decade prin sinceritatea cu care accept aceast soluie n procesul de trecere ntr-o realitate posibil. Oricine devine sincer cu sine i cu ceilali prin curajul dovedit de a trece, n momente de prbuire existenial, n lumina morii. i aceasta cum se poate face oare cel mai bine? Prin aducerea timpului nainte de vremea lui, situaie ce echivaleaz cu trirea subiectiv a timpului ntr-un mod mult mai intens: prin sinucidere. De altfel, resemnarea n faa morii nseamn, n fond, tot o form de sinucidere, deoarece ea presupune acceptare; se accept ideea de a muri; or, a accepta aceast idee nseamn a fi pn la urm de acord cu ea (o explicaie banal-sc!). Aceasta este doar o perspectiv. De aceea, prioritate ar trebui s aib mai degrab resemnarea i apoi venicia. Cu toate acestea, frumuseea slbatic a veniciei i nsetata 51

dorin de ntlnire cu aceasta transform muzica vieii n pasiune dezlnuit. Formele difuze ale ntunericului ncununate cu lauri de tristee ilustreaz fora clipei ce va veni curnd. Indiferena trimite la o imagine care cere dreptul la concesie. Umbrele morii danseaz pe un ritm specific doar singurtii. n fond, doar singurtatea este singura proprietate pe care o acceptm prin resemnare n via. Mai mult, visul nemplinit duce la dezamgire. Spaimele neputincioase ale celor care ceresc via se manifest n intervale de timp limitate. Arogana i apatia specifice acestui timp relev un complot al istoriei disprute, al unei istorii care vrea s se regenereze printr-un srut glacial al veniciei. Braele acestei istorii acapareaz infinita deschidere a spaiului printr-un dans graios. Este acelai dans graios al aceleiai statui, este dansul neputinei n faa morii. Miracolul acestui dans se traduce prin ncercarea imobilitii de a deveni mai mobil dect a fost pn n clipa despririi. Ultimele gnduri aduc imagini sugestive, paradigme morbide n care cei ce nu vor s neleag i s accepte realitatea se refugiaz n laitate. Prin dansul n faa morii orice form de exprimare este nsoit de brutalitate. Violena dansului provine n general dintr-o puternic sugestie, iar cei care iau parte la acest ritual sunt pe deplin convini c nu au dect de respectat o ,,datorie moral. Astfel, un simptom de decaden inspir team n fiin. Biruina i inocena dobndesc valoare prin indiferen. Dac s-ar accepta orice form de decaden, atunci resemnarea ar avea acele trsturi specifice unui sentiment religios. Este vorba, de fapt, de construirea unui nou sistem de moral, eficace ar crede unii, bazat n mod explicit pe o ideologie obsolescent. Aspectul su provocator se transform treptat n simple opinii perimate. Inutilitatea oricrei filosofii este cauzat de absena responsabilitii. Nencetata revolt dornic de a construi un sistem filosofic nu face dect s se loveasc de nulitate. Istoria gndirii este aproape de neneles dac nu sunt luate n considerare ideile distructive ale sistemelor care s-au afirmat cndva ntr-un anumit spaiu socio-cultural. Curajul de a nfrunta moartea, de a da dovad de ironie nu reprezint dect un teribilism necesar aprut n urma contientizrii unei revelaii iniiatice. Lumea este alctuit din semnificaii. Imaginea disperat a revoltei elibereaz simurile de singurtate, iar tristeea reprezint fervoarea dispreului i a neantului transcendent. Versatilitatea ideilor reflect autenticitatea dispreului. Aventura subiectivitii n propriul su vis ia sfrit cnd nevoia de profunzime (printr-o form excesiv de raionalitate) devine fanatic. Limitele acestei imagini nu fac dect s reduc interesul propriu la non-sens. Astfel, subtilitatea epitafului prezent pe mormntul n faa cruia se danseaz arat risipa inutil a ceea ce s-a numit cndva via. Dansul n faa morii presupune naterea unui epitaf n care libertatea nihilismului se manifest prin risipirea 52

fiinei. n acest mod, trirea pur nu este dect o contiin ncrcat, iar gndul provoac triri intense interioare. Obsesia trit la intensitate anuleaz starea afectiv, iar gndul alint toamna sufletului. Frumuseea dimineii se transform ntr-o superb noapte n care dorina de a nu mai da satisfacie vieii este cea mai suportabil realitate. Tremurul sfietor al suferinei arat c nicio clip de mine nu va mai fi, cci i primvara cad frunze. Cad frunze pe proasptul mormnt, iar peste frunze cad lacrimile de foc ale statuii. Ritmul trepidant determin o clip care altdat va fi doar o amintire ce trimite la dulci fiori ai nemuririi. S fie vorba de nemurire sau de venicie?

ALTCEVA
Risipa anilor genereaz luceferi n nopi luminoase. Razele acestora cunosc zbuciumul subiectivitii. Poate, de aceea, n anumite momente, resemnarea este cea care determin cursul firesc al existenei. Poate, de aceea, ambiia este aceea care decide destinul unei subiectiviti. Numim destine vagi ceea ce nu nelegem; dar mai vagi sunt momentele pe care le numim destine. Hoinrim n amurgul a ceea ce ne place s numim via, fiin, existen, venicie, non-fiin etc. Dac exist destin, atunci entuziasmul, intuiia i buna dispoziie presupun o metafizic a exactitii. Frumuseea acesteia presupune eliberare, dar i deliberare. Acestea duc ns la vis. Ciudat vis e viaa, unul care trimite la emoia atingerii. Unul n care timpul s-a oprit s recidiveze. Cu toate acestea, visul nu este interzis ntr-o lume a inocenei unde sufletul aparine non-aciunii, statuii deczute. Mai mult, visul nu trebuie s fac prizonier pe cel care tocmai i-a dat natere, un oim ce a avut curajul s viseze. Sufletul mpietrit a fost cndva o floare nscut din praful, cenua i lacrimile unei statui, sufletul mpietrit a fost cndva o floare nscut din zborul, cderea i lacrimile unui oim. Cteva petale czute, risipite pe mormnt aduc aminte de-o iubire interzis, altele demult ofilite i care se ndreapt spre putrefacie aduc n memoria prezent cursul firesc al naturii. O floare este frumoas cnd rde; ea devine deosebit cnd lacrimile acesteia exprim durere, regret, suferin, toate acestea nscute din iubire. Cnd o floare plnge nseamn c ,,sufletul acesteia ncearc s rmn acolo unde s-a nscut. ,,Sufletul acesteia ncearc s-i aminteasc, dar amintirile vorbesc i dor. i este dor de ceea ce undeva, cndva s-a nscut: o iubire interzis. i este att de dor, nu tie dac o astfel de iubire va reveni vreodat.Un gnd i-o amintire se perind n acest moment, gndul de a se autodistruge pentru totdeauna, de a nu mai simi trirea 53

i amintirea unei profunde iubiri. i, totui, fr durere nu se poate, fr lacrimi nu ar putea fi concepute amintirea i frumuseea; gnduri noi, cenuii se ntrezresc n universurile pustii; iubirea teleologic nu poate dect s desvreasc tot ceea ce a nceput cndva, adic un vis. n vis moartea zmbete, iar tu i rspunzi cu un surs. Fora ei atrage fiina ca un magnet. ntre gnd i univers exist o complicitate nemrturisit. O privire de ghea d voie somnului veniciei s cuprind viaa. Srutul cald al morii exprim o justificare a faptului c iubirea interzis, prima dragoste adevrat nu se uit. S atingi visul nseamn s crezi n Vernichtung. Cu toate acestea, spiritul nu trebuie oprit din zburdlnicia sa. n via se poate da totui restart. Dar aceasta cu o singur condiie: s-i nchei socotelile cu trecutul i cu prezentul; la viitor nu merit nici mcar s te gndeti (dei depinde de subiectivitate), cci totul vine de la sine. Sunt nite pagini de timp care nu se vor termina niciodat de rsfoit, pentru c totul nseamn n acest moment altceva. Altceva presupune ceva special. Ceva special? S te implici n monotonie i s te salvezi prin plictiseal din autenticitatea clipelor compromise. Dac exist o contientizare a non-aciunii (de a nu face nimic special), atunci e posibil s te trdezi pe tine prin suspendarea voinei de a exista. Dar lipsa de originalitate a acestei voine trimite la resemnare, la o decaden a sinceritaii. Curajul de a fi sincer, prin naivitatea multiplelor forme de exprimare, presupune la rndul su tot o decaden, dar o decaden predestinat i estompat oarecum de atitudinea fiinei n faa ridicolului. n acest moment, fiecare se dezice, se leapd de altruismul construit n mod artificial. Cu alte cuvinte, este vorba despre o renunare, despre un refuz, despre o frustrare. Din mil pentru cellalt, dar i din fric n faa irealizabilului totul este compromis. S loveti n destin i s zbori prin abisul creat de valul necunoscutului. n aceste condiii, responsabilitatea trimite la cutremurul propriei fiine. Ea vegheaz asupra esenei trimind la existen. Dar tototdat, ea relev existena prin esen. Virtuozitatea spiritului duce la stri pe care unii le explic tiinific trimind n acest fel la speculaii raionale. De ce o astfel de atitudine? Pentru c teama duce la pretext, iar pretextul poate da natere dezamgirilor. Din dezamgiri realitatea e construit adesea i din frustrri succesul ajunge la apogeu. Viaa devine frumoas n condiiile n care contextualitatea devine problematic. Venicia este i mai frumoas dac beia provocat de licoarea dulce-amruie a vieii rmne n amintirile celor care mai au puterea de a fiina. Dar cnd i acetia devin contieni de imposibilitatea fiinrii, atunci totul devine neant. Interogaia obsesiv este aceea care trimite la probleme de neneles. ,,Eti OK?, o ntrebare care trimite la limbajul universal, o interogaie neleas de oricine, o problematic prin care este surprins sacralitatea fiinrii (unii ar aprecia aceast situaie drept o exagerare-de parc mie mi-ar pasa). Je men fiche! Subnelesurile arat versatilitatea zbuciumului raionalitii. 54

Altceva dect ceva ce trimite la sens. S culegi sensuri i semnificaii din gnduri obsesive! S tinuieti ncercarea de a iubi cu adevrat, dar s o exprimi doar pentru cei care iubesc! Instaurarea celui mai profund sentiment iubirea la nivelul existenei implic o libertate de exprimare dezinvolt a subiectivitii. Responsabilitatea acestei subiectiviti este conceput prin raportare la lumea din care aceasta face parte. Vitalitatea i longevitatea iubirii profunde depind astfel de exercitarea unei influene magice i anume, de gradul de afeciune investit de subiectiviti. Este vorba despre o dominaie, dar i despre o exploatare reciproc a celor ce iubesc, scopul fiind acela de a ,,manipula orice form de iubire care ar putea s se manifeste la nivel existenial. Mai mult, iubirea profund fascineaz prin fora pe care o transmite subiectivitilor. Cu alte cuvinte, n cadrul acestui proces afectiv este vizibil o lupt ntre dou forme de atitudine, ambele nscute din iubire: resemnarea i ambiia. Un timp perpetuu se ntemeiaz pe o instan ce trimite la conflict. O lupt interioar determin prezena ambiiei. n acest moment subiectivitatea i impune s depeasc limita vizualiznd imposibilul. Astfel, totul trebuie dus pn la punctul extrem, pn dincolo chiar de acesta. Nevoia n sine de a fi ct mai sus presupune i altceva. O satisfacie care cere sacrificii se concretizeaz numai pe acest fond, al visului. Dar pe lng faptul c visul asigur cltoria spre o lume posibil, acesta poate cltori la rndul su spre universuri alternative. Labirintul prin care visul cltorete exprim nelinitea i cutremurarea fiinei. Incapabil s schieze vreun gest aceasta se resemneaz n cele din urm. Totui, ea este nc tentat s admit existena. Gndul cltor se refugiaz n slbticia neputinei, unde orice form de simbolism este blocat pentru totdeauna. Un fel de gaur neagr a veniciei, de unde sperana nu va putea iei dect prin anularea complet a forei generate de resemnare. O ultim ncercare, o mulime de gnduri, un vis n deprtare se ntrezrete, un vis se nate undeva, acolo unde poate fi atins viitorul. O concluzie logic nu poate susine ns de fiecare dat validitatea realitii. S fie oare sacralitatea considerat drept o exagerare a realitii ? Fluidul unic sacru al fiinei i castitatea onest a acesteia fa de o lume promis ce aparine unei alte dimensiuni in de o ndrzneal care devalorizeaz modestia alteritii. Reprezentarea ambiiei constituie o dimensiune care este guvernat de posibilitate. De aceea, subiectivitatea sper s poat nelege necesitatea resemnrii. Prin ambiie resemnarea dobndete un alt sens. Tocmai antinomia ntre ambiie i resemnare justific aceast idee. Prin urmare, o astfel de presupoziie produce problematizri la nivelul reprezentrilor care se raporteaz la grade diferite de nelegere. Astfel, anumite reprezentri exprim un anumit mod de percepie prin intermediul cruia problematizarea se subordoneaz justificrilor pe care raiunea nsi le genereaz. 55

Aceste reprezentri constituie cazuri particulare ale experienei subiective prin intermediul crora ambiia substituie resemnarea i invers, resemnarea substituie ambiia. Este vorba despre o nelegere tacit menit s ,,rezolve ntr-o manier elegant i diplomat problema angoaselor existeniale. Totui, ofensa pe care o aduce dezndejdea subiectivitii duce la sufocarea i anihilarea ambiiei. Tocmai aici, n aceast situaie se observ rolul benefic pe care l are resemnarea. Aceasta, prin ,,iretenia de care d dovad determin o intensificare a sentimentelor interioare obligndu-le s se exteriorizeze. Or, acest proces are drept consecin trezirea ambiiei din starea de somnolen n care tocmai s-a refugiat. Un lucru e ns cert: ambiia i resemnarea se deosebesc prin principialitatea de care dau dovad subiectivitile. O adevrat emulaie este vizibil n tot acest proces. Fora ambiiei trimite la manifestarea unui gnd obsesiv prin fora unei legi care determin diferitele interpretri asupra realitii. Astfel, se produce un fenomen aproape patologic prin intermediul cruia se ntemeiaz la nivel existenial o coresponden de tip convenional ntre scop i ambiie. De aici rezult o imagine simbolic a unei realiti posibile. Ambiia permite o cunoatere a lumii (ct de periculos este nsui conceptul de ,,lume!) care este purttoare de semnificaii. Astfel, lumea este ,,invadat de relaii de tip cauz-efect. Prin resemnare i ambiie existena face tot posibilul s se ncadreze n dimensiunile unei nelegeri pragmatice. Altfel spus, n condiiile n care problematizarea asupra raportului subiectivitate-existen este evident, noul mod de percepie i de reprezentare nu trebuie neglijat. n acest sens, se poate admite c orice paradigm pragmatic mbriat de subiectivitate justific o anumit perspectiv de nelegere a realitii i, de asemenea, poate asigura garania verosimilului. Aceste conexiuni exprim, n fond, necesitatea unor criterii de eligibilitate prin intermediul crora s poat fi susinute atitudinile i ,,practicile discursive specifice subiectivitii. Este vorba despre un pragmatism care nu depinde numai de interpretrile date asupra realitii, ci i de modul n care paradigma rezultat se dovedete a fi util, pe de o parte, iar pe de alt parte, de lumea posibil n care respectiva paradigm se poate concretiza. Dar aceast perspectiv susine o form de imaginar care poate cauza o eroare n ceea ce privete aplicabilitatea unei paradigme. Astfel, a admite existena universurilor alternative, a lumilor posibile nu nseamn c o teorie, respectiv o soluie i afl valabilitatea n orice lume posibil, oricare ar fi aceasta, ci mai degrab, c teoria i soluia pot fi admise doar ntr-o singur lume i numai una, sau, chiar n niciuna (i aceasta n pofida faptului c teoria, respectiv soluia se dovedesc a fi utile doar la nivelul idealizrii, iar aici este evident un reducionism care se bucur de un anumit succes tiinific din punctul de vedere al interpretrii). 56

Ruptura total de existen anuleaz nsi existena. Contientizarea acestui fenomen ,,natural exclude posibilitatea de a stabili un alt fel de a fi dect cel ce exist n prezent. Totui, aceast contientizare presupune altceva. Cea mai pur experien ce rmne dup aceast ruptur este dat de imposibilitatea de a nelege contingena. Interpretrile sunt, ns, cele care ,,salveaz i consoleaz oarecum curiozitatea i angoasa.

O PICTUR DE CIANUR ESTE SUFICIENT PENTRU IUBIRE, PENTRU PRIETENIE

Cnd contiina te ceart nu-i rmne dect s te delectezi cu voma dezgustului provenit dintr-o pictur de cianur. O pictur de cianur este suficient pentru iubire, pentru prietenie, pentru dumnie, pentru orice provoac mpietrirea sufletului. Numai aa se poate ajunge la un nivel mediocru de existen. Neatenia existenei provoac agitaie. Ploaia suspinelor relev timpul, amintirea, venicia Zgomotele veniciei aduc aminte de gustul sngelui ce curge printre crinii albi abia czui; se caut i se gsete o nou idolatrie; lalelele sunt risipite i ele pe instabilul mormnt, iar trandafirii i arunc petalele pe trecutul ce tocmai s-a consumat. Amintirile curg, iar umbrele rezultate dintr-o strlucire specific luminii nebuniei se unduiesc n balta de lacrimi abia czute. Parc prea perfect e totul! Ceva n schimb nu e compatibil cu o anumit stare prin care dorina se transform n iluzie. De aceea, subiectivitatea are nevoie de perfuzii de indolen. Cum e posibil, cnd vezi c totul e perfect, s te plngi de imperfeciunile vieii? Interesant este c nebunia, schizofrenia, boala, n genere, nu fac nimic altceva dect s te constrng, s-i limiteze fiina. Certitudinea acestei situaii evideniaz n fond grimase ale incertitudinii. Cea mai fidel prietenie presupune dumnia perfect. Prietenia deriv din nemplinire i suferin accentuat. Lipsa a ceva ce nu poate fi definit este ,,umplut de prietenie. Acest sentiment se nate din iluzie gsindu-i un loc n fiina cuprins de mhnire. Povara prieteniei e suportabil n msura n care cel de alturi se preface a nelege amrciunea sufletului. Un astfel de comportament se contopete cu nebunia altruismului. A ceda nebuniei, a fi perseverent, a hoinri prin spaiul destinat veniciei, toate acestea ilustreaz o dezvoltare cancerigen a spiritului. Prin altruism este exprimat dezlnuirea nobleei sufletului. Conformismul amabilitii mimeaz n acest moment mila i lacrimile. Acesta nu este dect un model ridicol de a supravieui, 57

un model prin intermediul cruia moralitatea se transform ntr-o ruin existenial. Sensibilitatea pentru absurditate relev, n fond, un ndemn la renunare menit s otrveasc frumuseea visului. Iremediabila realitate duce la apariia superstiiei sterile ntr-o lume sufocat de gnduri linguitoare. Constituirea unui sistem moral la nivelul existenei anuleaz posibilitatea alegerii. Astfel, nedesprit de iluzie fiina se refugiaz n culpabilizare nemrturisit, prefernd s se salveze printr-un boicot asupra profanului. Dezndejdea de care d dovad e totui real i implic slbiciunea prejudecilor. Din aceast cauz o reevaluare a moralitii este compromis pentru totdeauna. n aceast modalitate de existen ireversibilitatea d dovad de sinceritate. Orice alt form de supravieuire este ineficace. Sterilitatea slbiciunii fiinei rivalizeaz cu o anumit caren dement a nelegerii. n acest mod, mpotriva absolutului se pronun inteligena inutil a celor ce vor s ajung n rndul marilor nelepi. Acetia prini n vulgaritatea propriului destin i poart orgoliul naiv n orizontul despotismului. Gravitatea intoleranei pe care acetia o afieaz n mod incontient nu face dect s le grbeasc sfritul. De parc i-ar psa cuiva i de aceasta! Dumnia deriv din nelegerea sentimentului de prietenie. Aceast realitate supus, de altfel, sacrificiului, se reduce la experiena subiectiv a veniciei. Universalitatea acestui fenomen epuizeaz de vlag orice subiectivitate care reuete s contientizeze o astfel de experien. Claritatea veniciei distruge expresivitatea normalitii. De aceea, o meditaie inevitabil asupra obscuritii existeniale trebuie acceptat fr nicio mpotrivire. O astfel de imagine apocaliptic zguduie orice form de paroxism, orice extaz nscut cu scopul de a uita de gndul morii. Tristeea debordant reuete s transforme bucuria n dispre i sperana n regret. Czut n derizoriu existena ascunde suspinul luminii i cntecul suav al veniciei, dar i dansul ce duce spre clipa ce nu va mai putea fi perceput vreodat. Lncezeala fiinei i plictisul afiat de aceasta trdeaz un mod de existen duplicitar. Aceast manier de a supravieui terge din contiina subiectivitii orice determinant existenial. Rtcirea ntr-o lume a dezamgirii nu face dect s mai adauge i puin monotonie la somnolena propriului destin. Aceast imagine tulburtoare menine masca ncremenit a subiectivitii. Dorina de rzbunare se dezlnuie asupra existenei caduce. Mai mult, prin acest avnt curiozitatea ameitoare i nspimnttoare n acelai timp duce la exasperare i la delir incendiar. Exasperarea contamineaz fiina cu furii bntuite de frustrri. Intensitatea acestora exprim prbuirea subiectivitii n vidul neputinei. Aceast senzaie de prbuire ncnt formele de iluzie care se revars prin imagini dezgusttoare n existen. Surpriza destinului const ns n capacitatea acestuia de a inventa soluii cu scopul de a evita tocmai acest viciu de existen. Aceast imagine ce 58

sugereaz imperfeciunea realitii determin elogii n faa raionalitii, care se dovedete a fi pn la urm plin de lingueli ispititoare i de laiti meschine. Delirul incendiar impregneaz cu sperane dearte gndul care ndrznete s priveasc la viitor. Cufundarea n vis demonstreaz existena farselor la nivelul oricrui tip de iniiativ. Tocmai acest neajuns proiecteaz subiectivitatea n posibilitate, iar acest salt transfigureaz suspinul destinului. Izolarea n infinit trdeaz o pasiune intens fa de nemrginirea singurtaii. Zmbetul ironic al veniciei strbate ntregul univers al contiinei, vitalitatea acesteia. A te situa n nemrginirea visului presupune contientizarea imposibilitii de a supravieui n faa oricrei forme de neprevzut. Astfel, ispita unui univers, n care prostituia amintirilor conduce fiina spre raionalitate excesiv, este cea care fascineaz prin lipsa de scrupule. Cu toate acestea, existena unui univers n care e permis i altceva reprezint un ctig pentru subiectivitate n condiiile n care lacrimile sufletului cristalizeaz sensibilitatea. Necesitatea unui astfel de fapt permite contradiciei s se manifeste, o contradicie plin de dramatism, dar i de fericire. Participarea la destinul unei astfel de lumi fixeaz infinitul n eternitate. n acest mod, extravagana veniciei ajunge s fie admirat i binecuvntat. Duritatea sacrificiului degenereaz n toleran. Mai mult, amabilitatea va fi consecina oricrei absurditi. Unde ncep i unde se sfresc indiferenele metafizice? Un adevrat dezastru macabru se nfieaz nelinitilor subiective. ndoiala inoculeaz ns i n acest univers cantiti deloc neglijabile de ridicol i de indiferen. Astfel, fiecare intenie prin intermediul creia se tnjete dup o clip de fericire este hrzit derizoriului. Plutind pe valurile nemplinirii fericirea naufragiaz n cele din urm n mediocritate. Victim a superficialitii mediocritatea devine insensibil la orice form de ambiie. Totui, nu orice subiectivitate i trdeaz propria natur printr-un refugiu n mila proprie. Gloria care nsoete ambiia presupune o resemnare plin de demnitate n faa veniciei. O astfel de reacie mpiedic separarea fiinei de sine nsi. Aspiraiile subiectivitii nu se termin acolo unde nihilismul devine primejdios. Dimpotriv, perseverena culege roadele cnd buntatea nu mai devine accesibil tuturor celor aflai ntr-o astfel de competiie. Regretul c nu se respect anumite principii justific mai mult sau mai puin faptul c ntr-o lupt trebuie fcut tot posibilul pentru a obine victoria. Totui, aa cum unele lucruri se dovedesc n anumite situaii a fi mai importante dect victoria, la fel, a duce o lupt dup propriile reguli se dovedete uneori mult mai eficace dect a respecta ,,regulile acesteia. Astfel, a avea mentalitate de ctigtor i a fi mereu deasupra celorlali nseamn a te expune mereu unui dublu pericol: pe de o parte, aceluia care const n ,,cultivarea unui orgoliu ce duce pn la urm la propria nimicire, iar pe de alt parte, aceluia de a fi mprocat tot timpul cu ura i invidia celor neputincioi. 59

Simpatia fiinei fa de venicie d satisfacie acelor clipe imuabile i inerte. Raportndu-se la transcenden subiectivitatea reuete s se mntuiasc prin creearea unei corespondene ntre posibilitate i sacru. Aceast form de manifestare evideniaz un ntreg rezultat din concretizarea intenionalitii n cadrul lumilor posibile. De aceea, o pictur de cianur este suficient pentru iubire, pentru prietenie

EPITAF
Iart tu, via, venicia morii cci un singur gnd invoc regretul prin resemnarea n faa prezentului. Fugind n zbor, vrjit de sursul veniciei, umbra tcerii arunc lacrimi de foc asupra florilor abia crescute pe proasptul mormnt. Frunzele sunt cenuii de mult vreme. De fapt, a rmas doar cenuiu i cenu. n fond, destinele vagi reprezint risip, splendoare a ceea ce curnd nu va mai fi. Frumuseea unei zile ce nu va mai fi ziu, misterul nopii ce nu va mai dinui, aceste dou complementariti elementare exprim o reticen tolerabil. Am crezut att de mult n tine via i tu m-ai prsit pentru nefiina trupului ! Am crezut att de mult n optimismul tu i tu mi-ai dat pesimismul ontologic ! Fuga ta a dat natere unui zbor nevzut specific doar unei taine. Zborul sufletului din trup a provoacat durere i resemnare, exprimnd pace i lacrimi, relevnd linite i singurtate, dnd srcie, dar i bogie, aducnd amintire i uitare, oferind ur i iubire! Care este de fapt garania nemuririi ? Este nevoie de aa ceva ? mi este dor de tine, via ! Tu, cea care mi-ai artat ce e ambiia, tu, cea care mi-ai oferit iubirea, tu, cea care m-ai fcut s gust din licoarea resemnrii, de ce m-ai prsit? Aici n venicie, nefiina mea plnge, ea i dorete altceva i nu sfritul. Regretul, neputina i viermii mi tulbur linitea promis n fiinare. Am vrut un mormnt pe care mereu s rsar lalele, crini i trandafiri. Dar timpul nu a dat dovad de clemen, de buntate, de drnicie, de toleran dect cnd a vrut si demonstreze propria existen. Timpul m-a adus n venicie, el mi-a oferit cele mai frumoase flori i tot el mi le-a luat. Totui, n locul lalelelor, a crinilor, a trandafirilor, care au bucurat undeva, cndva sufletele ce au ndrznit s iubeasc, au nceput s rsar flori-de-nu-m-uita, nscute i predestinate unei lupte cu timpul, cu resemnarea, cu iubirea. i totui, nu te pot judeca pe tine via drag pentru c m-ai prsit, regret doar c frumoasele clipe pe care mi le-ai oferit s-au consumat, au trecut cu o vitez nucitoare i totul s-a stins mai repede dect mi-a fi putut imagina. Nu voi uita niciodat splendoarea clipelor de altdat 60

i misterul trecutului, nu voi uita ambiia i resemnarea, nu voi uita pe Cineva Drag, sufletul cruia i-am oferit toat iubirea, nu voi uita adierea vntului i zborul ameitor, nu voi uita i nu voi lsa s se risipeasc emoia, bucuria, fericirea. tiu c i aici n venicie am dreptul la vis, la dorin, la iubire. tiu c o minunat poveste care a nceput undeva, cndva nu s-a ncheiat nc. Ea s-a nscut dintr-o ambiie fr limite i dintr-o iubire profund i magic.

NECROLOG
n nebunia denat a concretului ce vine dintr-o lume a prezentului, valsul spiritului arat drumul spre eternitate strignd cu disperare: ,,Speran, dar i libertate!. E drumul spre filosofie, iar gndul afieaz o mare bucurie; acum, o teorie altfel dect cea normal urmeaz propria gndire i aa banal. Aici, o inim puternic mai poate doar ajunge, cnd focul morii peste apa vieii curge, iar indolena care crede c tie ce este i ce nu n gnd, privete o lacrim n abis curgnd. Apoi, mai curge una, nc una, apoi alta nsngerat, uvoiul inefabil curgnd, el un destin arat. i, tot aa, treptat, un dans graios apare, un cald srut al morii ex nihilo rsare. i s aezai ct mai curnd, flori-de-nu-m-uita, lalele, trandafiri i crini pe-al meu mormnt, dar i-un necrolog s nu uitai a scrie, iar totul s rmn doar, simbol, iubire, filosofie. Adio sau pe cnd va fi s fie!

TESTAMENT
Cnd La nceput interogaia ,,Ce nseamn s faci filosofie cu pasiune ? relev o Viziune asupra linitii, dar i o Involuie specific unor forme de existen, se creeaz o dimensiune n care o Iubire mpietrit ncearc s justifice o Realitate. Cum se nate un oim ? Cum moare un oim ? E scris n stele... c naterea i moartea au parte de o Iubire interzis, iar Cnd pierzi pe cineva drag totul devine fr sens. Astfel, Dansnd n faa morii clipa devine ironie, ea este Altceva, o lume care ncepe undeva n trecut. De aceea, O pictur de cianur este suficient pentru iubire, pentru prietenie, iar pe mormntul fiecruia un Epitaf s fie prezent n amintirea unui Necrolog. Toate acestea printr-un Testament ! Persavosentloschecalcosventiuno! 61

62

LA DCADENCE DE LA SINCRIT. UNE PHILOSOPHIE NAVE TRAVERS DES PENSES SIMPLES

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Je ddie ce livre au plus extraordinaire tre que jai jamais connu, que jai normment aim et que jaimerai pour toujours, AVENIC GARD.

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Lamour se sent avec le coeur et se vit avec lme

AVENIC GARD

65

REMERCIEMENTS
La dcadence de la sincrit reprsente des vcus qui nont pas laiss en paix la subjectivit. Ainsi, quelques uns de ces vcus, quelques penses, quelques philosophies sont restes dans les souvenirs du pass, dans les crises existentielles dautrefois et peut-tre il est mieux que tout se soit pass de telle manire. Mais, parfois, la contradiction avec dautres ides, la contradiction avec ceux qui ont eu le courage de philosopher, avec ceux qui ont eu le courage de vivre et daimer, sest transpos dans une pense qui a toujours dsir, semble-t-il, changer quelque chose dans limage de la nature de la subjectivit. Cette situation se justifie aussi par le fait que la vie ne doit pas tre vue et refuse par lintermdiaire des frustrations (quelle quelles soient), la vie elle-mme ne doit pas tre regarde comme un prjug idatique o les concepts, les thories, les plus profonds vcus sont exprims seulement pour les exprimer. La complexit des vcus affectifs relve, bien que tout le monde ne le reconnaisse pas, un besoin aigu de philosopher. Il sagit dun besoin spcifique dexpliquer lunivers subjectif avec ses horizons et ses limites de connaissance. Mais cet essai de comprendre les respectives implications renvoie un autre problme voire la nature humaine. Or, la nature humaine nest pas possible, ne peut se falsifier elle-mme que par rapport au plus profond sentiment : lamour. Ainsi, si lamour na pas de limites, alors la comprhension de son mcanisme transcende aussi dans des espaces o la validit quelle suppose devient significative. Du pouvoir de cette signification se font coupables dune certaine manire, ceux qui ont t prs de moi et laide desquels jai russi transposer la plupart des ides qui mont offert une part de lextase existentiel. De plus, ceux-ci mont montr que La vie este belle mme si les situations sont quelques fois incomprhensibles , ont confirm que la question Tu es OK ? nat des rponses comme Cest mon problme ! ou Cest ton problme ! , ont renforc la conviction que quelques fois Dans la vie on peut recommencer zro , en adoptant mme dans des situations spcifiques une attitude de Je men fichisme ! . Dailleurs, le monde dont je fais partie ma montr quon doit toujours prendre des risques et le faire au nom de la sincrit, mme si quelques fois elle saccomplit par la dcadence. cette occasion, je remercie beaucoup les personnes pour les suggestions donnes, pour le fait quelles ont eu le courage et la patience de parcourir ces penses, pour les critiques 66

constructives apportes, pour laide offerte pour les traductions en franais et en anglais aux plus profondes motions, sans lesquelles, la finalisation de ce merveilleux conte qui a commenc quelque part, une fois, naurait pas t possible. Pour cette raison, je veux vous rappeler les noms des personnes envers qui je suis reconnaissant pour le fait quelles ont russi comprendre les vrais vcus avec lesquels la subjectivit se soit confronte. Premirement je remercie Irina Lulciuc et Tinela Nastasi parce quelles ont compris ce qui devait tre compris relativement la manifestation de la logique affective spcifique pour toute subjectivit. Je les remercie pour la manire dont elles ont rpondu la provocation de transposer ces penses dans une forme qui appartient dautres dimensions spirituelles. Dans ce sens, je leur suis reconnaissant de la manire dont elles ont pris soin de la traduction en franais et en anglais de ce livre. De mme, je remercie de tout mon cur Dominique Besnard-Rousset dont limplication a contribu lexpression de lauthenticit en franais et Mary Connoly qui a fait possible la comprhension en anglais. Leurs observations relvent un essai srieux de transposer les penses et les sentiments de la subjectivit dans des dimensions spirituelles spcifiques dailleurs des horizons avec des mentalits diffrentes. Je remercie aussi Nist Corido, Dana Slevoaca et Georgiana Macovei pour la manire dont ils ont contribu ldition et la parution de ce livre. Leur imagination transpose dans la graphique de certaines pages constitue la preuve la plus concluante de leur implication dans cette dmarche. Pas dernirement je remercie Avenic Gard, ltre que jai aim le plus et qui ma montr quun amour profond et vritable peut tre possible nimporte o et nimporte quand. Si les souvenirs peuvent dtruire, ce sont toujours eux qui aident vivre par la cration de certaines ides, de certains mots, dun monde possible : SIDMINA.

