WHO IS R TYLER, AND HOW HAS HE EXPERIENCED JESUS?

COPYRIGHT JANUARY 14, 1996; Revised 1/7/2004; 05/13/09 All rights reserved. by R. L. Tyler oldservant@gmail.com, oldservant8@aol.com; Jabez1Chr4@hotmail.com This file, in its entirety, may be posted on or copied off of computer networks like Internet or WWW by anyone so inclined AS LONG AS IT IS NOT CHANGED. Dear Daughters, It is popular nowadays to talk about personal miracles and angel experiences. Christmas is such a miracle of Love. During this Christmas miracle time,I would like to share with you some of the miracles and angel experiences God used to keep your old daddy alive long enough to allow you girls to be born. I never meant to be such a handful for God, but I seem to have a knack for it. So bear with me and consider what God did to let you be born, to have the gift of Life so you too could experience, know, have and give the gift of Love. #1 DELIVERED FROM ELECTROCUTION There was the time when 10 year old me was in the bathroom standing barefoot on a very wet floor. There were two neon lights about 3' long, one on each side of the 3' mirror, running vertical to the floor, and both were turned on. Somehow I slipped and caught my self spread eagle style, putting my left hand through the left neon light and my right hand through the right side neon light. Both neon lights broke and did I get a shock! But not even bad enough to see a doctor (brain damage doesn't count :), and my dear Uncle Joe could only shake his head as he tried to figure out what had happened. #2. DELIVERED FROM SUICIDE I was raised in a home where my dad was an active California supporter of the KKK and White Citizen's Council, who would proclaim loudly at home that Hitler was one of the greatest men that ever lived. He partied and drank with his cronies when both Kennedys and Dr. ML King were killed. He hated Jews, Catholics, AfroAms, Mexicans -- almost anyone who wasn't WASP. He was from a factory working family in Missouri. My mom was an abused, neglected and sexually exploited Ohio farm girl who looked like the young Mary Tyler Moore and whose

prejudice ran like this -- "You can go to school with them, work with them, go to church with them, live next door to them, but never date or marry one." My dad was a functioning social drinking alcoholic, and was addicted to porn, so porn was hidden in many places in the house. By the 4th grade I was becoming sexually addicted through the National Geographic magazines pictures of topless African women and nude South American Indians. Between National Geographic (National Pornographic according to my students) and my dad's porn my sexual orientation was completely integrated with a full blown appetite for all women irrespective of race and ethnicity before the age of 12. I was twelve years old and I had just begun the seventh grade in San Diego, California, September 1953) I was almost 5' 10" tall and weighed about 140 lbs. and I had a pretty bad record in the community. I had a "D" average for grades K - 6 but was never flunked because the teachers knew I could do the work if I wanted to do it. I was spanked at least each month by the principal for misconduct and I was either suspended or expelled each semester starting with the fourth grade through the sixth grade. In the seventh grade I had a "C-" average with a lot of "D's" in conduct and I was getting into trouble with the girls. I committed a couple of nonviolent felonies but was never caught. I was miserable, confused, lonely and horny as could be, already sexually addicted, relationship starved and headed for real trouble. I had been kicked out of my church's youth group because I kept on breaking up the meetings by goofing off and clowning around. I believed in God and the Bible, but I sure didn't know Him personally and I figured He was unhappy with me like everybody else. I figured, at 12, that there was no Love in the world, that every body only had user unfriendly conditional love, selfish love, and I decided I didn't want to live in a world where there was no Love. I didn't believe there was any Love on earth and for sure I didn't believe that my mom and dad loved me. My mom was so desperate to salvage her first born son that she decided to force me to go to the church's

September Palomar camp in hope of a miracle. On the way to Palomar on the church bus, I decided that since there was no Love on earth, I would either jump off Laurel St. Bridge in Balboa Park or join the local street and motorcycle gang, drinking, smoking marijuana and fooling around with the girls until I got killed like some I knew. That night at camp I saw people doing something I had never seen before, i.e. consistently and sincerely Loving on each other sincerely, unselfishly and joyfully. I wanted what they had desperately so I decided I would imitate them so maybe I could fit and they would accept me into their joyful and loving society. I knew what they had was real when I got up that next freezing morning on Mt. Palomar, walked into the men's room and saw guys really joyful and really loving each other, heart to heart and eye to eye -- like a loving and joyous family reunion on a Sunday afternoon. All the more I decided that I wanted what they had and tried to imitate them so I could at least be accepted by them, if I couldn't have what they had. On a noon hike that Saturday I was hanging out on the edge of the group, trying to fit in and catch what they had. I tripped over a Manzanilla root and meant to say "shoot" but said "sheet" instead, and said it loud enough for THEM to hear. I knew that "sheet" was "shit" with a Mexican accent to THEM and I felt I had totally blown my cover and that THEY all now knew that I wasn't really one of them. I believed they saw me for the faker and great pretender that I was. I blew up over that Manzanilla root, kicking it and hitting the bush while verbally overflowing with stuff like "Doggone it! What's wrong with me! I can't do anything right! I always mess up! Just about the time I think I got it right, then I mess up! What the heck is wrong with me!" Now I don't know if she was an angel or not. I never saw her before or after that encounter with the bush. I never got her name. Later when I tried to figure out who she was, I thought that maybe it was a young lady at church who looked a lot like her, but she denied that it was her. Well whoever she was, she came gently over to me as I was kicking the root and hitting the tree and verbally dumping. She quietly stood beside me and asked me if I would like to know why I do things like I was doing, why I mess up. Well you know that I

wanted to know that, because I was sick and tired of messing up, especially after messing up in the presence of the first real joyful and loving people I ever knew. So she asked me to sit down on a big rock over looking Don Valley on Palomar Mt. and she proceeded to explain to me why I messed and how Jesus could still Love a jerk like me, that He wanted a personal and intimate relationship, to be my God and King, my Shepherd and my Deliverer, and to make me a forever son of His Father. For the next three hours she showed me, gently and patiently, how and why Jesus Loved me. I believed Jesus was real, but I sure didn't think that He Loved me. The proof that persuaded me that God not only could but actually did Love me was that Christ died for me, died in my place, took my rap and punishment. I could argue with most other points, but I couldn't deny that Jesus died. Even unbelievers believed Jesus lived and died. To me that was a historical fact that few disputed. So when I saw that I had solid historical evidence that Jesus died, I was ready to seriously consider that just maybe He Loved me enough to really die for me. I respected and believed the Bible, so when she showed me book after book, chapter after chapter, verse after verse that plainly stated that the reason Jesus died (that solid historical fact), was because God so Loved me and the world and because He wanted to Love me as my Father, as Shepherd, as King, as Deliverer in a very intimate and personal relationship, - - - - my eyes began to see, my mind to understand, and my heart wanted that Love. When she showed me why He let them kill Him, that it was His choice, that He died to take my place in the court of Divine Justice------ well she had me. I couldn't deny that he died, and she persuaded that God so Loved me that He sent His only begotten Son to die in my place so that I could be His forever child ---Eureka! Yahoo! Hot dog! I had discovered the Love I was looking for, a Love that I could live for, a Love to give my life to and for. I already believed that He rose from the dead and was coming back. Now I could have a relationship with the GOD who was real, unselfish and compassionate cherishing Love. I believed her, accepted Jesus Christ as my God revealed in a human body, Lord, King, Deliverer and Saviour and got all excited. I told her that I had to check all of this out with the youth sponsor,

Chuck Hill, to make sure that all that she told me was right on. If she were an angel, then I can see why I had to check it out with Chuck, because the Bible makes it plain that soul-winning is the work, not of angels, but of the Spirit and his human servants. After Chuck confirmed everything the woman had told me, I tanked him and went up the other hill side to pray my prayer of thanks, believing, receiving and trusting Jesus as my God and Saviour. I was such a babe I didn't realize that I had been born again as soon as I talked to Chuck, because I believed and had faith in Jesus and His Word as soon a Chuck confirmed it all. I believed and was born again even before I made my big formal acceptance prayer. Talk about a radical life change! Within a month of my 8th grade year (Oct. or Nov.) my grades averaged "B", I was a leader in my church youth group, my school's Bible club (the girls had a hard time believing I had changed), and I determined to do what I could do for my messed up family, especially my mom and dad. I don't know if that young lady was an angel, but I never saw her again at that camp after that three hour talk. I never saw her again anywhere at anytime. Nobody else knew about her. But God used her to keep your Dad from jumping off the Laurel St. bridge or dying with the street and motorcycle gangsters, perhaps so I could be your dad. SEX JESUS AND ME Jesus and I had a beautiful honeymoon of three years after He saved and regenerated me. I went from being a delinquent and sex addict (yes by age 12) to being the Bible club leader at school and youth group leader at my church. Then came Ruth Naomi Bruce. Great Biblical names right? Well her name might as well have been Delilah because one day towards the end of the ninth grade (1955) she wiggled the bait and flirted with me and we struck up a conversation that led to a friendship. Well one day at school she asked me to walk her home, which meant a lovely walk through Balboa Park. She said she wanted to show me something off the road and down among the trees and bushes. In a secluded and private spot she asked me if I knew how to kiss a girl, and how nice it was to do so. I

admitted my lack of experience and said I really didnt know. She asked me if she could show me how to and how nice it was. She was looking so good and smelling so good and was so friendly I accepted her offer. Well before we were finished she had introduced me to necking and petting and the sex monkeywas back on my back after three wonderful years with Jesus. The struggle with sex sin and sexually sinful thoughts and pornography returned with great intensity. I went to my pastor to ask him what to do about it. He was a dear, sincere and godly man who meant well. He told me to read my Bible more, pray more, exercise a lot and take cold showers. I did all of that but I still was losing the battle to control my mind and desires way too often for my own peace of mind in Jesus. I was the typical highly testosteroned adolescent who had great difficulty seeing, smelling and/or touching a good looking girl without being filled with sexual desire and thoughts --- many times througout the day and night. My struggle to resist the temptation of all of my dads porn inthe house was a daily struggle, too often lost. NO ONE told me exactly what heterosexual sex sin was or consisted of except that genital to genital sexual intercourse outside of marriage was sinful. NO ONE showed me from Prov 5 and Ezek 23 with 1 Cor 6 that not only the genitals of a female but also her breasts are to be intimately done and enjoyed ONLY BY HER OWN MAN/HUSBAND. NO ONE showed me from Ezek ch 16 and ch. 23 that it was sinful for me to see, handle and or feel a females genital if she was not my own woman/wife. So for 15 years of my walk with Jesus, of teaching Sunday School, of teaching Daily Vacation Bible School, of leading my churchs youth group, of being a Christian Camp Counselor, of helping missionaries in Mexico, and of working with orphanages in Mexico, I scrupulously and consistently avoided genital to genital contact with my girls, but way too often there was heavy petting and nudity which I enjoyed immensely but about which I was plagued with doubts and a lack of peace --- but I sincerely believed that as long as there was no genital to gential contact I was not sinning. NO ONE told adolescent Christian me that God had a plan for those of His children who were struggling with sex sin and losing too often. Even the King James Version hid Gods

plan from me, with its old English and unclear translation of 1 Cor 7. 1* Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2* Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. . . . . 7 For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man has his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that. 8 I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. 9* But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn. To Christian adolescent and Bible student me and my understanding of let, that passage meant this: 1* Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2* Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, ALLOW every man have his own wife, and ALLOW every woman have her own husband. . . . 9* But if they CANNOT contain, ALLOW them TO marry: for it is better to marry than to burn. Well of course I knew that my pastor and my churches ALLOWED people to marry, especially if they were in need of marital sex. Furthermore I knew that any good Christian CAN CONTAIN since we are told that we CAN DO ALL THINGS, including containing or sexual drives and desires, by Christ who enables us (Phil 2:13; 4:13). Tragically for me and all the wonderful Christian girls I sex sinned with, that is NOT what the Word says. It wasnt until 15 years after Ruth Naomi Bruce that the Spirit used the Greek and clearer translations to enlighten me that marriage is COMMANDED to avoid sex sin, especially when one is struggling to contain and not always succeeding. So finally after these sex snares caused me to stumble, grieve and offend many Christians and caused my first marriage to fail, I came to understand the fuller meaning of 1 Cor 7: ***1Cor7:1 But concerning the things of which ye have written to me: It is good for a man not to be touching a woman; 2 but ON ACCOUNT OF SEX SINS, each one SHOULD BE HAVING his own woman, and each woman SHOULD BE HAVING her own man. . . . 4 It is not the wife, but the husband, who exercises authority over her body; and so, too, it is not the husband, but the wife, who exercises authority over his body.. . 8 But I say to the unmarried and to the widows, It is good for them that they remain [unmarried] even as I. 9 But if they are NOT HAVING CONTINUING CONTROL OF THEMSELVES [to keep from sinning sexually once in a while], THEY SHOULD MARRY; for it is better to marry than to burn.