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AVANT PROPOS
Cher tre, avant de parcourir ces penses noublie pas une chose : toute pense exprime lesprance et comme processus tlologique celle-ci se transforme en rsignation. Cependant, tu ne veux pas reconnatre, tu ne veux pas accepter cette situation parce que ta volont est celle qui te trompe, te rend invincible, immortel. Mais ce principe nest plus valable dans le non-tre. Ta faiblesse provoque en toi de lcurement et de la rsignation. Mais, avant tout, noublie pas que le non-tre est illimit et la conscience de ton propre tre nest quun tat qui tengage sentir la peur, la crainte, langoisse. Noublie pas que tu es incapable de fuir le non-tre. Un jour, on est tous condamns la rsignation. Un jour, on est tous condamns au non-tre. Un jour, on aura tous des souvenirs partager, mais aussi de loubli. Lhistoire te citera peut-tre quelque part dans un temps oubli ou dans un endroit que trs peu dcouvriront justement du dsir d'oublier loubli. Il sagit dune lutte incessante entre ltre et le non-tre, une lutte dont on connat le rsultat davance. Au fond, cela reprsente labsurde de ton caractre : ambition et rsignation. Il est possible que ma faon de penser mcontente ceux qui mentourent ; et mme en effraye certains. Les uns pourraient devenir ironiques, les autres pourraient manifester leur manque dintrt. Je dois admettre que cela me fait plaisir. Au fond, ce monde est celui dans lequel notre propre existence se manifeste. Je ne serais pas la seule personne dans ce monde dont on pourrait dire: Celui-l nest quun fou ! Savoir vouloir signifie tre parmi les meilleurs ; cela signifie savoir lutter, ragir, riposter de telle faon que la chance soit de ton ct. Malgr le tourment intrieur quprouve chacun, nous sommes tous les mmes. Je crois que cest lidentit 68

ontologique la plus insupportable. La vie de quelquun nest que limage en miroir de lautre. Par consquent, on a affaire deux mondes : lun rel et lautre possible. Notre devoir est de vivre et notre but est dtablir lequel des deux mondes est digne de nous. Cet gocentrisme mne une vrit plus ou moins tragique. Et cependant, il serait possible quun jour quelque chose surgisse. Tout ce que tu rencontreras ici ne sont quobsessions qui se sont concrtises au niveau du rve. La pense a envahi ltre en provoquant des motions inhrentes ! On ne doit quavoir le pouvoir de les reconnatre et de les accepter. Au fond, on ne doit que se rsigner et ironiser la rsignation, ironiser lironie de lironie de la rsignation. Beaucoup de compassion, ME

AU COMMENCEMENT
Au dbut il y avait une pense. Mais non une pense simple purement et simplement, mais la pense qui se concrtise simultanment partout o chaque matre (professeur, enseignant), chaque disciple (lve, tudiant) cherche et attend quelque chose Matre et disciple, voici une complmentarit absolue ! Je discute avec quelques-uns de mes collgues et je me rends compte que lcole o ils ont vcu une bonne partie de leur vie porte lempreinte du pass. Chacun dentre eux sont agits, peuttre un peu mus. Bien plus, jessaie de les provoquer un peu, dentrer dans leur pass. Presque chez tout le monde les mmes penses se propagent de proche en proche, des souvenirs se retrouvent La persistance des penses et des sentiments dautrefois provoque lesprit. Et je me rends compte que rien ne se perd, mme si sa propre image change. Les impressions se gardent dans les motions, dans le cycle de lhistoire, et lternit exprime par le concept de temps annule la distance entre gnrations. Une pense et un souvenir communiquent lunivers entier les instants invisibles et inaudibles dantan Je regarde alentour et je prends conscience dun futur invisible que certains jeunes pourraient sentir un beau jour dans le miroir du pass qui arrivera : professeurs, les collgues, les amis dautrefois. Ce qui tait apparu au dbut comme une pense sest transforme dun coup dans un rayon de lumire. A leur mmoire, laissons que ce rayon de lumire traverse le temps, que son vol soit paisible et que dans sa chaleur soit grav SAGESSE ! Le vol des oiseaux donne naissance un sourire damour et la merveille de lUnivers chante et parle dans le temps avec quelque chose qui a t 69

Si au dbut il y avait une pense, indubitablement la fin nexistera pas Si limprvu nat lide, alors incontestablement la conscience ira plus loin Loriginalit et la libert de sexprimer, spcifiques la dignit humaine, cristallisent la reconnaissance face aux instants de jadis car quelque part, un moment donn un merveilleux conte a commenc

QUE SIGNIFIE PHILOSOPHER AVEC PASSION ?

-Cela signifie croire quil y a toujours une possibilit ! Vivre seul deux ; se voir travers lautre ; sentir le besoin dun conflit avec soi-mme ; tre en mesure de se vaincre ; parcourir le chemin de lauto connaissance (si lon le trouvera jamais). La personnalit unique dans son genre nest-elle pas une exacerbation du conflit clat entre moi et moi ? De quoi a-t-on besoin ? tre calme ou colrique, tre faible ou puissant, tre pessimiste ou optimiste ? Il est possible que cette ncessit rsulte justement de notre habilet dobserver la Ralit. Mais narrive-t-on pas un ennui existentiel en agissant de la sorte ? Il y a toujours une possibilit ! -Cela signifie touffer ceux autour de toi avec ta manire dtre ! Le dsir et le pouvoir reprsentent deux penses qui empchent les autres inlassablement de vivre comme ils le dsireraient ! Aussi bien, elles rendent plus difficile la problmatologie de sa propre nature. La contextualit provoque en nous satisfaction et dplaisir. Pour cette raison, limpertinence conduit sa destruction en tant que personne. De la mme faon, le bon sens gnre le non-tre. La normalit signifie contradiction. Lanormalit mne la contradiction ! Et lquilibre mne-t-il quelque part ? La rponse est la suivante : nulle part, cest--dire lendroit o -Cela signifie devenir salaud ! On dit quon est plein de vertu si on est malade et on ne le montre personne. On est malade et on ne dit rien aux personnes qui nous entourent - celle-ci est la vertu dans sa plnitude, selon certains. Cette situation nest quune rsignation devant la mort. Mais notre devoir ne devrait pas tre celui de la rsignation, mais celui de la lutte ? Mais une lutte dans et (par) la rsignation. On ne doit pas tenir cache en nous la maladie, la douleur, la souffrance, mais tout cela doit tre rvl ceux qui nous entourent. Les autres doivent tre touchs par notre propre souffrance. Chacun devrait savoir ce qui signifie tre malade, un malade contagieux qui ne gurit pas. Chacun doit prouver au moins une seule fois la crainte et la folie et le manque de folie. Celui qui est malade ne 70

doit quclater en sanglots devant les autres, le cri de douleur doit tre puissant. Sa souffrance a la mission dimpressionner les proches. En consquence, ceux qui sont en bonne sant convoiteront la maladie, la douleur et la souffrance de celui qui est malade : ils trouveront un prtexte pour apporter des mots de soulagement autour deux. En voyant lenfer, le malade se dirige vers le paradis. Il sera pardonn car il a souffert, et sa souffrance se transmettra aussi aux autres. La maladie est surmonte quand on russit lliminer de son propre corps seulement au moment o celui qui est en bonne sant te la emprunte. Le miracle de sa propre gurison consiste dans le fait que celui est auprs de toi aime sa maladie. La guerre entre celui qui est malade et celui qui est en bonne sant doit sachever par un compromis. Qui va gagner ? Probablement personne. Et pourtant, on est dispos affirmer que tout dpend de cette guerre -Cela signifie se rjouir de sa maladie ! Quelle impuissance chez un malade ! Quel abandon ! Est-ce quil arrive lhomme malade d'tre considr comme bon rien? Lhomme malade est lhomme du dsespoir et de la douleur insupportable. Lhomme lutte. La maladie lutte. Leffroi et lespoir saccrochent ltre. Mais, lorgueil fait perdre la guerre aux deux. La maladie transforme ltre et lui offre en mme temps des illusions. Allumez une bougie et appelez un mdecin ! -Cela signifie conscientiser le bouleversement de son propre tre ! Une profonde mort secoue profondment la chair. Le moment de lultime pense de la vie est arriv. Lenvie de vivre est arrive la limite. la limite du dbut ou la limite de la fin ? La suprmatie de langoisse sur le calme se fait sentir dans tout ltre. Tout vibre ce moment. Le dsir de vivre sest transform dans un soupir mordant. Les rles apparaissent. On change les places. Le triomphe du calme sur langoisse dira son dernier mot. Le moribond ne fait rien dautre que conscientiser langoisse et le calme. Le froid de la mort signifie la dictature sur le corps. Le froid est plus puissant que la chaleur. Mais o commence et se termine la chaleur ? -Cela signifie de voir la dsesprance dun mort ! La dsesprance dun mort, voici le plus affreux dsespoir qui puisse exister ! tre mort et ne pas se rendre compte de cet tat signifie tre et ne pas tre la fois. Chute et ascension fusionnent donnant naissance au dsespoir. On est mort, mais peut-tre y a-t-il encore une tincelle de vie en soi. Il serait possible que lon vive encore un peu. La pense apparat : une dernire raison. On anticipe le mouvement. La pense et le sens souvrent, on regarde autour de soi ou on sent sans 71

regarder. Et lon voit et lon sent quobscurit et cyanure. Le rel devient irrel. La terreur lenvahit et le dsespoir samplifie. Considrer sa mort, avoir lintuition de la froideur de son corps, sentir lodeur de sa propre chair qui se trouve dans une continuelle dcomposition. Frmir sa propre image, mourir et vivre en mme temps, voici les frayeurs qui composent le dsespoir dun mort. On a t vivant. Maintenant on est un cadavre sain. On est mort, mais on vit encore. Ltonnement na pas de valeur ou -Cela signifie accepter la rsignation contre sa propre volont ! travers lloquence le hasard est dtest. Quel dsespoir lenterrement dun non-tre ! Quelle souffrance dans ces instants ! Que de regret alentour ! Et ce qui est le plus tonnant, cest la joie que certains essaient de montrer ce momentl, une forme inconsciente dailleurs de prsenter la faiblesse de son propre tre, de cacher sa propre douleur ! De combien de solutions aura-t-on besoin pour rsoudre le problme de la rsignation face ce qui nexistera plus ? - Cela signifie voir une lumire steindre et attendre ce quune autre sallume! Quand on est sur le chemin du non-tre le ncrologue se concrtise et la tristesse et la joie viendront prs de soi. La volont et lambition vont disparatre elles aussi. Et combien elles tont aid pour exister. Les amis, sils existent, disparaissent eux aussi. Les ennemis pareillement ! Et ceux qui vous sont chers Ceux qui vous sont chers on les a quitts et on ne se rend pas compte quon ne se soucie plus deux. Ceux qui vous sont chers, le non-tre les transforme en souffrants, en fous, en impuissants qui ne comprennent pas la mort, en rsigns ! Le non-tre est prs deux, et ils sont prs du nontre. La communication se ralise par soupir et silence, par larmes et indiffrence, par transformation et dsespoir. Que reste-t-il ? Le bouleversement qui disparatra lui aussi un jour -Cela signifie mditer en regardant quelque part ! On rflchit profondment et on dit : il existe , il nexiste pas . Et on dit encore : probablement , et le probable devient autre chose et ainsi de suite. En regardant l, quelque part, on se rend compte de ltat confus qui enveloppe ltre. On tremble, on seffraye. La peur a t toujours en soi, et sa conscientisation provoque un tat de solitude. La solitude apparat quand la peur devient plus intense. La peur bloque les ractions, mais elle donne galement un courage fou. En regardant l, quelque part, on se demande : existe-t-il un monde unique ou un monde situ 72

dans un autre, etc. ? La pluralit du monde offre lambigut qui l, quelque part, un moment donn -Cela signifie se provoquer une blessure dans lexistence ! On sest tous loigns du pass. Lartificialit dtermine la disparition de lesprit. L o lesprit manque, toute initiative de vivre disparat. tre condamns non spiritualit ? On prtend vivre dans un temps prsent. Lexistence reprsente du danger pour la cration. Notre offensive est de fait notre attaque. Lexistence qui sautodtruit devient de la mme faon un danger pour la cration -Cela signifie se contredire ! Quel monde calme ! Douceur mercantile ! On vit dans un tat de batitude, de dlire illimit. On est les prisonniers du pourquoi. On est optimistes parce quon a droit loptimisme. On est pessimistes parce quon a droit au pessimisme. On choisit nimporte quoi, mais on choisit quelque chose de particulier. On sautoinvite lexistence et puis on fait tout le possible pour se dtruire. Et pourtant, il se pourrait quune contradiction soit possible -Il signifie vivre la dsillusion ! Un monde brutal. Partout du vice ! Un monde alin ! coeurement total. Passion entre les gens. Il ne sert rien de rire du comique de ce monde. Il est inutile de se plaindre. Il est inutile de laider triompher, ni mme le regretter. Un monde en dlire, voil ce quon est. Un dlire illimit, un dlire fou. Par nous, le monde apparat et disparat. Lexistence du monde est-elle justifie ? Notre propre existence est-elle justifie ? Cela dpend de chacun. Le monde ? Une contradiction ! Le monde ? Une dsillusion ! Le monde ? Un courage ! Le monde ? Une certitude ! Le monde ? Quelque chose en trop ! -Cela signifie trouver une folie pure ! Souvent les gens se heurtent les uns contre les autres. Le corps cherche, lesprit trouve. Lesprit rflchit, le corps trouve. Cette chose, ce fait. Le corps cherche, le corps trouve ; lesprit rflchit, lesprit trouve -Cela signifie percevoir un cri dans lobscurit de sa pense ! On est seul et on rflchit ? On entre en contradiction avec sa propre personne. On parvient une conscience charge. On sent une odeur cadavrique de respiration, mais aussi de libert 73

utopique. Et alors, on veut sortir, vader, respirer et / ou inspirer autre chose que lillusion et le dsespoir. On entend un cri dans lobscurit de sa pense. Un clair, un chagrin. Et pourtant, un clair dans lobscurit de sa pense. Quelque chose trop purile, mais ncessaire -Cela signifie rflchir la pense ! Murphy : si on ne proteste pas, on na rien ; si lon proteste, il est possible davoir pire. Combien de mots, tant de sciences. Combien dimages, tant de connaissances. Tout est majestueux, magnifique, impressionnant jusquau moment o lennui intervient. -Cela signifie croire quil ny a plus aucune possibilit ! Comment voit-on ce monde ? En fait, on le voit, on le sent ou il nous apparat ? Ceux qui se considrent comme suprieurs aux autres, croient quils peuvent profiter de ceux-ci. Ils appliquent la dictature et la terreur sorties de leur propre frustration. Une fois jai connu une personne dont les sages disaient quil avait eu une enfance pleine de timidits et de frustrations. Cette personne a grandi, sest tu et a frapp mortellement. Puis elle est devenue un dictateur insignifiant. A ce moment-l, plusieurs ont chu, mais galement plusieurs sont ns. A ceux qui sont tombs, le sort a rserv lindiffrence. Pour ceux qui sont ns, certains a t rserve limmortalit tandis quaux autres on a rserv la timidit et la frustration En ce qui concerne le petit dictateur, on ne sait plus rien -Cela signifie accepter limprvisible ! Chanter ! Rire ! Pleurer ! Senvoler ! Voici quelques uns des impratifs dont on doit tenir compte dans son existence. Lanalyse de sa propre conscience devrait conduire la confiance en quelquun ou en quelque chose ! Crier ! Conscientiser la destruction ! Aimer la maladie ! Sentir la mort ! Aimer ce quon ne croit pas pouvoir aimer ! Voici quelques uns des dsirs de la majorit, et cependant, tellement impossible atteindre ! -Cela signifie imaginer son avenir ! Presque tout le temps on est obsds par la construction des scnarii apocalyptiques. Il parat que lhumanit trouve un grand plaisir imaginer de tels scnarii. Mais le bouleversement de chaque civilisation ne se conscientise quaprs son passage Presque toujours on pense la fin, mais plus rarement au dbut. Imagine-toi que soudain tu apprends que tu as trs peu de temps vivre. Peu importe la cause. Quelle serait ta premire raction ? Mais celle de ceux autour de toi ? Imagine-toi de mme, 74

quon toffre la mme quantit de temps pour reconstruire le monde. Comment vas-tu procder ? Quelle en serait la premire chose faire ? Demande-toi : Que signifie philosopher avec passion ?

VISION DU SILENCE
Lide de silence accompagne en permanence ltre. Quil peut tre plaisant ! Et combien de violence il peut gnrer autour de lui ! Le non silence enveloppe ltre de tous les cots. Le plus pur silence sobtient dans la solitude. Le plus pur silence nat toujours dans la solitude. Toutefois, le silence surprend seulement sil se trouve en relation avec autre chose. De cette manire, attribuer des traits explicites permet la pense la libert dexpression et aux sentiments de se manifester. Quand peut-on disposer du silence parfait? En perant le silence on simagine pouvoir comprendre vraiment ce qui est le bien, ce qui est le mal, ce qui est la souffrance, ce qui est la joie. Mais existent-ils de pareilles choses en ralit? Par exemple, la mditation demande de la solitude, mais paradoxalement en gotant la souffrance et en flottant dans la mlancolie on sent quon nest plus seul. Par le silence on se consume normment, ressentant en soi de vraies angoisses existentielles. Par le silence, on croit arriver lautoconnaissance, la reconstruction du monde, de la ralit, aux solutions, etc. Le courage de transposer des penses simples travers une philosophie nave suppose en ralit une sincrit innocente mle un vritable dlire idatique, mais aussi avec des explications quelques fois contradictoires qui ne soutiennent chaque fois aucune logique par lintermdiaire de laquelle les principes de base de la pense soient respects. Cette philosophie nave dpend plutt dune logique de laffectivit, des vcus profonds, qui a besoin parfois de banalit, dune dcadence de la sincrit. Pour cette raison peut-tre le mcontentement des autres face ce qui suivra, face aux penses simples, face aux mditations puriles, face aux vcus crits se transformera en ironie. On a presque honte dexposer des penses simples et tre les adeptes dune philosophie nave. Cest une honte qui drive de la crainte. Il sagit de la crainte en ce qui concerne la moquerie des autres, leur ironie, une crainte parue de lincomprhension que laltrit affiche avec nonchalance. De cette manire, le droit lauto ironie est pleinement justifi. Lexposition des penses simples conduit lcroulement de la subjectivit dans la navet. Un prtexte en plus pour lironie de ceux qui nous entourent de se jeter sauvagement sur les mes qui ont eu le courage de linnocence, du risque, sur ceux qui ont embrass une philosophie du vol et qui ont eu le pouvoir de joindre un chemin du succs, sur ceux qui ont accept lambition et la rsignation, mais aussi sur ceux qui ont os daimer profondment. 75

cras par le silence le plus profond, je commence voir un monde dont je ntais pas conscient jusqu prsent. Il est possible que je lai connu par intuition une fois, que je lai vcu au moment o jen ai eu le plus besoin Dans le rve, le dsir reoit une forme et la matire se transforme en esprit. La force du rve met en vidence une possibilit de reprsenter la spontanit du spculatif. Concepts cristalliss, mlange de thories, ides confuses, toutes se font coupables de lexplication du rve, dun rve avec une double vie : un rve qui veut se concrtiser (le dsir, lavenir) et un rve qui sest concrtis (imagination, pass). Linvasion des penses sur les sentiments met en vidence une capacit cache. Un mlange dides, de concepts, de thories renvoient tant lunivers intrieur qu lunivers extrieur, vers lme, vers les toiles, vers des univers parallles et des mondes possibles, vers la connaissance et limpuissance, vers la volont, lambition et la rsignation. Un vrai spectacle qui provoque la guerre entre admiration et envie, entre confiance et mfiance, entre amour et haine. Le dtachement de la ralit immdiate justifie la dmarche initie en vue daccepter dautres mondes. Cet engagement (d) constructif est en fait susceptible dune critique vhmente de la part de ceux qui ont des prtentions la normalit. Leur fidlit envers la rationalit excessive et envers les passions de courte dure trahit un monde parfaitement clos, une ralit subordonne une dictature qui gouverne daprs les prjugs surprenants et aprs des principes mal appliqus. Ainsi, ntant pas capables de rendre linexprimable et son symbolisme spcifique, les critiques de laffectivit prfrent plutt taler leur intellectualit par linvention de quelques formes dexprience violente, de quelques manifestations barbares, destines impressionner mme la culture laquelle ils se subordonnent, une culture construite dailleurs artificiellement et superficiellement. La ralit (re) construite et (d)construite constitue une image situe dans un horizon temporel spcifique. Ainsi, lobjectivit du monde, explique par les subjectivits engages, exprime une mentalit obsde par des scnarios apocalyptiques, par des renaissances spirituelles, par des rgnrescences existentielles. Bien sr, cette situation nest pas condamner dans la mesure o la transgression des valeurs ractualise la symbolique de la ralit. Autrement dit, la ralit explique par lintermdiaire des possibilits nexclut pas, dans la vertu dune logique affective, mettre en vidence la structure que construisent certaines thories scientifiques. Lessai hermneutique de dchiffrer la signification des symboles trouve sa justification justement dans les interprtations donnes la ralit. Ainsi, les spculations conceptuelles thoriques sinsrent dans des dimensions spatio temporelles qui appartiennent aux mondes possibles. Quel est au fond le but de lexistence ? Il y a des justifications dictiques par 76

lintermdiaire desquelles les interprtations sur lexistence sont rendues par un processus de dcryptage des symboles de la ralit. Prendre conscience de cette situation gnre diverses interprtations de la ralit. En plus, ses thorisations deviennent inconsquentes dans la mesure o certaines affirmations sont impossibles confirmer. Bien sr, lambigut des interprtations, les confusions conceptuelles, mais aussi les modalits alternatives de reprsentation des possibilits renvoient au conventionnalisme. Toutefois, llaboration dun conventionnalisme suppose lacceptation des prsuppositions qui se trouvent au fondement la comprhension de lintentionnalit.

INVOLUTION
Certaines personnes croient que cette vie est une chose merveilleuse et trop courtoise avec eux mmes. Je mobstine y croire. Car on assemble en nous de la souffrance, des troubles, de la douleur. Pourtant, au carrefour de ces chemins, on recueille des trsors comme la vertu, lharmonie et lesprance. Au fur et mesure quon sinquite, lindiffrence blesse notre me. Lavenir dpend de nous mmes. La vie et la mort mettent lempreinte sur nous. La confusion rgne souvent dans ce monde, mais aussi lmotion puissante. Cest une motion puissante qui nous fait dcouvrir un monde affam. Nous sommes habitus festoyer sur nos spultures. Jose dire, bien que les ironies iront croissant, quune menace nous guette. Et en prcisant tout cela, je ne voudrais pas du tout polmiquer avec qui que ce soit, mais jadmets que tous les piges de la vie sont nfastes en relation avec ce quon appelle notre batitude. Malgr cela voici pourquoi la vie et la mort sont profondment moins susceptibles danalyse dans la mesure o on subit laccablement de ces obsessions. On respire peine. Par la suite on est soudainement puiss par cette vie. Cest un tat dplaisant. Malgr tout, on meurt plus tt que lon simagine. Dommage ! La pense de lternit dveloppe silencieusement des stratgies convenables pour accepter linvitable. Une pense dpourvue de prjugs met en vidence un statut spcial du bon sens. Une telle tolrance exclut pour toujours loptimisme, surtout parce que, par cette faon de voir la ralit, on conscientise tout tat dangoisse. ce moment, la pense se rvolte et de cette protestation naissent le risque, le courage, la crainte, le souci. De mme, se manifestent irrmdiablement la folie et la mfiance. Par la folie la passion prend vie. Aucun sentiment ne passe facilement, ne peut tomber dans loubli sans une dmarche rcursive dans ce qui a t dj vcu. Lapathie de la mfiance vient dun 77

monde o les situations sont renverses. De cette faon, dans un monde o la mfiance rgne, lambition prend la forme de lombre de la rsignation. Seul celui qui ressent labsence de la personne aime peut tre encore digne de confiance et, cela, dans une petite mesure. Par la mfiance toute forme de vrit nest plus ancre dans la ralit. Lesprit de lternit sexprime dans la vivacit de ceux qui acceptent cette perspective. Tout espoir se dissipe avant quil ne prenne des racines. On ralise de la sorte une insertion affective profonde au niveau des mentalits. Le tragicomique de cette situation rsulte du fait que, par des charlataneries et des compromis, les temps changent les mentalits. Des intrts mesquins tracs au niveau des mentalits dirigent le regard acide de la mfiance vers ltre. Davantage, la fragile et dlicate innocence de la sincrit est admire et mprise en mme temps des ignorants. Dailleurs, la violence des ignorants, matrialise dans des manifestations sauvages, brutales trahit des manires ignobles. Les traces rpugnantes laisses par cette attitude suggrent lexistence de limbcillit au niveau existentiel. Seuls les enlacements passionnels entre lambition et la rsignation dvoilent le dsir de lutter contre limbcillit. Cette lutte prolonge le processus de conscientisation de lautonomie de langoisse sur la personne. ce moment, lexprience spirituelle met en vidence un processus organique par lintermdiaire duquel une forme de sacralit, immanente dailleurs lexistence, justifie les grimaces de la dcadence prdestines, semble-t-il, se dvelopper dans lespace des mondes possibles. Une mditation sur les mondes possibles signifie le refus de toute forme de rconciliation entre violence et non-violence. Pour cette raison, si on trouvait un formalisme adquat, parfait qui justifie, explique lexistence des mondes possibles, alors quelques-uns des problmes spcifiques aux diffrentes formes dexistence pourraient tre compris. Mieux, un tel formalisme serait la preuve du pragmatisme dans les conditions o, par lintermdiaire de celui-ci, on peut raliser le passage dun monde possible un autre. Mais le problme de ce formalisme rside dans la dcouverte des axiomes existentiels, dans lexpression des prmisses qui se trouvent la base de la possibilit des mondes pareils et dans des tentatives continues dtablir les corrlations existant dans ces formes ontologiques de manifestation. Dans ces conditions, toute approche ou exprience en vue de trouver au moins un monde possible dune part, et ses lois de lautre, suppose un certain risque, parce quelle peut porter linvolution. Malgr cela, les menaces doivent tre cultives prcisment pour consigner dans lhistoire le sacrifice de ceux qui croient un monde meilleur, et pourquoi pas, la prdestination. L'excs de sacrifice enthousiasme ceux qui dsirent le non-tre. Dailleurs, personne ne doit tre tonn par le fait que le dcouragement est une forme cache de ce manque de pouvoir. 78

Le simple constat de limpuissance suppose vendre quelque chose de son propre tre. Et quest-ce quon pourrait mieux vendre que ce qui vaut plus que la vie et lternit ensemble ? La rponse est : lamour. Un impratif catgorique simpose : vendre lamour, le racheter aprs, et le dposer de nouveau dans sa propre me par un sourire plein de vie et par une motion profonde, charge de passion. Incontestablement, ceux impliqus dans ce processus de vente achat doivent assumer des risques, survenus dune morale non-conformiste. Et cependant, les acteurs impliqus dans cette transaction profitable sont toujours sduits, captivs par ce jeu de lamour. Cest un amour ptrifi, interdit, plein de dangers que peu ont le courage dembrasser, daccepter, de vivre. Toutefois, investir tout dans lamour ne suppose seulement accepter la batitude et le paroxysme du dlire, mais aussi prendre en compte la faillite affective concrtise par le suicide motionnel (un acte prsent, dailleurs, au moment de la sparation de quelquun quon aime). Comment lamour interdit pourrait-il tre compris, comment les diffrentes formes de lamour pourraient-elles tre acceptes lorsque la mfiance hante en pleine libert et chaque instant la raison et les motions ? Dans ce cas-l, la mfiance nat de lincomprhension. On peut constater des situations affectives sous laspect des significations attribues par des formes spcifiques damour mme dans le cas o le traditionalisme ne fonctionne plus. Ainsi, du point de vue logique, lide quon peut aimer diffremment avec la mme intensit ne peut tre comprise que sil y a le courage de lindividualisation motionnelle. Autrement dit, lincertitude en amour suppose un danger, savoir celui dinterprter (dailleurs, la raison se rend coupable dimmixtion dans tout processus affectif) tout tat vcu par un processus de quantification. Celui qui est aim admet de la part de celui qui aime la quantification. En dautres mots, en amour il y a des stratgies de communication issues de lgosme subjectif de ltre. Quest-ce quon dsire le plus ? tre aim 100% ! Et comment aimer absolument ltre ? Comment aimer 100% ? Comment exprimer ses vcus par ce pourcentage se rapportant aux diffrentes formes damour ? Accepter cette stratgie daimer signifierait aimer dune autre faon que les autres, vcu motionnel qui relve un formalisme logico mathmatique totalement diffrent de celui de la normalit. Dautre part, embrasser simultanment plusieurs formes damour et essayer daimer 100% toujours simultanment suppose une construction artificielle dont la structure se trouverait sur des sables mouvants. Lexistence de plusieurs formes damour illustre aussi la manire dont on prodigue les vcus, la manire dans laquelle apparaissent des pourcentages insatisfaisants. Pour cette raison, on a besoin dun autre impratif catgorique : renoncer une forme damour pour une autre, et cela toujours, au nom de lamour. Mais lequel ? Cette attitude reflte des possibilits de manifestation de lesprit qui traverse simultanment lagonie et lextase, tout un processus de transformation de ce qui est dans une forme possible 79

dexistence. la base de ce monde reposent les expriences subjectives de lexistence qui acquirent des sens multiples de manifestation. De la sorte, la symbolique axiologique des comportements, propre aux subjectivits impliques dans cette mtamorphose, est amplifie prcisment par leur consensus, situation qui entrane un tat deuphorie de lesprit en gnral. Le monde de lesprit renvoie une mancipation dun certain type de ressentiment. Le glissement dans ce monde encourage le soupon et la frustration, et son vitement ne peut se faire que par des manifestations paranoaques. Mais cette perspective, si elle arrive persuader, suggre un raisonnement logique. Il est normal que tout se droule de la sorte, parce que la ralit se soumet tantt la correspondance, tantt la cohrence. Les deux critres deviennent complmentaires justement pour souligner, semble-t-il, la ncessit des degrs de vrit dans cette dimension. Cest comme si lon savourait le silence de lme dans un monde tourment, en dcadence. Interprter la subtilit de la dcadence signifie ignorer la superficialit. Cette chose suppose la tentative dobtenir la perfection par limperfection. En dautres mots, toute comprhension plus profonde de la ralit acquiert des connotations qui renvoient linflexibilit et au mcontentement. Ces caractristiques reprsentent des strotypes dune analyse rigoureuse de la part de ltre. Mais lincertitude noffre plus de la comprhension, mais de la diffrence dans les perspectives, cest-dire seulement une tentative de comprendre la ralit. Mais comment comprendre la ralit quand on reste profondment dgot par la misre que ltre humain verse, comment peut-on ne pas tre profondment du par la bue de l'ivresse que celle-ci exhale ? Une nause infinie envahit toute personne qui russit conscientiser la cupidit. Des tres famliques et dsireux de sexprimer par apathie et ennui existentiel. Deux choses sont visibles : l'intrusion de lhomme parmi les gens et les discussions animales de lhomme avec soi-mme. En fin de compte, lhpital, la foi et le cimetire reprsentent des lieux o ceux-ci se retirent pour un repos bienvenu aprs un temps qui sest croul plus vite que lon ne pensait. Pour cette raison peut-tre chacun dsire, un moment donn, un autre monde, peut-tre, pour cette mme raison, lexistence des mondes possibles est justifie, peut-tre, pour cette raison, les uns veulent autre chose. Ceux qui se complaisent dans la rptition des erreurs ne peuvent tre reconnus dans lhistoire que par lattitude malicieuse dont ils font preuve aux moments o linstinct animal ressurgit. Autrement dit, ceux-ci pourraient tre nomms, juste titre, les redoublants de lexistence. Cependant, ceux-ci parviennent rcuprer assez vite lhandicap, arrivant tout court simposer devant ceux qui, autrefois, les ont condamns lexistence. Mais, quoi quils fassent, ils sont soumis la fatalit. Implique dans la manifestation de lesprit, lexistence, en tant que trait particulier de ltre, se relve comme ayant des rapports divers avec la non-existence, laquelle, dhabitude, on attribue 80

un conventionnalisme prdestin. La tentative de rechercher la ralit par le rapport tre non-tre a la base des prmisses qui illustrent une certaine variabilit individuelle. Rapporte la volont, lintentionnalit reprsente le principe qui correspond au dsir de survivre. Ainsi, au moment o lexistence est convertie en non-existence, elle devient vidente pour toute forme de manifestation de lesprit. Par cela on rvle un perspectivisme inluctable destin justifier la recrudescence de la rsignation. Pourtant, tout ce qui tient une possibilit, un dsir fou de survivre, acquiert un aspect inextricable. En consquence, la vnalit de lternit devient inexpugnable, donnant naissance au regret. Parle un moribond de rsignation et ensuite regarde-le, observe ses ractions, et pourquoi pas, demande-lui une opinion l-dessus. En mme temps discute avec lui pendant ses derniers instants de vie sur le succs et lambition. Le regret que celui-ci exprime ce moment-l ne relve quoubli et bouleversement. De cette faon, tout type de morale est rduit des simulacres de son propre tre et les messages apocalyptiques dcouragent les attitudes. Mieux, les horizons de lternit relvent la potentialit subjective qui dtermine lapprhension du mystre. Lambigut de la possibilit comporte des expriences de la continuit et loubli ineffable se rgnre par des rflexions incommensurables de lesprit. De la sorte, la force de la rsignation est ressentie dans la conscience spirituelle de ltre, celle qui, en change, a le courage daimer, indiffrent la brutalit que lindiffrence de ceux qui vivent dans un autre monde jette sur lui. Tout ne se rduit plus maintenant qu un amour ptrifi.

AMOUR PTRIFI
Un silence qui mest cher me dtermine supporter lamour en face de lautre. Un charme subtile offre de lamour infini lautre. Fleur de printemps, toile lumineuse qui tombera bientt, je taime en silence en vivant ton soupir. Je tadore dans notre immortalit dans laquelle les frissons se laissent dcouvrir par lautre. Mon amour, tu mouvres des chemins qui disparatront bientt dans le vertige de lternit. Pour cela, je prfre la sincrit de ton image, je prfre le sacrifice goste, jaccepte la lumire de la mort laquelle tu donnes naissance. Jattends linstant de demain Jattends linstant de lavenir, jattends que sa beaut arrive plus vite pour nous rencontrer et pour nous regarder dans les yeux avec un courage qui na pas besoin dexplications ni de justifications. Je mapproche de toi, de ton me. Je vois une image qui provoque un frmissement profond mon tre. Japerois une beaut dans lme et dans tout ce qui existe en elle. Je marche vers lautre, jarrive auprs de moi et je sens la froideur qui domine ltre, je sens comment la chaleur de 81

lme devient moins chaude, se transformant graduellement dans quelque chose de froid, agrable quand mme. Lme ptrifie na plus le pouvoir de ressortir, de se rjouir, de rire. Elle pleure lintrieur, elle pleure parce que son amour envers les autres ne peut plus tre exprim et compris. Lme ptrifie aime, mais na plus le pouvoir de le montrer. Lme regarde par les yeux de la statue, do une goutte de souffrance vient perler. Cest la larme du regret, de limpossibilit. Ltre se ptrifie progressivement lui aussi et le pidestal se construit lui mme justement cause de limpuissance de laction. La statue commence pleurer de joie, mais de tristesse aussi. La joie signifie accepter le regret. La tristesse est ncessaire parce quelle peut tre loigne par la joie. Une (inter)dpendance ncessairement logique o la spiritualit est situe au rang de la vertu. La statue est puissante, elle rsiste aux vicissitudes, mais elle nest plus elle-mme. Cest la statue qui vit travers lespoir, un espoir vain qui permet une lutte entre la vie et la mort, entre la statue et lautre. La statue pleure - un tat affectif qui lapproche de lautre, qui mne la dception par la mfiance. Leffondrement de lespoir demande la condamnation mort des fleurs qui ont rjouit une fois ltre entier. Limage pleine despoir de la mort ne doit effrayer personne, mais doit apporter de la joie, beaucoup de joie, une joie du regret, de la rsignation, de la dcadence. La statue ne va pas rsister longtemps, elle sparpillera, le vent de loubli la dispersera sur limpuissance des autres. Son image disparatra comme tout disparat dans linfinie dimension du silence. Pour cela, la statue sourit mprisante en regardant vers lavenir, aux souvenirs qui viendront. Par ces souvenirs labsence apporte un sourire discret qui peut tre observ chez celle qui a t une fois une statue, un sourire o sentrevoit peine la souffrance compose damour, daccomplissement, de mpris. La souffrance illumine la pense, la rend plus lucide. Dans cette lucidit, tout a un but, tout prend un sens : lappel du rve, limmersion en lui, suppose, en fait, sa destruction. Par lesprance, le rve, pour se concrtiser, doit tre construit, puis dtruit avec la plus relle cruaut. Au fond, personne ne rsistera jamais la dcadence de la sincrit. Malgr tous les efforts pour rsister la dcadence de la sincrit, personne ne peut y arriver. Lessai ne russira quintoxiquer son propre tre avec une morale irrationnelle. Cette mtaphysique de lillusion acquiert laspect dune rminiscence nostalgique. Le seul essai par lequel on peut sauver quand mme ltre est la dcadence de laquelle on prend conscience par le rve. Du rve nat une ralit; du rve une ralit devient souvenir. Le refuge dans le souvenir approfondit lillusion. Toutes les penses se lancent avec acharnement vers ses propres motions. De cette manire, lisolement contribue la construction dun monde o lautosuggestion accapare lesprit dchu. Lobdience de laltrit modle par exprience la douleur, langoisse, la rsignation. Le dchirement du dsespoir dveloppe silencieusement des remords et des anxits qui donnent des satisfactions au profane. Pour cette raison, la sacralit a besoin de souffrance. Le succs de la souffrance dans la morale 82

sexplique justement par lexistence de lirrationnel au niveau de la conscience. Le scepticisme et la mfiance dterminent que la sagesse soit indiffrente envers toute forme de provocation. Quelle est incitante et pouvantable la provocation ! Combien dadrnaline et de peur scoulent de la manifestation de la provocation ! Un tat euphorique par lequel lme inquite prie pour la survivance. La simplicit de la prire touffe justement ce qui a besoin de dlivrance : ltre. Par subtilit, ltre refuse la vie en annulant la gnrosit de la cration. En plus, les simulacres de lhistoire finissent par un refuge dans le nihilisme. De cette manire, une illusion avoue ou non devient lpouvante de toute forme de lexistence. Un refuge lamentable paralyse les motions de ltre, et une trange inquitude renvoie une froide souffrance de lme. La certitude quil nest pas possible quun destin saccomplisse signifie, au fond, une dcouverte, mais aussi une illusion. Lamour absolu est un miracle qui dpend beaucoup des subjectivits impliques. Le mystre que celles-ci affichent ne fait quapprofondir la signification de lacte de laccomplissement. Un saut sans regret touche une absence fragile qui valse sur le rythme de lamour. Seulement un geste, par lequel on exprime le pouvoir dun baiser, relve le fait que tout peut se transformer, que tout devient autre. Avec un baiser le temps suspend le malheur et allume le tourment de la souffrance. Des insinuassions provocantes apparaissent des dsirs passionns exaltant lamour. La sensibilit et la mfiance dterminent les pouvoirs de la rsignation se dchaner sur ceux qui saiment. De cette manire, les ailes de la rsignation enveloppe ltre sous le prtexte de la protection face aux turbulents tats affectifs. Lancrage dans la rsignation reprsente une forme dauthenticit de ltre. Paralys par une certaine contradiction ontologique, ltre nexclut pas ltonnement et la dception. Il sagit dune infatigable justification de lamour envers celui de lenvironnement et mme dune attitude qui doit tre dpasse. Au fond, lattitude est celle qui compte plus que lessai dharmoniser lintelligence avec les degrs de comprhension spcifiques lunivers. Cependant, les innombrables matrices de la possibilit confinent la personnalit de la nature mme. Les souvenirs nostalgiques viennent ignorer dune certaine manire le fait que tout amour accompli sest consum au nom dun sacrifice. Le mcanisme de lamour ne peut tre compris quau moment o lintrt pour le miracle est veill. Pour cela, la simplicit dans ce processus se transforme dans une hyper complexit spirituelle destine assurer la rvlation mlodieuse de lamour. Suffoqu par lincomprhension de ceux de lentourage, lamour cre des perspectives qui visent la rgnration de tout tat affectif. De cette manire, le caractre indissociable de la relation entre lamour et la haine relve un paradigme signifiant dans le processus de (re) / (d) construction de la ralit affective. Si cette ralit nest pas entretenue par ceux qui sont impliqus dans lacte de lamour, alors le drame des mes est invitable. Graduellement cette religiosit se dtriore et devient banalit. Des 83

motions intenses, vcues mais pas avoues, suppriment la vitalit de lamour en scroulant dans lindiffrence et la mdiocrit. Laisance avec laquelle lamour se dtruit suppose une dcadence incurable qui prdit lindestructibilit de la rsignation. En reniant lamour cause de lamour, en repoussant lamour cause de la peur de risquer, cause dune peur inexplicable daller plus loin, ltre se rvolte. cette rvolte manque quand mme, paradoxalement, le courage de continuer la lutte. Si dans lamour on essaie le paroxysme, alors sa puret est hante par des souvenirs dsagrables et par des dceptions effrayantes. Il est affreux de conscientiser que les souvenirs nous aident seulement au moment o le dsespoir relve une forme sauvage damour. Lhumiliation trahit une ralit dprimante o un instant de solennit domine les mes ptrifies. De cette manire, la merveilleuse pense de la dcadence pratique le chantage sur sa propre existence. Petit petit, laspect pre de lincertitude relve sa propre impuissance daccepter lgosme. Perdre lamour cause de lamour ! Les dceptions ouvrent des chemins qui mnent vers des ironies et des folies qui substituent leur tour une pratique affective. Par leurs structures, les dceptions, quelquefois intempestives, contiennent de lamertume, de la souffrance, de lagonie, de labandon. Cet inachvement supprime la garantie du dlire. Et cependant, on tombe dans le dlire par lannulation du dsir. Tant les souvenirs que les dceptions raccourcissent la vie par des penses dangereuses et par des prjugs torturants. En consquence, les maladies de ltre transposent dans lobscurit les plus purs sentiments en les contaminant avec mfiance. Les cris daide dclanchent une avalanche dincomprhensions et des carences au niveau de la communication motionnelle. Lamour saccomplit dans loubli; il nat et reste profond mme dans lternit. Tout silence exprime le fait que lamour nexiste quau moment o ceux impliqus dans cette motion dsirent de tout cur aimer. Une vanit cache dans une forme quelconque de puissance de lme montre la peur dinterprter. Une peur infinie fortifie la conviction que lamour peut tre le rsultat dune passion stupide qui a cependant la prtention de dcrire une certaine ralit. Ce qui sauve pourtant cette contrevrit et lamour mme. Cette motion rpte, comme supplment et comme refuge devant la mort, ne fait quentretenir le risque de nous compromettre par la peur. La provocation compromet le courage et lhypocrisie de la certitude suppose lexacerbation de la mlancolie. Les limites dans lamour stimulent toujours les sacrifices, mais aussi lintrt manifest inconsciemment. Une perspective dans laquelle est vident le glissement dans la tentation, dans un monde en dcadence. Le monde de la dcadence suppose une mancipation maniaque qui trahit les prjugs existants au niveau de la pense. La dimension comprhensive de la pense supporte des 84

transformations gntiques par des thorisations et des interprtations naves. Les fautes de lexistence ne mnent quau dgot, au drame, aux errances navrantes. Lincertitude dchire toute trace de rationalit en donnant naissance la plus rassurante forme de nihilisme. Toute trace de suspicion mne au vertige, la dception, une danse en face de la mort. Un dsespoir sublime hante la pense dsireuse de lucidit. Labus dinconscience devient efficient dans les conditions o lamour rsout le problme du dsir. La profondeur dans lamour a un aspect pragmatique si les larmes naissent en essayant de connatre le bonheur. Un frmissement puissant confirme le gaspillage dmotions, le dsir de vice, mais aussi la petite goutte de dlire qui mne la rvlation, lextase. Lamour, comme expression de la fin, rsulte dune illumination unique. De cette manire, la vie vcue par indiffrence devient merveilleuse et la rationalit en cours de transformation est troublante. Ltre commence devenir rfractaire tout acte ralis contre soi-mme. Par une attitude dindiffrence, la vie devient douce. Il existe la conviction dans la possibilit dadoucir nimporte quelle fureur instable venue de la part de ceux qui ont limpression quils sont des dieux. Le fait de faire preuve dindiffrence (par laction et non par la non - action) ne suppose que de la dignit. De cette faon, ltre peut analyser sa propre condition existentielle. Lexubrance de sa nature est accompagne par une dernire mobilit. Graduellement, tout mouvement cesse, son lieu tant pris par limmobilit. Toutefois, une certaine dynamique reste lintrieur comme une preuve de la capacit dempcher lapparition de lternit. Nonobstant, les forces du monde extrieur contraignent la libert de ltre qui dsire la vie par dignit. Les habitudes et lautomatisme des volonts externes mnent une tyrannie qui dborde sur ltre, situation qui provoque cependant dgot, mfiance (des deux parties), implication passive. Lintriorisation, lenfermement en soimme dterminent une sensibilit contagieuse qui peut tre transmise autour de soi. Par ici, on ouvre des perspectives, des nouvelles images apparaissent, peut-tre les mentalits changent aussi et ltat desprit pourrait tre diffrent. La statue commence rver, commence dchoir, commence conscientiser quelle est simultanment un tre et une statue, commence se rappeler dun amour interdit

RALIT
Rve tre, rve, rve si tu dsires lillusion ! Rve si tu dsires le succs ! Rve si tu dsires rver ! Linstant de la sparation est arriv dans notre monde, et ce moment les penses se 85

transformeront dans les souvenirs dautrefois. Mais quest-ce que signifie rver ? Il signifie voir l'exaltation de la pense, il signifie entrer soi-mme dans la danse de limmobilit. Le rve et la danse forment la pense et sa puret transforme empiriquement notre modalit de vivre dans cet univers. La danse de lunivers exprime toujours une ralit. Aux hommes celle-ci illumine et raffermit lesprit. En consquence, tout moment de lexistence la danse et le chant sont omniprsentes par lintermdiaire de la divinit : la danse du genre humain et le chant de lunivers. On doit savoir seulement trouver le rythme spcifique la divinit. La danse de lunivers saccomplit par le chant de la Cration et lAMOUR se sent dans laction de la divinit. On peut dire seulement : les nuages, le ciel, les toiles, ltre en soi - mme passent et la divinit reste. galement restent le mot, lme, la vie. On ne peut pas schapper la pense et pour cette raison elle reste pour toujours un ami vritable dans la COMMUNICATION. Les tats intrieurs transposent le dsir de lme de se rvler en donnant naissance en consquence un systme axiologique. Celui-ci, son tour, transpose en plan gnosologique des images destines relever le pouvoir de cet univers. De cette manire, limmortalit et lomniprsence expriment les conceptions de vie et de mort. De mme celles-ci expriment les ides de mort et de vie. Tout cela se voit fort bien dans les fleurs. Les fleurs sont singulires par ce quelles sont et ce quelles expriment. Si on se proccupe delles, leur vie sera plus longue et plus belle. Les gens pareillement, sils sont arross de temps en temps avec des ides, avec de lexprience et de lamour, alors leur mode spcifique de vie relvera la sagesse. De cette manire, le processus entier de la communication donne naissance lespoir de vivre et de COMMUNIQUER. Mais la communication exprime des tats ontologiques dmesurs et les dimensions symboliques spcifiques ces vcus dvoilent lintentionnalit de sa propre conscience. Celle-ci, son tour, senfonce dans la lumire et lobscurit du commencement. De cette faon, la nuit tombe sur le jour de lesprance, et le sommeil se fait une place dans lme. Lloquence proclame la vertu et la cognoscibilit de la ralit spare la dlicatesse divine du mal volontaire. En change, la nature humaine tale une insolence royale devant la rsignation. Mais elle oublie que les rois ont aussi leurs rois. Quelle lutte et quel acharnement exprime la nature humaine devant la rsignation ! La rsignation est une philosophie qui travaille par la voix de lirrationnel. Pour cette raison peut-tre lexigence de la nature humaine ne veut pas accepter la nuance mtaphysique du sens commun. Une fois singularise, lide devient autre chose et le monde possible relve, de fait, des mondes possibles. Cette transformation expose un chec du conceptualisme. Slever au niveau conceptuel suppose une persvrance de lide dtre ce quon nest pas. 86

Lexprience ontologique relve une image qui renvoie la rsignation. Par consquent, la multitude de perspectives improvises par la raison porte la nantisation de toute forme dexistence. Un scepticisme exagr devient coupable de la vulgarisation de lide d'admettre la vie comme forme de manifestation spcifique : la fois diffuse et antrieure lternit. Lacuit de cette image trouve son explication dans linsuccs de la vie. La consolation ne reprsente une rcompense quau moment o les larmes de lme nont plus de valeur. La vie est un douloureux prlude ! Des images hostiles de la consolation se joignent la rverie. Par consquent, la ralit sduite par la joie des subjectivits existentielles qui prennent part lacte de lamour assimile en soi des gestes qui dvoilent des tmoignages troublants, mais aussi des ambiguts accablantes nes des interprtations outrancires de la rationalit. Toutes naissent des inhibitions spontanes par lesquelles lamour interdit devient pur et profond. Dans ces conditions les expressions symboliques se transposent dans une quation o les inconnus ont besoin dinterprtations mtaphoriques. Cette communion s'affaiblit seulement si un certain paramtre de cette quation devient rcalcitrant en sopposant une analyse rigoureuse. Lamputation des sentiments trahit un trait particulier du temps. Sa chanson relve cependant quelques tressautements de la raison. Malgr cela, l o deux mes saiment il existe le dsir et celui-ci blouit et exalte ltre par une attitude contextuelle qui illustre des sentiments bienfaisants, profonds, vridiques. Le charme par lequel le dsir dvoile les sentiments, provoque une joie spirituelle mais aussi une rverie agrable. La puret dun tel amour profond ne vieillira jamais. Contre un amour interdit on exprime lopinion de ceux qui ne comprennent pas la contextualit et, caractriss par logorrhe contagieuse, entament des discussions mprisables. Dautres qui comprennent seulement ce quils dsirent comprendre, prfrent admettre que lamour interdit est un sujet tabou. Dans cette situation, assaillis par lagitation de laltrit, ceux qui saiment doivent seulement tre convaincus quil existe un monde o l'harmonie et la tolrance reprsentent des critres qui ont une valeur affective. Toute incomprhension de laltrit se concrtise seulement par automatisme car lamour profond apparat, dune part, dans un monde trop paresseux pour comprendre les vrais sentiments, et, dautre part, dans un espace trop troit pour que celui-ci puisse atteindre laccomplissement absolu. Le temps de lamour de ceux qui tombent amoureux est un temps qui exige des caresses, du rve, de la volupt, du sacrifice, de la rsignation. Lengagement de ceux qui saiment est vident vers une stratgie affective de type purile, de manire assurer la certitude par lintermdiaire de laquelle les subjectivits impliques dans ce processus, ne contestent pas lamour. 87

Assumer une telle stratgie en vue de clarifier les sentiments daprs un certain modle a comme but datteindre labsolu. Mais cette dmarche vers la comprhension du mcanisme de lamour est ralentie justement par les limites jusquo les tats affectifs peuvent tre apports et comprises en gnral. La forme pour expliquer cette situation rduit significativement la comprhension de cet amour interdit, de cet amour vritable et profond de la part de laltrit. De cette manire, les sentiments s'intgrent dans une ralit temporelle o lphmre limine la rigidit de lapprhension. Cette peur imprcise rsulte de lapostasie, de la subjectivit. La sacralit ne compte plus autant quon jouit de bonheur sans que celui-ci soit conscientis. Au contraire, la conscientisation de labsolu suppose rationalisation, scepticisme, particularisation, amours qui ne saccomplissent jamais. Malgr tout cela, dans les deux situations les sentiments transmis se transforment et restent profonds pour toujours. Un sentiment, une fois n, ne peut plus tre chass que par la tentative de loublier. Il est dissimul lintrieur de ltre et surgit la surface au moment o il est provoqu par le souvenir. Le dramatisation du souvenir amplifie la souffrance de ltre. Cette prdestination reprsente la garantie qu tout moment la lumire de la rsignation provoque des vertiges et des dcadences. Les modalits dexpression tablies sur le principe de la survivance relve le fait que les lgislations deviennent comprhensibles quelques fois par des explications apparemment ingnues. Comprendre lordre dans les termes dun langage comprhensible suppose une faon daborder et de rvaluer les rsultats offerts par lintermdiaire de lexprience. Pour cette raison, les interprtations de la ralit dterminent des formes discursives diverses pour prsenter la contextualit. Les mmes idologies qui font l'loge de lambition plaident pour des solutions par lesquelles la communication des ides nest pas toujours comprise. Invitablement, lapplication des ides et des thories les plus intrpides au niveau de lexistence dtermine la restriction de la libert dexpression et en mme temps engage des conflits entre les valeurs. Dans ce cadre alternatif, lambition se diffrencie de limpuissance, le courage de la peur et la dcadence de lenvol. Le dnominateur commun de toutes les interprtations relatives ltre est justement la tendance de la pense adopter une certaine attitude envers ce qui est interdit. Les syncopes de la pense rsident dans ce qui concerne le choix. L'option dans toute action reprsente un aspect subtil de la libert dexpression. En dautres mots, la perspective sur la ralit met galement en vidence des images dfavorables apparues la suite de lapplication au niveau existentiel dune mthode moins inspire danalyse interprtation. Dans ce contexte, les dcisions subjectives se fondent en grande partie sur la spontanit. Le perfectionnisme affich interdit toute limitation dans la manifestation de lesprit. 88

Ladhsion une idologie stimule lillusion en offrant en mme mesure une image sur lintgrit. La ralit releve et rvle convertit cette intgrit dans un systme de valeurs. Davantage, cette image est dtermine par une caractristique en quelque sorte stigmatise par des prjugs. De cette faon, dvaste par les effets de leur mise en pratique, lexprience justifie incontestablement toute forme de manifestation de la vulgarit. Par consquent, les fantasmes frustrants constituent des preuves premptoires contamines par linnocence et lignorance. De tout cela, on observe que chaque fois quil existe un doute, il existe galement la certitude dun changement. Toute thorisation se concrtise par la tentative de secouer le systme avec le risque mme de crer plutt du chaos que de lordre. La chute en dsutude de quelques mentalits, le changement en gnral, offense la capacit de comprendre la ralit. Pour cette raison, du dsir de fournir le plus darguments possibles en faveur de, respectivement contre, la subjectivit perd de sa propre vitalit, en devenant plus sensible envers toute action dans laquelle elle est implique. Cette idiosyncrasie, la dterminera recourir quelques subterfuges par lintermdiaire desquels puisse saccomplir lextinction des actions qui ont comme but le changement des mentalits, autrement dit, des transformations majeurs au niveau du systme en gnral. Quoique imprcise, une telle image suggre une attitude persuasive. Ainsi, il y a trs peu de faits pour rendre les sens vridiques de largumentation. Dailleurs, il y a des sens qui sont moins importants relatifs la dmarche interprtative argumentative dans le cadre du systme. Un monde soumis toujours au devenir ne fait quentrer en contradiction avec soi et avec ses propres aspirations. Dailleurs, le libertinage de lesprit produit de lanxit et de la colre, de la dignit et de laffectivit. Lesprit survit par la subtilit justement parce quil produit des rapports dopposition. Lachvement se mtamorphose dans des images symboliques qui semblent donner des significations favorables et qui se dispersent dans une existence simple. La variabilit des prfrences constitue un cadre danalyse qui met en vidence une modalit lgante de lesprit de survie. Les modelages symboliques qui en rsultent, permettent la cration du possible en fonction de certaines stratgies dinterprtation. Malgr tout, les consquences difficiles de cette approche expriment le fait que la diffusion de quelques nouvelles thories peut mener la marginalisation et lironie. De cette manire, en sous-estimant la libert dexpression, elle na plus aucune valeur. Lindolence de lubiquit douce impose aux vcus ladulation. La piti, leuphorie, lapathie suggrent que loubli mlodieux suppose limmuabilit de la concidence autonome. La thorie de lmulation implique utopie balsamique, mouvante, suave, mesurable. Les sentiments axiomatiques ne dnaturent pas (loubli inhrent immobilise lamour) la noble intensit, la rflexion 89

imposante, les habitudes dcentes de lagressivit du temps. Lintensit meurtrire, la banalit incertaine romance lexactitude des anomalies imposes. La nature des vcus motionnels reflte lamour vif en stimulant la vnration. L'exil du soupon transmet de lexigence par le refus de lobjectivit finale. La criminelle nullit dveloppe de lapathie et de limmondicit agaante. La danse de lternit valorise la vraie russite tout en montrant lharmonie.

COMMENT NAT UN FAUCON ?

Comment nat un faucon ? De la dcadence des autres. Quand une ide apparat expose sans la moindre argumentation alors elle est regarde avec rticence par les autres. Celle-ci est oblige de rsister lincomprhension. Comme elle devrait obligatoirement rendre compte pour le vcu quelle transmet. Dans un endroit plein de couleur qui na aucune couleur, tout est blanc gristre, tout est comme un ciel o les soucis disparaissent, chacun pleure et se pleure en faisant appel une nostalgie errante, mais aussi lide du destin. La puissante voix de lme exprime le rythme incessant du doux frisson de la mort. Un sourire discret sentrevoit sur le visage serein de la rsignation. On ne peut pas savoir que son ironie a donn naissance un amour cach o la souffrance sest manifeste par le silence. Lme attriste a gnr une censure de la part des sentiments. Une rencontre suppose un plan et un destin. Nayant pas le pouvoir de conqurir le bleu dmesur de linfini, tes yeux se dirigeront vers lcho de mon me. Et pourtant qui est ma muse ? Le silence diffus du temps qui continue se dilater, mais sans le dire quelquun, me rpond que ma muse est la vie. Un dernier regard, un dernier soupir, un dernier rle de la part de lhistoire, mais de lamour aussi. Les sparations douloureuses mnent vers une ivresse cause par la saveur du venin. Lme pleure, mais sans sextrioriser par des larmes. Et pourtant elle a encore le pouvoir et le courage de rver lespoir. La beaut du vol masque le pril de la chute. Le sourire de la rsignation ne doit avoir des prtentions de personne. Pour cette raison, dans son vol le faucon se repose prs dun ami vritable (autrefois il ne croyait pas en amiti), prs de la statue qui vit un rve. Son rve est de sen sparer de lendroit o elle avait t fixe et partir le plus loin possible, auprs de son meilleur ami, le faucon. Joindre la rsignation lambition et les offrir comme un dernier espoir pour ceux autour de soi, ceux quon aime, ceux qui te dtestent, ceux qui taiment ! Quelle banalit dans cet essai ! Quel pouvoir dans cette russite ! Quelle lucidit dans ce compromis ! Quelle contradiction dans toute forme dexpression ! 90

Le faucon baise la statue, la statue reoit le baiser avec un autre baiser. Le baiser nat des larmes de lamour. Cest un baiser entre linfini et linfini. Toute sparation renvoie des larmes, toute sparation renvoie une me qui pleure, une me pleurant de nostalgie, de passion. Pourquoi lme pleure-t-elle ? Parce quelle aime. Un geste fait plus quun dsir, mais le dsir est celui qui donne une impulsion au geste. Un geste plein de passion o on voit un vol plein de nostalgie, un rve audacieux, un amour doux, un vol damoureux. En sirotant du nectar de lamour au nom du mme amour, les amoureux dansent sur une mlodie merveilleuse. Et cependant, cest une danse devant la mort ! Cest une danse magique o llixir de la jeunesse vibre parmi les vcus passionns. Le germe de la passion montre que lamour te force de ne plus tre toi-mme. Le germe de la passion transforme le dsir en amour. Les instants se transforment progressivement et tout ce qui semblait jusqu ce moment plein de vie devient inerte, dchu dans loubli. Le sourire est celui qui substitue le pass. Le sourire est celui qui rgnre linstant damour, un instant unique, significatif. Lambition et la rsignation nes dun amour profond reprsentent deux dimensions qui forment ensemble un mode paradoxal dtre, en continuant deux points de repre mis, semble-t-il, avec lintention de se complter lun lautre. Lexprience semble pourtant accentuer cette situation, qui pourrait tre nomme, avec tmrit, hasard. Malgr cela, entre thoriser et dcouvrir le monde se situe une provocation contextuelle o des contradictions axiologiques rgnrent la normalit. Par la normalit, une aventure inoubliable est assure, une idylle entre la laideur et la beaut. Dune part, la laideur apporte de lintrigue en accentuant lhabitude. Shabituer avec la laideur se justifie exactement par limpossibilit de tracer les limites entre valeur et non-valeur. Cependant, certains critres axiologiques viennent dune certaine manire justifier par le consensus une possible dmarcation entre les diverses formes de reprsentations. Dautre part, la beaut se transpose par des formes spcifiques damour qui expriment un processus continu de changement rel de ce qui existe dj. Toute analyse systmatique dun amour qui ne peut pas tre compris engage un comportement qui ne trouve pas sa justification lextrieur. La comprhension ne peut se concrtiser que si le symbole auquel celle-ci fait rfrence est compris. Or, le symbole ne peut tre reconnu, accept et compris que dans le milieu o il est destin saffirmer. Autrement dit, toute une dmarche initiatique prcde la comprhension dun symbole, aprs quoi tout un processus de familiarisation spirituelle avec celui-ci a lieu. Un exemple concluant dans ce sens est constitu par le courage daimer et de le reconnatre. En utilisant tout un alphabet de symboles, les subjectivits impliques dans lamour risquent leur propre existence. De plus, en tablissant et concrtisant une communication affective profonde, 91

celles-ci risquent de se rsigner. Mais la rsignation peut reprsenter aussi un gain si le transfert rciproque de sentiments se ralise par indiffrence et sans tenir compte de la rationalit discursive des autres, rationalit dirige, dailleurs, comme une critique vers ceux qui saiment, mais aussi comme une forme dincomprhension et de non-acceptation de la situation en cause. Est-ce que le courage daimer suppose un pch si grand quil a besoin de confession ? Une attitude incompatible est celle de rduire la confession le pch dont lamour se fait coupable. Les mes ne sont jamais plus sincres quau moment o elles se confessent et vivent lamour profond. Le ciel ne peut pas scrouler sur ceux qui ont le courage daimer, le paradis ne peut pas rejeter lamour sincre et la divinit (quelle quelle soit) ne peut pas refuser la rmission de ceux qui saiment. Pourquoi ? Parce quil y a des moments o presque personne ne croit plus en lamour. Dans un monde o seulement quelques uns croient en lamour, il ne reste plus qu chercher un roi et une reine qui ramnent lidentit du plus profond sentiment. Par lintermdiaire des vcus puissants, le sentiment de lamour peut tre provoqu avec une facilit dbordante. Le mystre de cette provocation commence par des jeux de langage, par des gestes naturels ou artificiels, par des dsirs plus ou moins cachs, par le dsir de libert, mais aussi par un gosme qui nest pas conscientis pour le moment. Tout cela relve une architectonique entire dun processus naturel. Linfluence qui peuvent exercer les vcus subjectifs sur ceux qui sont impliqus dans le processus motionnel ne fait quaugmenter leur degr de justification devant ceux qui ne comprennent pas la contextualit. Ceux-ci rejettent tout mais sans se rendre compte que limparfaite folie exagre quils prouvent mne leur propre fin. De plus, ceux qui ne comprennent pas la contextualit condamnent tout par des discussions dgotantes, ceux-ci se dirigent vers une forme impure de suicide, le monde o ils vivent se dgradant lui aussi tout moment. Malgr cela, ceux qui se lancent dans des discussions dgotantes et des intrigues infinies ont part dimpuret morale de la part de ceux qui saiment. Lamour se trouve-t-il aussi sous le signe de la prdestination ? Le sentiment profond peut-il tre provoqu et contrl ? Linstant qui nat na plus le droit la piti, car sa naissance sest accomplie au nom de lamour Sans connatre la piti et en ne tenant compte que du dsir de senvoler, dtre le plus haut possible, le faucon, avec sa force remarquable, sent que tout moment peut tre situ sous le signe de la prdestination. Pour cette raison, fortement motiv par la russite, il risque et accepte la provocation. Donner naissance un destin par la prdestination suppose un risque, celui de la dcadence. 92

Un faucon nat de bonnes intentions, mais aussi dune certaine ambigut des sentiments. Lamour ne peut tre en fait compris que comme un instant o lquilibre devient dsquilibre et lrotisme cach quelque part dans le sous conscient refoule par des explications pragmatiques. Linpuisable source de moralit vicie reprsente la normalit en amour. Et, pourtant, sil tait autre, lexcs de rationalit ne dpendrait finalement que du vcu subjectif. Une quantit pas du tout ngligeable de spontanit se ferait coupable de ce qui prendra naissance dans lavenir, voire, un amour interdit. La prdominance des sentiments inconscients fournit avant tout la preuve de limportance non signifiante qui recevrait la rationalit dans lacte de lamour. Mais comme de lamour apparaissent des destins, la manifestation de certaines formes de moralit nexcuse pas en aucune faon la rputation plus ou moins convenable de ceux qui dsirent voir le monde de haut, de quelque endroit que ce soit. Le dsir dtre le plus haut possible dtermine une force extraordinaire, destine, dune part, assurer la mfiance, la dignit, le succs, et dautre part, garantir la vanit, lerreur, le vice. La rsignation devient attractive autant que larrogance ne russit pas imposer son autorit. De cette manire, la souffrance qui rsulte dune mditation sur la rsignation assure le silence et la consolation. Par la manifestation de laffectivit sont illustres des ralits apparemment inconsquentes qui se font coupables du fait quelles gnrent des interprtations complexes. Ainsi, les secrets de tout sentiment profond peuvent tre dcods par le caprice et linsolence. Mais quelquefois, par lintermdiaire de lexprience la rsignation mne la confusion affective. Pour cette raison, toute forme de rsignation doit tre vnre du moment o elle apparat au niveau existentiel. Des connotations mtaphoriques permettent la subjectivit dafficher une rceptivit spontane devant la rsignation. Dans cette situation, lattitude dtermine une raction complexe qui produit un certain niveau de ralit des structures rationnelles affectives. Pareillement la rsignation a un rle important pour tablir quelques repres existentiels. Il sagit dun pragmatisme qui ne dpend non seulement de la (re) (d) construction de la ralit, mais aussi de la modalit par laquelle celle-ci est interprte. Mais cette interprtation dpend dune forme dimaginaire qui renvoie une nouvelle modalit de comprhension conceptuelle de la ralit contextuelle. Cette attitude est significative surtout en ce qui concerne la spcificit des limites dans les modes de penser. Le degr de comprhension ne justifie pas d'ailleurs la naissance de la subjectivit. Justement parce quelle vit dans une dimension morale, la subjectivit dsire le contrle sur lexistence. Toutefois, la libert dont elle dispose nest pas absolue, parce que tout le temps ce quon appelle destin peut illustrer une certaine possibilit dauto organisation. Autrement 93

dit, lindpendance est quelquefois moins efficace que la dpendance. Lanalyse de cette problmatique met en vidence du point de vue de la comprhension, un passage de la logique lillogique. Ce passage se ralise au moment o les interprtations lies la naissance de la subjectivit expriment, de fait, beaucoup plus quune identit. La diversit des formes de lidentit attribues la subjectivit est rvlatrice pour lexistence dans les conditions o les paradigmes deviennent utiles par rapport certains critres. En soulignant cela, lide de la naissance dune subjectivit renvoie au relativisme, cest-dire une nouvelle modalit de comprhension conceptuelle dune ralit linguistique. Pour cette raison, les images qui rsultent la suite de ce scnario supposent accepter de nouveaux sens de lidentit. En vitant une certaine ambigut smantique, une confusion conceptuelle indsirable (identit personnelle, identit des mondes possibles, identit linguistique), les raisons pour lesquelles la subjectivit essaie de comprendre la naissance, sont le plus souvent contradictoires, et quelquefois mme illogiques. Comment nat un faucon ? De sa propre dcadence aussi. Comment vit un faucon ? Par sa propre dcadence. On na mme pas besoin de pntrer dans lme de ltre pour constater la profondeur des vcus, des sentiments. Par la dcadence toute forme dexistence est sduite. La principale forme de la sduction rside dans le fait que lamour a besoin dimpulsivit, de sacrifice, de rve, dillusion, de vcus profonds.

COMMENT MEURT UN FAUCON ?

Comment meurt un faucon ? En tombant dans labme du regret. Mais le regret est une forme de la dcadence o les vcus subjectifs samplifient. Il senvole dans le ciel, au-dessus dun abme, au-dessus dune mer qui se trouve quelque part plus haut que labme, au-dessus de ses victimes, au-dessus de tout ce qui lui donne la libert dtre. Dailleurs, il nest pas moins vrai que la libert absolue doit se rapporter un conformisme incommensurable o le dchanement de la volont ne soit pas arrt. Le faucon senvole, regarde et senvole. Une lgre fatigue apparat dans son tre, mais qui peut tre carte par le dsir de senvoler sans relche. Son agilit le rend inbranlable, car sa vitesse varie en proportion directe avec lambition ne de la volont dtre. Une obstination qui cache une douleur. Cest une douleur quil supporte avec stocisme, mais qui peut tre dpasse. Dans son vol, le faucon regarde le pass, en direction des instants qui ont disparu, vers ce qui a t