The SHOULD represents the Greek imperative, which means it is as much a COMMAND TO BE OBEYED as YE MUST BE BORN AGAIN that a married couple be having each other, and that the one who fails to keep COMPLETE CONTROL of himself is COMMANDED BY GOD TO MARRY. Finally I learned that His solution for avoiding sex sin and for those too often loosing the battle against sex sin and temptations --- is not more Bible reading, more praying, a lot of exercise with cold showers. Finally I learned that MARRIAGE is His solution for avoiding sex sin and for those too often loosing the battle against sex sin and temptations. Finally I learned that when under His command to marry I should marry any willing godly and Spirit filled mate He provides and about whom I have no godly doubts (Rom 14:22 - 15:5), without waiting until some Christian comes along who meets all my preferences and/or requirements. RACE, JESUS AND ME My Jr. and sr high schools (1953 -1958) were integrated. Since Jesus was my role model and I considered God my Father, I knew right away that racism and hatred were sins before God and a large part of my parent's sickness. I had friends of every race and nationality by the life changing work of Jesus in my life. I was still contaminated by my parent's bigotry and the pressures to conform to my peers enough to believe that I should Love and be kind to all people, but EuroAms should never date or marry an AfroAm or MexAm woman. The first time I ever saw a real live AfroAm woman as a sexually desirable female that I wanted to know personally and intimately was when my running buddy, AfroAm Betty Pryor, IMPRESSED me with her femininity. Betty and I sat next to each other in our high school 1957 French class and were the class clowns, passing notes, goofing off and generally driving the teacher to distraction. I never thought of her as a sex object/person but we were best buddies in class. Then one day we all were acting stupid and tried to all get out the door at the same time. Betty and I were together and the fronts of our bodies were firmly pressed onto each others' body. Betty's AMPLE breasts were FIRMLY pressed across my chest and Betty and I were face to face. My reaction caused Betty to almost fall down laughing as she tried to go on to her

next class, because as soon as I realized that I was getting a "royal boob press" my mouth fell wide open, my eye almost popped out and I froze like that outside the door and in the hall---as if in shock and my bodys reaction embarrassed me. I had never thought of her sexually but I had to and did then. All I could do was stagger toward my next class, shaking my head in a daze, trying to process what had just happened. I must have looked drunk or drugged (we had marijuana back then) but I didn't care because I wanted to understand what had just happened. I couldnt figure it out and put it on a figure out later list in my mind. After that Betty and i were still clown partners, but now I saw her as a woman and she enjoyed teasing and tempting me. I went into my parents' "Look but don't touch" rule and mode when it came to AfroAm women. I was hypocritically dating EuroAms and/or trying to date Asians, "discretely" (for sinful fear of social pressures) dating MexAm girls, but I couldn't bring myself to "cross the line" and date AfroAm girls discretely or otherwise -- until 1964 and Elea Gray of Altadena. So in high school we all just stayed friends and goofed off together. Even though saved in Jesus I was still snared in some of the racist and sinful beliefs and thinking of my parents -- until 1964 and Elea Gray of Altadena.. #3 DELIVERED FROM ELECTROCUTION AND HERBICIDES Then there was the time my dad told me to cut the electric wire with the all metal scissors and bare hands (no insulation at all). I asked if the current was off and he said he had turned it off. Well he hadn't and instead of me getting the shock of my life, the current just blew as 3/16ths" hole through the cutting blade of the steel scissors and killed the fuse. My dad and I could hardly believe what we saw. The San Diego Union-Tribune reported on 07/25/09 that "there may be a link between exposure to the defoliant Agent Orange and other herbicides . . . and an increased chance of developing serious heart problems and Parkinson's disease, according to . . . the [VA's] Institute of Medicine . . ." In 1960 my mother sent me to Ohio for the summer,and my hero, Bob Shaw, sent me to the familys bottom landto clear trees away from the border of the corn field, using anherbicide on the stumps of the cut trees to keep kill them to keep them from growing back. So for about two months, at least fourhours a day, Monday through Friday, my hands were covered with the tree killing herbicide. After about two months while

working in the bottom land, I went blind. All I could see wasbright white --- a white out like being in a blizzard. I wasvery frightened because I was all alone in the bottom with noone to help, no one to hear my cries for help, and who knows what kind of animals were around me. I cried out to Jesus for helpand began praying like crazy. After a while my sight came backbut I knew I needed help so I raced to the truck and drove it wildly across the fields until I got to the nearest friendly farmhouse, where I called Bob. Bob came and while he was driving me to thehospital I went white out blind again. This kind of blindness had happened once before when I had chicken pox with a very highfever. I knew something was very wrong. They kept me in ICU in the hospital for a week. Here I am, 45 years later, and the onlylasting after effect of all that exposure to a deadly herbicide isa damaged and weakened liver, that prevents me from using manyhelpful medications. I could have died, been permanently blinded,or had cancer as a result, but Jesus spared me and brought me out of the experience with only a damaged and weakened liver.That was 48 years ago, and by the grace of God I don't have cancer, "serious heart problems and Parkinson's disease." Lab tests show that my heart, liver and kidneys are normal without significant damage. I thank God. Praise God for His many mercies.

#4 DELIVERED FROM MY DEADLY BAD DRIVING 1962 The driving miracles are the ones I like the best. There was the convenient driving miracle. I was helping drive a medical "missionary" and his large family from Sacramento CA to the county of Belize (British Honduras). We arrived a Laredo Texas with some tire problems. The garage mechanic, unfriendly from the start, told us we needed two new front tires and inner tubes (1962). He and his crew were sullen and unfriendly and seemed to resent the Christian words the medic had on his big bus and on the little van I was driving. So they put two new tires and inner tubes on the front of the van I drove. We were glad to leave such hostile people and spent the rest of the day driving into Mexico and to Ciudad Victoria of Tamaulipas. Just before sunset and after a long hot day driving over hills, along the side of cliffs with deep drop offs, very rough roads and rough country (with no AAA help available) I began to drive up a bridge that arched over another highway on the outskirts of Cd. Victoria. With a full load of kids and luggage I slowed to under 30 mph going up

the arch, probably the safest driving situation all day, when both front tires popped and went flat. There I am at the top of this arch bridge with two flat front tires. What is the chance of that? What to do? Providentially there were nice motel accommodations 100 yds further along and one block from the "motel" was a tire factory. I love the good Lord's planning. So it was easy and convenient to get the tire fixed and get some rest. The next morning the guys at the tire factory changed the tires and were perplexed by what they found. They found that the inner tubes were at least three sizes too big for those tires, that had caused there to be creases in the inner tubes and there were 3 to 5 cracks in the creases big enough to slip a 50 cent piece through. He didn't understand why any mechanic would put such large inner tubes in our tires, and he didn't understand how we had managed to drive so far before having any problems. If the tires had given out at any other time that day at high speeds on rough roads the results could have been tragic, or at least very inconvenient and difficult to deal with. We thanked Jesus in amazement for His deliverance from the malice or carelessness of those hostile mechanics in Laredo and His care for our safety and convenience. *************************************** #5 DELIVERED FROM MORE OF MY DEADLY BAD DRIVING There was Mexico's Yucatan jungle driving miracle of 1962 during the Kennedy-Krushev-Cuba-Missles crisis. See the picture below. I was driving a van #2 with some of the medical missionarys kids aboard and the medical missionary was driving the big bus #1 in the same direction with the rest of his family . [Set this to Helvetica or Palatino 12 to view] ###jungle###~~~swamp~~~===========~~~### ###jungle###~~~swamp~~~===========~~~### ###jungle###~~~swamp~~~====^^=====~~~### ###jungle###~~~swamp~~~===B#1BB===~~~### ###jungle###~~~swamp~~~===BBUSB===~~~### ###jungle###~~~swamp~~~===BBUSB===~~~###

###jungle###~~~swamp~~~===B#1BB===~~~### ###jungle###~~~swamp~~~===========~~~### ###jungle###~~~swamp~~~===========~~~### ###jungle###~~~swamp~~~====..^^..===~~~### ###jungle###~~~swamp~~~====V#2.===~~~### ###jungle###~~~swamp~~~====VAN===~~~### ###jungle###~~~swamp~~~====VAN===~~~### ###jungle###~~~swamp~~~===========~~~### ###jungle###~~~swamp~~~===========~~~### When we came to this stretch of dirt highway under construction suddenly the bus caused dust to come up so fast an so thick. In the thick dust I became confused and drove on in the dust of his bus #1. I could see only a few feet and knew that what I had seen before the dust was a straight stretch of three lane wide dirt road elevated about 8' above the surrounding swamp. I did the dumb thing of deciding that I should try to catch up to the bus in the dense dust and keep it in sight. I was driving blind and getting more alarmed by the moment. I didn't know for sure where I was on the road going that fast (35 mph +). Suddenly I see this large dirt moving diesel truck #3 directly in front of me #2 headed right at me---- head on collision imminent. All I could do was pray/cry out His name, JESUS! ***Rom 10:13 For every one whosoever, who shall call on the name of the Lord, shall be saved. [Set this to Helvetica or Palatino 12 to view] ###~~~==========~~~swamp~~~###jungle### ###~~~==========~~~swamp~~~###jungle### ###.~~~===truck!!!==~~~swamp~~~###jungle### ###.~~~===tr#3ck===~~~swamp~~~###jungle### ###.~~~===truck!!!==~~~swamp~~~###jungle### ###.~~~===truck!!!==~~~swamp~~~###jungle### ###.~~~===VvvV===~~~swamp~~~###jungle### ###~~~===========~~~swamp~~~###jungle### ###~~~===========~~~swamp~~~###jungle### ###~~~====..^^.====~~~swamp~~~###jungle### ###~~~====V#2====~~~swamp~~~###jungle### ###~~~====VAN===~~~swamp~~~###jungle### ###~~~====VAN===~~~swamp~~~###jungle###

###~~~===========~~~swamp~~~###jungle### ###~~~===========~~~swamp~~~###jungle### God* worked* in* me* ---------------------------------------------****Phil 2: 12 So that, my beloved, . . . . WORK OUT YOUR OWN salvation with fear and trembling, 13 FOR IT IS GOD WHO WORKS IN YOU BOTH THE WILLING AND THE WORKING according to his good pleasure. ***Heb 13:20 But the God of peace, . . . . 21 PERFECT YOU in every good work to the DOING OF HIS WILL, DOING IN YOU what is pleasing before him through Jesus Christ; to whom be glory for the ages of ages. Amen. ------------------------------so that I wanted to and actually did instinctively turn hard to the right only to realize that would send me and the kids into the swamp, so while I was in terror of crashing into the swamp, God worked in me so that I wanted to and actually did make a hard left and slammed on the brakes because I had no idea where I was on the road which I couldn't see because of all the dust. He had worked in me to will and do that which I couldnt do to save us. My heart was racing and I was praying hard that we were safe while trying to regain my composure so as not to alarm the kids any more than necessary. My hands were sweaty and trembling as I waited for the dust to clear. After what seemed to be forever, I could see our predicament. I had parked perfectly parallel to the edge of the dirt road with only 2" or 3" from the right side of the vans tires to the drop off into the swamp! He had worked in me to will and do that which I couldnt do on my own to save us. [Set this to Helvetica or Palatino 12 to view] ###~~~=============~~~swamp~~~###jungle### ###~~~=============~~~swamp~~~###jungle### ###.~~~=========.^^..~~~swamp~~~###jungle### ###~~~=========V#2.~~~swamp~~~###jungle### ###~~~=========VAN~~~swamp~~~###jungle### ###~~~=========VAN~~~swamp~~~###jungle### ###~~~=============~~~swamp~~~###jungle### ###~~~=============~~~swamp~~~###jungle### I could not have parked that well even if I could have seen the edge of the road! I can't park parallel that well even today! And if I could have seen what I was doing, I would never have parked so close to the edge of the road. So I figure Jesus used my foolish, panicky and sweaty hands driving blind

to miss the truck and park perfectly with no damage to vehicles and no injury to persons. So I sat there waiting for my heart and breathing to slow down, and began to realize I had another problem. This dirt soft shoulder was so soft it even looked soft and I realized that with the rear drive wheel on that soft shoulder just 2" from the drop off, that soft shoulder could give way under the weight and the van still could fall into the swamp. Afraid to do anything on the swamp side of the van, we all got out the driver's door. The dirt truck #3 came back to see what happened to us and the medic #1 came back to see what was the problem. They agreed with the assessment of the problem and tied tow ropes to the side of the van and the dirt truck so that when I drove the van away from the edge, the van would not fall into the swamp even if the soft shoulder gave way. This experience gave the idea of "leaving the driving to Him" a whole new meaning and made me learn the hard learned lesson to never drive blind again, and that--- every one, without exception, who calls on the name of the Lord shall be saved. Rom 10:13 *******************************************` By the age of 20 (1961) I had helped some missionaries in Mexico, and I had fallen in love with the virtuous Mexican people, especially the ones who really loved Jesus. My dating life now included Mexicans but I could never let my parents know because my racist dad was dangerous with his guns and threats. I still had plenty of AfroAm friends at school, but I just couldnt handle the thought of dating an AfroAm lady. My dad had really done a job on my mind and gradually Jesus was fixing it, one issue at a time. By '63 I was in college, and experiencing fully the conflict between the secular faith system and my own personal faith in Jesus Christ. I couldn't believe that the unbelievers had a faith that enabled them to believe that the inanimate mysteriously became animate and life on earth began, that something came from nothing and that on its own it became alive, that from nothing came the material that went BANG in their big bang theory, that one species became another with no irrefutable proof or evidence, that human beings with all their complex DNA, chomosomes, and genes could have evolved from single cell organisms in the short time that the

earth has existed; that miraculously mamals appeared with fully developed and functioning complex male and female sex organs and were able to reproduce successfully, that Jews and Israel exist today after so many attempts over the centuries to eradicate them and their culture after so many greater and more powerful ethnic groups and cultures have disappeared from among the world's peoples and cultures, and that the Bible has miraculously been preserved over the centuries so that the Bible we read is almost exactly the same Bible that was written from 1000 BC to 100 AD - when the Koran/Quran, the Hindus, Buddhists etc can make no such claim. I paid the price when the head of the Anthropology Dept at SDSU told me that even though all my tests and papers had a "B" average, he could only give me a "C" for the course/class since I had failed to accept his position on evolution and still believed in God and creation. That ended my plans to become an ethnologist. I became vice chairman of SDSU's SNCC (Student NonViolent Coordinating Committe-Civil Rights), and active in civil rights activities in SD. Then there was Elea Gray of Altadena at SDSU. One day walking between classes I saw a thin/slim, light brown, long haired, Lebanese nosed young lady coming towards me and I literally lost my breath and emotionally went into TOTAL FEMALE ALERT mode. She had me from the first time I saw her, but she didn't even notice me. So I plotted her course. I learned of the times she came that route and the other routes she used. Then one day I made sure I was going the same way as her at the same time, and i struck up a conversation. That led to 20 to 30 hours of face to face and phone conversation for each of two weeks. At the end of those two weeks, I learned that she was AfroAm-IndiAm, and by then I didn't care if she was a Yaqui Indian or a Zulu maiden. I was totally hooked and my heart was captured with her beautiful sweet smile and twinkling eyes. She had become the Love Tar Baby of my heart, and every move I made towards her got me more and more stuck and attached to her. I could hardly focus on my classes. I was in my senior year (1965) at SDSU and i had already had some run ins with my prof's. One had given me a C when all my grades were B because I didn't believe some of his assumptions and conclusions for evolution and against creation. Now I was madly in love with Elea and dating her every chance i had. I was very afraid of further reprisals by my profs and feared that they might mess up my senior year if they saw me openly dating an AfroAm lady. I was going to school on borrowed money living in a one two room shack in an alley about five miles from school. I had no car and had to borrow one to date. My school and work transportation was my trusty racing bike. Elea saw and understood my fears of reprisal for dating her and tried to help me through them. When we

dated on campus, we did it discretely going and being where the profs didn't go. I was so worried about reprisals that Elea and I realized that i was headed for an ulcer. By the gracious work of God I finally outgrew the fear as my trust in Christ was restored and Elea became more precious to me than graduation, career or economic success. Amazing how fear cripples and undermines both love and faith. Amazing how love and faith can overcome fear. He gives us that choice. My fear of racial reprisal by my profs was vague and ill defined and it blind sided me. I thought I had mastered fear in 1962 in the jungles of Yucatan Mexico. Then the fear of death was clearly focused and so present I thought I could feel it with my hands. After getting the missionaries across the Mexican-Belize border I had to rest for a couple of days before returning to California by Mexicos Greyhound Bus, Tres Estellas de Oro. I was totally alone there in Quintana Roo except for a Mexican native pastor who befriended me and drank Mexican hot chocolate with me as we fellowshipped. When my strength had returned I knew it was time to get on the bus and go. It was night and the bus was full mostly of Mexican Indians and farmers, all of whom seemed to have knives and machetes, but there were two Cubans seated about six rows behind me. Kennedy and Krushev were on the brink of nuclear WW3 over the Russian missles in Cuba. Tension was high world wide. Those Castro loving Cubans spent hours behind me shouting sweet little nothings like Kill the Yankee Pig!!!!!!! Cut that Yankees throat and throw him to the dogs!!!!!!, Kill the Yankee spy!!!!!!. I didnt say a word, and every once in a while looked around to see how the armed Mexicans were reacting, with a benign and resigned smile on my face. They looked grimly at me and then looked away. I was so tired, so alone that night on that bus in that dense Yucatan jungle it was clear that the situation was totally out of my control and I was totally dependent on Jesus for continued life on earth. I chose to trust Him with my life, made my peace with Jesus, and prepared to die or live, whichever Jesus worked. So when we came to a rest stop in the middle of the jungle at a small Cantina, I had to use the restroom. As I surveyed the situation I knew that if I went into the Cantinas restroom it would be a perfect place to be stabbed in the back, so I chose to put my life in Gods hand and cautiously stepped into a dark jungle, a jungle I knew to be full of big spiders and snakes and jungle cats, to take care of business. Finally dawn and Merida appeared and I had lived through the night and the Cubans and God had spared me one more time. Faith had won over fear. Back to 1963 I had a falling out with SDSUs SNCC when the local AfroAm chairman decided to accept financial support from representatives of communist

nations and groups. As resigning coChaiman I told him the communists were as much my enemies as the KKK, and I quit. So I joined the largest AfroAm Baptist Church in town, became active with the young people's groups, and became the Sunday School teacher of the college age class. This was during the marches and demonstrations being led by my "elder brother", M L King. I delighted in taking the subject for the Sunday School lesson from the headlines, showing my college age class what the Bible says about racism, hatred, bigotry, prejudice, social injustice, oppression and exploitation of the poor, and how M. L. King's strategies paralleled the instructions in the Bible for dealing with those who wrong you. The class grew from five to 25. City council man George Stevens took over the class after I left to marry my first AfroAm wife. I was a "true believer" but I really got screwed up with my morals and my horniness. I had fallen into the trap of "leaning to my own understanding". I decided to accept the current Webster's College Dictionary definition of fornication, instead of prayerfully seeking God's definition of fornication. Webster's said that fornication was "Illicit sexual intercourse with a harlot". Like several other church youth group leaders i knew at the time, that definition left a lot of wiggle room for testosterone driven young Christian men. I figured that if i didn't have sexual intercourse, genital in genital union, then it wasn't fornication. I erred by leaning to my own understanding of fornication and I was like a little kid who just was given free access to all the candy in the store, AfroAm female chocolate candy. I tragically had and failed the honor and privilege of celebrating the awesome physical beauty of way too many nice, lovely, intelligent, sweet, awesome AfroAm women, many of them devout Christians, in total nude petting and oral sex while carefully avoiding sexual intercourse (i.e. genital in genital union). They bought into my understanding of the definition of fornication, and trusted me because I seemed to know so much of the Bible and seemed to be such a devoted Christian. After all I was a Sunday School and Daily Vacation Bible School teacher and Christian camp counselor. This was tragic for me and for them because I learned later from Prov 5:19,20 and Ezek 23 that the Bible makes it clear that such love making free of genital in genital intercourse is as much fornication/sex-sin as actual genital in genital intercourse. Tragic because I should have unselfishly and compassionately cherished the awesome and precious hearts and beauty of those wonderful AfroAm women only in the context of marital commitment, as a child of God. I didn't get that right until my first marriage to my first wife, AfroAm Carol Lynn McIntyre of Oceanside, a marriage which failed within fourteen months because of my fears, anxieties and misunderstanding of the Bibles sexual morality. Fears??? Fear of