94

autrefois. Son voyage simultan dans le prsent et dans le pass donne la garantie de lexistence du futur qui disparatra tout de suite lui aussi dans ce qui a t autrefois Le pass revient graduellement dans les yeux du faucon : le souvenir de sa naissance, la joie des vols, leuphorie des luttes dautrefois, la beaut de lenvol vers les hauteurs, le got doux de la victoire Le faucon senvole, senvole, senvole, son regard traversant les alentours, les lointains Les souvenirs du pass passent avec une vitesse tourdissante, en calmant la douleur et en encourageant en mme temps ltre, en donnant de lespoir et du soulagement, mais aussi de la rsignation Le faucon commence pleurer en souriant au monde qui se montre. Il traverse lespace en laissant par-dessus larc-en-ciel qui monte et qui descend dans linfini. Dans son vol, il coute lappel du dsespoir venu laccueillir sous la forme dun chant suave. Seulement un instant vole encore, un dernier essai et soudainement son vol prend la forme dun croulement invitable. Dans son croulement le faucon crie et son cri cache une motion. Cette motion apporte dans le silence de lespace un cho de la rsignation o on peroit une prire de pardon. Cest une forme simple daccepter le non-tre, le passage involontaire ou non, dans un monde possible, car lcroulement na pas besoin dexplications et de prtextes. De plus, la dcadence ne doit pas avoir des prtentions aux excuses de limpuissance. Une mer sombre scoule vers les ailes du faucon, une mer sombre qui portera le bleu gristre sur la rose des matins merveilleux qui ont accompagn autrefois les secrtes immortalits de ltre. La rationalit contagieuse dtermine un loignement de lesprit qui fait preuve dune affabilit inexplicable. Le scintillement de lironie dans lhorizon sombre essaie monopoliser linfini de la pense vagabonde. Porte par le vent, lombre de lamour devient illusion quand laccomplissement devient printemps. Croire en amour, signifie valider la beaut du sourire, accepter le susurrement des chuchotements, goter la douceur de lironie des autres. Leur faute aux autres se transforme en pardon et limmortalit du faucon est garantie seulement pour un instant. Il sagit dun rve qui suit lapaisement. Aimer et dorloter tout ce qui est dlicat, fragile Au printemps tout renat, et rien nest plus beau que les cristaux blancs qui commencent seffondre dans le bleu gristre de linfini. La lumire inonde lme du faucon en attirant la mort par la souffrance, la dception et la rsignation. Lme du faucon sest dtache, en srigeant graduellement, se dirigeant vers les hauteurs grisantes, en senvolant et en contemplant labme, la mer, les fleurs qui flottent de manire chaotique, en criant Un faucon a disparu ! . tourdie par lindiffrence de labme, lombre du faucon a besoin dun dernier embrassement. Ainsi, au-del de tout, il est possible de se retrouver certainement par un 95

embrassement. Il est exactement comme on prendrait dans ses bras pour la premire fois une autre partie de son propre tre, une partie qui complte le doux baiser de lternit. De plus, lloignement amne avec soi une nostalgie puissante, un grand rve mais aussi une disparition perdue dans labme. Une me brise pleure, regrette la joie dun vol dautrefois. Une me brise rit parce quelle sait que le vol lui a offert de laccomplissement. Le sentiment de sa propre destruction nexprime que dsespoir et trouble, mais aussi un retrait de ltre en soi. La sublimation de lamour illustre le pouvoir miraculeux par lequel lternit simpose devant lexistence. Pour cette raison, une danse simpose, un dernier geste devant la mort. La danse en face de la mort se concrtise dans une forme immuable. Il sagit dune exprience travers laquelle la sublimation de lamour illustre le pouvoir de lternit. Lamour profond est rductible la folie, lharmonie, la rsignation. Malgr tout cela, lamour profond reste, avec toute son imperfection, plus proche de la profondeur des sentiments spcifiques pour ceux qui saiment que de la rsignation des autres. travers la rsignation lamour profond ne spuise pas, mais devient significatif. Conu comme une modalit authentique de lexprience subjective, lamour profond se transpose en possibilits en crant des univers multiples. Le trouble des mes enveloppes en amour tend sans cesse vers lintimit et influence chaque moment le mode dont la ralit est perue. Mais la ralit se dvoile par des expriences subjectives ses univers alternatifs, ses mondes possibles. Dans ces dimensions existentielles la subjectivit se manifeste par des formes diffrentes damour, formes qui se transposent de multiples niveaux de comprhension. Bien que co-substantiel, lamour profond saccomplit dans des dimensions spatio-temporelles affectives o lide dartificialit ne peut tre conue. Connatre des formes diffrentes damour ne suppose rien dautre que vivre dangereusement (le magntisme en amour ne peut tre censur) mais aussi dterminer ceux autour de soi extrioriser des ractions violentes en face de lamour. Malgr tout cela, au nom de lamour profond, dune part, toutes les subjectivits prennent part une forme de libation par laquelle toute motion profonde devient ubiquiste. Dautre part, la lacration dun amour pour faire quun autre survive ne reprsente quun spectacle grotesque par lequel la subjectivit se trahit. Rpondre lamour avec fanatisme reprsente un geste qui na plus besoin daucune explication. La caractristique interne de la possibilit est dtermine de la condition gnrique mme dont dpend la rsignation. Lindiffrence du sens que la rsignation relve renvoie une rponse gnralise, coupable en quelque sorte derreur logique sur laquelle se fonde la continuit. Au-del de la comprhension, la discontinuit des solutions produit au niveau existentiel la diffrence. En mme temps, la complmentarit est profondment implique dans tout ce processus de 96

rgnration. Or, justement par une perception pareille les subjectivits se constituent comme thse et antithse, des entits qui communiquent par lintermdiaire de la complmentarit. Dun instant lautre la vie est diffrente et, pour cette raison, la ralit, pour tre comprise, a besoin du mot-symbole. Mais lexistence des divers critres peut justifier la vrit ou la fausset dune thorie ? Par des interprtations on construit des ralits, mais des ralits qui ne se rapportent pas aux mmes critres par lintermdiaire desquels lexistence soit justifie . Le mot symbole ne dcrit pas la ralit, mais lui donne le pouvoir de se relever par lintermdiaire de certaines dimensions explicatives. Tout un processus contagieux dvoile, des interprtations alternatives de la ralit. La multiplication des prtextes conduit une contemplation de laction. De cette manire, son exercice dans le sublime reprsente une rminiscence de limpuissance. La vraie noblesse de lesprit dvore la sensibilit irrductible de la pense. Ainsi, le temps empirique des subjectivits introduit la ncessite de la problmatisation. En plus, la gense des solutions que celle-ci offre, fournit aux subjectivits une logique du possible. lintrieur de ltre lintensit des sentiments exprime le dsir. De cette manire, ceux-ci, par tout un processus de simultanit, expriment des rapports diffrentiels. Chaque subjectivit aime diffremment, mais aussi fortement. La rciprocit rsulte de lexistence des rapports diffrentiels entre les subjectivits impliques dans ce processus. Sans doute que le pouvoir des sentiments met en vidence le rle de la signification au niveau de la comprhension. Dans ce cas, le rve et limagination fournissent et conditionnent la proche ralit. Tout peut changer et tout peut se transformer par dguisement. Ainsi, la peur de lamour absolu se substitue la peur de lternit. Mais les deux craintes se subordonnent lidentit par lexprience qui tend vers un seul point : la rsignation. Pourtant, cette perspective met en vidence une loi de la signification qui se manifeste au niveau du possible. En anticipant lamour profond et lternit infinie les destins des subjectivits convergent par la diffrence de leurs propres manifestations existentielles vers des dimensions spatio-temporelles problmatisantes. Il sagit en fait du retour ce qui est connu par intuition, mais qui ne peut tre ni compris ni dcrit. Le faucon sent quil ne sera plus, il sait quen peu de temps il ne sera plus aim qu travers des souvenirs et cela seulement dans des moments qui bientt disparatront de loubli eux aussi car lternit ne pardonne personne, il sait quil aura besoin de la statue, de lamour ; il sait que lamour saccomplit mme par souffrance, souvenirs et oubli aussi. Le faucon scrase. Cest un crasement laconique par lequel on ralise un pont de liaison entre les univers alternatifs. Ceux-ci compris comme des phantasmes de limagination ou comme des vrits possibles se situent dans la ralit mme et pas au del delle. Par un pouvoir mystrieux 97

le faucon se redresse un moment justement pour prendre en ses bras, pour embrasser avec ses ailes la statue pour toujours. Ainsi, lambition nappartient pas du tout au monde de lillusion. Le monde o celle-ci se manifeste, nest pas, en essence, plus irrelle quun autre, aussi plein de possibilit. Leuphorie issue de lambition, les effrois provoqus par la rsignation, lmotion ne du vol et de la dcadence, tout cela suppose la comprhension du plus pur sentiment qui est lamour profond. Quelque part, dans un autre univers les larmes de la statue forment une mer infinie. Si le faucon navait pas exist, la statue naurait pas connu une forme damour, plus profonde que la prcdente. Le chemin vers lternit, gestes lents, errance de soi, confusion desprit, refuge dans la rsignation, amour profond, amour accompli, amour prennant Un faucon a disparu dune hauteur brlante et sest envol dans labme plein de larmes. De quelque part, de linfini on entend les dernires paroles : Jai la nostalgie de ton vol, jai la nostalgie de mon vol, jai la nostalgie de limmortalit ! La vie doit tre chante en silence. Soupirer en silence quand la mort est chante par lamour qui a appartenu au pass. Son appel apporte un regret infini, un dsespoir de la mer, un dernier soupir, un dernier regard, une dernire larme, un dernier amour. Ouvert vers lanxit, cach dans le bouleversement de ltre lamour embrasse le rve. Son clat transforme le paradis dans une nuit o inventer une culpabilisation quivaut au dsir de vivre encore, de sentir encore les derniers instants de vie. Et comment se sent-il le moribond en ce moment ? Quelle pourrait tre sa dernire pense ? Est-ce que le discernement a encore un rle dans ce compromis qui, au fond, veut sauver ltre de sa rsignation. Combien dillusion dans toute cette dmarche. En pourtant, un faucon commence rver, commence rver au bonheur, au silence, lternit, commence dchoir par son vol, commence se rappeler dun amour interdit

CEST CRIT DANS LES TOILES...

Cest crit dans les toiles un destin de lamour. Lamour suppose unit, plaisir, sacrifice, satisfaction, accomplissement. Lamour gnre dualit, nonplaisir, gosme, chec. Lamour est unique par le mode dont il se manifeste. Malgr cela, plus tt ou plus tard, lamour absolu se transforme en amour relatif, ensuite celui-ci disparat en formes invisibles, inaudibles, inexplicables de manifestation. Lamour sans la mort mne lgosme et larrogance. Au fond, cette forme dorgueil exprime une image perverse de la tyrannie du sentiment. Un sentiment nest quune valeur qui se trouve sous le signe de la dcadence. 98

Il est crit dans les toiles que 1 + 0 = une possibilit. Plaindre son amour, le regretter, se rjouir en son nom ; un sacrifice inutile, dailleurs. Les rayons de lamour, ports par le vent, issus de lme du faucon caressent la statue qui danse gracieusement devant la mort. La statue danse sur une mlodie crite dans les toiles ; de l haut vient aussi le faucon, l-haut lui ont t destines limmortalit, le vol et la dcadence ; toujours l-haut a t crite une belle amiti, l-haut on sest imagin les amours de jadis, il est n le sourire du printemps, le doux frisson de la mort, le sourire discret de lternit, la fragilit du non-tre, les touchers tendres de la rsignation. Il est crit dans les toiles un paradis et un enfer. Imagine-toi les promesses du paradis. En mme temps garde avec toi la douceur de lenfer. coute aussi lcho bizarre dun amour teint ; lexubrance tardive gnre des moments de temps o les souvenirs survivent seulement en retrouvant le pass. Pour cette raison, le souci pour la constance trahit des compromis et des prjugs. La frnsie de la subjectivit renvoie une modalit de sinterroger, renvoie lide que tout fou doit traverser un arc-en-ciel. Et cela ne reprsente rien dautre que ltat le plus normal qui puisse afficher la subjectivit au moment de son existence. Il est crit dans les toiles une pense, seulement une, qui renvoie lamour. Mais, lamour suppose de la folie, et la folie remise plus tard. On remet pour plus tard presque tout au nom de lamour, mais pas lamour mme. Seulement un instant et tout devient gaspillage dmotions. Le syndrome de la remise plus tard fonctionne trs bien chez le fou le plus normal. Celui-ci se nourrit avec le mpris de ceux alentour, avec leur moquerie, mais aussi avec la rsignation inconsciente. Rsignation, rsignation, rsignation ! Est-ce possible ? Et cependant un espoir vain se peroit dans la lumire de la rsignation. Des vcus intrieurs puissants saccumulent. Le plus puissant est celui qui dveloppe la peur de celui qui dsire lhuile sacre. On a besoin dhuile sacre, le plus possible. A-t-on besoin aussi despoir ? Coup de foudre ? Une question simple et une rponse dlicate. Il est crit dans les toiles ,,Henisme tas mixanas chenergat metidolo dakos safael. Naka, s akant lucide. tas mecartid sontez. Persavosentloschecalcosventiuno jvoisaga astalapr khergea nigataklfovmniud persasster. Un message transmis par la voix de lirrationnel une subjectivit

UN AMOUR INTERDIT
Un amour interdit cest aimer plus quune me, pleurer et goter la mlancolie de lamour, se dresser vers les hauteurs pour que les mots deviennent des silences significatifs. Btir un chemin 99

en altitude, l o les roses, les tulipes et les lys dcryptent le serment de lamour. tre sur un chemin parsem dtoiles, dguster la lumire de lamour et, entre les toiles et lesprance trouver lamour, mais un amour interdit. Un dernier hommage est apport aux motions, un dernier parcours en face de ceux qui ont renonc au tourment de la vie, un dernier serment enferm dans lternit au nom de lamour interdit. La liqueur ne de lespoir et de la rsignation renvoie aux dpressions qui commmorent les souvenirs dantan, lesquels se sont sacrifis pour ltre Aim. Les angoisses puissantes de lme provoquent un fort dsir, celui de voir le plus vite possible ltre Aim. Les interrogations finissent par des recherches en conscientisant le manque de la personne aime, les moments qui se gaspillent par amour. Une lumire se lve et se couche, ensuite elle se lve de nouveau, et puis elle se couche et ainsi de suite jusquau moment o la beaut des frmissements ns de la passion de ceux qui saiment, mais qui ont peur daimer, devient lespoir dun moment qui surviendra probablement un jour. tre auprs de ltre Aim ! Mais ltre Aim aime-t-il vraiment ltre Aim ? En effet, cette interrogation na pas besoin daucune rponse dans les conditions o lamour est interdit. Choisir rester jusqu la fin auprs de Quelquun quon aime signifie, dune part, ne pas accepter un DESTIN contre lequel on a lutt et on lutte toujours, contre lequel on se rvolte, et, dautre part, accepter un nouveau DESTIN, celui que lon a peine construit et pour lequel on a renonc tout, mais pas ltre Aim, et non celui quon a eu le courage de construire au nom de lamour interdit. Ce quon sent, au fond, nous appartient, se rapporte la subjectivit. Et la subjectivit a le droit de parler ainsi : surgi des contes de fes, jentrevois lamour interdit dont le regard expressif trahit la bont de lme ; japerois lamour interdit devant lequel jprouve de la confusion ; en mme temps je reois le sourire de cet amour interdit, un sourire qui me fait tout le temps sourire. Un baiser envoy lme aime en silence revient avec dautres pour dmontrer en plus (comme si on en avait besoin) quun amour est possible nimporte quand et nimporte o. De cette manire, la joie transmise lme de celui quon aime en silence devient de la fureur mlange la nostalgie. Des errances tourmentes montrent un destin dans lequel tout saccomplit. De plus, lmotion ne de lamour devient extraordinaire quand celle-ci est transmise par les regards de lme. Aimer un rayon de soleil signifie souffrir aussi. Tout amour vcu intensment suppose un feu dvorant qui mne lautodestruction qui se manifeste, dune part, par un processus de combustion interne, et, dautre part, par des sensations de nause surgies la suite de linsolation cause par ce rayon de soleil. De l mme rsulte ltat de souffrance n de lamour. Plus encore, lamour surgi son tour de la haine met en vidence le fait quau fondement du malheur pourrait se trouver une forte passion. 100

Un souvenir glac suppose la magie de lamour. Le temps de lveil enlve lamour lobsession. La lucidit, la raison dlient une volupt sauvage dont le regard est conduit vers le corps qui exprime sa personnalit par des convulsions ; finalement, dans un instant suspendu, lamour interdit devient tragique, et surtout se consomme en obsessions. Jaime, tu aimes, nous aimons, tant dexplications pour une motion qui parfois nest mme pas partage. La magie de cette motion heurte fortement les portes de sa propre me. Elle veut semparer de toute pense secrte, en extirper lamour et la haine, la beaut et la laideur. Ltre Aim attire comme un aimant lme dj hante par le charme de lamour interdit. Seulement au moment o les motions sont rciproques la douce souffrance et lamour amer se concrtisent dans des satisfactions de lme. Aimer et tre aim avec la mme intensit ! Mais qui a le pouvoir de mesurer ces choses ? Comment peut-on valuer la puret dun tel amour ? Celui-ci est un prtexte parfait. Un amour interdit se dvoile tout autour et ceux qui saiment commencent pleurer et se dire tout ce quils ont se dire : La statue : Tu sais, jai eu la nostalgie de quelquun Aim ! Le faucon : Tu sais, jai eu la nostalgie de quelquun Aim ! La statue : Par o a err ton esprit vagabond ? Le faucon : Par ci, par l, dans le pass, dans le prsent et dans le futur. La statue : Et pourtant, tu nes jamais fatigu ? Bien que tu voies beaucoup de choses, tu me parais assez triste. Je voudrais voir au moins un sourire sur ton visage ; et de cette manire je peux me rendre compte si celle-ci sourit ou rve quelque chose dagrable. Le faucon : Je veux moi aussi voir un sourire chez toi. Je le veux parce que tu sais parfaitement que les sentiments profonds existent entre toi et moi. Ma tristesse se voit dans ton regard. La statue : Les sentiments sont les mmes, mais les circonstances sont diffrentes. Le faucon : Toute exprience dionysiaque est interdite, toute motion ... Mais je veux te dire que je veux sourire, je veux te dire que je taime plus que tu timagines, je veux tre ici, auprs de toi, je veux te sourire. La statue : Un sourire peut signifier beaucoup pour celui qui le reoit, mais plus encore pour celui qui le transmet. Le faucon : Cest vrai ! Cest pour cela que jai fait tout ce qui est possible pour descendre vers toi, auprs de quelquun que jaime qui signifie tant pour moi, venir den haut, de l o le monde se voit diffremment. Je suis venu temmener avec moi, pour nous enfuir, pour tre ensemble. Je suis venu pour que nous puissions sourire et pour te voir sourire. Je suis venu pour sourire ensemble lespoir, lavenir. Je sais que les faits, mme sils peuvent reprsenter des erreurs, sont pour moi, au fond, des leons de vie ... Moi, je veux apprendre ... 101

La statue : Et moi, je dsire la mme chose et tu le sais trs bien. Je veux avoir auprs de moi quelquun que jaime pour le reste de ma vie. Je voudrais menvoler avec toi et sentir tes ailes protectrices, sentir ton courage parce que le mien a disparu depuis longtemps, risquer purement et simplement. Le faucon : Et alors ? Voil, je commence te baiser ds maintenant, taider descendre de ton pidestal, temporter loin de ce monde ! Laisse-moi tembrasser ! La statue : Pourquoi ? Crois-tu que tes ailes peuvent embrasser, peuvent protger, peuvent affranchir la duret de mon me ? Est-ce que ton embrassement va me rendre la joie ? Et aussi le bonheur ? Est-ce que tu veux membrasser et emporter avec toi en haut, dans ton monde, la souffrance ne de limpuissance ? Je crois que mon amour se perdrait dans le vent, et je ne supporterais pas de prendre part ce cortge Reste, ne te prcipite pas ! Je voudrais te dire que moi aussi je pense toi, Quelquun que Jaime, mme si je sais que le chagrin et le regret vont envahir ton me dans quelques instants. Tu sais bien que chaque baiser que tu me donnes et chaque essai que tu fais pour mloigner de ce monde augmentera mon mal. Avec chaque baiser que tu moffres et qui vient de ton me, lamour devient profond et se consume. Toi aussi, tu commences rgresser, tu commences gaspiller ta force intrieure. Ma faon dtre signifierait un poids trop accablant pour toi, un poids dont je me demande comment tu vas le porter. Mon destin est ici pour le moment. Le tien est celui dtre toujours en haut. Le mme destin triste regarde vers la souffrance, vers limpuissance, vers le nant Le faucon : Tu es trop raisonnable La statue : Tu gaspilles trop aisment les motions . Le faucon : Alors, je ne dis plus rien, je ne vais pas te montrer combien je taime ; je vais me taire, mais je vais rester auprs de toi. La statue : Comment a te taire ? Pourquoi ne me rponds-tu pas ? Est-ce que je tai fch de telle manire que je ne mrite aucune parole ? Maintenant je ne sais plus quoi dire et je ne peux pas mexpliquer pourquoi jai la nostalgie de toi tout le temps. Pourquoi veux-tu rester ici, auprs de moi ? Mais ton destin est autre, ce nest pas celui-ci, tu ne dois pas rester ici. Ta vie consiste voler, survivre, lutter et triompher continuellement, tre en haut tout le temps ; toi, mme quand tu descends, tu es toujours en haut. Tes russites sappellent tes succs. Jose dire que dans ta vie on voit quelque chose de spcial, parce que toi-mme tu es spcial. Le faucon : Ce que tu me dis est-ce une faon dcarter lamour par lamour ? La statue : Tu as transperc mon me quoique je naccepte pas la chaleur. Tu mas ouvert les yeux et tu mas aveugl avec ton amour. Je commence sentir mon tre 102

Le faucon : La chaleur a toujours t dans ton me. Et tes yeux sont en effet les yeux de ton me. Ce qui se passe avec nous maintenant se rapporte ce qui est autour de nous. On tient les yeux ferms parce quon ne veut pas accepter la ralit, on refuse de les ouvrir compltement. Et, de cette manire, quand on les ouvre soudainement, cette ralit nous aveugle. ce moment on sent la mfiance. Je crois quon doit savoir ouvrir les yeux et, de mme, on doit savoir quand on doit les fermer. Lme a besoin daltrit, mais quelquefois de soi-mme. Limportant est de savoir rapporter lamour tout ce qui est autour de soi et mme en assumant un risque : le risque de te perdre ; quand on vole, on risque ; quand on aime, on fait partie dun vaste abme, en se soumettant des vcus spciaux ; tout ce que tu sens en ce moment reoit une valeur motionnelle. La statue : Je ne mexplique pas pourquoi je sens une telle chose. Tout est tellement confus et je me demande pourquoi. Et, de plus, bien que tu sois prs de moi, jai la nostalgie de toi, de ltre Aim. Je ne dsire pas du tout que tu partes, je dsire seulement que tu restes auprs de moi pour toujours, mais je sens, je sens que tu as un avenir, que tu as au moins un vol faire, tu as encore au moins une vie vivre. Je sais, je me contredis maintenant, mais est-ce que je conscientise lamour ? Le faucon : Oui, jai au moins une vie vivre, mais prs de quelquun que jaime, prs de toi. Mon amour pour toi relve une complicit motionnelle. On ne doit que tmoigner quon aime et alors rien nest plus confus dans un tel vcu. La statue : Mais, cest confus Pourquoi tmoigner si cela ne vaut pas la peine? Les choses restent presque invariables Le faucon : De tes yeux on voit une perspective, des miens une autre, mais dans notre rve, une ralit prend naissance. Tu me fais croire au fatalisme et la rsignation. Mes paroles se transforment petit petit en silence et je me tais, mais je vis prs de toi. La statue : Pourquoi se taire ? Pourquoi vivre sans sexprimer ? Si tu sens le besoin de texprimer, ne tarrte pas. Chez moi, la situation est diffrente. Pour cette raison je naccepte pas le tmoignage dun tel vcu. Mais on va plus loin au nom de lamour Le faucon : Oui, au nom dun amour interdit Je taime et je sais que tu maimes. Pourquoi trouves-tu si difficile de prononcer ces mots ? Tu aimes beaucoup tous les gens qui sont autour de toi, mais tu ne veux tattacher personne; tu aimes la vie que tu chantes en chuchotant et pourtant tu nas pas de vie que si je suis prs de toi ; nous avons un sort partager. Quest-ce que tu en penses ? Lamour est le mme pour tous ? Lamour est diffrent ? Si elle a des formes, alors, la pluralit envoie-t-elle laccomplissement, labsolu ou, au contraire, au relativisme ? La statue : Mais quelle est ton opinion ? Toutes ces discussions concernant ce sujet ont un sens ? Je sais seulement une chose, que je pense ltre Aim et je ne sais pas si cest bien. Ce sont des 103

vcus confus, mais beaux en mme temps. Et noublie pas : on doit sapproprier le relativisme parce que le ralisme est invitable. Le faucon : Ce que tu me dis parat manqu de sens. Il est possible que tu aies raison. Malgr tout, chez moi la confusion sest transforme en certitude. Cest un seul instant. La statue : Seulement un instant ? Jai compris alors, pourquoi ne me crois-tu pas quand je te dis que ce sont des vcus confus ? Le faucon : Je crois que chacun aime diffremment, mais lmotion est la mme, et cette motion na besoin que dun instant pour devenir ignorance. La statue : Il ny a aucun motif pour cette ignorance. Et cependant, cest ce que chacun mrite, de lignorance. Le faucon : Lamour aussi mrite de lignorance et il doit tre appel, cri, implor. Et moi je viendrai nimporte quand avec celui-ci vers toi. La statue : Si tu venais, tu saurais que mes penses ncoutent plus la raison, mais lme. Ma raison devient un vcu puissant. Le faucon : Senfuir dici, dans un endroit loign, tre seulement nous deux ! Nous avons besoin lun de lautre, jai besoin de toi, tu as besoin de moi ! La statue : Tout ce que tu viens de dire est admirable Je me sens divinement bien! Tu dois savoir que jaime continuer rver. Il est si beau ! Je voudrais quon aille dans un endroit loign, parce que jai un rve accomplir, nous avons ensemble le mme rve. Tout ce que je sais est que jai besoin de vivre ce rve avec toi ; et, en plus, je sais que tu sens la mme chose. Je veux sentir ta caresse et navoir pas peur du vent, des pluies, de la neige, de la tristesse, de la solitude Au dbut je ne pouvais pas regarder vers toi, vers tes yeux ; chaque fois que tu me visitais, tu venais den haut, de trs haut, et moi jtais avec lme ptrifie, et tous ceux qui passaient prs de moi en prenaient une partie ; tous ceux qui avaient besoin de rsignation. Mme le vent prenait quelque chose de mon tre. Je sais que tu es mon beau rve qui ma donn lamour, un rve qui ma donn le vol et la chute, qui ma offert un amour non-dit, mais tmoign. Le faucon : Le pass est revenu parmi nous. Il est trs difficile de faire une distinction entre la ralit o je vis et une autre ralit. Je vis intensment au moins deux fois, jai peur de voler encore parce que ma chute taffecterait, jai peur de croire que je puisse aimer si intensment, jai peur de cette crainte. Je suis tomb dans labme du dsespoir, mais jaime et je ne regrette rien. La statue : Mais les temps viendront o tu ne pourras plus rester ici ; tu as besoin dune autre vie. Je sais que notre amour est seulement le ntre et que personne ne pourra lempcher.

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Le faucon : Je tai dit que je ne regrette rien de ce que je fais ; je prfre rester ici, vivre et revivre prs de toi notre amour, lamour interdit. propos. Jai fait un beau rve ton sujet hier soir, tu tais pleine de vie. La statue : Suspendue dans tes griffes, je regarde au loin, vers la douce sduction des horizons infinis. Et cependant, maintenant je nai plus peur parce que linfini sera vcu dans un seul instant. Il sagit dune nouvelle forme de connaissance de laquelle fait partie lesprance. Perdue dans cette connaissance illimit je sais que je sentirai la souffrance estomp par la flamme brlante du dsir de ne plus exister, mais dtre. Le faucon : Le dsir envoie dj limage et limaginaire. Or, limage devient souvenir quand le souvenir acquiert une image. Limaginaire suppose un autre monde, un monde qui repose sur une forme de ralit spcifique lunivers. La statue : coute un peu lunivers. coute comment lunivers chante : Tu es mon amour ! ; lunivers chante une consolation, un bonheur Oui, une consolation, un bonheur, une rsignation Je sais que la mort du faucon est aussi ma mort Le faucon : Je sais que le silence de la statue est aussi mon ternit. Quelque part dans le temps (sil y en a) et dans lespace (si on peut le percevoir) on entend une voix, on entend un chant qui rappelle lamour interdit entre une statue et un faucon. Mais qui tait la statue ? Et qui tait le faucon ? Est-ce que par hasard la statue tait le faucon, et le faucon tait la statue ? ventuellement les mots, les vcus taient ceux de lautre ? Dans ce cas, lamour sest accompli par tmoignage et sest dissip par ternit. Les autres rponses sont absurdes, mais labsurde fait partie de lexistence. Un cri damour, un chant damour, un silence significatif, rien de ceux-ci ne doit tre compris, mais uniquement vcu. Sur le visage de lamour commence se voir un pli, une pense trange traverse lhorizon de lattente. Les mots importants peuvent-ils sexprimer par le silence ? Dans les souvenirs nat une ide : par plaisirs et comprhensions on admet que la vie a un nouveau sens ou que manque dun non-sens.

QUAND ON PERD QUELQUUN QUON AIME

Quand on perd quelquun quon aime un essai timide de cacher lamour interdit apparat. Une faute stupide ! Dans lintimit de ltre rgne le gnie de lamour qui ne doit pas du tout limiter 105

la libert dexpression des sentiments. Au contraire, lamour avou dtermine une dynamique des plus profonds vcus, en offrant de lautorit aux instants uniques indispensables, en relevant, dailleurs, une diversit infinie de formes existentielles. Quand lamour interdit est profond, lme sextriorise par des vcus. Lamour suppose un rve qui transforme les tats ontologiques de ltre. Quand on perd quelquun quon aime, aucune parole na plus de sens et ceux qui essaient te consoler ne peuvent pas remplacer la vie qui a t ; ainsi, aucun futur proche ne peut te ramener la joie de lamour dautrefois. Les divers langages et explications artificielles qui nont plus de sens essaient de consoler lme qui a aim et aime encore. Les souvenirs donnent naissance un temps quon voudrait se rpter au moins une seule fois ; on voudrait un instant o on reconnaisse (au moins une seule fois) quon a aim et promettre un nouveau dbut. Quand on perd quelquun quon aime tout devient ternit. La modalit par laquelle lamour se dissipe en ternit ne compte plus. Tout prtexte na plus de sens parce que la sparation de la personne aime a provoqu simultanment un suicide motionnel. On peut admettre quil ny a pas de mort l o la vie est annule par lamour. Tout se construit sur une certaine complicit entre ambition et amour. De cette manire, la rsignation se fait sentir aussi. La dure remplace lternit, mais la conversion est aussi valable ; lternit se substitue lternit. En plus, toute dynamique de lamour tend vers la perfection qui est pourtant transcendante au rationnel. Mais cette forme spcifique damour est menace tout moment par une image dun rve bouleversant, cest--dire : lamour perdu cause de lamour. Quand on aime vraiment quelquun on ne veut pas concevoir le pouvoir de la mort. Plus encore, on croit quon peut lutter avec la mort mme. La peur est en soi et on croit quon peut la matriser. Lamour taide et il est le seul qui contribue dpasser une telle crise existentielle, mais cest toujours lui qui te fait souffrir au moment de la sparation de ltre Aim. Perdue dans le silence de la rsignation, la conscience annule la rationalit. En mme temps, la vie signifie la condamnation mort et la mort renvoie au non-tre. Dici mme lide quune me ne peut survivre sans douleur si elle a vcu pour quelque temps prs dune autre me quelle a aim et qui se trouve dj dans un monde diffrent, un monde de la rsignation. Le non-tre provoque de la rsignation et ptrifie ltre. La rsignation, son tour, provoque de la souffrance et la souffrance pour schapper de soi-mme renvoie loubli. Mais aucun dentre eux ne ramne ltre qui autrefois a t prs de soi, ltre Aim, ltre avec lequel jadis on a discut, on a rit, on a pleur et, pourquoi pas, on a discut des contradictions de la vie et de la mort. Mais le pardon, o est-il, quel rle joue-t-il dans tout cela ? Lme, lme est ici et partout, elle est l o elle doit tre, elle existe. 106

Et les autres ? O sont-ils ? Autour je regarde et je rflchis et je ressens la fois de la douleur. En mme temps, les autres essaient de sentir lamour aussi. Mais tout se transforme et devient un instant. Un instant qui a t ! Un instant qui ramnera lesprit un autre instant, mais un instant qui finira quelque part, un moment donn. Les autres sont condamns la souffrance, au pardon, la prire, lespoir, la vie, mais aussi la mort. On regarde celui qui nest plus et les penses totalement terribles courent quelque part, dans le temps qui a t, elles commencent provoquer des larmes, de la souffrance, de la douleur. Les larmes soulagent la souffrance de lme, la souffrance suppose la conscience de la douleur, et la douleur nat des larmes caches dans ltre. Petit petit, au fur et mesure que le passage du temps devient plus profond, plus intense, on commence frmir, on commence crier. Mais qui coute ? La mort exprime la rvlation de la vie, comme la vie exprime le pouvoir brutal de la mort. On ne peut plus parler dhumanisme dans ces moments. Peu de temps aprs, une ple image de la consolation offre le souvenir de jadis. On doit tre humain avec celui qui est humain avec toi, on doit tre aussi humain avec le systme dont on fait partie. Si le systme nest pas capable doffrir de lhumanit et de limmortalit alors il ne reste qu lutter contre lui au nom dun humanisme idaliste et dune immortalit sacre. Dailleurs, cette lutte exprime la condition suprme dadaptation au nouveau mode de vie. Si le monde change ou suniformise, alors on doit avoir aussi en vue quun nouveau type dhumanisme surgit. En mme temps on ne doit pas exclure ni lide de limmortalit de la subjectivit. Autrement dit, on doit accepter lillusion comme forme nouvelle de rsignation. Lillusion renvoie la ralit de lesprit, mais aussi lamour. De cette manire, lessence de lamour doit dpasser la dimension cryptique du manque daudace de le partager. Aimer la vie et en tre jaloux en mme temps. Laimer par normalit et exprimer sa jalousie parce que tout moment elle peut tabandonner pour laltrit. Lamour est une forme de jalousie dcrypte par un vcu affectif spcifique lme. La jalousie est une forme damour cach qui met nu la passion de lme. Le prsent compte et pas le futur ; le futur compte seulement quand on rve, et le prsent aide concrtiser le rve. Or, lamour et la jalousie transposent par (dans) le rve le bouleversement de la pense et de lme. Par (dans) le rve est vite la concrtisation de la douleur. La souffrance alentour ne doit pas tre provoque mais seulement accepte et comprise. La souffrance doit tre seulement vcue, mais pas provoque. Si toutefois elle est provoque, on doit la laisser se manifester jusqu ce quelle steigne. Mais le manque de souffrance reflte une incomprhension de sa propre manifestation mme. Ce qui manque lme ce moment est le non dsespoir. Pour cette raison, dans ce moment la meilleure solution est la rvolte contre lexistence. Dailleurs, un essai banal et dpourvu doriginalit. 107

La sparation de ltre Aim mne une nouvelle attitude. On sent si fortement la nostalgie de ltre Aim que le monde alentour ne compte plus. Le refuge dans les souvenirs dautrefois vient dune certaine manire de consoler lme bouleverse par la douleur. On ne peut pas accepter que linvitable se produise, on ne peut pas accepter que lamour se trouve loin de soi. Un sentiment de rupture bouleverse ltre au moment de la sparation de ltre Aim. Grce limaginaire, la subjectivit se rfugie dans des souvenirs et dans des illusions. Les modifications de la ralit harmonieuse jusqu ce moment-l relve un monde priv de sens, monotone. Son silence dvoile la ncessit de la rsignation. Une certaine instabilit opre au niveau de la ralit respective. Les transformations structurelles de ce qui a t une fois plein de vie montre un autre type de relation avec lunivers. Limpossibilit en tant que forme dcisive de la rsignation intensifie la douleur et lacceptation. En mme temps, limpuissance dtruit toute trace daffectivit qui dsire se manifester au niveau de lexistence. Ce paradoxe souligne la contrainte de la libert de manifestation des lois de la ncessit. Jamais linstant ne vole vers lternit sans les ailes de la rsignation. Il sagit dun quilibre qui demande tre compris secrtement, un mystre rencontr autrefois. Un mystre de lopacit qui transpose la gnialit de celui qui a le courage de se rvolter, de celui qui a le courage de pleurer, de rire, dattendre, de chanter, d essayer dtre fou dans la vision des autres. Cest le temps dune danse, une danse en face du silence, en face de lternit. Une victoire, diraient les uns. Oui, mais une victoire qui cote beaucoup, diraient les autres ! Au fond, qui sen soucierait ? Des instants dattente crient laffliction pour le tourment continu de lme. Quand la pense sloigne, lapologie bientt doit constituer une priorit dans lhistoire qui se construit peine, une histoire, dailleurs, qui sera oublie assez vite. Le charme de la vie steint soudain avec lapparition de la lumire de la mort venue plus tt du dsir de ltre. Cette prire nat dun refoulement gnr par linjustice prsent au moment prcdant le nant. Plus encore, un sacrifice simpose dans un moment pareil, lun qui exprime le courage de la subjectivit. Voil, un courage qui renvoie, diraient les uns, une folie. Oui, cest une folie du concret qui dsire inonder la lucidit de la comprhension par une danse secrte. La danse au-del du regret conduit la rsignation. Ainsi, lincommodit qui nat de lcroulement rduit la ralit linstabilit. En plus, les constructions rationnelles relvent la joie infantile de la certitude. Ainsi, quand lillusion et lesprance se mlent, lacte lev se transforme en spculation. Par consquent, le courage disparat par la naissance et la conscientisation de la frustration et la cration mtaphysique situe labsolu la limite de la diversit. Le charme insoluble de lirrationnel matrise par degr la danse de lesprit. Au-del de la dchance se trouve 108

laccomplissement, la lumire, la rsurrection : laccomplissement de la rsignation, la lumire du regret, la rsurrection de lesprit. La condamnation labandon attire vers soi lappel de la subjectivit gare dans lexistence. Toute forme dexprience devient terrifiante dans les conditions o les aspects obscurs de lexistence acquirent une signification par un effort dobjectivation de la ralit. Lternel problme dune croyance en quelque chose de suprieur renvoie un processus de changement de la pense. De cette manire, la structure mimtique de lexistence mne laltration de linstinct de conservation. Ainsi, le profane devient primordial dans le processus de lexistence et ne peut tre conscientis quen jouant avec un certain degr dindiffrence. Des vcus indiscrets et des penses folles transforment toute forme de spiritualit parce que le rle du supplice est tributaire de limage du dgot. La maladie de ceux qui saiment : le perfectionnisme motionnel. tre parfait dans les motions ! Descendre la raison dans le cur et devenir boulevers par le geste de limprvisible ! La frnsie de la rationalit gnre une force motionnelle qui par ses multiples manifestations exprime des prjugs contagieux. tre parfait dans la faon de raisonner. Des moments superbes, des errances merveilleuses, le temps de ce qui va venir, lamour ! Si la vie doit tre chante en silence, lamour doit se tmoigner par un geste. La beaut de lme se voit dans la puret dun regard. La beaut de lamour se voit-il dans la puret dun geste ? La noblesse de la beaut saccomplit par le courage de la subjectivit de simaginer un rve par lequel tout espoir persiste dans le temps. Mais le rve renvoie des motions qui attendent la concrtisation. Le tout est de savoir ce quon veut et comment vouloir quelque chose de soi-mme premirement et, ensuite de la vie, des autres, de lternit. La blancheur de la lumire devient la rouille de lexistence ; dautres masques deviennent visibles ; aimer avec dtachement celui qui est, le har avec beaucoup damour, des techniques et des rcompenses de la dcadence sentrevoient dans les merveilleuses luttes menes par les pcheurs incurables. La pense dmente demande-t-elle tre dchiffre avec la patience dune personne qui porte en elle un apaisement vritable ? Le dsir de limpertinence nous porte-il au dlire ? Toucher les toiles, tre une toile, sentir le dsir, vouloir la russite, sentir limpuissance et esprer ! Sentir lodeur de fleurs brles par la flamme de lamour ! Se rjouir de lamour profond ! Lerrance dans de telles dimensions spirituelles ne fait que donner naissance une haleine frntique, un dernier souffle. Lhmorragie des phantasmes dlivre le chaos en lui donnant la libert de saffirmer. Lagonie du moribond conduit une marche funbre de lexistence. Cette marche est accompagne dune ivresse o le parfum des tulipes, des roses et des lys domine cette fin vraiment merveilleuse. Le coucher de ce monde met en vidence une perspective conformment laquelle tout est si loin. 109

Quand on perd ltre Aim le vent de loubli stale alentour. Une statue a t, une statue a aim, une statue a prfr la solitude par rsignation. Prs delle dort un amour interdit. Un faucon se repose pour toujours.