failing to be to my wife all that she thought me to be, of failing to be man enough for her, of failing to be good enough for her, of her finding out that I was just an ordinary guy with ordinary hang ups and problems, of not being able to keep a good enough job to provide her with all that I wanted her to have, and fear of incredibly wonderful and beautiful her falling out of love with so imperfect me when she found out how inadequate and fault ridden I felt I was. Fear cast out perfect Love and death followed. ******************************************* Jesus, My Cousin and Me Making a lemonade life out of lifes bitter lemons Then there was my little, slim and delicate cousin. My cousin was saved while married to her male chauvinistic, arrogant, proud, rich and unfaithful Greek Orthodox husband. He really believed that her place was pregnant, bare foot and in the kitchen. They found out after their second child that her heart was weak and she could die during childbirth and so was told to have no more children. He got her pregnant seven more times for a total of 8 kids. Soon after being saved the Lord used these times of great peril to lead my cousin into submission and obedience to His Word in 1 Peter 2 + 3 1Pet 2:19 For this [is] a grace, if for conscience [toward] God anyone endures grief, suffering wrongfully. 20 For what glory [is it] if you patiently endure [while] sinning and being buffeted? But if you suffer [while] doing good, and patiently endure, this [is] a grace from God. 21 For were you not called to this? For Christ also suffered on our behalf, leaving us an example, that you should follow His steps, 22 He who did no sin, nor was guile found in His mouth, 23 who when He was reviled did not revile in return. When He suffered, He did not threaten, but gave [Himself] up to Him who judges righteously. 24 [He] Himself bore our sins in His own body on the tree, that dying to sins, we might live to righteousness; by whose stripes you were healed. 25 For you were as sheep going astray, but now you are turned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls. 1Pt3: 1 IN THE SAME WAY[--- as the servants of 2:18-25] , wives, [be] in subjection to your own husbands, ------------ with all reverence, not only to those good and forbearing [husbands], but also to the perverse ones. >>>>>>>>>>>PARAPHRASED FOR APPLICATION 1Pt2:19 For this [is] a grace, if for conscience [toward] God anyone endures grief [because of her husband], suffering wrongfully. 2:20 For what glory [is it] if you patiently endure [grief from you husband while] sinning and being buffeted? But if you suffer [grief from your husband while] doing good, and patiently endure,

this [is] a grace from God. 2:21 For were you not called to this [marital suffering]? For Christ also suffered on our behalf, leaving us an example, that you should follow His steps [when your husband causes you to suffer], 22 He who did no sin, nor was guile found in His mouth, 2:23 who when He was reviled did not revile in return [so when your husband verbally abuses you, do not verbally abuse him in return]. When He suffered, He did not threaten, but gave [Himself] up to Him who judges righteously [so you also shouldn't threaten your sinning husband but instead give yourself up to His care]. ---------------so that if any [husbands] do not obey the word, they may also be won without the word by the conduct of the wives, 2 having witnessed your chaste behavior in [the] fear [of God]. 3 Of whom let [it] not be the adorning of garments, or outward braiding of hair and wearing of gold, or of putting on clothing, 4 but [let your adornment be] the hidden One of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, the meek [strength controlled] and quiet [peaceful] spirit, which is of great price in the sight of God. 5 For so once indeed the holy women hoping in God adorned themselves, being in subjection to their own husbands [by their own choice]; 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord; whose children you became, doing good and fearing no terror. She became a faster and a prayer, leading all 8 kids to be beautifully saved. Her husband was not stupid or blind, and soon realized and was told by his buddies that he had a great wife, an awesome wife, and appreciation and respect began to sink in to his male chauvinistic pig head. He was crazy proud of his precious and well behaved children, the envy of his buddies. Sometimes when he had one on his lap, his beloved child would say something like, "Daddy, do you love Jesus? Are you going to be in Heaven with us? Daddy, I want you to be in Heaven with me. Please??????????!!!!!!!!!! Daddy?????????????!!!!!!!!!!". He was deeply moved. In the meantime, all my cousin's prayer and fasting had resulted in her having such a close and beautiful relationship with Jesus that He had given her the gifts of discernment of spirits, healing, prophecy, tongues and interpretation of tongues. She eventually became a part of the Kathryn Khulman ministry team. He gave her a large teaching and counseling ministry at Lloyd Ogilvies Hollywood Presbyterian. Finally all her children were grown, and her rich husband was a much better father and husband ---Jesus was breaking up the hard ground of his heart. Then Jesus blessed him with leukemia, a very slow cancer, which humbled him and he accepted Jesus, giving Jesus his body, soul and spirit. He became one of the

gentlest, sweetest, nicest and most gracious Christians I have ever known ---and then Jesus took him Home. He honored His Word and used Patty's obedience to 1 Peter 3 to save and take Home a precious son of God. Have faith. Trust God. Little is much with God's blessing on it. Weakness is strength and power with Jesus' blessing on it. If you have a Nabal for a husband, be an Abigail (1 Sam 25) My cousin gave me a prophecy about a key issue and phase in my life, specifically in my first marriage eight years later. She told me that one day three crows would enter my life. At that time Jesus would try me in a trial that could cost me my life if I failed it, or could release me to blessed service and victory in Jesus if I passed the test. About eight years later, EuroAm me failing miserably in fear and faithlessness in my first marriage to an incredibly beautiful and intelligent AfroAm-IndiAm young lady, I walked out of the back door of my classroom and looked out on the large green field -- and there were three crows --- and they stayed in my life until the turning point. That story is for another time. *************************************************** >>>>>>A different kind of miracle<<<<<<<<< About 40 years ago when I was attending college in San Diego, CA, I met one of the most beautiful women in the world. She was a light brown skinned Filipina with a movie star face. She was on campus that night and needed a ride home and I volunteered. As we got near to her neighborhood she began to take off all of her clothes. With clothes on she was a stunning cover girl beauty. When she sat there next to me with absolutely nothing on, begging me to get her pregnant, I was stunned and my heart was racing. She said that I looked very much like her navy husband who had just gone out to sea for an extended period. She said that they had been trying to have a baby but weren't succeeding. She said that if she had a child by me the child would look enough like her husband for him to think the child was his. During all of this I am looking up and down at her, but especially at hereyes. She seemed very sincere and every male molecule in my body wanted to celebrate her beauty, child or no. My belief in Jesus is the primary force in my life. He gave me the presence of mind to see beyond the immediate reality of her incredible beauty and my burning desire, to see the burning end of adultery--- and that sobered me up. I thanked her profusely, telling her how incredibly beautiful she was and how honored I was that she would share with me the wonder of her beauty ------ but I feared/loved God more than I desired her and I couldn't do it for her. I begged

her to put her clothes back on and let me drive her home. Slowly she did, appearing confused and disappointed. Thanking her profusely and praising her awesome beauty she let me take her home and drop her off------------------ never to be seen again but never to be forgotten. Only Jesus working and willing in me was able to keep me from such incredible temptation. *********************************************************** It was 1967 and I was active in the Civil Rights movement in San Diego. I knew I needed to be married and was actively seeking a wife, but I couldn't find a Caucasian or Mexican or Asian American who believed the same about Jesus, the Bible and race, that race should make absolutely no difference in the lives of the children of God and in the churches of Jesus Christ. My last try was with the wonderful and Caucasian Janice Badgely, who told me that she felt interracial marriage was not something Christians should be involved in. When she told me that I just gave up trying to a nonBlack wife and began to seek a wife in the Afrian-American community, because I had come to believe that only there would I find a Christian sister who believed what I believed the Bible says about racial and ethnic differences. My cousin told me not to marry a brown skinned minority person since she felt the most important thing Christians should do is try to win souls to Christ, and she believed that marrying a minority young lady would greatly hinder my effectiveness in winning souls of any race or ethnicity because of the social and racial realities of American society. I felt I had no choice and that if I were to continue my ministry in minority communities, I would need a wife who shared my understanding of the Bible on racial and ethnic differences. I knew AfroAm Paula Greene from San Diego State University and she was a good friend. She invited me to her house one day to meet her friend, Carol Lynn McIntyre, of Oceanside, CA. From the first time I saw her I was madly in love with her and immediately began to court her with hopes of marriage. We were married within months. A DEDICATION: AfroAm CAROL LYNN MCINTYRE, of Oceacnside, California the first wife of EuroAm me- 1967 She is black and so many delicious shades of brown. Her skin looks more delicious than anything I have ever eaten. She moves gracefully with strength and purpose in her steps, unaware of her awesome beauty. I call out her precious name, almost to make sure she's real and not a dream. She turns and looks me in the eye and then suddenly smiles so radiantly I almost lose my breath. It seems as if she glows! I drink her in

as she flows towards me with her arms open wide. The face I see is Love. How I love her eyes and her mouth, filled with kindness and gentleness----from which I fear no hurt or unkindness. She laughs and it sounds like music. We touch and my heart soars. We embrace and I put my lips on her delicious skin. She is so delicious it is hard to keep my mouth off of her. As the Sun shines on her clean, soft and oiled skin I'm fascinated by the tiny tints of red, orange, yellow and all the browns that twinkle up at me. I love the feel of her light brown skin as my tanned skin caresses hers. She is sooooo soft and firm, so full of life! We look into each others' eyes, hers sparkling----we look long and deep and our souls touch---and then suddenly it seems a cloud of uncertainty, self-doubt, personal fears, or haunting memories moves across her face and the lovely pools of her eyes are troubled. I kiss her passionately and hold her ever so close, wishing I could pull right into my heart and soul and bathe her in my love, wanting to make it all right for her. Hesitantly I look again hoping her radiance has returned and Yes! the cloud has passed and her face is radiant again. What I see in her face fills my heart. All is well. We two as one set out together to face and deal with our world. We faced our world together so much in love. I thought she was so incredibly wonderful moving there before me bare and beautiful that honeymoon night. I thought I had been given the most wonderful queen for my heart to love. I worshipped her in her dark beauty. How could I be so blessed? In ecstasy she said she could make love all night long that Halloween weekend. Halloween darkness and death covered my eyes and blinded me. It polluted my mind and it whispered "You are not good enough for her. She will find out that you aren't good enough for her and she will leave you for another." The hissing lie believed, my heart deceived, my soul backed off and the work of death began. My queen now became my torment, her excellence rebuking me for being so presumptuous as to dare to mingle with the gods by loving one of their own. My heart was chilled with fear that my wonderful goddess would suddenly see me as I really was and her passionate

desire would turn to loathing. Couldn't she see I was all crippled and broken inside? The golden spell that had blessed our courtship was cracking apart as some dark frozen glacier, one small piece at a time. She said she loved me for my voice before we met. When we met I was so amazed my mouth hung open in amazement and my eyes couldn't open wide enough to behold her glory. Her laughter rang like bells and chimes all about us. She flowed to me and into my life. My heart opened wider than my eyes and welcomed her in, pouring my love upon her in every way I could imagine. She felt more loved than she had ever felt before. She gave herself to me in our engagement and our bodies merged into oneness as our souls had. I accepted her love without reservation and gave her my love without reservation. She blessed me in the same manner. I felt my soul could fly no higher. I forgot she was a mere mortal with a tender heart and a history of adversities. I forgot that her heart was as tender as her breasts. I forgot that though she was bold and out going like her breasts, she was as sensitive as they and in need of support and protection. Blinded by unreasoned love I thought her to be a goddess and worshipped her, when she wanted me to lead her in the worship of my Jesus. Blinded by unreasoned love she thought me above weakness and fear. So when that Halloween darkness crept into my soul, and in its brokenness and open wounds the darkness found a hiding place, a place for it to root and grow. By that honeymoon night my soul became the prisoner of the fear of losing her love, fear of failing her, fear of not being enough for and fear of losing her to another. All she wanted me to do was just to keep on loving her as we had since our engagement. I stepped from the glorious light of our love into the wretched darkness of my fear. My darling Carol Lynn couldn't believe that her prince charming was dying within. She didn't feel the chill and darkness that had just entered the room. Fear leaves such devastation. In her torment she felt she was to blame for the cold iceman that I was becoming. She sought counsel, tried to provoke me, tried to make me jealous---each resulting in a veil of tears for her. Then my tormented goddess

sought to kill herself if our love could not be restored. I asked her parents to come and get her since I was afraid to leave her alone----------they dragged her away from me as she wept and wailed begging me not to let them take her. I just stood there and watched. Oh God have mercy on my Welsh-Irish soul! The damned darkness of damned divorce crept between us. I begged her to return, begged for forgiveness and apologized for failing her-------but when she didn't answer for a week I sought the loving I yearned for in the arms of another wonderful dark queen. I had given up. I thought she would never come back to one so unworthy as I. I felt I had to have the love of a wonderful dark queen so that I could know that I was still lovable, that I could know the love of a wonderful dark queen again. My Lynn came that night and found me with the other. Her last words were "Oh no, Ron!!!!!!!! I never had another chance with her. Hollywood got her and messed her up so badly she had to have a total hysterectomy and was in pain daily taking powerful pain killers. She sought shelter and help in her childhood home with her parents. She built her nest in her childhood bedroom, her heart broken, her spirit twisted, her soul so gravely wounded that no one knew if she could ever fly again-------my Lynn who had soared in the heights with eagles and falcons. Her pain. The pain wouldn't stop. "Oh please make this pain stop! Let me take my pills. I have eaten and I'll just take these pain pills and lie down to rest. Oh! My soul is so weary! When will the pain stop? To sleep, yes sleep. I'm so tired. I'll just sleep a little. It's so good to be home where I can feel safe, with Dad here. I love him so much." And my beloved Carol Lynn McIntyre laid herself down to sleep in the bed of her childhood bedroom----so safe---safe at last. "What's wrong! I can't think---I feel so groggy. What's happening?! Oh God, I'm going to vomit! Help!----------" And as she inhaled that last time-----My queen! My goddess! My darling young wife-------------she inhaled her vomit and died. Oh God! Dear God! Would that it were I! Oh turn back

the clock and take my soul instead! Oh God------my heart is broken! Why should I be above the ground and my brilliant and beautiful young Lynn, my dark queen, be there beneath the ground? Oh God be merciful to me! I feel the millstone around my neck. I don't deserve your forgiveness but I would die without it. Yet she lives and is loved in the deepest depths of my soul though the grief and pain wont let me dwell on my wonderful memories of her and us--- My Scotch-Irish-Welsh heart grieves over my dark Queen. God gave me a daughter who could pass for Lynn's sister, a wonderful woman, a daughter upon whom I can pour out all the love I feel for Lynn. And God showed me what I did wrong with Lynn and taught me how not to make those terrible mistakes again. My three wonderful daughters are the products of His Love working through me. I lost my dark queen, and He gave me three wonderful dark queens to help heal my grief. Thank you, Jesus! Dear God, please heal the hearts of Lynn's family. ********************************************** I lost my Lynn. I failed my Lynn. I called out to Jesus to save me. While with my Lynn, in 1968 I stupidly bought a large moth cake, about 3" by 8" and hung it in my bedroom closet to keep moths from damaging my clothing. I don't remember if I read the label that warned that it should not be used where people are, or in enclosed areas where people spend time. I have found out since that the chemical in the moth cake is extremely carcinogenic. Within a month I landed up in the emergency room with a very high undiagnosed fever. Since they could not determine the cause of the fever, they put me in isolation and filled me with antibiotics. I spent most of the day and night with ice under my neck, under my arms and under my knees to keep the fever from frying my brain. I spent most of the time I was awake shivering from the ice. Finally after about two weeks I was normal enough to be released and went home. I discovered the moth cake, read its directions and threw it out. I believe the Lord used that experience to chasten me for the way I was disobeying Him, for yielding to fear of failure and rejection instead of to faith in Him, for the way I was failing to kindly and compassionately Love Lynn. Forty years later I still thank God

that I don't have cancer and lab tests show that my heart, liver and kidneys are normal without significant damage. ====================================== I was saved/born-again at age twelve. My dad's porn got me addicted to porn by age 9. When He saved me at age 12 He completely broke the porn addiction so much so that it wasn't even an issue. Then, three years later, Ruth Naomi Bruce (a hot Jewish girl) asked me to walk through the nearby Balboa Park with her on her way home. She led me to a secluded place in the bushes and trees and invited me to lay down next to her. She introduced me to petting and necking and the porn addiction returned. The battle raged between the Spirit in me and my flesh. Webster's college dictionary at that time defined fornication as "illicit sexual intercourse with a harlot". Trying to figure this thing out by my own understanding with Websters Collegiate Dictionary, I came to the conclusion that as long as I abstained from sexual intercourse, coitus/coition/ sexual-penetration, whatever else I did with a girl wasn't fornication. There is a way that seems right to a man, but the ends thereof are the ways of death. God used the chaos and consequences of fifteen years of HEAVY &/or nude petting, oral sex and the death of my first marriage to work and will in me so that I was driven to my knees, ready to hear from God and obey Jesus no matter what He said. During those fifteen years He had never left me nor forsaken me, and He was chastening me all along the way, but sparing me from death apparently because I was sincerely trying to do His will as His young man, Sunday School teacher, youth leader, Christian camp counselor, missionary assistant, orphanage volunteer in Tijuana (Mexico), etc etc etc. But in my snared condition I had come more and more to the point that I was deceived into thinking that it was okay to let images and ideas into my mind and spirit from books, movies, magazines, people and places that were not true, worthy of respect, just, pure, lovable, of good reputation, virtuous, worthy of praise [Phil 4:8]. I had become ensnared with pornographic magazines, rationalizing their use by thinking it was okay as long as I didnt think of coitus, sexual intercourse, with the women whose images were in the magazines [2Tim2:24-26 Prov 16:24]. I had lost my beautiful and wonderful AfroAm wife, Lynn, and already I

was involved again in nude petting etc. with Christian women I knew, careful to observe my snared rationalization of avoiding coitus at all costs so as not to sin in fornication. He allowed the consequences of my sins and self-deception to drive me to the desperation I had when I was originally saved, not wanting to live if I couldn't live, love and Love right and well. He worked a reckless desperation in me so that I threw myself into the Esther fast (no food or drink for three days Esther 4:16) for three days without preparing my body for such an ordeal. He was working and willing in me so that I had to know what I had done wrong, know how not to ever hurt anyone like I had hurt my wonderful AfroAm Lynn, and learn how to be the EuroAm husband and man Jesus wanted me to be. I knew my life hung in the balance. I realized the recent two week hospitalization for undiagnosed fever, the earlier two week bout with pneumonia were His chastening of me. I remembered the prophecy of the three crows and they were present asprophesied, the symbol of impending doom if I didnt come out of this crisis right in Jesus. On day three of my total fast, He worked in me so that I was kneeling in prayer just going over the issues in my life, asking "What about this, Lord? What about that, Lord?" Without expecting anything He worked and willed in me to say, "What about the porn, Lord?" Instantly there was this deep powerful thundering voice saying "It has to go!" I was startled and jumped up in a storm of emotions, ran to all the windows and doors to see if someone had just walked by and said that ---- no one there ---- how could a human have such a powerful voice ------ and then very shaken I returned to my knees and He worked in me to say, "Lord if that is you, I hear you. I understand that to mean You want me to get rid of the box I have in the closet full of porn ($200 worth in 1969, $1000 today). Lord, I'll get rid of it now and all I ask is that You show me in Your Word why my using porn is sinful, since I'm so careful to NOT fornicate by thinking of coitus/coition/sexual-penetration with the women when looking at the pictures of the women." Still shaken, fully alert and tingling, God worked and willed in me to get up off my knees, wrap up the box fullof pornography in all the tape I could find in my house, take it out to the dumpster and bury it in the trash. I realized something awesome had just happened but He

enabled me to know that I was walking in faith and not according to my own understanding, so I just accepted it all and was amazed. Finally the three day fast came to an end. My body was so incredibly weak I couldn't do anything strenuous, but my spirit and soul were soaring. Within two weeks He answered my prayers and showed me in the scriptures (Ezekiel 16 & 23; Prov 5 and 1 Cor 6) that petting and touching the genitals and breasts of a woman who is not my own woman in marriage, and that seeing the pudenda/vulva/vagina of a woman who is not my own woman in marriage were just as much fornication as actual coitus/genital penetration. He showed me in those scriptures that the only person who had any business intimately and passionately seeing and enjoying a woman's pudenda, vulva, clitoris and vagina is her own husband, and for me to be seeing those parts of a womans body without being married to her was sex sin, fornication. Since then He has shown me by Romans 1:24-32 that it is a grievous sin worthy of death for me to even enjoy and take pleasure in the women, or pictures of the women, who intimately show their genitals to others than their own men, who allow others to touch/ press/feel/caress their breasts and/or genitals outside of their own marriages, even if they are fully clothed or appropriately covered by bathing suits or lingerie. That eliminated from my enjoyment most of the movie stars, rock stars, recording artists and celebrities since they openly and admittedly have sex with people other than their own mates, and most have exposed their genitals publicly. It has been thirty years since that experience and the addictive/compulsive power of porn in my life has been broken and remained broken. That is not to say that if I let my eyes linger on the magazine racks too long I will not be tempted. Since sin now has NO DOMINION over me (Rom 6) and the devil and demons cant MAKE ME do anything (Eph 2:1-10), I am free to choose to not sin and to obey Jesus. If I choose to sin by "setting evil before my eyes" I will be sorely tempted, and I might sin by taking pleasure in the awesome beauty of the evil sinning women, and I may need to again call on the Name of King Jesus to save me and work

and will in me to run back to Jesus in repentance and confession, agreeing with Him about the sin. But still the sin of porn no longer has power over me, no longer compels me, no compulsion, no irrational yearning, no monkey on my back driving me to do the porn thing. By the grace and power of God working in me it has no power over me unless I choose to give it the power and the opportunity in my life. Yes the addiction to female beauty, the powerful combination of endorphins, testosterone and adrenaline always lay in wait just below the surface and are always ready to respond, but now I am enabled by Him to control those mental forces whereas before they controlled me. That is His miracle in me. I sometimes fail to walk in the freedom Christ has given me, especially when I am Hungry, Angry, Lonely and/or Tired (see Biblical 12 Steps). In those times I sometimes fail to run to Jesus for His comfort and deliverance. In those times I sometimes choose to lean to my own understanding and I choose to run to sweet and needy women for comfort and reassurance. He's in the process of working and willing in me to deliver me from that "ritual", that false solution, that inadequate solution, that idolatry, and I thank Him for that. I know that all I have to do is call on the Name of Jesus to be saved when in HALT mode and sorely tempted to run to a sweet and needy sister for comfort and affirmation. One step at a time with Jesus. One temptation and victory at a time with Jesus. One day at a time with Jesus for Every day has trouble enough of its own. Enough for each day are its own troubles. Mt 6:34. After the deliverance from the power and domination of porn, He showed me His plan and His will for us to avoid and live free from sex sin. 1 Cor. 7:2 but on account of sex sin, each one should be having his own wife, and each [woman] should be having her own husband. 3 The husband should be rendering to the wife the benevolence that is due her, and in like manner the wife to the husband. 4 The wife has not authority over her own body, but the husband [has authority over her body]: in like manner also the husband has not authority over his own body, but the wife [has authority over his body]. 5 Do not deprive one another [of the use of this sexual authority], unless, it may be, by consent for a time, that ye may devote yourselves to prayer, and again be