DANSER DEVANT LA MORT

Les larmes ne sont pas interdites aux mes attristes. Le chemin vers latemporalit mne vers la porte dau-del o on essaie la reconstruction de lternit. On construit toujours des symboles, on projette toujours des systmes, on se rsigne dans labme de la pseudoscience en prenant toujours contact avec lhypocrisie, le snobisme, la btise. La raison doit laisser place aux motions qui situent la vie dans un endroit honorable. En dansant devant la mort on rit en fait de sa propre ternit, de la conscience de son propre nant. La danse suppose une joie qui envoie en ralit au soulagement de lme ; mais la danse envoie aussi lmotion, la tristesse ; danser devant la mort signifie, au fond, tenter une lutte, une contre attaque devant ce qui ne restera quun souvenir. La vie est juste un instant o les hypostases de ltre montrent le naufrage de lindolence. Les larmes de la mort mnent la rsignation et la tristesse peut cacher un sourire, un sourire de la rsignation. Mais la rsignation suppose un tat affectif, suppose une motion non avoue. Lmotion renvoie la profondeur de lme et laudace renvoie limpossibilit de vivre dans un rel illusoire. De cette faon, la rsignation reprsente la forme finale de lillusion. La dcadence de la sincrit est au fond en chaque tre. La dcadence de la sincrit ne doit mme pas tre conscientise. La dcadence de la sincrit rduit le bonheur un jeu de la dsillusion o les vcus positifs sont prgnants. Dailleurs, les vcus positifs renvoient facilement la souffrance justement parce quils se ralisent dans des accomplissements. Laccomplissement na pas besoin dvolution. La dcadence de la sincrit refuse le jeu de la vie par la promotion du ridicule. Combien de suicids ont renonc la vie dune manire originale ? En fait, cette originalit (du passage vers le nant) quivaut la perspective de ce qui les uns appellent le point de vue pathologique. Ainsi, on peut exprimer trs bien lide quun suicid na pas besoin doriginalit (loriginalit se construit par lexprience de laltrit), il veut seulement passer dans un autre monde, et cela, le plus vite possible. Carrment dans la mesure o il chercherait loriginalit de ce chemin, les uns seraient tents de classer dans le domaine pathologique cette modalit. De cette manire, ce qui porte la dnomination de vie doit se transformer dans un silence plaisant lternit, le cri de celle-ci se faisant connu par lpitaphe et le ncrologue. 110

Lme dcide le dcryptage de sa personnalit par le tmoignage. La mort est le sentiment de la culpabilisation spcifique cette vie. Mais, dans la vie on fait des fautes et, alors, apparat le sentiment merveilleux de la mort ; on veut svader, on veut se sauver, mais on ne russit pas ; et il ne reste qu se rsigner. Plus encore, la rsignation mne finalement la mort, ainsi que, mieux lutter par la mort avec la mort. Au fond, ici il y a un risque et le risque ne doit pas tre accept, mais vcu. La discrtion peut amener de la culpabilit subjective et le got amer est une certitude. Limpuissance dtre au-dessus de sa propre personne signifie, en ralit, le suicide qui attend une concrtisation. La haine conduit au suicide. Mendier le suicide signifie har la commande, une haine issue quelques fois de la peur inhrente qui anticipe la proximit de linstant indsirable et inexplicable. Par lintermdiaire de la rflexion la tension des penses jette dans lobjectivit limpuissance de laltrit et la dignit potentielle de la conscience se transforme en vice. Limmersion dans les ombres de la rflexion donne naissance une image lumineuse de la mort. ce moment, les systmes existentiels sont gouverns par lintermdiaire des rgles qui demandent leur droit limmortalit. De fait, cette perspective augmente la diffrence entre les subjectivits, situation qui donne naissance une conclusion inluctable concernant un monde depuis longtemps disparu. La lutte pour la possibilit du monde consacre ses composantes une perspective froide o llment central est occup par la statue de la mort qui offre des fantasmes fatalistes dans le monde quelle domine. Il y a une statue qui pleure en criant toujours au nom du bonheur la dcadence de la sincrit. Mais son cri devient ridicule par indiffrence, par la non action des lments existentiels, en se transformant, ainsi, dans un rle moribond. Pour cette raison, la statue doit se dtacher du socle de limmortalit, elle doit essayer une danse. Elle doit danser devant la mort. Cest une image qui pourrait effrayer par la faon sinistre dont elle se relverait, mais qui donnerait du courage ceux qui sont sans esprance, parce que leur renoncement dtermine une dcadence de la sincrit de soi-mme. Par le suicide chacun dchoit : on dchoit par la sincrit avec laquelle on accepte cette solution dans le processus de passage dans une ralit possible. Quiconque devient sincre avec soimme et avec les autres par le courage dmontr de passer, dans les moments deffondrement existentiel, dans la lumire de la mort. Et cela comment peut-on mieux le faire ? Par lapport du temps pralable au temps, situation qui quivaut au vcu subjectif du temps dune manire beaucoup plus intense : par le suicide. Dailleurs, la rsignation devant la mort signifie, au fond, toujours une forme de suicide, parce quelle suppose acceptation ; on accepte lide de mourir : or, accepter cette ide signifie tre finalement daccord avec elle (une explication banale sic !). Celleci est seulement une perspective. Pour cette raison, la priorit devrait tre accorde plutt la 111

rsignation et ensuite lternit. Malgr cela, la beaut sauvage de lternit et linsatiable dsir de la rencontrer transforme la musique de la vie en passion dchane. Les formes diffuses de lobscurit couronnes avec les lauriers de la tristesse illustre la force de linstant qui arrivera bientt. Lindiffrence renvoie une image qui demande le droit la concession. Les ombres de la mort dansent sur un rythme spcifique uniquement pour la solitude. Au fond, exclusivement la solitude est la seule proprit quon accepte par la rsignation dans la vie. De plus, le rve non accompli renvoie la dsillusion. Les impuissantes pouvantes de ceux qui mendient la vie se manifestent dans des intervalles de temps limits. Larrogance et lapathie spcifiques ce temps relve un complot de lhistoire disparue, dune histoire qui veut se rgnrer par un baiser glacial de lternit. Les bras de cette histoire accaparent linfinie ouverture de lespace par une danse gracieuse. Cest la mme danse gracieuse de la mme statue, cest la danse de limpuissance devant la mort. Le miracle de cette danse se traduit par la tentative de limmobilit, de devenir plus mobile quelle a t jusquau moment de la sparation. Les dernires penses apportent des images suggestives, des paradigmes morbides dans lesquels ceux qui ne veulent pas comprendre et accepter la ralit se rfugient dans la lchet. Par la danse devant la mort toute forme dexpression est accompagne par la brutalit. La violence de la danse provient en gnral dune puissante suggestion et ceux qui prennent part ce rituel sont pleinement convaincus quils nont qu un devoir moral respecter. Ainsi, un symptme de dcadence inspire de la peur dans ltre. La victoire et linnocence acquirent une valeur par lindiffrence. Si on acceptait toute forme de dcadence, alors la rsignation aurait les traits spcifiques dun sentiment religieux. Il sagit en fait de la construction dun nouveau systme de morale, efficace selon certains, bas explicitement sur une idologie obsolescente. Son aspect provocateur se transforme graduellement en simples opinions primes. Linutilit de nimporte quelle philosophie est cause par labsence de la responsabilit. Lincessante rvolte dsireuse de construire un systme philosophique ne fait que se heurter dans la nullit. Lhistoire de la pense est presque incomprhensible si on ne prend pas en considration les ides destructives des systmes qui se sont affirms un jour dans un certain espace socioculturel. Le courage daffronter la mort, de faire preuve dironie ne reprsente quune folie exagre ncessaire apparue la suite de la conscientisation dune rvlation initiatique. Le monde est compos de significations. Limage dsespre de la rvolte libre les sens de solitude et la tristesse reprsente lenthousiasme du mpris et du nant transcendant. La versatilit des ides reflte lauthenticit du mpris. Laventure de la subjectivit dans son propre rve prend fin quand le besoin de profondeur (par une forme excessive de rationalit) devient fanatique. Les 112

limites de cette image ne font que rduire son propre intrt au non-sens. Ainsi, la subtilit de lpitaphe prsente sur la tombe devant laquelle on danse, montre la prodigalit inutile de ce quon a appel une fois vie. La danse en face de la mort suppose la naissance dune pitaphe o la libert du nihilisme se manifeste par la prodigalit de ltre. De cette faon, le vcu pur nest quune conscience charge ; et la pense provoque des vcus intrieurs intenses. Lobsession vcue intensment annule ltat affectif et la pense cajole lautomne de lme. La beaut du matin se transforme dans une superbe nuit dans laquelle le dsir de ne plus donner satisfaction la vie est ralit la plus supportable. Le tremblement dchirant de la souffrance montre quaucun instant de demain ne sera plus jamais, car mme au printemps tombent les feuilles. Des feuilles tombent sur la tombe frache, et sur les feuilles tombent les larmes de feu de la statue. Le rythme trpidant dtermine un instant qui sera plus tard seulement un souvenir qui renvoie des doux frissons de limmortalit. Parle-t-on dimmortalit ou dternit ?

AUTREMENT
La prodigalit des annes gnre des astres dans les nuits lumineuses. Leurs rayons connaissent le tourment de la subjectivit. Peut-tre, pour cette raison, en certains instants, la rsignation est celle qui dtermine le cours naturel de lexistence. Peut-tre, pour cette raison, lambition est celle qui dcide du destin dune subjectivit. On appelle destins vagues ce quon ne comprend pas ; mais plus vagues sont les moments quon appelle destins. On erre au crpuscule de ce quon aime nommer vie, tre, existence, ternit, non-tre, etc. Sil y a un destin, alors lenthousiasme, lintuition et la bonne humeur supposent une mtaphysique de lexactitude. Sa beaut suppose la libration, mais aussi la dlibration. Mais celles-ci mnent au rve. La vie est un rve trange, un rve qui renvoie lmotion du contact. Lun o le temps sest arrt de rcidiver. Malgr cela, le rve nest pas interdit dans un monde de linnocence o lme appartient la non-action, la statue dchue. Plus encore, le rve ne doit pas faire prisonnier celui qui lui a donn juste naissance, un faucon qui a eu le courage de rver. Lme ptrifie a t un jour une fleur ne de la poussire, de la cendre et des larmes dune statue, lme ptrifie a t un jour une fleur ne du vol, de la chute et des larmes dun faucon. Quelques ptales tombs, parpills sur la tombe rappellent un amour interdit, dautres depuis longtemps fans et qui se dirigent vers la putrfaction rappellent la mmoire prsente le cours normal de la nature.

113

Une fleur est belle quand elle rit ; elle devient spciale quand ses larmes expriment douleur, regret, souffrance, toutes nes de lamour. Quand une fleur pleure cela signifie que son me essaie de rester l o elle est ne. Son me essaie de se rappeler, mais les souvenirs parlent et font mal. Elle a la nostalgie de ce que quelque part, un jour est n : un amour interdit. Elle ressent tellement la nostalgie, elle ne sait pas si un tel amour reviendra jamais. Une pense et un souvenir dfilent en ce moment, la pense de sautodtruire pour toujours, de ne plus sentir le vcu et le souvenir dun amour profond. Et, cependant, sans douleur, sans larmes ce nest pas possible concevoir le souvenir et la beaut; des penses nouvelles, des cendres sentrevoient dans les univers dserts ; lamour tlologique ne peut quaccomplir tout ce quil a commenc un jour, cest--dire un rve. En rve, la mort sourit et on lui rpond avec un sourire. Sa force attire ltre comme un aimant. Entre la pense et lunivers il existe une complicit non avoue. Un regard de glace donne la permission au sommeil ternel denvelopper la vie. Le baiser chaud de la mort exprime une justification du fait que lamour interdit, le premier amour vritable, ne soublie pas. Atteindre le rve signifie croire en Vernichtung. Malgr cela, lesprit ne doit pas tre arrt de sa vivacit. Dans la vie on peut toutefois donner un redmarrage. Mais cela une seule condition : fermer les comptes avec le pass et avec le prsent ; quant au futur cela ne vaut mme pas la peine dy penser (quoiquil dpende de la subjectivit), car tout vient de soi. Il y a quelques pages de temps qui ne finiront jamais dtre feuilletes, parce que tout signifie dans ce moment autre chose. Autre chose suppose quelque chose de spcial. Quelque chose de spcial ? Simpliquer dans la monotonie et se sauver par lennui de lauthenticit des instants compromis. Sil y une conscientisation de la non-action (de ne faire rien de spcial), alors il possible de se trahir soi-mme par la cessation de la volont dexister. Mais le manque doriginalit de cette volont renvoie la rsignation, une dcadence de la sincrit. Le courage dtre sincre, par la navet des multiples formes dexpression, suppose son tour une dcadence, mais une dcadence prdestine et estompe en quelque sorte par lattitude de ltre devant le ridicule. ce moment, chacun se ddit, rejette laltruisme construit artificiellement. En dautres mots, il sagit dun renoncement, dun refus, dune frustration. Par piti pour lautre, mais aussi de peur devant lirralisable, tout est compromis. Heurter le destin et senvoler du gouffre par labme cr partir de la vague de linconnu. Dans ces conditions, la responsabilit renvoie au bouleversement de ltre. Elle veille sur lessence en renvoyant lexistence. Mais, en mme temps, elle relve lexistence par lessence. La virtuosit de lesprit renvoie des tats que certains expliquent scientifiquement en faisant appel de 114

cette manire aux spculations rationnelles. Pourquoi une telle attitude ? Parce que la peur mne au prtexte et le prtexte peut donner naissance aux dsillusions. La ralit est souvent construite des dsillusions et le succs arrive son apoge par les frustrations. La vie devient belle dans les conditions o la contextualit devient problmatique. Lternit est encore plus belle si livresse provoque par la liqueur douce-amre de la vie reste dans les souvenirs de ceux qui ont encore le pouvoir dtre. Mais, au moment o mme ceux-ci deviennent conscients de limpossibilit dtre, alors tout devient nant. Linterrogation obsessionnelle est celle qui renvoie des problmes incomprhensibles. a va ? , une question qui renvoie au langage universel, une interrogation comprise par nimporte qui, une problmatique par laquelle la sacralit de ltre est surprise (certains apprcieraient cette situation comme une exagration comme si je men souciais). Je men fiche ! Les sous-entendus montrent la versatilit du tourment de la rationalit. Autrement rien que quelque chose qui renvoie au sens. Recueillir des sens et des significations de penses obsessionnelles ! Garder secret la tentative daimer rellement, mais lexprimer seulement pour ceux qui aiment ! Linstauration du plus profond sentiment lamour au niveau de lexistence implique une libert dexpression dsinvolte de la subjectivit. La responsabilit de cette subjectivit est conue par rapport au monde dont celle-ci fait partie. La vitalit et la longvit de lamour profond dpendent ainsi de lexercice dune influence magique savoir du degr daffection investi par les subjectivits. Il sagit dune domination, mais aussi dune exploitation rciproque de ceux qui aiment, le but tant celui de manipuler toute forme damour qui pourrait se manifester au niveau existentiel. De plus, lamour profond fascine par la force quil transmet aux subjectivits. En dautres mots, dans le cadre de ce processus affectif une lutte entre deux formes dattitude est visible, toutes les deux nes de lamour : la rsignation et lambition. Un temps perptuel se fonde sur une instance qui renvoie au conflit. Une lutte intrieure dtermine la prsence de lambition. ce moment la subjectivit simpose de dpasser la limite en visualisant limpossible. Ainsi, tout doit tre men jusquau point extrme, jusquau-del mme de celui-ci. Le besoin en soi dtre le plus haut possible suppose aussi autre chose. Une satisfaction qui demande des sacrifices, se concrtise seulement sur cette base, celle du rve. Mais, au-del du fait que le rve assure le voyage vers un monde possible, celui-ci peut voyager son tour vers des univers alternatifs. Le labyrinthe par lequel le rve voyage exprime linquitude et le bouleversement de ltre. Incapable desquisser un geste, celui-ci se rsigne en fin de compte. Cependant, il est encore tent daccepter lexistence. La pense voyageuse se rfugie dans la sauvagerie de limpuissance o toute forme de symbolisme est bloque pour toujours. Une sorte de trou noir de lternit do 115

lesprance ne pourra jamais sortir que par lannulation complte de la force gnre par la rsignation. Une dernire tentative, une multitude de penses, un rve sentrevoit au loin, un rve nat quelque part, l o lavenir peut tre atteint. Cependant une conclusion logique ne peut soutenir chaque fois la validit de la ralit. La sacralit pourrait-elle tre considre comme une exagration de la ralit ? Lunique fluide sacr de ltre et la chastet honnte de celui-ci face au monde promis qui appartient une autre dimension manifeste une audace qui dvalorise la modestie de laltrit. La reprsentation de lambition constitue une dimension qui est gouverne par la possibilit. Pour cette raison, la subjectivit espre pouvoir comprendre la ncessit de la rsignation. Par lambition, la rsignation acquiert un autre sens. Justement par lantinomie entre lambition et la rsignation cette ide se justifie. Par consquent, une telle supposition produit des problmatisations au niveau des reprsentations qui se rapportent des degrs diffrents de comprhension. Ainsi, certaines reprsentations expriment une certaine manire de perception par lintermdiaire de laquelle la problmatisation se subordonne aux justifications par lesquelles la raison mme les gnre. Ces reprsentations constituent des cas particuliers de lexprience subjective par lintermdiaire desquelles lambition se substitue la rsignation et inversement la rsignation se substitue lambition. Il sagit dune comprhension silencieuse destine rsoudre dune faon lgante et subtile le problme des angoisses existentielles. Pourtant, loffense qui apporte le dcouragement de la subjectivit conduit ltouffement et lannihilation de lambition. Justement ici, dans cette situation on observe le rle bnfique par lequel il obtient la rsignation. Celle-ci, par le malice dont elle fait preuve dtermine une intensification des sentiments intrieurs en les obligeant sextrioriser. Or, ce processus a comme consquence le rveil de lambition de ltat de somnolence o elle sest justement rfugie. Une chose est quand mme certaine : lambition et la rsignation se distinguent par la faon dont ils prouvent les subjectivits. Une vraie mulation est visible dans tout ce processus. La force de lambition renvoie la manifestation dune pense obsessive par la force dune loi qui dtermine les diffrentes interprtations de la ralit. Ainsi, se produit un phnomne presque pathologique par lintermdiaire duquel se fonde au niveau existentiel une correspondance de type conventionnel entre le but et lambition. De l rsulte une image symbolique dune ralit possible. Lambition permet une connaissance du monde (quil est dangereux le concept mme de monde !) qui est porteuse de significations. Ainsi, le monde est envahi de relations du type cause effet. Par la rsignation et lambition lexistence fait tout son possible pour se placer dans les dimensions dune comprhension pragmatique. Autrement dit, dans les conditions o la problmatisation relative au rapport subjectivit existence est vidente, le nouveau mode de 116

perception et de reprsentation ne doit pas tre nglig. Dans ce sens, on peut admettre que tout paradigme pragmatique embrass par la subjectivit justifie une certaine perspective de comprendre la ralit et, de mme, peut assurer la garantie du vraisemblable. Ces connexions expriment, au fond, la ncessit de certains critres dligibilit par lintermdiaire desquels pourraient tre soutenues les attitudes et les pratiques discursives spcifiques la subjectivit. Il sagit dun pragmatisme qui ne dpend pas seulement des interprtations donnes la ralit, mais aussi de la modalit dont le paradigme rsult montre son utilit, dune part, et dautre part, du monde possible o la paradigme respective peut se concrtiser. Mais cette perspective soutient une forme dimaginaire qui peut causer une erreur en ce qui concerne lapplicabilit dun paradigme. Ainsi, admettre lexistence des univers alternatifs, des mondes possibles ne signifie quune thorie, respectivement une solution trouvent leur validit dans nimporte quel monde possible, quel quil puisse tre, mais plutt, que la thorie, et la solution peuvent tre admises uniquement dans un seul monde et seulement un, ou mme, aucun (et cela malgr le fait que la thorie, respectivement la solution prouvent leur utilit seulement au niveau de lidalisation, et ici il est vident un rductionnisme qui jouit dun certain succs scientifique du point de vue de linterprtation). La rupture totale de lexistence annule lexistence mme. La conscientisation de ce phnomne naturel exclut la possibilit dtablir un autre mode dtre que celui qui existe dj prsent. Cependant, cette conscientisation suppose autre chose. La plus pure exprience qui reste aprs cette rupture est donne par limpossibilit de comprendre la contingence. Les interprtations sont quand mme celles qui sauvent et consolent dune certaine manire la curiosit et langoisse.

UNE GOUTTEE DE CYANURE EST SUFFISANTE POUR LAMOUR, POUR L AMITI...

Quand la conscience te cherche querelle, il ne te reste qu te dlecter avec le vomissement du dgot issu dune goutte de cyanure. Une goutte de cyanure est suffisante pour lamour, pour lamiti, pour la haine, pour tout ce qui provoque la ptrification de lme. Justement cette manire on peut arriver un niveau mdiocre de lexistence. Linattention de lexistence provoque de lagitation. La pluie des soupirs relve le temps, le souvenir, lternit

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Les bruits de lternit rappellent le got du sang qui scoule parmi les lys blancs peine fans ; on cherche et on trouve une nouvelle idoltrie ; le tulipes sont parpilles elles aussi sur le tombeau instable et les roses lancent leurs ptales vers le pass qui sest peine consum. Les souvenirs scoulent et les ombres issues dune lueur spcifique au monde de la folie ondoient dans le marais des larmes peine chues. Tout est presque trop parfait ! Mais il y a en change quelque chose qui nest pas compatible avec un certain tat par lequel le dsir se transforme en illusion. Pour cette raison, la subjectivit a besoin de perfusions dindolence. Comment est-ce possible, quand on voit que tout est parfait, se plaindre des imperfections de la vie ? Il est intressant que la folie, la schizophrnie, la maladie, en gnral, ne font rien dautre que contraindre, limiter ltre. La certitude de cette situation met en vidence en fait les grimaces de lincertitude. La plus fidle amiti suppose la haine parfaite. Lamiti drive du non accomplissement et de la souffrance accentue. Le manque de quelque chose qui ne peut pas tre dfini est rempli par lamiti. Ce sentiment nat de lillusion qui se trouve dans une partie de ltre envahi par le chagrin. Le fardeau de lamiti est supportable dans la mesure o celui qui est proche de nous feint de comprendre lamertume de lme. Un tel comportement se mle la folie de laltruisme. Cder la folie, tre persvrent, errer dans lespace destin lternit, tout cela illustre un dveloppement cancrigne de lesprit. Par laltruisme est exprim le dchanement de la noblesse de lme. Le conformisme de lamabilit mime ce moment-l la piti et les larmes. Celle-ci nest quun modle ridicule de survie, un modle par lintermdiaire duquel la moralit se transforme dans une ruine existentielle. La sensibilit pour labsurdit relve, en fait, dune exhortation au renoncement destin empoisonner la beaut du rve. Lirrmdiable ralit conduit lapparition de la superstition strile dans un monde suffoqu par des penses flatteuses. La constitution dun systme moral au niveau de lexistence annule la possibilit du choix. Ainsi, non spar de lillusion, ltre se rfugie dans une culpabilisation non avoue, en prfrant se sauver par un boycottage envers le profane. Le dsespoir quil prouve est quand mme rel et implique la faiblesse des prjugs. A cause de cela une rvaluation de la moralit est compromise pour toujours. Dans cette modalit de lexistence lirrversibilit donne la preuve de sa sincrit. Toute autre forme de survie est inefficace. La strilit de la faiblesse de ltre rivalise avec une certaine carence dmente de la comprhension. De cette manire, contre labsolu se prononce lintelligence inutile de ceux qui veulent atteindre le niveau des plus grands sages. Ceux-ci, pris par la vulgarit de leur propre destin portent leur orgueil naf dans lhorizon du despotisme. La gravit de 118

lintolrance quils affichent dune faon inconsciente ne fait quacclrer la fin. Comme si on se souciait de cela ! La haine drive de la comprhension du sentiment damiti. Cette ralit soumise, dailleurs, au sacrifice se rduit lexprience subjective de lternit. Luniversalit de ce phnomne puise dnergie toute subjectivit qui russit conscientiser une telle exprience. La clart de lternit dtruit lexpressivit de la normalit. Pour cette raison, une mditation invitable sur lobscurit existentielle doit tre accepte sans aucune opposition. Une telle image apocalyptique secoue toute forme de paroxysme, toute extase ne avec le but doublier la pense de la mort. La tristesse dbordante russit transformer la joie en mpris et lesprance en regret. Tombe en drision lexistence cache le soupir de la lumire et le chant suave de lternit, mais aussi la danse qui mne vers linstant qui ne pourra jamais tre peru. La langueur de ltre et lennui affich par celui-ci trahit un mode dexistence qui prouve duplicit. Cette manire de survie efface de la conscience de la subjectivit tout dterminant existentiel. Lerrance dans un monde de la dsillusion ne fait quajouter aussi un peu de monotonie la somnolence du destin. Cette image troublante maintient le masque ptrifi de la subjectivit. Le dsir de vengeance se dchane vers lexistence caduque. De plus, par cet lan la curiosit enivrante et pouvantable conduit en mme temps lexaspration et au dlire incendiaire. Lexaspration contamine ltre avec de fureurs hantes par des frustrations. Lintensit de celles-ci exprime lcroulement de la subjectivit dans le vide de limpuissance. Cette sensation dcroulement enchante les formes dillusion qui dbordent par des images dgotantes dans lexistence. Mais la surprise du destin consiste dans sa capacit dinventer des solutions dans le but dviter justement ce vice de lexistence. Cette image qui suggre limperfection de la ralit dtermine des loges en face de la rationalit, qui fait preuve jusqu la fin de lexistence pleine dadulations sduisantes et de lchets mesquines. Le dlire incendiaire imprgne avec de vains espoirs la pense qui a le courage de regarder vers lavenir. Limmersion dans le rve dmontre lexistence des farces au niveau de tout type dinitiative. Justement ce dsagrment projette la subjectivit en possibilit, et ce saut transfigure le soupir du destin. Lisolement dans linfini trahit une passion intense en face de linfini de la solitude. Le sourire ironique de lternit traverse lentier univers de la conscience, la vitalit de celle-ci. Se situer dans linfini du rve suppose la conscientisation de limpossibilit de survivre devant toute forme dimprvu. Ainsi, la tentation dun univers o la prostitution des souvenirs conduit une rationalit excessive, est celle qui fascine par le manque de scrupules. Malgr cela, lexistence dun univers o il est permis aussi autre chose reprsente un gain pour la subjectivit dans les conditions o les larmes de lme cristallisent la sensibilit. La 119

ncessit dune telle exprience permet la contradiction de se manifester, une contradiction pleine de dramatisme, mais aussi de bonheur. La participation au destin dun tel monde fixe linfini dans lternit. De cette manire, lextravagance de lternit finit par tre admire et bnie. La duret du sacrifice dgnre en tolrance. De plus, lamabilit sera la consquence de toute absurdit. O commencent et o finissent les indiffrences mtaphysiques ? Un vrai dsastre macabre se dvoile aux inquitudes subjectives. Mais le doute inocule aussi dans cet univers des quantits absolument pas ngligeables de ridicule et dindiffrence. Ainsi, chaque intention par lintermdiaire de laquelle on languit pour un instant de bonheur, est destine au drisoire. En flottant sur les vagues du non accomplissement le bonheur fait finalement naufrage dans la mdiocrit. Victime de la superficialit, la mdiocrit devient insensible toute forme dambition. Cependant, il ne sagit pas de nimporte quelle subjectivit qui trahit sa propre nature par un refuge dans sa propre piti. La gloire qui accompagne lambition suppose une rsignation pleine de dignit en face de lternit. Une telle raction empche la sparation de ltre dune part de soi. Les aspirations de la subjectivit ne se terminent pas l o le nihilisme devient dangereux. Au contraire, la persvrance cueille ses fruits quand la bont nest plus accessible tous ceux qui se trouvent dans une telle comptition. Le regret que certains principes ne soient pas respects justifie plus ou moins le fait que dans une lutte on doit faire tout son possible pour obtenir la victoire. Pourtant, tout comme certaines choses montrent quelles sont plus importantes que la victoire dans certaines situations, de mme, mener une lutte daprs ses propres rgles montre quelles sont quelques fois plus efficaces que le respect de ses rgles . Ainsi, avoir une mentalit de gagnant et tre toujours au-del des autres signifie sexposer toujours un double pril : dune part, celui qui consiste cultiver un certain orgueil qui mne finalement sa propre destruction, et, dautre part, celui dtre lobjet de la haine et de lenvie de ceux qui manquent de pouvoir. La sympathie de ltre pour lternit donne satisfaction ces instants immuables et inertes. En se rapportant la transcendance, la subjectivit russit se sauver par la cration dune correspondance entre la possibilit et le sacr. Cette forme de manifestation met en vidence un entier rsultat de la concrtisation de lintentionnalit dans le cadre des mondes possibles. Pour cette raison, une goutte de cyanure est suffisante pour lamour, pour lamiti

PITAPHE
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Toi, la vie, tu dois pardonner lternit de la mort car une seule pense invoque le regret par la rsignation en face du prsent. Prendre la fuite en volant, sduite par le sourire de lternit, lombre du silence lance des larmes de feu sur les fleurs peine closes sur le tombeau frais. Les feuilles sont devenues grises depuis longtemps. En fait, il nest rest que le gris et la cendre. Au fond, les destins vagues reprsentent prodigalit, splendeur de ce qui dans un instant ne sera plus. La beaut dun jour qui ne sera plus, le mystre de la nuit qui ne durera plus, ces deux complmentarits lmentaires expriment une rticence tolrable. Jai tant cru en toi la vie et tu ma quitt pour la non-existence du corps ! Jai tant cru en ton optimisme et tu ne mas donn que le pessimisme ontologique ! Ta fuite a donn naissance un vol invisible spcifique seulement un mystre. Le vol de lme du corps a provoqu de la douleur et de la rsignation, en offrant la paix et les larmes, en relevant le silence et la solitude, en donnant de la pauvret mais aussi de la richesse, en apportant du souvenir et de loubli, en offrant de la haine et de lamour ! Qui est en fait la garantie de limmortalit ? A-t-on besoin dune chose pareille ? Jai la nostalgie de toi, la vie ! Toi, celle qui ma montr ce qui est lambition, toi, celle qui ma offert ton amour, toi, celle qui ma fait goter la liqueur de la rsignation, pourquoi mas-tu quitt ? Ici, dans lternit, mon non-tre pleure, il dsire autre chose et pas la fin. Le regret, limpuissance et les vers troublent mon silence promis pendant mon existence. Jai voulu une tombe sur laquelle apparaissent toujours des tulipes, des lys et des roses. Mais le temps na pas fait preuve de clmence, de bont, de gnrosit, de tolrance quau moment o il a voulu dmontrer sa propre existence. Le temps ma conduit vers lternit, il ma offert les plus belles fleurs et cest toujours lui qui me les a ravies. Pourtant, au lieu des tulipes, des lys, des roses, qui ont rjouit quelque part, un jour, les mes qui ont eu laudace daimer, ont commenc fleurir des myosotis, nes et prdestines une lutte contre le temps, contre la rsignation, contre lamour. Et cependant, je ne peux pas te juger ma trs chre vie parce que tu mas quitt, je regrette seulement les beaux instants que tu mas offert et ils se sont consums, ils ont pass une vitesse ahurissante et tout sest teint beaucoup plus vite que ce que javais pu imaginer. Je noublierai jamais la splendeur des moments dautrefois ni le mystre du pass, je noublierai ni lambition ni la rsignation, je noublierai pas ltre Aim lme duquel jai offert tout mon amour, je noublierai jamais le souffle du vent et le vol tourdissant, je noublierai jamais et jamais je ne laisserai se perdre lmotion, la joie, le bonheur. Je sais quici mme, dans lternit jai le droit au rve, au dsir, lamour. Je sais quun merveilleux conte qui a commenc quelque part, un jour ne sest pas encore accompli. Il est n dune ambition sans limites et dun amour profond et magique. 121

NCROLOGUE
Dans la folie dbraille du concret qui vient dun monde du prsent, la valse de lesprit montre le chemin vers lternit en criant avec dsespoir : Esprance, mais aussi libert ! . Cest le chemin vers la philosophie, et la pense affiche une grande joie ; maintenant, une thorie diffrente de celle de la normale suit sa propre pense relativement banale. Ici, un cur puissant peut seulement arriver, quand le feu de la mort travers leau de la vie coule, et lindolence qui croit quelle sait ce qui est et ce qui nest pas dans la pense, regarde une larme scoulant dans labme. Ensuite, il y en a une autre qui scoule, encore une, puis une autre sanglante, le flot ineffable scoulant un destin apparat. Et, ainsi de suite, graduellement, une danse gracieuse nat, le chaud baiser de la mort ex nihilo se lve. Et placez le plus vite possible, des myosotis, des tulipes, des roses et des lys sur mon tombeau, mais aussi un ncrologue noubliez pas dcrire, et que tout reste seulement symbole, amour, philosophie. Adieu ou plus tard quand on se reverra !

TESTAMENT
Au commencement linterrogation Que signifie philosopher avec passion ! offre une Vision sur le silence ; mais aussi une Involution spcifique certaines formes de lexistence ; une dimension se cre o un Amour ptrifi essaie de justifier une Ralit. Comment nat un faucon ? Comment meurt un faucon ? Cest crit dans les toiles que la naissance et la mort jouissent dun Amour interdit et Quand on perd quelquun quon aime plus rien na de sens. Ainsi, Dansant devant la mort linstant devient ironie, il est Autre chose, un monde qui commence quelque part dans le pass. Pour cette raison, Une goutte de cyanure est suffisante pour lamour, pour lamiti et sur le tombeau de chacun une pitaphe doit tre prsente la mmoire dun Ncrologue. Tout cela par lintermdiaire dun Testament ! Persavosentloschecalcosventiuno!

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123

THE DECAY OF SINCERITY

124

A NAIVE PHILOSOPHY IN SIMPLE THOUGHTS

To

AVENIC

GARD,

the

most

wonderful being I have ever met whom I have loved and I will always love immensely
125

126

Love is felt by the heart and

127

lived by the soul.

AVENIC GARD

THANKS
The Decay of Sincerity represents experiences, emotions which have been torturing the subjectivity. Therefore, some of these experiences, some thoughts, some philosophies have remained in the memories of the past, in the by-gone existential crises and maybe it is better that it happened this way. Other times, though, the contradiction with other ideas, the contradiction with those that had the courage to philosophise, with those that had the courage to live and love transposed in a reasoning which has almost wanted to change something of the image on the subjectivity nature. This situation is also justified by the fact that life must not be seen and refused through frustrations (no matter which they are), life itself must not be seen as an ideative prejudice where the concepts, theories, the deepest feelings are only expressed to be expressed. The complexity of affective feelings shows though, not everybody admits it, a desperate need to philosophise. It has to do with a specific need to explain the subjective universe with its horizons and limits of knowledge. Still this trial to understand the certain implications reminds of another problem, that of human 128

nature. However, the human nature is possible or can only justify itself by relating to the deepest feeling: love. In this way, if love has no borders, then the understanding of its mechanism transcends venues where the validity it supposes becomes significant. For the power of this significant are to blame those who stood by me and who helped me transpose most of the ideas that made me experience part of the existential ecstasy. Moreover, they showed me that Life is beautiful even if the situations are sometimes impossible to understand, they confirmed me that the questionAre you OK? gives birth to Its my problem! or Its your problem!, they strengthened my belief that sometimes In life you can push the restart button, or even adopt a ,, Je men fiche! attitude in specific situations. In this way, the world I live in showed me that the risk must always be taken and this is done in the name of sincerity, even if sometimes it fulfills itself through decay. On this occasion, I thank a lot those people for all their suggestions, for the fact that they had the courage and the patience to read these thoughts, for the constructive criticism, for the help given to translate in French and English the deepest feelings without which finishing this wonderful story that started somewhere, sometime, would not have been possible. That is why I want to mention the names of some people to whom I am grateful because they could understand the true feelings that subjectivity had to face. First, I thank Irina Lulciuc and Tinela Nastasi because they have understood what had to be understood about the manifestation of affective logic specific to any subjectivity. I thank them a lot for the way they have answered to the challenge of transposing these thoughts in a form that belongs to other spiritual dimensions. In this way, I am grateful for the way they took care of the translation of this book in French and English. I also thank Dominique Besnard-Rousset whose involvement contributed to expressing the authenticity in French and Mary Connoly that supervised the English translation. Their observations demonstrate a professional trial to transpose the thoughts and feelings of subjectivity in spiritual dimensions specific to some horizons with different mentalities. I also thank Nist Corido, Dana Slevoac i Georgiana Macovei for the way in which they have contributed to editing and making this book be published. Their imagination placed in the graphics of some pages is the living proof of their involvement in this project. Last but not least I thank Avenic Gard, the being I have cared so much for and who showed me that one deep and true love may as well be possible anywhere and anytime. If memories can destroy you they are also those that help you live by creating some ideas, some words, some possible worlds: SIDMINA.