together [exercising authority over and having each other's bodies], that Satan tempt you not because of your lack of self-control. . . . 9 But if they are not having control over themselves [sexually], they are under command to marry; for it is better to marry than to burn [sexually and in the day of judgment].[1Cor 7] Just like with the porn, I had to call on Him to enable me to yield myself to Him and marry/accept the woman He wanted for me, instead of the one I wanted. Like Jesus in the garden I had to come to the place of knowing I was under His command to marry in order to avoid fornication, so it had to be Not my will, but Yours be done. It had to be Not the woman I prefer, not the time I prefer, not the way I prefer, but I commit to accepting the godly woman You provide, when You provide her, however You provide her. That's the testimony I have of my second wife, AfroAm Beverly, the mother of my children, for another time. ********************************************************* #6. AN "ORPHAN" FINDS A LOVING HOME A THROWN AWAY "ORPHAN" FINDS A LOVING HOME Then there is the Felicia miracle. God didn't save my life but He used me to save Felicia's life. She was a 16 year old hippie run away from an Arizona foster home. Her parents didn't want her. She ran away to LA and she landed up at the Christian Communal Home that three Christian "Hippies" got after they were born again in Jesus. They wanted a place where they and their hippie friends who were coming to Jesus could come, stay, be comfortable, meet and grow in Jesus. It was a big house with about 8 bedrooms. The police knew about this hippie halfway house and approved of runaways like Felicia staying there. After about a week or two, Felicia got mad about one of the rules of the house, had a temper tantrum and stormed out of the House during a Bible lesson with about 25 people present. She said she was leaving and not coming back! It was dark and it was an integrated low income neighborhood with a lot of prostitution, drugs and violence. She was a small white hippie girl walking out into the darkness and into all of that spiritual darkness. I tried to decide what I should do since she wouldn't listen to reason. I prayed. I figured either I could stick with her and keep on trying to reason with her, but I was concerned that we'd both land up in

a situation where we would both be in danger. So I decided the best place for her was the Christian Hippie House. So I believe God* worked* in* me* ---------------------------****Phil 2: 12 So that, my beloved, . . . . WORK OUT YOUR OWN salvation with fear and trembling, 13 FOR IT IS GOD WHO WORKS IN YOU BOTH THE WILLING AND THE WORKING according to his good pleasure. ***Heb 13:20 But the God of peace, . . . . 21 PERFECT YOU in every good work to the DOING OF HIS WILL, DOING IN YOU what is pleasing before him through Jesus Christ; to whom be glory for the ages of ages. Amen. ------------------------------------------to want to and then to actually run after her, to try one more time to persuade her to stay, but when she refused to just pick her up and put her across my shoulder with her screaming, hitting my back and trying to kick loose of my arms all the way back to the House, through the evening Bible Lesson and into the prayer room where the House elders were having a meeting. I still believe that God kept the neighbors from calling the cops and enabled all the people in the Bible study group to continue that Bible lesson. I sat her down in the midst of the House elders and told them what had happened. We talked and we prayed until Felicia was past her crisis and was willing to stay. A couple of months later, a much more godly and spiritfilled Felicia announced to us that God had worked and willed in her so that she felt led to go back to Arizona, end her run away status, turn herself in to her social worker and trust God for the consequences. The few elders who were present said they agreed with her, had no doubts about it (Rom 14:22,23) and had peaceful and confident conviction about it (Phil 4:3-8). A little later that Saturday evening God was working and willing in her so much so that she said she felt she HAD to go that night and asked if I could drive her over to Hollywood to catch the last Greyhound bound for Arizona that night. I said sure, gathered some of the brothers and sisters to see her off that night. We got to the bus stop shortly before the bus arrived. She tried to buy the ticket but found she didn't have enough money. We all chipped in everything we had but we still didn't have enough money to get her to her

social workers town. God was still working in to want to go so she felt she HAD to go on that bus at that time. We prayed and God worked in us so that we decided that she would buy a ticket to get her into Arizona Sunday morning and then she would have just enough change to call her social worker and have her pick Felicia up sometime later. We all prayed for and over her and our sweet 16 year old little barefoot hippie girl in a granny dress with flowers in her hair got on the bus and left in a cloud of prayers and tears. Later we got her letter and "the rest of the story". She arrived in a small Arizona town around 9 am Sunday morning. She had only enough money for the phone call and her social worker didn't answer her phone. So God worked in her so that she decided to walk around town, bare foot in a granny dress with flowers in her hair, that bright sunny Sunday morning. A little into her walk she heard people singing and she thought she knew the song. She came up to a small town steepled church and realized it was church time and the church service was just beginning. So little Felicia walked her little barefoot self into the back of that church, probably with some flowers in her hand or hair, and joined in the service. After the service was over, God worked and willed in the the pastor so that he asked her what she was doing in town and where she was staying. Felicia told him the whole story of parents not wanting her, running away from foster home, living on the streets of L.A. and being born again in a Christian Hippie House. God worked in the the pastor and his wife so that they asked her if she would like to come home with them for lunch and stay until her social worker could come. By the time lunch was over, God worked in the pastor and his wife to tell Felicia they would love to have her as their daughter and would she please let them be her parents. She could hardly believe it and God worked in her so that she joyfully accepted their offer. God worked in her social worker to approve, and they adopted her and sent her through Bible college where she prepared for full time Christian service. The little broken thrown away girl, unwanted by her parents and foster parents, who ran away to find Love and Life, found Love, Life and a home with parents who loved and cherished her

dearly, by the compassion and mercy of God working in her life and in the lives of all involved. If He hadn't worked in me to bring her back that night ----- if He hadnt willed in her so that she would obey His leading to leave that Saturday night ---- if He hadnt will in me and enabled me to drive her that night -----if He hadnt worked it all out so that we had only enough money so that she landed up in a different town than originally desired----- if He hadnt worked it all out so that her social worker didnt answer her first phone call ---- but He did work it all out in all involved so that the miracle happened and the once homeless, unloved, grieved and lonely little girl found a home, Love, Joy and family. What a wonderful miracle and evidence of the fact that our God WORKS EVERYTHING ACCORDING TO THE COUNSEL OF HIS OWN WILL FOR THE GOOD OF THOSE WHO LOVE H IM IN DEED AND TRUTH AND ARE CALLED ACCORDING TO HIS PURPOSE (Ephes 1:11 & Rom 8:28). The miracle happened and the homeless, unloved, grieved and lonely little girl found a home, Love, Joy and family. What a wonderful miracle. Some time later, Tirzah Lelah and Talitha Cumi were born of my second wife, Beverly. I was a broken shell of a grieving man after losing Carol Lynn. I was in search of my next wife because I had learned that I was under God's 1 Cor 7:9 command to be married while in the prayerful fasting that followed Lynn's departure. I committed myself to marry the first godly Christian woman I met that God led to marry me. Realizing that Shuana was one of the godliest young ladies I knew, I went to Shauna Ridguard's Plymouth Brethren Church service in Watts one Sunday and met Beverly between Shauna and Lisa. The three were good friends from school and church. I asked Shauna how old she was and when she said she was 17 I knew she was too young to be my wife. When Lisa told me she was 17 also I realized the same. When Beverly said she was 18 I began to strike up a relationship and friendship to see if she might be my next wife, figuring that if she was a good friend of Shauna she must also be a godly Christian young lady.

We became friends and began to date. Beverly thought I was just being a friendly guy and had no idea I was trying to learn if she would be my next wife. It was 1971. Our romance was sweet and poetic - - - for a while. **************AND THEN THERE WAS BEVERLY***************** A DEDICATION: BEVERLY TYLER, My second wife and the mother of my children Unknown to me, a mysterious young lady, looking so very sweet, she stands there calmly and quietly between Lisa and Shauna, Sunday morning between Sunday School and Church, there in Watts. She is black and so many delicious shades of brown. Her dark brown skin looks more delicious than anything I have ever eaten. She moves gracefully with strength and purpose in her steps, unaware of her awesome femininity. In fact she didn't even think she was attractive and she was mystified by my desire of her. At first she couldn't even believe that I felt such deep romantic and affectionate love for her. She was so gentle, so humble, so sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeet I could hardly keep my mouth and hands off of her. To the world she wasn't a cover girl beauty, but to me the beauty in her eyes flooded out and over her so that she walked in beauty to me. She filled up my heart and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. It was 1971. She turns and looks me in the eye and then suddenly smiles so radiantly my heart leaps for joy. It seems as if she glows! I drink her in as she flows towards me with her arms open wide. The face I see is Love. How I love her eyes and her mouth, filled with kindness and gentleness----from which I fear no hurt or unkindness. She laughs and it sounds like music. We touch and my heart soars. We embrace and I put my lips on her delicious skin. She is so delicious it is hard to keep my mouth off of her. As the Sun shines on her clean, soft and oiled skin I'm fascinated by the tiny tints of red, orange, yellow and all the browns that twinkle up at me. She is sooooo soft and firm, so full of life! I understand the Scriptures (Mark 10:1-15; Luke 16:18; Rom 7:1-3; 1 Cor 7:10-15,39) to declare that the marriage of two genuine believers in Christ who were free in Jesus to marry when they married - are maritally

bound to each other in the Kingdom of God as long as they both live. I believe that the Bible indicates that not even adultery or homosexuality or any of the sins of Lev 18 & 20 dissolve or end a marriage of two such people. There is no command from God in Scripture for anyone who is genuinely saved to divorce one's marital partner. I believe that if one or both become snared in sex sin, that the course to follow is Gal 6:1; 2 Tim 2:24ff; Mat 18:15-18; 2 Thess 3:6-14; 1 Cor 5:3-11. If all this results in godly sorrow and repentance (2 Cor 7) that reconciliation and restoration should follow (2 Cor 2). Carol Lynn had left me, claiming to be a genuine child of God, and since I was a genuine child of God by faith in Jesus Christ, I understood that we were maritally bound for life. For me to maritally repudiate and reject Carol Lynn and then marry Bev would have been adultery (Matt 5 & 19; Mark 10; Luke 16; Rom 7). So when Bev and I got to the place where we were considering marriage, I told her that the only way I could marry her is if she accepted my belief that I was still maritally bound to Carol Lynn in the Kingdom of God, and that if Bev married me and Carol Lynn returned to me seeking reconciliation (1Cor7:10,11,39), I would have to maritally reunite with her, making Lynn, Bev and me polygynists. Bev thought about it for a while, and finally said she didn't think Lynn would ever want to reunite with me, but she was willing to take the risk and marry me with such serious risks and serious complications. It was 1971. Our romance was sweet and poetic - - We look into each others' eyes, hers sparkling----we look long and deep and our souls touch---and then suddenly it seems a cloud of uncertainty, self-doubt, personal fears, or haunting memories moves across her face and the lovely pools of her eyes are troubled. I kiss her passionately and hold her ever so close, wishing I could pull right into my heart and soul and bathe her in my love, wanting to make it all right for her. Hesitantly I look again hoping her radiance has returned and Yes! the cloud has passed and her face is radiant again. What I see in her face fills my heart. All is well. We two as one set out together to face and deal with our world. We faced our world together so much in love. I thought she was so incredibly wonderful moving there before me bare and beautiful that honeymoon night. I thought I had been given the most wonderful queen for my heart to love. I worshipped her in her dark beauty. How could I be so blessed? In ecstasy we celebrated and enjoyed each others bodies, soul and spirit. Every part of