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INTRODUCTION

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Dear human being, before reading these thoughts dont forget one thing: any thought expresses hope, and as a teleological process it turns into resignation. However, you dont want to admit it, you dont want to accept this situation because your will is the one that cheats you, that makes you invincible, immortal. Still this thing is not valid when being non existent. Your weakness makes you feel sick and you give in. Nonetheless, before doing anything dont forget that your non existence is endless and the conscience of your own being is nothing but a state which makes you feel the fear, the fright, the anxiety. Dont forget that no way is there to escape from your non existence. Sometime, we are all doomed to resignation. Sometime, we are all doomed to non existence. Sometime, we will all have the possibility of remembering but also forgetting. History may set you somewhere in a forgotten time or in a place which very few will discover precisely for the fact that they will want to forget about the forgetfulness. Its about a permanent fight between existence and non existence, a battle where the result is known beforehand. In effect, this is the absurdity of your nature: ambition and resignation. My way of thinking might displease the people around; and others might even be terrified. Some might become ironic, others prove indifferent. I must acknowledge that this thing pleases m. In fact, this is the world where our own existence manifests itself. I wouldnt be the only person in this world about whom people would say: Here is another crazy man! To know what you want means to be among the first ones; it means to fight, to react, to answer back so that the chance should always be on your side. Notwithstanding the inner turmoil which every person feels, in fact we are all the same. It is, I consider the most unbearable ontological identity. Ones life is nothing but the image of the other one in the mirror. Therefore, we have to take into consideration two worlds: a real one and a possible one. Our duty is to live, and the objective is to establish which of these worlds is worthy of us. This self-centeredness leads to a more or less tragic truth. And despite all these, something might come out one day All youll find here are only obsessions that have materialized at a dream level. The thought has come over the being arousing inherent feelings! You only have to have the power to admit and accept them. In effect, you only have to resign yourself and deride the resignation, to deride the irony of resignation irony. A lot of compassion, M.E.

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IN THE BEGINNING...
Persavosentloschecalcosventiuno! In the beginning there was a thought. But not a thought that simply comes and goes, but one that materializes at the same time everywhere, where every master (teacher, educator), every disciple (pupil, student) is looking and waiting for something Master and disciple, here is an absolute complementarity! I have been discussing with some colleagues and I have realized that the school where they lived part of their lives bears the weight of the past. Some of them are restless, maybe a little nervous. Moreover, I am trying to challenge them a little, to enter their past. For almost all of them the same thoughts ripple closer and closer, memories are being found The persistence of thoughts and by-gone feelings challenge the spirit. And they realize that nothing fades away, even if your own perception changes. Impressions preserve themselves in emotions, in the recurrence of history, and the eternity phrased in the concept of time cancels the distance between generations. A thought and a remembrance transmit the whole universe distant unseen and unheard moments I look around and I am aware of an unseen future which some of the young ones might feel sometime in the mirror of the past which is going to come: teachers, mates, some old friends. What started in the beginning as a thought suddenly changed into a ray of light. In its memory, let us allow this ray of light to penetrate the time, its flight to be a smooth one and on its warmth to engrave WISDOM! The flight of birds gives birth to a love smile, and the wonder of the Universe sings and talks over time to something by gone If in the beginning there was a thought, the end will surely not exist If the unpredictable gives birth to ideas, then the conscience will surely move on The originality and freedom of speech specific to the human dignity crystallize the gratitude towards the old times, as somewhere, sometime, a wonderful story began

WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO DO PHILOSOPHY PASSIONATELY?

It means to believe that there is always a possibility!

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To live lonely in a couple; to see the other ones perspective, to feel the need of a self conflict; to have the power to defeat yourself; to go on the self knowing road (if you ever find it). Isnt the unique in its way personality an exacerbation of the conflict started between me and myself? Whats more necessary? Is it about being calm or choleric, weak or strong, pessimistic or optimistic? This necessity might come from our ability to observe the Reality. Still by doing it dont we get to a state of boredom? There is always a possibility!... It means to stifle the people around you by the way you are! The desire and power epitomize two thoughts that do not always let you live as others would want! In the same way, they make the issue of our own nature more difficult. The contextuality arouses satisfaction and nuisance. That is why showing off leads to your destruction as a person. Common sense also brings about the non existence. Normality means contradiction. Abnormality leads to contradiction! However, does the balance lead anywhere? The answer is as follows: nowhere, that is a place where It means to become lousy! It is said that you are full of virtue if you are ill and you dont show this to anyone. You are sick and you dont say anything about it to the people around you-this is fulfilled virtue, some think. This situation is nothing but a resignation before dying. However, our duty should not be one of resignation but one of struggle. A struggle, though, in and through resignation. We dont have to hide our illness, pain, sufferance but all these have also to be revealed to the people around us. We have to transmit our own sufferance to the others. Everyone should know what to suffer or what to be an incurable infectious patient mean. Everyone should at least once feel the fear and madness and non-madness. He who is sick should only weep in front of the others, his cry of pain should be strong. His sufferance is due to impress the close ones. In this way, the healthy ones will strive for the illness, pain and sufferance of the sick one; they will find an excuse to express words of comfort around. Seeing the hell, the sick man heads for the heaven. He will be forgiven because he has suffered and his sufferance is transmitted to the others. The illness is defeated when it is taken away from your own body the moment the healthy one has lent it to you. The marvel of your own healing resides in making the one beside you love your own disease. The war between the sick one and the healthy one should end in a compromise. Who is going to win? Probably no one. Nevertheless, you are ready to claim that everything depends on this war 133

It means to rejoice over illness! So much powerlessness does a sickman have! So much helplessness! When he is ill should a man become a nothing? The sick man is the man of no hope and unbearable pain. The man fights. The illness fights. The terror and hope cling to the being. The pride, though, makes them both lose the war. The illness transforms the being and at the same time it gives it illusions. Light a candle and call for a doctor!... It means to be aware of the shudder of your own being! A really profound death makes the flesh shudder. The time of the last thought in life has come. The lust for life reached the limit. The end limit or the start limit? The supremacy of anxiety over calm is felt in the entire being. Everything is vibrating right now. The desire to live turned into a heart-breaking sob. Some roles appear. Places are changed. The triumph of calm over anxiety will have its saying eventually. The dying man does nothing but be aware of anxiety and calm. The coldness of death means its dictatorship over the body. The cold is stronger than the heat. Still where does heat begin and end? It means to see the despair of a dead person! The despair of a dead person, here is the most terrible despair of all! To be dead and not to be aware of this state, it means to be and not to exist at the same time. You are dead but there may be a sparkle of life in you. You might live longer. The thought crosses your mind: a last reasoning. You anticipate the move. The thought and the sense open up, you look around or feel without looking. And you see and feel only darkness and cyanide. The real becomes unreal. The fear overcomes you, and the despair increases. To think of your own death, to infer the coldness of your own body, to feel the smell of your own flesh in a continuous decay. To shudder at your own image, to die and live at the same time, here are the fears that make up the despair of a dead man. Youve been alive. Now you are a healthy corpse. You are dead, but you still live. The astonishment has no value or It means to accept the resignation against your will! The hazard is hated through eloquence. How much sorrow is there at the funeral of a non-being! How much sufferance is there during those moments! How much regret is there around! And the irony is that there are some who try to express so much joy, in an unconscious way, however, to show their own weakness, to hide 134

their own pain! How many solutions does somebody need to solve the problem of resignation towards things which will no longer happen? It means to see that a light has died out and wait for another one to spark off! When you are to become a non-being the obituary materializes and the sadness and joy will keep you company. The will and the ambition fade away as well. And how much theyve helped you when you were a being! Friends, if they exist, vanish as well. The same with the enemies! And the dear onesyouve abandoned the dear ones and you are not aware that you no longer care about them. The non-existence transforms the dear ones in ailing ones, mad people, incapable of understanding death, in some resigned ones! The non existence is near them, and they are near the non existence. The communication is done by sighing and being silent, by tears and indifference, transformation and despair. What else is left? The shudder that will also disappear some day It means to meditate gazing there, somewhere! You are musing and saying: there is, there isnt. And youre saying: probably and the probability turns into something else and so on. Gazing there, somewhere you realize that your own being indulges in a strange mood. You tremble, you are frightened. The fear has always been part of you and realizing it makes you feel lonely. The loneliness appears when the intensity of the fear increases. The fear hinders your reactions but it also fills you with a crazy courage. Gazing there, somewhere, youre wondering: is there a unique world or one placed into another one and so on? The plurality of the world offers the ambiguity which there, somewhere, once upon a time It means to wound your own existence! We have all distanced ourselves from the past. The artificiality determines the disappearance of the spirit. Where there is no spirit there is no initiative to live. Are we condemned to nonspirituality? We pretend to be living in a present time. The existence represents a danger to creation. In fact our offensive is our attack. The existence that destroys itself also becomes a danger to creation It means to contradict yourself! What a soft-hearted world! A mercantile kindness! We live in a state of bliss, of endless delirium. We are the prisoners of why. We are optimistic because we have the right to optimism. We are pessimistic because we have the right to pessimism. We choose everything, but we choose 135

something in particular. We invite ourselves to the existence, and then we do everything in our power to destroy ourselves. However, a contradiction might also be possible It means to live the deception! A fierce world! Vice everywhere! A crazy world! Utterly disgusting. Passion among people. To laugh at the humorous side of this world is worth nothing. It is not worth crying. It is not worth helping this world to triumph, not even grieving for it. Here is what we are a world in a delirious state. An endless delirium, a crazy delirium. The world appears and disappears through us. Is the existence of the world justified? Is our own existence justified? It depends on each of us. The world? A contradiction! The world? A deception! The world? Some courage! The world? A certainty! The world? Something too much maybe! It means to find some pure madness! Many times people hit each other. The body searches for it, the spirit finds it. The spirit is thinking, the body finds it. That thing, that fact. The body searches for it, the body finds it; the spirit is thinking, the spirit finds it It means to perceive a cry in the darkness of your mind! You are alone and youre thinking. You have a contradiction with your own person. Your conscience feels guilty. You are smelling a cadaverous breath, a utopian freedom. And then you want to get out, to escape, to breathe and/or inhale something else besides illusion and despair. A cry is heard in the darkness of your mind. Some lightning, some trouble. And still there is some lightning in the darkness of your mind. Something too childish, but so necessary It means to think of thinking! To Murphy: if you dont protest, you dont have it; if you protest it might be worse. There are as many words as sciences. There is as much scenery as knowledge. Everything is grand, magnificent, impressive until the boredom comes. It means to believe that there is no other possibility! How do you see this world? In fact, do you see it, feel it or do you simply sense it? Some who think they are superior to others think that they can take advantage of the latter. They put into practice the dictatorship and the terror as a result of their own frustration. Once I met a person about 136

whom the wise ones said that he had had a childhood full of shy moments and frustrations. This person grew up, was silent then gave a lethal blow. Then he became a petty dictator. At that moment, many fell down, but even more were born. The fate had the indifference in store for the fallen ones. For the born ones, some were reserved the immortality, and others the shyness and the frustrationAs for the petty dictator nothing is known It means to accept the unpredictable! To sing! To laugh! To cry! To fly! Here are some of the imperatives that one should take into consideration in his/her existence. Your own conscience analysis should lead you to the faith in somebody or something! To cry out! To be aware of the destruction! To like the illness! To feel death! To love what you dont believe you love! Here are some of everybodys desires, still so difficult to fulfill! It means to imagine the future! Almost all the time we are obsessed to write apocalyptical scripts. It seems that the humanity has a great pleasure to imagine these scripts. However, the troubled times of any civilization are only realized after they took placeAlmost always do we think of the end and only rarely of the beginning. Imagine that suddenly you found out that you only had some very little time to live. Anything can be the reason. What would your first reaction be? What about that of the people around? Imagine also that you were given the same period of time to rebuild the world. What would you do? What thing would you do first? Ask yourself: what does it mean to do philosophy passionately?

PERSPECTIVE ON SILENCE
The idea of silence follows our own being permanently. How pleasant it can be! And how much violence it can create around! The (un)quietness surrounds the being from all parts. The purest quietness can be obtained in loneliness. The purest unquietness is also born in the loneliness. Nevertheless, the silence amazes only if it is in relation with something else. Hence, the association of some explicit features allows the thought the freedom of speech, and the feelings the freedom to express themselves. 137

When can anyone obtain a pure silence? Being the silence companion you think that you can truly understand what the good, the evil, the sufferance, the joy mean. But do some of these really exist? For instance, the meditation implies loneliness, but paradoxically, by tasting the sufferance and drifting in melancholy you feel that you are no longer alone. You torture yourself through silence, within yourself real existential anxieties take place. Through silence, you think that you get to self knowledge, to the reconstruction of the world, reality, to solutions etc. The courage to put simple thoughts on paper through a nave philosophy supposes after all, an innocent sincerity together with an ideative delirium and sometimes contradictory explanations which do not involve any type of logic on which basis the main principles of reasoning would be followed. This nave philosophy is rather connected to a logic of affectivity, of deep emotions which sometimes needs some triviality, a decay of sincerity. Maybe that is the reason why, the dissatisfaction of the others with what will follow, with the simple thoughts, the childish meditations, the written emotions will change into irony. We are almost ashamed of expressing our simple thoughts and supporting a nave philosophy. Its a shame that comes from fear. Its the fear of the others mocking, irony and which was caused by the misunderstanding that the otherness displays nonchalantly. Therefore, the right to self irony is totally justified. The display of simple thoughts leads to the collapse of subjectivity into naivety. An extra pretext so that the irony of the people around would swoop wildly on the souls who had the courage to be innocent, to risk, on those who embraced a philosophy of the flight and who had the power to follow the road to success, on those who accepted the ambition and the resignation but also on those who dared to love somebody deeply. Overwhelmed by the extremely deep silence, I begin to see a world of which until then I had not been aware that existed. I might have guessed it some time, I might have experienced it when I needed it mostIn a dream the desire materializes, and the matter turns into spirit. The power of the dream stresses out a possibility of representing the spontaneity of the speculative. Framed concepts, a mixture of theories, confusing ideas, all these are guilty of explaining the dream; a dream with a double life: a dream which wants to become concrete (the desire, the future) and a dream that has already become concrete (the imagination, the past). The invasion of thoughts over feelings shows a hidden potential. A combination of ideas, concepts, theories that reminds us of both the inner and the outside universe, the soul, the stars, the parallel universes and the possible worlds, the knowledge and the helplessness, the will, the ambition and the resignation; A true show that starts the war between admiration and envy, between trust and distrust, between love and hate. 138

The detachment from close reality justifies the intercourse initiated in order to accept other worlds. This (de)constructive commitment is susceptible to bitter criticism from those who claim to be normal. Their loyalty to excessive reasoning and to short passions betrays a perfectly insulated world, a reality subordinated to a dictatorship which governs according to bewildering prejudices and wrongly applied principles. Therefore, not being able to express the inexpressible and the symbolism, the critics of affectivity would rather show the intellectuality by inventing some forms of violent experience, of barbaric manifestations, meant to impress the culture to which they are subordinated, a culture otherwise built artificially but also superficially. The (re)constructed and (de)constructed reality is an image situated in a specific time period. Due to this, the objectivity of the world, explained with the help of the involved subjectivities expresses a mentality obsessed with apocalyptic scenarios, spiritual rebirths, existential regenerations. Of course, this situation is not to blame as long as the transgression of values updates the symbolism of reality. For this reason, the reality explained by using possibilities does not shy away, for the sake of an affective logic, from emphasising the structure on which some scientific theories are built. The hermeneutic try to decode the significance of symbols finds its justification exactly in the interpretations given to reality. Owing to this fact, conceptual-theoretical speculations enter the space-time dimensions which belong to the possible worlds. Which is after all the goal of the existence? There are some deictic justifications by which the interpretations on the existence are rendered through a process of deciphering the symbols of reality. Becoming aware of this situation causes different interpretations on reality. Moreover, their theoretical parts become inconsistent now that certain assertions are impossible to confirm. Of course, the ambiguity of interpretations, the conceptual confusions together with the alternative ways of representing the possibilities send us to conventionality. However, the framing of a conventionality supposes the acceptance of suppositions which are the basis of understanding the purposefulness.

INVOLUTION
Some people think that this life is a wonderful thing and too charming towards them. I refuse to believe something else. As we keep gathering sufferance, troubles, pain within ourselves. However, at the junction of these roads we gather treasures such as: virtue, harmony and hope. The more worried we become, the more the indifference hurts our soul. The future depends on us. 139

Life and death stamp on us. Often do the confusion and the strong emotion dominate this world. It is a strong emotion that uncovers a famished world. We have got used to enjoying ourselves on our graves. I dare say, though there are going to be a lot of ironies, that a threat is lurking. By saying all this I do not want to contradict anybody but still, I want to admit that all the traps of life are bad omens with respect to our complete happiness. Yet, that is why life and death, in their depth, are likely to be susceptible to analysis as long as we suffer from the burden of these obsessions. We can hardly breathe. And then we are suddenly exhausted from this life. Its an unpleasant situation. Regardless of this fact we die faster than we imagine it. What a pity! The thought of eternity develops quietly convenient strategies of accepting the unavoidable. Reasoning without prejudices betrays a special status of the common sense. Such tolerance excludes the optimism forever, exactly because, by this way of looking at the reality any anxiety state is realized. At this moment, the reasoning revolts and this protest brings about the risk, the courage, the fear, the worry. Also the madness and the distrust will certainly appear. Through madness the passion is brought to life. No feeling passes away so easily, it cannot be forgotten without a recursive action in something that has already been experienced. The weakness of distrust results from a world where the situations are reversed. Therefore, in a world where the distrust reigns, the ambition looms like a shadow of resignation. Only the person who misses the dear one can be trusted but to a limited extent. Through distrust any shape of truth is no longer anchored in reality. The spirit of eternity expresses itself in the liveliness of those who accept this perspective. Any hope vanishes in thin air before it can have some roots of its own. A deep affective insertion takes place at the level of mentalities. The tragicomic part of this situation comes from the fact that through cheats and compromises time changes the mentalities. Mean interests at the level of mentalities cast their black look of distrust towards the being. Furthermore, the feeble and delicate innocence of sincerity is both admired and despised at the same time by the ignorant ones. In fact, the violence of the ignorant ones, embodied in wild, fierce manifestations, betrays awful manners. The horrible traces left by this attitude suggest the existence of idiocy at an existential level. The passionate embraces between ambition and resignation are the only ones which reveal the desire to fight against idiocy. This fight prolongs the awareness process of the autonomy of the anxiety on the person. At this moment, the spiritual experience stresses out an organic process by which a certain type of sacredness, present, however, along the existence justifies the grimaces of the decay, as if they were doomed to develop in the space of possible worlds. 140

Meditating on the possible worlds means to reject any reconciliation between violence and non-violence. That is why, if an adequate, perfect formalism were found which would justify, explain the existence of the possible worlds then some of the issues specific to the different types of existence could be understood. Moreover, such formalism would prove its pragmatism as long as by its means the passage from one possible world to another could be made. The problem of this formalism resides in finding the existential axioms, phrasing the premises which are the basis of the possibility of such worlds and continuously trying to establish the existent correlations inside these ontological forms of manifestations. Under these conditions, any type of approach or experiment meant to find out, on the one hand, at least one possible world and on the other hand, its laws, supposes a certain risk because it can lead to involution. However, the threats have to exist exactly because they would mark in history the sacrifice of those who believe in a better world, and why not, in predestination. The excess of sacrifice is enjoyed by those who want the non existence. That is why, it shouldnt come as a surprise to anyone the fact that the despair is a hidden type of this helplessness. The mere realization of helplessness supposes selling something from your own being. And what can be better sold than that which is worth more than life and eternity together? The answer is: love. A strong imperative imposes itself: to sell love, then to buy it, to redeem it and then place it again in your soul with the help of a full of life smile and a true, full of passion experience. Obviously, those involved in this selling-buying process must take some chances sprung from a nonconformist morality. And still, the actors involved in this profitable transaction are always tempted, enticed by this game of love. Its a stone, forbidden, full of obstacles love and which few have the courage to take up, accept, live. Despite this, to invest everything in love supposes not only accepting the exhilaration and paroxysm of the delirium, but also taking into account the affective bankruptcy materialized in an emotional suicide (an act also present in the separation from SOMEBODY DEAR). How can the forbidden love be understood, how can different forms of love be accepted when distrust haunts undisturbed in rationality and emotions constantly? In this case, the distrust is born out of misunderstanding. Affective instances with significances of specific forms of love can be found even in cases where the traditionalism does no longer function. From a logical point of view, the idea that one can love differently and with the same intensity can only be understood if there is the courage of emotional specification. The uncertainty in love supposes a danger, that of interpreting (the reason is guilty, however, of mingling in any affective process) any lived state by a quantifying process. Who is loved can bear the quantifying from the one who loves. In other words, in love there are strategies of communication coming from the subjective selfishness of the being. What else is 141

desired? To be loved 100%! And how can you love the being at an absolute level? How can you love 100%? How can you express your emotions in this percentage relating precisely to the different forms of love? To accept this strategy of loving would mean to love differently from the others, an emotional experience that reveals a logic-mathematical formalism completely different from that of normality. On the other hand, to embrace simultaneously more forms of love and to try and love 100% simultaneously as well supposes an artificial construction set up on moving sands. The existence of more forms of love illustrates the way in which the emotions waste away, the modality in which unsatisfactory percentages come up. Hence, a strong imperative is necessary: give up one form of love for another, and this in the name of love too. But which love? This attitude reflects possibilities of spirit manifestation which passes simultaneously from agony to ecstasy, a whole transformation process of what is in a possible form of being. At the bottom of this world there are the subjective experiences of the existence which reach different types of manifestations. In this way, the axiological symbolism of behaviors, specific to the subjectivities involved in that particular metamorphosis is increased exactly by their concord, a situation which determines a state of euphoria of the spirit especially. The world of the spirit sends to emancipation through resentment. Entering this world encourages the suspicion and frustration and one can only avoid it by paranoid manifestations. Yet, this perspective, if it succeeds to become convincing, suggests a logic reasoning. Its normal that everything should go on like this, because the reality is subjected both to correspondence and coherence. The two criteria become complementary so as to emphasize the necessity of the degrees of truth in this dimension. Its as if you savored the peace of your soul in a hectic world full of decay. To interpret the subtlety of the decay means to ignore the superficiality. This thing implies trying to obtain perfection through imperfection. So to say, any deeper understanding of the reality gets connotations which send us to inflexibility and dissatisfaction. These characteristics represent stereotypes of a detailed analysis carried out by the being. The uncertainty though does not offer understanding but a difference of perspective, which is just a way of trying to understand the reality. But how can one understand reality when you are totally disgusted at the mess that the being makes? How can you help yourself from not being totally disappointed when you smell the breath of alcohol that the being gives off? An infinite nausea is felt by anyone who succeeds in becoming aware of his/her own greed. Famished beings and willing to express themselves through laziness and boredom. There are two obvious things: the presence of the man among people and the animal discussions of the man with himself/herself. Eventually, the hospital, the faith, the cemetery are places where they retire for a rest which proves useful after a time that elapsed faster than anyone 142

could have imagined. Maybe, that is why, each longs at a certain time for another world, maybe, that is why, the existence of the possible worlds is justified, maybe, that is why some want something else. Those who indulge in repeating the error can only be recognized in history through the mischievous attitude that they have in moments where the animal instinct is suppressed. To put it in another way, they are rightly expelled from existence. Even so, they succeed in passing over the handicap quite fast managing to impose themselves in front of those who convicted them once to existence. No matter what they may do they are subjected to fatality. Involved in the manifestation of the spirit, the existence, as a special feature of the being, proves to have connections with the non existence, to which it usually attributes a destined conventionality. To try and research the reality through the being-non being relationship means to take into consideration the premises which show a certain individual variability. In relationship to the will, the purposefulness represents the principle which corresponds to the desire to live. Therefore, the existence, when it is converted to the non existence, becomes obvious to any type of manifestation of the being. Through this, the ineluctable perspective meant to justify the recrudescence of resignation. Nonetheless, everything that has to do with the possibility, the mad desire to survive receives an inextricable aspect. That is to say, the venality of the eternity becomes impugnable creating, becoming the main source of the regret. Speak to a dying man about resignation and then look at him, watch his reactions, and why not, ask his opinion on that. At the same time discuss with him during his last moments about success and ambition. The regret that he shows at that moment betrays forgetfulness and shudder. In this way, any kind of morality is reduced to semblances of your own being, and the apocalyptical messages destroy the attitudes. Moreover, the horizons of eternity show the subjective potentiality which determines the apprehension of the mystery. The ambiguity of possibilities supposes experiences of the continuity and the ineffable forgetfulness regenerates through immeasurable reflections of the spirit. In this way, the force of resignation is felt in the spiritual conscience of the being, but of that being who has the courage to love no matter the brutality that the indifference of those who live in another world shows. Everything resides now in one stone love

ONE STONE LOVE

A dear to me silence makes me bear the love towards the other. A subtle charm offers an endless love to the otherness. You spring flower, you lit star that will soon fall, I love you secretly 143

sensing your sigh. I adore you in our immortality where the thrills let themselves be discovered by the other one. You open ways to me which will soon disappear in the tumult of eternity. That is why, Id rather have the sincerity of your image, Id rather have the selfish sacrifice, I accept the light of death the source of which you are. Im waiting for tomorrowIm waiting for the future, Im waiting for its beauty to come earlier, to meet and face each other with a courage that needs no explanations and justifications. Im getting closer to you, to your soul. I see an image which makes my being shudder forcefully. I catch the glimpse of a divine beauty in your soul and everything there is within it. Im heading towards the other one, Im reaching myself and I feel how my being is shrouded in coldness, I feel the warmth of the soul becoming less warm, gradually turning into something cold but pleasant. The stone soul has no power to get out, to be happy or to laugh. It cries within itself, it cries as the love towards the others cannot be expressed and understood. The stone soul keeps loving but has no power to show it. The soul looks through the statues eyes which have a tear of pain in their corner. Its the tear of regret, of impossibility. The being turns to stone in dribs and drabs and the pedestal builds itself from the incapacity to take action. The statue begins to cry out of joy but also out of sadness. The joy means to accept the regret. The sadness is necessary because it can be taken away through joy. A necessarily logic (inter)dependence where the spirituality is situated at the level of virtue. The statue is strong, she can stand in the way of hardships but she is no longer herself. Its the statue that lives out of hope, a forlorn one which allows a fight between life and death, between the statue and the other one. The statue cries-an affective state which takes her closer to the other one, but which leads to disappointment because of distrust. The fall of hope requires the death penalty for the flowers which once rejoiced the whole being. The image of full of hope death should not frighten anyone, but it must bring joy, a lot of joy, a joy of regret, of resignation, of decay. The statue will not resist much, she will fall apart, the wind of forgetfulness will carry her over the others helplessness. Her image will disappear as everything disappears in the infinite dimension of silence. That is why the statue grins looking at the future, at the memories that will come. Through these memories the longing brings a discreet smile which can be noticed on what has once been a statue, a smile where one can hardly see the out of love sufferance, accomplishment and disdain. The sufferance highlights the thought, it makes it more lucid. In this consciousness, everything has a meaning, everything receives a meaning: the call of the dream, the fall into it suppose its destruction. In order to become concrete the dream has to be built through hope then destroyed with the most real cruelty. In fact nobody will ever resist the decay of sincerity. No matter how much one would try to resist the decay of sincerity he/she will not succeed. The try will only lead to the intoxication of your own being with irrational morality. 144

This metaphysics of illusion receives the aspect of a nostalgic reminiscence. The only attempt through which the being can save itself is the decay realized in a dream. A reality is born in a dream; a reality becomes a memory in a dream. The escape into memory deepens the illusion. All my thoughts throw arduously over my own emotions. In this way, the isolation contributes to the construction of a world where the selfsuggestion conquers the decayed spirit. The obedience of the otherness shapes the pain, the anxiety, the resignation through its experience. The giving up of hope silently develops remorses and angers which offer satisfactions to the profane. That is why the sacredness needs the sufferance. The success of the sufferance in morality explains itself through the existence of the irrational at the level of the conscience. The skepticism and the distrust make the wisdom be indifferent to any form of challenge. How enticing and frightening the challenge is! How much adrenalin and how much fear flow from the manifestation of the challenge! A euphoric state through which the restless soul prays the survival. The simplicity of the prayer suffocates the one who needs the salvation the most: that is the being. By subtlety the being refuses the life canceling the generosity of the creation. Moreover, the semblances of the history end by escaping into nihilism. Furthermore, an illusion confessed or not becomes the fear of any form of existence. A pitiable refuge paralyses the emotions of the being, and a strange restlessness sends to a cold sufferance of the soul. The certainty that it is not possible for a destiny to happen means, after all, a discovery and also an illusion. The absolute love is a miracle that depends very much on the involved subjectivities. The mystery that the latter shows does nothing but deepen the significance of the act of accomplishment. A jump without any regrets touches a delicate longing which waltzes on the love pace. Only a gesture which expresses the power of a kiss emphasizes the fact that everything changes, that everything becomes differently. A kiss has the power to freeze the unhappiness and spark off the tumult of sufferance. Challenging innuendos come up out of burning desires to boost love. The sensitivity and the distrust determine the forces of resignation to unleash over those who love each other. In this way, the wings of resignation spread over the being under the pretext of protection against the tumultuous affective states. The anchorage into the resignation represents a form of originality from the beings part. Paralyzed by a certain ontological contradiction the being does not reject the surprise and the disappointment. It consists of a tireless justification of love towards the other one and even of an attitude which has to be overcome. After all, the attitude is the one that counts more in the trial of harmonizing the intelligence to the understanding degrees of the universe. However, the endless moulds of the possibility stifle the very personality of nature. The nostalgic memories come to 145

ignore somehow the fact that any accomplished love consumed itself in the name of a sacrifice. The mechanism of love can only be understood the moment the interest to the miracle is aroused. Then, the simplicity in this process transforms in a spiritual hyper complexity meant to ensure the harmonious illumination of love. Stifled by the misunderstanding of those around it, love projects perspectives which aim at the regeneration of any affective state. Therefore, the indivisible character of the relationship between love and hate underlines a significant paradigm in the process of (re)/ (de)construction of the affective reality. If this reality is not sustained by those involved in the act of love then the tragedy of these souls is unavoidable. Step by step this religiosity degrades itself and turns into a clich. The strong emotions, lived but not said, suppress the vitality of love, entering a state of indifference and mediocrity. The easiness with which love is destroyed supposes an incurable decay which foresees the indestructibility of resignation. By denying love because of love, rejecting love because of the fear to risk or go on, the being revolts itself. This revolt lacks paradoxically, though, the courage to continue to fight. If one who is in love does not reach the paroxysm then the purity of love is haunted by unpleasant memories and terrible disappointments. Its horrible to be aware that the memories only help you when the despair and hopelessness render a wild kind of love. The humility betrays a depressing reality where a moment of solemnity dominates over the stone souls. Hence, the wonderful thought of decay blackmails its own existence. Little by little the stern face of uncertainty shows its own helplessness to accept the selfishness. To lose love because of love! The deceptions open ways which lead to ironies and periods of madness which substitute in their turn an affective praxis. By their structures, the sometimes unexpected deceptions contain bitterness, sufferance, agony, abandonment. This unfulfillment suppresses the guarantee of the delirium. And yet, one falls into the delirium by canceling the delirium. Both memories and deceptions shorten the life with dangerous thoughts and tormenting prejudices. Thus, the diseases of the being transfer into obscurity the most candid feelings contaminate them with distrust. The cries of help start an avalanche of misunderstandings and deficiencies at the level of emotional communication. Love completes itself in forgetfulness; it is born and stays deep even in eternity. Any silence expresses the fact that love only exists when the ones involved in this emotion want desperately to love. A vanity hidden in a certain form of soul strength shows a fear of interpretation. A great fear highlights the idea that love can be the result of a stupid passion which wants, however, to describe a certain reality. The one which gets rid of this untruth is love itself. 146

This repeated emotion, as an addition and refuge when facing death, does nothing but preserve the risk to be compromised by fear. The challenge compromises the courage, and the double-dealing of the certainty supposes the exacerbation of melancholy. The limits of love always stimulate the sacrifices but also the unconsciously manifested interest. This is a perspective where the fall into temptation, in a world of decay is obvious. The world of decay supposes a maniac emancipation which betrays the prejudices existent at the level of the mind. The comprehensive dimension of the reason experiences genetic transformations through putting things into theories and nave interpretations. The mistakes of the existence lead only to abhorrence, tragedy, maddening wanderings. The uncertainty shatters any trace of reasoning creating the most reassuring form of nihilism. Any trace of suspicion leads to dizziness, deception, a dance in front of death. A sublime despair haunts the mind willing to be lucid. The abuse of unconsciousness becomes efficient when love solves the problem of desire. The depth in love has a pragmatic aspect if tears are born in the attempt to know happiness. A forceful thrill confirms the waste of emotions, the desire of vice, but also the drop of delirium which leads to the revelation, the ecstasy. Love, as an expression of the end comes from a unique illumination. Hence, the life lived in indifference becomes wonderful and the growing reason astonishing. The being starts to become immune to any act against it. Life becomes smooth by having an indifferent attitude. There is a belief that it is possible to tame any anger from the part of those who have the impression that they are gods. To show your indifference (with action and not without action) only supposes dignity. In this way, the being can analyze its own existential condition. The exuberance of its nature is accompanied by a last mobility. Gradually, any move ceases its place being taken by immobility. However, a certain dynamic stays inside as a proof of the ability to hinder the appearance of eternity. Still, the forces of the exterior world put pressure on the freedom of being which wants its life through dignity. The skills and the automatism of external wills lead to a tyranny which controls the being, a situation which determines abhorrence, distrust (from both parts), passive involvement. Becoming an introvert, closing yourself up determines a contagious sensibility which can be transmitted around. With its help, perspectives open up, new images appear, mentalities may change and the state of the spirit could be different. The statue begins to dream, to fall apart, to become aware that she is a being and a statue simultaneously, she begins to remember one forbidden love