her body was a delight and I delighted in celebrating her and pleasing her. She was my perfect sexual helpmeet. I had learned in losing Lynn that as long as she was happy I should just keep on loving her in every way I could, not worrying about my inadequacies. She rejoiced in our loving and our loving filled my heart. I accepted her love without reservation and gave her my love without reservation. She blessed me in the same manner. I felt my soul could fly again. I learned that she was sensitive and in need of support and protection, that she had a heart breaking childhood. Though I loved her dearly, affectionately and passionately, I failed to accept her just as she was. I failed to accept the fact that somethings I wanted her to do, she simply could not do. I felt that she was being stubborn and uncooperative and I began to resent this in her. Our love became clouded by my failure to accept her just as she was and her heart began to hurt. The seeds had been planted that would break her heart and drive her to leave me. Oblivious to the pain I was causing her, I thought we would be together for ever. She left me the day after Christmas after sixteen years of marriage and three darling children. #7. DELIVERANCE FROM MORE OF MY DEADLY BAD DRIVING It was in the mid 1970's. The road out of Valley Center to Escondido was just a two laner, one lane each way. I had had a long had day at my job on Mt. Palomar at the La Jolla Indian Reservation. I wanted to get home to my wife and kids. I had just driven out of the flat area of Valley Center and was at the top of the two lane two way descent to Escondido. There was a big diesel milk truck with two full milk trailers followed by three passenger cars and lastly myself. Real quick I realized that the truck was using his gears to brake his speed down the hill and he was going to be very slow going all the way down. I couldn't figure why none of the other passenger cars passed the truck since the oncoming lane was clear. Full of stupidity and impatience I decided to pass all three passenger cars as well as the milk trailers and diesel. Just as I pulled out to make my pass, the car in front of me pulled out in front of me to pass all the others. I had to swerve hard to the left to avoid hitting that car. The last thing I saw was the retaining 2' wall and the drop off about 6'-8' in front of me closing very fast. I don't recall ever making any move to

avoid hitting the wall and going over the cliff. The next thing I knew was that I was about 100 yards ahead of the diesel, milk trailers and the three passenger cars which were still behind the milk truck. I have no idea why I didn't hit the wall and go over. I have no idea of how I got in front of the milk truck and cars. I never cease to be amazed at how Jesus can drive my car when I am asleep, have fainted or whatever. I am unable to doubt this kind of Jesus who rescues even the stupid from their own deep pudding. Doesn't it make you afraid to be on the road with me? It does me! Thank God for God! #8. TALITHA'S MIRACLE 1974 +/We were having one of our many park experiences at an Escondido park. Tirzah was four and Talitha was two. Bev was pushing Tirzah on the swing and I was pushing Talitha. Talitha and Tirzah both had their backs to us. Both were laughing and carrying on. Talitha stopped laughing and talking. I though she was just enjoying the swing, when suddenly on one of the forward swings Talitha just tumbled forward out of the swing, hit the ground on a roll, rolled on down the bank, and started crying. She had fallen asleep in the swing and fallen off. She could have broken her neck, had a severe concussion, broken an arm or leg or both. We rushed her to the hospital to see if she had a concussion. Talitha was so hysterical we couldn't hold her still enough for them to get an adequate X-ray. They expressed their regrets and we took our hysterical Talitha home and did the best we could. We noticed some changes after that fall, but we were just so very thankful that she hadn't damaged her spinal column or had a severe concussion. For us that was a miracle because we couldn't forget the sight of her as she flew out of the swing and rolled down the bank that sunny day in Escondido. We couldn't forget how badly she might have been hurt, how easily she could have broken her neck. Philema Beth-shua Tyler was born a few years later. #9. DELIVERANCE FROM MORE OF MY DEADLY BAD DRIVING 1970s Then there is my Home Federal miracle. Perhaps this added to the demise of Home Federal????? :) :) I worked three 12 hour graveyard shifts each week as a mail and message courier driving company vehicles. It was my third shift and I used

everything to keep me awake (coffee, coca cola, hamburgers, chocolate, etc.) to help me stay awake because I was so very tired. It didn't work. One morning after my shift, I drove my wife to work and then tried to drive my self and my three daughters home. The sun was rising and was in my exhausted eyes as I tried to drive us east to El Cajon from downtown San Diego. The sun was too much for my exhausted eyes so I had to stop at 70th/Lake Murray Dr. and sleep in Denny's parking lot until I could drive the kids and I home. It was very hard for them to understand but they watched over sleeping me for almost two hours before they woke me up because they were worried what the Denny's employee in the parking lot was thinking (he was staring at us for so long). It was 5:30 am and sunrise (the sun finished off my eyes). I was driving the 1/2 ton pick up Toyota truck south on 163 going downtown with a full load of mail, tapes, microfiche, print outs and reports for branches up the coast. I had just cleared Hwy 8 heading south on 163. The next thing I remember or knew was that the left front wheel and the left rear wheel were on top of the elevated center divider and I was somewhere on 163 under Washington or University or Robinson. I can't believe what I see or where I am. The fence on the elevated divider is angled so that you can't drive on the divider. I'm going about 50+mph and the fence is closing on me giving me the choice of hitting it at 50+ mph or driving off of the divider at 50+mph with traffic all around me. I shoutprayed JESUS!!! , held on to the wheel for dear life, and drove off of the center divider before hitting the fence. The truck rocked hard but miraculously amateur driver (not stunt driver) me managed to maintain control and come out of the whole incident with no damage to the truck, the contents or me. You couldn't pay me enough to try that trick again awake driving anything but a stunt car with big roll bars, safety gear and no more than a quarter gallon of gas. Again I left the driving to Him. So Jesus saved your dad one more time so you could have a dad to help you grow up good and strong like you are today. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ B left me in 1986. I knew there was no hope of reconciliation.

During a wonderful divorce recovery group series I met wonderful D and fell madly in love with her. I committed to each other maritally. Then she put me in a situation where I had to choose between being with her or being with my AfroAm-EuroAm daughters for Thanksgiving and Christmas, because her dad was a racist bigot. I chose my daughters and we broke and reconciled two very painful times. I couldnt do it again. I was fleeing from what I thought could destroy me, my grief over having to choose between a woman I loved with all of my being, and my beloved daughters who mean more to me than my life. She was trying to force me to choose between her and them and the struggle was more than I could bear ---- so I fled. I called out to Jesus because I was so incredibly horny I knew I was under His 1 Cor. 7:1,2,3,5,9 commands to marry and I had just fled from the woman I thought He wanted me to marry. I called out to Him and told Him I had failed miserably choosing my own lovers and wives, that I wanted and needed to obey His command to marry, that I would marry whoever He chose and I asked Him to bring us together. The year was 1990. Weeks later, while at my easy and comfortable teaching job, I found myself with nothing really important to do that day and found myself under compulsion to call the district office to see if they needed a substitute teacher anywhere. My supervisor and peers thought I should stay and have an easy day, but I couldn't rest until they called to see if a sub was needed somewhere. Finally they gave in, called and found that just then a school in the ghetto was in desperate need of a substitute since the regular teacher couldn't finish the day. I landed up being there for three days. In another class there open shouting, insulting and reviling had broken out between the teacher, the students and the parents. They let the teacher go, and asked me to take her class for the rest of the year. I accepted. These events were not by luck or accident, but were being worked by Him who works all according to the counsel of His own will (Eph 1:11). A couple of weeks later it was time for my class to spend a week in the Science Lab. I took my class as scheduled and met the teacher of that class. I thought Ruthie was a pretty cute little Irish Canadian and tried to make conversation with her even though I knew she wasn't my type, and found her to be totally uninterested. I learned later that she thought I was a fat, bald and old man who wore polyester priest pants (she was raised Catholic). Since she didn't respond, I figured I had done my duty of wife hunting for the day and went on about my business. Sometime later that period I passed by her desk again while supervising my class and she asked me where I had taught. I told her I had been teaching at Christian schools. She had been recently born again and was open to

dating Christian men, few and far between though they be, so she opened a conversation with me. I invited her to go to church with me because I found that a good way to weed out the unacceptable marital prospects. Knowing I was under God's command to marry- - - ***1 Cor 7: 1* But concerning the things of which ye have written to me: It is good for a man not to continue -keep on - touching a woman; 2 but because of and to avoid sexual immorality each man should be [sexually] having his own woman, and each woman should be [sexually] having her own man. . . . 8To the unmarried and the bereft women I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am. 9 But if they do not continue to have self-restraint [keep on abstaining from sex sin], they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with desire. - - - - - - so I knew that since He knew I had determined to obey His command the ball was i His court and it was His responsibility (Phil 4:19) to provide the woman for me to marry, on His terms and in His time, no matter if she was blind, deaf, crippled, bald, toothless, flat footed, and disabled or handicapped. So seeing that He provided for the sparrows (Mat 6), that sparrows were busy going all over looking for God's provision, that God didn't feed grown sparrows that just sat in their nests with their mouth open and up, I determined to be a good "sparrow" and go around looking for His provision, a godly Christian woman who would marry me. As I planned my sparrowing, I realized that I knew three Christian women who were single and friendly to me. So I called the three and set up dates, Wednesday dinner with La Mexicana teacher, Friday night walking the surf with the nurse and church with Ruthie. Wednesday I told La Mexicana that I was looking for a wife, not just dating, and would she consider marrying me. She told me she had already given her heart to another, but thanked me for thinking of her and gave me a kiss that almost launched me out of my shoes there in the parking lot. Door one was closed. The nurse called me Thursday and told me she had to work Friday and Saturday and couldn't do the surf walk with me at the beach. Door two was closed. That left Ruthie and me for church Sunday. She and her daughter met me at church that Sunday and we enjoyed the service together. We began to talk frequently on the phone. I decided to do my best to discourage her by telling her all my problems, that I was searching in my horniness for my Rebekah at the well who would become my wife, that my mother was into seances, Ouija board, astrology, reincarnation; than my brother was a practicing New Age sorcerer/channeler with his own personal demon ("spirit guide"), about my sister's outrageous conduct, and my three AfroAm-

IndiAm-EuroAm daughters. After two weeks of going to church with me and hearing my testimonies and all about my crazy and complicated family members, she decided she would give me the Dear John "Thanks, but no thanks" deal the following Sunday after church. So we met at church again and were enjoying the praise and worship. She was planning on how to break the word to me after church, but had really got into the service. As we stood to praise and worship, she had put her hands on the back of the seat in front of her. I affectionately reached over and put my hand gently on her hand, and noticed an emotional reaction. I didn't find out til after the service, but when I put my hand on her hand her whole body felt like it had been electrically shocked, her body hair stood up and she got goose bumps and heard a strong and powerful voice tell her, "You chose your first husband. This is the husband I have chosen for you." Her mouth dropped open in wonder and amazement. I thought she was just deeply moved by the worship. After service I walked her out to her car. Just before she stepped off of the curb to get into her car, she turned to me and said, "I'll be your Rebekah. I'll be your wife." I was dumbfounded and amazed, mouth hanging open in shocked surprise. We hadn't even known each other and been dating for more than a month. She was tickled with my response and drove off with a big smile on her face. I felt I had stepped into a time warp. The world seemed muted, distant and in a haze. In this trance like state of shock, amazement and wonder I finally found my way back to my car, sat down and tried to understand the meaning of what had just happened. We were engaged a month later after a very unusual exchange in the parking lot outside the restaurant in a Fashion Valley parking lot. We were discussing becoming engaged in the restaurant. After we finished eating I told her that there was one more obstacle to our becoming engaged. I told her that since I was a genuine Jesus believer, and if B was a genuine Jesus believer, that I was maritally bound to her for life, until death ends our marital bond (Mark 10:1-12; Rom 7:1-3; 1 Cor 7:10,11,39). I told her that if B was genuinely saved it would be adultery for me to maritally repudiate her to marry her (Mat 5:32; 19:1-19; Mark 10:1-12). I had told Bev what I believed and she didn't care, she already had a new roommate who shared her bedroom and bathroom. Ruth said she had to think about it, so she did so in complete silence for five minutes in my arms. It was a beautiful clear and moon lit night, but those were very tense five minutes. Finally she told me she would marry me anyway, because she was quite sure B would never want to be my wife again. We became formally engaged. We had a glorious courtship and wedding. We celebrated our 18th wedding anniversary in 2009.