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REALITY
Keep dreaming and dreaming, you being, if you want the illusion! Dream on if you want the success! Dream on if you want to dream! The moment which will set us apart has come into our world, and from now on the thoughts will turn into bygone memories. But what does to dream mean? It means to see the dizziness of the thought, it means for you to enter the dance of immobility. The dream and the dance make up the thought and its purity changes our way of living in this universe empirically. The dance of the universe always expresses a reality. It also brightens and strengthens the spirit. Thus, at any moment of our existence, the dance and the song are omnipresent through divinity: peoples dance and the song of the universe. You only have to know how to find the rhythm specific to the divinity. The dance of the universe becomes real through the song of Creation, and LOVE feels as taking part in the divinitys action. You can only say: The clouds, the sky, the stars, the being itself go by and the divinity stays. The word, the soul, the life stay too. You cannot get rid of the thought and that is why it remains your true friend forever when you COMMUNICATE. The interior states mirror the souls manifestation desire creating an axiological system. The latter, in its turn mirrors in a gnosiological plan images meant to point out the power of this universe. Thereby, the immortality and the omnipresence express the ideas about life and death. Also, they express the ideas about death and life. All these can be noticed very well on flowers. The flowers are special in the way they are and what they express. If you take care of them, their life will be longer and more beautiful. The same with people, if they are sprinkled with ideas, experience and love from time to time, then their specific way of living will show the wisdom. In this way, the entire process of communication gives birth to the hope to live and COMMUNICATE. Still, the communication expresses immeasurable ontological states and the symbolical dimensions specific to these experiences reveals the purposefulness of our own conscience. The latter in its turn goes beyond the light and darkness of the beginning. So, the night falls over the day of hope, and the dream takes a seat on the soul. The eloquence displays the virtue, and the cognoscibility of the reality detaches the divine gentleness from the voluntary evil. On the contrary, the human nature displays a royal impertinence towards the resignation. But it forgets that the kings have their own kings. How much fight and stubbornness can the human nature express when resigning! The resignation is a philosophy that uses the voice of the irrational. Maybe, that is why, the existence of the human nature does not want to accept the metaphysical perspective of the common 148

sense. Once it is unique the idea becomes something else, and the possible world in fact symbolizes possible worlds. This transformation expresses a defeat of the conceptualism. To develop from a conceptual point of view implies a perseverance of the idea to be what you are not. The ontological experience projects an image that reminds us of resignation. For this reason, the many perspectives improvised by the reason determine the cancellation of any form of existence. An exaggerated skepticism is guilty of popularizing the idea of accepting life as a means of specific manifestation: blurred and previous to the eternity. The accuracy of this image is explained by the failure of life. The consolation is only a reward as soon as the tears of the soul have no value. What a painful prelude life is! The hostile images of consolation accompany the reverie. Owing to this the reality seduced by the joy of existential subjectivities which participate in the act of love embodies gestures which betray tormenting confessions, but also torturing ambiguities coming from improper interpretations of the reasoning. All these give rise to spontaneous inhibitions by means of which the forbidden love becomes pure and deep. In these terms, the symbolic expressions enter an equation where the unknown facts need metaphorical interpretations. This communion breaks only if a certain parameter in the equation becomes refractory opposing the detailed analysis. The amputation of feelings betrays a specific feature of time. Its song symbolizes however some outbursts of the reason. However, a desire is felt when two souls love each other and the being indulges in dizziness and exhilaration adopting a contextual attitude which expresses good, deep and true feelings. The charm by which the desire reveals the feelings determines both spiritual joy and pleasant reverie. The purity of such kind of love will never grow old. Those who do not understand the contextuality are against a forbidden love and characterized by contagious loquacity start disgusting discussions. Others who understand only what they want to understand prefer saying that the forbidden love is a taboo subject. Under these circumstances, those who love each other excited by the agitation of the otherness have nothing to do but trust a world where understanding and tolerance represent affective value criteria. Any misunderstanding of the otherness becomes real out of automatism as deep love appears, on the one hand, in a world too lazy to understand the true feelings and on the other hand, in a space too narrow to reach the absolute fulfillment. The time of love, of those who fall in love is one which wants caresses, dream, voluptuousness, sacrifice, resignation. The commitment of those who love is obvious towards an affective strategy, even childish one, meant to ensure the certainty by which the subjectivities involved in this process should not deny their love to each other. 149

The assumption of such a strategy in order to clarify the feelings according to a pattern has as main objective reaching the absolute. However, this approach to understand the mechanism of love is slowed down exactly by the limits that the affective states in general can be reached or understood. The way of explaining this situation reduces significantly the understanding of the forbidden love, of the true and deep love from the part of the otherness. In this way, the feelings integrate in a temporal reality where the ephemeral removes the rigidity of the apprehension. This unexplainable fear results from the apostasy of the subjectivity. The sacredness no longer counts as long as you are happy without realizing it. On the contrary, becoming aware of the absolute supposes rationalization, skepticism, peculiarity, loves that never fulfill themselves. Yet, the transmitted feelings become and remain deep forever in both situations. Once a feeling is born it can only be removed by trying to forget it. It remains hidden within the being and gets out when it is dared by the memory. The tragedy of the memory increases the beings sufferance. This predestination represents the guarantee that the light of resignation causes states of dizziness and falls. The ways of expression based on the survival principle point out the fact that regulations become intelligible sometimes with the help of apparently nave explanations. Understanding the order in terms of a comprehensible language supposes tackling and reassessing the results offered by means of the experience. Hence, the interpretations on reality determine different discursive forms of presenting the contextuality. The same ideologies that praise the ambition claim solutions where the message of the ideas is not always understood. Unavoidably, putting into practice the most daring ideas and theories at the level of existence means infringing the freedom of speech and starting conflicts among values. In this alternative context, the ambition distinguishes from the helplessness, the courage from the fear and the decay from the flight. The common factor of all these interpretations on the being is the tendency of the reason itself to adopt a certain attitude towards what is forbidden. The syncopes of the reason implied everything that had to do with the choice. The option in every action represents a subtle aspect of the freedom of expression. In other words, the perspective on reality underlines the presence of some unfavorable images resulted from the application at an existential level of a less original method of analysis-interpretation. The displayed perfectionism forbids any infringement in the spirit manifestation. Accepting an ideology stimulates the illusion offering at the same time an image on integrity. The noticed and revealed reality transfers this integrity in a system of values. Moreover, this image is determined by a somehow stigmatized by prejudices characteristic. Thus, devastated by the putting into practice of these prejudices the experience indisputably justifies any form of 150

exerting the vulgarity. Therefore, these frustrated ghosts are obvious proofs contaminated by innocence and ignorance. Still, one can notice that any time there is a doubt there is the certainty of a change. Any theorization exists through the attempt to mix up the system risking to determine rather chaos than order. When some mentalities become obsolete, the change especially, the capacity to understand reality is destroyed. Due to this, willing to offer as many pros and cons as possible the subjectivity loses out of its own vitality, becoming more sensitive to any action in which it is involved. This idiosyncrasy will make it use some subterfuges by means of which the extinction of those actions that have as goal the change of mentalities could be performed, in other words, major changes at the level of the system especially. Despite being uncertain, such an image suggests a persuasive attitude. Therefore, there are very few facts which will give the true meanings of the argumentative process. In effect, these are irrelevant meanings concerning the argumentative-interpretative approach in the system. A world always meant to transform does nothing but contradict itself and its own aspirations. Finally, the freedom of the spirit produces anxiety and anger, dignity and affectivity. That is why the spirit survives by subtlety precisely because it produces opposition relationships. The perfection can be seen in symbolic images as if meant to give beneficial understandings which flood in a modest existence The variability of preferences constitutes a frame of analysis which emphasizes the spirits elegant way of surviving. The resulted symbolic moulds create the possible according to certain strategies of interpretation. However, the terrible consequences of this approach express the fact that by creating new theories one can reach marginalization and irony. In this way, by underestimation the freedom of speech has no value. The indolence of the mild ubiquity imposes adulation on the experiences. Pity, euphoria, apathy suggest that the harmonious forgetfulness supposes the immutability of the autonomous coincidence. The theory of emulation involves balmy, moving, sweet, measurable utopia. The axiomatic feelings do not render ugly (the immanent forgetfulness chains love) the noble intensity, the imposing wisdom, the decent habits of the aggressive time. The killing intensity, the uncertain triviality beautifies the exactness of the imposed anomalies. The nature of emotional experiences reflects the playful love stimulating the veneration. The exile of suspicion transmits exigency by refusing the final objectivity. Killing nothingness develops apathy and annoying filth. The dance of eternity gives value to the true achievement showing the harmony at the same time.

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HOW IS A FALCON BORN?

How is a falcon born? From others decay. When an idea is exposed without any argumentation it is reluctantly taken into consideration by the others. The former has to withstand misunderstanding as if it were compulsory to give explanations to anyone for what it feels. In a colorful but still colorless place everything is a sky where the worries vanish, everybody cries and complains blaming a wandering longing and the idea of destiny. The strong voice of the soul expresses the incessant rhythm of the sweet thrill of death. One can see a discreet smile on the face of resignation. You cannot know that its irony gave birth to a hidden love where the sufferance manifested itself through silence. The sad soul imposed a censorship on the feelings. A meeting supposes a plan and a destiny. Not having the power to conquer the endless blue of vastness, your eyes will look at the echo of my soul. And still who is my muse? The muffled silence of time which expands without telling anyone answers me that the muse is my life. One last look, one last sigh, one last rattle from both history and love. Painful separations make people drunk by tasting the venom. The soul cries but without tears. And yet it has the power and the courage to dream of hope. The beauty of the flight hides the danger of falling. The smile of resignation should have no requirements from anybody. That is why, to rest from flying the falcon stops near a true friend (once he did not believe in friendship), near the statue who lives a dream. Her dream is to detach from the place where she is positioned and to go away as far as possible with her best friend, the falcon. To combine resignation with ambition and offer it as a last hope to those around you, those dear to you, those who hate you, those who love you! How much triviality in this try! How much power in this success! How much lucidity in this compromise! How much contradiction in any form of expression! The falcon kissed the statue, the statue accepts the kiss with another kiss. The kiss gives birth to the tears of love; its a kiss between one infinite and another one. Any parting means tears, any parting means a soul that cries, a soul that sheds tears out of longing and passion. Why is the soul crying? Because it loves. A gesture means more than a desire, but the desire is the one that boosts the gesture. A filled with passion gesture where one can see a filled with longing flight, a daring dream, a sweet love, a flight of lovers. Sipping from the nectar of love in the name of the same love the lovers dance on a wonderful melody. And still, its a dance in front of death! Its a wonderful dance where the elixir of youth vibrates in passionate experiences. The embryo of 152

passion proves that love forces you not to be yourself anymore. The embryo of passion turns the desire into love. The instants change gradually and everything that has seemed full of life until then becomes lifeless, fallen into forgetfulness. The smile is the one that replaces the past. The smile is the one that regenerates the moment of love, a unique and significant one. Ambition and resignation born out of deep love represent two dimensions which make together a paradoxical way of being, two points of reference as if meant to complete each other. The experience seems however, to highlight this situation which could be named with a rude boldness, chance. Nonetheless, there is a contextual challenge where the axiological contradictions regenerate the normality between putting the world into theory and discovering it. Through normality an unforgettable adventure, an idyll between ugliness and beauty is certain to happen. On the one hand, the ugliness causes intrigue emphasizing the habit. The habit and the ugliness justify by their incapacity to trace the limits between value and non value. Yet, certain axiological criteria come to justify somehow in a consensus a possible differentiation among the different forms of representations. On the other hand, the beauty transfers through specific forms of love which express a continuous process of real change of what exists. Any systematic analysis on love that cannot be understood implies a behavior which cannot be justified outside. The understanding can only become concrete if the symbol to which it refers is understood. Thus, the symbol can only be recognized, accepted and understood in the environment in which it is destined to assert itself. Hence, an entire initiating intercourse precedes the understanding of a symbol after which an entire process of spiritual familiarization starts with the latter. A good example for this is the courage to love and admit it. By using an entire alphabet of symbols, the subjectivities involved in love risk their own existence. Moreover, by establishing and making an affective communication concrete they risk resigning. But the resignation can represent an advantage if the mutual transfer of feelings is done through the indifference and the ignorance of the others discursive reasoning, some reasoning which is targeted against those who love each other but also as a way of not understanding or accepting the situation itself. Could the courage to love be such a big sin that it should need confession? An inappropriate attitude is that of reducing to confession the sin that the love is guilty of. Never are the souls more sincere than the moment they confess and live their deep love. The sky cannot fall on those who have the courage to love each other, the heaven cannot reject the sincere love, and the divinity (no matter which it is) cannot refuse the forgiveness of those who love. Why? Because there are moments when nobody believes in love. In a world where very few still believe in love you only 153

have to look for a king and a queen to bring back the identity of the deepest feeling. The feeling of love can be really easily started with the help of strong experiences. The mystery of this challenge starts with puns, natural or artificial gestures, more or less hidden desires, the desire to be free, but also with selfishness which is not realized for the time being. All these depict the entire architectonics of a natural process. The influence that the subjective experiences can exert on those involved in the emotional process will only increase the justification degree towards those who do not understand the contextuality. They reject everything without realizing that the imperfect, formidable behavior that they prove leads to their own demise. Furthermore, those who do not understand the contextuality blame anything through scornful discussions, heading towards an impure type of suicide, the world in which they live degrading itself bit by bit. Despite all these, those who launch themselves in despicable discussions and endless intrigues have to deal with the moral impunity of those who are in love. Can love be under the sign of predestination? Can the deep feeling be incited or controlled? The instant that is born has no right to mercy, as its birth has taken place in the name of love. Without knowing the pity and only taking into consideration the desire to fly, to be as high as possible, the falcon with his remarkable stamina feels that any moment he can place himself under the sign of predestination. This is why, really motivated to succeed he risks and accepts the challenge. To give birth to a destiny out of predestination supposes a risk, that of decay. A falcon is born out of good intentions, but also out of a certain ambiguity of feelings. Love can only be understood as an instant of balance which turns into imbalance and the eroticism hidden somewhere in the subconscious represses in pragmatic explanations. The normality in love is an inexhaustible source of viced morality. And if things were different the excess of reasoning would not depend after all only on a subjective experience. A quantity at all neglectable of spontaneity would be guilty of what will be born in the future, that is one forbidden love. The predominance of unconscious feelings is, first of all, the proof of the insignificant influence of the reasoning in the act of love. But as destinies appear out of love, the manifestation of certain forms of morality does not have any excuse for the reputation more or less convenient of the one who wants to see the world from somewhere above. The desire to be as high as possible generates an extraordinary force meant on the one hand to ensure trust, dignity, success, and on the other hand to guarantee vanity, error, vice. The resignation becomes attractive as long as the arrogance does not succeed in imposing its authority. In this way, the sufferance resulted from a meditation over resignation ensures peace and consolation. Apparently superficial realities which are guilty of the fact that they create complex 154

interpretations are presented by manifesting the affectivity. Therefore, the mysteries of any deep feeling can be sensed through caprice and rudeness. Sometimes, yet, with the help of experience the resignation leads to an affective confusion. Thus, any form of resignation must be worshipped the moment it appears at an existential level. Metaphorical connotations allow the subjectivity to display a spontaneous receptivity towards resignation. In this situation, the attitude determines a complex reaction which makes at a certain level of reality rational-affective structures. Also, the resignation has a very important role in establishing some existential parameters. It implies a pragmatism that does not depend only on the (re) (de)construction of reality, but also on a type of imaginary which sends to a new way of conceptual understanding of the contextual reality. This attitude is significative especially in terms of specifying the limitations of the ways of thinking. The degree of intelligibility does not justify the appearance of subjectivity, too. Just because it lives in a moral dimension, the subjectivity wants to control the existence. However, the freedom that it has is not an absolute one because anytime what is called destiny can show a certain possibility of self organization. In other words, the independence is sometimes less efficient than the dependence. The analysis of this issue emphasizes from the point of view of the understanding a passage from logical to illogical. This passage is done the moment the subjectivity appearance interpretations express, in fact, more than an identity. The diversity of forms of identity attributed to the subjectivity is relevant to the existence as long as the paradigms become useful by relating them to certain criteria. Taking all these into consideration, the idea of the appearance of subjectivity sends to relativism, that is to a new way of conceptual understanding of a linguistic reality. Thus, the images appeared due to this scenario involve the acceptance of new meanings of the identity. By avoiding a certain semantic ambiguity, an unwanted conceptual confusion (the personal identity, the identity of possible worlds, the linguistic identity), the ways of thinking by which the subjectivity tries to understand the appearance are many times contradictory and sometimes even illogical. How is a falcon born? Out of his own decay too. How does a falcon live? By means of his own decay. You dont need to enter the beings soul to find out the depth of emotions, feelings. By decay any form of existence is seduced. The main form of seduction consists of the fact that love needs, out of impulsiveness, sacrifice, dream, illusion, deep emotions.

HOW DOES A FALCON DIE?

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How does a falcon die? By falling into the abyss of regret. But the regret is a form of decay where the subjective emotions increase. He flies into the air, above the abyss, above a sea that is somewhere higher than the abyss, above his victims, above everything that gives him the freedom to be. Still, it is not less true that the complete freedom must take into consideration an immeasurable conformism where the outburst of will should be unstoppable. The falcon is flying, looking and flying. A little tiredness is felt but it can be taken away by the will to fly continuously. His agility makes him unmovable, as his speed varies directly according to the ambition born out of his will to be. A stubbornness that hides some pain. Its a pain that he stands stoically and it can be overcome. In his flight the falcon looks back at the past, at the bygone moments, at what once existed. His simultaneous journey in the present and in the past guarantees the existence of the future which will soon disappear as well, into something that once existed The past comes back into the falcons eyes gradually: the memory of his birth, the joy of flights, the euphoria of bygone fights, the beauty of going high, the sweet taste of victoryThe falcon is flying, flying, flying, his look staring at the surroundings, the far away placesthe memories of the past flit at an amazing speed, they soothe the pain and encourage at the same time the being giving it hope, comfort and resignation, too The falcon starts to cry smiling at the world that he can see. He crosses the space leaving the rainbow behind which climbs up and down into the vastness. In his flight he is listening to the call of despair which came to welcome him in a sweet song. He is flying another instant, a last try and suddenly his flight becomes an unavoidable fall. In his fall the falcon shouts and his shout hides an emotion. This emotion resounds into the silence of the space like an echo of resignation where the prayer of forgiveness can be sensed. It is a simple form of accepting the nonbeing, the involuntary or not passage into a possible world as the fall does not need explanations or pretexts. Moreover, it is not necessary for the decay to ask the helplessness for excuses. A dark sea floods the wings of the falcon, a dark sea that will cover with its blue grey the dew of the wonderful mornings that once accompanied the secret immortalities of the being. The contagious reasoning causes an estrangement of the spirit that proves an unreasonable affability. The glitter of irony in the grey horizon tries to conquer the infinity of the traveling thought. Carried away by the wind, the shade of love turns into deception when the fulfillment turns into spring. To believe in love means to validate the beauty of the smile, to accept the murmuring of the whispers, to taste the sweetness of the others irony. The others mistake turns into forgiveness, and the falcons immortality is only guaranteed for an instant. It is about a dream which aims at the comfort. 156

To love and caress everything that is delicate and tender In spring everything is alive again, and nothing is more beautiful than the white crystals which start to melt in the blue grey vastness. The light shines over the falcons soul tempting death through sufferance, disappointment, resignation. The falcons soul has detached, going up slowly, heading towards the bewildering heights, flying and contemplating the abyss, the sea, the flowers that float chaotically shouting A falcon s gone missing!. Astonished by the indifference of the abyss the falcons shadow needs a last hug. In this way, beyond anything a perfect find through a hug is possible. It is as if you embraced for the first time another part of your own being, a part that adds to the sweet kiss of eternity. Moreover, the distance brings along a strong feeling of longing, a big dream, but a disappearance lost in the abyss too. A broken hearted soul is crying, it regrets the joy of a bygone flight. A broken hearted soul is laughing because it knows that the flight brought along its accomplishment. The feeling of your own loss can only be expressed through despair and unrest but through the beings retreat within itself. The sublimation of love emphasizes the magic power through which the eternity imposes itself in front of death. Thereby it is necessary to dance, a last gesture before dying. The dance in front of death becomes concrete when facing immutability. The deep love can be reduced to madness, harmony, resignation. However, the deep love would rather stay, with all its imperfection, closer to the depth of feelings specific to those who love than to the others resignation. By resigning the deep love does not waste away but becomes significant. Perceived as a true way of subjective experience, the deep love transfers into possibilities creating various universes. The restlessness of the souls captured by love tends incessantly towards intimacy and influences every moment the way in which reality is perceived. But the reality reveals through subjective experiences the alternative universes, the possible worlds. In these existential dimensions the subjectivity has to do with different forms of love which transfer in various levels of understanding. Although consubstantial the deep love fulfils itself in affective space-time dimensions where the artificiality cannot be accepted. To know different forms of love supposes nothing but living dangerously (the magnetism in love cannot be censored) and making the people around open up their violent reactions towards love. However, in the name of deep love, on the one hand all the subjectivities participate in a kind of libation in which any deep emotion becomes ubiquitous. On the other hand, the laceration of love to make another one survive is nothing but a grotesque show through which the subjectivity betrays itself. To answer love with fanaticism is a gesture which needs no other explanation. 157

The internal characteristic of the possibility is determined by the generic condition itself on which the resignation depends. The indifference of meaning that the resignation symbolizes sends to a generalized answer, to blame somehow for the logical error, on which the continuity is based. On the other side of the understanding, the discontinuity of solutions makes a difference at an existential level. At the same time the complementarity is deeply involved in this process of regeneration. The fact is that the subjectivities constitute a thesis and an antithesis exactly through this kind of perception therefore as entities that communicate by means of the complementarity. Every instant of life is different and that is why the reality to be understood needs the wordsymbol. But can the existence of different criteria justify the truth or falsehood of a theory? Interpretations create realities but realities which do not relate to the same criteria through which the existence could be justified. The word-symbol does not describe the reality but it gives it power to express itself through some explanatory dimensions. An entire contagious process reveals alternative interpretations on reality. The multiplication of the pretexts leads to contemplating the action. In this way, exerting it in sublime is a reminiscence of helplessness. The true nobility of the spirit devours the irreducible sensibility of the thought. Thus, the empirical time of subjectivities introduces the necessity of putting the problem. Moreover, the origin of the solutions that it offers supplies the subjectivities with a logic of the possible. The intensity of feelings expresses the desire within the being. Thus, they express differentiated relations through an entire process of simultaneousness. Each subjectivity loves differently, but with the same intensity. The reciprocity results from the existence of differentiated relations between the subjectivities involved in this process. It is certain that the force of feelings points out the role of significance at the level of understanding. In this case, the dream and the imagination provide and condition the proximate reality. Anything can change or can transform through disguise. In this way the fear of absolute love substitutes the fear of eternity. Both fears however, subordinate to the identity through experience which tends to one point: the resignation. Yet, this perspective highlights a law of significance which is applied at the level of the possible. Anticipating the deep love and the infinite eternity the destinies of subjectivities converge by the difference of their own existential manifestations towards problematic space-time dimensions. It is about the return to what it is inferred but which can be neither understood nor described. The falcon feels that he will no longer be, he knows that in a short time he will only be loved through memories and even these in moments that will be swallowed by forgetfulness soon as 158

the eternity forgives nobody; he knows that he will need the statue, her love; he knows that love is fulfilled through sufferance, memories and forgetfulness as well. The falcon falls down. Its a laconic fall by which a connecting bridge is created between the alternative universes. Understood as visions of the imagination or as possible truths they are in the reality itself and not beyond it. With a mysterious power the falcon comes back to his senses for an instant to hug, to embrace with his wings the statue forever. Thus, the ambition does not belong to an illusory world at all. The world in which it manifests is not, in effect, more unreal than another one full of possibility. The euphoria resulted from the ambition, the fears determined by the resignation, the emotion born out of the flight and the decay, all these mean understanding the purest feeling of all that is, the deep love. Somewhere, in another universe the tears of the statue form an endless sea. If the falcon had not existed, the statue would not have experienced a form of love, much deeper than the previous one. The road to eternity, slow gestures, your own distraction, refuge in resignation, deep love, fulfilled love, everlasting love A falcon vanished in the burning height and flew in the abyss full of tears. From somewhere, from the vastness the last words can be heard: I miss your flight, I miss my flight, I miss my immortality! The life has to be sung smoothly. To sigh silently when death is sung through the love that belonged to the past. His call brings an endless end, a despair of the sea, a last sigh, a last look, a last tear, a last love Ready for anxiety, hidden in the tumult of the being, the love embraces the dream. Its brightness changes the paradise in a night where the invention of ones guilt is similar to the desire to live some more, to feel the last moments of life. How does the dying man feel now? Which is his last thought? Can the reasoning have any role in this compromise which after all wants to save the being from resignation? How much illusion in this approach! And still, a falcon starts to dream, he starts to dream of happiness, of silence, of eternity, he starts to decay through his flight, he starts to remember one forbidden love

IT IS WRITTEN IN THE STARS

The destiny of love is written in the stars. Love supposes unity, pleasure, sacrifice, satisfaction, fulfillment. Love creates double nature, non-pleasure, selfishness, failure etc. Love is unique in the way it manifests. However, sooner or later the absolute love changes into a relative 159

love, then it disappears in unseen, unheard, unreasonable ways of manifestation. Love without death leads to selfishness and arrogance. After all, this type of vanity expresses a pervert image of the tyranny of the feeling. A feeling is nothing but a value under the sign of decay. Its written in the stars that ,,1+0 = a possibility. To cry your love, to regret it, to rejoice in its name, a useless sacrifice after all. The rays of love carried away by the wind, springing from the falcons soul caress the statue who dances gracefully in front of death. The statue dances on a song written in the stars; where from the falcon comes, that is the place where his eternity, flight and decay were predestined; that is where a beautiful friendship was written, that is where the bygone loves had been imagined and the smile of spring, the sweet thrill of death, the discreet smile of eternity, the delicacy of the non being, the tender touches of resignation were born. It is written in the stars to have a heaven and a hell. Imagine the promises of the heaven. At the same time, keep beside you the softness of the hell. Listen as well to the quaint echo of a dead love; the late exultation brings about instances when the memories only survive by finding the past again. That is why the urge for consistency betrays compromises and prejudices. The frenzy of the subjectivity implies a way of interrogation, the idea that any madman must cross a rainbow. And this is nothing but the most regular state that the subjectivity can display when it exists. It is written in the stars to have one thought, just one, one that implies love. However, love supposes madness, and madness supposes postponement. One can postpone almost anything in the name of love but not the love itself. It only takes a split second and everything turns to a waste of feelings. The postponement syndrome works very well in the case of the most normal madman. He feeds himself with the others disdain, with their mockery but with the unrealized resignation as well. Resignation, resignation, resignation! Could it be like this? And still a forlorn hope can be sensed in the light of resignation. Strong emotions gather within yourself. The strongest is that one which develops the fear of the one eager for anointment. Its necessary to have as much sacred oil as possible. Do we need hope as well? Or love at first sight? A simple question and a delicate answer. Its written in the stars: ,,Henisme tas mixanas chenergat metidolo dakos safael. Naka, s akant tas mecartid sontez. Persavosentloschecalcosventiuno jvoisaga astalapr khergea nigataklfovmniud persasster. A message transmitted through the voice of the irrational to a lucid subjectivity.

ONE FORBIDDEN LOVE

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Forbidden love means loving more than one soul, crying and tasting the melancholia of love, springing up toward the heights, and words becoming significant silences; building a way in the heights where roses, tulips and lilies decode the love oath; being on a star-scattered road, sipping the love light, and having love but a forbidden love between the stars and the hope. A last homage is paid to the debris of emotions, a last journey for those who have given up the tumult of life, a last vow made with eternity in the name of forbidden love. The out of love and resignation potion causes depressions which commemorate the bygone memories sacrificed for SOMEBODY DEAR. Strong soul torments arise a strong desire, that of seeing SOMEBODY DEAR as soon as possible. The questions end up in quests becoming aware of the dear ones missing, of moments that waste away in love. A light rises and sets and then it rises again and sets soon after and so on until the beauty of the thrills coming out of the passion of those who love each other, but are afraid to love becomes the hope of a moment which might come one day. To be near SOMEBODY DEAR! Yet is SOMEBODY DEAR in love with SOMEBODY DEAR? In fact, this question does not need any answer as long as love is forbidden. Choosing eventually to stay near SOMEBODY DEAR means, on the one hand rejecting a DESTINY against which you have been always fighting and protesting and on the other hand accepting a new DESTINY, the one you have just created and for which you have given up everything except that SOMEBODY DEAR, and not that one which you had the courage to create in the name of the forbidden love. What you feel, in effect, belongs to you and is related to subjectivity. And subjectivity has the right to speak in this way: coming out of the fairy tales, I catch a glimpse of the forbidden love whose expressive look betrays the goodness of the soul; I can see the forbidden love which baffles me; at the same time I receive the smile of this forbidden love, a smile that always makes me laugh. A kiss sent to the loved soul quietly replies with some extra ones exactly as a proof (as if something like this were needed) that love is possible no matter when or where. Therefore, the joy transmitted to the secretly loved soul turns into anger interwoven with nostalgia. Tormented wanderings loom ahead a destiny where everything may occur. Moreover, the born of love emotion is wonderful when it is transmitted through the eyes of the souls. To love a sunray means suffering too. Any love lived intensively supposes a powerful fire that leads to self-destruction which involves on the one hand, an internal-combustion process and on the other hand nausea sensations due to sunstroke caused by the sunray. Hence, in fact the suffering state is born through love. Moreover, love caused in its turn by hate highlights the fact that there is a strong passion based on unhappiness. 161

A frozen remembrance supposes the magic of love. The time of the awakening abducts the obsession from love. The consciousness, the reason renders a wild relish whose look is toward the body which expresses its personality through convulsions; finally, for a moment, the forbidden love becomes tragic or even more turns into obsessions. I love, you love, we love so many explanations for one emotion which is unrequited sometimes. The magic of this feeling strikes the doors of your own soul forcefully. It wants to conquer any secret thought, it wants to take outside the love and the hate, the beauty and the ugliness. SOMEBODY DEAR attracts like a magnet the already haunted by the spell of the forbidden love soul. Only when the emotions are mutual do the sweet suffering and the bitter love turn into personal satisfactions. To love and be loved with the same intensity! But who could measure something like that? How can the purity of such love be assessed? This, of course, is a perfect pretext. A forbidden love confesses to people around, and those who love each other start crying and saying what they have to say: The statue: You know, Ive been missing SOMEBODY DEAR! The falcon: You know, Ive been missing SOMEBODY DEAR! The statue: Where has your vagrant soul been wandering? The falcon: Here and there, in the past, the present, the future. The statue: And still, dont you ever get tired? Although you see a lot of things you are rather sad. I want to see at least a smile on you face now, and in this way I realize whether it beams and dreams of something pleasant. The falcon: I want to see a smile on your face too. I want this because you know it very well that there are deep feelings between you and me. My sadness can be seen into your eyes. The statue: The feelings are the same maybe just the contexts are different. The falcon: Any Dionysiac experience is forbidden, any emotionBut I want to tell you that I wish I could smile, I wish I could tell you that I care about you more than you can imagine it, I wish I were here near you, I wish I were smiling at you. The statue: A smile can mean a lot to the one who receives it, but even more to the one who sends it. The falcon: Thats true! And thats why I tried my best (I did everything in my power) to climb down to you, near SOMEBODY DEAR who means so much to me, to come from up there where the world is seen differently. I came to take you with me, to fly away, to be together. I came to smile and to see you smiling. I came for us to smile together at the hope, the future. I know that 162

even though the deeds may represent mistakes for me they are, in fact life lessons What I want is to learn The statue: I want the same thing and you know it very well. I want to have SOMEBODY DEAR near me for the rest of my life. I would like to fly with you and feel your protective wings, to feel your courage that ebbed away from me a long time ago, to take my risks just like that. The falcon: And then? Look, right now Im starting to kiss you, to help you get off the pedestal, to abduct you from this world! Let me hug you! The statue: Why? Do you somehow think that your wings can cover, protect or unchain the hardness of my soul? Will your embrace give my joy back? What about my happiness? Will you hug me and take the sufferance born out of incapacity up there with you? I think that my love would waste away, and I couldnt stand taking part in this convoyWait, dont hurry! I wanted to tell you that Im also thinking about you, SOMEBODY DEAR, although I know that your soul will be shrouded in sorrow and regret in a few moments. You know it very well that any kiss you give me and any try of yours to make me detach from this world will do me more harm. With every kiss that you offer me and which is born from your soul the love becomes deeper and consumes itself. So do you, you start to decay, you begin to waste your inner force. My way of being would mean a weight too heavy for you, a weight that I do not have the slightest idea how you could carry. My destiny is here for the time being. Yours is that of always being in the heights. The same sad destiny looks upon sufferance, helplessness, non-existence The falcon: You are being too rational The statue: Youre wasting your feelings too easily The falcon: Then, I wont say anything, I wont show you how much I love you; Ill be silent but Ill stay here near you. The statue: What do you mean by being silent? Why dont you answer me? Have I said something so wrong that I dont deserve anything not even a word? Now I dont know what else to say and I cant explain myself why I miss you so much all the time. What do you mean by staying here near me? But your destiny is different, its not this, you dont have to stay here. Your life means to fly, to survive, to fight and to defeat ever and ever, to be up there all the time; you are still up even if you come down. Your successes are called your successes. I dare say that in your life one can see something special, because you yourself are special. The falcon: Is what youre saying a way of getting rid of love through love? The statue: You have entered my soul though I dont accept the warmth. You have opened my eyes and blinded me with your love. I start feeling my being 163

The falcon: The warmth has always been in your soul. And your eyes are in fact the eyes of your own soul. What happens to us now is related to everything there is around us. We always keep our eyes closed because we dont want to accept the reality, we refuse to completely open them. And that is why when we suddenly open them this reality blinds us. At that moment we feel the distrust. I think we must know when to open our eyes and we must know when to close them as well. The soul needs the otherness but it also needs itself. You have to know how to relate what is around you to love thats the essence of everything, taking even a risk: that of losing yourself; when you fly you risk; when you love, you are part of a deep abyss, subordinating yourself to special experiences; everything you are feeling right now receives an emotional value. The statue: I cant explain myself why Im feeling this way. Everything is so confusing and I wonder why. And moreover, even if you are near me I miss you, SOMEBODY DEAR. I dont want you to leave at all, I only want you to stay near me forever, but I feel, I do feel that you have a future, that you have at least one more flight to make, you have at least one more life to live. I know I contradict myself now but am I aware of being in love? The falcon: Yes, I have at least one life to live, but near SOMEBODY DEAR, near you. My love towards you betrays an emotional complicity. We only have to confess that we love each other and then nothing is confusing in such an experience. The statue: Yes, it is confusing Why should we confess if it is useless? The things remain almost the same The falcon: Your eyes look in one direction, mine in another, but our dream embodies a reality. You make me believe in fatalism and resignation. My words fade away and I am silent, but I live near you. The statue: Why should you be silent? Why should you live without the freedom of speech? If you feel like expressing yourself dont stop. My situation is different though. That is why I do not accept the confession in this experience. But you go farther in the name of love The falcon: Yes, in the name of a forbidden loveI love you and I know that you love me too. Why is it so difficult for you to pronounce these words? You love those around you so much and though you dont want to attach to anybody; you love the life that you hum on, and still you only have life when Im near you; we have one fate to share. What do you think? Is love the same for everybody? Is love different? If it has various shapes, then does the plurality mean accomplishment, absolute, or on the contrary relativism? The statue: Which is your opinion, though? Are all the discussions on this topic of any use? The only thing I know is that Im thinking about SOMEBODY DEAR and I dont know if this is good 164

or bad. These are some confusing sensations, but beautiful at the same time. And do not forget: the relativism must be accepted because its unavoidable. The falcon: But what youre saying is nonsense. You may be right. Nevertheless, in my case confusion turned into certainty. Its a split second. The statue: Only one second? I seethen, why dont you believe me when Im telling you there are confusing sensations. The falcon: I think each being loves differently, though the emotion is the same, and this emotion only needs a second to become ignorance. The statue: There is no reason for this ignorance. And, however, maybe this is what everybody deserves, ignorance. The falcon: Love as well also deserves ignorance and it must be called, shouted at, begged. And I will always come to you with it. The statue: If you were to come you would know that my thoughts wouldnt obey my reason but my soul. My reason is turning into a strong sensation. The falcon: Lets run away, somewhere far from here to be together only the two of us! We need each other, I need you, you need me! The statue: Everything you say is so beautiful...I feel wonderful! You should know that I like to keep dreaming. Its so beautiful! I would like us to go somewhere far away, because we have one dream to fulfill, we have the same dream. All I know is I need to live this dream with you; and I also know that you feel the same. I want to feel your touch and not to be afraid of wind, rain, snow, sadness, loneliness In the beginning I could not look at you, at your eyes; any time you visited me you would come from somewhere high, very high, and my soul was made of stone; all who passed by would take a piece of myself; all those who needed resignation. Even the wind would take something from my spirit. I know that you are my beautiful dream which gave me love, a dream which gave me the power to fly and fall, it offered me an unutterable but confessed love. The falcon: The past is back. Its very difficult to distinguish between the reality Im experiencing and another reality. I live my life to the full at least twice, Im even afraid to fly because I know that my fall would affect you, Im afraid to believe that I can be so madly in love with you, Im afraid of this fear. I have fallen into a precipice of disappointment, but I love and I dont regret anything. The statue: But times will come when you cannot stay here; you need another life. I know that our love is only ours and that nobody can stop it. But youll be far away, youll be leaving, rising somewhere up The falcon: I told you that I dont regret anything Im doing; Id rather stay here, live and relive our love together, our forbidden love. Do you know? I dreamt you last night, you were full of life. 165

The statue: I am trapped in your claws, I look into the distance, into the sweet temptation of the endless skies. And Im not afraid now because the infinite will be lived for a moment. This is another type of knowledge in which hope takes part. Lost in this endless knowledge I know that I will feel the sufferance diminished by the burning flame of the desire not to exist but to be. The falcon: The desire sends us to the image and the imaginary. Thus, the image becomes a memory when the memory receives an image. The imaginary supposes this type of world, one that is based on a reality frame specific to the universe. The statue: Listen to the universe for a few moments. Listen how the universe is singing: You are my love!; the universe is singing a comforting feeling, a happinessYes, a comforting feeling, happiness, a resignationI know that the falcons death is my death too. The falcon: I know that the silence of the statue is my eternity too Somewhere in time (if it exists) and in space (if it can be perceived) a voice can be heard, a song which mentions some forbidden love between a statue and a falcon. But who was the statue? But who was the falcon? Wasnt the statue in fact the falcon and the falcon the statue? Didnt the words, the experiences belong to the other one? If yes, then the love fulfilled through confession and wasted away through immortality. The other answers are absurd but the absurdity is part of our existence. A love cry, a love song, a meaningful silence, none of these have to be understood they must only be lived. A wrinkle can be noticed on the face of love, a strange thought pierces the horizon of waiting. Could big words be expressed through silence? The memories give birth to an idea: through pleasures and understandings life is accepted to have a new meaning or to be lacking a non-sense.

WHEN YOU LOSE SOMEBODY DEAR

When you lose Somebody Dear you try coyly to keep your forbidden love secret. A stupid mistake! The genius of love lodges inside the intimacy of the being and it should not limit the freedom to express your feelings at all. On the contrary, the confessed love determines a dynamic of the deepest emotions, giving authority to the unique, indispensable moments and creating an infinite diversity of existential forms. When the forbidden love is deep the soul exteriorizes in experiences. Love supposes a dream which modifies the ontological states of the being. When you lose Somebody Dear any word is useless, and those who try to comfort you cannot replace the life that you used to have; therefore, 166

no near future can bring back the joy of that bygone love. Different languages and artificial explanations which are useless try to comfort the soul that loved and still loves. The memories create a time which you would like to repeat itself at least once; you would like an instant when at least once to admit that you have loved and to promise yourself another beginning. When you lose Somebody Dear everything becomes eternity. The way in which the love fades away in eternity no longer matters. Every pretext is useless as the separation from the loved person caused an emotional suicide simultaneously. It is alleged that there is no life when there is no love, ambition and resignation. It is alleged that there is no death where the life is cancelled through love. Everything is founded on some complicity between ambition and love. In this way, the resignation is also felt. The eternity replaces the immortality but the conversion is also possible: the immortality replaces the eternity. Moreover, any love dynamic tends towards perfection which is however, transcendent to the rational. But this specific type of love is threatened all the time by the image of a terrible dream, that is: the love lost because of the love itself. When you really care about somebody you do not want to accept the power of death. Furthermore, you think you can fight death itself. The fear is within yourself and you think you can master it. LOVE helps you and it is the only one which helps you to overcome an existential crisis like this but it is also the one which makes you suffer when you break off with Somebody Dear. Lost in the silence of resignation the conscience cancels the rational. Also, life means death penalty and death means the nonbeing. Thus the idea is that a soul cannot survive without pain if it lived for some time near another soul that it loved and which is already in a different world, the world of resignation. The nonbeing brings about resignation and it turns the being into stone. At its turn the resignation brings about sufferance and the sufferance in order to get rid of the self refers to forgiveness. But none of these brings back the being that has been near you once, Somebody Dear, the being whom you discussed with once, you laughed, you cried, and why not you debated the contradictions of life and death. As for forgiveness, where is it, what role does it play in all these? The soul, the soul is here everywhere, its where it should be, it exists. What about the others? Where are they? Somewhere around here, looking and thinking and feeling the pain at the same time; at the same time, the others are trying to feel the love too. But everything changes and becomes a moment. A bygone moment! A moment which will remind of another one but one which ended somewhere, some time. The others are sentenced to sufferance, forgiveness, prayer, hope, life but also death. You look at the one who is no longer here, and the crazy, crazy thoughts run somewhere, in the time that passed, they start to bring about tears, sufferance, pain. The tears make the sufferance of the soul easier, the sufferance supposes the pain 167

awareness and the pain gives birth to hidden tears into the way of being. Gradually, as the lapse of time is getting deeper and more intense you start to shudder, to shout. But who is listening to you? Death expresses the significance of life, as life expresses the brutal force of death. Its no use talking about humanism in these moments. Only then does a pale image of consolation offer a bygone memory. You have to be human with the one that is humane with you; you have to be humane with the system to which you belong, too. If the system is not capable of offering you humaneness and immortality then you only have to fight against it in the name of an idealistic humanism and a sacred immortality. Indeed, this fight expresses the supreme condition of adjusting to a new way of living. If the world changes or becomes the same then the new appeared humanism should be taken into consideration, too. At the same time the idea of the immortality of subjectivity should not be ignored. In other words, the illusion has to be accepted as a new type of resignation. The illusion reminds of the spirit reality but also of love. In this way, the essence of love has to overcome its cryptic dimension of not daring to requite it. To love and be jealous of it at the same time. To love it as something normal and express your jealousy because it can abandon you any time for the otherness. Love is a form of jealousy encoded in an affective experience of the soul. Jealousy is a form of hidden love which betrays the passion of soul. The present is the one that counts and not the future; the future counts when you dream, and the present helps you to accomplish the dream. Whereas love and jealousy transfer through(in) the dream the tumult of the thought and the soul. Through(in) the dream the pain does not become real. The pain should not be caused to the people around but only accepted and understood. The sufferance only has to be lived but not aroused. But if it is, it must be left to manifest itself until it dies out. But the lack of sufferance points out a misunderstanding even in its own manifestation. Whats missing now to the soul is the non-despair. That is why, at this moment the best solution is the revolt against the existence. In fact a trivial and without originality trial! The separation from Somebody Dear leads to a new attitude. You miss Somebody Dear so much that the people around you simply do not count anymore. The escape into the bygone memories is like a comfort to the tormented by pain soul. You cannot accept that the unavoidable happened, you cannot accept that your love is far away from you. A clash feeling turns the being upside down when it separates from Somebody Dear. Thanks to the imaginary, the subjectivity flees into memories and illusions. The modifications of the harmonious reality render a meaningless, monotonous world. Its silence reveals the necessity of resignation. A certain instability is present at the level of that particular reality. The structural transformations of what used to be full of life depict another type of relationship with the universe. The impossibility as a decisive form of resignation intensifies the 168

pain and the acceptance. At the same time the helplessness wipes away any trace of affectivity willing to manifest at the level of existence. This paradox underlines the constraint of the manifestation freedom by the necessity laws. Never does the instant fly to eternity without the wings of resignation. It is about a balance which demands to be understood in secrecy, a secrecy of the bygone recovery. A non brilliant secrecy which mirrors the genius of the one who has the courage to revolt, of the one who has the courage to cry, to laugh, to wait, to sing, to try to be crazy from the others point of view. Its time for a dance, a dance facing the silence, the eternity. A victory, some would say! Yes, but a victory which costs too much, others would say! Who would care, after all? The waiting instant calls out the grief through the incessant tumult of the soul. When the reasoning goes far away the praise of goodbye must be a priority in the story that is just unfolding, a story which in effect, will be forgotten quite soon. The charm of life disappears once the light of death rises sooner out of the beings desire. This prayer is born out of a repression generated by the injustice present in the instant prior to the nothingness. In addition, a sacrifice imposes itself in a time like this but one that would express the courage of the subjectivity. Here is a courage that brings, some would say, madness! Yes, it is the madness of the concrete willing to throw the lucidity of the comprehension in a secret dance. The dance brings the regret besides the resignation. Therefore, the discomfort which is born out of the fall reduces the reality to the instability. Furthermore, the rational constructions symbolize the infant joy of the certainty. Thus, when the illusion and the hope come together the lofty act becomes speculation. All in all, the courage vanishes by causing and becoming aware of the frustration and the metaphysical creation places the absolute to the limit of diversity. The insoluble charm of the irrational captures the dance of the spirit gradually. Beyond the fall, there is the accomplishment, the light, the rise: the accomplishment of the resignation, the light of regret, the rise of the spirit. The abandonment penalty calls for the wandering subjectivity in the existence. Any form of experience is terrifying when the dim aspects of reality acquire significance in an effort of making the reality objective. The same old issue of believing in something superior brings a change of the reason process. In this way, the mimetic structure of the reality leads to the conservation instinct alteration. Thus, the profane becomes primordial in the process of existence and can only be realized by adopting a certain attitude of carelessness. Indiscreet emotions and crazy thoughts transform any form of spirituality because the role of the torture is associated to the image of abhorrence. The disease of those who love each other: the emotional perfectionism. To be perfect in emotions! To place reason in the heart and become confused by the gesture of the unpredictable! The frenzy of the reasoning releases an emotional 169

force which through its numerous manifestations expresses contagious prejudices! To be perfect in your way of reasoning! Superb moments, wonderful wanderings, the times which will come, love! If life has to be sung in a whisper, love has to be uttered in a gesture. The beauty of the soul can be seen in the purity of a look. The beauty of love can be seen in the purity of a gesture. The nobleness of the beauty reaches its peak through the courage of the subjectivity to imagine a dream in which the hope resists in time. The dream also brings emotions which wait to become concrete. It is all about knowing what you want and HOW you want something from you and then from life, from the others, from eternity. The whiteness of light becomes the prayer of the existence: other masks become visible; to love the one beside you by being detached, to hate him/her lovingly; techniques and rewards can be sensed in the battles waged by the incurable sinners. Should the crazy thought be decoded with the patience of a person who lives a calm life? Could the ignorants desire lead to delirium? To reach the stars, to be a star, to feel the desire, to wish for the achievement, to feel the helplessness and to keep hoping! To feel the smell of flowers burnt by the flame of love! To experience the deep love! Wandering in these spiritual dimensions does nothing but create a frantic atmosphere, a last breath. The hemorrhage of visions unchains the chaos allowing it to assert itself. The dying mans agony leads to a funeral march of the existence. This march is accompanied by drunkenness where the scent of tulips, roses and lilies penetrates into this really wonderful ending. The demise of this world emphasizes a perspective where everything is so far away. When you lose Somebody Dear the wind of forgetfulness sets all around. There used to be a statue, a statue used to love, a statue preferred the loneliness by resigning. One forbidden love is sleeping beside her. A falcon is resting forever

DANCING FACE TO FACE WITH DEATH

The tears are not forbidden to the sad souls. The road to timelessness leads to the other world door where the reconstruction of eternity is attempted. We always create symbols, plan systems, resign in the abyss of pseudoscience being in contact with the hypocrisy, snobbishness, stupidity. The reason must leave room to the emotions which place life at a superior position. When dancing face to face with death you are in fact laughing at your own eternity, at the conscience of your own nothingness. The dance supposes a joy which brings in fact the unloading of the soul; but 170

the dance also involves emotion, sadness; dancing face to face with death means, in fact, trying to fight to counterattack the things which will only remain a memory. The life is only an instant where the hypostases of the being show the indolence is wrecked. The tears of death lead to resignation, and the sadness can hide a smile, a smile of resignation. But the resignation supposes an affective state, an unconfessed emotion. The emotion brings the depth of soul, and the bravery of the reason brings the impossibility of living in the illusory real world. In this way, the resignation represents the final form of illusion. The decay of sincerity is present in every being after all. The decay of sincerity doesnt even need to be realized. The decay of sincerity reduces the happiness to a game of disappointment where the positive experiences predominate. In fact, the positive experiences bring the sufferance really easily because they end up in accomplishments. The accomplishment does not need the evolution. The decay of sincerity rejects the game of life by emphasizing the ridicule. How many suicides gave up their life in an original way? After all, this originality (the passing into nothingness) is similar to the perspective that some call the pathological point of view. Thus, it could be very well said that a suicide does not need originality (the originality builds itself from the experience of the otherness), he only wants to pass into another world and to do that as soon as possible. Some would be tempted to label this strategy as pathological but only if it looked for the originality of this way. In this way, what is called life must turn into a pleasant silence of the eternity, its shout being known through the epitaph and the obituary. The soul decides the decoding of its own personality through confession. The death is the feeling of guilt specific to this life. But one can make mistakes in life, and then the wonderful feeling of death appears; you want to escape, to save yourself but you do not succeed; and you only have to resign. Moreover, the resignation leads to death finally, so it is better to fight death with death. After all, there is a risk here, and the risk does not have to be accepted but lived. The discretion can bring the subjective guilt and the bitter taste becomes a certainty. The incapacity to be superior to your own person means, in fact, a suicide waiting to become concrete. The hate leads to suicide. To beg suicide means to hate at somebodys order, a hate coming sometimes from the inherent fear which anticipates the coming of the unwanted and unexplained moment. By means of reflexivity the tension of thoughts takes the objectivity to the helplessness of the otherness, and the potential dignity of the conscience transforms into a vice. The plunge into the shadows of the reflection creates a bright image of death. At this moment, the existential systems are governed with the help of rules which ask for their right to immortality. In effect, this perspective increases the difference among the subjectivities, a situation which draws an ineluctable conclusion as far as a bygone world is concerned. The fight for the worlds possibility offers its 171

component parts a cold perspective where the central element is taken by the statue of death which projects fatalistic visions in the world it dominates. It is a statue that sheds tears always calling out the decay of sincerity in the name of happiness. But this call becomes ridiculous because of the indifference, the non-action of its existential elements turning into a death rattle. That is why the statue should climb down from the pedestal of immortality, it has to try to dance. It has to dance facing death. It is an image that could frighten, by the strange way it is expressed but which would give courage to the hopeless ones, as their giving up determines a decay of the self sincerity. Everybody decays when committing suicide: everybody decays when accepting this solution in the passing to another world process sincerely. Anybody can become self sincere and sincere to the others with the help of the courage proved in moments of existential fall to pass in the light of death. And how can anyone do this in the best possible way? It can be done by bringing time forwards, a situation which is similar to living the time subjectively in a much more intense way: by committing suicide. In fact, the resignation when dying is after all another type of suicide as it supposes acceptance; you accept the idea of dying; and accepting this idea means finally to agree with it (albeit a plain explanation!). This is just one perspective. That is why the resignation should come first and then the eternity. However, the unspoilt beauty of the eternity and the strong desire to meet it change the music of life into a wild passion. The blurred forms of the darkness accompanied by the laurels of sadness symbolize the power of the forthcoming moment. The indifference expresses an image that asks its right to concession. The shadows of death dance on a rhythm specific to the loneliness. In effect, the loneliness is the only property that we accept with resignation in life. In addition, the unaccomplished dream leads to disappointment. The helpless fears of those who beg life manifest at limited time intervals. The arrogance and apathy specific to this time show a conspiracy of the gone history, of a history which wants to regenerate through an icy kiss of the eternity. The arms of this history hold the infinite openness of space in a graceful dance. It is the same graceful dance of the same statue, it is the dance of helplessness facing death. The miracle of this dance can be understood as the try of the immobility to become more mobile than it had been prior to the separation. The last thoughts create suggestive images, morbid paradigms where those who do not want to understand and accept reality take refuge in cowardice In the dance facing death any form of expression is accompanied by brutality. The violence of death comes from a strong suggestion generally, and those that take part in this ritual are totally convinced that they only have to obey a moral duty. In this way, a decay symptom fills the being with a feeling of fear. The victory and the innocence acquire value by being indifferent. If any decay form were accepted then the resignation would have those traits specific to a religious 172

feeling. It is about building a new moral system, effective, some would believe, based more explicitly on an adolescent ideology. Its challenging aspect transforms gradually into mere obsolete opinions. The uselessness of any philosophy is determined by the absence of responsibility. The incessant revolt willing to build a philosophical system does nothing but hit against nullity. The history of reasoning is almost impossible to understand unless the destructive ideas of the systems which once existed in a certain social cultural space are taken into consideration. The courage to deal with death, to show your irony represents nothing but a necessary show off appeared after becoming aware of an initiating revelation. The world is made up of meanings. The desperate image of the revolt frees the senses of loneliness, and the sadness represents the fervor of contempt and the transcendent nothingness. The versatility of ideas reflects the authenticity of the contempt. The adventure of the subjectivity in your own dream ends when the need for profoundness (through an excessive form of reasoning) becomes fanatic. The limits of this image do nothing but reduce the self interest to non-sense. Therefore, the subtlety of the epitaph present on the tomb in front of which the dance of death is going shows the useless waste of what was once called life. The dance on the deathbed supposes the presence of an epitaph where the freedom of nihilism expresses through the dispersion of the being. In this way, the true living is nothing but a guilty conscience and the thought is the source of intense interior experiences The obsession lived intensely cancels the affective state and the thought caresses the autumn of the soul. The beauty of the morning grows into a splendid night where the desire not to give any satisfaction to life is the most bearable reality. The terrible shudder of sadness proves that there will be no tomorrow as leaves may also fall in spring. Leaves are falling on the new tomb and on them the scorching tears of the statue. The throbbing pace creates a moment which once will be only a memory that brings the sweet thrills of immortality. Is it about immortality or eternity?

SOMETHING ELSE
The waste of years brings evening stars in the bright nights. Their rays know the tumult of the subjectivity. Maybe, that is why at certain moments the resignation is the one that decides the normal course of the existence. Maybe, that is why the ambition is the one that decides the destiny of the subjectivity. We call vague destinies what we cannot understand; but the moments that we

173

call destinies are vaguer. We roam at the dusk of what we like to call life, being, existence, eternity, non-being etc. If there is a destiny then the enthusiasm, the intuition and the good humor suppose a metaphysics of exactness. The beauty of this supposes liberation, but also deliberation. Still these lead to the dream. What a weird dream life is, a dream that brings the emotion of touch. A dream where time stopped being a recidivist. In spite of this, the dream is not forbidden in a world of innocence where the soul belongs to the non-action, to the fallen statue. Moreover, the dream does not have to imprison the one that it has just given birth to, a falcon that had the courage to dream. The stone soul used to be a flower born out of the dust, the ashes and the tears of a statue, the stone soul used to be a flower born out of the flight, the fall and the tears of a falcon. Some fallen petals, scattered on the tomb remind of one forbidden love, others withered a long time ago and almost rotten bring the natural course of nature to the present memory. A flower is beautiful when it is smiling; it becomes special when its tears express sorrow, regret, sufferance, all born out of love. When a flower is crying it means that its soul is trying to remain where it was born. Its soul is trying to remember but the memories are talking and they hurt. It misses that which somewhere, sometime came alive: one forbidden love. It misses it so much, it does not know if such love will ever come back. A thought and a memory flash by at this moment, the thought of destroying itself forever, of ever feeling the emotion and the memory of one deep love. And still, one cannot do without pain, one could not conceive the beauty and the memory without tears; new, grey thoughts are looming in the deserted universes; the teleological love can only terminate what it once started, that is a dream. In a dream the death smiles and you smile back at it... Its force attracts the being like a magnet. There is an untold complicity between the thought and the universe. An icy look allows the sleep of eternity to get the life. The warm kiss of death expresses a justification of the fact that the forbidden love, the first true love will never be forgotten. To reach the dream means to believe in Vernichtung. Despite all these, the spirit should not be stopped in its playfulness. In life, though, you can turn on the restart button. Still, it can be done with one condition: to settle things down with the past and the present; it is useless thinking about the future (although it depends on subjectivity), as everything comes from itself. There are some pages of time that will manage never to be leafed through, because everything means at this moment something else. Something else supposes something else. Something special? To involve in the monotony and save yourself through boredom from the authenticity of the compromised moments. If there is an awareness of non-action (to do nothing special), then you may betray yourself by giving up the will to exist. But the lack of originality of this will brings forth resignation, a decay of sincerity. 174

The courage to be sincere, by the innocence of the many forms of expressions supposes at its turn a decay, but a decay predestined and diminished somehow by the attitude of the being facing the ridicule. Nowadays, everybody denies, abjures the otherness built artificially. Thus, it is about giving up, refusing, being frustrated. Out of pity for the other one, but also out of fear of not accomplishing something, everything is compromised. To throw blows at your destiny and fly through the abyss created by the unknown wave. Under these circumstances, the responsibility brings the shudder of your own being. It watches the essence that sends to the existence. But at the same time, it symbolizes the existence through the essence. The virtuosity of the spirit leads to states that some explain scientifically using in this way rational speculations. Why having such an attitude? Because the fear leads to the pretext and the pretext can cause disappointments. From disappointments is the reality often built and out of disappointments the success reaches its peak. Life becomes beautiful as soon as the contextuality is an issue. The dead is even more beautiful if the drunkenness caused by the sweet-bitter potion of life remains embedded in the memories of those who still have the power to be. But when the latter also become aware of the impossibility of being then everything is nothingness. The obsessive interrogation is the one that brings forth impossible to understand issues. Are you ok? is a question that belongs to the universal language, an interrogation understood by anyone, a concept in which the sacredness of being is introduced (some would consider this situation an exaggeration- as if I cared). Je men fiche! The connotations show the versatility of the tumult of reasoning. Something else than what expresses the meaning. To collect meanings and significances out of obsessive thoughts! To keep secret the attempt to love truly, but to say it aloud to those who love each other! Having the deepest feeling-love- at the level of the existence involves an easy-going freedom of expression of the subjectivity. The responsibility of such a subjectivity is conceived by relating it to the world it belongs. The vitality and longevity of deep love depend on posing a magic influence that is, on the degree of affectivity invested by the subjectivity. It is about a domination, but also about a reciprocal exploitation of those who love each other, the goal is to manipulate any form of love which could manifest at the existential level. Moreover, the deep love fascinates by the force it transmits the subjectivity. In other words, during this affective process one could see a fight between these two forms of attitude, both born out of love: resignation and ambition. A continuous time is based on a moment that sends to the conflict. An interior struggle determines the presence of ambition. At this point the subjectivity imposes itself to overcome the limit envisaging the impossible. Therefore, everything must be taken to the limit or even beyond. The need itself to be as high as possible supposes something else as well. A satisfaction which 175

requires sacrifices becomes concrete only based on this perspective, that of the dream. Besides the fact that the dream ensures the journey to a possible world, it can travel at its turn to alternative universes. The labyrinth through which the dream travels expresses the restlessness and the shudder of the being. Unable to make any gesture it resigns eventually. However, it is tempted to accept the existence. The traveling thought takes refuge in the wilderness of the helplessness where any type of symbolism is trapped forever. A kind of black hole of the eternity, where from the hope will only be able to get out by totally canceling the force generated by the resignation. A last try, a lot of thoughts, a dream can be seen in the distance, a dream is born somewhere, where the future can be reached. A logic conclusion cannot always sustain the validity of the reality. Should the sacredness be considered as an exaggeration of the reality? The unique, sacred fluid of the being and its honest chastity towards a promised world that belongs to another dimension have to do with a bravery which devaluates the modesty of the otherness. The representation of the ambition constitutes a dimension which is governed by the possibility. That is why, the subjectivity hopes to be able to understand the necessity of the resignation. Through ambition the resignation receives another meaning. It is exactly this antinomy between ambition and resignation that justifies this idea. Therefore, such a supposition creates problems at the level of representations which relate to different levels of understanding. In this way, certain representations express a certain way of perception by means of which the problem subordinates to the justifications which the reasoning itself creates. These representations are special cases of the subjective experience by which the ambition replaces the resignation and the other way round, the resignation replaces the ambition. It is about a silent understanding meant to solve in an elegant and diplomatic manner the problem of the existential anxieties. Yet, the offence that the despair makes to the subjectivity leads to the suffocation and cancellation of the ambition. Thus, it is in this situation that the beneficial role of the resignation is noticed. The latter through the cunning that it proves intensifies the interior feelings forcing them to come out. And this process consequently, arouses the ambition out of its sleepy state where it has just escaped. There is a certain thing, though: the ambition and the resignation differentiate through the principledness that the subjectivities prove. A true emulation is visible in this process. The force of ambition brings the manifestation of an obsessive thought in the presence of a law which determines the different interpretations on reality. Thus, a phenomenon almost pathological happens by which a conventional kind of correspondence between goal and ambition is created at an existential level. Hence a symbolic image of a possible reality. The ambition gives the opportunity 176

to know the world (how dangerous the concept itself of world can be!) which is full of meanings. Thus, the world is invaded by cause-effect relations. With the help of resignation and ambition the existence does everything in its best to fit the dimensions of a pragmatic understanding. In other words, as long as the issue on the subjectivityexistence relationship is obvious, the new way of perception and representation must not be neglected. Taking everything into account, it could be asserted that any pragmatic paradigm accepted by the subjectivity justifies a certain perspective of understanding the reality, and also ensures the presence of the plausible. These connections express, in effect, the necessity of having some criteria of eligibility by which the attitudes and discursive practices specific to the subjectivity could be supported. It is about a pragmatism which does not depend only on the interpretations given on the reality but also on the way the resulted paradigm proves useful on the one hand and on the other hand on the possible world where that certain paradigm can become concrete. But this perspective sustains a kind of imaginary which could make an error as far as the application of a paradigm is concerned. Nonetheless, to admit the existence of alternative universes, of possible worlds does not mean that a theory, a solution, respectively, can be correct in any possible world, no matter which it was, but rather that the theory, the solution respectively, can be accepted only in one and only world or even in none (and this despite the fact that the theory, the solution respectively, prove useful only at the level of idealization, and here it is obvious the presence of reduction which enjoys a certain scientifical success from an interpretational point of view). The total separation from the existence cancels the existence itself. Becoming aware of this natural phenomenon excludes the possibility of establishing another way of being than the one that exists currently. Still, this awareness supposes something else. The purest experience that remains after this separation is given by the impossibility of understanding the affinity. The interpretations are the ones that somehowrescue and comfort the curiosity and the anxiety.

A DROP OF CYANIDE IS ENOUGH FOR LOVE, FOR FRIENDSHIP

When the conscience scolds you, you have nothing to do but enjoy the vomiting of disgust from a drop of cyanide. A drop of cyanide is enough for love, for friendship, for enmity, for anything that makes the soul turn to stone. This is the only way to reach a poor level of existence. The carelessness of the existence creates agitation. 177

The rain of sighs depicts the time, the memory, the eternitythe noises of the eternity remind of the taste of blood which flows through the newly fallen white lilies, a new idolatry is searched and found; the tulips are also scattered on the unstable tomb, and the roses throw their petals on the past that has just consumed itself The memories flow and the shadows resulted from a brightness specific to the light of madness undulate in the puddle of the newly shed tears. Everything seems too perfect! Something, though, is not in harmony with a certain state by which the will turns into an illusion. That is why the subjectivity needs perfusions of indifference. How is it possible, when you see that everything is perfect, to complain about the imperfections of life? It is interesting that the madness, the schizophrenia, the disease especially do nothing but put a constraint on you, limit your being. The certainty of this situation emphasizes in fact the grimaces of the uncertainty. The most loyal friendship implies the perfect enmity. The friendship derives from unfulfilment and deep sufferance. The lack of something that cannot be defined is filled with friendship. This feeling is born out of illusion finding its place in the sad being. The burden of friendship is bearable as long as the one beside you pretends to understand the bitterness of the soul. Such a behavior merges with the madness of the otherness. To give in to madness, to persevere, to roam on the eternity properties, all these prove a cancerigenic evolution of the spirit. The outburst of nobleness of the soul is expressed through the otherness. The conformism of being nice mimes the pity and the tears at present. This is only a ridiculous model of survival, a model by which the morality turns into an existential ruin. The sensitiveness for absurdity symbolizes, in fact, the urge to give up meant to poison the beauty of the dream. The unchangeable reality leads to the appearance of the barren superstition in a world suffocated by a flattering world. Making a moral system at the level of the existence cancels the possibility of choice. Thus, unseparated from the illusion the being takes refuge in unconfessed guilt, preferring to save itself through a boycott of the profane. The despair that it proves is real however, and involves the weakness of the prejudices. Because of this a reassessment of the morality is compromised forever. In this kind of existence the irreversibility proves its sincerity. Any form of survival is inefficient. The sterility of the weakness of the being rivals with a certain mad deficiency of understanding. In this way, the useless intelligence of those who want to be among the great wise men gives its opinion against the absolute. The latter trapped in the vulgarity of their own destiny show their nave pride on the horizon of the despotism. The gravity of intolerance that they display unconsciously does nothing but bring their end quicklier. As if somebody could not care less! The enmity derives from the understanding of the feeling of friendship. This reality subjected, in fact, to the sacrifice reduces to the subjective experience of the eternity. The 178

universality of this phenomenon uses up the force of any subjectivity which succeeds in being aware of such an experience. The clarity of the eternity destroys the expressiveness of normality. That is why an unavoidable meditation on the existential obscurity must be accepted without any resistance. Such an apocalyptical image shakes any form of paroxysm, any ecstasy experienced in order to forget the thought of death. The deep sadness manages to change the joy into contempt and the hope into regret. Considered ridiculous the existence hides the sigh of the world and the gentle song of the eternity but also the dance leading to the instant which will never be perceived again. Laziness and boredom of the being betray a duplicitous mode of existence. This way of surviving wipes from the subjectivity conscience any existential determinative. Wandering in a world of disappointment does nothing but add a little monotony to the drowsiness of your own destiny. This terrible image preserves the stone-still mask of the subjectivity. The desire to revenge unleashes on the shaky existence. Moreover, in this exaltation the amazing and frightening curiosity leads at the same time to exasperation and burning delirium. The exasperation contaminates the being with haunted by frustrations fears. Their intensity expresses the fall of subjectivity in the vacuum of helplessness. This fall sensation charms the illusion forms that appear in the existence out of disgusting images. The surprise of destiny resides in its capacity to invent solutions in order to avoid precisely this vice of existence. This image that suggests the imperfection of reality brings praises to the reasoning, which in the end proves full of tempting flatteries and petty cowardice. The burning delirium gives vain hopes to the thought that dares look at the future. Plunging into a dream proves the existence of farces at the level of any type of initiative. It is exactly this deficiency that projects the subjectivity into the possibility, and this passage transforms the sigh of the destiny. The isolation into the infinity betrays a deep passion towards the endless loneliness. The ironic smile of the eternity captures the entire universe of the conscience, its vitality. To place yourself in the vastness of the dream supposes being aware of the impossibility of surviving before any unpredictable form. Thus, the temptation of a universe, where the prostitution of memories carries the being towards an excessive reasoning, is the one that fascinates through its lack of scruple. In spite of all these the existence of a universe where something else is allowed represents a gain for the subjectivity when the tears of the soul crystallizes the sensibility. Its necessity gives the contradiction the possibility of manifesting, a full of dramatization but also of happiness contradiction. Participating in the destiny of such a world places the infinity in the eternity. In this way, the extravagance of the eternity is enough to be admired and blessed. The harshness of the 179

sacrifice degenerates in tolerance. Moreover, the kindness will be the consequence of any absurdity. Where do the metaphysical indifferences begin or end? A true horrifying disaster looms to the subjective anxieties. The doubt intersperses this universe with not negligible quantities of ridicule and indifference. Therefore, any intention by means of which one longs for a moment of happiness is doomed to the derision. Floating on the waves of unfulfilment the happiness is wrecked in the end on the mediocrity shore. A victim of superficiality the mediocrity becomes insensible to any form of ambition. Still, not any subjectivity betrays its own nature by taking refuge in its own pity. The glory that accompanies the ambition supposes a full of dignity resignation before the eternity. Such a reaction prevents the separation of the being from itself. The aspirations of the subjectivity do not end where the nihilism becomes dangerous. On the contrary, the perseverance gathers the crops when the kindness is not accessible to anyone present in such a competition. The regret that certain principles are not respected justifies more or less the fact that one must do everything in his/ her power to obtain the victory. However, as some things prove in certain situations to be more important than the victory, the same to wage a war according to your own rules proves more efficient than to respect its rules. Thus, to have the mentality of a winner and always be above the others means to expose yourself to a double danger: on the one hand to the one that involves cultivating a pride that eventually leads to your own destruction and on the other hand, that of showing the hate and envy of the helpless ones. The sympathy that the being shows towards the eternity gives satisfaction to the immutable and inert moments. Relating to the transcendence, the subjectivity succeeds in being saved by creating a correspondence between the possibility and the sacredness. This form of manifestation emphasizes a complete result by turning the intentionality concrete in the possible worlds. That is why, a drop of cyanide is enough for love or friendship

EPITAPH
You life, forgive the eternity of death as only one thought conjures the regret by resigning before the present. Flying away, charmed by the smile of the eternity, the shade of silence throws tears of fire on the newly grown flowers on the fresh tomb. The leaves have been grey for some time now. In fact, there is only grey and ash. In effect, the vague destinies represent a waste, splendor of what will soon no longer be. The beauty of a day which will no longer be day, the 180

mystery of night which will not last, these two basic complementarities express a tolerable reluctance. I believed in you life so much and you abandoned me for the non existence of the body! I trusted your optimism so much and you gave me the ontological pessimism! Your running created an unseen flight specific only to a secrecy. The flight of the soul from the body caused pain and resignation, expressing peace and tears, bringing silence and loneliness, giving poverty but also wealth, fetching memory and forgetfulness, offering hate and love! Which is in fact the guarantee of eternity? Is something like this necessary? I miss you life! You, the one which showed me what ambition is, you, the one which offered me love, you, the one which made me taste the resignation potion. Why did you leave me? Here in eternity, my non existence is crying, it wants something else but not the end. I wanted a grave where tulips, lilies, roses always to grow. But the time proved mercy, kindness, tolerance only when it wanted to show its own existence. The time plunged me into eternity, it was the one which offered me the most beautiful flowers but also it took them away from me. However, instead of tulips, lilies and roses that enchanted somewhere, sometime the souls who dared to love, there began to grow forget-me-nots, created and meant to fight with time, resignation, love. And still, I cannot judge you, dear life, because you left me, I simply regret that the beautiful moments that you offered me have consumed, have passed at an amazing speed and everything died out sooner than I could have imagined. I will never forget the splendor of the bygone moments and the mystery of the past, I will never forget the ambition and the resignation, I will never forget Somebody Dear, the soul of the one whom I offered all my love, I will not forget the breath of wind and the wonderful flight, I will not forget and I will not allow the emotion, the joy and the happiness to waste away. I also know that here in eternity I still have the right to dream, to desire, to love. I know that a wonderful story that started somewhere, sometime is not over yet. It was born out of a boundless ambition and a magic, deep love.

OBITUARY
In the shameless madness of the concrete which comes from a world of the presence, the waltz of the spirit shows the road to eternity desperately calling out: Hope, but also freedom!. It is the way to philosophy and the thought betrays a great joy; now, a theory different from the normal one follows its own thinking which is already trivial. Here, only a strong heart can get, when the 181

fire of death burns the water of life, and the indolence which thinks that it knows everything even the unthinkable, stares at a tear dropping in the abyss. Then another one drops, and another one, then a bloody one, the ineffable stream flowing which a destiny shows. And so gradually, a graceful dance appears, a warm kiss of death ex nihilo rises. Place as soon as possible forget-me-nots, tulips, roses and lilies on my grave but also do not forget to write an obituary, will you? And may everything remain only symbol, love, philosophy. Farewell or let us meet when time will tell!

THE TESTAMENT
When In the beginning the interrogation What does it mean to do philosophy passionately? offers a Perspective on silence but also an Involution specific to a form of existence, which creates a dimension where One Stone Love tries to justify a Reality. How is a falcon born? How does a falcon die? It is written in the stars that birth and death experience One Forbidden Love and When you lose somebody dear everything becomes meaningless. Thus when Dancing face to face with death the moment becomes an irony, it is Something else, a world that begins somewhere in the past. That is why, A drop of cyanide is enough for love, for friendship and on each ones tomb an Epitaph should be in the memory of an Obituary. All these through a Testament! Persavosentloschecalcosventiuno!

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