SAVED FROM BLACK WIDOWS AND RATTLE SNAKES When I was growing up and living at home I had a very interesting neighbor. He was in his 70s or 80s and was a bear of a man, a real frontiersman. He must have been born around 1880. He and his wife had crossed the Arizona and California southern deserts in a covered wagon. I used to drive that route weekly and even today you don't want to be stranded on the road in the 115 degree heat or in "Hells Hills" which appear to be covered with boulders that seem ominous and merciless. We called him "Grandpa Bailey". His lovely wife, Lavina, was just as fierce and rugged as he, except that she was a fierce spiritual warrior, one of the most ferocious Nazarenes I had ever met. She and her Bible were always ready to do battle against all comers. Grandpa Bailey would make taffy for us kids and get a real kick out of it. One day he walked into his garage in his back yard and a black widow dropped on the back of his neck and the venom of the bite killed Grandpa Bailey. Ever since then I have had a powerful respect for black widows, especially since I have really bad reactions to bee stings and spider bites. One night at a church overnight camp in the desert on a moonlit night, I asked my girlfriend to go walking with me. Very romantic, right? Well as we walked down the little gully on that cold night I stepped on what I thought was a broken branch. Three steps beyond it the "branch" began to very slowly rattle its tail and we realized how close we had come to being bitten by a rattle snake. Another time a friend and I were rock climbing a mountain and an 8' rattle snake came out of the rock slide we were crossing and began coming toward us rapidly. We picked up rocks and began throwing them at the oncoming snake and it had the sense to turn back and go away. Minutes later as we were climbing the rocky front of the mountain I put my hand up on a rock and pulled myself up to find myself looking at the abandoned skin of a rattlesnake. I thanked God it was just empty skin! I was walking in my back yard towards the fence and gate just after sunset, and a black widow jumped at me from the fence. I killed it. One day my preschool daughter, Tirz, was reaching for a toy car that was stuck in the dirt. Just before she touched it I grabbed her and stopped her. I used a stick to get the toy free from the dirt and found a large black widow inside it. I realized the mercifulness of Father when one day the prostitute who lived next door asked me to help her move her couch, under my wife's supervision. I thought that just maybe I should look under it before I put my hand under it to move it. When I looked under it I found a nest of black

widows. Every time she had sat on that couch she was inches from a life threatening experience. Well my old enemies have decided to really give me a bad time lately at the house we live in now. One day when I bent over to turn on the water at the side of the house a black widow dropped from the eaves of the roof and missed my head by inches. I killed it. On the other side of the house another time later I started to bend over to turn on the water and saw a large black widow directly over the faucet under the eaves of the roof. I killed it. One day when I was preparing to walk through the garage a large black widow dropped from the automatic door and hung at face level as I approached. I killed it. One of my preschool granddaughters was sitting in a folding patio chair when I felt the sudden urge to remove her from the chair and did so. Upon examining the arm rest of the chair I discovered a pea sized black widow that had been inches from Ressy's hand. One time when I was in our laundry room I noticed a large (3 inches diameter from foot to foot) hobo spider about six feet from me rushing towards me. Of course I killed it, but it was definitely on the attack. Recently I walked into my kitchen in the dark and felt danger. I turned on the light and discovered a black widow about a foot from my foot coming out from behind and below the refrigerator. After turning the refrigerator on its side and opening the back of it we finally managed to kill it. This evening in the dark on the way into the garage I suddenly noticed a large spider hanging at face level right in my path, several feet from my face. It was a "brown widow" and we killed it. Seated on the toilet I noticeda "brown widow" walking on the ear bar of my glasses. It had dropped onmy bald head and was walking on my glasses. Of course I killed it. I foundanother "brown widow" dead on the wall next to the head board of my bed.I don't know how that happened but I'm glad it died before it could makelife miserable for me. I thank the God and Father of my Lord Jesus Christ for all these deliverances, thanking Him for alerting me to the danger by His Spirit and His angels. I was bittern several times by a jumping spider in Canada one evening and I was miserable with the pain and inflammation for two days, and that was just a jumping spider. Believing in Spirit warfare as I do, I believe there was more to these threatening animal encounters than just the normal critter encounters. If the devil and his demons work in and will through the living who are spiritually dead in their sins (Ephes 2:1,2), I believe they can also work and will in critters. We know from Ezek 14 God uses wild animals to punish evil doers. I thank God He closes the mouths of lions when His Daniels are made to be their food!

http://www.tagged.com/forum.html?gid=467645&newtopic=true#h=1_0_3711165_0

And there are many more testimonies I could tell, but this will have to do for now. The rest of the story is in lock box 903 at El Cajon's UBC on Second Ave, with the loan notes. So girls, the Lord and his angels have been pretty busy first to make sure you were born to Ron and Bev, and then to let Ron and Bev raise you. I thank God for you girls. You are the joy and the crown of my life. I thank God for saving me so many times so I could be your dad. I thank God for the honor of having, raising and loving you three precious ladies. I hope you girls will walk close enough to the Lord so you can see His mighty miracle working power in your lives too. The closer you walk with Him, the more miracles you'll. When you get to fasting, meditation and praying, you get to the miracle highway. I have all the proof I'll ever need to know how very real Jesus is. I wish that for you too. Love, Your Dad. P.S. My darling daughters, there was one,before you were born, whose sacrifice and suffering was used to build into my character those attributes that you love and hold dear, that enabled me to cherish you far better than I could have without the lessons learned from the tragedy, and that enabled me to raise you under the enabling and shepherding the God who is Unselfish and Compassionate Cherishing, The Truth, The Life, The Light and The Way---Jesus. Here is how he raised me from the dead, where I belonged. EDUCATION - TEACHING - HUMAN RESOURCES Classroom Instruction ... Training/Staff Development ... Program Development ... Employee Relations Customer/Community Relations ... Social Casework ... Client Counseling/Training ...Mail Courier Over 17 years experience in teaching and program development working with youths (K-8) of all races and socioeconomic backgrounds, developmentally disabled adults and

teens in rehabilitation programs, and adult traffic violators (Traffic Violator School) ... experience includes documenting, evaluating, revising and reporting progress towards identified goals ... reporting to governmental agencies and nonprofit vendors ... a proven record of success in dealing with disorderly and negative social settings and restoring them to positive situations ... strong organizational and administrative skills coupled with the ability to work calmly and decisively under pressure .. excellent communication skills complemented by the ability to motivate, train, and focus others' energies on learning...seeking a position where training, organization, and administrative skills can contribute to a company's goals. KEY STRENGTHS *Hard working achiever - delivering results, not excuses *Effective communicator and writer - motivating and training others *Resourceful problem solver - decisively calm under pressure *Working well with people - able to win confidence and cooperation *Precise thinker - detailed, organized, practical EXAMPLES OF EFFECTIVENESS Organized a team teaching modular schedule for 4-6th graders in a troubled school in a violent inner-city ghetto school---involved winning respect of students and staff, being sensitive to needs of teachers, parents and students, and resolving conflicts in a quick and positive manner ... resulted in a highly successful program which gained state-wide recognition and the favor with administrators, teachers, parents and stude;nts. As on-site supervisor and teacher for projects for developmentally disabled adults, identified and implemented all licensing and vendor requirements and procedures, prepared Hallelujah Corp. for accreditation by CARF (Commission on Accreditation of Rehabilitation Facilities) ... resulted in the granting of proper licensing and accreditation which ensured the continued growth and expansion of the programs. - Successfully intervened in a highly volatile Afro-

American 5th grade class situation where the teacher had lost control ... resulted in making a major change in the mood of the class within 30 days ... within five weeks the class had made such a dramatic turn around that it no longer needed the services of the District Counselor, and developed a real bonding between students and teacher. These intervention skills were instrumental in restoring order and program to the Indian tutorial program after the former teacher had lost control. Again these same intervention skills were instrumental in turning around a predominantly Hispanic (many commuted from Tijuana, Mex.) 2nd grade class which was experiencing deep depression due to the mid-term loss of their beloved and gifted teacher. EDUCATION &amp; CREDENTIALS SAN DIEGO STATE UNIVERSITY - San Diego, CA Bachelor of Arts (Soc. Anthro. &amp; Spanish) with honors 19## Teaching Credential = 30 units 19## http://groups.google.com/group/InterRacialEthnicDatinMarriageInJesus http://groups.yahoo.com/group/InterDatingMarryingInJesus2 http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AmorYLaMexicanaYMorenita http://www.groups.yahoo.com/group/BiblicalSexVsPornSex, http://www.groups.yahoo.com/group/ChristiansWithSTDSHIVAIDS, http://groups.yahoo.com/group/MarriageDivorceRemarriageJesus http://groups.google.com/group/MarriageDivorceRemarriageInJesus http://groups.yahoo.com/group/JesusVsRacismAndEthnocentrism2 http://www.groups.yahoo.com/group/Prayers4OppressedAndNeedy Having been made in God's likeness, we shouldn't think that the divine nature is like gold or silver or stone, or an image fashioned by human art and imagination. Therefore, having overlooked the times of our ignorance, Jehovah now commands all people everywhere to reconsider and turn to God from their sins, because He has set a day on which He is going to judge the world in righteousness by the Man, Jesus Christ, who He has appointed. He has provided proof of this to everyone by raising Jesus Christ from the dead. Everyone who believes in Jesus Christ may have eternal life. For Jehovah-God so compassionately loved all people that He gave His only Son, Jesus born of woman, that whoever believes in and relies on Him alone to be made right with Jehovah God shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son

into the world to condemn people, but to save people through Him. Whoever believes in Jesus Christ is not condemned, but anyone who does not believe Him stands condemned already because of failing to believe in and rely on the nature and character of God's only Son, Jesus born of woman.